Post by inkt on Apr 19, 2015 18:11:03 GMT -6
Sitting down to the table at some po dunk comic book store in North Dakota, Inkt takes a heavy sigh and looks around. There wasn't a whole lot of action, but then again, how could he expect there to be? This was, of course, North Dakota. Thousands of miles (exaggeration of course) from texas where demented was taking place. However, as much as part of him wanted to be there, the obligations of getting back into the business that he'd once sworn to never take part of again, had gotten the best of him. The fact of the matter was, he, for the most part, was content just sitting back, propping his feet up on the fold out table, and shrugging off any and everyone (as few and far between as they were) that had approached his little slice of solitude. Then, it hit him. The rage was gone. The cockiness, absent. It was as though he'd been struck by a brick and reverted back to a former image of himself. His posture changed, his attitude, everything. A complete 180 from what his current state was when he'd entered the store.
Standing up, and announcing to the few people within the shop, as they minded their own business perusing the latest comic releases, and star wars fan fic, he smiled.
"Did gay porn! Several times! Took it in the ass, like a champ!"
Blinking, he had managed to catch himself off guard with the blatant, almost tourette like announcement. Sitting back down quickly, he looked from side to side and shrugged a bit, offering a bit of an apologetic gesture.
"Sorry, I don't know what came over me."
*sure you do, you know damn good and well what came over you, banner.*
"Banner?"
Inkt hadn't realized what he'd heard was coming from his head. A voice similar to his own, but with a bit more of a happy tone to it.
*You silly bitch. You just made yourself look even more weird, clearly, no one here is reading the incredible hulk. Especially after announcing what you just did. Speaking of, you know when banner hulks out? Yeah, you think like everything expands, or he just goes beast mode, but still has like a normal human sized unit? Personally, i think it'd be hilarious if he'd just had a normal sized human paynus, but that's just me. . . Well, I guess that's just you too, Isn't it you big bad man of war?*
Looking to the table, he quickly grabs a cup of water; slams it, and then places it back on the table.
*Water? Really? Dude, you know you need some alcohol up in here. I mean look at all these basement dwelling nerds. How in the fuckin fuck are you able to maintain in here?*
Clearly, Inkt wasn't maintaining. If he was, he wouldn't be having this little relapse into a version of himself that he'd worked so hard on repressing for these past six plus months. He had done his best to distance himself from everything that had made him the laughing stock of New Edge. The ass of all the jokes. The gay bitch with roid rage. He wasted no time in recreating the man of war. He made damn well and sure that everything was in check before he accepted the contract from Jesse. He was wrong. Now, there was a slight chance he was worse off then he was to begin with.
"What about Banner?"
Inkt looked up to the slender female standing in front of his table. A slight sigh escaped his lips as he looked to her through blood shot eyes.
"Excuse me?"
"After you announced to the store that you did gay porn... several times... You paused a bit, and then said banner?"
"right. I... I don't know really, just something that came out. Always been a bit of a hulk fan i guess. But, at the time I was saying it, it had nothing to do with the character. Just thought I'd heard something and was repeating it."
"Oh, so you do read comics? You're not just here for some random ass New Edge placement?"
"I can't say that I read em', I'm just a fan of the concept of the incredible hulk. I mean, it's the perfect spin on Jekyll and Hyde I think. You've got one dude, Banner, who's trying to maintain, and walk the line keeping things on the up and up, and then, when he gets pissed off, the monster in him comes out, reaping havoc on any and everything with zero remorse for his actions. It's totally something I can get behind, and for the most part, it's kind of me credo. Hell, in my business, they even coined a phrase from when i 'hulk' out. Inkt smash. You know?"
"Like hulk smash. Yeah, I get it. I'm Liddy, you, i take it, are inkt? The hell are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be doing something more worth while, or attending something that's more along the lines of... Oh, i don't know, athletic. Seriously, the people in here? They're not going to relate to you being in here... Not in the least. Truth be told, You're kind of intimidating them."
"Why?"
"Look at you? You fucking huge, bro. I mean, you don't look like 'their people.' "
"And you do? You're fuckin hot, yo. You look like you could... Hold on."
Inkt looks past the young woman and sees a guy standing behind her.
"Yeah? You need something?"
"I was hoping you had some insight on the latest Captain Marvel?"
"Why the fuck would I have any insight on that, bro? Dude, make like a fuck off and get the hell out of here."
