Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2013 7:21:13 GMT -6
New Edge Wrestling, huh? Been a while since that came up. Perhaps we could attribute this to how I parted with the company last time? Still, to this day, it left a bitter taste in my mouth. One you just could not get rid of. No form of mouthwash, no lingering taste of a woman’s anatomy to take it’s place. And believe you me, I tried! More than once!
Sparx and Whitaker; Guilty Pleasure. At one time, we ruled the roost. We were far more than a tag team. We were the heart and soul of that division. Hell, we were a fucking dynasty in the making! But no matter how indestructible an empire may seem, all it takes is a single brick to be misplaced or poorly crafted. That ‘brick’ being our egos. It caused Shane and I to resent each other. It caused us to hate who we had become and worst of all, it caused what was perhaps the greatest thing to happen to tag Wrestling since condoms happened to penis; It caused us to separate.
It was a steady decline from there. Vacate the tag titles, belts which we busted our asses to get in the first place. Our friendship deteriorates to the point where if you didn’t know us, it’d look like we hated each other. I get fed up with how things were going, flake out. Leaving behind what was GOING to be one of the fastest climbs to the top in NEW’s history.
Can’t say I blame Shane for what went down. Hell, since then, we’ve hashed it out. Our friendship rekindled in the process. Will he ever come back to NEW? Will Guilty Pleasure ever reunite? Who knows? Right now, I’ve got more important things to worry about. For starters, why I’m on the dance floor at some busy night club in Cincinnati...when there’s nothing but other dudes around?!
Totally comfortable with my sexuality and the sexual preferences of others, but seriously? This is a song designed to get women out here! So why the hell are there twenty six guys and one girl who looks sort of burly? Fuck, it probably is a guy! Know what? I’m outa’ here.
As I quickly make my way off the dance floor my ass gets swatted by one of the ‘many men’ that had been grooving to the music. No point getting into an altercation. It’s pretty obvious..I know I’m a sexy beast, so at the end of the day, a friendly pat on the ass is just flattery to me.
Finally, at the edge of the dance floor. There was a bar nearby with a few empty seats so I decided to commandeer one. The bartender approached. Her dirty blonde locks swaying with each stride. Her creamy jade eyes fixated on my ripped physique. Oh yeah, that's right...I know you want some of this, baby cakes.
She leaned in. "What can I get ya', babe?" To be honest, you can start by wrapping those luscious lips around the head of my penis. If not, then.. "Make it a Cranberry Vodka, light on the Cran." She gave me a smirk and walked off to meet my request. While I was waiting on my beverage, some random chit chatter caught my attention.
It was two men a ways down from me. One looked to be middle aged while the other was younger than me. Probably a rookie, fresh off the banana boat and into the bar scene. However, it was what they were discussing that really peaked my curiosity.
"No doubt the Lochness Monster is a trip, but..as far as local legends go..How much have you heard about 'Foreleg'?" The older guy asked the younger one, who seemed a bit puzzled. Just as I was. The fuck is a 'foreleg' supposed to be? "I've heard of it, but that's just an old wive's tale, right?" He responded to his elder. Meanwhile, the barkeep had now given me my drink as I slid her a twenty, motioning for her to keep the change. Yeah, sorry, honey. But the men are talking about some interesting shit so I'll have to woo you later on.
The senior stood from his seat and was now leaning against the bar. He finished what was left of his drink and following a belch, he began with.. "Foreleg.. an urban legend of an overweight black prostitute. She hunts down unsuspecting men, lures them into dark alleys. Offers them a blowjob at a price they can't possibly beat! Then..that's when things get a little ballsy." The younger lad and I were now standing just a couple feet from him. He set his glass on the bar as the keep was quick to pick it up. "She pulls out a penis that, according to legend, is twelve inches in length and six in width..and forces her victims to suck it."
Okay, what the hell? I'm not stupid. Black men are hung, I'll give the guy that..but black women don't own dicks. I'd know better than this tool bag. I've banged my fair share of 'sistas'...In fact, that's all I've banged. I know exactly what they're packing down there and it isn't sausage.
