Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2015 22:48:47 GMT -6
#VanityProject
There I was, minding my own business, flipping through gossip magazines (to see what they were saying about me this week) while an old Asian woman tended to my toe nails….in public. Gone were the days when I could simply order in a nail technician from Latvia and have her give me a diamond pedicure...you know...the kind where they exfoliate your feet with actual diamonds.
Ever since Roger made off with my jack, I had been relegated to getting my pedicures at a run of the mill nail salon full of Asian women. Now...i’m no racist...God knows i’ve had more multi-cultural meat in me than a Turducken...just kidding...but seriously, I’m not a racist. My handbags are made from little kids in China, and I looooove my bags.
However, Asian nail salons are the worst. They run on time, not by quality which means they’re more concerned with getting you out under 30 minutes or less (like a pizza delivery) rather than actually doing a good job.
The outcome? They end up making you bleed from cutting your cuticles because they’re in a hurry, shredded nail tips that get caught on everything because they file them too fast, and the worst of the worst: nail infections, because they don’t take the time to properly sterilize their equipment. Honestly, if you absolutely can’t afford a private nail technician then at least get yours done at a hotel..they’re the only ones interested in customer satisfaction. However I was even too poor for that!
I was just about to curse out my nail tech, ‘Susan’, after she cut me with her cuticle nippers for the third time when I came across an interesting article in the tabloid magazine. The headline read: (NEW)COMER PREPS FOR MATCH AGAINST FORMER WORLD CHAMPIUON BLAIR BUCHANNAN.
I was intrigued. Then...after actually reading the article, I became bored. It was about Jeremiah Vastrix. I know what you’re thinking: who? Well, apparently he’s some guy who was buying up as much merch from his local piggly wiggly to arm his immune system against the army of my varied alleged venereal diseases.
Very funny. Preventive medicine? The tired old i’m a diseased whore bit? Wow, super clever. Sigh. I wish you would have at least come up with something a little more creative but I guess I shouldn’t expect much from a low level, bottom dweller such as yourself. #BasicBitchesNotWanted. Of course, you wouldn’t understand what i’m talking about because you’ve never been on my level.
You aren’t even a flash in the pan, darling. You’re a bonafide loser who will be forced to spend an eternity at the bottom of the card until you finally decide to quit. What? Did you think that the Main Event types would think you were ‘cool’ because you decided to raise your stubby little dick beater and spit out some asinine excuse for a joke at my expense? Oh come on! It’s too pathetic.
Sorry Jeremiah, but you don’t get to just waltz into this business and comment on my personal life just because that seems to be the only thing that my past opponents can think of. Masturbation makes me a whore? LOL. well, perhaps if your mother had practiced self-love more often, then maybe i wouldn’t be facing the mental equivalent of a teletubby in the ring this week.
You poor, simple little idiot...do you even know what this match is? I’m sure you don’t. I’ll bet that you think you’re rising in the ranks because you get to face somebody who’s actually worth a shit in this company. Nope. Wrong again babycakes.
This match is something i’d like to call a mercy fuck. You’re like an elective class in High School. an Easy A. Just a warm body for me to bitch slap a few times so that I can pick up an easy win before I officially fall into a losing streak. See...the showrunners are simply throwing me a bone and that’s all there is to it. Don’t believe me? Well, then you obviously haven’t done your homework.
If you weren’t so busy worrying about what this married woman should and shouldn’t do to her vagina then you would have been able to do a bit of research on your opponent like any legitimate competitor would have done. Now, after doing said research you would have realized that I just got off a run as the World Champion, however brief it may have been. At the expense of sounding like a broken record, i’ll also point out that I managed to defeat Roger Wright who is widely regarded as the greatest world champion in NEW, blah blah blah i’ve said this before.
My point is that i’m busy being booked against people like Roger Wright, Hunter Valentyne, and all of the other usual Main Event types...and then all of a sudden i’m booked against a rookie loser like you? Does that make sense to you? Honey, all you are is a late birthday present from NEW...a confidence booster for me after losing the title and losing to my husband last week. You’re nothing more than a vanity project.
So while you’re out there getting your vaccines for STD’s because you think you’re going to catch something from me...make sure you get a rabies shot too, bitch, because I may have lost my orgasm but I havent lost my bark and I damn sure haven’t lost my bite; and don’t let the short skirts fool you, because i’m known to get damn near RABID in the ring...but you on the other hand must have lost your motherfucking mind if you think you’re anything other than a stepping stone for me to tiptoe back onto my throne where I belong, while your shoulders are pinned against the mat where THEY belong.
Learn to stay in your place, booboo, because I’ve conquered men far more impressive than you and I’ve climbed to the top of this company countless time and time again…
...and I did it all in heels.