Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2015 15:58:25 GMT -6
When all your love is lost
And burning bridges can't be crossed
Lord, won't you let me know?
Or give me one more reason to go?
{{A good reputation is more valuable than money. - Publilius Syrus}}
::Prologue::
[[This business has always had an affinity to chew you up and spit you out. No matter how high you climb, eventually it will take you down. For some folks it’s a career ending injury, for others it’s a vice that ruins their body and their life. Scandal sells, tragedy earns ratings. Dishonor, disgrace, slander, libel, and in the end it all leads to one place, infamy. Infamy is a funny word as it can be good or bad, but no matter how you get to that point once you are there, there is nowhere else left to go….but down. Fame...ain’t it a bitch?]]
And burning bridges can't be crossed
Lord, won't you let me know?
Or give me one more reason to go?
{{A good reputation is more valuable than money. - Publilius Syrus}}
::Prologue::
[[This business has always had an affinity to chew you up and spit you out. No matter how high you climb, eventually it will take you down. For some folks it’s a career ending injury, for others it’s a vice that ruins their body and their life. Scandal sells, tragedy earns ratings. Dishonor, disgrace, slander, libel, and in the end it all leads to one place, infamy. Infamy is a funny word as it can be good or bad, but no matter how you get to that point once you are there, there is nowhere else left to go….but down. Fame...ain’t it a bitch?]]
++I didn’t need to hear the whispers going on behind my back. They were more than expected. I didn’t kill a myth or a legend, I didn’t out rank “The Queen”, and I didn’t put an end to Jesse Styles, even though I could have. No. No the whispers, the gossip, the inside jokes they were all attributed to one thing. I destroyed my career. Everything I had ever worked for and achieved were now dwarfed by all the drama, negativity, and rumors that followed me no matter where I went. For the longest time I blamed Chicago. I pointed the finger of blame in every direction I could but at the end of the day, I just had to look in the mirror to see the guilty party. When you are proud, vain, and arrogant like me, the hardest thing to do is accept self blame. The very act of acknowledging that I was the one at fault made me sick to my stomach. I lost count of how many nights I sat hugging a toilet throwing up my guts because of disgust and shame. My body and my psyche aren’t familiar with those horrible feelings. I was always right, never wrong. It was always someone elses fault, never mine. I was untouchable like Elliot Ness. I was too blinded by my own hype to realize that I was the one at the open barrel end of a gun...and what was worse was knowing I put myself there. Valora stopped me from committing suicide once but in the end it didn’t matter. Pull the trigger...it’s time I kill myself++
Jesse: You’re on time? That is a first...lets get this over with I have other things I would rather be doing than sitting here with you.
(I sat down without saying a word. I didn’t need too. There was no love loss between me and Mr. Styles. Our personalities, ideas about the business, about life they always conflicted. I was stubborn and always had to have my way, and he was the last person to admit failure or wrongdoing. Instead of pretending to be friendly I just reached into my satchel and pulled out a bundle of papers)
Elizabeth: I appreciate you allowing me the option to negotiate and manage my own contract. I feel that you will be very pleased with what I have come up with. It just needs your signature and then we can send it to legal.
Jesse: Yes. I am SO sure you appreciate it. You better know that you have no leverage in this so this contract of yours better be as minimal as I demanded.
Elizabeth: It is. I assure you.
(I graciously handed it over to him and sat back, crossing my legs waiting while he skimmed over it. Suddenly he stopped and looked up at me with a look of confusion on his face)
Jesse: These figures can’t be right. I mean I think you are a piece of shit but even I wouldn’t pay you this salary, it is completely insane. What are you up to?