That's when a light bulb turned on in my head. I'd have to break out my Sherlock Holmes' skills and investigate this myself. After taking a sip from my Cranberry Vodka, a grin formed on my face. "So how do I find this.. 'Foreleg'?" You could hear a pin drop from the silence that followed. Yes, even though we're in a loud ass night club. Work with me here, would ya? Both men stared at me like I was dumb...or a closet homo. That's when the younger of the two responded. "What, are you in that much of a hurry to suck a massive dick?" They both laughed at my expense, but that's fine. That Foreleg thing wasn't going to get me, hell no!
Reaching into my back pocket, a black book was pulled from it along with a pen. It was where I had kept all my numbers. You know, talent agents, Shane, Spy Guy, the plethora of hot black women I'd had some fun with in various cities. I opened the cover, now looking at them. "So, let's say I am. What does Foreleg look like?" The older fellow, obviously more versed in Cincinnati lore, stroked his beard a few times. As if he were trying to recall. "Well, for starters.. I've heard it resembles big foot." Big foot..big foot.. Hmm...
Oh yeah, the Harry Henderson guy! Okay, so ugly and hairy.. "Okay, anything else?" I asked, while jotting down notes. He gave me a response shortly after. "Yeah, it also looks a bit like Kim Kardashian in the face." Hmm, which Kardashian was that again? They're all hideous but...OH, THAT'S IT!
Yes! The one with the big ole' badunka dunk. How could I forget an ass like that? "Last but not least, it has some manly features too. Something like a drag queen." Okay, so..Big foot? Check.. Kim Kardashian a.k.a. onion booty? Got it.. So if I combine those two with a drag queen it should look something like..
OH DISGUSTING! I quickly placed my hand over my mouth as the mental image of that...fucking awful looking..thing..combined with the Cranberry Vodka..well, it was going to come up one way or the other. I tried to hold my vomit in my mouth but there was simply too much. After shooting projectile spew clear over the bar, and soaking the gorgeous bartender in one fell swoop, two bouncers from the club walked over and each hooked one of my arms, escorting me out of the club. However, this didn't stop me from wanting to play a little detective.
After being tossed out, I stood on the sidewalk. Remnants of my puke still on my shirt and that funky taste still on my breath. After scanning the area a bit, my mind was made up. I'd go for a little stroll. Maybe think about my re-debut at Ignite a bit. Take in the sights that Cincinnati has to offer. Perhaps get my dick sucked by a tall, hairy transvestite prosti...wait, what?
"I have a big match to get prepared for..and I won't be able to concentrate on it until this mystery is solved!" Call it a weird coincidence, call it being at the right place at the right time, use whatever term makes you sleep better at night. Fact is, I may have just found what was described inside the club. Tall, hairy, manly, somewhat feminine, and downright fucking UGLY. Let's go poke it with a stick and see what happens, shall we?
Making a b-line through traffic and across the street, I was now a few feet from what could potentially be the legendary "Foreleg". It must have known my motives. Upon seeing me, and the body of a Greek God that this handsome mug of mine rested on, she...or he..or whatever the fuck that thing's supposed to be, was instantly drawn to me. "Hey, hot stuff..You looking for a good time, daddy?" Holy wow, that breath.. My nostrils were on fire, I say. But whatever, it was time to close this case!
After shooting her a devilish grin, I retorted with.."I'd love to..What's your going rate?" It brushed it's hair to the side as it caused something like a fucking snowstorm effect from all the dandruff on that nasty ass scalp. No, stomach..don't blow this for me now! "Well, I don't do sex...but I do give the best damn blowjob you'll ever get..and best of all, it's dirt cheap! Nearly free! What do ya' say, hot stuff?" Oh don't you worry about that, you fiendish she/he beast.. I'll give that throat of yours a test drive...WAIT! NO! BAD JAREK! I'm trying to be Robert Downey Jr. right now, not another helpless victim!
After purposely thinking about old women and baseball to shrink my penis back to it's original size, I gave her a nod. "Let's find somewhere a bit more...private." She winked as we were now holding hands. Damn her palms are sweaty.. anyway, we were rounding a corner and headed for a dark alley. Almost like the one that fat guy mentioned in the club a bit ago.
Things couldn't get any better for me. Shiny new contract with NEW, first match back in a while. One opponent I'm familiar with, the other not so much. Not to mention, I could hardly keep my peener in my pants..NO! DAMNIT! SHUT UP STUPID TRAIN OF THOUGHT!
