Post by Alan Envy on Feb 25, 2015 13:09:09 GMT -6
Did you like the surprise??
Because you can bet your ass Ricky Cassels absolutely loved it. He just doesn’t realize it because he is still in stable condition at the local county hospital. I am pretty sure that that entire emergency room can be pretty much named the NEW wing. Lets assume the number shall we??
Dravaka Drimstone: Dead on Arrival
Bradley James: Critical Condition
Valora Salinas: Poison Exposure from Blair’s tramp juice. (Seriously I bet that fucking stung)
Hunter Valentyne: Testicular Damage (But he was released because you would have to have a set first to get them injured.)
Yet the thing is I am sure that Ricky Cassels will recover from his physical abuse he took at Ignite 200. But you see it wasn’t the plan this entire time to physically ruin Ricky Cassels. It was to bury his redneck ass mentally. And at Ignite 200 by God the final blow was delivered to Ricky.
You trusted Jesse Styles didn’t you? You actually thought he was a friend to you that looked out for our best interest. I mean hell he gave you the TA title once didn’t he? Nothing says friendship like a guy handing you a belt that you didn’t deserve.
The thing is kid you were considered in high regard to the owner of New Edg Wrestling. You were loyal, trustworthy, and as fucking dependable as anyone in this company. You were the last guy that would screw him over in his mind. You would expect someone like Johnny Stylez or Ryan Pugh, or XXX, hell a laundry list of people to get that one blow on Jesse Styles. But it came from someone he actually respected. So before you say Jesse Styles and Al Envy screwed you Ricky Cassels, it was you that screwed him. Oh and myself too.
The worst thing you could possibly do asshole is cost Jesse Styles money, and when your little, sorry fat fuck girlfriend decided to be one of those that sued him and you knew she did it and got damn thought it was fine it was like you took a knife and stabbed it straight in his back. And do you want to know why you screwed me little man?? You took my title, my TA title I fucking dug out of the grave because of people like Blair Buchannan tainting it and accepted it like you fucking earned it after I lost it to Scarlet Styles.
Thats what this whole thing is all about boy. Its about someone like you fucking disrespecting me and Jesse Styles. A pile of redneck shit like you don’t have the right to disrespect two guys like us. Two guys that made their name in this business and has done it all. Unlike you who had your only major title fucking handed to you. So get ready sir. Because if you think your life sucks right now? You will want to kill yourself by the time we finish this.
So the unholy union is complete. Jesse Styles and myself have finally revealed our association. The beautiful thing is that each and every one of you sstttuuupppiiiidddd mother fuckers really believed we were at each other’s throats. You bought into the Twitter war. You bought it when I bought Club Rain, of course it was burned down and I got three times what it was worth due to insurance which I gladly gave to my friend Jesse because well he was in it all along. You see yeah he lost a lot of money. But the mother fucker is still pretty damn wealthy.
And that is why we are about to head off to Hawaii. It was time for a celebration and to give us a couple days of relaxation. It was also a way for me to get to know what the hell Kaupena Yoon is all about, the man that is challenging me for my Trans-Atlantic title in the main event of Ignite 201. So what the fuck man? You lose a Battle of Chicago match and somehow you're awarded a TA title shot against mother fucking Al Envy?? Well kid if you consider that a prize then good for you.
As a matter of fact. Kaupena Yoon is too much for me to say. I am a red blooded American and only pronounce American names. So from here on out I am going to call you Poon Yoon. At least I pronounce your last name, and since I think you are a vagina until you prove me otherwise Poon fits. So Poon Yoon what is your deal man?? Who in the hell is this mighty Poon who thinks he is going to take NEW by storm by making his name off one of the cornerstones of this company was built on??
And where in the hell did you come from?? Where did you supposedly make your name from to even be offered a spot in the NEW?? From what I heard you were a part of some failed wrestling company in Hawaii. You from what I have heard because I don’t really pay attention to n00bs unless they challenge me is banking you name on some shit dump called HSW. I don’t even know what in the fuck HSW was, that is until I remember that a certain someone actually wrestled there.
Chris Styles: AWWW SSNNAAPP!!! Envy and Styles rides again bitches. The Cheetah and the Show Stealah!!! See I managed to fucking rhyme that shit right Al? Pretty cool huh?
The private jet couldn't get any smaller as Chris Styles had been getting on my fucking nerves ever since w left Chicago. I wanted Jesse to come with me but since we had finally showed the world that this whole thing was a giant fuck you with me and him he had to stay back and get back to business. He had a lot more names on the list that had fucked him over and he had plans for each and every single one of them. Starting with Matthew Carter.
Chris Styles: So where in the hell are we going man? Vegas to party?? Back to your place to get drunk?? Maybe I can get me a bitch to lick my pole. Wait maybe this stewardess wants to.
The attractive stewardess turned and looked at disdain at Chris Styles.
Chris Styles: Come on baby. This is my brother;s plane. You want to move up I can give you the good word. Just use that tongue to submit your resume directly to my OOWWW!!!
Smacking the back of his head I got Chris’ attention.
Chris Styles: Hey man wtf dammit!!! W….T….fucking F!!
I raised my hand to slap him again but he jerked back and stared at me.
Al Envy: This is about business. You were in HSW right??
Chris Styles: HSW what in the fuck is that??