He looks back to liddy and smiles.
"Did you just say, 'make like a fuck off and get the hell out of here?'
"Sure did."
"Oh. Okay, so, yeah, im just gonna let you be an asshole by yourself. kay? kay."
"Wh.. What the shit? We were talking comics."
"Clearly, you don't know comics or else you would have given me a better basis as to why you dig the incredible hulk. But, you know, your average screen savvy interpretation of his story is about par for the course when it comes to people like you."
"People like me? Shit. What makes you so high and mighty? You should be out doing something with your life. Those looks, and that ass? Woman, you could be pullin down all sorts of money, but instead, you're wasting your time in a fucking comic store. Where do you get off preaching to me, ya fuckin cock tease? Look, i thought you wanted some of this dick, clearly, I was mistaken. That being the case, you should come into some place like this rockin some sweats or something like that. Treat it like it's laundry day, instead of coming in here, lookin like someone who wants the D from someone famous and shit. I'm pretty much a big deal, you know?"
"Yeah? You're a big deal? That's why you're out here, and not in texas, or arizona, or wherever the hell your silly little show is? Look, I don't need to take this from you. I've got better things to do with my time than to get talked down to by a damned jersey shore gym fanatic."
"One time. One fucking time i did the whole jersey thing."
"Seriously? You thought i was talking about some random dark day in your past? No. I don't know who you are, or what you've done. The fact still remains, that you aren't a big enough deal to be at the show right now. You're here. Trying to hype something up that's down the road. Yeah, you must be really proud of your accomplishments."
*Tell her she looks fat in those shorts*
"I'm not gonna tell her she looks fat in those shorts. She looks fat cause she is fat."
Inkt gulps once more, and looks to her realizing what he'd just said.
"Don't suppose you didn't hear that?"
It was too late, she'd already bolted out the door after hearing him call her fat.
*Smooth, guy. Real smooth. Look, no one else can hear me. You should have picked up on that right now. I mean, watch. (the voice in inkt's head gets louder with the following vulgarities) COCK! ASS! PUSSY FUCKIN CREAM FARTS! See? No one can hear me. But you keep responding to yourself, and they're gonna think you're cray cray, yo. You wanna talk to me, all you have to do is think it. I'm just a voice in your head, you know.*
Inkt stands up, and leaves from the table and makes his way to the door. The clerk behind the counter stands up and approaches him.
"We had a deal, you were going to be here for 3 hours. You've only been here 45 minutes. I'm going to have to call Mr. Styles if you leave. Breach of contract and all."
*Call him a pussy and pimp slap him. It'll be funny. Assert yourself. Establish dominance. It's great. Just like when you grab random dudes at truck stops and donkey punch em after butt fucking em.*
"I don't donkey punch dudes any more."
"Well, that's great, guy, but you still have to-"
Inkt raises his hand, rears back, and smacks the guy across the face to the ground like he owed him money.
"You think i like this? Cause... Heh, yeah, i like this. Look, don't worry about jesse, I'll tell himself. I have a bit of a score to settle. The man of war has arrived."
*Nice. The man of war has arrived? Dude, really? Just let me out so i can take over. At least when I try to sound hard, i say it with an erection. You? Bro, come on. You're kind of missing the point. Now, put your hand on the door, and walk the fuck out. This kid's crying for his mom. Bail before someone calls the cops.*
Outisde, inkt begins to walk down the sidewalk, taking in the various "sites" the city has to offer. Slim to fucking none. Shocker. Unless he was an oil worker, there wasn't shit out here for him to do. Short of hop on a red eye, and crash the Demented party. Which, as we all know, he very well did.
"Are you fucking kidding me? Dude, you destroyed everyone in that fucking ring. Literally, everyone."
"Shit boss, you should be happy. Your wife won the fucking match. Look, I just wanted to make a point. It was to show the world that the man of war is back. Back and ready to fight."
"Oh, you're back huh? Right, i'll believe that when i see it. How long till you shit in my drawer, or fuck my wife, or even worse, abort another one of my children."
"Look, man, in all fairness, each of those things i did was well within the 'you deserved it' category. I've changed, I've changed a lot. I've put on about fifty pounds or so of lean muscle, been hitting the gym, and staying focused."
"No you haven't. You preached to the damned comic store i sent you to that you did several gay porns."