All in honesty, I hadn't given my match much thought since arriving in Ohio. Which was grossly unfair to Kody Gordert and Towel Isheeda Kon. Hah, that guy. They just couldn't find their way onto my list of priorities. Hell, Kody was more of a threat to me than Tao was. Kody and I had a lot in common. Champions at one point. Relatively new faces, just at different stages of NEW. Each with a bright future here. Course', his would have to step aside and wait. Ignite was my return. It was my night. And I'd be damned if I let either one of them get the best of me.
Most people will look at me, years down the road, and they'll talk about how I liked to party. They'll talk about my taste in women. You know, that bigger and blacker is better. About how one half of Guilty Pleasure was a vagina monger while the other half thought Pokemon was actually real. And in their ignorance, they'll leave out one crucial detail. That there's much more to Jarek Whitaker than a good time. I get shit done inside the ring. My opponents would realize this soon enough, but for now.. It's time to get down to business, and that is..catching Foreleg red handed!
It and I were now in the alley as the she/he thingy shoved me up against a wall. Slowly removing my belt from it's hoops and tossing it on the ground. My pants would hit the ground next, though Foreleg yanked them off which caused my one eyed wonder weasel and it's two friends to bounce out and then flop upward. "You ready for this, babe?"
Okay, so it looks like I'm busted.. Maybe I was going to get my dick sucked by a transvestite hooker and who knows? Maybe I was going to enjoy it? "Do your worst, Foreleg..do your worst!" It's facial expression changed. Next thing I knew I was now on my knees, holding my package in severe pain and Foreleg was standing. Inches away from my face. The damned thing pulled out a dick that was no doubt, enormous. It started to edge closer and closer to my mouth as I cringed and sealed my eyes shut.
Please be a dream...please be a dream...PLEASE BE A FUCKING BAD DREAM! My lips were glued shut but I could feel the huge tip of it's head press against them. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Luckily camera guy quit rolling after this. Glad it was him filming my adventures in Cincinnati and not someone else, otherwise who knows how bad my reputation would have gotten screwed up?
If there's one thing to be learned from this experience, it was this..
Don't play detective unless you're smart. And me? Jarek Whitaker? I'm smart, but only with one of my heads.
-Fade
Sparx and Whitaker; Guilty Pleasure. At one time, we ruled the roost. We were far more than a tag team. We were the heart and soul of that division. Hell, we were a fucking dynasty in the making! But no matter how indestructible an empire may seem, all it takes is a single brick to be misplaced or poorly crafted. That ‘brick’ being our egos. It caused Shane and I to resent each other. It caused us to hate who we had become and worst of all, it caused what was perhaps the greatest thing to happen to tag Wrestling since condoms happened to penis; It caused us to separate.
It was a steady decline from there. Vacate the tag titles, belts which we busted our asses to get in the first place. Our friendship deteriorates to the point where if you didn’t know us, it’d look like we hated each other. I get fed up with how things were going, flake out. Leaving behind what was GOING to be one of the fastest climbs to the top in NEW’s history.
Can’t say I blame Shane for what went down. Hell, since then, we’ve hashed it out. Our friendship rekindled in the process. Will he ever come back to NEW? Will Guilty Pleasure ever reunite? Who knows? Right now, I’ve got more important things to worry about. For starters, why I’m on the dance floor at some busy night club in Cincinnati...when there’s nothing but other dudes around?!
Totally comfortable with my sexuality and the sexual preferences of others, but seriously? This is a song designed to get women out here! So why the hell are there twenty six guys and one girl who looks sort of burly? Fuck, it probably is a guy! Know what? I’m outa’ here.
As I quickly make my way off the dance floor my ass gets swatted by one of the ‘many men’ that had been grooving to the music. No point getting into an altercation. It’s pretty obvious..I know I’m a sexy beast, so at the end of the day, a friendly pat on the ass is just flattery to me.
Finally, at the edge of the dance floor. There was a bar nearby with a few empty seats so I decided to commandeer one. The bartender approached. Her dirty blonde locks swaying with each stride. Her creamy jade eyes fixated on my ripped physique. Oh yeah, that's right...I know you want some of this, baby cakes.
