Post by Alan Envy on Mar 7, 2015 10:47:12 GMT -6
That’s how daddy likes it baby…..”
Her figure had been kissed by the Hawaiian sun to the point that she was almost bronze in appearance. Her lips were plump and were curved into a combination of a sly but anticipated smile. She was walking up to me slowly, you know like those scenes in the movie where its seems like time is slowly going by. I sat there in the chair sitting on the Beach of the Big Island waiting for this bronzed Hawaiian goddess to finally reach me so I could glide my hand down her damn near perfect body. Finally she was near me. I leaned in to her and touched her face gently. My hand caressed her body as I ran my finger all the way down to her special place………
“AL WHAT IN THE FUCK BRAH!!!!”
The scene had changed. The open Hawaiian beach scene had now been replaced by cold, gray brick walls. That brilliant sun that was hanging high over the ocean was now hidden behind cold black iron bars. Turning around I see the silver scene of cell bars. I was sitting in jail. Turning back around I realized that I was standing in front of Chris Styles who was lying on the bottom bunk with a crazed look in his eyes. Wanna know why?? Because for some reason that I really don’t understand at this present situation I had the Cheetah’s cock between two of my fingers.
I backed away and started shaking my hand like I had ticks latched on and was trying to shake them off. Then I ran to the sink and feverishly tried to get the fucking water going then realized that it didn’t work and besides there was no fucking soap.Backing into the wall trying to access the situation I started rubbing that hand so fucking hard on my pants I could have started a fir on them.
Al Envy: What in the name of Aikman is going on here??
Chris, looking uncomfortable in this situation as well stood up and shoved his unimpressive there inches back into his pants. He sat up on the bottom bunk as I ran over to the bars to per out. I could see two officers sitting at a desk looking at me with their phones in their hands. Obviously these fucks were tweeting me sitting in their jail cell or something. Fucking spares.
Turning back to Chris he realized that his partner in this Hawaiian adventure that I planned was seeking fucking answers. Even though I didn’t know what in the hell was going on I knew this was not a good thing. Ignite 201 was rapidly approaching and I had to get back to Chicago. A brash, arrogant, and a basic nobody named Kaupena Yoon was from what I heard through reliable sources talking mad shit about how it was time for guys like myself, Roger Wright, and Hunter Valentyne to hang up our boots and pass the torch to unproven twats like him and Valora Salinas. Hell he was even basically guaranteeing victory over me. Yeah I know crazy right??
After staring at Chris to try and get answers he finally realized it was time to finally explain to me why myself and him were sitting in a county cell.
Chris Styles: I guess you want to know why we are sitting in here huh brah?
Al Envy: Dude, yeah thats a fucking Einstein observation if I have ever heard one. And what in the fuck is up with you saying brah??
Chris Styles: Brah!! We are in the islands man. Embrace the culture ya know my brother.
Al Envy: Stop with the fucking Dog the Bounty Hunter shit and tell me whats going on.
Chris motioned for me to sit down. I obliged and took my seat. It was then I realized that my head was starting to fucking kill me.
Chris Styles: Well dude. Here is what happened.
We landed at the private airfield on the Big Island right? So anyways the door opens and that fucking sun kissed my Cheetah body. It felt soo fucking good. Then I noticed that some hula bitches were waiting for us looking fine as fuck brah.
Al Envy: Stop with the brah shit……..
Anyways….we had had a little bit of a good time on the 4 hour flight from that weird as fuck state you live in. God damn pig……..and you had mixed a pretty good amount of booze and pills right brah. So seriously bro you were stumbling around like a fucking old man right. Shit son it took me forever to wake your ass up right? So finally you get down the steps and one of the hula girls was going to lay you. In typical greatness of Al Envy fashion you lay a huge kiss on her and whip out your dick!!
Chris started laughing uncontrollably as I just stared at him. Realizing that I didn’t find that amusing he continued explaining everything to me.
So anyways until you passed out on the flight you kept cock blocking me from one of those fine ass stewardesses because you kept wanting to know about my dealer in Hawaii because you wanted to score more pills and beef up your supply so you wouldn’t rely on the doctor to get them for you. Ya know being discreet and all that jazz. So being the reliable source I am I get a hold of that contact. We get in the car after I sweet talked a hula bitch into wanting a piece of the Cheetah. After 2 hours of the best sex she ever had……
Al Envy: Oh stop fucking lying god damn...Everything just came back to me. She slapped the fuck out of you and you got into the damn car crying.
