Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2015 16:23:53 GMT -6
When all your love is lost
And burning bridges can't be crossed
Lord, won't you let me know?
Or give me one more reason to go?
{{“There's no bitch on earth like a mother frightened for her kids.”}}
? Stephen King
::Prologue::
And burning bridges can't be crossed
Lord, won't you let me know?
Or give me one more reason to go?
{{“There's no bitch on earth like a mother frightened for her kids.”}}
? Stephen King
::Prologue::
++We lost the match. There would be no tag belts for us, at least not at this junction. I was okay with that. I gave my best and I dug down deep and due to that I was satisfied. Azami and I were in the gym and as usual she was putting me through hell. Azami was a warrior. She didn’t believe in or encourage half assed attempts. She wasn’t satisfied with a work out unless her knuckles were bleeding or someone broke her nose. She was hardcore and we had come up in the lucha, indy, and Japan scenes together. She was the type to push you to your limits and then some. To her, there was no dishonor in losing or failing, the dishonor came about if you did not try or give your all. I used to believe in that once. It was that line of thinking that helped me get to the top. I tried not thinking about it as Azami screamed at me while I was hitting the bag++
Azami: Harder!!! I have seen you punch strangers in bars harder than this!!! I want to see the rage, the fire! Unleash the dragoness!!! Put your guts into it!!!
++I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. I didn’t need to go to a negative place to find the inspiration to lash out. I just tapped into my desire to fight and my inner competitor and roared as I began pummeling the bag left and right. I got carried away, forgetting that Azami was spotting me, and roundhouse kicked the bag, which connected with her and sent her backwards into the side of the ring. I stopped the bag and looked over to where she landed. She had a smile on her face and began to laugh as she pulled herself up++
Azami: That. That is the Elizabeth I remember. That is the Elizabeth that I remember who climbed the cage after positioning Devon’s leg in a ladder and then senton bombing off of it onto the ladder. How many ribs did you break that night?
Elizabeth: Two. Two ribs, my wrist, and two fingers on my other hand. I didn’t really intend to break Devons leg though, you know that right? He botched it to get out of the tour.
Azami: Yes. I know. Devon never did conduct himself with honor or pride. We both know who to blame for that.
Elizabeth: I won’t speak ill of the dead I will just say this, everything that woman touched turned to dust. I think she knew that though. I think that was part of the reason she took herself out like she did. I digress. How is retirement treating you?
Azami: Quite well actually. I started on my memoirs. It excites me.
Elizabeth: I would need more than one book to write mine. I guess that whole “Chronicles of Apathy” would come in handy then. Azami, what was it that helped you make the decision to retire?
Azami: You know as well as I do. It was time. I reflected on the idea and it felt right within me and I felt at peace with the decision. I knew it was time. Why do you ask?
Elizabeth: I have been wondering if it is my time. I keep mulling the idea over.
Azami: When you dwell on it, how do you feel inside?
Elizabeth: Uneasy. It doesn’t feel right, but I also take into consideration that me and the right decisions don’t exactly have a healthy history.
Azami: Answer me this. Do you feel...fulfilled? Satisfied?
(I hopped up on the ring and rolled in, sitting with my back against the ropes. Azami joined me, taking a spot in the middle of the ring. I drew a deep breath and then exhaled sharply)
Elizabeth: No. I feel there is more. I feel that there are things left undone.
Azami: Then you have your answer. Now may I ask a question?
Elizabeth: Of course…..
Azami: What of the child? Is she the reason you wanted to bring me on as your trainer? Is she the reason you have been taking a very long stroll down memory lane? Has she ignited a fire inside you? Or perhaps it was her confession that she wanted to follow in your footsteps? You cannot hide your worry and your memories. I walked that path with you, did I not?
Elizabeth: You did. Her confession just brought to the surface so many different feelings, fears, and memories. I mean I had already been contemplating going back down that road but her utterance pushed me down the foot path. I had no choice after she made it known she wanted to follow in my footsteps. I can’t let her. I have to forbid it, but then again I know it would do no good. She will take the path in life that she most desires. You taught me that and you repeated it every single time I asked you why I would do this or why I would get involved with this person or that one. It is just that I know what she will face being the daughter of Apathy. I don’t want my decisions, my choices, my mistakes to overshadow her. I don’t want my own tumultuous career to devour her. She is not me. My sins are mine and mine alone and that burden is mine only to bear. I’ve put myself into a position where I need to try and either undo the damage I have caused or I need to outshine all of the negative. I refuse to turn over a tainted legacy to her. She deserves more, better. I could give a snap what others think about me, but no. I can’t bring her shame.
(I let out a frustrated sigh and dangled my head between the ropes while I contemplated the choices I had. Azami moved closer to me and laid her hand on my leg, petting it softly.)
Azami: What you feel? Those things you speak? That is honor.
Elizabeth: I traded my honor away a long time ago. I sold myself out. There is nothing honorable about a woman like me. I have accepted that fact.
