Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2019 20:32:20 GMT -6
(I’m posting this for Johnny he’s having trouble logging into proboards)
Voice: So what’s the big deal about today? What have the two of you cooked up for the lovely patron’s of Sin City? Because I gotta tell ya…I’m looking at these numbers here and well it just absolutely baffles me that New Edge Wrestling still is not signed to a major television network! These numbers are astronomical! Did you guys really sell out in less than eight minutes? I mean JESUS H. CHRIST if that is indeed true then that means NEW is such a hot ticket that even when Selene Dion and Brittney Spears didn’t sell out that fast when it was announced that they were going to be performing full time in Vegas!
Scene opens as the voice leads us along as images of the busy streets of Sin City. We see the construction sight we saw at the tail end of the Blair Buchannan promo and we see a construction crew working tirelessly as they are backing in what looks like a row of photo booths. We see crowds of people standing around watching them work as now that this construction project is starting to look complete there are definitely a good number of people who are interested to see what this is all about exactly.
Scene then switches to one of the most luxurious suites in all of Las Vegas on the top floor of Creaser’s Palace Hotel Resort and Casino in Las Vegas. We see an alarm clock that reads 4:19 a.m. as we see Blair shoot up in bed with the black silk sheet barley covering her breasts, as she appears alarmed as if she just woke from a bad dream. She looks to her right to see that her husband was not lying where she left him when she closed her eyes two hours ago. Her eyes then finally spot him as he is standing outside on the balcony of their room looking out into Sin City and the construction taking place below, enjoying an early morning wake and bake as we can see the sun slowly start to fight it’s way through the darkness as it begins its ascension to the top of the sky.
Scene switches to a few moments later, Blair has put on a black silk robe and joined her husband on the balcony, as she hands him a cup of coffee taking the glass pipe from him, as she wiggles her way into his arms as she hits the pipe and exhales the smoke as she looks at the bridge construction and then looks up at Johnny who looks down at her and smirks as she kisses him on the cheek.
Scene then switches to where the voices are coming from as we find ourselves INSTUDIO with none other than Broadcast ICON HOWARD STERN! Johnny and Blair are sitting next to each other on the red leather couch in Howard’s instudio interview area. Blair is wearing An oversized black Defiance: Above The Law hoodie, black fishnets, sparkly silver crystal stoned stilettos and a silver diamond tiara, while The DoN oF Di$Re$PeCT is wearing a brand new DEFIANCE T-shirt that just has the words ABOVE THE LAW written in flames. And a pair of black and white stripped pants. His blue hair is spiked up, and his thick rimmed RAY BAN sunglasses are hanging at the bottom of his nose so we are able to see his bloodshot baby blues bring a certain life to his trademark arrogant smirk that is plastered across his face, as Howard Stern continues his interview.
Howard Stern: Iffffff you are just now joining us…I’m here in studio right now with two very close personal friends of mine and the show…I honestly don’t even know how to introduce the two of you anymore? I mean this crap was easy two years ago when Johnny was retired pro wrestler now owner of one of the biggest porn sites in the World, and Blair same thing only Reality TV personality and owner of 3rd biggest modeling company in the United States and 4th biggest on the entire planet!
Blair Buchannan: 2nd HOWARD!
Howard Stern: Ohh is it 2nd now?...Where US or all over?
Blair Buchannan: United States…But we’ve been 2nd for a long time now, sounds like you need to fire your fact checker?
Howard Stern: What you want me to fire Google right now on the air?...OK FINE! Google, you heard the lady YOUR FRICKEN FIRED! Tell em Robin!
Robin: Ohhh NO! Don’t you get me involved with this…Next thing we know Google will take it personally and well I just don’t want that bad juju!
LA Johnny Stylez: AHHHH come on ROBIN! Where is YOUR DEFIANT spirit huh?...This is the kinda crap we have to stand up against!
Robin: OK, well I’m ok with all of that…But can’t we just maybe Write Google up, or give them a stern warning maybe suspend them? Do we have to fire them?
Howard Stern: ROBIN! Come on baby! I mean this is a pretty acreages error! I mean if Google were to get wrong some facts about these two clowns Blair and Johnny are facing Sunday night live in Las Vegas then a simple warning would suffice…But we are literally talking about two of the biggest stars in the world at this point! Johnny owns most of BRAZZERS and now half of the hottest pro wrestling ticket on the planet! Blair meanwhile apparently has been on quite the hot streak since returning to the ring and still finds time to shoot her very successful Reality television show which I heard just got picked up for two more seasons…So congrats on that honey!
Blair Buchannan: Thank you Howard!
Howard Stern: Ohh you’re welcome baby! Hey so I don’t know what you two crazy kids are into…But Johnny if you guys are into the OPEN MARRIAGE THING…Let me tell ya man, I don’t think there is anything I would enjoy more than a GO with that little Minx you are sitting next to over there! What do ya think?
Blair Buchannan: Ohh that’s very sweet of you Howard, but I’m afraid its utterly out of the question!
LA Johnny Stylez: Howard…Man YOU ARE PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT MAN! But I’m sorry homie, I gotta tell you to PHUCK YOURSELF on that ONE MY DUDE! I am not very good at sharing my shit to begin with…Her?...NO DICE! NOT EVER! But hey, like I said I do run the biggest porn site in the world…and well as you very well know I have never ever refused to make an introduction for my good friends on the Howard Stern show!
Howard Stern: I see what you are doing Johnny! And I gotta hand it to you man…I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to accept a consolation prize before in my life! But hey there are worse things going on in the world right now I suppose!
Robin Quivers: Ohh HOWARD leave these two poor kids alone!
Howard Stern: What? You never know what people are into these days Robin?...It was worth a shot believe me…Look at her! Isn’t she gorgeous?
Robin Quivers: Ohh absolutely! It goes without saying, she is very good looking! They both are! They look great together!
Howard Stern: They do don’t they?...I was just thinking that! Blair baby you aren’t offended by my saying I would absolutely love the opportunity to dissatisfy you sexually do you?
Blair Buchannan: NEVER! Not from you Howard…That and well this may sound a little arrogant, but I am used to it at this point, especially in the business I am in!
Howard Stern: Yeah modeling fricken sucks doesn’t it?
Everyone laughs as Blair shakes her head and brushes a strand of her hair that has fallen over her eye as she responds.
Blair Buchannan: No silly, I’m talking about the RASSLIN business! You sure do come across more than your fair share of creepers as we travel from one town to the other every week!
Robin Quivers: Are you talking about the fans or the actual wrestlers themselves?
LA Johnny Stylez/Blair: BOTH!!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Howard have you ever seen that phucking PHUCK SOCK this one almost wound up with Roger Wright?...The person who’s ass I am going to stomp into the ground in a few weeks to make me officially an eight time NEW World Heavyweight CHAMPION!
Howard Stern: Yeah I’ve seen this joker before…I’m actually looking at a picture of him right now! Man you are right! This guy most definitely looks like a friggin SPLOOGE SOCK if I’ve ever seen one! But who is this little vixen he is with in all of these facebook photos with? She looks quite fetching herself!
Blair Buchannan: That would be Anicka “Easier Than SUNDAY MORNING” Swan! The most recent self absorbed, jealous, cunt who wishes she was me!
Howard Stern: Hold on, I am listening to a little bit of this promo that was posted onto NEWEDGEWRESTLING.proboards.com is this chick really referring to herself in the third person?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah, as a matter of fact she is! Kinda off putting isn’t it?
Howard Stern: A little yeah!
Artie: If by a little you mean TOTALLY! THEN YEAH! I mean who is she Deion Sanders?
Blair Buchannan: Hardly…She’s not even Deion’s favorite groupie! She’s just the head cheerleader for this group of bitter bitches who have all of a sudden resurfaced and infested in our wrestling company!
Howard Stern: Resurfaced?...What do you mean resurfaced?
LA Johnny Stylez: Basically what she means Howard is that we know most of these cats from wayyyyy back in the gap! I’m talking like when BB and I were cutting our teeth in this industry! Right before my career took off, and right before B just straight up took off!
Robin Quivers: Ohh are you referring to the infamous POST IT incident?
LA Johnny Stylez: THE VERY ONE!
Blair Buchannan: Ohh come on! How long are you gunna hold me on trial for that one? I’ve already said I was sorry a million times!
LA Johnny Stylez: And I’d say you are still about two million sorry’s short!
