Post by Ricky Cassels on May 7, 2014 15:39:43 GMT -6
The day in which you bring a child into this world should be one of the most special and joyous occasions of your life. No matter what said child comes out of “there” looking like, a special bond is immediately formed between the parents and the child. At least that is how it’s supposed to work. As well all know, that is not always the case as there are many children in the world who are born to parents who are disinterested in the child and more interested in other things. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, prostitution, kinky sex, etc.
But for those parents out there, who actually do give a shit about their children, being a parent is by far tougher than any job then they will ever have in their life. Once the new wears off and the parents are sent home from the hospital with their new child in hand, the parenting begins. And it can be brutal. Whether it’s a sick child who doesn’t like to go to bed at night…. Or having to mix up bottles during the middle of the night. Maybe it’s both. To having to listen to a crying child cutting his or her first set of teeth. You better make damn sure you have mentally prepared yourself to have kids before you start having them. Because it’s not easy.
And so begins the molding process. As the child grows into adulthood, as a parent you have the opportunity to parent your child however you desire. I believe everyone can agree there are many different ways in which you can parent your children. Some people like to place strict structure in the child’s life. While other parents may strong discipline their children. You have parents that are very laid back in the parenting process and allow the child to learn and do things on their own. And then you have the parents who give their children everything they ask for…… (Most people know this as spoiling).
Ricky Bobby has never been one to be spoiled in his life. His father raised him in a broken down single wide trailer and his father raised him in a broken down single wide trailer and his father didn’t have trailers during his life so he raised Ricky Bobby’s grandfather in a single room cabin and his father raised him in a single room cabin and then his father raised him in a single room cabin (you get where I’m going with this?). Ricky Bobby comes from a long line of poverty. He doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a spoiled little kid who gets everything he wants. But there is someone in NEW who was spoiled rotten as a kid. More on that later.
Nikki Juggs is clipping her long, grotesque toe nails as she sits on the couch. She and Ricky Bobby are inside their single wide trailer. Both Nikki and Ricky Bobby are glad to be back in the south after many months on the road, mainly out of country. They are of course at the Nevaeh Trailer Park in Alabama.
The cushions on the coach as completely worn the hell out. And they have cat shit all over them from the 9 cats that live inside Ricky & Nikki’s trailer. Nikki clips a toe nail and it sails across the room and lands on the shag carpet of the single wide. Meanwhile, Ricky Bobby is sitting in his completely worn out pleather recliner drinking Busch Light while watching Nikki clip her toe nails.
Ricky Bobby: Baby, ya know I like it when ya let me clip yer’ toe nails for ya!
Nikki Juggs: Ya ain’t clippin’ no gaw damn toe nails ta-night, Ricky Bobby…
Ricky Bobby: *trying to be seductive* Not even wid muh’ mouth?
Nikki Juggs: No! *continues clipping*
Ricky Bobby: Why tha’ hell not? *sips beer*
Nikki Juggs: Because ya lost yer’ match…. Again!
Ricky Bobby: I didn’t lose gaw dammit! I bet tha’ god damn Queen for fucks sake!! But then that sum-bitch Buggy* took my muh’ gaw damn title away from meh.
Nikki Juggs: Whatever… ya ain’t got no title which means ya ain’t got no money… AGAIN! I’m a tired of livin’ in this shit hole trailer, Ricky Bobby!
Ricky Bobby: But Jesse assured me that Pugh was gonna keep paying me muh big paycheck of ten whole dollars per match when he took over NEW.
Nikki Juggs: *screaming* TEN FUCKIN’ DOLLAS’! ARE YA KIDDIN’ ME!?
Ricky Bobby: I know it baby… can ya believe those suckers pay me all that money just for wrasslin’??
Nikki Juggs: *still screaming* YA IDIOT!!! YA DRINK MORE THAN TEN DOLLARS PER DAY IN GAW DAMN BEER!!!!
Ricky Bobby: *takes a sip of beer* Well ain’t that what the guber-ment is fer’… To pay for our food and beer?
Nikki Juggs: If ya don’t start making more money, I’m a gonna leave ya for Old Man Elwood up there in tha’ double wide on tha’ hill. He sho’ does make lots of money trappin’ them hawgs and such.