*Tell him it's true. You did do gay porn, and you're proud of it.*
"Im not going to tell him im proud of it."
"Tell me you're proud of what?"
"Doing... What I did, in the ring? Doing what I did in the past? Fuck it jesse, let's move on."
"No, Inkt, we're not moving on, you then proceeded to slap the owner of the store like he was a bottom bitch who owed you money. It's on fucking youtube man!"
"Nice. How many hits?"
"A lot... Like, more than a lot... Like, I don't think I could buy this kind of publicity."
"Then what's the problem?"
"It's bad fucking publicity! Don't you realize im trying to re structure the brand? I sent you there as a messenger of good will so to speak, Inkt. Jesus fuck! What is it with you? I can't trust you to do the most remedial fucking things! I figured it would be great having you back since you didn't have your band of fucking retards and what not, but no! I kind of miss the fuckin old you. The one that ran his mouth about weird random ass shit, but never really backed it up. Now you just react. You don't even think before you swing!"
*Boy if only he'd known i was the one pulling the strings, eh? I bet he'd be all pissed.*
"You're not pulling the strings."
"The fuck? yes i am! I'm the fucking owner, asshole. I pull all the goddamned strings. But yours seems to have broken. Seriously. Look, Alright, I'm gonna give you a match, for the upcoming ignite. Kind of like a chance to prove yourself. Prove to me that I didn't just invest a shit ton of money into you based on your name and past accolades alone. I want you to take on Jake."
"Fucking jake who?"
"Jake fucking youngblood.."
"You mean, tristan Ambrose?"
"right. My bad. Yeah, you take him on, and you show me, you show the fucking world, that the man of war is still something to be feared and respected. Once you take care of that, then you and I can talk about what it means to work in this company this day and age. Dude, you... You CAN'T FUCKING PIMP SLAP THE PUBLIC ANYMORE!"
"Why the fuck not?"
"Well, for one, what if he were to press charges? You wouldn't pay for it, I would. I'd try and dock your pay, and then you'd put up even more deviance. I'd pretty much be forced to fire you, or suspend you, or whatever the fuck, but at the same time, I'd be forced to still pay you. Just like I have been all this time. Just fucking get out there, fight Ambrose, show me and the world that you haven't lost it, and you know what? We'll go from there."
"We'll go from there. So, this is some sort of negotiation where, if I win we discuss my future? What if... Never mind..."
"What if what? You lose? Oh, losing's out of the realm of possibility for you? Last time I checked, there towards the end, after pugh was put in the hospital, you were doing pretty good at losing. You pretty much proved to all the haters out there, that you needed him a whole hell of a lot more than he needed you when it came to winning."
"Whoa! Pump the breaks, fuck'o. Those are fighting words."
"Are they? Fuckin good. Cause honestly, I don't think you can beat ambrose. So, let's just go ahead and call a spade a spade here, and say, when you lose... You're gonna be dark matching for a while. Dark matching to all the so called New Guard. You're a fucking vet, inkt. A hall of fucking famer. You want that shit? Huh? You want to be the first stepping stone for these guys? A former world champ helping to spring board the new talent into the next tier of excellence while you just stay dormant at the bottom? You can kiss any sort of title shot good bye. I know you'll tell me that titles don't mean shit to you, but you and I both that's not true. What's more important? You'll literally lose any ounce of respect anyone has ever had for you. The fans will just be getting to the show while your matches are finishing up. You'd basically be like the batting practice of the wrestling world. Only the die hards would show up to see the matches you're in. The die hards that aren't your fans might I add. We're talking the people who follow the rookies from the indy leagues, and developmental stuff. Just so they can show their kids that they know what they're talking about. They'll point at you and be all, 'you see that guy there? He used to be somebody. Now, watch this son, he's about to get his ass kicked by the next world champion. Watch, it'll be great.' You really want that?"
"Jesus fuck, man. That's some fucked up hostility you got there, Jess."
"Fucked up but true."
*ask him how many hits the pimp slap has. Just ask him. Do it.*
"So, how many hits?"
"How many hits what?"
"How many hits does the video have of me laying that dude out?"
"I dont know. like 200 or so?"
"That's not a lot at all..."
"Thousand, Inkt... 200 thousand. The video is only a week old, and there's already fuckin remixes of it. You remember that fuckin video where the lady's all 'ain't nobody got time fo dat?' This is like that. The shit is all over facebook. It's been edited over and over. There's even one of you fuckin hitting the dude while riding the nyan cat or whatever. You literally are riding on its back, and you do a fly by smack down."
