Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2019 15:51:35 GMT -6
Time is a wondrous thing. It is constant, it is ever present, and it is fleeting. As we continue our individual paths in this life and march on to the next, time somehow seems to accelerate. As it seemingly begins to increase in speed the memories of our past seem to drift further and further back. We leave the memories further and further behind and our minds rear view mirror begins to allow us only the slightest glimpses of what we have left behind. This can come as bleak and depressing news to some, but not those who have learned perspective. To those who are awake and enlightened, the passing of time holds great rewards. This passing allows people to learn to experience to truly live. The passing of time also allows us the chance to actually become immortal in a sense. Taking the opportunity to leave this world better than we found it is a the key to spiritual immortality. A kind word, a loving gesture, a helping hand can insure that our actions and our spirit live forever in the hearts and minds of those that we have touched. We are all beings of limitless potential, we are all……..
Hold the fuck up, stuff those chakra beads in your high hole and explain to me what in the Tony Robbins, Dr. Phil lovechild bullshit you are on about? Who the fuck are you and who the fuck invited you? Nope nevermind, already over it, don’t care. I am not sure who told you that we were holding bodiless narrator auditions but we’re not. So kindly assume the downward dog position so I can kick your ass out the door and far enough away that I don’t have to hear your new age fuckhole anymore.
I mean damn, ya take a few seven years off and douche cannons from all over the void they can just walk in and start doing your job. I mean I tell people what is going on, who is doing it, how they look, and what kind of fucked up faces they are making while it all goes down. I mean sure, Bodiless narration ain’t Rocket Science, Brain Surgery, or making sense of a White House press release, but it’s my job and I ain’t got nothing better to do Besides it helps me pass the time between trying to figure out what happened to Rock and Roll and why in the actual fuck somebody is still letting Rob Zombie make movies. So let’s knock this fucking rust off and get on with it shall we.
Our scene opens at the Palatial Farm estate of The one and only Chip Shiller as he stands in a fairly well but casually decorated breakfast nook. Chip is holding a small plate with a small piece of cheesecake on it as he waves his fork towards the other individual in the room. That individual is none other than the former Cool Rifle himself, Tommy Kain. While Chip is speaking Tommy only manages to look down at his bottle of Kentucky Bourbon Barrell Craft Beer, his black and seemingly recent half bleached blonde hair hanging down and obscuring his face slightly.
Tom, listen to me, you are the closest thing to a brother I have ever had. So you know I will steer your boat to troubled waters. You also know that I have also never been anything but honest with you. So for corn’s sake Tom, you know I mean this with all due respect. But this has got to be by far the worst idea you have ever had. Now considering the flaming cow tipping tournament you tried to organize for the blind kid’s camp and your plan to brew beer with birth control and call it Plan B brew, that is saying quite an awful lot. But think about it bud. You haven’t stepped inside a wrasslin ring in seven years. No training, no physical contact that didn’t require wet naps, a shower, and possibly a strong VD medication, and definitely no cardiovascular activity that didn’t end in third degree carpet burns. By Odin’s beard Tom, you are drinking beer for breakfast. Have you any idea how much that business has changed in the last seven years. People are more athletic, more blood thirsty and that’s just the fans Tom. You need to recognize the fact that the wrasslin life has passed you by. You got a good thing going here. You are a milk professional now. Shucks Tom, you were the second best Milk Sales associate for three months running and just a hare’s breath away from first place. But I know you will get there. You almost have that little one bedroom deal you had your eye on, and the Prius man, that sweet Prius is just waiting for you to unplug it and sit behind the wheel as you drive and save the environment all in one motion.
You can’t blow that because NEW called you out of the blue for a cheap Nostalgia pop from the twelve fans who even remembered you ever called that place a home. And in a ladder match no less. Some silver briefcase is not worth spending the rest of your life in a wheelchair. Now I know that this is not the life you dreamed of all those years ago Tom, but even you have got to understand that getting something is better than wanting everything and having nothing.