Howard Stern: Gotta side with my boy Johnny on this one BB, sorry! You broke the guys heart with a POST-IT note! That’s just as shitty getting a text message saying your Granny is dead or something! SO wait…Is this the same Roger Wright you were with the last time you were on the show?
Robin Quivers: Yes you nimcompoop! She has a kid with him and everything!
LA Johnny Stylez: HAD!
Robin Quivers: Had?
Blair Buchannan: Yeah it’s complicated! I really don’t like talking about it too much if you don’t mind!
Howard Stern: That’s not really a problem! Because I wanna know how you ever got together with such a vanilla squirt like this guy here! Are you telling me this guy is the one who right now represents NEW as it’s Champion? As your absolute best? What were you busy that night or something?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah as a matter of fact I was! But don’t worry Roger’s most recent title reign has an expiration date and he knows it just as well as anyone else who is paying attention to us in any capacity!
Howard Stern: I guess what I’m most perplexed by is how in the hell he was able to land both the beautiful and uber talented Blair Buchannan and this girl in these pictures! She looks a little too wild for him! His…You know must be huge!
Blair Buchannan: Honestly if you wanna know Howard it’s not the smallest one Ive ever seen, but it’s nothing I’d call impressive either! I mean it’s definitely not as big as he thinks it is…And he definitely doesn’t use it as well as he thinks he does either!
LA Johnny Stylez: But basically Howard that cunt in those pictures is one of those chicks who has a hard on for
!!!!F’N DOUCHE BAGZ!!!!!
…THE DOUCHIER THE BETTER ACTUALLY!!!
And well given that is her M.O. I guess Roger is the perfect guy for her! Because you can search far and phucking wide my friend and the only way you are going to find anyone douchier than Roger all you need to do is
Blair Buchannan: Look in the background of any picture of Roger Wright!
Howard Stern: I beg your pardon?
Blair Buchannan: What picture do you have pulled up there?
Howard Stern: Uhhh, looks like it is after NEW’s last pay per view…I see the ASCENSION banners hanging in the background. I see him holding Johnny’s belt and I definitely see her looking like she is going to bust out of her ring gear at any moment! And….
LA Johnny Stylez: See that PHUCKMOOK holding Roger’s bags with that look on his face like he is wishing Roger’s balls were somewhere in or around his mouth!
Howard Stern: OHHH THERE HE IS…NOW I SEE HIM! Holy crap Robin get a load of this guy! Boy if he doesn’t look like someone you’d expect to knock on your door to inform you he is a registered sex offender!
Blair Buchannan: OHH my gawd Shane is the creepiest bastard in the entire world! But Roger can’t pick out his underwear without him!
Robin Quivers: Are you sure Roger and this Shane aren’t…You know?
LA Johnny Stylez: LOVERS?
Robin Quivers: Yes, I mean I guess?
Blair Buchannan: No they aren’t lovers! But it wouldn’t shock me if TMZ pops on one day breaking news that it has been leaked that at one point or another they at least gave it a try!
Howard Stern: You can’t be serious! You are just saying that because they are your opponents this week and obviously bitter rivals of the both of you!
LA Johnny Stylez: I mean I can see where many people, dip shit Roger Wright included…But Blair is right Roger straight up NEEDS that phuckin DOUCHE CANOE to remind him to breathe out of his nostrils for Christ’s sake! A few years back I won my second NEW World title from Roger Wright by taking that moron out of the picture and it worked like a charm!
Howard Stern: Ohh yeah what’d you do? Break his jaw so he couldn’t talk?
LA Johnny Stylez: Nah, I introduced him to his second love…A little friend known as HEROINE!
Howard Stern: Ohh he liked to chase the dragon did he?
LA Johnny Stylez: LIKE Tom chased JERRY, Howard!
Blair Buchannan: But you know what was really interesting about that particular match? A lot of people credit XXX for destroying the career of the “great Roger Wright” but the truth is, and anyone who doubts me can go back and look it up for themselves…But it was Johnny removing Shane from Roger’s side permanently and that particular title defeat that sent Roger into a downward spiral that he almost didn’t recover from! And when I tell you this dude fell, he FUCKING FELLLL! Like face plant at the OSCARS FELL!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah the phuckin chump was running his COCKSUCKER as usual this past week trying to paint a picture of his and my rivalry, which I’m here to set the record straight on that one Howard…Because first and foremost whatever it is between Roger and I one thing it is ABSOLUTLEY NOT IS A
!!!!GoT DAMN RIVALRY!!!!
RIVALRLY IMPLIES THAT THE WIN LOSS RECORD IS EVEN!!!
Which it one hundred and ten percent is not! Because after he defended the NEW title against me after he won the first TerrorDome…Roger Wright has failed to pin my shoulders to the mat
!!!!EVERY SINGLE TIME SINCE!!!!
IN OTHER WORDS I’VE OWNED HIS STUPID ASS!!!
He tried to spit some lame statistic of his record against me in World Title matches, which OK…I’ll bite, but there is a saying in our line of work that says…You are ONLY AS GOOD AS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN THE RING…and the last time…Shit the last six or seven times I was in the ring with that phucking
!!!!!M.O.R.O.N.!!!!!
I BEAT HIM LIKE HE STOLE SOMETHING!!!!
To put it into perspective even further, Roger Wright hasn’t beaten me since we left the pro wrestling community NEW belonged to when I first joined the company a little under a decade ago!
Howard Stern: And let me guess, he conveniently neglected to mention that in this little promo of his from a few days ago?
Blair Buchannan: That sounds like Roger! I mean look I’ll be honest deep down Roger is a good man and an even better father…But as far as this business is concerned he just isn’t cut out for it! Which is why I think he has fallen so hard for that gutter slut Anicka Swan! Because deep down Roger knows he isn’t good enough, and well these new people come along and they like most people in our line of work don’t like Johnny, and so naturally he was there to give them the grand tour! As a matter of fact
LA Johnny Stylez: SHE WHOOPED HIS PHUCKING ASS OUR FIRST NIGHT BACK!
Howard Stern: Ohh yeah baby Ill bet she did!
LA Johnny Stylez: Boy DID SHE!
Artie: Man this guy Roger doesn’t not like our man JOHNNY, like at all!
Howard Stern: Ohh yeah, you giving this promo a listen over there Artie?
Artire: Actually yeah, he is saying that Johnny wants all of the things he has yadda yadda…His women, his title blab la…
LA Johnny Stylez: Howard you mind if I take a sec and set the record straight on that one?
Howard Stern: Please BY ALL MEANS!
LA Johnny Stylez: OK…Roger…Incase you are listening to this and I know that you are…Let’s get one thing straight right here and right now asshole! See that is just like Roger only telling half the story, because yes currently some of the things in his possession I want very badly…But that is because
!!!!THEY WERE MINE TO BEGIN WITH!!!!
…YA PHUCKING DOUCHE BAG!!!
Who put NEW on the map…ME! That World Heavyweight Championship is the symbol of greatness it is because I showed up in NEW a long ass time ago, ripped it from that phuck mook curtain jerking asshat Avalanche and ever since then has been the symbol of greatness in our IN-DuS-TREE! Sure Roger’s title reign helped that a great deal as well…But after that ended…It was me who carried the company forward! And as far as Blair goes…She’s been mine since
!!!!HiGH SCHOOL!!!!!
…WHICH GET OUT A CALCULATOR AND DO THE MATH DUMMY!!
NEW is MINE! I actually own 50% of it! You are not the standard bearer…It has always been me that set the bar! You have to rise to the occasion to beat me! Not the other way around! Because everyone and their mama knows I can beat you! I did it so much in the past some people think I took it up as a
!!!!F’N HoBBy!!!!
SO DIG UP YOUR TOTAL WIN PERCENTAGE NEXT TIME PUSSY!!!!
Cause only telling half the story, is basically lying! And Roger Wright is lying to himself…To that six dollar prostitute he goes to sleep with every night, his kids, his momma, his daddy, the entire town of Webberville Texas, and every and any asshat that has ever bought a ticket to see New Edge Wrestling if he thinks he stands a CHANCE IN HELL AGAINST ME AT COLD FRONT! And the both of them have their heads so far up each other’s asses they phucking
!!!!!WoNT EVeN SEE IT CoMiN!!!!!
