Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2019 16:58:45 GMT -6
Dedicated to Jermaine, where ever you are... my GA-GA-GA GANG STAR!
(A lonely street corner. A drug dealer with no honour. A stoner and a bummer. That’s all you need to know. Oh – and a black guy is smoking some blow.
Let me introduce you to Shay McClure? Who and why should you care?
Well first some background - Shay McClure, also known as Gangsta Santa was one half of the Ga-Ga-Gang Stars. The baddest tag team around, they took over VOW and made their tag division go WOW. With a WHACK there and POW there, like Batman and Robin, the two time Twin City champions were a dangerous pair.
But that was then. When, his main man, Jermaine Brown was thugging around. He disappeared, never to be seen again.
Leaving Shay to pass the time by committing petty crimes.
Here he is exhaling a massive cloud of DOPE SMOKE. Boy does it irritate the passing crowd as it makes them choke - the same kind of sound as if they were sucking his BIG BLACK COCK.
In shock that they’ve seen a black man, they mutter that he’s a disgrace to the human race. Maybe it’s cause they’re posh or maybe it’s because he’s got his hands in their pockets stealing their dosh. Haha, they didn’t see, and now he’s counting a wad of money.
And here comes, the self-proclaimed, “Lord Saviour” - a white bearded robed man with a guitar in hand. Strum away, oh Lord Saviour and execute your special Gang Star comeback plan…)
Lord Saviour:
Oh, th're once wast a gang star
Who becameth a wrestler
That gent hath used to beest a Visionary,
But anon he’s a drug dealing misery,
Shay McClure:
Why you singing?
I ain’t drug dealing
Well I am, but no squealing.
Ye, ye, ye get me?
Lord Saviour:
Yes, I get thee!
(Shay McClure looks at him with suspicion – clearly unaware of his secret mission. He hides his cocaine packet in his back pocket. He looks around, spots an old man… aka a POTENTIAL WITNESS and POW! Decks him to the ground.)
Lord Saviour:
Thou art in denial
Thee've been on trial
For flashing a teen in the street
Shay McClure:
What you talking about Willis? She was eighteen and she was sweet.
Lord Saviour:
Sixteen. The lady wast sixteeeeeeeen. Obscene!
Shay McClure:
But still legal and she was a dream.
(Right on cue, a blonde school girl, still in uniform strolls past, she smiles at Shay. In return, he winks and slaps her ass.)
Lord Saviour:
Prithee don't, the lady's fifteen! Fifteen!
Shay McClure:
Bro – stop being mean. Sixteen. Always at least sixteen.
(The school girl blows a kiss as Shay follows bending down to look up her skirt, until he pulled up by the Lord Saviour.)
Lord Saviour:
A moment prithee!
Haven't you learnt from thee?
Didst Jermaine not flee?
For picking up boys from schools!
Shay McClure:
It’s cool. It’s cool, he was just offering drugs.
And beating up school bully thugs.
He ain’t no gay peado.
He is from the ghetto.
(For those wondering, in RSW, Shay’s tag team partner was accused of molesting. Due to the outrage, RSW had their contracts terminated. The Gang Stars were devastated. To make things worse, Jermaine was forced to go into hiding - after a mob threatened to give him a knuckle dusting.
Anyway, a Paper Boy rides he past, he throws a newspaper across the screen – Gang Stars terminated by RSW Shareholders….Shay shrugs his shoulders. )
Lord Saviour:
Alas, it’s all in the past.
But i guesseth t wasn’t easy having a fall
Especially, thou art six foot tall.
And anon he’s did get nothing better to do.
Shay McClure:
Yes I do, I’m gunna fuck her ass.
(Shay drops a shoulder and dodges past. Lord Saviour wryly smiles, as Shay pesters the juvenile.)
School Girl:
Ewwww… get away jerk.
Shay McClure:
Twerk, baby twerk. (Disco inferno!)
(But his plans hit a spanner in the works. As her angry parents pull up. Daddy is furious, he stomps out of the car and gets close up.)
Shay McClure:
Yo, what’s sup?
Daddy:
Stay away from my girl.
Shay McClure:
You fuck her?
Daddy:
NO! She's my daughteR!
Shay McClure:
Sweet! She’s pretty. Come on baby, give us a twirl.
(As Mummy cries and covers her eyes, Daddy gets real mad. He pushes Shay’s belly and well, that don’t go down well as all hell breaks loose and Shay trips him over, stomps in his face until Daddy begs for a truce.)
Daddy:
Please don’t hurt me.