Al Envy: Got dammit the wrestling company that was in Hawaii that was opened for a hot second!! You were there right??
Chris Styles: Yeah I was there OK?? But I don’t remember shit because like you said that place lasted about as long as a stable does with Hunter Valentyne in it. As in not very fucking long my brotha.
Al Envy: Shut the fuck up alright!!
Chris Styles kind of stares at me. I give him a dirty look then go back to staring out my window. I keep looking at my cell phone waiting for the call that I had been waiting for since I left Chicago. I had ran out of my medicine. Not very many people knew I took pain killers. When you have done this shit as long as I have your body starts having those aches and pains. On top of that I haven’t slept worth a fuck either. So I was also taking Somas to help myself sleep. And also using them both to get the edge off a little when I needed it.
Chris didn't know I used these pills, and Jesse didn't either. And even though Dixie had been around me quit a bit recently I had hid them from her too. I didn't need assholes that were jealous of me use the medicine taking to get to me. So it was my little secret.
Well the night before Ignite 200 I took my last 3 hydrocodones and my last somas. It had been 48 hours since my dose and I was starting to feel the affects of them not being in my system. I called my doctor in Texas who was very lenient with me on getting my scripts because well I paid a few thousand extra to him to get them to me. I had been waiting for the phone call for quite a while now. Seemed like fucking forever.
As far as where we are going we were about to land in Texas at Meacham Field in my hometown of Fort Worth, Texas. From there I had a rental that was going to take us to Gun Barrel City so I could visit one of my first graduated students from my wrestling academy at his farm there. He also wrestled in HSW and could probably know more about ol Poon Yoon. I knew fucking Chris wouldn't remember shit about HSW because well its Chris fucking Styles. He has to be reminded to wipe his ass after he shits. And from the smell of him someone forgot to advise him again.
The private jet landed on the airstrip at Meacham. The ladder hit the door and myself and the Cheetah stepped out and got a whip of the cold Texas air. Ice was accumulating on the roads but that couldn’t stop us. Gun Barrel City was about three hours away from the airport It was around 4 pm central and we would get there by at least 7:30. Then another three hours back here through treacherous conditions. That was way too much time for me to be in the same vehicle with Chris Styles. Way too much fucking time!!
Suddenly my phone rings, and like a kid waiting for his father to talk to him for their weekly chat because dad was never home, just like when I was a child, I answered it.
“Mr. Webster”
It was my doctor. About fucking time.
Al Envy: So did you get my scripts called in Doc. I am hurting like a bitch now. And I haven’t slept at all recently. You got my pharmacy’s number right??
As far as the pharmacy went I had a private one i slipped a little extra cash too as well. No matter how many prescriptions I had called in ol Samip my pharmacist filled those bitches stat.
Doctor: Uh yes I did Alan. I can’t refill them for you. I have filled you three times for 120 pills each time. No matter how much extra you give me in cash I get reviewed for this by the board. I can’t lose my practice for one patient.
My nerves just exploded hearing this news. The pain whether it was getting worse or I was just thinking it was did get worse.
Al Envy: Then fucking get me another doctor that can. Got dammit I need my medicine asshole!! Come the fuck on dude I need my shit.
The silence on the end just killed me.
Doctor: Maybe you should just consider a career change Alan. Obviously if you are in this much pain you need to consider it.
Al Envy: Oh fuck the hell off. You fired mother fucker!!
I ended the call and felt like bouncing this ot damn phone off the side of the plane. Chris Styles ignored what was going on as he once again tried to hook up with the stewardess.
Chris Styles: Come on baby ride with us. You not only could get a injection of the Cheetah juice but you might get it from that man right there. And believe you me sweet cheeks he is packing like a fucking. GOT DAMMIT!!!
I basically pulled Chris by the ear and threw a couple hundred at the lady. I told her to sit tight and get herself war and something to eat and I pulled him towards the SUV I had rented before we landed I threw Chris towards the passenger side. I quickly walked to the drivers side and signed the paperwork the attendant had who was waiting for me and brushed him off. Getting in the SUV I slammed the door and gritted my teeth.
Chris Styles: Dude….what the fuck man. You cock blocked me twice bro that ain’t cool yo! What is your problem man!
I looked at Chris and smiled at him.
Al Envy: I swear to God. If you talk one fucking time on the way there. I will leave you on the side of the road in East Texas. And there are pretty dangerous animals there.You couldn’t fucking survive and believe you me Jesse wouldn’t give two shits if you didn’t come back with me.
Chris Styles huffed and puffed
Chris Styles: Well...how will you know when I need to go to the bathroom??
Al Envy: Go on yourself, and pray to God it doesn’t stink.
Chris Styles smiled proudly.
Chris Styles: Wouldn't be the first time Al!! I got this shit yo!!
Placing the SUV in gear I give Chris on last warning look. He ran his finger across his lip and closed his eyes. I headed the vehicle east and off we went.
=======================================================================
Gun Barrel City, Texas
The icy roads were so rough that we had to stay at a cheap motel a little past Dallas. That bed made my got damn back hurt even wose. I guess I would have slept in the floor but I was pretty sure there was a rat the size of a cat that scurried across it on a nightly basis. So it was the perfect place for Chris to sleep.