…AND THEY WON’T KNOW WHAT THE PHUCK HIT EM!!!!
…And Mr. Stern you can phuckin quote me on that!
Artie: Howard, man I dunno I don’t think you should take any time out of your day to watch this little Roger Wright promo?
Robin Quivers: That bad huh?
Artie: YEAH, ACTUALLY! At first I wasn’t sure I was watching the right thing…At first I feel like I was about to be watching some pretty dirty SKINAMAX porn…and then a few minutes later I’m like nah it’s just a lame episode of the GILMORE GIRLS!
EVERYONE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Howard Stern: So you maybe now we can get down to a little business, because the both of you did swing by today because you have something you want to plug am I right?
Robin Quivers: Oh DEAR LORD!
Artie: And he doesn’t mean Anicka’s asshole either JOHNNY!
Howard Stern: WOAHHHHHHHHHHH….Artie what the hell was that all about?
Artie: Sorry I immediately clicked on this Anicka chick’s promo and I’m not going to lie she is kinda sexy, in a cheap hooker sort of way! But she says that our man Johnny here has had a hard on for her…FOREVER!
LA Johnny Stylez: Now, hold the phuck on a second! That shit aint fair!
Blair Buchannan: Babe, you mind if I get this one?
Howard Stern: Lets hear her out Johnny! She might be able to put it better than you can, in my experience a little outside perspective can only help these particular circumstances!
LA Johnny Stylez: What there is a self absorbed sex crazed CUNT, who doesn’t know the difference between a recruitment speech and a line? The whore pretending to be the housewife?
Howard Stern: Wow that sounds like a bad cW show!
LA Johnny Stylez: It comes off that way too BELIEVE YOU ME THERE BUD!
Blair Buchannan: Ahhhhemmmmmmmm!
Howard/Johnny: SORRY!
Blair Buchannan: I already pretty much covered this one, but let me tell you about this bitch real quick! Sure she is all into Roger right now, because it’s new and fun and exciting especially since Johnny went out of his way to get her back in the ring again. But one day and probably soon that new exciting aspect of it is going to wear off, and she is going to see him for the needy, insecure, morally bankrupt, lost puppy that he is! Especially after my man takes his Title belt and his dignity away from him! Roger has no idea who he has gotten into bed with! Those people he has chosen to align himself with are practically cannibals! A bunch of self destructive, arrogant assholes who get drunk drinking their own kool-aid! Only if they were half as good as they insist that they were then we’d probably be wrestling for one of the promotions they built up, but managed to destroy within three months most of the time! And besides her coming out and telling everyone that my husband begged her to come here and this and that he wants her always has BLA BLA! I’m sure that was true once upon a time…But take a look here sweetie, if he wanted a thing like you, he could go get one of his BRAZZERS girls…Hell he could have ten yous if he wanted, because trashy sluts like you are a dime a freakin dozen! Me I am a unique genuine one of a kind! A big sparkling eye stealing diamond, and you are just loose gravel! Don’t flatter yourself sweetie I don’t exactly get it, but Johnny has even told me on several occasions how talented he thinks you are and how you could help boost ratings and help get NEW back to where it needs to be…And to a degree he was right…But that’s where it began and that’s where it ends as well! So Ron Burgundy, next time you want to report the news maybe try a better headline better than…JOHNNY STYLEZ WANTS TALENTED PEOPLE TO FILL OUT HIS PRO WRESTLING COMPANY’S ROSTER…I MEAN DUH!!!! She makes me fricken sick Howard!
Howard Stern: WOAH!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah she’s great isn’t she?
Howard Stern: That’s putting it plainly there Johnny BOY!
LA Johnny Stylez: The only thing B didn’t really touch on as far as that subject is concerned that I would like to, is that just like her lame dick boyfriend Roger Wright, Anicka told the truth…just not all of it! You see there were bits and pieces she conveniently left out to not make herself look the way she actually comes off…Because despite what my BaBy just said I have to disagree I don’t think Anicka Swan deserves to be lumped in any category with
!!!!!RoN GoT DaMN BuRGuNDy!!!!!
EVEN IF SHE IS AS CLASSY AS SAN DIEGO (WHICH OF COURSE MEANZ A WHALEZ VAGINA)
Which at this point it wouldn’t shock me in the least if that’s what that used car parking lot she calls her snatch looks like at this point! Because the fact is, yes I asked her to work with me in another wrestling promotion because we had a common enemy…And well the only thing that kept us from forming a functioning productive unit I took care of…Because you see Howard, also there is her tag team partner a walking bag of BITCH known as Jenna Riggs-Preston, and when we arrived on the scene these fisher price dickheads spoke down to us like they were superior to us and ever since then we individually took turns putting these simple bitches in their place one by one…And well I figured we could accomplish more if we combined our efforts, but of course Anicka mistook that for me wanting to sleep with her, despite the fact that not once…Let me say that one more time
!!!!NOT ONE FRIGGIN TIME!!!!!
DID I PROPOSITION HER FOR SEX!!!
And yeah sure maybe I had interest back in the gap and maybe for five minutes upon her return…But trust me I have been fortunate enough in my life to where I don’t have a very long list of regrets, but I promise you, I know deep down had she lowered her draw bridge for me that would have most definitely probably found it’s way
!!!!TO THE TOP OF THAT GOT DAMN LIST!!!!
…NOW GET THE PHUCK ON YA SILLY BITCH WIT YA BIG OLE WOLF PUSSY!!!!
Because at the end of the day Anicka Swan is a classless cunt who is no different from that walking tampon her tag team partner is married to! Because another part of the truth that Anicka left out is that despite the people she devotes herself to, if it weren’t for LA Johnny Stylez she would still be sitting around the Wolf Compound knitting Kal X Wolf’s knickers while he regails her of stories about their not so glorious past and legacy that no one but them recalls because those phucking MORONS destroyed wrestling promotions like some mother phuckers change their underwear! Not Vin, not Kal, Not Damon, not Dane…Not Roger knew Anicka’s passion and love of being in the ring and in the spot light…No one but me knew she needed the ring almost as bad as I thought the ring needed her…And as far as Action Wrestling is concerned, well I’m sure if you ask him he will tell you he left on his own accord but anyone with a lick of sense knew I sent Anicka’s tag team partner’s husband running out of Action Wrestling like a
!!!!F’N WHIPPED BITCH!!!!
…NO JOHNNY PLEASE DON’T…OUCH! JOHNNY PLEASE STOP BEATING ME UP..WHA WHA WHA!!!!
I swear to GAWD I have unfortunately been in a nursery where there were 15 babies crying at once…and they still can’t even hold a candle to that vaginal maggot known to the rest of the world as
!!!!DANE PRESTON!!!!!
BUT THAT’S THE COMPANY SHE KEEPS BC SHE AINT NO DIFFERENT FROM THEM!!!
Because the way I see it Howard is that she wont be that difficult to forget about and move on from because well if the entire populous of pro wrestling fans can some how manage to not only forget the name Anicka Swan, but also Damon Riggs, Vincent Black, Kal X Wolf, Josh Manhunt, then I should be able to no problem., because well most pro wrestling fans are idiots but they remember some of the craziest shit, but when Swan and her ASSBAG sidekicks came back to the ring, the crowd honestly didn’t know how to react because they had no phucking clue who they were? And ya know I think about these things and I can’t help but
!!!!!JUST LAUGH AT THEM TWO IGNORANT IMBECILEZ!!!!!
BeCauSE THEY SPEAK WITH SUCH CONVICTION IT’S LIKE THEY ACTUALLY BELIEVE THEIR OWN BULLSHIT!
And ya know Howard that is truly why I love this profession more than any profession in the entire world. Yeah financing and filming people fuck is a good a time as a fella can have…But what I really love! What really makes me feel alive and like my life has meaning…Is when I find an ignorant mother phucker like Roger Wright…Who has his head shoved soooo far up his own ass that he can’t tell the difference between
!!!!HIS FARTZ and IDEAZ!!!!
WHICH ULTIMATLEY THEREZ NO REAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO ANYWAY BUT I DIGRESS!!!
