Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2019 16:59:31 GMT -6
Grief.
Some things you just can’t fully mentally prepare for. There isn’t a number of mental dry runs you can put yourself through to get ready for some things in life. It’s always going to catch you somewhat by surprise. You can try your best to soften the blow, but the weight of it will still catch you off guard.
I’m used to dealing with grief. You can say I’ve been conditioned to do so. An adolescence of repeated abuse of the verbal, emotional, and especially physical varieties have toughened me up and helped me bounce back in moments of grief, but of late it just seems to be overwhelming. Time after time, instance after instance, misery and defeat are what the day brings.
I need a break.
You might be like, “Hey Bobby, you haven’t wrestled in years? What do you mean you need a break? Your entire existence has been a break!” And you’d be wrong. Those times in the ring. Those days in the glory...those were the easiest moments of my life. Yes, I worked and trained hard and went through grueling matches and physical feats, but that life was easy. I had a purpose. I had an end goal, a reason to wake up in the morning. Since wrestling ended for me, I didn’t have that. I had the bottle and I had time. Lots of time. Time to sit and stew and think and regret.
Lots of regrets.
I did a lot of shitty things to a lot of people. Things that are constantly coming back to haunt me. I would burn a bridge as fast as it was built if it would put me ahead in either of my careers. I didn’t care about the consequences others felt for my actions. If I ended up ahead, that was the plan. That plan got me to be the highest paid male in porn. That plan got me to be the World Champion of New Edge Wrestling. Now don’t ask me which I had to suck more dicks to get, because the totals are pretty close… Anyway, I was out for me and me alone. And while you’re living fast and free, that’s a fun fucking way to be. But when the glory stops and you have some time on your hands...that’s when you start having to pay the piper for your prior sins. The things you try to forget seem to find their way to the light when you don’t have shit to do. Not all of them, but some of them. You can’t escape them all. Seth Iser was a wrong I’d honestly put past me long ago. I hadn’t thought of it in forever. I just wanted to officially put an end to my wrestling career, to say goodbye to the fans who had been good to me when I honestly didn’t deserve it sometimes. And boom, Seth Iser had to make it about himself. He had to take my moment away from me. He couldn’t let me end things my way. But we’ll talk more about that big, dumb piece of shit later.
What were we talking about before?
Oh yeah…
Grief.
We open in a suburban cemetery. There is a hearse parked on the small road that winds along the burial grounds and about 20 cheap white folding chairs lined up in rows, with several people seated in them. There is a podium where a minister is giving a eulogy. Seated in the front row is Bobby Backdoor, wearing a disheveled suit, appearing to be the same one he wore at what was supposed to be his farewell appearance in New Edge Wrestling. Bobby is wearing his trademark sunglasses, but tears are seen seeping out from underneath the lenses and running down his face. Next to the minister is a coffin and a large framed picture.
A framed picture of Cameraman Dan.
Cameraman Dan, Bobby’s loyal sidekick in all of his New Edge Wrestling adventures. Cameraman Dan, who took the brunt of the punishment in almost every situation. Cameraman Dan, who would never hurt a fly. This is his funeral. The minister wraps up his eulogy and motions toward Bobby.
“And to wrap up our ceremony, the best friend of the deceased, Mr Bobby Backdoor, would like to say a few words about the impact Daniel has had on his life.”
Bobby stood and gingerly walked to the podium, feeling every bit of the beating given to him by Seth Iser on Ignite just two weeks ago. Bobby gets in front of the small crowd and begins to speak.
“I never thought this day would come,” Bobby said, choking on almost every word. “I loved him so damn much! Not in a sexual way. The poor guy couldn’t handle all of this, but as a friend. He was my right hand, well and my left hand when my right hand was busy with other things if you know what I’m saying…”
The minister glared at Bobby disapprovingly and the comment got an audible groan from the crowd but one very homeless looking man in the front row yelled “Hell yeah!”