Chris Styles: Man that was weird last night. I kept feeling something touching my leg and crawling up towards my junk. I thought maybe that hot bitch at the reception desk was coming in to get a little action.
Al Envy: Jesus Christ dude. It was a guy.
Chris Styles: No it was a chick. Didn't you hear the voice??
Al Envy: Ok whatever man. I don’t feel like dealing with your ass today. I just want to get to the farm and talk to Braden.
My nerves were gone, and my pain was in full fucking blast. I passed a couple of emergency rooms as we drove deeper into East Texas. I passed a couple of emergency rooms and was damn tempted to go to them and get me some pain pills. Yet how would it look to the wrestling world that Al Envy went to an emergency room in East Texas. That shit would blow up in media quicker than the way Ricky Cassels body went limp after that off the top rope pile driver I gave his sorry ass.
Finally we hit the Gun Barrel City city limits sign. It was your typical one horse town You had your two red lights that were in their so called downtown area. The Quiktrip seemed to be the place to be on Friday night, and there was a Walmart on the outside of town that was obviously missed when the company decided to remodel all of their fucking stores. In the distance I saw my destination.
Brody Farm and Pork Products
The infamous Brody pig farm, a Gun Barrel City staple for over 50 years. How did I know about this place? Well my first ever graduate was the oldest son of the family Braden Brody. He was a good kid, hard working, passionate about pro wrestling. I enjoyed teaching him the ropes on how to get into the business. I also enjoyed beating the living shit out of him to see if he as tough enough to be in this business, obviously he passed.
His first promotion he joined after his graduation was HSW in Hawaii. The same HSW Poon Yoon was a member of, and unlike needle dick sitting next to me, thankfully not smelling like pee or feces, he actually paid attention nd studied his opponents. So he knew exactly what Poon Yoon was all about.
We pulled up to the front of the house and got out of the SUV.
Chris Styles: What kind of place is this??
Al Envy: Look around numb nuts. Its a fucking farm. Don’t you see the hundreds of pig pens surrounding you?? They raise hogs and have them slaughtered to make pork products. And act accordingly ok? These are some good people and I don’t want you to fucking embarrass me
Chris Styles: You know man!! You have been a real dick to me ever since we got on the fucking plane. I thought hangin with ya again would be a party like it was before dude!! What in the fudge is wrong with ya??
I ignored Chris and wiped the sweat from my brow. It was cold out here, but I was sweating like it was the middle of the Texas summer. I had been a dick pretty much the entire trip. Maybe I needed to apologize.
Al Envy: Look man I am sorr…….
Chris Styles: HOLY...MOTHER…...OF.CHRIST…..JESUS…..FUCK!!
Chris had his attention locked onto something behind me. I turned around and saw what he was focused on. And it was something that could take your breath away.
Charlene Brody.
The drop dead gorgeous sister of Braden was walking towards us in tight blue jeans and a khaki button down shirt. Her bra barely contained her almost perfect rack. He long flowing blonde hair flowed with the brisk wind tht was blowing. Her eyes were locked onto me like a cougar locked onto its prey. And the Cheetah had his eyes locked onto her like she was ging to be his prey. Yeah right…..
Chris Styles: Oh my God I am so hard right now. I am 3 inches I swear Al. And I have never been 3 inches in my life…...You got to hook em up with that shit.
Charlene reached us and wrapped her arms around me and passionately gave me one of the deepest kisses I have ever received. Apparently she remember a couple of nights when I had Braden training his fucking ass off while I tore her ass up in my office in the back with my and over her mouth trying to keep her quiet.
Charlene Brody: Gawd I have missed ya!!
I pushed Charlene away and composed myself.
Al Envy: Hi Charlene. Is Braden around??
Charlene Brody: Mmm Hmmm
She started to rub her hand towards my you know what. Once again I kind of pushed her away.
Al Envy: Can you let me know where he is?? I am sorry I am kind of on a limited time frame.
Charlene smiled incredibly sexy at me. It was taking every ounce of strength for me not to take her ass into the SUV and get that bitch rocking violently. But I kind of had something I was working on with Dixie Clement. I could feel Chris trembling next to me.
Al Envy: Where are my manners. This is my friend Chris.
Charlene totally ignored the Cheetah. Not the first time a woman ignored him.
Al Envy: Can you show me where your brother is at??
Charlene Brody: He is behind that barn ova dere slaughterin some hogs fer some sausage.
Al Envy: Thanks sweetie.
Charlene Brody: Anythin fer you baby.
Chris followed me to where Braden was. He almost passed out as he accidentally brushed past Charlene.
Chris Styles: Grief I have to fuck her. I have to unleash my dragon.
Al Envy: Your dragon hasn't spit any fire in a long time. Now shut up and lets get this over with.
Finally we reached where Braden was. He looked up from slitting a 400 pound hogs throat and smiled at me.
Braden Brody: Hey dere mentor!! Good to see ya Al!!
Braden walked over to me and one of the hogs followed him. Chris Styles kind of backed up as the hog got right in front of him but didn't pay no mind as me and Braden began our conversation.
Al Envy: So how has the business been??
Braden Brody: Well Paw and Maw are on a business trip. Brother Rufus is doing god knows what somewhere, and well Charlene is still a waitin fer her big break in Nashville. If she culd actually fuckin sang she culd make it. Oh hey dere buddy ya might wanna watch that hog dere. She luvs goin fer the nuts.