(He narrowed his eyes and studied my face, but he was about to be sorely disappointed)
Elizabeth: That amount is all I am worth. Before you say anything, let me explain something to you. Let me just talk to you one wrestler to another for a few moments, please…
(He relaxed and sat back in his chair with a smug look. I didn’t blame him for mistrusting me. I was a ruthless bitch so it was to be expected)
Elizabeth: That amount is the lowest I could go without getting you in trouble. That amount is all I am worth. I know that it is the about the same figures that the indy guys, the training ground guys and the dark match guys get when they do a show for you and that is all I feel I deserve. I’m no great champion. I’m not even main event material. I am a sad, sorry, pathetic excuse for a mid-carder. I spent so many years talking about those guys that would outstay their usefulness and end up working for peanuts and Jesse, I predicted my own future. I have become the very same. You are right, I have no leverage in this company and I haven’t for a very long time and it no ones fault but mine. It was my choices, my outspoken opinions, my bitterness and hatred that got me to this place. I did this all on my own. Let me level with you Jesse. We have both been in this business for a very long time and we both have blood on our hands, some of which we wish we could forget. You know why the lot of us end up hooked on drugs or alcohol? Ghosts. This business sucks you in, rapes you and then spits you out into the gutter. It isn’t that much different than what Hollywood is. I am the living, breathing example of Norma Desmond from Sunset Boulevard.
Jesse: So what exactly are you getting at with this shit? What do you want? I mean it sounds like you are sincere but hell I wouldn’t trust you if I was on fire and you had a bucket of water.
Elizabeth: I don’t want your money Jesse. God knows I don’t need it. Read the fine print on the contract. Every dime I make goes into a trust to be used for charities and social programs. I have enough blood money in my bank account, I don’t need any more. That isn’t an insult to you. You are the owner, you do what you have to do because you know as well as I do that this business is a bitch. One minute she loves you the next you are on the outside looking in. This business, it isn’t about the money, it never was. It isn’t about the endorsement deals, the houses, the stylish cars or even the fame. This business, the business that I got my start in, it was about the product. Do you know how much I made when I got started in this business? Fifty bucks. I made fifty bucks an appearance. If I wanted more money or air time I either had to drop my panties or drop to my knees. THAT is the business that made me. I forgot where I came from. I forgot WHY I stayed in this business in the first place. I could be a top five international lawyer right now and yet here I am, still taking the bumps and the bruises. I am still spilling blood and sweat for this business. Why? I’ll tell you why. The world of law is far more treacherous than this business. The term “shark” was coined for a reason. I know lawyers that would give their first born for a verdict in their favor. I have shaken some dirty hands in my lifetime. I’ve been bent over a desk getting banged from behind and all the while I was thinking about the day I would leave that all behind. I made it. I beat all the odds and I made my name and then...I took it all for granted. I don’t want your money Jesse, I just want one more chance. I want one more try to earn back the respect and the reputation.
(There was a moment of silence after I finished talking. I turned my head away and tried to casually wipe my eyes. I heard his chair squeak and I turned my head back to face him. I could tell he was mulling over the things I said and by God I meant every single word. He nodded his head and cleared his throat)
Jesse: I’ll sign it, but I want to make something clear. This is it. This is your last chance. You fuck it up one time and I will be the one blackballing instead of you. I will bury you so bad that you will have no choice but to retire, walk away and become a figment of the past, do you understand?
Elizabeth: I understand and I can say that you are being quite fair given my previous actions and decisions. You have a promotion to protect. You have to do what you have to do.
Jesse: I also want to make one more thing clear. I know that you and Valora are tight and have some sort of soulmate friendship or some shit but she has a bright career and future and….