TK allowed his head to slowly rise up and just stare across the room at the far wall. He brought both of his hands up to his head and ran them through his shoulder length hair. He let out a long frustrated sigh and drank up the last third of his bottle of Kentucky Bourbon Barrel beer.
Ya know Chip, you might be right. Hell man, there is a one hundred and forty two point two percent chance that you are absolutely right. Wrasslin has probably all but passed me on by. But since we are being honest with each other I wanna start by saying first, Flaming cow tipping for the blind had unlimited potential. But besides all that Chipster, I want you to understand something.
This ain’t my life.
This life is yours Chipperoo. The simple farm life, the smell of country air, tight blouse wearing, Minnesota Milk maids, okay, well those are probably good for everybody, but the rest of it man, just ain’t for me.
That squared circle is ingrained in my DNA. Now sure, I don’t understand how a circle can be squared anymore than I understand DNA but I know it is intertwined in mine. And you Chip Van Winkle, I know you have always been a good dude, I know you care about me and I know you are worried. But don’t be. Because let me ask you this, when have you known me not to have a plan?
Oh, you mean besides never with a side of never ever?
Okay, fair enough. But this time I do. This time I have a plan. You said it yourself Mint Chocolate Chip. I am the nostalgia draw. There is no pressure on me, I don’t have to go in there and win. So that being said, I can sit back, watch these young guns climb to impossible heights and fall until their bodies are broken beyond any reasonable repair. Then I can calm and gingerly climb one of those ladders, grab that Silver briefcase and become number one contender for PanAmerican Olympic title or whatever that thing is. But more importantly than all that, this deal is on a globally televised PPV Chip and Dale, and getting all those eyes on me, letting them see what they have been missing all these years. My Momoa like charm, my Rapier like wit, and my gritty toughness, they will be chomping at the bit to make me the new face of NEW. They won’t care whether or not I am going to become the new Tranny of Atlanta champion or the whatever.
I don’t think a better chance will come down the pipe for me than this man. I gotta take my shot. If it works, man, when I am the brand new NEW golden boy or Silver boy or the Transformers allspark champion, I will came back here and we will have a party big enough that the God’s will notice us again. Or at least give the local police something interesting to talk about for the next few months.
And with that Chip Shiller knew his friend’s mind was made up.
Now, with his bags packed and his 1972 Dodge Dart as road ready as it will get, Tommy Kain was heading to Ascension.
And a new adventure has begun.
Hold the fuck up, stuff those chakra beads in your high hole and explain to me what in the Tony Robbins, Dr. Phil lovechild bullshit you are on about? Who the fuck are you and who the fuck invited you? Nope nevermind, already over it, don’t care. I am not sure who told you that we were holding bodiless narrator auditions but we’re not. So kindly assume the downward dog position so I can kick your ass out the door and far enough away that I don’t have to hear your new age fuckhole anymore.
I mean damn, ya take a few seven years off and douche cannons from all over the void they can just walk in and start doing your job. I mean I tell people what is going on, who is doing it, how they look, and what kind of fucked up faces they are making while it all goes down. I mean sure, Bodiless narration ain’t Rocket Science, Brain Surgery, or making sense of a White House press release, but it’s my job and I ain’t got nothing better to do Besides it helps me pass the time between trying to figure out what happened to Rock and Roll and why in the actual fuck somebody is still letting Rob Zombie make movies. So let’s knock this fucking rust off and get on with it shall we.
Our scene opens at the Palatial Farm estate of The one and only Chip Shiller as he stands in a fairly well but casually decorated breakfast nook. Chip is holding a small plate with a small piece of cheesecake on it as he waves his fork towards the other individual in the room. That individual is none other than the former Cool Rifle himself, Tommy Kain. While Chip is speaking Tommy only manages to look down at his bottle of Kentucky Bourbon Barrell Craft Beer, his black and seemingly recent half bleached blonde hair hanging down and obscuring his face slightly.