Ricky Bobby: *angry & shouting* NOT OLD MAN ELWOOD! *slings ¾ full can of beer across the room and through the window shattering the glass. Not that it really matters because the window already was half broken from previous trailer park shenanigans.* HE'S 80 FUCKIN' YEARS OLD!
Nikki Juggs: He’s 70... and besides, he's got lots of money! Any man that can buy a brand new double wide is marrying material!!
Ricky Bobby: *shouting* YOU TAKE THAT BACK NIKKI JUGGS!
Meanwhile Mama Juggs, Nikki & Ricky’s roommate, who has heard all the commotion of yelling and glass breaking, comes strolling into the scene. She is wearing nothing but a old ass bra that barely covers her tremendously sagging breasts and a pair of granny panties that may be 4 sizes too small. Mama Juggs appears to be drunk and/or high and is puffing away on a Marlboro Red cigarette.
Mama Juggs: Will ya two shut the gaw damn hell up so I can sleep! Jesus fn’ Christ!?
Ricky Bobby: *checks out Mama Jugg’s ass* Sorry ‘bout that Mama Juggs! Nikki just said that she was a gonna run off with Old Man Elwood!
Mama Juggs: *turns to Nikki* Ohhh honey, ya don’t wanna do that…
Nikki Juggs: Why not mama?
Mama Juggs: Old Man Elwood is a what ya would call a…….. one minute man…. *giggles only to be followed by the worst smoker’s cough you’ve ever heard*
Ricky Bobby: Ya mean he can die at any minute?
Nikki Juggs: No dumbass! It means that he can only have sex fer’ a minute before he……… Uhhhh…….. Ya know….
Ricky Bobby: Dies?
Nikki Juggs: No! Before he blows his load…. Kinda like ya blew yer’ load after one minute of sex….
Ricky Bobby: *on the defense* Not after I’ve drank a twelve pack of Busch Light, bitch!!!
Mama Juggs: … not ta’ mention he’s a tight wid his money too! Old Man Elwood once took me out for a pork chop dinner and made me buy muh’ own damn pork chop... Then we had shitty sex on that couch afterwards *points to disgusting couch Nikki is stting on*
Ricky Bobby: And then he ate yer’ pork chop?
Mama Juggs: *turns her attention toward Ricky* Honey, he ate a whole lot more than just muh’ pork chop…. He ate my….
Nikki Juggs: GAW DAMMIT MAMA!!! ENOUGH!!!!
Mama Juggs: Ya two remember this little conversation we had next time ya decide to wake me up from muh’ nap.
And with that comment, Mama Juggs exits the scene and goes back to bed where she would continue to sleep off her hangover. Meanwhile, Nikki begins clipping her grotesque toe nails once more as Ricky walks over to the mini fridge and opens the door. He grabs a Busch Light and pops the top as he walks back over to his recliner and takes a seat.
Nikki Juggs: *never looks up at Ricky as she continues clipping toe nails.* So what ya gonna do about yer’ title, Ricky Bobby?
Ricky Bobby: Title? Ha! Meh! Fuck da title…
Nikki Juggs: *stops clipping and looks up at Ricky* What tha’ hell do ya mean ‘fuck da title’? The title is our gravy train!
Ricky Bobby: Did ya not hear the news, baby?
Nikki Juggs: What news?
Ricky Bobby: The Ricky got a chance to win tha’ NEW World Title… now that’s gonna be our fuckin’ gravy train right there!!
Nikki Juggs: Ya mean yer’ gonna be wrasslin’ Pew* again?
Ricky Bobby: Gaw dammit baby! What tha’ hell do ya do with yer’ spare time. I’m in the Terra’ Dome qualifying match on Ignite this week down in Or-land-do!
Nikki Juggs: What in tha’ blue hell is Terra’ Dome?