(I raised my hand stopping him and leaned forward in my chair. He seemed annoyed that I interrupted him but I had too)
Elizabeth: Why do you think I am even here Jesse? Who do you think brought me to this point? You think I could have reached such a monumental point in my life without outside assistance? Hell no. She never gave up on me. She never walked away. She kept telling me off, backing me into corners and telling me what I didn’t want to hear because she believed in me. She believed that I could change. If it wasn’t for her I would have blown my brains out those few years ago. We are more than friends, we are sisters. Sure we have had spats, but when it is all over and we have beaten the hell out of each other, we still embrace each other and respect each other. The last thing I would want to do is weigh her down, I would just as soon as retire and become an announcer than ruin her career or take her down with me. I want to make one thing clear to you though, Jesse. The problems between you and I? Is just that, between you and I. If you want to take it out on someone, you take it out on me. If I do something that ruffles your feathers, you call me on the carpet. You don’t take it out on her. You and I are a lot alike and that is why we can’t get along. You have a long history of using your anger and hatred and taking it out on people others care about and that just isn’t professional. You wanna right hook me? By all means. I won’t even file a complaint. You want a punching bag, I’m right here and I’m never hard to find. I came back for me, for Val, and for all the other people I have let down or disappointed, including you. This is for me. I have to prove my worth….is that so wrong?
(Again, more silence. He could beat the shit out of me and I would just limp away knowing that I deserved it. I was more than glad to start at the bottom. I deserved it after all my failures, laziness, and purposely missing flights. He cleared his throat again and scratched his nose with his thumb. He was uncomfortable and it was obvious. I knew he wanted to just bitch me out but he couldn’t. It wasn’t Apathy sitting in front of him, not even Elizabeth Deveraux, it was Lizzy. Lizzy the human being with bills, a kid, alimony, and debts. Lizzy with the messed up family history and the criminal record. Lizzy...the addict, the alcoholic, the woman. The flawed woman.)
Jesse: No. It isn’t wrong. It is almost admirable. I guess we can pick up where things left off, you and Valora in a tag team. You two do make one of the more formidable teams in the history of New Edge, even I can’t ignore that. It would be good for ratings too. No matter what I think of you, people do pay to see you, even if its just to see if you die in the middle of a damn match. I’m not going to make it easy though, you get to face the Carter brothers, two old friends of yours. I want to see how genuine this “new” you is.
(He smirked and I knew he was going to put me through the motions. I didn’t blame him. I always could run a good scam. I smiled and nodded my head.)
Elizabeth: Just because I’ve been humbled Jesse, doesn’t mean I have lost my power of opinion or objection. I have ALWAYS called it as I saw it no matter how much people hated it so if you think that I am going to go into that match mild mannered you will be sadly mistaken. Business is business, but what happens in that rings stays in that ring. My professional life and my personal life is separate now because it HAS to be. I’ve carried too much weight, too many burdens for far too long. Roger always has and always will be an overrated, unentertaining, robot hack as far as I am concerned and his brother isn’t too far behind him. I may have been gone Jesse, but I wasn’t ignorant to what was going on. I can switch my device onto your show any time I want. Hell, I have a subscription to your online service. Make no mistake though, I do not underestimate either of those fine, fine gentlemen. Anyone is capable of breaking away from the pack when enough pressure is put on them and I wouldn’t doubt that Chris breaks away sometime in the near future and comes into his own. That is the one great thing about this business, everyone is an underdog no matter who you are, what the defining line is between mediocrity or greatness is how bad you want it. If this business runs through your veins like it does me, like it does you, like it does so many others, you will go far. This business courses through that kids veins like the very blood Christ gave him. He is hungry and salivating. He will go somewhere. Roger? Roger is just going through the motions. He doesn’t have that fire anymore and before you even say it, a belt does not a champion make. He is losing his smile and I think deep down he knows it. If anyone is qualified to note when someone is waning in the business, it’s me. I lost my smile a long time ago I just refused to accept it and realize it until recently.
(I stood up and extended my hand though I figured he wouldn’t take it. Much to my surprise he did shaking it firmly. I began to make my exit when he called out to me)
Jesse: I think the next person you need to meet up with...is Val.
::Epilogue::
[[Yeah, the biggest mistake we make as individuals (what's that?)
is thinkin' everyone lives by the same principles (okay)
But when I talk by the same teachers and principals (nope)
For you to know it's not the money, it's the principle (woo!)]]