At that moment the hog started nibbling at Chris’ shit!!
Chris Styles: God dammit!!! What the fuck is wrong with this...AAAAHHH SSTTOOPP!!
Chris runs around as the hog chases him. Me and Brody ignore Chris’ pleads of help.
Al Envy: I came here to ask you about HSW and a certain wrestler named Kaepuna Yoon??
Braden Brody: Oh yeah….I remember him. Luchador type I think he was a native. He was pretty close with the owner Osiris actually.
Braden went back to butchering the hog he just killed. Chris had found a box to jump on to avoid the ball hogging hog.
Al Envy: So how was he as a competitor?? I have to defend my title against him. Not sure how this son of a bitch deserves a fucking title shot after he lost a match but it is what it is. I just need a little info on him that's all. Thats why I came to you.
Braden continued butchering the hog. He was now taking all of the guts and organs out and he didn't even bat an eyelash. It kind of made you a little sick seeing the sure sadistic behavior that it takes in prepping a hog. The sound of cracking ribs and the squishy sound it makes when you shove your hands into the carcass. Yep folks that's where sausage, and bacon comes from. Pretty disgusting huh?? But God ol mighty is it delicious!!
Braden Brody: He kind of kept to himself. He always had this dude and this good looking girl with him. As far as inside the ring he can go though. If I were you old man I would not take him lightly.
Braden laughed as he was obviously kidding. Yet in my current state I took offense to it.
Al Envy: Who are you fucking calling old you son of a bitch?? This old man can stretch your fucking ass right here right now and you would sit there afterwards crying asking please sir may I have another mother fucker!!
I walked closer and knocked all of the shit he had on the butchers table onto the ground. The guts and organs he had prepped and most of the carcass slammed into the ground
Al Envy: Try me pig boy!! I will kick your fucking ass. Then I will go kick Poon Yoon’s fucking ass too. I will show you what an old man is bitch!!
Braden Brody just stared at me. Finally I realized what I was doing and kind of shook it off.
Braden Brody: Mentor, I was a kiddin man What's wrong with ya??
Al Envy: I am sorry……..I need to go. Thanks for the talk buddy. Hey man if you want t get into NEW just let me know. I know the owner pretty good. Can get you a tryout.
Braden Brody: Naw man. I need to stick around here on da ferm. Pop is starting to get ill. But I am hopin to get into some local promotins here in Texas.
Al Envy: Good luck man…. and sorry for…...yeah. Lets go Chris.
Chris Styles: I am not going fucking anywhere until this fucking pig goes away. I am rather proud of my enormous junk and how am I going to fuck Charlene with it pig bitten.
Braden Brody: WHAT IN THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY BOY??
Chris fucked up. Braden was very protective of his little sister. He started walking towards Chris butcher knife in hand. Chris with the speed of a Cheetah. He ran to the SUV and locked himself in. I looked at Braden and he backed away. We nodded at each other and I walked back to the SUV. Charlene stared at me and blew me a kiss. I just now realized that I was starting to shake and the sweat was once again pouring off of me.
Getting into the SUV I sat there a minute. Chris was spazzing out.
Chris Styles: Holy fuck what is wrong with Texas people!!
Turning to Chris he realized that he said something out of line considering I was a proud Texan. I didn’t respond. Now I as starting to get dizzy but shook it off.
Chris Styles: How long have you had your last dose??
I quickly turned to Chris. How in the fuck did he know, oh wait of course the resident druggie of NEW would know.
Chris Styles: Moody, shaking, sweating, looking dizzy. Yeah bro you're withdrawing. What have you been on? Don’t worry I won’t tell Jesse.
I was hesitant in telling the loud mouthed Cheetah about my current situation. Finally I broke down and told him. He immediately reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle of hydrocodone and fucking soma. Holy shit??
Chris Styles: Take them dude. Just don’t take the damn Somas until we get back on the plane. I don’t feel like getting killed in Texas on their roads yo.
I snatched the pills from him like a kid who hadn't had a piece of candy in years. I quickly downed 4 pain pills and swallowed them. I didn't even have a bottle of fucking water to wash them down. I sat there a minute knowing that these things didn't work that quick but somehow I started feeling better.
Al Envy: Thanks man…...I appreciated that. When I get some more I will replace them for you.
Chris Styles: Don’t fucking worry bout it boo. I have sources. Hell I can get you anything you want actually.
Al Envy: Please don’t call me boo…..
Chris Styles: So where are we off too now??
Somehow I felt like taking a weekend vacation. So there was no better place to visit than….
Al Envy: You feel like going to Hawaii??
Chris Styles: Hell yeah dawg. I could lay one of those hot fucking lay girls. Oh and I know someone there that can hook you up with your um problem you have.
Al Envy: Its not a fucking problem. Its something I need OK?
Chris Styles didn't respond. He knew what I was going through because well he was known to have drug problems. But mine isn't a fucking drug problem. I need to ease the pain, and get some sleep. I was too strong to get addicted to something. Withdrawal my ass. Before we left town I stopped at the Quiktrip and grabbed me a case of beer. I needed something to wet my whistle. $16.99 and a pack of cigs later we were off back to Fort Worth to catch the private plane.
