Post by Jesse Styles on Aug 3, 2019 17:21:57 GMT -6
"REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH!!"
The theme music of the co owner of New Edge Wrestling Alan Envy opens this weeks edition of Ignite as the ShowStealer walks out from backstage.
Jill Matthews: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to NEW Ignite and it seems we are kicking things off with the co owner of our little wrestling party we have here.
Vince Walters: Nice of our co owner to be here this week. Is he going to bail like last week and head to his fancy suite in Dallas like he did last week?
Jill Matthews: Absolutely not. This week Mr. Envy has a match against the upstart Dane Preston. Last week we saw Jesse Styles wrestle, this week the show stealer showcases his talents.
Envy waves to the crowd before putting the microphone to his lips.
Alan Envy: So before I get into this ring tonight and see how hot a commodity Dane Preston is, I have to play Alan Envy the corporate leader first, a role I do like….but it's not the role that is my favorite. However it's an important role for our potential investors.
The crowd boos as Envy understandably agrees.
Alan Envy: Yeah I know business business business….but you know….with this business if people would just grow up I wouldn't have to be out here as the co owner doing shit like this. So let's go ahead and get this out of the way shall we.
Envy loosens his shoulders up and continues.
Alan Envy: Now he isn't here yet but when he does get here Shane Sparx is going to be met by some backstage officials, and he's going to hand over the Youngblood championship that he didn't earn. Because it's like I have been saying a lot lately, this is a new New Edge Wrestling, now your actions personally that embarrass yourself and this company as you are contracted will reflect on the company as well, and besides….titles are won here not given or taken because they want them. I expect more out of a veteran like Shane Sparx, and Shane is lucky that I am even allowing him to compete for the Xcore title here tonight against Blair Buchannan.
The crowd gives a mixed reaction to Envy's announcement.
Jill Matthews: Finally, a corporate head that holds people accountable.
Vince Walters: But damn is Sparx entertaining as hell.
Alan continues as he starts walking around the ring.
Alan Envy: Shenanigans that reflect this company in a negative light will not be tolerated. Let that be a message to each and everyone one of you, new or returning talent, that actions like what Shane Sparx was involved in will not be accepted. This is also warning number one Shane. Do yourself a favor and don't let it get beyond that. Now….that the corporate Envy took care of corporate business. The ShowStealer is coming back later tonight to take care of in ring business. See you later Dane, it's time to see what you really got kid.
With that Envy drops the microphone amd exits the ring.
Vince Walters: Man when Shane Sparx gets here the shiot is gonna hit the fan motha trucka!!
Jill Matthews: It will be very interesting indeed.
Pepperoni Breath
We pan to the backstage area where Shane Sparx and Jarek Whitaker are piecing together a kid’s puzzle. Jarek is eating pepperonis straight out of the bag, and overthinking one particular piece so much that you can damn near see the smoke coming from his brain. Shane drops the piece currently in his hand and scoots his chair back away from the table slightly, folding his arms over his chest as he looks across at Jarek. Jarek is meticulously trying to force this one piece in that just won’t fit.
Shane Sparx ; “Is this your idea of relaxing and taking it easy before my big match tonight, man?! Is this how you help build your best friend’s confidence?! Working on a puzzle that not even YOU can comprehend?
Jarek Whitaker ; “It’s gonna go in! Just gotta work up to it.”
Shane rolls his eyes and literally face-slams into his side of the table voluntarily.
Jarek Whitaker ; “Wait! I got an idea! You got any lube in your duffle bag, hombre? I usually have the best luck with KY Warming for situations like this.”
Shane lifts his head back up, puzzle pieces falling from his forehead as some of them remain stuck.
Shane Sparx ; “It’s the wrong fucking piece, genius! Don’t you think that pepperoni grease all over your fingers would’ve helped coax the pieces in?!”
Jarek Whitaker ; “Dude, speaking of which.. I’m almost out! It’s pretty depressing. We might have to run to the grocery store before your match tonight to get more pepperonis. And maybe some cheese slices and wheat thins to go with them..”
Shane Sparx ; “You’ll be going without me, homie. I need to focus. Irregardless of the fact that Blair Buchannan is a whore, she could still somehow muster up a win against me tonight. Can’t take it lightly, man.”
Jarek Whitaker ; “You’ve got Blair’s number, man. Half the locker room does. And I’m sure they’ve all called her. And set up an appointment… And met at her place… And had a few drinks… and, and, and.. Discussed things on a professional level. Probably talked hobbies, what they like to eat the most, what makes them happy to wake up every morning, why “i can’t believe it’s not butter” would make a great name for an Alex Mack-horror movie mashup..”
