Post by Alan Envy on Apr 25, 2015 22:23:27 GMT -6
When we return from commercial break, we’re back at ringside where we’re treated with a sight unknown to those unaccustomed to a certain Johnimant Species. For those folks, the inside of the ring is filled with spooky props: bones, skulls, gravestones and the like. Many fans in attendance, i.e.: the initiated into all things Johnny, root for the man lurking amidst these fake-ass props, cheer for what’s about to occur!
“Let me… make ONE THING… PERFECTLY CLEAR!!!”
Those in the know chant along! Johnny chuckles.
“Five and a half episodes strong, but let’s go for SIX and a half, shall we? WELCOME… to The Boneyard!”
More cheering ensues.
“And IN The Boneyard, for those of you who aren’t aware, Yours Truly tends to bring someone out and ask them the TOUGH questions. For its debut appearance in New Edge Wrestling, RIGHT HERE, in CHIIIIII-TOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!”
The cheap pop causes the desire effect with the crowd.
“...we have ourselves a VERY special guest INDEED! It’s a man I know all too well, a wonderful humanitarian, a beautiful mind, a Renaissance Man, all-around great guy, and, if I may say so, a handsome gent. Who am I talking about, you ask?”
The fans shout out demands for this question to be answered posthaste!
“Why, it’s none other than… ME!!!”
And so, the fans cheer, they’re confused, but they cheer! “I Hate My Generation” by Cracker begins to play for a bit, before Johnny pantomimes a slashed throat, which cues his theme being cut.
“Yeah, I’m already here. Anyway, Johnny Bonecrusher, welcome to The Boneyard!”
Johnny turns around whenever he responds to Johnny. Yeah, this will be complicated, so just try to keep up. Or not, I’m not your mom.
“Thank you, thank you for having me here.”
“I’m to believe that this is your first time entering The Boneyard, yes?”
“Uh… well… yeah. There’s been, there’s only been, like, five shows of this, hasn’t there?”
“Well, no, noooo, there was the LAST one in ACE, where we crashed Thaddeus Krowe’s show.”
“YOU crashed it’ I wasn’t anywhere nearby!”
“The HELL you say you weren’t there! You’re ME, remember?!”
“Oh, yeah, I AM you!”
The fans are pleasantly delighted at the nonsense, a break from the more serious tone of the show thus far, and will surely return with the arrival of the next match.
“Yeah. Oh, and this makes for six and a half. I’d count it as seven, but I wouldn’t want that DICK to dry-gulch me when I wasn’t lookin’ again!”
“That guy, he’s a REAL asshole, huh?”
“He sure is, Johnny, he sure is. Anyway, back to you. Me. Us. I’ve already lost control of this interview. This is how it is to enter The Boneyard, folks, future guests take note! So, Johnny, may I call you Johnny?”
“Well, I’d much prefer The Johnimant Species, The Pre-Millennium Wrestler, King Shit on Fuck Mountain, The Man With Two Brains, The Omega-class Legendary Dervish, but if you HAVE to cut corners, yeah, I guess Johnny will do.”
“Oh, mis apologias, señor! So Johnny, tonight you’ll be going up against the NEW ACE Pacific-Southwest Champion Ricky Mo-”
“Hey, you shut the fuck UP about other territories, motherFUCKER!”
“But I’m just talkin’ ‘bout ACE!”
“Ah, then I can dig it. Go on.”
“Yeah, so, you’ll be getting into the ring with a relative newcomer to the sport, a guy who’s risen up the ranks wherever he’s stayed to roost. People are talking up a storm about this guy as if he’s the next big thing, but something’s a li’l OFF with Ricky Molaroni, ISN’T it?”
The fans issue a mixed reaction at the man’s name. Guest Johnny simply nods solemnly.
“Yeah… yeah… yea, there is. I mean, the Ricky Molaroni of LAST week, he was a pretty respectful guy, honour and hard work, ALL of that good shit. The Ricky Molaroni of THIS week, however…”
“Another DICK.”
“Another DICK. I mean, I can’t STAND it, can YOU stand it?”
“Can’t stand it, Johnny.”
“So you know what I’m gonna DO to the man I’ll henceforth refer to as pRicky?”
“Tell the fans what you’re gonna DO to pRicky, Johnny!”
“I’m gonna beat the sense BACK into his head! I’m gonna KEEP to my promise of no funny stuff, but my FUCK am I gonna make him KNOW he wrestled Johnny Bonecrusher! I don’t know what’s gotten into him as of late, and quite frankly, Mr. Bonecrusher, at this late hour into the game, I don’t care. Tonight, lightning doesn’t strike twice. I AIN’T losing again. Not to pRicky, not to ANYONE else! I’m GOIN’ to the Terrordome, and I’m GOIN’ all the way, and at the end of the night, the fans will be chanting JBC! JBC! JBC!”
Of which they in fact do right now!
“Because they’ll be chanting the name of the NEW NEW World Heavyweight Champion: Johnny Bonecrusher! Sorry, pRicky, but you’re just gonna have ta be happy with second best, ‘cuz The Johnny’s goin’ ALL the way!”
The fans roar at Johnny’s passionate words.
“Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Bonecrusher!”
Johnny raises his arms in the air, and the fans cheer some more.
“It was a pleasure to have you on my show, Johnny!”