It was Hawaii Five-O time.
Because you can bet your ass Ricky Cassels absolutely loved it. He just doesn’t realize it because he is still in stable condition at the local county hospital. I am pretty sure that that entire emergency room can be pretty much named the NEW wing. Lets assume the number shall we??
Dravaka Drimstone: Dead on Arrival
Bradley James: Critical Condition
Valora Salinas: Poison Exposure from Blair’s tramp juice. (Seriously I bet that fucking stung)
Hunter Valentyne: Testicular Damage (But he was released because you would have to have a set first to get them injured.)
Yet the thing is I am sure that Ricky Cassels will recover from his physical abuse he took at Ignite 200. But you see it wasn’t the plan this entire time to physically ruin Ricky Cassels. It was to bury his redneck ass mentally. And at Ignite 200 by God the final blow was delivered to Ricky.
You trusted Jesse Styles didn’t you? You actually thought he was a friend to you that looked out for our best interest. I mean hell he gave you the TA title once didn’t he? Nothing says friendship like a guy handing you a belt that you didn’t deserve.
The thing is kid you were considered in high regard to the owner of New Edg Wrestling. You were loyal, trustworthy, and as fucking dependable as anyone in this company. You were the last guy that would screw him over in his mind. You would expect someone like Johnny Stylez or Ryan Pugh, or XXX, hell a laundry list of people to get that one blow on Jesse Styles. But it came from someone he actually respected. So before you say Jesse Styles and Al Envy screwed you Ricky Cassels, it was you that screwed him. Oh and myself too.
The worst thing you could possibly do asshole is cost Jesse Styles money, and when your little, sorry fat fuck girlfriend decided to be one of those that sued him and you knew she did it and got damn thought it was fine it was like you took a knife and stabbed it straight in his back. And do you want to know why you screwed me little man?? You took my title, my TA title I fucking dug out of the grave because of people like Blair Buchannan tainting it and accepted it like you fucking earned it after I lost it to Scarlet Styles.
Thats what this whole thing is all about boy. Its about someone like you fucking disrespecting me and Jesse Styles. A pile of redneck shit like you don’t have the right to disrespect two guys like us. Two guys that made their name in this business and has done it all. Unlike you who had your only major title fucking handed to you. So get ready sir. Because if you think your life sucks right now? You will want to kill yourself by the time we finish this.
So the unholy union is complete. Jesse Styles and myself have finally revealed our association. The beautiful thing is that each and every one of you sstttuuupppiiiidddd mother fuckers really believed we were at each other’s throats. You bought into the Twitter war. You bought it when I bought Club Rain, of course it was burned down and I got three times what it was worth due to insurance which I gladly gave to my friend Jesse because well he was in it all along. You see yeah he lost a lot of money. But the mother fucker is still pretty damn wealthy.
And that is why we are about to head off to Hawaii. It was time for a celebration and to give us a couple days of relaxation. It was also a way for me to get to know what the hell Kaupena Yoon is all about, the man that is challenging me for my Trans-Atlantic title in the main event of Ignite 201. So what the fuck man? You lose a Battle of Chicago match and somehow you're awarded a TA title shot against mother fucking Al Envy?? Well kid if you consider that a prize then good for you.
As a matter of fact. Kaupena Yoon is too much for me to say. I am a red blooded American and only pronounce American names. So from here on out I am going to call you Poon Yoon. At least I pronounce your last name, and since I think you are a vagina until you prove me otherwise Poon fits. So Poon Yoon what is your deal man?? Who in the hell is this mighty Poon who thinks he is going to take NEW by storm by making his name off one of the cornerstones of this company was built on??
And where in the hell did you come from?? Where did you supposedly make your name from to even be offered a spot in the NEW?? From what I heard you were a part of some failed wrestling company in Hawaii. You from what I have heard because I don’t really pay attention to n00bs unless they challenge me is banking you name on some shit dump called HSW. I don’t even know what in the fuck HSW was, that is until I remember that a certain someone actually wrestled there.
Chris Styles: AWWW SSNNAAPP!!! Envy and Styles rides again bitches. The Cheetah and the Show Stealah!!! See I managed to fucking rhyme that shit right Al? Pretty cool huh?
The private jet couldn't get any smaller as Chris Styles had been getting on my fucking nerves ever since w left Chicago. I wanted Jesse to come with me but since we had finally showed the world that this whole thing was a giant fuck you with me and him he had to stay back and get back to business. He had a lot more names on the list that had fucked him over and he had plans for each and every single one of them. Starting with Matthew Carter.
Chris Styles: So where in the hell are we going man? Vegas to party?? Back to your place to get drunk?? Maybe I can get me a bitch to lick my pole. Wait maybe this stewardess wants to.
The attractive stewardess turned and looked at disdain at Chris Styles.
Chris Styles: Come on baby. This is my brother;s plane. You want to move up I can give you the good word. Just use that tongue to submit your resume directly to my OOWWW!!!
Smacking the back of his head I got Chris’ attention.
Chris Styles: Hey man wtf dammit!!! W….T….fucking F!!
I raised my hand to slap him again but he jerked back and stared at me.
Al Envy: This is about business. You were in HSW right??
Chris Styles: HSW what in the fuck is that??