"That's fucking great!"
"Is it? Cause im pretty sure you single handedly just fucked over everything positive that everyone over the past week has done. Envy threw out a first pitch. A handful of them went to the children's hospital and did all sorts of POSITIVE THINGS! What do you do? Fucking slap the shit out of a helpless comic book store owner... After calling some chick fat? Dude?! Really?!"
"Well, there was a certain thickness about her that I did find pretty hot. Hell, at first glance she looked slender. But when she turned to the side, she was like all muffin top. Look at me... hell, look at you! We're fucking adonis! We're chiseled works of art. Like, michaelangelo couldn't have made something better. So yeah, she was thick. I called her out on it. Shit happens. When you look this good, you want to assert yourself. Establish dominance of the weaker beings."
"Jesus christ, man!"
"Wait, is that shit on you tube too?"
"Sort of... It's not as popular as the staged dennis quaide rant, but it's close. However, both those added together still doesn't equal the slap. Fucking shit, man. Why? Why did you do it?!"
"Hell, you know why, you saw the video."
"Because you were ready to leave, and he was-"
"Once again, Jesse, I had to assert my dominance."
"Okay, I get it. Goddammit. Look man, just... these next two weeks, lie low. Just hit the gym or something. All you need to worry about is Tristan. Just do me a favor, if you catch wind of him running his fucking mouth, which im sure he'll do, don't go taking it out on the public. Save it for the damned ring."
"Oh? What if... What"
"No what ifs, pretty boy. Do what I say, and we'll all get on just fine. Remember, stay out of trouble, and win. Plain and simple. If not, well, I don't want to have to remind you again. Look man, I want to see you succeed just as much as you do, but the fact still remains, that you're not completely changed. There's still some of the old you lurking in there."
*Shit. He's on to us. Cut bait! Cut bait! Bail!*
"Right right. Look, man, as engaging as this conversation was, I think i'm gonna take off. Hit the clubs, the bars, take in the night life... Have some gay sex- What? No... No, bang bitches. Lots of em. Line em up and knock em down."
"With your dick inkt, and use protection. Who or what you fuck is none of my concern. It's when you go ray rice on em, that's what gets me pissed off."
"What if the bitch had it coming, and she'd pushed all the buttons in the elevator? Hmm? Maybe that's what the video didn't show. That's enough to piss anyone off. Come to think of it, I almost back handed a small child for doing some shit like that. If I did, would that make me some sort of Peterson Rice hybrid?"
"Why the fuck would you even say that?"
"Cause that's how I roll. That's gangster as fuck right there. That's how I get my rocks off at the truck stops. I beat a dude into submission, establish dominance, and then fuck him in the ass- The fuck?! No! Dammit! Stop talking for me!"
Jesse pauses and looks at inkt a bit bewildered.
"So, i'm going to give you a card. It's got the number of a shrink. There might be some unresolved issues with you still. I mean, I could be totally wrong, I'm no doctor, but... You made it almost a full conversation without mentioning anything fucking random, gay, or just plain stupid. Yet, here we are with me handing you this card. The company will pay for it, and it's totally optional, but it's strongly recommended that you look into it?"
Inkt reaches out and takes the card. Reading it to himself, he shakes his head.
"Of course... Jewish. Shocker. Damn good thing the company's paying for it."
"Dude, you're jewish."
"Not all the way. Just cause I'm circumsized doesn't mean im jewish. My mom didn't want me to have a turtle neck."
"Your last name is goldstein"
"I renounced that name long ago. I've taken up a new religion."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. The religion of whoop ass."
"Okay, we're done here. I can't handle any more stupid shit from you for the day. Call the doctor, set up an appointment, and get it over with."
*Stick the card down the back of your pants, bro. Wipe your ass with it! Shit'll be fuckin funny as fuck! DO IT!*
As prompted, and not really even realizing what he was doing, Inkt did as instructed. However, he took it a step further. He slapped the card onto Jesse's chest and trailed it down his arm, and back into the palm of his hand.
"Honestly, I don't think i'll be needing it. Let's face it, bro. Two inkts are better than one, right?"
"Fuck my life. Get. the. fuck. out. NOW!!"
Inkt shrugs, and walks out the door, and whistles to himself as he throws up his hands yelling down the hall way.