“Sorry about that,” Bobby said. “Get your shit together man. Your best friend is dead,” he whispered to himself. “Anyway, I thank you all for gathering here today to pay respects to the true unsung hero of my wrestling career. I don’t think I could have gotten half of what I got accomplished without the undying loyalty and support of Cameraman Dan. He was sent by New Edge Wrestling to follow me around and catch some clips to show on some shitty DVDs they’d sell, ‘A Day in the Life of Bobby Backdoor’ and I kind of abducted him and turned him into my personal assistant. We went through some real shit, and I’m sure going to miss my friend…”
Bobby starts to openly sob and we see a black SUV pull up behind the hearse. Out of the SUV we see a crew of people with New Edge Wrestling shirts emerge. One grabs a camera and they make their way toward the funeral. Bobby sees them and immediately is outraged.
“How FUCKING DARE YOU disrespect the funeral of my best friend by bringing a goddamn camera crew here?! I haven’t even had a match yet and you are already invading my personal space!”
The cameraman drops the camera from his shoulder as he sees the framed photo and realizes whose funeral it is.
“WHAT THE FUCK, BOBBY?!” belts the bewildered Cameraman Dan.
“Uh…you’re not dead?” Bobby asks with surprise.
“Of course I’m not fucking dead!” Dan screams. “Why in the fuck would you think I’m dead?!”
“I hadn’t talked with you in so long, Dan” Bobby exclaimed. “When I went to Ignite you weren’t there and I just ya know, assumed you were dead.”
“So you don’t see me at one wrestling show and you assume I’m fucking dead?!” yells Dan.
“Yeah, pretty much…” Bobby said. “You weren’t there at my retirement ceremony and you always were there for me in NEW. And I hadn’t spoken to you in YEARS so you being dead is a pretty logical assumption to make, I feel.”
“Bobby, I sent you a Christmas card every year! For fucks sake, we’re Facebook friends! I’ve sent you messages all the time and you never return them! I haven’t seen you in years because, until you just show up at NEW Ignite to have a farewell, nobody had seen you in years! Nobody knew where you were!,” Dan exclaimed.
“Solid points you’re making there, Dan-o,” chuckled Bobby. “Whoops. Guess we’ll just have to move past this and get on with it...so what’s the game plan for Iser?”
“Move past it?” Dan asks. “We don’t just get to move past this! You held a funeral for me, and I am very much alive! Also, I don’t know any of these people!”
“Really?” Bobby asks. “They’re all here for your funeral, so clearly they know you…”
“That guy looks homeless!” Dan exclaimed. “And so does that guy...and that guy… Bobby, did you pay a bunch of homeless people to come to my funeral?”
“I would never!” Bobby exclaimed, acting offended.
“Hey, you said I was gonna get 12 bucks and a blowjob for coming to this shit!” one of the homeless guys yelled.
“I said 12 dollars OR a blowjob, Earl you greedy fuck!” Bobby yelled. “This is the problem with our homeless. Take take take.”
“What the fuck!” Dan yelled.
“Listen man, we can dwell in the past and focus on this whole funeral thing or we can move on and focus on Seth Iser. That big dumb fuck about tore my arm off the other day and now I apparently have to wrestle him, because that’s how the world works I guess. One day you are retiring and the next day you’re fighting an old dumb hillbilly mountain retard at a pay per view.”
“Actually Seth Iser is very smart…” Dan starts to say before immediately being cut off by Bobby.
“I mean, look at the nerve of this guy. He acts like I wronged him. I owe him like 50 bucks or something like that.” Bobby chuckled.
“You owe him 6 figures, Bobby” Cameraman Dan exclaims. “Not 50 bucks…”
“So I owe him 6 bucks?” Bobby asks. :”That’s even worse. I’m paying this dude twice that much to be at this funeral!”
“6 figures means over one hundred thousand dollars, dumbass,” says Dan. “And you said 12 bucks or a blowjob? You’re only charging people twelve dollars for blowjobs now, Bobby? Jesus Christ man, what happened to you?”
“The blowjob market is a tricky thing, man. I’ll tell you what, this Trump guy says he’s done a lot for our economy but the ‘street treat’ market has really taken a dive. I’ll vote for the first guy who promises I can get $200 to let a guy take a dump on my chest again. The industry as really bottomed out.”
“What the fuck, Bobby?” Dan exclaimed. “And where the fuck have you been?”