Al Envy: Got dammit the wrestling company that was in Hawaii that was opened for a hot second!! You were there right??
Chris Styles: Yeah I was there OK?? But I don’t remember shit because like you said that place lasted about as long as a stable does with Hunter Valentyne in it. As in not very fucking long my brotha.
Al Envy: Shut the fuck up alright!!
Chris Styles kind of stares at me. I give him a dirty look then go back to staring out my window. I keep looking at my cell phone waiting for the call that I had been waiting for since I left Chicago. I had ran out of my medicine. Not very many people knew I took pain killers. When you have done this shit as long as I have your body starts having those aches and pains. On top of that I haven’t slept worth a fuck either. So I was also taking Somas to help myself sleep. And also using them both to get the edge off a little when I needed it.
Chris didn't know I used these pills, and Jesse didn't either. And even though Dixie had been around me quit a bit recently I had hid them from her too. I didn't need assholes that were jealous of me use the medicine taking to get to me. So it was my little secret.
Well the night before Ignite 200 I took my last 3 hydrocodones and my last somas. It had been 48 hours since my dose and I was starting to feel the affects of them not being in my system. I called my doctor in Texas who was very lenient with me on getting my scripts because well I paid a few thousand extra to him to get them to me. I had been waiting for the phone call for quite a while now. Seemed like fucking forever.
As far as where we are going we were about to land in Texas at Meacham Field in my hometown of Fort Worth, Texas. From there I had a rental that was going to take us to Gun Barrel City so I could visit one of my first graduated students from my wrestling academy at his farm there. He also wrestled in HSW and could probably know more about ol Poon Yoon. I knew fucking Chris wouldn't remember shit about HSW because well its Chris fucking Styles. He has to be reminded to wipe his ass after he shits. And from the smell of him someone forgot to advise him again.
The private jet landed on the airstrip at Meacham. The ladder hit the door and myself and the Cheetah stepped out and got a whip of the cold Texas air. Ice was accumulating on the roads but that couldn’t stop us. Gun Barrel City was about three hours away from the airport It was around 4 pm central and we would get there by at least 7:30. Then another three hours back here through treacherous conditions. That was way too much time for me to be in the same vehicle with Chris Styles. Way too much fucking time!!
Suddenly my phone rings, and like a kid waiting for his father to talk to him for their weekly chat because dad was never home, just like when I was a child, I answered it.
“Mr. Webster”
It was my doctor. About fucking time.
Al Envy: So did you get my scripts called in Doc. I am hurting like a bitch now. And I haven’t slept at all recently. You got my pharmacy’s number right??
As far as the pharmacy went I had a private one i slipped a little extra cash too as well. No matter how many prescriptions I had called in ol Samip my pharmacist filled those bitches stat.
Doctor: Uh yes I did Alan. I can’t refill them for you. I have filled you three times for 120 pills each time. No matter how much extra you give me in cash I get reviewed for this by the board. I can’t lose my practice for one patient.
My nerves just exploded hearing this news. The pain whether it was getting worse or I was just thinking it was did get worse.
Al Envy: Then fucking get me another doctor that can. Got dammit I need my medicine asshole!! Come the fuck on dude I need my shit.
The silence on the end just killed me.
Doctor: Maybe you should just consider a career change Alan. Obviously if you are in this much pain you need to consider it.
Al Envy: Oh fuck the hell off. You fired mother fucker!!
I ended the call and felt like bouncing this ot damn phone off the side of the plane. Chris Styles ignored what was going on as he once again tried to hook up with the stewardess.
Chris Styles: Come on baby ride with us. You not only could get a injection of the Cheetah juice but you might get it from that man right there. And believe you me sweet cheeks he is packing like a fucking. GOT DAMMIT!!!
I basically pulled Chris by the ear and threw a couple hundred at the lady. I told her to sit tight and get herself war and something to eat and I pulled him towards the SUV I had rented before we landed I threw Chris towards the passenger side. I quickly walked to the drivers side and signed the paperwork the attendant had who was waiting for me and brushed him off. Getting in the SUV I slammed the door and gritted my teeth.
Chris Styles: Dude….what the fuck man. You cock blocked me twice bro that ain’t cool yo! What is your problem man!
I looked at Chris and smiled at him.
Al Envy: I swear to God. If you talk one fucking time on the way there. I will leave you on the side of the road in East Texas. And there are pretty dangerous animals there.You couldn’t fucking survive and believe you me Jesse wouldn’t give two shits if you didn’t come back with me.
Chris Styles huffed and puffed
Chris Styles: Well...how will you know when I need to go to the bathroom??
Al Envy: Go on yourself, and pray to God it doesn’t stink.
Chris Styles smiled proudly.
Chris Styles: Wouldn't be the first time Al!! I got this shit yo!!
Placing the SUV in gear I give Chris on last warning look. He ran his finger across his lip and closed his eyes. I headed the vehicle east and off we went.
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Gun Barrel City, Texas
The icy roads were so rough that we had to stay at a cheap motel a little past Dallas. That bed made my got damn back hurt even wose. I guess I would have slept in the floor but I was pretty sure there was a rat the size of a cat that scurried across it on a nightly basis. So it was the perfect place for Chris to sleep.
Chris Styles: Man that was weird last night. I kept feeling something touching my leg and crawling up towards my junk. I thought maybe that hot bitch at the reception desk was coming in to get a little action.
