Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2015 19:31:59 GMT -6
Nancy: I get it, we are starting our relationship over Matthew, but that doesn’t mean you have to try and relive our first date and bring me to a high school.
MC: Oh it’s much more than just a high school babe. This is Al Envy’s alma mater, and thanks to a small little donation, I have been allowed to rename the high school and there is a big celebration for it.
Nancy: They going to have beer baby?
MC: Oh I can’t imagine they would, it is a high school babe, but I have you covered.
Matthew withdrew a bottle of whiskey and handed it to Nancy. She smiled, kissed his forehead and danced off up the steps. Matthew lingered a minute at the base of the steps, looking up at the entrance to the school, the name covered by a tarp, waiting to be pulled down and revelaed. With a wry smile Matthew made his way up the steps and both himself and Nancy made their way to the gymnasium.
Matthew guided Nancy to a seat at the bottom of the stands, and took his front and center seat near the podium. As expected the principal came on stage and gave a rousing speech before turning the floor over to Matthew.
Principal: And now I would like to present a man who has made a huge contribution to this school, MATTHEW CARTER!
MC: Thank you sir, that was nice, the applause wonderful, but it is far too much. I am not here for me, I am here for this school’s greatest hero, I am here for Al Envy.
The attendees all clap, the student section actually cheering and whooping at their schools’ hero’s name.
MC: I think we have all passed by the shrine to Al Envy in the hallway, have all seen the sign out in the courtyard proclaiming this school to be the high school he attended. It is without doubt this school takes pride in its greatest son. So without further ado I would like to show all of you a slide show dedicated to your favorite son.
An image of Al Envy pops up on the screen, he’s dressed in the team’s football gear and kneeling with a football in his left hand. Cheers immediately ring out through the air as the student section goes crazy.
MC: That’s right, there he is Al Envy, second string quarterback. And what a second string quarterback he was. Let’s be honest there was no one better at carrying a clipboard and talking to the starting quarterback than Al Envy.
A collective boo rings out as Matthew smiles and moves the slideshow to the next photo. This one is of Al all dressed up with a girl on his arm. The obvious prom picture excites the student section as they all hoot and holler.
MC: What a wonderful time for seniors, the prom. And there is Al Envy, all dressed up with a beautiful girl on his arm. Of course Al was not her first, but he did come in second on her too. But I guess all that matters is you get to take a swing, am I right?
Principal: That is quite enough.
MC: You sit down! I am not done with my presentation. Now where was I? Oh yes, the next slide.
The slide progesses to the third picture, a year book picture of Al Envy smiling wide wearing a small crown upon his head.
MC: Best part about Prom, crowning the king and queen. But sadly for Al he wasn’t the king, he was the prince, and we all know that means he was nothing more than the runner up.
Principal: This slideshow is over!
MC: Fine! How about we move onto a special guest.
The principal took a seat as Matthew ushered for a giant structure to be wheeled in from the outside. The large object standing more than 8 feet high was covered in a shroud, making it appear to be nothing more than a giant obelisk looking structure.
MC: I would like to call up JimmyDon Henderson at this time!
The student section claps as JimmyDon stands up and smiles before making his way to the stage.
MC: How are you JimmyDon?
JD: I’m great!
MC: Well you should be. Just a few weeks ago you came in second place at a big baja rally. Which is quite impressive, and in keeping with the spirit of this school. So for your efforts and to adequately show how great you are, and in keeping with Al Envy’s tradition, I present to you! THE AL-MOST ENVY AWARD!
The cover on the large object is pulled off to reveal a giant trophy.
MC: In the vain of Al Envy this reward was commissioned to be presented to the second place finisher of an event, so that like Al Envy they can bask in the glory of being the best loser. You can now lay claim to having an award for losing that is bigger, better, and worth more than the winners. Because who needs the glory of being the best when you can have the glory of being the best loser!
JD: I don’t like your attitude!