I love it when I find someone like Roger who has brain phucked any particular situation to twist it to fit whatever point he wants to make…And he believes it so much he is willing to put it all on the line and fight me tooth and nail over it…And then there is that moment in that ring. When all the noise of the sold out crowd…All of those faceless countless voices goes away. You can’t see them or hear them…For just a brief moment it is just Roger Wright, LA Johnny Stylez and the mother phucking
~{$}~ T.R.U.T.H. ~{$}~
…AND WHEN I GRAB A HANDFUL OF HIS HAIR ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD AND PROCEED TO
!!!!!B.I.T.C.H. S.L.A.P.!!!!!
THE EVER LIVING PISS OUT OF HIM!
It’s almost as if I can see it in his face, the moment of horrible clarity when he realizes how wrong he is and how RIGHT I AM…And how there is nothing he can do to stop what’s coming next…And it’s the thought of what he knows is coming next that causes his face to twist and turn in such a way you can see the nameless emotion that drives some human’s to suicide or worse when anger mixes with sadness as he realizes that he is defeated, and not only that is going to have to choke down each and every single one of his MORONIC SENTENCES that I reduced to utter nonsense that is to be disregarded and forgotten about immediately because history is written by the
!!!!V.I.C.T.O.R.I.O.U.S.!!!!!
…AND WELL IF ROGER WAS ACTUALLY RIGHT HE WOULDN’T HAVE TO NARROW DOWN WHEN HE IS SUCCESSFUL AGAINST ME!!!
Because that is just a way to attempt to get inside my head! He thinks he is going to play mind games with me?...HA Roger just learned how to tread water in the shallow end, one step without his floaties in my area of the pool and I’ll
!!!!F’N DROWN THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!!
RIGHT THERE IN THE SHALLOW END WITH HIS PHUCKIN FLOATIES ON!!!
Because it drives Roger nuts! I know it eats him alive, how he can sit there with the NEW World Heavyweight Championship Belt…A girl who up until recently was on a very and I do mean VERY short list of people in this business I actually respected, and yet still some how despite all of that…Deep down isn’t content with any of it, because he knows deep down that he still is no where near as
!!!!G.R.E.A.T. AS THE DoN oF Di$Re$PeCT!!!!!
IM COOLER, WITTIER, STRONGER, FASTER, SEXIER, MEANER, AND SMARTER THAN HE COULD EVER HOPE TO BE!
I don’t need a man servant following me around telling me which foot my shoes go on, I don’t even need to sit here and film my promos for NEW half of completely naked putting my fingers in my Wife’s phuck holes to prove to the world that I am the object of her affection and that I am cool enough to where I get laid by the type of women most men only bang with their eyes closed and with a fist full of jergens or their moms shampoo! Nope I don’t have to film myself doing any of that, because well
!!!!I’M LA JOHNNY STYLEZ!!!!
IT’S ALREADY IMPLIED!!!!
And to me that’s the best part Howard…Yes Roger Wright most definitely had the most successful NEW World Heavyweight Title reign in the history of the NEW World Heavyweight Title…Yet despite that…LA Johnny Stylez is still the man people think first when they say BEST…Or who the best CHAMPION is or was, and always will be! And I have been in that ring with Roger and I have seen him reach that realization so many times I know it’s been beaten into the back of his brain like the BITCH HE IS! Because Roger may be a lot of things, but stupid aint on that list! Now he isn’t the most brilliant strategist, but I’d say his success has come more so from being an opportunist than anything! Because whiule he sat there in that little promo Artie was making fun of a few minutes ago bragging to me about how he defended the NEW Title last week, talking me down because I didn’t defend the NEW title as many times as he seems to think I needed to. When at the end of the day…I’m not some dumb shit wrestling fan who forgets the details about what happened! But if he for two seconds think that he can stand toe to toe, face to face with me and call that bullshit last week defending the title, then perhaps our boy Roger
!!!!!HAS LOST HIS MIND!!!!
…AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT FOOLZ AND THEIR GOLD DON’T YA?
Because yes Roger Wright left Miami with the NEW World Heavyweight Championship…and yes the announcer even proclaimed him still the NEW World Heavyweight Champion…and even the history books will record that as a successful title defense! But see that’s where I come in…That’s why I am wwho I am…Because I am not afraid to get right back in his punk ass face and tell him that bullshit aint gunna cut it! Because while it was a very grueling and competitive match…Nomad picked up the mic and said when he wants Roger’s belt he will take it…And then kicked the cage over and sent Roger flying through the announce table…The bell rang because of a technicality and if he is proud of that I can’t really say I blame him, because at this juncture I guess the son of a bitch needs to take what he can get right? But I’ll tell you why he is proud…He is proud because while the rest of us hear the noises in the arena…The voices the music the pyro…All Roger has heard since the ref raised his hand at Ascension and handed him the NEW Championship, was a slight ominous ticking sound! Because he knew the moment he was pronounced NEW Champion…His time in the spotlight WAS AND STILL VERY PHUCKIN MUCH IS
!!!!!RuNNiNG The PHuCK OUT!!!!!
…AND LATELY THE TICKING HAS ONLY GROWN LOUDER!!!!
Because now the stakes are raised a little bit higher. Because as we both knew it would as it has everytime…It is as trhough everytime Roger and I climb into the ring to face each other it getrs more and more personal everytime!
Blair Buchannan: Yeah because speaking from experience Johnny there is nothing worse in our business than losing to you!
Artie: Yeah but does that also mean there is nothing better than beating him?
Blair Buchannan: Well….
LA Johnny Stylez: No MaM, don’t be bashful now! Tell em the truth!
Blair Buchannan: Well let me put it to you this way I wont sit here and say THERE IS NOTHING BETTER…But if you or anyone is able to pin my husband shoulders to the mat for a 1,2,3 then you know you have accomplished something! And that right there is all the proof I or anyone else ever needs to know it’s US who set the bar! They are just talking out of their asses just to do so! Because both of them briefly at one point or another were the pinnacle of this business, but have since been replaced and they just refuse to accept reality! I beat Anicka Swan live on pay per view, and she said it with her own cum stained lips that she didn’t recognize me as better than her or however the dumb bitch worded it…Like that is supposed to mean something to me or anyone for that matter? I don’t care if she accepts it or not…I got in that ring I took all she had to dish out and I walked out the winner, plain and simple…I proved I am better than her, and I have done so my entire NEW career! And tomorrow night when my husband and I walk down the asile and climb in the ring to give those two
!!!!PATHETICALLY CLUELESS PEASENTZ!!!!
A MEAN DOSE OF REALITY, AND A GLIMPSE INTO THEIR IMMEDIATE FUTURE!
They aren’t going to like it one bit! Because like my husband was saying earlier they will be forced to accept the truth we’ve been telling them since we started this whole DEFIANCE THING!
LA Johnny Stylez: And then they will more than likely fall into the same pattern as countless other idiots in this town who go out drinking one night, sit down and meet someone and start talking, which is more like they just take turns complaining over one another about the shitty hands they were dealt in their lives..So they go in the bathroom and have a little wild public sex…The next thing you know they think they found their soulmate and then off to the very same wedding chapel they go that Blair and I exchangfed our vows in…Only to wake up in the morning, and the booze have worn off, and now they are stuck in a commitiment neither of them have the slightest inkling of what it means and what it will cost to undo their momentary lapse in sanity! And so ends what everyone calls the
~$~ HoNey MooN PHa$e ~$~
…AND FROM WHERE I’M SITTING YALL MIGHT AS WELL CALL THE F’N FAT LADY
!!!!AnD TeLL THaT BITCH SHE’S ON IN 5!!!!
BeCauSe TiMe IS No LoNGeR On YoUR SiDE!!!!
And lemme tell ya this Ani…Yeah he sure seems like a hoot right now…But what do you think he is going to be like when I take EVERYTHING FROM HIM! Because both of you have known me long enough to know that when I come to take from you I phucking TAKE IT ALL!~ I’m taking my belt, my victory, my stature and I’m going to leave him with nothing..Nothing than the clothes he came down to the ring with…And when the medical staff revives him he will find that the one thing he had spent repairing during the time he spent away from the business will be ripped to phucking pieces and scattered all along the front row…And that of course is every last shred of
!!!!D.I.G.N.I.T.Y.!!!!
AS I PROVED TO HIM AND EVERYONE ELSE IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD THAT
!!!!!ROGER WRIGHT…IS WRONG!!!!!
AND A FAILURE, AND A BITCH, AND WELL NOT ME!
Howard Stern: DEAR GOD! How do you do that! That was some vicious shit talking there brother I gotta hand it to ya! You kiss your other with that mouth?