Ricky reaches in his back pocket and pulls out a wrinkled piece of folded up paper. He unfolds the paper and hands it over to Nikki. Nikki looks at the piece of paper and begins reading…
Terrordome Match
Invented by Al Envy, this is THE definitive match of New Edge Wrestling folklore. Taking place inside an enormous Elimination Chamber-style dome with two tiers, a total of six wrestlers will participate. The layout of the match is as follows. The ringside area inside the dome will be covered by steel grating, much like in the actual Elimination Chamber. Two holes in the roof of the first tier on either side of the dome will allow the wrestlers to get up to the second tier, but they must use ladders that have been coated in barbed wire. On the second tier, a scaffold is built, but the walls and the floor will be coated in weapons, barbed wire and other deadly things, such as C4 explosives. Once again, the wrestlers must use the barbed wire ladders to get onto the scaffold. A championship or briefcase will be hanging above the scaffold, depending on what is at stake. Due to the violent nature of the match, it will take place under Insane Rules. The match ends when the championship or briefcase has been successfully retrieved.
Nikki Juggs: I don’t even know what tha’ hell this says….
Ricky Bobby: Me either, I was a hopin’ ya could read it to me seeing as how I sho’ can’t read it!
Nikki Juggs: Ohhh, we just got so much in common Ricky Bobby… I can’t wait till one day when we can be married.
Oh shit, did Nikki just really drop the M word on unsuspecting Ricky Bobby!? She most certainly did. And Ricky Bobby’s face has turned pale as a ghost at this very second. The thoughts of marriage began to completely overwhelm him to the point where he fills like he is about to puke all over the single wide. He begins to feel light headed and dizzy and does the only thing he thinks will cure the suffering… Ricky Bobby pulls out his pocket knife, cuts a drinking hole in the bottom of his Busch Light can, and shotguns the entire beer in 3 seconds flat. There! All better now.
Nikki Juggs: Ya okay Ricky Bobby?
Ricky Bobby: I’m just dandy, now. *walks over to fridge and grabs another beer. Pops top.*
Nikki Juggs: So who ya gonna be wrasslin’ at that Terra’ Dome Qualifying match?
Good God damn question Nikki…. Who exactly was Ricky Bobby going to be facing? Fuck if he knew. More importantly, did anyone know who Ricky Bobby was going to be facing. On paper, he is set to face Ryan Pugh Jr. But does anyone even know a god damn thing about RPJ other than he is the defiant son of NEW legend Ryan Pugh… and he previously wrestled under the alter ego of Crazy Carl… who by the way defeated Ricky Bobby not too long ago.
There is no doubt that Ryan Pugh Jr. has issues. For one, daddy has given into his every damned. If Ryan Pugh Jr. wanted a new Tonka truck, daddy bought him a new Tonka truck… if Ryan Pugh Jr. wanted an in-ground swimming pool, then daddy bought him a swimming pool… If RPJ wanted a god damn trust fund, daddy set him up a trust fund…. And if Ryan Pugh Jr. wanted a blow job, then daddy gave him a……………
……. Handful of money to go purchase a blow jobs from the finest hookers in the land!
Point is, Ryan Pugh Jr. has never earned any god damn thing he has received throughout his emo ass life. His daddy has always given into his every demand which has poisoned his son… Poisoned RPJ to the point where he doesn’t have the drive or desire to earn things with sweat and hard work. He thinks everything will be given to him now that he has joined ‘Daddy’s Federation’.
Even Ryan Pugh knows that his son is a complete fuck wad. That is the whole reason why Pugh tried to keep RPJ out of New Edge Wrestling. Hell the kid has mooched off dear ol’ dad for 20 something years now. Big Pugh knows that the mooching has got to come to an end somehow or not. But nooooo, now RPJ is here to mooch but this time not off of Daddy’s money, but off of Daddy’s greatness. But what Ryan Pugh Jr. doesn’t realize is that no matter how great his father may be in the ring, there is one man who has kicked his ass more times than not… And that man just so happens to be Little Pugh’s opposition this week….
Ricky Bobby: … Looks like I’m a gonna be wrasslin’ Ryan Pew Jun-yer’. And when I finish whippin’ Junior’s ass in the ring then I get to move onto Pew Senior. I’m a getting’ closer and closer to gaining my revenge on Pugh for what he did to ya, baby!
Nikki Juggs: I can’t wait till ya kick that fat sum-bitch’s ass and bring home tha’ bacon**!! Then we can eat high on the hog!
Ricky Bobby: *looks at his not so beautiful female companion and flashes a smile at her* That’s right, baby. Get read, cause when I win that NEW World Title… I’m a gonna buy ya the biggest gaw damn double wide trailer ya ever laid yer’ eyes on so ya won’t have to go courtin fuckin’ Old Man Elwood no more!!