Azami: Chiagu!!!!!! You bother yourself too much with stereotypical notions of your own society. Honor is more than behavior. Honor cannot be sold or bartered. When you say you murdered Cage, I do not see a murderer. I see a mother who avenged her dead child. I see a woman who sought vengeance upon a coward who brought shame to not only his ex wife but more importantly his own child. You did not commit murder in my eyes, you executed a coward. When you say you are a whore because of the many suitors you have courted, I do not see a whore. I see an Oiran. I see a courtesan. You judge yourself too harshly Lizzy and you let others judgements mean far more than they should. Your path in life is yours, no one elses. You have always conducted yourself honorably in some form or another. Honor is not always what is considered right, but necessary or the best option. Do you forget that my ancestors would commit seppuku when they dishonored themselves? If you feel as such then I shall gladly hand you the katana so that you may die honorably. If you feel that there is no way to redirect your life's course, then I will help you find peace.
Elizabeth: No. I don’t feel that there is no way to redirect my course I just have no idea where to begin my journey. Nobody is going to take me seriously, not now at least. So many times I have promised to turn things around or to try harder and it never happened. I am looked at as a lost cause and worthless. I have turned myself into a joke….
Azami: How is this a problem? I have watched you beat the odds many times. Do you remember when Andrea Hill almost paralyzed you? Not one person cared. They forged on without you attempting to erase you from the picture. What happened Liz? I want to hear you say it. I want YOU to hear you say it.
Elizabeth: I pushed myself to walk again. I hurt, I cried, and I roared in angst but I walked again. I made my return and won the tournament. In fact I beat her to win it.
Azami: That day you established your power and domination. Both in the business and within yourself. Do not sit there and try to convince me that you are not capable of overcoming these odds as well. I call you fool. The past is a destination, not a residence. This is here and now and there is nothing nor nobody standing in your way. Prove them wrong. If you are as intent on your daughter coming into a dynasty without shame and disappointment then there is no better time to start than now. She is eight, almost nine. You have nine years to completely rebuild your dynasty.
(I let out a disgusted sigh and lifted my head to look at her. She was right. She was always right. I cracked my neck and stood up cracking my back over the ring ropes.)
Elizabeth: I was a fool to think that this day would never come. Her father is a decorated world champion and one of the most revered and feared men in the business. Her grandfather puts the likes of Jesse Styles, Harwell, and Liermann to shame. Her Godfather is one of the meanest sons of bitches to ever grace a ring. I could go on and on but the fact is that she is completely surrounded by this business on all sides. This was going to happen sooner or later. I mean Georges boy Jake is only a few years out from being able to go into the business. It is what it is.
Azami: Who is it you face at the pay per view?
Elizabeth: Vastrix. It’s for a spot in Terrordome of all things. He considers himself “God’s Gift” but from what I have seen he seems more like a pain in the ass that is self-righteous and likes to stick his nose into things where it doesn’t belong. If there is one thing I have learned, never and I mean NEVER question the managements firing decisions. They do not take kindly to some schmuck that rolled in here out of some bingo hall in Aledo and suddenly decides his opinion matters. I don’t know what happened with Yoon and you know what? It isn’t any of my business. I didn’t see anyone pleading my case when Styles got tired of my drama and my mental instability and tossed me out on my butt. This business is merciless. Our contracts are not set in stone. You and I both know that people have been let go from companies for failing drug tests and yet they were straight edge. Things happen. It comes down to money, ratings and marketability. We get paid to put on a show, not try and start a revolution. Vastrix signed his own pink slip when he decided to get involved in the Yoon situation. If he thinks that the mask he wears is going to protect him from persecution and stop him from being future endeavored he is wrong.
Azami: This man, he does not sound very smart. Honorable to defend a fellow wrestler, but not very smart. He must not value his career much to behave in such a way. There are just some things one does not get involved in.
Elizabeth: Agreed. The only surefire way to last in this business to know when to get involved in something and when to walk in the other direction. I at least did right by choosing my battles. This Vastrix, he is very full of himself. He presents himself as someone of importance and worth but I’m not buying. Either way, no amount of self assurance will change the fact that he faces me. I know that people took notice during that tag match. People came up to me and told me that they hadn’t seen me put on a show like that in years. Valora was even surprised, we haven’t spoken since though. She is dealing with a personal war which I completely respect. Besides, I have relied on her too much. She deserves some space from me. I also need to show her that I am serious about this.
Azami: Can you see the opportunity which fate has presented for you?
(I nodded my head solemnly and rested my hand on Azami’s shoulder, smiling)
Elizabeth: I do. Vastrix’s folly can be my gain. I have an opportunity to go out there, impartial, and while his mind is wrapped around fighting a losing battle, I can benefit from it. I need to approach my matches level headed, impartial and not let personal emotions get involved. It is possible to be successful, respected, and reviled without hatred, bitterness, or unnecessary violence to get me there. I must stay the course. I have no room for failure this time.
Azami: You will not walk this path alone. I will be there to veer you back upon the path if you should stray. I have faith in your journey, and you.
Elizabeth: I just need to somehow keep the faith in myself.