Everything had come back to me. Chris realizing I caught him lying as usual sat back on the bed and lied down. I walked over by the iron bars and attempted to feel that glorious Hawaiian sun coming through those cold bars. The events of what happened started playing through my mind.
============================================================================================================
Chris Styles: Yeah man its right up there. You see that strip club?
Al Envy: Now is not the time to fucking see strippers. I want to get this shit and get back to the plane asshat.
We pulled into the shady looking parking lot and got out of the car. Looking at the run down looking club I started to doubt whether we had the right place.
Al Envy: Are you sure this is the place.
Chris Styles: This is where he told us to meet him. Said he owned the place.Kind of looks familiar too.
Taking the lead I looked around to see if anyone was watching us. The street was as quiet as a mouse and not a fucking soul could be found. Reaching the front door I noticed a run down looking sign up on the brick wall next to the entrance. I walked over to it and looked straight into the eyes of my opponent this week.
It was an HSW promo advertising the debut of Hawaii's newest wrestling superstar Kaupena Yoon. He was being billed as the next great star from Hawaii. In the background advertising the lower card matches you could see a coked up Chris Styles as well.
Al Envy: Hey numb nuts you want to know why this place looks familiar??
Chris joined me at the poster. He squinted his eyes and jerked back excited.
Chris Styles: Holy shit thats me!!!
Giving him a few more minutes he finally wrapped his brain around the situation.
Chris Styles: Oh thats right. This is the old HSW arena or whatever
Al Envy: Good job buddy.
Shaking y head we enter into the strip club/wrestling hall. Hearing some shuffling we turn around and a man approaches us.
“You are the guys here for the stuff.”
Al Envy: Well it depends. What kind of stuff do you have?
The man finally entered into the light. He looked familiar. This guy was on that poster too. He was an older man but relatively handsome with long black hair.He took the lead and we followed him into the hall behind the stripper stage. A worn down wrestling ring was sitting in the middle as trash and knocked over chairs scattered the floor surrounding it.
Chris Styles: Holy shit...Jimmy Osiris???
The man turned around and looked at Chris. The Cheetah started slapping me on the shoulder jumping up and down.
Chris Styles: Holy shit man!!! Al this is the brah that owned HSW!!! Dude you're selling drugs now??
Jimmy didn’t look too pleased that he was recognized. He sat down at a desk and reached into the drawer. He pulled out a fucking sack full of pills, Somas and Norcos...seemingly a thousand of each it looked like.
Chris Styles: Holy shit…..
Jimmy finally decided to talk.
Jimmy Osiris: Look I am not a dealer ok? I am just trying to get some funds so I can get my club back up, maybe start my promotion again. I work for the Big Kahuna,
Al Envy: Who is the Big Kahuna?
Chris Styles: Thats my guy here. Biggest and best dealer in the islands.
Jimmy Osiris: Apparently he is a big fan of yours Mr. Envy. Says he is selling these to you at pharmacy price instead of street. So its going to save you a few grand.
Al Envy: Well tell your boss I appreciate it.
Just as I started reaching into my pockets the hall was filled with yelling. Osiris quickly threw the drugs back in the desk and threw his hands up. Now I realized what the yelling was all about.
Hawaii’s finest had entered the building. We were all thrown down on the ground and handcuffed.
============================================================================================================
And that is where we are right now. Turning back I looked at Chris again.
Al Envy: So what is going to happen?
Chris Styles: Well we got our one phone call so I decided to use it. When you were sitting in the cop car you went back into that phased out stage. So I took it.
Al Envy: Who did you call?
Chris Styles: Jesus Al who else would I call. I called fucking Jesse.
Oh Jesus Christ. Now I was not happy.
Al Envy: You fucking called Jesse. Not a got damn lawyer or anything? Seriously are you fucking retarded?
Chris Styles: Hey I panicked OK! You see that dude at the desk?
Walking over to the bars I looked out towards a big detective talking on the phone.