MC: Oh unbunch your panties! This is nothing more than a roast of Al Envy. Now why don’t we all take a break, get a good laugh at the jokes you have heard here tonight and go outside to see the unveiling of the new school name.
A hush fills the air as the kids and attendees file out onto the front courtyard of the high school. Mattew and Nancy join them a mere moments later, Matthew carrying a microphone. From his perch on the make shift podium Matthew can see the cameras in the back of the crowd, and a smile graces his face.
MC: I would stand up here and say a great many of things about Al, about this chool, but I think the name will say all I need.
The tarp is pulled back and revealed behind it is the new name of the school. AL-MOST ENVY HIGH SCHOOL. Screams and protests go up in the crowd but Matthew just up his hands and tapped on the microphone.
MC: OH COME ON! You guys are going to get all upset because I make fun of Al, but the truth is you are realizing just how sad your hero is. I mean you guys idolize a man that has done nothing but come in second. He’s the god damn groomsman, and never the groom. And look it’s ok to want to worship that man, but at the end of the day you can’t get all pissed off because someone shows you the truth.
Matthew steps off the podium and makes his way down into the crowd.
MC: Are you happy being the second best?
Man: NO!
MC: How about you?
Woman: NO!
MC: So then why do you idolize a man that has never been anything but second best? I mean for Christ sakes he has been walking in the shadows of all the greats of the NEW, waiting for a moment when all of them were gone, a moment when he can say he is the best, because there is no one around to check him. Sadly this is not that time for Al, and like always he picked the wrong time to try and make his move. Just like with his prom date.
Matthew moves back to the make shift podium and sets the microphone in its stand.
MC: Look I know it hurts to see your heros fall. Not going to lie, I cried when Harvey became two face in the Dark Knight. But then you guys never really have had the chance to really worship a hero. I know Al has meant a lot to this school, but there comes a time when worshipping a loser simply makes you a loser. So I encourage all of you to think for yourselves. Look around and make the connections, put 1 and 1 together and get 2.
Matthew points to the name of the school.
MC: How many times can a guy Al-most get there but fall short before you realize he is nothing more than a great loser?
Matthew takes Nancy’s hand and leads her off the stage and through the crowd. Everyone parts like the red sea as Matthew and Nancy walk to their car. The driver opens the door and the two slip into the back of the limo.
Nancy: That was amazing.
MC: Felt good too.
Nancy: What the hell?
A knock on the window grabs Matthew’s attention. There standing before him in JimmyDon, a short smile on the man’s face. Matthew depresses the button and the window rolls down.
JD: What the hell am I supposed to do with that trophy?
MC: Do I look like someone who gives a shit?
JD: No.
MC: Good, at least you can read faces. Now if you don’t mind I’d like to go get laid!
The window begins to roll up and JimmyDon just squints at Matthew. Matthew only returns a subtle wave as the car pulls away from the curb.
Nancy: You sure are confident that you are getting laid tonight.
MC: I should be, already paid the hookers to be in my room.
Nancy: Excuse me?
MC: I am just kidding. I would never pay a hooker for something I can get for free.
Nancy: You want to get slapped?
MC: Only if you don’t want to get fucked!
Nancy just shakes her head and smiles at Matthew before leaning back in her seat. Matthew squeezes her knee and she grabs his hand.
Nancy: You know Al is no push over right?
MC: Yeah, but does Al know I am no push over? That’s the real question, and from what I can tell, Al sees me as nothing more than the younger brother of Roger Wright. Meaning in a few days the world will find out that the younger brother of Roger Wright is better than the self-proclaimed face of NEW. Even with Roger as the ref and Jesse in his corner, Al will find out the hard way that there is difference between being great, and saying you are great.
Nancy: So what’s for dinner?
MC: Really, you are just going to Segway to dinner?
Nancy: Yeah I’m hungry.
MC: Well we are not having dinner, we are skipping straight to desert.
Matthews hand slipped between Nancy’s legs and she let a soft moan out as Matthew kissed her neck. From the front passenger’s seat the camera man filmed. The man sighed as the opaque divider began to rise and in a matter of seconds the view was gone and the man turned around to look out the front windshield.