"I'm back, bitches! Ya'll better get ready for the man of fucking war! Ambrose! I'm coming for you, Fag!"
*Really, bro? Fag? That's the pot calling the kettle black, isn't it?*
"Fuck you other inkt."
*Sneaky wank? Totally? Let's go fire one out in scarlet's...uh... Does she even have an office or anything?*
"Fuck it, we'll fire one out on or in something. Let's do this shit!"
Standing up, and announcing to the few people within the shop, as they minded their own business perusing the latest comic releases, and star wars fan fic, he smiled.
"Did gay porn! Several times! Took it in the ass, like a champ!"
Blinking, he had managed to catch himself off guard with the blatant, almost tourette like announcement. Sitting back down quickly, he looked from side to side and shrugged a bit, offering a bit of an apologetic gesture.
"Sorry, I don't know what came over me."
*sure you do, you know damn good and well what came over you, banner.*
"Banner?"
Inkt hadn't realized what he'd heard was coming from his head. A voice similar to his own, but with a bit more of a happy tone to it.
*You silly bitch. You just made yourself look even more weird, clearly, no one here is reading the incredible hulk. Especially after announcing what you just did. Speaking of, you know when banner hulks out? Yeah, you think like everything expands, or he just goes beast mode, but still has like a normal human sized unit? Personally, i think it'd be hilarious if he'd just had a normal sized human paynus, but that's just me. . . Well, I guess that's just you too, Isn't it you big bad man of war?*
Looking to the table, he quickly grabs a cup of water; slams it, and then places it back on the table.
*Water? Really? Dude, you know you need some alcohol up in here. I mean look at all these basement dwelling nerds. How in the fuckin fuck are you able to maintain in here?*
Clearly, Inkt wasn't maintaining. If he was, he wouldn't be having this little relapse into a version of himself that he'd worked so hard on repressing for these past six plus months. He had done his best to distance himself from everything that had made him the laughing stock of New Edge. The ass of all the jokes. The gay bitch with roid rage. He wasted no time in recreating the man of war. He made damn well and sure that everything was in check before he accepted the contract from Jesse. He was wrong. Now, there was a slight chance he was worse off then he was to begin with.
"What about Banner?"
Inkt looked up to the slender female standing in front of his table. A slight sigh escaped his lips as he looked to her through blood shot eyes.
"Excuse me?"
"After you announced to the store that you did gay porn... several times... You paused a bit, and then said banner?"
"right. I... I don't know really, just something that came out. Always been a bit of a hulk fan i guess. But, at the time I was saying it, it had nothing to do with the character. Just thought I'd heard something and was repeating it."
"Oh, so you do read comics? You're not just here for some random ass New Edge placement?"
"I can't say that I read em', I'm just a fan of the concept of the incredible hulk. I mean, it's the perfect spin on Jekyll and Hyde I think. You've got one dude, Banner, who's trying to maintain, and walk the line keeping things on the up and up, and then, when he gets pissed off, the monster in him comes out, reaping havoc on any and everything with zero remorse for his actions. It's totally something I can get behind, and for the most part, it's kind of me credo. Hell, in my business, they even coined a phrase from when i 'hulk' out. Inkt smash. You know?"
"Like hulk smash. Yeah, I get it. I'm Liddy, you, i take it, are inkt? The hell are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be doing something more worth while, or attending something that's more along the lines of... Oh, i don't know, athletic. Seriously, the people in here? They're not going to relate to you being in here... Not in the least. Truth be told, You're kind of intimidating them."
"Why?"
"Look at you? You fucking huge, bro. I mean, you don't look like 'their people.' "
"And you do? You're fuckin hot, yo. You look like you could... Hold on."
Inkt looks past the young woman and sees a guy standing behind her.
"Yeah? You need something?"
"I was hoping you had some insight on the latest Captain Marvel?"
"Why the fuck would I have any insight on that, bro? Dude, make like a fuck off and get the hell out of here."
He looks back to liddy and smiles.
"Did you just say, 'make like a fuck off and get the hell out of here?'
"Sure did."
"Oh. Okay, so, yeah, im just gonna let you be an asshole by yourself. kay? kay."
"Wh.. What the shit? We were talking comics."
"Clearly, you don't know comics or else you would have given me a better basis as to why you dig the incredible hulk. But, you know, your average screen savvy interpretation of his story is about par for the course when it comes to people like you."