Bobby looked at Dan, very somber.
“Dan, that is a story for another day. For now, you gotta help me train for Seth Iser. I haven’t wrestled for years and I’m going into this thing with one damn arm. We need to hit the gym, and now!”
Bobby starts to walk toward Dan’s SUV, when the homeless guy yells out.
“Hey, wait! Where do I cash in that blow job you owe me?!”
Bobby looks at Dan.
“Hey Dan, you ever sucked a dick?” Bobby asked
“What the fuck, man. Hell no I haven’t ever sucked a dick!” Dan responded.
“Well life is all about new experiences. Have fun!” Bobby yelled, getting into the back of Dan’s SUV.
“What the fuck, man!” yelled Dan as Bobby had the driver speed off.
The homeless guy approaches Dan, who moves backward.
“Don’t even think about it!” yelled Dan. “And who the fuck is this in this casket?”
End Scene
Seth Iser, you petty ass bitch. You’re still holding a grudge over money from like ten years ago? That’s a lifetime in this business. The wrestling business. Everyone knows everybody money in this business. If I was off fighting every failed wrestling promoter who still owed me money, I’d be busy for the rest of my life. Get over it, man. It’s money. I get it. You have a family to feed. Blah blah boo hoo. Get a second job. That’s what I did. I was a wrestler and a porno star. I’ve been fucked in both.
I still have so many people who owe me money. I’ve accepted the fact that I’ll never see that money and you need to accept that from me. I was part owner of PWE. It was a failed business venture. I’m not paying your contract when the company fizzled. Aint gonna happen. I never got paid royalties on a lot of my pornos. Companies would fold. It happens. Do you think I’m still sitting by the mailbox waiting for the check to come in from “Butts, Nuts, and Struts?” Hell no. Turns out a porno made strictly for gay dudes who love working on cars wasn’t the best idea. So I’m not getting that cash promised to me. I pick myself up and find money elsewhere.
Because that’s what men do. Quit being a bitch.
And as far as retirement goes, I guess that’s off.
NEW, Bobby Backdoor is coming in.
Hard.
Some things you just can’t fully mentally prepare for. There isn’t a number of mental dry runs you can put yourself through to get ready for some things in life. It’s always going to catch you somewhat by surprise. You can try your best to soften the blow, but the weight of it will still catch you off guard.
I’m used to dealing with grief. You can say I’ve been conditioned to do so. An adolescence of repeated abuse of the verbal, emotional, and especially physical varieties have toughened me up and helped me bounce back in moments of grief, but of late it just seems to be overwhelming. Time after time, instance after instance, misery and defeat are what the day brings.
I need a break.
You might be like, “Hey Bobby, you haven’t wrestled in years? What do you mean you need a break? Your entire existence has been a break!” And you’d be wrong. Those times in the ring. Those days in the glory...those were the easiest moments of my life. Yes, I worked and trained hard and went through grueling matches and physical feats, but that life was easy. I had a purpose. I had an end goal, a reason to wake up in the morning. Since wrestling ended for me, I didn’t have that. I had the bottle and I had time. Lots of time. Time to sit and stew and think and regret.
Lots of regrets.
I did a lot of shitty things to a lot of people. Things that are constantly coming back to haunt me. I would burn a bridge as fast as it was built if it would put me ahead in either of my careers. I didn’t care about the consequences others felt for my actions. If I ended up ahead, that was the plan. That plan got me to be the highest paid male in porn. That plan got me to be the World Champion of New Edge Wrestling. Now don’t ask me which I had to suck more dicks to get, because the totals are pretty close… Anyway, I was out for me and me alone. And while you’re living fast and free, that’s a fun fucking way to be. But when the glory stops and you have some time on your hands...that’s when you start having to pay the piper for your prior sins. The things you try to forget seem to find their way to the light when you don’t have shit to do. Not all of them, but some of them. You can’t escape them all. Seth Iser was a wrong I’d honestly put past me long ago. I hadn’t thought of it in forever. I just wanted to officially put an end to my wrestling career, to say goodbye to the fans who had been good to me when I honestly didn’t deserve it sometimes. And boom, Seth Iser had to make it about himself. He had to take my moment away from me. He couldn’t let me end things my way. But we’ll talk more about that big, dumb piece of shit later.