Caption
*- Ryan Pugh
**- NEW World Title
But for those parents out there, who actually do give a shit about their children, being a parent is by far tougher than any job then they will ever have in their life. Once the new wears off and the parents are sent home from the hospital with their new child in hand, the parenting begins. And it can be brutal. Whether it’s a sick child who doesn’t like to go to bed at night…. Or having to mix up bottles during the middle of the night. Maybe it’s both. To having to listen to a crying child cutting his or her first set of teeth. You better make damn sure you have mentally prepared yourself to have kids before you start having them. Because it’s not easy.
And so begins the molding process. As the child grows into adulthood, as a parent you have the opportunity to parent your child however you desire. I believe everyone can agree there are many different ways in which you can parent your children. Some people like to place strict structure in the child’s life. While other parents may strong discipline their children. You have parents that are very laid back in the parenting process and allow the child to learn and do things on their own. And then you have the parents who give their children everything they ask for…… (Most people know this as spoiling).
Ricky Bobby has never been one to be spoiled in his life. His father raised him in a broken down single wide trailer and his father raised him in a broken down single wide trailer and his father didn’t have trailers during his life so he raised Ricky Bobby’s grandfather in a single room cabin and his father raised him in a single room cabin and then his father raised him in a single room cabin (you get where I’m going with this?). Ricky Bobby comes from a long line of poverty. He doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a spoiled little kid who gets everything he wants. But there is someone in NEW who was spoiled rotten as a kid. More on that later.
Nikki Juggs is clipping her long, grotesque toe nails as she sits on the couch. She and Ricky Bobby are inside their single wide trailer. Both Nikki and Ricky Bobby are glad to be back in the south after many months on the road, mainly out of country. They are of course at the Nevaeh Trailer Park in Alabama.
The cushions on the coach as completely worn the hell out. And they have cat shit all over them from the 9 cats that live inside Ricky & Nikki’s trailer. Nikki clips a toe nail and it sails across the room and lands on the shag carpet of the single wide. Meanwhile, Ricky Bobby is sitting in his completely worn out pleather recliner drinking Busch Light while watching Nikki clip her toe nails.
Ricky Bobby: Baby, ya know I like it when ya let me clip yer’ toe nails for ya!
Nikki Juggs: Ya ain’t clippin’ no gaw damn toe nails ta-night, Ricky Bobby…
Ricky Bobby: *trying to be seductive* Not even wid muh’ mouth?
Nikki Juggs: No! *continues clipping*
Ricky Bobby: Why tha’ hell not? *sips beer*
Nikki Juggs: Because ya lost yer’ match…. Again!
Ricky Bobby: I didn’t lose gaw dammit! I bet tha’ god damn Queen for fucks sake!! But then that sum-bitch Buggy* took my muh’ gaw damn title away from meh.
Nikki Juggs: Whatever… ya ain’t got no title which means ya ain’t got no money… AGAIN! I’m a tired of livin’ in this shit hole trailer, Ricky Bobby!
Ricky Bobby: But Jesse assured me that Pugh was gonna keep paying me muh big paycheck of ten whole dollars per match when he took over NEW.
Nikki Juggs: *screaming* TEN FUCKIN’ DOLLAS’! ARE YA KIDDIN’ ME!?
Ricky Bobby: I know it baby… can ya believe those suckers pay me all that money just for wrasslin’??
Nikki Juggs: *still screaming* YA IDIOT!!! YA DRINK MORE THAN TEN DOLLARS PER DAY IN GAW DAMN BEER!!!!
Ricky Bobby: *takes a sip of beer* Well ain’t that what the guber-ment is fer’… To pay for our food and beer?
Nikki Juggs: If ya don’t start making more money, I’m a gonna leave ya for Old Man Elwood up there in tha’ double wide on tha’ hill. He sho’ does make lots of money trappin’ them hawgs and such.
Ricky Bobby: *angry & shouting* NOT OLD MAN ELWOOD! *slings ¾ full can of beer across the room and through the window shattering the glass. Not that it really matters because the window already was half broken from previous trailer park shenanigans.* HE'S 80 FUCKIN' YEARS OLD!