LA Johnny Stylez: Nope, Ive never had the privleage I’m afraid…But don’t feel too bad for me Howard cause I never had a problem kissing your mother with it!
Howard Stern: Johnny, how many times do I gotta ask you to leave Dorthy out of this huh?
LA Johnny Stylez: What you can proposition my wife for sex on the air, but I can’t talk about giving your mother who makes probably THE WORST LASAGANA Ive ever tasted a little kiss?
Howard Stern: Now Damnit Johnny!....Meh you’re right it’s awful…Ma if you are listening to this…Try some aregeno…and well there are other things that go in it besides riciotta cheese! But we love ya Ma..Johnny says hello!
LA Johnny Stylez: Hey MaMa STERN, maybe next time we go out to DINNER…it’s on me!
Artie: JOHNNY! Come on you’ve met Howard’s mother, dinner is probably going to be on you FROM NOW ON!
Robin Quivers: And he’ll have no one to blame but himself!
Howard Stern: What the hell are you guys talking about? You’ve all tasted what my mother insists is lasagna! If you ask me Johnny paying for dinner every time he comes by is the perfect solution! Trust me whatever he spends on dinner is worth not having to taste my mothers slimey flavorless lasagna…It’s kind of like eating wet Styrofoam!
LA Johnny Stylez: I’ll bet that’s not all that different of what it feels like to have sex with Anicka Swan!
Artie: Anal or regular?
Blair Buchannan: Who can tell anymore, I’m sure whatever flap of skin she had that separated the two holes once upon a time was rubbed clean off by carpet burn and public restroom toilets!
Robin Quivers: Oh MY! I am going to be sick! Can we please change the subject! Didn’t you guys come here to…
Artie: DON’T YOU DARE SAY PLUG!
Howard Stern: Promote…I think is the word you geniuses are looking for! What are you two newlyweds here to promote on this lovely morning?
Blair Buchannan: Well we didn’t come here to mention this, but I should let everyone know that my reality show brushing up with The Buchannan’s premiered last night on E as the highest rated Saturday Night premiere in the last eight years! And if any of the fans out there want to know how Johnny and I got married then I suggest you catch it on whatever streaming service you have because well Johnny and I saw it for the first time last night and even we were surprised at some of the things we did that night!
LA Johnny Stylez: Imagine the shit that happened off the camera!
Artie: I’d rather wait till I’m alone for that thank you very much!
Howard Stern: Well we definitely want to thank you two for stopping by always a pleasure when we get to catch up! It’s always a blast having you both on individually, but now that you are married this is even better! You know except I can’t subliminally suggest you sleep with me anymore, but I think I’ll be able to get over it…One day!
LA Johnny Stylez: OHH PHUCK I CAN’T BELIEVE I ALMOST PHUCKIN FORGOT!
Robin Quivers: What did you forget Roger’s balls in your back pocket?
LA Johnny Stylez: ROBIN! Anicka probably ate those for breakfast the morning after she slept with him the first time, because ever since then I think the only people on this planet that were whipped more than your boy Roger were the HEBREW’s when they built the pyramids for the Egyptians!
Howard Stern: As a HEBREW Johnny, I would like to say…WOW THAT WHIPPED HUH?
Robin Quivers: Well what about you Johnny? I’ll bet your life is much different now that you are a married man and the owner of two big well known brand name companys! Before you were just a loud obnoxious, rude, foul mouthed pro wrestler…Now
Blair Buchannan: Now he is a loud, obnoxious, rude, and foul mouthed PRO WRESTLER, BUSINESS MAN, and BOSS!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah well of course Ive changed a little bit! Isn’t that all apart of the human condition anyway? I mean I am still the same in ring competitor Ive always been! But some shit will never change, but at the same time, some shit will always change no matter how much we want it to. Like I know that this may be one of the last runs in the ring I ever take…I just know now that it’s up to me to make sure that this run is so got damn great they still talk about it in comparison when anything in the business happens that anyone cponsiders great…
Howard Stern: Is that all? Any other big changes?
LA Johnny Stylez: Meh a few things here a few things there! I gotta shake a lot of babies and kiss a lot of hands..Ya know that sorta crap! And then there is the philanthropy side that I had to take up once I signed the documents to become 50% Owner of New Edge Wrestling…And that is actually the last thing I wanted to talk to you guys about here today. You see in my contract as Owner of NEW…I am required to give back to local communities that support New Edge, to kind of build a bond and relationship with these towns and cities tht we travel to and from all year long! And well I’m not exactly embarrassed to admit that I’m not exactly the most chairtiable mother phucker in the World…But for what it’s worth I let both Al Envy and Hunter Valentyne ride my coattails way longer than I should of…And when I submitted that to the board they denied it! So I decided to take matters into my own hands!
Artie: OHHH AND THE PLOT THICKENS!
Robin Quivers: Oh dear God I’m almost afraid to hear about it!
Howard Stern: Robin, shush the man is trying to tell a story! Sorry Johnny, please go on…LA Johnny Stylez and Blair Buchannan forced to do charity now this is something I have to hear!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well when I told Blair about what I had to do, being the WIFE she is decided she would do this with me, catching my back like she always has in one way or another! So we put our heads together and tried to come up with something we could give the city of Las Vegas something that it needed and something that would last there for a very long time. And it took a while but when it came to me it hit me like a ton of bricks! So we decided to give them something that was built in the spirit of Sin City itself…And at the same time created a innovative and funny way for people to laugh at themselves while at the same time take the time to do a little personal inventory.! Which believe me if everyone took five minutes out of their day everyday and took their nose out of other people’s business and worried about their own shit then I promise you this world would be a better place, because really some people just really need to get out of their own way! And in order to do that…
Blair Buchannan: BaBy, you are forgetting to tell them the best part!
LA Johnny Stylez: I tell you what PReTTy LaDy, why don’t you tell em huh?
Blair Buchannan: Well thank you!
Howard Stern: I would just like to say I support that decision I have a strange feeling I’ll like whatever it is way more if she says it!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah, that’s kinda why I let her do it!
Robin Quivers: SMART MAN!
LA Johnny Stylez: Happy WIFe HaPPy LiFe YERD?
Blair Buchannan: Well are you going to let me tell them or what?
As Blair goes into her explanation about her and Johnny’s little project, the scene switches from inside Howard Stern’s studio, to outside the construction that we saw Johnny staring at at the end of Blair’s promo and the beginning of this one. We see the construction crews finish putting in two rows of photobooths as now we see a flight of concrete steps built on both sides of the bridge that connect Ceasars Palace and The Bellagio. The concrete steps lead below to a patio area that has a few tables, some vending machines, and on each side of the bridge are three rows of identical photo booths.
As Blair’s words tell the story of what this is exactly we see Johnny and Blair a little while after the interview had concluded speaking at a podium in the center of the bridge connecting Ceasars and the Bellagio. The large crowd of people are cheering as we can’t exactly hear the speeches they are giving, but when we see Blair and Johnny motion to the large black stone plaque carving engraved on both sides above the set of stairs that lead down to the bridge below that reads LAS VEGAS WELCOMES AND INVITES ONE AND ALL TO TAKE A STROLL ACROSS THE
~!{$}!~ WRIGHT-SWAN BRIDGE ~!{$}!~
WHERE YOU ARE FREE TO DO YOURSELF AND THE WORLD A FAVOR BY LITERALLY TAKING A WALK ACROSS THIS SECRET BRIDGE IN HOPES THAT YOU CAN FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE BY THE PATRONZ THIS BRIDGE WAS NAMED AFTER AND GET OVER YOURSELF…-YOUR WELCOME!!!
Blair Buchannan: Now you see when Johnny and I found out we were booked against Roger and Anicka this week and we had to sit there and watch their soft core porn/cW 90210 hack promo…It dawned on both of us…One of the main missions of our group the DEFIANCE, was to rid pro wrestling of a few bad habits it and standards that were put into place by the generation that succeeded ours and turned it into the mockery it is today…
LA Johnny Stylez: That, and well a few months ago when I beat Dane Preston’s ass so bad live on pay per view the toddler inside of him that controls his emotions couldn’t handle it at all, so he ran out of Action Wrestling crying worse than a new born baby whose ear infection
!!!!HAD AN EAR INFECTION!!!!!
…YEAH THAT’S A LOT OF PHUCKIN CRYING!!!