MC: Oh it’s much more than just a high school babe. This is Al Envy’s alma mater, and thanks to a small little donation, I have been allowed to rename the high school and there is a big celebration for it.
Nancy: They going to have beer baby?
MC: Oh I can’t imagine they would, it is a high school babe, but I have you covered.
Matthew withdrew a bottle of whiskey and handed it to Nancy. She smiled, kissed his forehead and danced off up the steps. Matthew lingered a minute at the base of the steps, looking up at the entrance to the school, the name covered by a tarp, waiting to be pulled down and revelaed. With a wry smile Matthew made his way up the steps and both himself and Nancy made their way to the gymnasium.
Matthew guided Nancy to a seat at the bottom of the stands, and took his front and center seat near the podium. As expected the principal came on stage and gave a rousing speech before turning the floor over to Matthew.
Principal: And now I would like to present a man who has made a huge contribution to this school, MATTHEW CARTER!
MC: Thank you sir, that was nice, the applause wonderful, but it is far too much. I am not here for me, I am here for this school’s greatest hero, I am here for Al Envy.
The attendees all clap, the student section actually cheering and whooping at their schools’ hero’s name.
MC: I think we have all passed by the shrine to Al Envy in the hallway, have all seen the sign out in the courtyard proclaiming this school to be the high school he attended. It is without doubt this school takes pride in its greatest son. So without further ado I would like to show all of you a slide show dedicated to your favorite son.
An image of Al Envy pops up on the screen, he’s dressed in the team’s football gear and kneeling with a football in his left hand. Cheers immediately ring out through the air as the student section goes crazy.
MC: That’s right, there he is Al Envy, second string quarterback. And what a second string quarterback he was. Let’s be honest there was no one better at carrying a clipboard and talking to the starting quarterback than Al Envy.
A collective boo rings out as Matthew smiles and moves the slideshow to the next photo. This one is of Al all dressed up with a girl on his arm. The obvious prom picture excites the student section as they all hoot and holler.
MC: What a wonderful time for seniors, the prom. And there is Al Envy, all dressed up with a beautiful girl on his arm. Of course Al was not her first, but he did come in second on her too. But I guess all that matters is you get to take a swing, am I right?
Principal: That is quite enough.
MC: You sit down! I am not done with my presentation. Now where was I? Oh yes, the next slide.
The slide progesses to the third picture, a year book picture of Al Envy smiling wide wearing a small crown upon his head.
MC: Best part about Prom, crowning the king and queen. But sadly for Al he wasn’t the king, he was the prince, and we all know that means he was nothing more than the runner up.
Principal: This slideshow is over!
MC: Fine! How about we move onto a special guest.
The principal took a seat as Matthew ushered for a giant structure to be wheeled in from the outside. The large object standing more than 8 feet high was covered in a shroud, making it appear to be nothing more than a giant obelisk looking structure.
MC: I would like to call up JimmyDon Henderson at this time!
The student section claps as JimmyDon stands up and smiles before making his way to the stage.
MC: How are you JimmyDon?
JD: I’m great!
MC: Well you should be. Just a few weeks ago you came in second place at a big baja rally. Which is quite impressive, and in keeping with the spirit of this school. So for your efforts and to adequately show how great you are, and in keeping with Al Envy’s tradition, I present to you! THE AL-MOST ENVY AWARD!
The cover on the large object is pulled off to reveal a giant trophy.
MC: In the vain of Al Envy this reward was commissioned to be presented to the second place finisher of an event, so that like Al Envy they can bask in the glory of being the best loser. You can now lay claim to having an award for losing that is bigger, better, and worth more than the winners. Because who needs the glory of being the best when you can have the glory of being the best loser!
JD: I don’t like your attitude!
MC: Oh unbunch your panties! This is nothing more than a roast of Al Envy. Now why don’t we all take a break, get a good laugh at the jokes you have heard here tonight and go outside to see the unveiling of the new school name.