Nikki Juggs: He’s 70... and besides, he's got lots of money! Any man that can buy a brand new double wide is marrying material!!
Ricky Bobby: *shouting* YOU TAKE THAT BACK NIKKI JUGGS!
Meanwhile Mama Juggs, Nikki & Ricky’s roommate, who has heard all the commotion of yelling and glass breaking, comes strolling into the scene. She is wearing nothing but a old ass bra that barely covers her tremendously sagging breasts and a pair of granny panties that may be 4 sizes too small. Mama Juggs appears to be drunk and/or high and is puffing away on a Marlboro Red cigarette.
Mama Juggs: Will ya two shut the gaw damn hell up so I can sleep! Jesus fn’ Christ!?
Ricky Bobby: *checks out Mama Jugg’s ass* Sorry ‘bout that Mama Juggs! Nikki just said that she was a gonna run off with Old Man Elwood!
Mama Juggs: *turns to Nikki* Ohhh honey, ya don’t wanna do that…
Nikki Juggs: Why not mama?
Mama Juggs: Old Man Elwood is a what ya would call a…….. one minute man…. *giggles only to be followed by the worst smoker’s cough you’ve ever heard*
Ricky Bobby: Ya mean he can die at any minute?
Nikki Juggs: No dumbass! It means that he can only have sex fer’ a minute before he……… Uhhhh…….. Ya know….
Ricky Bobby: Dies?
Nikki Juggs: No! Before he blows his load…. Kinda like ya blew yer’ load after one minute of sex….
Ricky Bobby: *on the defense* Not after I’ve drank a twelve pack of Busch Light, bitch!!!
Mama Juggs: … not ta’ mention he’s a tight wid his money too! Old Man Elwood once took me out for a pork chop dinner and made me buy muh’ own damn pork chop... Then we had shitty sex on that couch afterwards *points to disgusting couch Nikki is stting on*
Ricky Bobby: And then he ate yer’ pork chop?
Mama Juggs: *turns her attention toward Ricky* Honey, he ate a whole lot more than just muh’ pork chop…. He ate my….
Nikki Juggs: GAW DAMMIT MAMA!!! ENOUGH!!!!
Mama Juggs: Ya two remember this little conversation we had next time ya decide to wake me up from muh’ nap.
And with that comment, Mama Juggs exits the scene and goes back to bed where she would continue to sleep off her hangover. Meanwhile, Nikki begins clipping her grotesque toe nails once more as Ricky walks over to the mini fridge and opens the door. He grabs a Busch Light and pops the top as he walks back over to his recliner and takes a seat.
Nikki Juggs: *never looks up at Ricky as she continues clipping toe nails.* So what ya gonna do about yer’ title, Ricky Bobby?
Ricky Bobby: Title? Ha! Meh! Fuck da title…
Nikki Juggs: *stops clipping and looks up at Ricky* What tha’ hell do ya mean ‘fuck da title’? The title is our gravy train!
Ricky Bobby: Did ya not hear the news, baby?
Nikki Juggs: What news?
Ricky Bobby: The Ricky got a chance to win tha’ NEW World Title… now that’s gonna be our fuckin’ gravy train right there!!
Nikki Juggs: Ya mean yer’ gonna be wrasslin’ Pew* again?
Ricky Bobby: Gaw dammit baby! What tha’ hell do ya do with yer’ spare time. I’m in the Terra’ Dome qualifying match on Ignite this week down in Or-land-do!
Nikki Juggs: What in tha’ blue hell is Terra’ Dome?
Ricky reaches in his back pocket and pulls out a wrinkled piece of folded up paper. He unfolds the paper and hands it over to Nikki. Nikki looks at the piece of paper and begins reading…
Terrordome Match
Invented by Al Envy, this is THE definitive match of New Edge Wrestling folklore. Taking place inside an enormous Elimination Chamber-style dome with two tiers, a total of six wrestlers will participate. The layout of the match is as follows. The ringside area inside the dome will be covered by steel grating, much like in the actual Elimination Chamber. Two holes in the roof of the first tier on either side of the dome will allow the wrestlers to get up to the second tier, but they must use ladders that have been coated in barbed wire. On the second tier, a scaffold is built, but the walls and the floor will be coated in weapons, barbed wire and other deadly things, such as C4 explosives. Once again, the wrestlers must use the barbed wire ladders to get onto the scaffold. A championship or briefcase will be hanging above the scaffold, depending on what is at stake. Due to the violent nature of the match, it will take place under Insane Rules. The match ends when the championship or briefcase has been successfully retrieved.