She leaned in. "What can I get ya', babe?" To be honest, you can start by wrapping those luscious lips around the head of my penis. If not, then.. "Make it a Cranberry Vodka, light on the Cran." She gave me a smirk and walked off to meet my request. While I was waiting on my beverage, some random chit chatter caught my attention.
It was two men a ways down from me. One looked to be middle aged while the other was younger than me. Probably a rookie, fresh off the banana boat and into the bar scene. However, it was what they were discussing that really peaked my curiosity.
"No doubt the Lochness Monster is a trip, but..as far as local legends go..How much have you heard about 'Foreleg'?" The older guy asked the younger one, who seemed a bit puzzled. Just as I was. The fuck is a 'foreleg' supposed to be? "I've heard of it, but that's just an old wive's tale, right?" He responded to his elder. Meanwhile, the barkeep had now given me my drink as I slid her a twenty, motioning for her to keep the change. Yeah, sorry, honey. But the men are talking about some interesting shit so I'll have to woo you later on.
The senior stood from his seat and was now leaning against the bar. He finished what was left of his drink and following a belch, he began with.. "Foreleg.. an urban legend of an overweight black prostitute. She hunts down unsuspecting men, lures them into dark alleys. Offers them a blowjob at a price they can't possibly beat! Then..that's when things get a little ballsy." The younger lad and I were now standing just a couple feet from him. He set his glass on the bar as the keep was quick to pick it up. "She pulls out a penis that, according to legend, is twelve inches in length and six in width..and forces her victims to suck it."
Okay, what the hell? I'm not stupid. Black men are hung, I'll give the guy that..but black women don't own dicks. I'd know better than this tool bag. I've banged my fair share of 'sistas'...In fact, that's all I've banged. I know exactly what they're packing down there and it isn't sausage.
That's when a light bulb turned on in my head. I'd have to break out my Sherlock Holmes' skills and investigate this myself. After taking a sip from my Cranberry Vodka, a grin formed on my face. "So how do I find this.. 'Foreleg'?" You could hear a pin drop from the silence that followed. Yes, even though we're in a loud ass night club. Work with me here, would ya? Both men stared at me like I was dumb...or a closet homo. That's when the younger of the two responded. "What, are you in that much of a hurry to suck a massive dick?" They both laughed at my expense, but that's fine. That Foreleg thing wasn't going to get me, hell no!
Reaching into my back pocket, a black book was pulled from it along with a pen. It was where I had kept all my numbers. You know, talent agents, Shane, Spy Guy, the plethora of hot black women I'd had some fun with in various cities. I opened the cover, now looking at them. "So, let's say I am. What does Foreleg look like?" The older fellow, obviously more versed in Cincinnati lore, stroked his beard a few times. As if he were trying to recall. "Well, for starters.. I've heard it resembles big foot." Big foot..big foot.. Hmm...
Oh yeah, the Harry Henderson guy! Okay, so ugly and hairy.. "Okay, anything else?" I asked, while jotting down notes. He gave me a response shortly after. "Yeah, it also looks a bit like Kim Kardashian in the face." Hmm, which Kardashian was that again? They're all hideous but...OH, THAT'S IT!
Yes! The one with the big ole' badunka dunk. How could I forget an ass like that? "Last but not least, it has some manly features too. Something like a drag queen." Okay, so..Big foot? Check.. Kim Kardashian a.k.a. onion booty? Got it.. So if I combine those two with a drag queen it should look something like..
OH DISGUSTING! I quickly placed my hand over my mouth as the mental image of that...fucking awful looking..thing..combined with the Cranberry Vodka..well, it was going to come up one way or the other. I tried to hold my vomit in my mouth but there was simply too much. After shooting projectile spew clear over the bar, and soaking the gorgeous bartender in one fell swoop, two bouncers from the club walked over and each hooked one of my arms, escorting me out of the club. However, this didn't stop me from wanting to play a little detective.
After being tossed out, I stood on the sidewalk. Remnants of my puke still on my shirt and that funky taste still on my breath. After scanning the area a bit, my mind was made up. I'd go for a little stroll. Maybe think about my re-debut at Ignite a bit. Take in the sights that Cincinnati has to offer. Perhaps get my dick sucked by a tall, hairy transvestite prosti...wait, what?