Shay McClure:
On one condition – I take your daughters virginity.
Daddy:
Screw you! I’m gunna sue.
Shay McClure:
Sue who?
Daddy:
You!!! I’m gunna sue.
(Mummy composes herself, she gets out of the car and uses her a phone to film the Gang Star. Shay knows he's in deep shit, so he drops it and helps Daddy to his feet. He offers some Es keep them sweet but Mummy shakes her head.)
Shay McClure:
Or you can have some blow?
Mummy:
No! Remember – just say no, like Zammo.
(She rummages in her bag and pulls out a badge that says, "Just say no" as Shay lights a spliff and has a puff of blow!)
Daddy:
NO!!!
Shay McCume:
Fuck you! You’ve got no bullet proof vest! And I’ve got ammo!
(Shay flicks his spliff away does a gun gesture with his hand but his plan backfires as his threat only draws more ire!)
Mummy:
We’re going to make you pay.
Shay McClure:
No way!
Lord Saviour:
Aye way. Thee needeth to pay.
Daddy:
Pay us eight grand or we’ll call the police.
Shay McClure:
The police? Shit… please.
That’s really whack.
I’m black.
They’ll shoot me for having a stiffy.
(Shay glances at the schoolgirl as the wind blows up her skirt. He looks down, he has a giant bulge, his massive dong ready to squirt!)
Shay McClure:
I don’t have that kind of money.
Why don’t it make up to Mummy!
(Shay drops his jeans. In shock, Mummy screams! He pulls them back up but the zip gets stuck!)
Mummy:
Get away! Get away!
Shay McClure:
Okay! Okay! I’ll pay.
But how do I find eight grand?
I can’t wrestle - I’m banned.
(As Daddy comforts Mummy, the Lord Saviour picks up the newspaper. He points to an advert, New Edge Wrestling is HIRING.)
Shay McClure:
But it won’t be the same without Jermaine.
Lord Saviour:
Looks liketh thee don’t has't nay choice.
I’m sure New Edge shall anon rejoice!
Hallelujah!
That’s wherefore I’m the Lord saviour.
I shalt giveth then eight grand,
But only if 't be true thee taketh mine own hand,
And cometh to the did promise land!
Shay McClure:
I see, good idea!
One, two…THREEE!
To da Gangsta Mobile!
Let’s take the wheels,
Lord Saviour:
But new offices art down the road,
In fact they’re on this postcode?
We’ll beest heading further away
Shalt we just walketh Young Shay?
Shay McClure:
NO! I SAID TAKE DA GANSTA MOBILE!
The journey gotta be worth its while!
Lord Saviour:
Fine to thee Gansta Mobile!
(Lord Savior follows Shay as he races down the street, faster than a one-hundred-meter athlete. Lord Saviour gasps for air and braces himself by saying a prayer as Shay points to a knackered sports car… with the words “Gang Stars” written on the bonnet.”)
Lord Saviour:
Prithee Lord, don’t maketh this mine own lasteth sonnet!
Shay McClure
This is gunna be so sweet!
(Lord Saviour jumps in, praying the journey will be forgiving as Shay revs the engine and fiddles with the radio. The radio begins to roar… It’s now time for… Gang Star theme tune galore!)
Da da da! Da da da! Dat man! GANG STARS! GANG STARS! GANG STARS!
POW! WOW!
Da da da! Da da da! GANG STARS!
POW! WOW!
Da da da! Da da da! GANG STARS!
(Before the mobile is about to go, Shay mutes the radio)
Shay McClure:
It just ain't the same,
Without Jermaine!
But still - ho ho ho!
Gangsta Santa is back bro!
(THUMP! SCHREECH! A body flies through the air and DUMP! Hits the concrete with a thud as Mummy screams. Daddy faints as blood streams - the School Girl queen has been hit!)
Shay McClure:
Shit!
Mummy:
You hit my daughter you evil bastard!
Shay McClure:
Shut up screaming!
Wait, are you filming!
Bet ya weren’t expecting that!
Your daughter just went splat!
(Mummy struggles to dial as Shay McClure smirks proper vile!)
Mummy:
Help me! My hands are shaking
Shay McClure:
Haha you're quaking!
Lord Saviour:
Giveth here, I’ll help thee dial
(Mummy hands Lord Saviour the mobile but Shay turns even more hostile. He revs the engine and drives away.)
Shay McClure:
Ha ha she thought she gunna make me pay.
Running her daughter over has made my day
Time to delete the videos,
Shit! Look at that, you’re a family of hos!