Tom, listen to me, you are the closest thing to a brother I have ever had. So you know I will steer your boat to troubled waters. You also know that I have also never been anything but honest with you. So for corn’s sake Tom, you know I mean this with all due respect. But this has got to be by far the worst idea you have ever had. Now considering the flaming cow tipping tournament you tried to organize for the blind kid’s camp and your plan to brew beer with birth control and call it Plan B brew, that is saying quite an awful lot. But think about it bud. You haven’t stepped inside a wrasslin ring in seven years. No training, no physical contact that didn’t require wet naps, a shower, and possibly a strong VD medication, and definitely no cardiovascular activity that didn’t end in third degree carpet burns. By Odin’s beard Tom, you are drinking beer for breakfast. Have you any idea how much that business has changed in the last seven years. People are more athletic, more blood thirsty and that’s just the fans Tom. You need to recognize the fact that the wrasslin life has passed you by. You got a good thing going here. You are a milk professional now. Shucks Tom, you were the second best Milk Sales associate for three months running and just a hare’s breath away from first place. But I know you will get there. You almost have that little one bedroom deal you had your eye on, and the Prius man, that sweet Prius is just waiting for you to unplug it and sit behind the wheel as you drive and save the environment all in one motion.
You can’t blow that because NEW called you out of the blue for a cheap Nostalgia pop from the twelve fans who even remembered you ever called that place a home. And in a ladder match no less. Some silver briefcase is not worth spending the rest of your life in a wheelchair. Now I know that this is not the life you dreamed of all those years ago Tom, but even you have got to understand that getting something is better than wanting everything and having nothing.
TK allowed his head to slowly rise up and just stare across the room at the far wall. He brought both of his hands up to his head and ran them through his shoulder length hair. He let out a long frustrated sigh and drank up the last third of his bottle of Kentucky Bourbon Barrel beer.
Ya know Chip, you might be right. Hell man, there is a one hundred and forty two point two percent chance that you are absolutely right. Wrasslin has probably all but passed me on by. But since we are being honest with each other I wanna start by saying first, Flaming cow tipping for the blind had unlimited potential. But besides all that Chipster, I want you to understand something.
This ain’t my life.
This life is yours Chipperoo. The simple farm life, the smell of country air, tight blouse wearing, Minnesota Milk maids, okay, well those are probably good for everybody, but the rest of it man, just ain’t for me.
That squared circle is ingrained in my DNA. Now sure, I don’t understand how a circle can be squared anymore than I understand DNA but I know it is intertwined in mine. And you Chip Van Winkle, I know you have always been a good dude, I know you care about me and I know you are worried. But don’t be. Because let me ask you this, when have you known me not to have a plan?
Oh, you mean besides never with a side of never ever?
Okay, fair enough. But this time I do. This time I have a plan. You said it yourself Mint Chocolate Chip. I am the nostalgia draw. There is no pressure on me, I don’t have to go in there and win. So that being said, I can sit back, watch these young guns climb to impossible heights and fall until their bodies are broken beyond any reasonable repair. Then I can calm and gingerly climb one of those ladders, grab that Silver briefcase and become number one contender for PanAmerican Olympic title or whatever that thing is. But more importantly than all that, this deal is on a globally televised PPV Chip and Dale, and getting all those eyes on me, letting them see what they have been missing all these years. My Momoa like charm, my Rapier like wit, and my gritty toughness, they will be chomping at the bit to make me the new face of NEW. They won’t care whether or not I am going to become the new Tranny of Atlanta champion or the whatever.
I don’t think a better chance will come down the pipe for me than this man. I gotta take my shot. If it works, man, when I am the brand new NEW golden boy or Silver boy or the Transformers allspark champion, I will came back here and we will have a party big enough that the God’s will notice us again. Or at least give the local police something interesting to talk about for the next few months.
And with that Chip Shiller knew his friend’s mind was made up.
Now, with his bags packed and his 1972 Dodge Dart as road ready as it will get, Tommy Kain was heading to Ascension.
And a new adventure has begun.