"I have a big match to get prepared for..and I won't be able to concentrate on it until this mystery is solved!" Call it a weird coincidence, call it being at the right place at the right time, use whatever term makes you sleep better at night. Fact is, I may have just found what was described inside the club. Tall, hairy, manly, somewhat feminine, and downright fucking UGLY. Let's go poke it with a stick and see what happens, shall we?
Making a b-line through traffic and across the street, I was now a few feet from what could potentially be the legendary "Foreleg". It must have known my motives. Upon seeing me, and the body of a Greek God that this handsome mug of mine rested on, she...or he..or whatever the fuck that thing's supposed to be, was instantly drawn to me. "Hey, hot stuff..You looking for a good time, daddy?" Holy wow, that breath.. My nostrils were on fire, I say. But whatever, it was time to close this case!
After shooting her a devilish grin, I retorted with.."I'd love to..What's your going rate?" It brushed it's hair to the side as it caused something like a fucking snowstorm effect from all the dandruff on that nasty ass scalp. No, stomach..don't blow this for me now! "Well, I don't do sex...but I do give the best damn blowjob you'll ever get..and best of all, it's dirt cheap! Nearly free! What do ya' say, hot stuff?" Oh don't you worry about that, you fiendish she/he beast.. I'll give that throat of yours a test drive...WAIT! NO! BAD JAREK! I'm trying to be Robert Downey Jr. right now, not another helpless victim!
After purposely thinking about old women and baseball to shrink my penis back to it's original size, I gave her a nod. "Let's find somewhere a bit more...private." She winked as we were now holding hands. Damn her palms are sweaty.. anyway, we were rounding a corner and headed for a dark alley. Almost like the one that fat guy mentioned in the club a bit ago.
Things couldn't get any better for me. Shiny new contract with NEW, first match back in a while. One opponent I'm familiar with, the other not so much. Not to mention, I could hardly keep my peener in my pants..NO! DAMNIT! SHUT UP STUPID TRAIN OF THOUGHT!
All in honesty, I hadn't given my match much thought since arriving in Ohio. Which was grossly unfair to Kody Gordert and Towel Isheeda Kon. Hah, that guy. They just couldn't find their way onto my list of priorities. Hell, Kody was more of a threat to me than Tao was. Kody and I had a lot in common. Champions at one point. Relatively new faces, just at different stages of NEW. Each with a bright future here. Course', his would have to step aside and wait. Ignite was my return. It was my night. And I'd be damned if I let either one of them get the best of me.
Most people will look at me, years down the road, and they'll talk about how I liked to party. They'll talk about my taste in women. You know, that bigger and blacker is better. About how one half of Guilty Pleasure was a vagina monger while the other half thought Pokemon was actually real. And in their ignorance, they'll leave out one crucial detail. That there's much more to Jarek Whitaker than a good time. I get shit done inside the ring. My opponents would realize this soon enough, but for now.. It's time to get down to business, and that is..catching Foreleg red handed!
It and I were now in the alley as the she/he thingy shoved me up against a wall. Slowly removing my belt from it's hoops and tossing it on the ground. My pants would hit the ground next, though Foreleg yanked them off which caused my one eyed wonder weasel and it's two friends to bounce out and then flop upward. "You ready for this, babe?"
Okay, so it looks like I'm busted.. Maybe I was going to get my dick sucked by a transvestite hooker and who knows? Maybe I was going to enjoy it? "Do your worst, Foreleg..do your worst!" It's facial expression changed. Next thing I knew I was now on my knees, holding my package in severe pain and Foreleg was standing. Inches away from my face. The damned thing pulled out a dick that was no doubt, enormous. It started to edge closer and closer to my mouth as I cringed and sealed my eyes shut.
Please be a dream...please be a dream...PLEASE BE A FUCKING BAD DREAM! My lips were glued shut but I could feel the huge tip of it's head press against them. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Luckily camera guy quit rolling after this. Glad it was him filming my adventures in Cincinnati and not someone else, otherwise who knows how bad my reputation would have gotten screwed up?
If there's one thing to be learned from this experience, it was this..
Don't play detective unless you're smart. And me? Jarek Whitaker? I'm smart, but only with one of my heads.
-Fade