Al Envy: What about him?
Chris Styles: He has been on the phone with my brother for the last hour.
Whether it was the fact I was going into withdrawal again I started to sweat and worry now. By this time I was pretty sure those pictures those pig cops were taking had made their way onto their Twitter accounts and also sent through text messages bragging to their friends they arrested one of the most famous wrestlers in the world. All because of this I was going to have to forfeit the Trans-Atlantic Championship. That didn’t settle with me too well, the fact that a title I brought back to legitimacy. That belt was now going to some nobody whos claim to fame was wrestling in a dingy strip club for a guy who pushed drugs for a big drug dealer. That’s a pretty pathetic claim to fame isn’t it? And now this motherfucker who didn’t deserve a title shot in the first place was going to win my belt on a technicality, and believe you me that was the only fucking way that bitch was ever going to take the TA title away from me.
I noticed the detective had put the phone down as another one walked in. After what seemed like an eternity they finally finished talking. The detective approached one of those fucker officers and whispered in his ear. The officer walked over, and opened the cell doors. He stood back and myself and Chris walked out looking confused. The detective walked over to us and extended his hand to me. I didn’t take it. He smiled and looked a little irritated.
Detective: I want to apologize to you gentlemen for us arresting you. Apparently it was wrongful.
What did he mean it was wrongful? We were caught trying to illegally buy prescription medication. That bag Osiris threw into his drawer was proof enough to place all of our asses in jail for ten years.
Detective: We can’t hold you guys anymore. No evidence was found at the club indicating that drugs were being sold. A month’s worth of police work and stakeouts fucking wasted. nd as fars as to why you guys were there your boss told us you two were representing him in a business deal to acquire the rights to the wrestling company that operated out of there. So with all that and lack of evidence. You're free to go. Our apologies.
Despite the fact we dodged the biggest bullet you could possibly ever dodge. I was going to work with this to try and further my so called innocence.
Al Envy: Well detective. Believe you me this isn’t over. You will be hearing from my lawyer. Oh and if those officers taking pictures of me with their phones somehow cause those photos to make it into the world through social media or whatever the lawsuit will grow to include them. Defamation of character, especially a character as famous as I am is a pretty big deal. And my lawyers are the best in the world too.
Grabbing our stuff that was confiscated we walk past the group that had gathered. Some looked starstruck and others looked pissed that their biggest accomplishments in their criminal justice career had just gone by the wayside.
Outside a taxi was waiting for us, at the expense of the police department of course, and we get into it. That was when I started wondering how in the hell that huge bag of drugs was missing. How did those stupid fucks not find that incriminating evidence. That was when I noticed Chris shifting a lot in his seat. He unbuttoned his pants and started shifting his hand near his ass.
Al Envy: Um...I know the excitement of me touching your dick is too much for you to contain but can you please stop playing with your……
Chris Styles pulled the huge bag of drugs from his pants. He smiles and looks at me as I look at him in disbelief.
Chris Styles: Dumb mother fuckers never do a cavity search brah.
Al Envy: How….did...you….what??
Chris felt a sense of accomplishment. He was thinking that he just impressed me. And honestly the little shit just did.
Chris Styles: Well I don’t call myself the cheetah for nothing. In the commotion i dashed behind the desk, took the drugs, and shoved them up my ass all before we were thrown down to the ground. Remember I was the last one to be captured don’t you?
He tried handing me the bag.
Al Envy: Dude that was up your ass. Keep them until we get back to the states.
Chris smiled at me and started tossing the bag up and down proud of his accomplishment. I started to think that holy shit he fit that bag up his ass and how he could do that and hide his discomfort, then I realized that well it was Chris Styles. And I immediately stopped thinking about how he could do it because that was just a disturbing thought.
We reach the private jet and once again we board. Lady luck was damn sure on my side. I wa caught buying drugs and got the fuck away with it! And hell I was about to add to my bank account with a lawsuit against the State of Hawaii as well. I felt good as I popped a couple of pills, not the ones from the big bag, and closed my eyes feeling invincible.