"People like me? Shit. What makes you so high and mighty? You should be out doing something with your life. Those looks, and that ass? Woman, you could be pullin down all sorts of money, but instead, you're wasting your time in a fucking comic store. Where do you get off preaching to me, ya fuckin cock tease? Look, i thought you wanted some of this dick, clearly, I was mistaken. That being the case, you should come into some place like this rockin some sweats or something like that. Treat it like it's laundry day, instead of coming in here, lookin like someone who wants the D from someone famous and shit. I'm pretty much a big deal, you know?"
"Yeah? You're a big deal? That's why you're out here, and not in texas, or arizona, or wherever the hell your silly little show is? Look, I don't need to take this from you. I've got better things to do with my time than to get talked down to by a damned jersey shore gym fanatic."
"One time. One fucking time i did the whole jersey thing."
"Seriously? You thought i was talking about some random dark day in your past? No. I don't know who you are, or what you've done. The fact still remains, that you aren't a big enough deal to be at the show right now. You're here. Trying to hype something up that's down the road. Yeah, you must be really proud of your accomplishments."
*Tell her she looks fat in those shorts*
"I'm not gonna tell her she looks fat in those shorts. She looks fat cause she is fat."
Inkt gulps once more, and looks to her realizing what he'd just said.
"Don't suppose you didn't hear that?"
It was too late, she'd already bolted out the door after hearing him call her fat.
*Smooth, guy. Real smooth. Look, no one else can hear me. You should have picked up on that right now. I mean, watch. (the voice in inkt's head gets louder with the following vulgarities) COCK! ASS! PUSSY FUCKIN CREAM FARTS! See? No one can hear me. But you keep responding to yourself, and they're gonna think you're cray cray, yo. You wanna talk to me, all you have to do is think it. I'm just a voice in your head, you know.*
Inkt stands up, and leaves from the table and makes his way to the door. The clerk behind the counter stands up and approaches him.
"We had a deal, you were going to be here for 3 hours. You've only been here 45 minutes. I'm going to have to call Mr. Styles if you leave. Breach of contract and all."
*Call him a pussy and pimp slap him. It'll be funny. Assert yourself. Establish dominance. It's great. Just like when you grab random dudes at truck stops and donkey punch em after butt fucking em.*
"I don't donkey punch dudes any more."
"Well, that's great, guy, but you still have to-"
Inkt raises his hand, rears back, and smacks the guy across the face to the ground like he owed him money.
"You think i like this? Cause... Heh, yeah, i like this. Look, don't worry about jesse, I'll tell himself. I have a bit of a score to settle. The man of war has arrived."
*Nice. The man of war has arrived? Dude, really? Just let me out so i can take over. At least when I try to sound hard, i say it with an erection. You? Bro, come on. You're kind of missing the point. Now, put your hand on the door, and walk the fuck out. This kid's crying for his mom. Bail before someone calls the cops.*
Outisde, inkt begins to walk down the sidewalk, taking in the various "sites" the city has to offer. Slim to fucking none. Shocker. Unless he was an oil worker, there wasn't shit out here for him to do. Short of hop on a red eye, and crash the Demented party. Which, as we all know, he very well did.
"Are you fucking kidding me? Dude, you destroyed everyone in that fucking ring. Literally, everyone."
"Shit boss, you should be happy. Your wife won the fucking match. Look, I just wanted to make a point. It was to show the world that the man of war is back. Back and ready to fight."
"Oh, you're back huh? Right, i'll believe that when i see it. How long till you shit in my drawer, or fuck my wife, or even worse, abort another one of my children."
"Look, man, in all fairness, each of those things i did was well within the 'you deserved it' category. I've changed, I've changed a lot. I've put on about fifty pounds or so of lean muscle, been hitting the gym, and staying focused."
"No you haven't. You preached to the damned comic store i sent you to that you did several gay porns."
*Tell him it's true. You did do gay porn, and you're proud of it.*
"Im not going to tell him im proud of it."
"Tell me you're proud of what?"
"Doing... What I did, in the ring? Doing what I did in the past? Fuck it jesse, let's move on."
"No, Inkt, we're not moving on, you then proceeded to slap the owner of the store like he was a bottom bitch who owed you money. It's on fucking youtube man!"
"Nice. How many hits?"
"A lot... Like, more than a lot... Like, I don't think I could buy this kind of publicity."