But other than the server amount of violence I had to unleash upon him to beat some humility into that self righteous MID CARD MORON was damn near impossible! But I believe what gave me the mental edge was, before our match which was an AMBULANCE MATCH…I uhhh borrowed an ambulance from the local uh….AMBULANCE STORE? And drove it to home depot….I then loaded it up with all the necessary tools and wood that Dane would need….I then drove that ambulance all the way to the Wolf Family compound where Dane Preston learns to perfect the ancient art of
!!!!!DOUCHE BAGGERY!!!!!
…WHICH I HEAR HE JUST BECAME A GREEN BELT IN!!!!
And I drove it through the front gate, and then bailed out…And just like my beautiful wife would have dione I made sure to leave two post-it notes on the steering wheel after the Wolf Family guards shot the ambulance so many times to make sure no body crawled out of the ambulance alive…But when Jenna’s wife finally worked up the sack to walk out there, she found the note which I’m sure she read aloud to Dane that said….DEAR DANE SINCE THIS IS OUR LAST HURRAH, I THOUGHT IT FITTING TO GET YOU A GIFT…IN THE BACK YOU WILL FIND ALL THE NECESSARY TOOLS, WOOD, and SUPPLIES YOU’LL NEED TO BUILD A BRIDGE, IN HOPES THAT YOU AT LONG LAST DO US ALL AND YOURSELF A FAVOR AND FINALLY
!!!!!GET THE PHUCK OVER YOURSELF!!!!
Because Really Dane Back Then Thought WAY TOO HIGHLY OF HIMSELF!!!
Especially for a man who’s biggest aspiration was to one day fill the tighty whities of the man that fathered his beloved wife, a man who’s legacy in this business for those that remember that name remember him as the biggest HEMROID ON THE ASS OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING known as
~$~ DaMoN “HaVoK” RiGGz ~$~
THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF JACKASSES, JERK OFFS, and MORONZ!!!
A man who could have really meant something to this business if he spent as much time building a brand and maintaining it as he did crying, moaning, bitching, and complaining about any and every little misstep that happened in every wrestling promotion that was dumb enough to over pay him! As far as I knew he was pro wrestling’s first cancer as he almost single handily killed off the circuit Blair and I and a few others Shane Sparx, Jesse Styles, Hazard, Hudson McKnight, and Anicka Swan cut our teeth on! A pro wrestling circuit that saw some of the most talented men and women I have ever known in this business, in some of the greatest matgches…That are all lost and forgotten all because of ONE emotionally stunted pathetic little man, and all of his cock sucking, self righteous, egomaniacal, petty , leeches he called his friends and family destroyed one pro wrestling kingdom after another, all because Damon Havok Riggs didn’t understand or comprehend the fact that somedays he was going to get in that ring and walk out not the winner…A man so afraid of failure he’d rather watch the kingdom crumble rather than use his name value to help it thrive…Well it akll came back to bite him in his bitch ass, because now those of us who do remember the name Damon Riggs
!!!!WiSH WE DiDN’T!!!!!
BECAUSE THAT WALKING MENSTRUAL CYCLE OF A MAN HAS MORE ISSUES THAN COSMO!!!
And you know what they say! Those who do not learn from their mistakes are doomed to repeat them…And I was confident enough that the direction Damon was giving Mr. Preston, and this younger generation of ELITIST JERK OFFS they had been raising away from the view of the world had anything to do with his failures as I’m sure he heaped a lot of the blame on me…Eventhough here I am thriving where he had failed and failed miserably, and the fans hate me way more than they ever hated him! And well Dane obviously learned his lesson, because he ran out of there faster than female interns ran from Bill Cosby’s dressing room in the morning! And it occurred to me that perhaps I should attempt another grand gesture with the same message as it was seemingly very effective and accomplished just what I wanted it to…And so when I shared it with my beautiful wife…It was actually her idea that why be selfish and only allow Roger and Anicka to learn from this message, when I am a man of power and position, and as a result of that I now had a responsibility to the people to help them learn from the same mistakes made by these tremendous arrogant fools that ended up costing them the immortality they wasted so much of their own blood, sweat, and
!!!!!T.E.A.R.Z.!!!!!
…LOTS AND LOTS OF GROWN MAN TEARS…I’M TALKIN F’N KENTWOOD WATER JUG SHIT!!!
And so there you have it!
Blair Buchannan: It is our gift to you Las Vegas and Howard we would be honored if you joined us for the reveal party in three hours you can cut one of the ribbons! And help us deliver this wonderful gift to the masses as we hype up the fans who are in town to witness Ignite live and in person when my Husband in I go down to that ring, and prove to those two infatuated love sick puppies, why their side of the story is just nothing more than a rearranged mangled version of the truth…And why Johnny and I are the genuine article! But we hope after we are done handing them their asses in the center of that ring…That they actually make use of our gift…THE MONUMENT WE built in their honor…
LA Johnny Stylez: Because after we are done giving them a preview of the nightmare their lives are to become going forward when we HUMBLE THEM, and HUMILIATE THEM, and HOPEFULLY GET THEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS AINT THERE WORLD…IT NEVER WAS AND IT NEVER WILL BE…But perhaps they will be able to understand a little better after we’ve made them
!!!!!SoaK!!!!!!
!!!!!SoMe!!!!
!!!!!!UP!!!!!!
…THAT MAYBE THEY SHOULD GET OVER THEMSELVES, BECAUSE THE REST OF US HAVE BEEN FOR QUITE SOOME TIME!!!
And with that, Johnny and Blair turn to each other and slowly bring their faces close together for a kiss…But right before their lips touch, they lower their sunglasses that were rested on their heads…And as soon as the dark thick lenses are covering their eyeballs, and they have that dark cool look about them…They look at the camera and smirking that turns into wicked laughter as they extend their middle fingers, and then turn to each other and share a passionate kiss as the camera fades out and leaves you sad mouth breathers to wonder…Wonder what Blair’s immaculate body looks like with no clothes on…Wonder what their favorite position is…WONDER how an asshole like LA Johnny Stylez and Blair Buchannan can be so good…And how you can go about being half as cool as they are….Which we are afraid there isn’t much most of you can do…Because well look at you! But hey turn those frowns upside down..Because there is always the fact that this time, like last time, and the time before that and so on and so fourth
…HaS BeeN YoUr Plea$uRE!!!!
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??
Voice: So what’s the big deal about today? What have the two of you cooked up for the lovely patron’s of Sin City? Because I gotta tell ya…I’m looking at these numbers here and well it just absolutely baffles me that New Edge Wrestling still is not signed to a major television network! These numbers are astronomical! Did you guys really sell out in less than eight minutes? I mean JESUS H. CHRIST if that is indeed true then that means NEW is such a hot ticket that even when Selene Dion and Brittney Spears didn’t sell out that fast when it was announced that they were going to be performing full time in Vegas!
Scene opens as the voice leads us along as images of the busy streets of Sin City. We see the construction sight we saw at the tail end of the Blair Buchannan promo and we see a construction crew working tirelessly as they are backing in what looks like a row of photo booths. We see crowds of people standing around watching them work as now that this construction project is starting to look complete there are definitely a good number of people who are interested to see what this is all about exactly.
Scene then switches to one of the most luxurious suites in all of Las Vegas on the top floor of Creaser’s Palace Hotel Resort and Casino in Las Vegas. We see an alarm clock that reads 4:19 a.m. as we see Blair shoot up in bed with the black silk sheet barley covering her breasts, as she appears alarmed as if she just woke from a bad dream. She looks to her right to see that her husband was not lying where she left him when she closed her eyes two hours ago. Her eyes then finally spot him as he is standing outside on the balcony of their room looking out into Sin City and the construction taking place below, enjoying an early morning wake and bake as we can see the sun slowly start to fight it’s way through the darkness as it begins its ascension to the top of the sky.
Scene switches to a few moments later, Blair has put on a black silk robe and joined her husband on the balcony, as she hands him a cup of coffee taking the glass pipe from him, as she wiggles her way into his arms as she hits the pipe and exhales the smoke as she looks at the bridge construction and then looks up at Johnny who looks down at her and smirks as she kisses him on the cheek.