The best part was my title was going to be safe. This Poon Yoon motherfucker wasn’t going to win it by a technicality of myself being in prison. This kid had been spewing shit out of his mouth talking bout how Al Envy was past his prime and it was a guarantee that he was going to take my championship away. Honestly, I don’t know how a 34 year old man in tremendous physical conditioning was past his prime but it is what it is. Let me break it down for you little man.
I am Al mother fucking Envy. I am one of the absolute best wrestlers on this planet and am in a league that will take your ass fucking years to reach if you even do. You don’t deserve to even be in the same ring with me, and you sure as fuck don’t deserve to get a TA title shot. Seriously you lose a match and earn a title shot?? No wonder you think you are relevant. Well you aren’t relevant. You come from a piece of shit strip club that decided to try and start a fucking wrestling company that failed miserably, and the last time I checked you were supposedly a top guy there. That is what you represent, and you think you belong in a place like New Edge Wrestling??
Welcome to your 15 minutes of fame Kaupena Yoon, and enjoy it while you can. Because let me tell you what will happen at Ignite 201. You will have your first ever main event, and the only reason is because you are wrestling me, and you will feel a sense of accomplishment. Then reality is going to hit you in your mask that hides your ugly face. You're going to realize that your are in a real wrestling ring. You're going to look around and see thousands of rabid wrestling fans sitting inside a real wrestling arena. You will start sweating through your mask as you get nervous. Then you're going to realize that this isn’t strip club anymore where you actually belong.
Then…….you look across the ring and there I stand And let me remind you of who I am. The Show Stealer, the Trendsetter, pound for pound the best professional wrestler on planet Earth, and the sultan of strong style Al Envy. Then next thing you know you're looking up at the bright lights sucking wind because you got your fucking head knocked off your shoulders. You will leave the ring a failure, proving that you don’t belong in New Edge Wrestling.
Your followers that tag along with you will realize that they are following a loser. You will realize this whole thing is too much for you and go back to Hawaii. You will walk back into that strip club and confront Jimmy Osiris the drug pusher. Then you both will rot into obscurity.
So Kaupena Yoon enjoy your 15 minutes of fame, enjoy the nostalgia of facing a guy like Al Envy, because at the end of Ignite 201 its going to come crashing down all around you.
Say Goodnight…..Brah
Her figure had been kissed by the Hawaiian sun to the point that she was almost bronze in appearance. Her lips were plump and were curved into a combination of a sly but anticipated smile. She was walking up to me slowly, you know like those scenes in the movie where its seems like time is slowly going by. I sat there in the chair sitting on the Beach of the Big Island waiting for this bronzed Hawaiian goddess to finally reach me so I could glide my hand down her damn near perfect body. Finally she was near me. I leaned in to her and touched her face gently. My hand caressed her body as I ran my finger all the way down to her special place………
“AL WHAT IN THE FUCK BRAH!!!!”
The scene had changed. The open Hawaiian beach scene had now been replaced by cold, gray brick walls. That brilliant sun that was hanging high over the ocean was now hidden behind cold black iron bars. Turning around I see the silver scene of cell bars. I was sitting in jail. Turning back around I realized that I was standing in front of Chris Styles who was lying on the bottom bunk with a crazed look in his eyes. Wanna know why?? Because for some reason that I really don’t understand at this present situation I had the Cheetah’s cock between two of my fingers.
I backed away and started shaking my hand like I had ticks latched on and was trying to shake them off. Then I ran to the sink and feverishly tried to get the fucking water going then realized that it didn’t work and besides there was no fucking soap.Backing into the wall trying to access the situation I started rubbing that hand so fucking hard on my pants I could have started a fir on them.
Al Envy: What in the name of Aikman is going on here??
Chris, looking uncomfortable in this situation as well stood up and shoved his unimpressive there inches back into his pants. He sat up on the bottom bunk as I ran over to the bars to per out. I could see two officers sitting at a desk looking at me with their phones in their hands. Obviously these fucks were tweeting me sitting in their jail cell or something. Fucking spares.
Turning back to Chris he realized that his partner in this Hawaiian adventure that I planned was seeking fucking answers. Even though I didn’t know what in the hell was going on I knew this was not a good thing. Ignite 201 was rapidly approaching and I had to get back to Chicago. A brash, arrogant, and a basic nobody named Kaupena Yoon was from what I heard through reliable sources talking mad shit about how it was time for guys like myself, Roger Wright, and Hunter Valentyne to hang up our boots and pass the torch to unproven twats like him and Valora Salinas. Hell he was even basically guaranteeing victory over me. Yeah I know crazy right??