Al Envy: Jesus Christ dude. It was a guy.
Chris Styles: No it was a chick. Didn't you hear the voice??
Al Envy: Ok whatever man. I don’t feel like dealing with your ass today. I just want to get to the farm and talk to Braden.
My nerves were gone, and my pain was in full fucking blast. I passed a couple of emergency rooms as we drove deeper into East Texas. I passed a couple of emergency rooms and was damn tempted to go to them and get me some pain pills. Yet how would it look to the wrestling world that Al Envy went to an emergency room in East Texas. That shit would blow up in media quicker than the way Ricky Cassels body went limp after that off the top rope pile driver I gave his sorry ass.
Finally we hit the Gun Barrel City city limits sign. It was your typical one horse town You had your two red lights that were in their so called downtown area. The Quiktrip seemed to be the place to be on Friday night, and there was a Walmart on the outside of town that was obviously missed when the company decided to remodel all of their fucking stores. In the distance I saw my destination.
Brody Farm and Pork Products
The infamous Brody pig farm, a Gun Barrel City staple for over 50 years. How did I know about this place? Well my first ever graduate was the oldest son of the family Braden Brody. He was a good kid, hard working, passionate about pro wrestling. I enjoyed teaching him the ropes on how to get into the business. I also enjoyed beating the living shit out of him to see if he as tough enough to be in this business, obviously he passed.
His first promotion he joined after his graduation was HSW in Hawaii. The same HSW Poon Yoon was a member of, and unlike needle dick sitting next to me, thankfully not smelling like pee or feces, he actually paid attention nd studied his opponents. So he knew exactly what Poon Yoon was all about.
We pulled up to the front of the house and got out of the SUV.
Chris Styles: What kind of place is this??
Al Envy: Look around numb nuts. Its a fucking farm. Don’t you see the hundreds of pig pens surrounding you?? They raise hogs and have them slaughtered to make pork products. And act accordingly ok? These are some good people and I don’t want you to fucking embarrass me
Chris Styles: You know man!! You have been a real dick to me ever since we got on the fucking plane. I thought hangin with ya again would be a party like it was before dude!! What in the fudge is wrong with ya??
I ignored Chris and wiped the sweat from my brow. It was cold out here, but I was sweating like it was the middle of the Texas summer. I had been a dick pretty much the entire trip. Maybe I needed to apologize.
Al Envy: Look man I am sorr…….
Chris Styles: HOLY...MOTHER…...OF.CHRIST…..JESUS…..FUCK!!
Chris had his attention locked onto something behind me. I turned around and saw what he was focused on. And it was something that could take your breath away.
Charlene Brody.
The drop dead gorgeous sister of Braden was walking towards us in tight blue jeans and a khaki button down shirt. Her bra barely contained her almost perfect rack. He long flowing blonde hair flowed with the brisk wind tht was blowing. Her eyes were locked onto me like a cougar locked onto its prey. And the Cheetah had his eyes locked onto her like she was ging to be his prey. Yeah right…..
Chris Styles: Oh my God I am so hard right now. I am 3 inches I swear Al. And I have never been 3 inches in my life…...You got to hook em up with that shit.
Charlene reached us and wrapped her arms around me and passionately gave me one of the deepest kisses I have ever received. Apparently she remember a couple of nights when I had Braden training his fucking ass off while I tore her ass up in my office in the back with my and over her mouth trying to keep her quiet.
Charlene Brody: Gawd I have missed ya!!
I pushed Charlene away and composed myself.
Al Envy: Hi Charlene. Is Braden around??
Charlene Brody: Mmm Hmmm
She started to rub her hand towards my you know what. Once again I kind of pushed her away.
Al Envy: Can you let me know where he is?? I am sorry I am kind of on a limited time frame.
Charlene smiled incredibly sexy at me. It was taking every ounce of strength for me not to take her ass into the SUV and get that bitch rocking violently. But I kind of had something I was working on with Dixie Clement. I could feel Chris trembling next to me.
Al Envy: Where are my manners. This is my friend Chris.
Charlene totally ignored the Cheetah. Not the first time a woman ignored him.
Al Envy: Can you show me where your brother is at??
Charlene Brody: He is behind that barn ova dere slaughterin some hogs fer some sausage.
Al Envy: Thanks sweetie.
Charlene Brody: Anythin fer you baby.
Chris followed me to where Braden was. He almost passed out as he accidentally brushed past Charlene.
Chris Styles: Grief I have to fuck her. I have to unleash my dragon.
Al Envy: Your dragon hasn't spit any fire in a long time. Now shut up and lets get this over with.
Finally we reached where Braden was. He looked up from slitting a 400 pound hogs throat and smiled at me.
Braden Brody: Hey dere mentor!! Good to see ya Al!!
Braden walked over to me and one of the hogs followed him. Chris Styles kind of backed up as the hog got right in front of him but didn't pay no mind as me and Braden began our conversation.
Al Envy: So how has the business been??
Braden Brody: Well Paw and Maw are on a business trip. Brother Rufus is doing god knows what somewhere, and well Charlene is still a waitin fer her big break in Nashville. If she culd actually fuckin sang she culd make it. Oh hey dere buddy ya might wanna watch that hog dere. She luvs goin fer the nuts.
