Post by Jesse Styles on Mar 10, 2013 19:00:28 GMT -6
I Don't Read Good
Ole by Bouncing Souls plays as the arena goes black except for a bright green spotlight. The light is circling the arena, and finally stops on a leather clad figure who is hard to see high up in upper balcony section. He’s sitting reclined with his feet up and the people around him seem to be going crazy with excitement.
Jill Matthews: Something about this man looks very familiar.
Vince Walters: It should, that is Dynamite Davey Dynamo. Last we heard he was doing time in New York.
Jill: Yeah, I heard he was on some sort of chain gang in Arizona.
Suddenly a voice over the PA plays.
Voice: I heard he was getting it on with a one legged stripper named Ginger in Las Vegas.
The man stands up and leans over the balcony, and releases a giant loogie over the edge.
Davey: The moment you all have been waiting for is finally here. The one, the only, Dynamite Davey Dynamo is back in New Edge Wrestling. Now I know I only have a 4th grade education and that I don’t read good, but I had someone read me all the news rumors about me. There were some doozies.
Davey pulls out a stack of papers and hands them to a well dressed man standing just behind him.
Davey: Carl, if you could.
Carl whispers something into Davey’s ear prior to throwing the paper on the floor. Davey snickers before leaning into the mic.
Davey: Davey Dynamo has allegedly checked into a rehab facility in Southern California. That’s hilarious. I would never go to rehab. I would need to have a problem first and that’s one thing I don’t have. No problems. Wait…
Davey looks at Carl who whispers in his ear again.
Davey: I mean that’s one thing I don’t have are any problems. Now for this one.
Carl Whispers again.
Davey: Davey Dynamo arrested for attempted murder. That’s blasphemous. I would never attempt to murder someone. I would succeed or not try at all. Besides, I’ve been a good boy.
Davey looks over at Carl again, and he nods in approval.
Davey walks over to the steps and begins walking down towards the ring area.
Davey: The rumors were mostly ridiculous. Some were quite good, like the one where I went to live in a monastery, but lets be honest. Would any of you know me to do anything but cause chaos. Now that I’m here in NEW Chaos is all I will cause.
Davey hops the railing to get to ringside, and climbs in.
Davey: As for my aspirations here in New Edge. We have this division known as the Youngblood Division. These are supposed to be the future of New Edge Wrestling, but I’ll be fucked if I would trust any of these sad excuse for pimples to be the future of a brand that, despite the piss poor ownership, I take pride in. It’s time someone do the job of the owner and show these little fucks what exactly it means to be the future of New Edge Wrestling. They’re going to have to power through all 42 years of my experience to even think they can sniff the jockstrap of the likes of guys like XXX and Roger Wright. This company used to stand for something and now it’s just a diluted cesspool of mediocrity and anal herpes. Jesse you should just hand over the company to me now because when I’m done you’ll have a billion dollar brand, not a tin foil hat brand.
Davey drops the microphone and climbs out of the ring.
Walters: Interesting. One of the strongest in ring competitors to grace the NEW ring is going to wrestle in the lowest division.
Ole by Bouncing Souls plays as the arena goes black except for a bright green spotlight. The light is circling the arena, and finally stops on a leather clad figure who is hard to see high up in upper balcony section. He’s sitting reclined with his feet up and the people around him seem to be going crazy with excitement.
Jill Matthews: Something about this man looks very familiar.
Vince Walters: It should, that is Dynamite Davey Dynamo. Last we heard he was doing time in New York.
Jill: Yeah, I heard he was on some sort of chain gang in Arizona.
Suddenly a voice over the PA plays.
Voice: I heard he was getting it on with a one legged stripper named Ginger in Las Vegas.
The man stands up and leans over the balcony, and releases a giant loogie over the edge.
Davey: The moment you all have been waiting for is finally here. The one, the only, Dynamite Davey Dynamo is back in New Edge Wrestling. Now I know I only have a 4th grade education and that I don’t read good, but I had someone read me all the news rumors about me. There were some doozies.
Davey pulls out a stack of papers and hands them to a well dressed man standing just behind him.
Davey: Carl, if you could.
Carl whispers something into Davey’s ear prior to throwing the paper on the floor. Davey snickers before leaning into the mic.
Davey: Davey Dynamo has allegedly checked into a rehab facility in Southern California. That’s hilarious. I would never go to rehab. I would need to have a problem first and that’s one thing I don’t have. No problems. Wait…
Davey looks at Carl who whispers in his ear again.
Davey: I mean that’s one thing I don’t have are any problems. Now for this one.
Carl Whispers again.
Davey: Davey Dynamo arrested for attempted murder. That’s blasphemous. I would never attempt to murder someone. I would succeed or not try at all. Besides, I’ve been a good boy.
Davey looks over at Carl again, and he nods in approval.
Davey walks over to the steps and begins walking down towards the ring area.
Davey: The rumors were mostly ridiculous. Some were quite good, like the one where I went to live in a monastery, but lets be honest. Would any of you know me to do anything but cause chaos. Now that I’m here in NEW Chaos is all I will cause.
Davey hops the railing to get to ringside, and climbs in.
Davey: As for my aspirations here in New Edge. We have this division known as the Youngblood Division. These are supposed to be the future of New Edge Wrestling, but I’ll be fucked if I would trust any of these sad excuse for pimples to be the future of a brand that, despite the piss poor ownership, I take pride in. It’s time someone do the job of the owner and show these little fucks what exactly it means to be the future of New Edge Wrestling. They’re going to have to power through all 42 years of my experience to even think they can sniff the jockstrap of the likes of guys like XXX and Roger Wright. This company used to stand for something and now it’s just a diluted cesspool of mediocrity and anal herpes. Jesse you should just hand over the company to me now because when I’m done you’ll have a billion dollar brand, not a tin foil hat brand.
Davey drops the microphone and climbs out of the ring.
Walters: Interesting. One of the strongest in ring competitors to grace the NEW ring is going to wrestle in the lowest division.