After staring at Chris to try and get answers he finally realized it was time to finally explain to me why myself and him were sitting in a county cell.
Chris Styles: I guess you want to know why we are sitting in here huh brah?
Al Envy: Dude, yeah thats a fucking Einstein observation if I have ever heard one. And what in the fuck is up with you saying brah??
Chris Styles: Brah!! We are in the islands man. Embrace the culture ya know my brother.
Al Envy: Stop with the fucking Dog the Bounty Hunter shit and tell me whats going on.
Chris motioned for me to sit down. I obliged and took my seat. It was then I realized that my head was starting to fucking kill me.
Chris Styles: Well dude. Here is what happened.
We landed at the private airfield on the Big Island right? So anyways the door opens and that fucking sun kissed my Cheetah body. It felt soo fucking good. Then I noticed that some hula bitches were waiting for us looking fine as fuck brah.
Al Envy: Stop with the brah shit……..
Anyways….we had had a little bit of a good time on the 4 hour flight from that weird as fuck state you live in. God damn pig……..and you had mixed a pretty good amount of booze and pills right brah. So seriously bro you were stumbling around like a fucking old man right. Shit son it took me forever to wake your ass up right? So finally you get down the steps and one of the hula girls was going to lay you. In typical greatness of Al Envy fashion you lay a huge kiss on her and whip out your dick!!
Chris started laughing uncontrollably as I just stared at him. Realizing that I didn’t find that amusing he continued explaining everything to me.
So anyways until you passed out on the flight you kept cock blocking me from one of those fine ass stewardesses because you kept wanting to know about my dealer in Hawaii because you wanted to score more pills and beef up your supply so you wouldn’t rely on the doctor to get them for you. Ya know being discreet and all that jazz. So being the reliable source I am I get a hold of that contact. We get in the car after I sweet talked a hula bitch into wanting a piece of the Cheetah. After 2 hours of the best sex she ever had……
Al Envy: Oh stop fucking lying god damn...Everything just came back to me. She slapped the fuck out of you and you got into the damn car crying.
Everything had come back to me. Chris realizing I caught him lying as usual sat back on the bed and lied down. I walked over by the iron bars and attempted to feel that glorious Hawaiian sun coming through those cold bars. The events of what happened started playing through my mind.
============================================================================================================
Chris Styles: Yeah man its right up there. You see that strip club?
Al Envy: Now is not the time to fucking see strippers. I want to get this shit and get back to the plane asshat.
We pulled into the shady looking parking lot and got out of the car. Looking at the run down looking club I started to doubt whether we had the right place.
Al Envy: Are you sure this is the place.
Chris Styles: This is where he told us to meet him. Said he owned the place.Kind of looks familiar too.
Taking the lead I looked around to see if anyone was watching us. The street was as quiet as a mouse and not a fucking soul could be found. Reaching the front door I noticed a run down looking sign up on the brick wall next to the entrance. I walked over to it and looked straight into the eyes of my opponent this week.
It was an HSW promo advertising the debut of Hawaii's newest wrestling superstar Kaupena Yoon. He was being billed as the next great star from Hawaii. In the background advertising the lower card matches you could see a coked up Chris Styles as well.
Al Envy: Hey numb nuts you want to know why this place looks familiar??
Chris joined me at the poster. He squinted his eyes and jerked back excited.
Chris Styles: Holy shit thats me!!!
Giving him a few more minutes he finally wrapped his brain around the situation.
Chris Styles: Oh thats right. This is the old HSW arena or whatever
Al Envy: Good job buddy.
Shaking y head we enter into the strip club/wrestling hall. Hearing some shuffling we turn around and a man approaches us.
“You are the guys here for the stuff.”
Al Envy: Well it depends. What kind of stuff do you have?
The man finally entered into the light. He looked familiar. This guy was on that poster too. He was an older man but relatively handsome with long black hair.He took the lead and we followed him into the hall behind the stripper stage. A worn down wrestling ring was sitting in the middle as trash and knocked over chairs scattered the floor surrounding it.