At that moment the hog started nibbling at Chris’ shit!!
Chris Styles: God dammit!!! What the fuck is wrong with this...AAAAHHH SSTTOOPP!!
Chris runs around as the hog chases him. Me and Brody ignore Chris’ pleads of help.
Al Envy: I came here to ask you about HSW and a certain wrestler named Kaepuna Yoon??
Braden Brody: Oh yeah….I remember him. Luchador type I think he was a native. He was pretty close with the owner Osiris actually.
Braden went back to butchering the hog he just killed. Chris had found a box to jump on to avoid the ball hogging hog.
Al Envy: So how was he as a competitor?? I have to defend my title against him. Not sure how this son of a bitch deserves a fucking title shot after he lost a match but it is what it is. I just need a little info on him that's all. Thats why I came to you.
Braden continued butchering the hog. He was now taking all of the guts and organs out and he didn't even bat an eyelash. It kind of made you a little sick seeing the sure sadistic behavior that it takes in prepping a hog. The sound of cracking ribs and the squishy sound it makes when you shove your hands into the carcass. Yep folks that's where sausage, and bacon comes from. Pretty disgusting huh?? But God ol mighty is it delicious!!
Braden Brody: He kind of kept to himself. He always had this dude and this good looking girl with him. As far as inside the ring he can go though. If I were you old man I would not take him lightly.
Braden laughed as he was obviously kidding. Yet in my current state I took offense to it.
Al Envy: Who are you fucking calling old you son of a bitch?? This old man can stretch your fucking ass right here right now and you would sit there afterwards crying asking please sir may I have another mother fucker!!
I walked closer and knocked all of the shit he had on the butchers table onto the ground. The guts and organs he had prepped and most of the carcass slammed into the ground
Al Envy: Try me pig boy!! I will kick your fucking ass. Then I will go kick Poon Yoon’s fucking ass too. I will show you what an old man is bitch!!
Braden Brody just stared at me. Finally I realized what I was doing and kind of shook it off.
Braden Brody: Mentor, I was a kiddin man What's wrong with ya??
Al Envy: I am sorry……..I need to go. Thanks for the talk buddy. Hey man if you want t get into NEW just let me know. I know the owner pretty good. Can get you a tryout.
Braden Brody: Naw man. I need to stick around here on da ferm. Pop is starting to get ill. But I am hopin to get into some local promotins here in Texas.
Al Envy: Good luck man…. and sorry for…...yeah. Lets go Chris.
Chris Styles: I am not going fucking anywhere until this fucking pig goes away. I am rather proud of my enormous junk and how am I going to fuck Charlene with it pig bitten.
Braden Brody: WHAT IN THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY BOY??
Chris fucked up. Braden was very protective of his little sister. He started walking towards Chris butcher knife in hand. Chris with the speed of a Cheetah. He ran to the SUV and locked himself in. I looked at Braden and he backed away. We nodded at each other and I walked back to the SUV. Charlene stared at me and blew me a kiss. I just now realized that I was starting to shake and the sweat was once again pouring off of me.
Getting into the SUV I sat there a minute. Chris was spazzing out.
Chris Styles: Holy fuck what is wrong with Texas people!!
Turning to Chris he realized that he said something out of line considering I was a proud Texan. I didn’t respond. Now I as starting to get dizzy but shook it off.
Chris Styles: How long have you had your last dose??
I quickly turned to Chris. How in the fuck did he know, oh wait of course the resident druggie of NEW would know.
Chris Styles: Moody, shaking, sweating, looking dizzy. Yeah bro you're withdrawing. What have you been on? Don’t worry I won’t tell Jesse.
I was hesitant in telling the loud mouthed Cheetah about my current situation. Finally I broke down and told him. He immediately reached into his bag and pulled out a bottle of hydrocodone and fucking soma. Holy shit??
Chris Styles: Take them dude. Just don’t take the damn Somas until we get back on the plane. I don’t feel like getting killed in Texas on their roads yo.
I snatched the pills from him like a kid who hadn't had a piece of candy in years. I quickly downed 4 pain pills and swallowed them. I didn't even have a bottle of fucking water to wash them down. I sat there a minute knowing that these things didn't work that quick but somehow I started feeling better.
Al Envy: Thanks man…...I appreciated that. When I get some more I will replace them for you.
Chris Styles: Don’t fucking worry bout it boo. I have sources. Hell I can get you anything you want actually.
Al Envy: Please don’t call me boo…..
Chris Styles: So where are we off too now??
Somehow I felt like taking a weekend vacation. So there was no better place to visit than….
Al Envy: You feel like going to Hawaii??
Chris Styles: Hell yeah dawg. I could lay one of those hot fucking lay girls. Oh and I know someone there that can hook you up with your um problem you have.
Al Envy: Its not a fucking problem. Its something I need OK?
Chris Styles didn't respond. He knew what I was going through because well he was known to have drug problems. But mine isn't a fucking drug problem. I need to ease the pain, and get some sleep. I was too strong to get addicted to something. Withdrawal my ass. Before we left town I stopped at the Quiktrip and grabbed me a case of beer. I needed something to wet my whistle. $16.99 and a pack of cigs later we were off back to Fort Worth to catch the private plane.
It was Hawaii Five-O time.