“The pleasure’s all YOURS! HA!!!”
And with that, “I Hate My Generation” begins to play again, as Johnny rolls out of the ring, tagging fans’ hands here and there as he makes his way to the back.
“Let me… make ONE THING… PERFECTLY CLEAR!!!”
Those in the know chant along! Johnny chuckles.
“Five and a half episodes strong, but let’s go for SIX and a half, shall we? WELCOME… to The Boneyard!”
More cheering ensues.
“And IN The Boneyard, for those of you who aren’t aware, Yours Truly tends to bring someone out and ask them the TOUGH questions. For its debut appearance in New Edge Wrestling, RIGHT HERE, in CHIIIIII-TOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN!”
The cheap pop causes the desire effect with the crowd.
“...we have ourselves a VERY special guest INDEED! It’s a man I know all too well, a wonderful humanitarian, a beautiful mind, a Renaissance Man, all-around great guy, and, if I may say so, a handsome gent. Who am I talking about, you ask?”
The fans shout out demands for this question to be answered posthaste!
“Why, it’s none other than… ME!!!”
And so, the fans cheer, they’re confused, but they cheer! “I Hate My Generation” by Cracker begins to play for a bit, before Johnny pantomimes a slashed throat, which cues his theme being cut.
“Yeah, I’m already here. Anyway, Johnny Bonecrusher, welcome to The Boneyard!”
Johnny turns around whenever he responds to Johnny. Yeah, this will be complicated, so just try to keep up. Or not, I’m not your mom.
“Thank you, thank you for having me here.”
“I’m to believe that this is your first time entering The Boneyard, yes?”
“Uh… well… yeah. There’s been, there’s only been, like, five shows of this, hasn’t there?”
“Well, no, noooo, there was the LAST one in ACE, where we crashed Thaddeus Krowe’s show.”
“YOU crashed it’ I wasn’t anywhere nearby!”
“The HELL you say you weren’t there! You’re ME, remember?!”
“Oh, yeah, I AM you!”
The fans are pleasantly delighted at the nonsense, a break from the more serious tone of the show thus far, and will surely return with the arrival of the next match.
“Yeah. Oh, and this makes for six and a half. I’d count it as seven, but I wouldn’t want that DICK to dry-gulch me when I wasn’t lookin’ again!”
“That guy, he’s a REAL asshole, huh?”
“He sure is, Johnny, he sure is. Anyway, back to you. Me. Us. I’ve already lost control of this interview. This is how it is to enter The Boneyard, folks, future guests take note! So, Johnny, may I call you Johnny?”
“Well, I’d much prefer The Johnimant Species, The Pre-Millennium Wrestler, King Shit on Fuck Mountain, The Man With Two Brains, The Omega-class Legendary Dervish, but if you HAVE to cut corners, yeah, I guess Johnny will do.”
“Oh, mis apologias, señor! So Johnny, tonight you’ll be going up against the NEW ACE Pacific-Southwest Champion Ricky Mo-”
“Hey, you shut the fuck UP about other territories, motherFUCKER!”
“But I’m just talkin’ ‘bout ACE!”
“Ah, then I can dig it. Go on.”
“Yeah, so, you’ll be getting into the ring with a relative newcomer to the sport, a guy who’s risen up the ranks wherever he’s stayed to roost. People are talking up a storm about this guy as if he’s the next big thing, but something’s a li’l OFF with Ricky Molaroni, ISN’T it?”
The fans issue a mixed reaction at the man’s name. Guest Johnny simply nods solemnly.
“Yeah… yeah… yea, there is. I mean, the Ricky Molaroni of LAST week, he was a pretty respectful guy, honour and hard work, ALL of that good shit. The Ricky Molaroni of THIS week, however…”
“Another DICK.”
“Another DICK. I mean, I can’t STAND it, can YOU stand it?”
“Can’t stand it, Johnny.”
“So you know what I’m gonna DO to the man I’ll henceforth refer to as pRicky?”
“Tell the fans what you’re gonna DO to pRicky, Johnny!”
“I’m gonna beat the sense BACK into his head! I’m gonna KEEP to my promise of no funny stuff, but my FUCK am I gonna make him KNOW he wrestled Johnny Bonecrusher! I don’t know what’s gotten into him as of late, and quite frankly, Mr. Bonecrusher, at this late hour into the game, I don’t care. Tonight, lightning doesn’t strike twice. I AIN’T losing again. Not to pRicky, not to ANYONE else! I’m GOIN’ to the Terrordome, and I’m GOIN’ all the way, and at the end of the night, the fans will be chanting JBC! JBC! JBC!”
Of which they in fact do right now!
“Because they’ll be chanting the name of the NEW NEW World Heavyweight Champion: Johnny Bonecrusher! Sorry, pRicky, but you’re just gonna have ta be happy with second best, ‘cuz The Johnny’s goin’ ALL the way!”
The fans roar at Johnny’s passionate words.
“Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Bonecrusher!”
Johnny raises his arms in the air, and the fans cheer some more.
“It was a pleasure to have you on my show, Johnny!”
“The pleasure’s all YOURS! HA!!!”
And with that, “I Hate My Generation” begins to play again, as Johnny rolls out of the ring, tagging fans’ hands here and there as he makes his way to the back.