Chris Styles: Holy shit...Jimmy Osiris???
The man turned around and looked at Chris. The Cheetah started slapping me on the shoulder jumping up and down.
Chris Styles: Holy shit man!!! Al this is the brah that owned HSW!!! Dude you're selling drugs now??
Jimmy didn’t look too pleased that he was recognized. He sat down at a desk and reached into the drawer. He pulled out a fucking sack full of pills, Somas and Norcos...seemingly a thousand of each it looked like.
Chris Styles: Holy shit…..
Jimmy finally decided to talk.
Jimmy Osiris: Look I am not a dealer ok? I am just trying to get some funds so I can get my club back up, maybe start my promotion again. I work for the Big Kahuna,
Al Envy: Who is the Big Kahuna?
Chris Styles: Thats my guy here. Biggest and best dealer in the islands.
Jimmy Osiris: Apparently he is a big fan of yours Mr. Envy. Says he is selling these to you at pharmacy price instead of street. So its going to save you a few grand.
Al Envy: Well tell your boss I appreciate it.
Just as I started reaching into my pockets the hall was filled with yelling. Osiris quickly threw the drugs back in the desk and threw his hands up. Now I realized what the yelling was all about.
Hawaii’s finest had entered the building. We were all thrown down on the ground and handcuffed.
============================================================================================================
And that is where we are right now. Turning back I looked at Chris again.
Al Envy: So what is going to happen?
Chris Styles: Well we got our one phone call so I decided to use it. When you were sitting in the cop car you went back into that phased out stage. So I took it.
Al Envy: Who did you call?
Chris Styles: Jesus Al who else would I call. I called fucking Jesse.
Oh Jesus Christ. Now I was not happy.
Al Envy: You fucking called Jesse. Not a got damn lawyer or anything? Seriously are you fucking retarded?
Chris Styles: Hey I panicked OK! You see that dude at the desk?
Walking over to the bars I looked out towards a big detective talking on the phone.
Al Envy: What about him?
Chris Styles: He has been on the phone with my brother for the last hour.
Whether it was the fact I was going into withdrawal again I started to sweat and worry now. By this time I was pretty sure those pictures those pig cops were taking had made their way onto their Twitter accounts and also sent through text messages bragging to their friends they arrested one of the most famous wrestlers in the world. All because of this I was going to have to forfeit the Trans-Atlantic Championship. That didn’t settle with me too well, the fact that a title I brought back to legitimacy. That belt was now going to some nobody whos claim to fame was wrestling in a dingy strip club for a guy who pushed drugs for a big drug dealer. That’s a pretty pathetic claim to fame isn’t it? And now this motherfucker who didn’t deserve a title shot in the first place was going to win my belt on a technicality, and believe you me that was the only fucking way that bitch was ever going to take the TA title away from me.
I noticed the detective had put the phone down as another one walked in. After what seemed like an eternity they finally finished talking. The detective approached one of those fucker officers and whispered in his ear. The officer walked over, and opened the cell doors. He stood back and myself and Chris walked out looking confused. The detective walked over to us and extended his hand to me. I didn’t take it. He smiled and looked a little irritated.
Detective: I want to apologize to you gentlemen for us arresting you. Apparently it was wrongful.
What did he mean it was wrongful? We were caught trying to illegally buy prescription medication. That bag Osiris threw into his drawer was proof enough to place all of our asses in jail for ten years.
Detective: We can’t hold you guys anymore. No evidence was found at the club indicating that drugs were being sold. A month’s worth of police work and stakeouts fucking wasted. nd as fars as to why you guys were there your boss told us you two were representing him in a business deal to acquire the rights to the wrestling company that operated out of there. So with all that and lack of evidence. You're free to go. Our apologies.
Despite the fact we dodged the biggest bullet you could possibly ever dodge. I was going to work with this to try and further my so called innocence.
Al Envy: Well detective. Believe you me this isn’t over. You will be hearing from my lawyer. Oh and if those officers taking pictures of me with their phones somehow cause those photos to make it into the world through social media or whatever the lawsuit will grow to include them. Defamation of character, especially a character as famous as I am is a pretty big deal. And my lawyers are the best in the world too.