"Then what's the problem?"
"It's bad fucking publicity! Don't you realize im trying to re structure the brand? I sent you there as a messenger of good will so to speak, Inkt. Jesus fuck! What is it with you? I can't trust you to do the most remedial fucking things! I figured it would be great having you back since you didn't have your band of fucking retards and what not, but no! I kind of miss the fuckin old you. The one that ran his mouth about weird random ass shit, but never really backed it up. Now you just react. You don't even think before you swing!"
*Boy if only he'd known i was the one pulling the strings, eh? I bet he'd be all pissed.*
"You're not pulling the strings."
"The fuck? yes i am! I'm the fucking owner, asshole. I pull all the goddamned strings. But yours seems to have broken. Seriously. Look, Alright, I'm gonna give you a match, for the upcoming ignite. Kind of like a chance to prove yourself. Prove to me that I didn't just invest a shit ton of money into you based on your name and past accolades alone. I want you to take on Jake."
"Fucking jake who?"
"Jake fucking youngblood.."
"You mean, tristan Ambrose?"
"right. My bad. Yeah, you take him on, and you show me, you show the fucking world, that the man of war is still something to be feared and respected. Once you take care of that, then you and I can talk about what it means to work in this company this day and age. Dude, you... You CAN'T FUCKING PIMP SLAP THE PUBLIC ANYMORE!"
"Why the fuck not?"
"Well, for one, what if he were to press charges? You wouldn't pay for it, I would. I'd try and dock your pay, and then you'd put up even more deviance. I'd pretty much be forced to fire you, or suspend you, or whatever the fuck, but at the same time, I'd be forced to still pay you. Just like I have been all this time. Just fucking get out there, fight Ambrose, show me and the world that you haven't lost it, and you know what? We'll go from there."
"We'll go from there. So, this is some sort of negotiation where, if I win we discuss my future? What if... Never mind..."
"What if what? You lose? Oh, losing's out of the realm of possibility for you? Last time I checked, there towards the end, after pugh was put in the hospital, you were doing pretty good at losing. You pretty much proved to all the haters out there, that you needed him a whole hell of a lot more than he needed you when it came to winning."
"Whoa! Pump the breaks, fuck'o. Those are fighting words."
"Are they? Fuckin good. Cause honestly, I don't think you can beat ambrose. So, let's just go ahead and call a spade a spade here, and say, when you lose... You're gonna be dark matching for a while. Dark matching to all the so called New Guard. You're a fucking vet, inkt. A hall of fucking famer. You want that shit? Huh? You want to be the first stepping stone for these guys? A former world champ helping to spring board the new talent into the next tier of excellence while you just stay dormant at the bottom? You can kiss any sort of title shot good bye. I know you'll tell me that titles don't mean shit to you, but you and I both that's not true. What's more important? You'll literally lose any ounce of respect anyone has ever had for you. The fans will just be getting to the show while your matches are finishing up. You'd basically be like the batting practice of the wrestling world. Only the die hards would show up to see the matches you're in. The die hards that aren't your fans might I add. We're talking the people who follow the rookies from the indy leagues, and developmental stuff. Just so they can show their kids that they know what they're talking about. They'll point at you and be all, 'you see that guy there? He used to be somebody. Now, watch this son, he's about to get his ass kicked by the next world champion. Watch, it'll be great.' You really want that?"
"Jesus fuck, man. That's some fucked up hostility you got there, Jess."
"Fucked up but true."
*ask him how many hits the pimp slap has. Just ask him. Do it.*
"So, how many hits?"
"How many hits what?"
"How many hits does the video have of me laying that dude out?"
"I dont know. like 200 or so?"
"That's not a lot at all..."
"Thousand, Inkt... 200 thousand. The video is only a week old, and there's already fuckin remixes of it. You remember that fuckin video where the lady's all 'ain't nobody got time fo dat?' This is like that. The shit is all over facebook. It's been edited over and over. There's even one of you fuckin hitting the dude while riding the nyan cat or whatever. You literally are riding on its back, and you do a fly by smack down."
"That's fucking great!"
"Is it? Cause im pretty sure you single handedly just fucked over everything positive that everyone over the past week has done. Envy threw out a first pitch. A handful of them went to the children's hospital and did all sorts of POSITIVE THINGS! What do you do? Fucking slap the shit out of a helpless comic book store owner... After calling some chick fat? Dude?! Really?!"