What were we talking about before?
Oh yeah…
Grief.
We open in a suburban cemetery. There is a hearse parked on the small road that winds along the burial grounds and about 20 cheap white folding chairs lined up in rows, with several people seated in them. There is a podium where a minister is giving a eulogy. Seated in the front row is Bobby Backdoor, wearing a disheveled suit, appearing to be the same one he wore at what was supposed to be his farewell appearance in New Edge Wrestling. Bobby is wearing his trademark sunglasses, but tears are seen seeping out from underneath the lenses and running down his face. Next to the minister is a coffin and a large framed picture.
A framed picture of Cameraman Dan.
Cameraman Dan, Bobby’s loyal sidekick in all of his New Edge Wrestling adventures. Cameraman Dan, who took the brunt of the punishment in almost every situation. Cameraman Dan, who would never hurt a fly. This is his funeral. The minister wraps up his eulogy and motions toward Bobby.
“And to wrap up our ceremony, the best friend of the deceased, Mr Bobby Backdoor, would like to say a few words about the impact Daniel has had on his life.”
Bobby stood and gingerly walked to the podium, feeling every bit of the beating given to him by Seth Iser on Ignite just two weeks ago. Bobby gets in front of the small crowd and begins to speak.
“I never thought this day would come,” Bobby said, choking on almost every word. “I loved him so damn much! Not in a sexual way. The poor guy couldn’t handle all of this, but as a friend. He was my right hand, well and my left hand when my right hand was busy with other things if you know what I’m saying…”
The minister glared at Bobby disapprovingly and the comment got an audible groan from the crowd but one very homeless looking man in the front row yelled “Hell yeah!”
“Sorry about that,” Bobby said. “Get your shit together man. Your best friend is dead,” he whispered to himself. “Anyway, I thank you all for gathering here today to pay respects to the true unsung hero of my wrestling career. I don’t think I could have gotten half of what I got accomplished without the undying loyalty and support of Cameraman Dan. He was sent by New Edge Wrestling to follow me around and catch some clips to show on some shitty DVDs they’d sell, ‘A Day in the Life of Bobby Backdoor’ and I kind of abducted him and turned him into my personal assistant. We went through some real shit, and I’m sure going to miss my friend…”
Bobby starts to openly sob and we see a black SUV pull up behind the hearse. Out of the SUV we see a crew of people with New Edge Wrestling shirts emerge. One grabs a camera and they make their way toward the funeral. Bobby sees them and immediately is outraged.
“How FUCKING DARE YOU disrespect the funeral of my best friend by bringing a goddamn camera crew here?! I haven’t even had a match yet and you are already invading my personal space!”
The cameraman drops the camera from his shoulder as he sees the framed photo and realizes whose funeral it is.
“WHAT THE FUCK, BOBBY?!” belts the bewildered Cameraman Dan.
“Uh…you’re not dead?” Bobby asks with surprise.
“Of course I’m not fucking dead!” Dan screams. “Why in the fuck would you think I’m dead?!”
“I hadn’t talked with you in so long, Dan” Bobby exclaimed. “When I went to Ignite you weren’t there and I just ya know, assumed you were dead.”
“So you don’t see me at one wrestling show and you assume I’m fucking dead?!” yells Dan.
“Yeah, pretty much…” Bobby said. “You weren’t there at my retirement ceremony and you always were there for me in NEW. And I hadn’t spoken to you in YEARS so you being dead is a pretty logical assumption to make, I feel.”
“Bobby, I sent you a Christmas card every year! For fucks sake, we’re Facebook friends! I’ve sent you messages all the time and you never return them! I haven’t seen you in years because, until you just show up at NEW Ignite to have a farewell, nobody had seen you in years! Nobody knew where you were!,” Dan exclaimed.
“Solid points you’re making there, Dan-o,” chuckled Bobby. “Whoops. Guess we’ll just have to move past this and get on with it...so what’s the game plan for Iser?”