Scene then switches to where the voices are coming from as we find ourselves INSTUDIO with none other than Broadcast ICON HOWARD STERN! Johnny and Blair are sitting next to each other on the red leather couch in Howard’s instudio interview area. Blair is wearing An oversized black Defiance: Above The Law hoodie, black fishnets, sparkly silver crystal stoned stilettos and a silver diamond tiara, while The DoN oF Di$Re$PeCT is wearing a brand new DEFIANCE T-shirt that just has the words ABOVE THE LAW written in flames. And a pair of black and white stripped pants. His blue hair is spiked up, and his thick rimmed RAY BAN sunglasses are hanging at the bottom of his nose so we are able to see his bloodshot baby blues bring a certain life to his trademark arrogant smirk that is plastered across his face, as Howard Stern continues his interview.
Howard Stern: Iffffff you are just now joining us…I’m here in studio right now with two very close personal friends of mine and the show…I honestly don’t even know how to introduce the two of you anymore? I mean this crap was easy two years ago when Johnny was retired pro wrestler now owner of one of the biggest porn sites in the World, and Blair same thing only Reality TV personality and owner of 3rd biggest modeling company in the United States and 4th biggest on the entire planet!
Blair Buchannan: 2nd HOWARD!
Howard Stern: Ohh is it 2nd now?...Where US or all over?
Blair Buchannan: United States…But we’ve been 2nd for a long time now, sounds like you need to fire your fact checker?
Howard Stern: What you want me to fire Google right now on the air?...OK FINE! Google, you heard the lady YOUR FRICKEN FIRED! Tell em Robin!
Robin: Ohhh NO! Don’t you get me involved with this…Next thing we know Google will take it personally and well I just don’t want that bad juju!
LA Johnny Stylez: AHHHH come on ROBIN! Where is YOUR DEFIANT spirit huh?...This is the kinda crap we have to stand up against!
Robin: OK, well I’m ok with all of that…But can’t we just maybe Write Google up, or give them a stern warning maybe suspend them? Do we have to fire them?
Howard Stern: ROBIN! Come on baby! I mean this is a pretty acreages error! I mean if Google were to get wrong some facts about these two clowns Blair and Johnny are facing Sunday night live in Las Vegas then a simple warning would suffice…But we are literally talking about two of the biggest stars in the world at this point! Johnny owns most of BRAZZERS and now half of the hottest pro wrestling ticket on the planet! Blair meanwhile apparently has been on quite the hot streak since returning to the ring and still finds time to shoot her very successful Reality television show which I heard just got picked up for two more seasons…So congrats on that honey!
Blair Buchannan: Thank you Howard!
Howard Stern: Ohh you’re welcome baby! Hey so I don’t know what you two crazy kids are into…But Johnny if you guys are into the OPEN MARRIAGE THING…Let me tell ya man, I don’t think there is anything I would enjoy more than a GO with that little Minx you are sitting next to over there! What do ya think?
Blair Buchannan: Ohh that’s very sweet of you Howard, but I’m afraid its utterly out of the question!
LA Johnny Stylez: Howard…Man YOU ARE PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT MAN! But I’m sorry homie, I gotta tell you to PHUCK YOURSELF on that ONE MY DUDE! I am not very good at sharing my shit to begin with…Her?...NO DICE! NOT EVER! But hey, like I said I do run the biggest porn site in the world…and well as you very well know I have never ever refused to make an introduction for my good friends on the Howard Stern show!
Howard Stern: I see what you are doing Johnny! And I gotta hand it to you man…I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to accept a consolation prize before in my life! But hey there are worse things going on in the world right now I suppose!
Robin Quivers: Ohh HOWARD leave these two poor kids alone!
Howard Stern: What? You never know what people are into these days Robin?...It was worth a shot believe me…Look at her! Isn’t she gorgeous?
Robin Quivers: Ohh absolutely! It goes without saying, she is very good looking! They both are! They look great together!
Howard Stern: They do don’t they?...I was just thinking that! Blair baby you aren’t offended by my saying I would absolutely love the opportunity to dissatisfy you sexually do you?
Blair Buchannan: NEVER! Not from you Howard…That and well this may sound a little arrogant, but I am used to it at this point, especially in the business I am in!
Howard Stern: Yeah modeling fricken sucks doesn’t it?
Everyone laughs as Blair shakes her head and brushes a strand of her hair that has fallen over her eye as she responds.
Blair Buchannan: No silly, I’m talking about the RASSLIN business! You sure do come across more than your fair share of creepers as we travel from one town to the other every week!
Robin Quivers: Are you talking about the fans or the actual wrestlers themselves?
LA Johnny Stylez/Blair: BOTH!!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Howard have you ever seen that phucking PHUCK SOCK this one almost wound up with Roger Wright?...The person who’s ass I am going to stomp into the ground in a few weeks to make me officially an eight time NEW World Heavyweight CHAMPION!
Howard Stern: Yeah I’ve seen this joker before…I’m actually looking at a picture of him right now! Man you are right! This guy most definitely looks like a friggin SPLOOGE SOCK if I’ve ever seen one! But who is this little vixen he is with in all of these facebook photos with? She looks quite fetching herself!
Blair Buchannan: That would be Anicka “Easier Than SUNDAY MORNING” Swan! The most recent self absorbed, jealous, cunt who wishes she was me!
Howard Stern: Hold on, I am listening to a little bit of this promo that was posted onto NEWEDGEWRESTLING.proboards.com is this chick really referring to herself in the third person?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah, as a matter of fact she is! Kinda off putting isn’t it?
Howard Stern: A little yeah!
Artie: If by a little you mean TOTALLY! THEN YEAH! I mean who is she Deion Sanders?
Blair Buchannan: Hardly…She’s not even Deion’s favorite groupie! She’s just the head cheerleader for this group of bitter bitches who have all of a sudden resurfaced and infested in our wrestling company!
Howard Stern: Resurfaced?...What do you mean resurfaced?
LA Johnny Stylez: Basically what she means Howard is that we know most of these cats from wayyyyy back in the gap! I’m talking like when BB and I were cutting our teeth in this industry! Right before my career took off, and right before B just straight up took off!
Robin Quivers: Ohh are you referring to the infamous POST IT incident?
LA Johnny Stylez: THE VERY ONE!
Blair Buchannan: Ohh come on! How long are you gunna hold me on trial for that one? I’ve already said I was sorry a million times!
LA Johnny Stylez: And I’d say you are still about two million sorry’s short!
Howard Stern: Gotta side with my boy Johnny on this one BB, sorry! You broke the guys heart with a POST-IT note! That’s just as shitty getting a text message saying your Granny is dead or something! SO wait…Is this the same Roger Wright you were with the last time you were on the show?
Robin Quivers: Yes you nimcompoop! She has a kid with him and everything!
LA Johnny Stylez: HAD!
Robin Quivers: Had?
Blair Buchannan: Yeah it’s complicated! I really don’t like talking about it too much if you don’t mind!
Howard Stern: That’s not really a problem! Because I wanna know how you ever got together with such a vanilla squirt like this guy here! Are you telling me this guy is the one who right now represents NEW as it’s Champion? As your absolute best? What were you busy that night or something?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah as a matter of fact I was! But don’t worry Roger’s most recent title reign has an expiration date and he knows it just as well as anyone else who is paying attention to us in any capacity!
Howard Stern: I guess what I’m most perplexed by is how in the hell he was able to land both the beautiful and uber talented Blair Buchannan and this girl in these pictures! She looks a little too wild for him! His…You know must be huge!
Blair Buchannan: Honestly if you wanna know Howard it’s not the smallest one Ive ever seen, but it’s nothing I’d call impressive either! I mean it’s definitely not as big as he thinks it is…And he definitely doesn’t use it as well as he thinks he does either!
LA Johnny Stylez: But basically Howard that cunt in those pictures is one of those chicks who has a hard on for
!!!!F’N DOUCHE BAGZ!!!!!
…THE DOUCHIER THE BETTER ACTUALLY!!!
And well given that is her M.O. I guess Roger is the perfect guy for her! Because you can search far and phucking wide my friend and the only way you are going to find anyone douchier than Roger all you need to do is
Blair Buchannan: Look in the background of any picture of Roger Wright!
Howard Stern: I beg your pardon?
Blair Buchannan: What picture do you have pulled up there?
Howard Stern: Uhhh, looks like it is after NEW’s last pay per view…I see the ASCENSION banners hanging in the background. I see him holding Johnny’s belt and I definitely see her looking like she is going to bust out of her ring gear at any moment! And….