"Well, there was a certain thickness about her that I did find pretty hot. Hell, at first glance she looked slender. But when she turned to the side, she was like all muffin top. Look at me... hell, look at you! We're fucking adonis! We're chiseled works of art. Like, michaelangelo couldn't have made something better. So yeah, she was thick. I called her out on it. Shit happens. When you look this good, you want to assert yourself. Establish dominance of the weaker beings."
"Jesus christ, man!"
"Wait, is that shit on you tube too?"
"Sort of... It's not as popular as the staged dennis quaide rant, but it's close. However, both those added together still doesn't equal the slap. Fucking shit, man. Why? Why did you do it?!"
"Hell, you know why, you saw the video."
"Because you were ready to leave, and he was-"
"Once again, Jesse, I had to assert my dominance."
"Okay, I get it. Goddammit. Look man, just... these next two weeks, lie low. Just hit the gym or something. All you need to worry about is Tristan. Just do me a favor, if you catch wind of him running his fucking mouth, which im sure he'll do, don't go taking it out on the public. Save it for the damned ring."
"Oh? What if... What"
"No what ifs, pretty boy. Do what I say, and we'll all get on just fine. Remember, stay out of trouble, and win. Plain and simple. If not, well, I don't want to have to remind you again. Look man, I want to see you succeed just as much as you do, but the fact still remains, that you're not completely changed. There's still some of the old you lurking in there."
*Shit. He's on to us. Cut bait! Cut bait! Bail!*
"Right right. Look, man, as engaging as this conversation was, I think i'm gonna take off. Hit the clubs, the bars, take in the night life... Have some gay sex- What? No... No, bang bitches. Lots of em. Line em up and knock em down."
"With your dick inkt, and use protection. Who or what you fuck is none of my concern. It's when you go ray rice on em, that's what gets me pissed off."
"What if the bitch had it coming, and she'd pushed all the buttons in the elevator? Hmm? Maybe that's what the video didn't show. That's enough to piss anyone off. Come to think of it, I almost back handed a small child for doing some shit like that. If I did, would that make me some sort of Peterson Rice hybrid?"
"Why the fuck would you even say that?"
"Cause that's how I roll. That's gangster as fuck right there. That's how I get my rocks off at the truck stops. I beat a dude into submission, establish dominance, and then fuck him in the ass- The fuck?! No! Dammit! Stop talking for me!"
Jesse pauses and looks at inkt a bit bewildered.
"So, i'm going to give you a card. It's got the number of a shrink. There might be some unresolved issues with you still. I mean, I could be totally wrong, I'm no doctor, but... You made it almost a full conversation without mentioning anything fucking random, gay, or just plain stupid. Yet, here we are with me handing you this card. The company will pay for it, and it's totally optional, but it's strongly recommended that you look into it?"
Inkt reaches out and takes the card. Reading it to himself, he shakes his head.
"Of course... Jewish. Shocker. Damn good thing the company's paying for it."
"Dude, you're jewish."
"Not all the way. Just cause I'm circumsized doesn't mean im jewish. My mom didn't want me to have a turtle neck."
"Your last name is goldstein"
"I renounced that name long ago. I've taken up a new religion."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. The religion of whoop ass."
"Okay, we're done here. I can't handle any more stupid shit from you for the day. Call the doctor, set up an appointment, and get it over with."
*Stick the card down the back of your pants, bro. Wipe your ass with it! Shit'll be fuckin funny as fuck! DO IT!*
As prompted, and not really even realizing what he was doing, Inkt did as instructed. However, he took it a step further. He slapped the card onto Jesse's chest and trailed it down his arm, and back into the palm of his hand.
"Honestly, I don't think i'll be needing it. Let's face it, bro. Two inkts are better than one, right?"
"Fuck my life. Get. the. fuck. out. NOW!!"
Inkt shrugs, and walks out the door, and whistles to himself as he throws up his hands yelling down the hall way.
"I'm back, bitches! Ya'll better get ready for the man of fucking war! Ambrose! I'm coming for you, Fag!"
*Really, bro? Fag? That's the pot calling the kettle black, isn't it?*
"Fuck you other inkt."
*Sneaky wank? Totally? Let's go fire one out in scarlet's...uh... Does she even have an office or anything?*
"Fuck it, we'll fire one out on or in something. Let's do this shit!"