Grabbing our stuff that was confiscated we walk past the group that had gathered. Some looked starstruck and others looked pissed that their biggest accomplishments in their criminal justice career had just gone by the wayside.
Outside a taxi was waiting for us, at the expense of the police department of course, and we get into it. That was when I started wondering how in the hell that huge bag of drugs was missing. How did those stupid fucks not find that incriminating evidence. That was when I noticed Chris shifting a lot in his seat. He unbuttoned his pants and started shifting his hand near his ass.
Al Envy: Um...I know the excitement of me touching your dick is too much for you to contain but can you please stop playing with your……
Chris Styles pulled the huge bag of drugs from his pants. He smiles and looks at me as I look at him in disbelief.
Chris Styles: Dumb mother fuckers never do a cavity search brah.
Al Envy: How….did...you….what??
Chris felt a sense of accomplishment. He was thinking that he just impressed me. And honestly the little shit just did.
Chris Styles: Well I don’t call myself the cheetah for nothing. In the commotion i dashed behind the desk, took the drugs, and shoved them up my ass all before we were thrown down to the ground. Remember I was the last one to be captured don’t you?
He tried handing me the bag.
Al Envy: Dude that was up your ass. Keep them until we get back to the states.
Chris smiled at me and started tossing the bag up and down proud of his accomplishment. I started to think that holy shit he fit that bag up his ass and how he could do that and hide his discomfort, then I realized that well it was Chris Styles. And I immediately stopped thinking about how he could do it because that was just a disturbing thought.
We reach the private jet and once again we board. Lady luck was damn sure on my side. I wa caught buying drugs and got the fuck away with it! And hell I was about to add to my bank account with a lawsuit against the State of Hawaii as well. I felt good as I popped a couple of pills, not the ones from the big bag, and closed my eyes feeling invincible.
The best part was my title was going to be safe. This Poon Yoon motherfucker wasn’t going to win it by a technicality of myself being in prison. This kid had been spewing shit out of his mouth talking bout how Al Envy was past his prime and it was a guarantee that he was going to take my championship away. Honestly, I don’t know how a 34 year old man in tremendous physical conditioning was past his prime but it is what it is. Let me break it down for you little man.
I am Al mother fucking Envy. I am one of the absolute best wrestlers on this planet and am in a league that will take your ass fucking years to reach if you even do. You don’t deserve to even be in the same ring with me, and you sure as fuck don’t deserve to get a TA title shot. Seriously you lose a match and earn a title shot?? No wonder you think you are relevant. Well you aren’t relevant. You come from a piece of shit strip club that decided to try and start a fucking wrestling company that failed miserably, and the last time I checked you were supposedly a top guy there. That is what you represent, and you think you belong in a place like New Edge Wrestling??
Welcome to your 15 minutes of fame Kaupena Yoon, and enjoy it while you can. Because let me tell you what will happen at Ignite 201. You will have your first ever main event, and the only reason is because you are wrestling me, and you will feel a sense of accomplishment. Then reality is going to hit you in your mask that hides your ugly face. You're going to realize that your are in a real wrestling ring. You're going to look around and see thousands of rabid wrestling fans sitting inside a real wrestling arena. You will start sweating through your mask as you get nervous. Then you're going to realize that this isn’t strip club anymore where you actually belong.
Then…….you look across the ring and there I stand And let me remind you of who I am. The Show Stealer, the Trendsetter, pound for pound the best professional wrestler on planet Earth, and the sultan of strong style Al Envy. Then next thing you know you're looking up at the bright lights sucking wind because you got your fucking head knocked off your shoulders. You will leave the ring a failure, proving that you don’t belong in New Edge Wrestling.
Your followers that tag along with you will realize that they are following a loser. You will realize this whole thing is too much for you and go back to Hawaii. You will walk back into that strip club and confront Jimmy Osiris the drug pusher. Then you both will rot into obscurity.
So Kaupena Yoon enjoy your 15 minutes of fame, enjoy the nostalgia of facing a guy like Al Envy, because at the end of Ignite 201 its going to come crashing down all around you.
Say Goodnight…..Brah