(Shay McClure is engrossed in the family nudes. Lord Saviour is pissed, he sits arms crossed with an attitude.)
Lords Saviour:
We very much shouldst phoneth for holp!
Shay McClure:
Ha ha! You funny! Ssshhh, can you hear them yelp!
Like a dog. Haha! Cheer up - miserable sod!
(The Gang Stars arrive down the road to New Edge Headquarters. As the enter the premises, they walk past a wrestling reporter!)
Reporter:
Hey I know you!
Shay McClure:
Yes, you do!
Reporter:
You’re O. J. Simpson’s son!
Shay McClure:
Run!
(Shay raises his fist to the racist reporter. He legs it down the street, so fast, he trips over Mummy’s knocked down daughter! Shay laughs at the commotion as the police turn up as the reporter struggles to get up in slow motion. A policeman pounces on him and cuffs him for questioning. Mummy tries to explain things but the policeman ain’t listening. That will teach the reporter for messing with the Ga-ga-GANG STARS!)
Lord Savior:
Thee tooketh things too far!
Shay McClure:
Hahar!
(As they head inside and reach the escalator, the Lord Saviour draws back and stops in his tracks.)
Lord Saviour:
There's no needeth for me,
This is thy destiny
Thy appointment is at three,
Just don’t doth aught silly,
Shay McClure:
Haha, you still with me?
Lord Saviour:
Take care Young Shay,
And maketh those NEW fools pay
Shay McClure:
In a bit mush!
(As Shay heads up the escalator in a rush. Lord Saviour waits a short while and turns to the camera and smiles.)
Lord Saviour:
Thee may beest speculating who is't i am,
But the knowledge isn’t w'rth a gram,
Mine own timeth hast hath passed,
It’s mine cater cousin’s timeth at last!
10 minutes later
(Jesse shakes Shay’s hand and squeezes it to check if he’s an man, Shay smiles and takes a seat.)
Shay McClure:
Man this place is sweet!
Jesse Styles:
So Shay, tell me about your wrestling experience?
Shay McClure:
Haha I ain’t mysterious!
I am famous!
I’ll tell you straight up – I ain’t no phoney.
I already beat up NEW pussies
Who fucked up Rayne Draven-Omega and Reya Serra?
That was me, I even touched their vaginas,
Who went toe to toe with Shane Sparx and Seth Iser?
That was me. And...and... I even touched Cera’s pussy!
(Shay smirks with defiance as Jesse grimaces, regretting agreeing to give Shay a chance)
Jesse Styles:
Okay...
Shay McClure:
Yes way. Bro, I’ll make them pay.
Jesse Styles:
Rayne Draven-Omega and Reya Serra
Shay McClure:
Don’t forget Cera!
And her sweet, sweet vagina!
Jesse Styles:
They’re yesterday’s news
Shay McClure:
So what? I’ll give you YouTube views?
Jesse Styles:
Are you trying to make everything rhyme?
Shay McClure:
Is it a crime?
This is MY TIME,
I’ve committed a lot of crimes,
I’ve stolen every dime,
And robbed from the blind.
I ain’t scared of nobody,
I’ll fuck up everybody!
(Jesse sighs as Shay notices a picture frame of a black haired woman on Jesse’s desk, Shay blows a kiss towards it in jest.)
Shay McClure:
She looks like one wild cat.
Who is that?
Please tell me she’s a wrestler?
Please tell me you ain’t her father!
Jesse Styles:
I’m not but she is a wrestler!
Shay McClure:
Sweet! I wanna pulverise her!
I want to pull her panties down!
Spin her around!
And let me dong drop down!
Jesse Styles:
She’s my WIFE!!!
Shay McClure:
Haha! I guess that’s life.
Jesse Styles:
Right, I’m putting you in the ladder match for the Silver Briefcase.
Now, please, get the hell out of my office!
And don’t try and finish my sentence with a rhyme!
Shay McClure:
Haha, I won’t take any more of your time!
I’ll make those entrants pay,
Oh and by the way!
You rhymed briefcase with office!
Sort of. Respect bro!
And say hello from me to your ho!
Ho ho ho!
Tell her Gangsta Santa said hello!
Ye, ye, ye get me?
(Jesse face palms as Shay McClure offers to shake his hand. Jesse rejects his hand as Shay steps back and flexes his pecs, ready for the comeback match! He checks his watch, in twenty-four hours, he’ll be climbing a ladder and making Jesse madder!
Cause Shay is straight up Ga-Ga-GANG STARRR!)