A hush fills the air as the kids and attendees file out onto the front courtyard of the high school. Mattew and Nancy join them a mere moments later, Matthew carrying a microphone. From his perch on the make shift podium Matthew can see the cameras in the back of the crowd, and a smile graces his face.
MC: I would stand up here and say a great many of things about Al, about this chool, but I think the name will say all I need.
The tarp is pulled back and revealed behind it is the new name of the school. AL-MOST ENVY HIGH SCHOOL. Screams and protests go up in the crowd but Matthew just up his hands and tapped on the microphone.
MC: OH COME ON! You guys are going to get all upset because I make fun of Al, but the truth is you are realizing just how sad your hero is. I mean you guys idolize a man that has done nothing but come in second. He’s the god damn groomsman, and never the groom. And look it’s ok to want to worship that man, but at the end of the day you can’t get all pissed off because someone shows you the truth.
Matthew steps off the podium and makes his way down into the crowd.
MC: Are you happy being the second best?
Man: NO!
MC: How about you?
Woman: NO!
MC: So then why do you idolize a man that has never been anything but second best? I mean for Christ sakes he has been walking in the shadows of all the greats of the NEW, waiting for a moment when all of them were gone, a moment when he can say he is the best, because there is no one around to check him. Sadly this is not that time for Al, and like always he picked the wrong time to try and make his move. Just like with his prom date.
Matthew moves back to the make shift podium and sets the microphone in its stand.
MC: Look I know it hurts to see your heros fall. Not going to lie, I cried when Harvey became two face in the Dark Knight. But then you guys never really have had the chance to really worship a hero. I know Al has meant a lot to this school, but there comes a time when worshipping a loser simply makes you a loser. So I encourage all of you to think for yourselves. Look around and make the connections, put 1 and 1 together and get 2.
Matthew points to the name of the school.
MC: How many times can a guy Al-most get there but fall short before you realize he is nothing more than a great loser?
Matthew takes Nancy’s hand and leads her off the stage and through the crowd. Everyone parts like the red sea as Matthew and Nancy walk to their car. The driver opens the door and the two slip into the back of the limo.
Nancy: That was amazing.
MC: Felt good too.
Nancy: What the hell?
A knock on the window grabs Matthew’s attention. There standing before him in JimmyDon, a short smile on the man’s face. Matthew depresses the button and the window rolls down.
JD: What the hell am I supposed to do with that trophy?
MC: Do I look like someone who gives a shit?
JD: No.
MC: Good, at least you can read faces. Now if you don’t mind I’d like to go get laid!
The window begins to roll up and JimmyDon just squints at Matthew. Matthew only returns a subtle wave as the car pulls away from the curb.
Nancy: You sure are confident that you are getting laid tonight.
MC: I should be, already paid the hookers to be in my room.
Nancy: Excuse me?
MC: I am just kidding. I would never pay a hooker for something I can get for free.
Nancy: You want to get slapped?
MC: Only if you don’t want to get fucked!
Nancy just shakes her head and smiles at Matthew before leaning back in her seat. Matthew squeezes her knee and she grabs his hand.
Nancy: You know Al is no push over right?
MC: Yeah, but does Al know I am no push over? That’s the real question, and from what I can tell, Al sees me as nothing more than the younger brother of Roger Wright. Meaning in a few days the world will find out that the younger brother of Roger Wright is better than the self-proclaimed face of NEW. Even with Roger as the ref and Jesse in his corner, Al will find out the hard way that there is difference between being great, and saying you are great.
Nancy: So what’s for dinner?
MC: Really, you are just going to Segway to dinner?
Nancy: Yeah I’m hungry.
MC: Well we are not having dinner, we are skipping straight to desert.
Matthews hand slipped between Nancy’s legs and she let a soft moan out as Matthew kissed her neck. From the front passenger’s seat the camera man filmed. The man sighed as the opaque divider began to rise and in a matter of seconds the view was gone and the man turned around to look out the front windshield.