“Move past it?” Dan asks. “We don’t just get to move past this! You held a funeral for me, and I am very much alive! Also, I don’t know any of these people!”
“Really?” Bobby asks. “They’re all here for your funeral, so clearly they know you…”
“That guy looks homeless!” Dan exclaimed. “And so does that guy...and that guy… Bobby, did you pay a bunch of homeless people to come to my funeral?”
“I would never!” Bobby exclaimed, acting offended.
“Hey, you said I was gonna get 12 bucks and a blowjob for coming to this shit!” one of the homeless guys yelled.
“I said 12 dollars OR a blowjob, Earl you greedy fuck!” Bobby yelled. “This is the problem with our homeless. Take take take.”
“What the fuck!” Dan yelled.
“Listen man, we can dwell in the past and focus on this whole funeral thing or we can move on and focus on Seth Iser. That big dumb fuck about tore my arm off the other day and now I apparently have to wrestle him, because that’s how the world works I guess. One day you are retiring and the next day you’re fighting an old dumb hillbilly mountain retard at a pay per view.”
“Actually Seth Iser is very smart…” Dan starts to say before immediately being cut off by Bobby.
“I mean, look at the nerve of this guy. He acts like I wronged him. I owe him like 50 bucks or something like that.” Bobby chuckled.
“You owe him 6 figures, Bobby” Cameraman Dan exclaims. “Not 50 bucks…”
“So I owe him 6 bucks?” Bobby asks. :”That’s even worse. I’m paying this dude twice that much to be at this funeral!”
“6 figures means over one hundred thousand dollars, dumbass,” says Dan. “And you said 12 bucks or a blowjob? You’re only charging people twelve dollars for blowjobs now, Bobby? Jesus Christ man, what happened to you?”
“The blowjob market is a tricky thing, man. I’ll tell you what, this Trump guy says he’s done a lot for our economy but the ‘street treat’ market has really taken a dive. I’ll vote for the first guy who promises I can get $200 to let a guy take a dump on my chest again. The industry as really bottomed out.”
“What the fuck, Bobby?” Dan exclaimed. “And where the fuck have you been?”
Bobby looked at Dan, very somber.
“Dan, that is a story for another day. For now, you gotta help me train for Seth Iser. I haven’t wrestled for years and I’m going into this thing with one damn arm. We need to hit the gym, and now!”
Bobby starts to walk toward Dan’s SUV, when the homeless guy yells out.
“Hey, wait! Where do I cash in that blow job you owe me?!”
Bobby looks at Dan.
“Hey Dan, you ever sucked a dick?” Bobby asked
“What the fuck, man. Hell no I haven’t ever sucked a dick!” Dan responded.
“Well life is all about new experiences. Have fun!” Bobby yelled, getting into the back of Dan’s SUV.
“What the fuck, man!” yelled Dan as Bobby had the driver speed off.
The homeless guy approaches Dan, who moves backward.
“Don’t even think about it!” yelled Dan. “And who the fuck is this in this casket?”
End Scene
Seth Iser, you petty ass bitch. You’re still holding a grudge over money from like ten years ago? That’s a lifetime in this business. The wrestling business. Everyone knows everybody money in this business. If I was off fighting every failed wrestling promoter who still owed me money, I’d be busy for the rest of my life. Get over it, man. It’s money. I get it. You have a family to feed. Blah blah boo hoo. Get a second job. That’s what I did. I was a wrestler and a porno star. I’ve been fucked in both.
I still have so many people who owe me money. I’ve accepted the fact that I’ll never see that money and you need to accept that from me. I was part owner of PWE. It was a failed business venture. I’m not paying your contract when the company fizzled. Aint gonna happen. I never got paid royalties on a lot of my pornos. Companies would fold. It happens. Do you think I’m still sitting by the mailbox waiting for the check to come in from “Butts, Nuts, and Struts?” Hell no. Turns out a porno made strictly for gay dudes who love working on cars wasn’t the best idea. So I’m not getting that cash promised to me. I pick myself up and find money elsewhere.
Because that’s what men do. Quit being a bitch.
And as far as retirement goes, I guess that’s off.
NEW, Bobby Backdoor is coming in.
Hard.