Shane Sparx ; “...There’s gonna be a puddle of piss chasing everyone down?”
Jarek Whitaker ; “AND THEN THEY’RE GONNA SMASH!!!”
Shane Sparx ; “Oh right. I saw that coming. Ya just… threw me off referencing a 90’s Nickelodeon show while making your point..”
Jarek Whitaker ; “Remember Ren and Stimpy, homie?! That was my sh…”
Suddenly, someone BARGES into the locker room. Shane jumps up and flips the table over on impulse, unaware of what’s happening.
Jarek Whitaker ; “HEY! You messed up the puzzle! And my last few pepperonis are scattered all over the floor now!”
Jarek drops to all fours in an attempt to retrieve his pepperoni slices. 5 second rule! Meanwhile, Shane attends to the matter at hand.
Shane Sparx ; “Ah.. it’s just an NEW official. What’s up, man?!”
NEW Official ; “Hey, Shane. I’m not sure if you heard but Al Envy is REALLY throwing his power around tonight.”
Shane Sparx ; “Ah.. I’m sorry to hear that.”
The official starts walking further into the locker room, as Shane just throws his hands up and slowly follows behind.
Shane Sparx ; “So… what’s that got to do with me right now?! Ya can’t have my paycheck.. That shit’s already been cashed.. And about half of it when into a stripper’s asscrack earlier.”
Jarek Whitaker ; “FOUND THEM!!”
Jarek scoops up the pepperonis along with some puzzle pieces and starts shoveling them down his throat as if he’s truly starving.
NEW Official ; “You’re being deemed by Envy as unprofessional, and undeserving of a title. So you are….”
About this time, the NEW Official finds what he’s looking for - hanging right there beside the table! The NEW Youngblood Championship.
NEW Official ; “....being stripped of this. Al Envy’s orders, sir!”
Shane Sparx ; “NO! This is BULLSHIT, man! I’ve paid my dues for this. He can’t take that away from me!”
NEW Official ; “He’s not stripping you of your legacy, sir. Just this!”
Shane Sparx ; “Oh, I’ll show his ass unprofessional and undeserving!”
The official leaves with the title in tow, as Shane has officially been stripped of the NEW Youngblood Championship. He shakes his head and paces around with his hands on his hips.. as Jarek starts crawling around with a hand over his throat, choking.
Jarek Whitaker ; “I… swallowed… puzzle pieces…”
Shane Sparx ; “Cool story, bro. I have some shit to go take care of…”
Jarek Whitaker ; “SHANE!”
Jarek crawls over and uses Shane’s legs to pull himself up, as he is turning pale in the face.
Shane Sparx ; “Get off of me, ya boner! Now’s not the time!”
As soon as Jarek stands to his feet, he barfs ALL OVER Shane’s street clothes.
Shane Sparx ; “Yeah… thanks for that, asshole!”
Not caring about this as much as you’d figure he would, Shane just nonchalantly shoves Jarek over to the side and flees the locker room. The camera crew follows him around as for the second week in a row, he barges into Jesse Styles’ office.
Shane Sparx ; “BRO!”
Jesse Styles ; “Uhhhhhh… any other time I’d be yelling at you but this is comedic relief right now. You coming in meaning business with a freshly stained shirt and jigsaw pieces stuck to your head…”
Shane Sparx ; “Who cares about that?! Did you just see what took place, man?!”
Jesse squeezes his nose with his index finger and thumb, alluding to the fact that Shane reeks of serious ass right now from Jarek’s barf.
Shane Sparx ; “Envy just took my Youngblood title!”
Jesse Styles ; “Okay, chill. I knew some shit like this might happen. If I ever decide to bring that belt back from extinction at any point I’ll let ya know. BUT… you have an officially sanctioned match tonight against Blair for the X-Core title to think about. You win that tonight… and there’s absolutely nothing he can do.”
Shane lets out a huge sigh.
Shane Sparx ; “Man.. this is B.S. He really chose the WRONG guy to get off on the wrong foot with! This shit is far from over! If I have to take him on and destroy him myself.. I… WILL! I’m gonna go prepare for my match.. I’m all FIRED the fuck up now!”
Shane rushes out of Jesse’s office as the puzzle pieces finally release from Shane’s forehead. The camera pans in on Jesse who appears to be lost in thought. We cut away.