Nikki Juggs: I don’t even know what tha’ hell this says….
Ricky Bobby: Me either, I was a hopin’ ya could read it to me seeing as how I sho’ can’t read it!
Nikki Juggs: Ohhh, we just got so much in common Ricky Bobby… I can’t wait till one day when we can be married.
Oh shit, did Nikki just really drop the M word on unsuspecting Ricky Bobby!? She most certainly did. And Ricky Bobby’s face has turned pale as a ghost at this very second. The thoughts of marriage began to completely overwhelm him to the point where he fills like he is about to puke all over the single wide. He begins to feel light headed and dizzy and does the only thing he thinks will cure the suffering… Ricky Bobby pulls out his pocket knife, cuts a drinking hole in the bottom of his Busch Light can, and shotguns the entire beer in 3 seconds flat. There! All better now.
Nikki Juggs: Ya okay Ricky Bobby?
Ricky Bobby: I’m just dandy, now. *walks over to fridge and grabs another beer. Pops top.*
Nikki Juggs: So who ya gonna be wrasslin’ at that Terra’ Dome Qualifying match?
Good God damn question Nikki…. Who exactly was Ricky Bobby going to be facing? Fuck if he knew. More importantly, did anyone know who Ricky Bobby was going to be facing. On paper, he is set to face Ryan Pugh Jr. But does anyone even know a god damn thing about RPJ other than he is the defiant son of NEW legend Ryan Pugh… and he previously wrestled under the alter ego of Crazy Carl… who by the way defeated Ricky Bobby not too long ago.
There is no doubt that Ryan Pugh Jr. has issues. For one, daddy has given into his every damned. If Ryan Pugh Jr. wanted a new Tonka truck, daddy bought him a new Tonka truck… if Ryan Pugh Jr. wanted an in-ground swimming pool, then daddy bought him a swimming pool… If RPJ wanted a god damn trust fund, daddy set him up a trust fund…. And if Ryan Pugh Jr. wanted a blow job, then daddy gave him a……………
……. Handful of money to go purchase a blow jobs from the finest hookers in the land!
Point is, Ryan Pugh Jr. has never earned any god damn thing he has received throughout his emo ass life. His daddy has always given into his every demand which has poisoned his son… Poisoned RPJ to the point where he doesn’t have the drive or desire to earn things with sweat and hard work. He thinks everything will be given to him now that he has joined ‘Daddy’s Federation’.
Even Ryan Pugh knows that his son is a complete fuck wad. That is the whole reason why Pugh tried to keep RPJ out of New Edge Wrestling. Hell the kid has mooched off dear ol’ dad for 20 something years now. Big Pugh knows that the mooching has got to come to an end somehow or not. But nooooo, now RPJ is here to mooch but this time not off of Daddy’s money, but off of Daddy’s greatness. But what Ryan Pugh Jr. doesn’t realize is that no matter how great his father may be in the ring, there is one man who has kicked his ass more times than not… And that man just so happens to be Little Pugh’s opposition this week….
Ricky Bobby: … Looks like I’m a gonna be wrasslin’ Ryan Pew Jun-yer’. And when I finish whippin’ Junior’s ass in the ring then I get to move onto Pew Senior. I’m a getting’ closer and closer to gaining my revenge on Pugh for what he did to ya, baby!
Nikki Juggs: I can’t wait till ya kick that fat sum-bitch’s ass and bring home tha’ bacon**!! Then we can eat high on the hog!
Ricky Bobby: *looks at his not so beautiful female companion and flashes a smile at her* That’s right, baby. Get read, cause when I win that NEW World Title… I’m a gonna buy ya the biggest gaw damn double wide trailer ya ever laid yer’ eyes on so ya won’t have to go courtin fuckin’ Old Man Elwood no more!!
Caption
*- Ryan Pugh
**- NEW World Title