LA Johnny Stylez: See that PHUCKMOOK holding Roger’s bags with that look on his face like he is wishing Roger’s balls were somewhere in or around his mouth!
Howard Stern: OHHH THERE HE IS…NOW I SEE HIM! Holy crap Robin get a load of this guy! Boy if he doesn’t look like someone you’d expect to knock on your door to inform you he is a registered sex offender!
Blair Buchannan: OHH my gawd Shane is the creepiest bastard in the entire world! But Roger can’t pick out his underwear without him!
Robin Quivers: Are you sure Roger and this Shane aren’t…You know?
LA Johnny Stylez: LOVERS?
Robin Quivers: Yes, I mean I guess?
Blair Buchannan: No they aren’t lovers! But it wouldn’t shock me if TMZ pops on one day breaking news that it has been leaked that at one point or another they at least gave it a try!
Howard Stern: You can’t be serious! You are just saying that because they are your opponents this week and obviously bitter rivals of the both of you!
LA Johnny Stylez: I mean I can see where many people, dip shit Roger Wright included…But Blair is right Roger straight up NEEDS that phuckin DOUCHE CANOE to remind him to breathe out of his nostrils for Christ’s sake! A few years back I won my second NEW World title from Roger Wright by taking that moron out of the picture and it worked like a charm!
Howard Stern: Ohh yeah what’d you do? Break his jaw so he couldn’t talk?
LA Johnny Stylez: Nah, I introduced him to his second love…A little friend known as HEROINE!
Howard Stern: Ohh he liked to chase the dragon did he?
LA Johnny Stylez: LIKE Tom chased JERRY, Howard!
Blair Buchannan: But you know what was really interesting about that particular match? A lot of people credit XXX for destroying the career of the “great Roger Wright” but the truth is, and anyone who doubts me can go back and look it up for themselves…But it was Johnny removing Shane from Roger’s side permanently and that particular title defeat that sent Roger into a downward spiral that he almost didn’t recover from! And when I tell you this dude fell, he FUCKING FELLLL! Like face plant at the OSCARS FELL!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah the phuckin chump was running his COCKSUCKER as usual this past week trying to paint a picture of his and my rivalry, which I’m here to set the record straight on that one Howard…Because first and foremost whatever it is between Roger and I one thing it is ABSOLUTLEY NOT IS A
!!!!GoT DAMN RIVALRY!!!!
RIVALRLY IMPLIES THAT THE WIN LOSS RECORD IS EVEN!!!
Which it one hundred and ten percent is not! Because after he defended the NEW title against me after he won the first TerrorDome…Roger Wright has failed to pin my shoulders to the mat
!!!!EVERY SINGLE TIME SINCE!!!!
IN OTHER WORDS I’VE OWNED HIS STUPID ASS!!!
He tried to spit some lame statistic of his record against me in World Title matches, which OK…I’ll bite, but there is a saying in our line of work that says…You are ONLY AS GOOD AS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN THE RING…and the last time…Shit the last six or seven times I was in the ring with that phucking
!!!!!M.O.R.O.N.!!!!!
I BEAT HIM LIKE HE STOLE SOMETHING!!!!
To put it into perspective even further, Roger Wright hasn’t beaten me since we left the pro wrestling community NEW belonged to when I first joined the company a little under a decade ago!
Howard Stern: And let me guess, he conveniently neglected to mention that in this little promo of his from a few days ago?
Blair Buchannan: That sounds like Roger! I mean look I’ll be honest deep down Roger is a good man and an even better father…But as far as this business is concerned he just isn’t cut out for it! Which is why I think he has fallen so hard for that gutter slut Anicka Swan! Because deep down Roger knows he isn’t good enough, and well these new people come along and they like most people in our line of work don’t like Johnny, and so naturally he was there to give them the grand tour! As a matter of fact
LA Johnny Stylez: SHE WHOOPED HIS PHUCKING ASS OUR FIRST NIGHT BACK!
Howard Stern: Ohh yeah baby Ill bet she did!
LA Johnny Stylez: Boy DID SHE!
Artie: Man this guy Roger doesn’t not like our man JOHNNY, like at all!
Howard Stern: Ohh yeah, you giving this promo a listen over there Artie?
Artire: Actually yeah, he is saying that Johnny wants all of the things he has yadda yadda…His women, his title blab la…
LA Johnny Stylez: Howard you mind if I take a sec and set the record straight on that one?
Howard Stern: Please BY ALL MEANS!
LA Johnny Stylez: OK…Roger…Incase you are listening to this and I know that you are…Let’s get one thing straight right here and right now asshole! See that is just like Roger only telling half the story, because yes currently some of the things in his possession I want very badly…But that is because
!!!!THEY WERE MINE TO BEGIN WITH!!!!
…YA PHUCKING DOUCHE BAG!!!
Who put NEW on the map…ME! That World Heavyweight Championship is the symbol of greatness it is because I showed up in NEW a long ass time ago, ripped it from that phuck mook curtain jerking asshat Avalanche and ever since then has been the symbol of greatness in our IN-DuS-TREE! Sure Roger’s title reign helped that a great deal as well…But after that ended…It was me who carried the company forward! And as far as Blair goes…She’s been mine since
!!!!HiGH SCHOOL!!!!!
…WHICH GET OUT A CALCULATOR AND DO THE MATH DUMMY!!
NEW is MINE! I actually own 50% of it! You are not the standard bearer…It has always been me that set the bar! You have to rise to the occasion to beat me! Not the other way around! Because everyone and their mama knows I can beat you! I did it so much in the past some people think I took it up as a
!!!!F’N HoBBy!!!!
SO DIG UP YOUR TOTAL WIN PERCENTAGE NEXT TIME PUSSY!!!!
Cause only telling half the story, is basically lying! And Roger Wright is lying to himself…To that six dollar prostitute he goes to sleep with every night, his kids, his momma, his daddy, the entire town of Webberville Texas, and every and any asshat that has ever bought a ticket to see New Edge Wrestling if he thinks he stands a CHANCE IN HELL AGAINST ME AT COLD FRONT! And the both of them have their heads so far up each other’s asses they phucking
!!!!!WoNT EVeN SEE IT CoMiN!!!!!
…AND THEY WON’T KNOW WHAT THE PHUCK HIT EM!!!!
…And Mr. Stern you can phuckin quote me on that!
Artie: Howard, man I dunno I don’t think you should take any time out of your day to watch this little Roger Wright promo?
Robin Quivers: That bad huh?
Artie: YEAH, ACTUALLY! At first I wasn’t sure I was watching the right thing…At first I feel like I was about to be watching some pretty dirty SKINAMAX porn…and then a few minutes later I’m like nah it’s just a lame episode of the GILMORE GIRLS!
EVERYONE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Howard Stern: So you maybe now we can get down to a little business, because the both of you did swing by today because you have something you want to plug am I right?
Robin Quivers: Oh DEAR LORD!
Artie: And he doesn’t mean Anicka’s asshole either JOHNNY!
Howard Stern: WOAHHHHHHHHHHH….Artie what the hell was that all about?
Artie: Sorry I immediately clicked on this Anicka chick’s promo and I’m not going to lie she is kinda sexy, in a cheap hooker sort of way! But she says that our man Johnny here has had a hard on for her…FOREVER!
LA Johnny Stylez: Now, hold the phuck on a second! That shit aint fair!
Blair Buchannan: Babe, you mind if I get this one?
Howard Stern: Lets hear her out Johnny! She might be able to put it better than you can, in my experience a little outside perspective can only help these particular circumstances!
LA Johnny Stylez: What there is a self absorbed sex crazed CUNT, who doesn’t know the difference between a recruitment speech and a line? The whore pretending to be the housewife?
Howard Stern: Wow that sounds like a bad cW show!
LA Johnny Stylez: It comes off that way too BELIEVE YOU ME THERE BUD!
Blair Buchannan: Ahhhhemmmmmmmm!
Howard/Johnny: SORRY!
Blair Buchannan: I already pretty much covered this one, but let me tell you about this bitch real quick! Sure she is all into Roger right now, because it’s new and fun and exciting especially since Johnny went out of his way to get her back in the ring again. But one day and probably soon that new exciting aspect of it is going to wear off, and she is going to see him for the needy, insecure, morally bankrupt, lost puppy that he is! Especially after my man takes his Title belt and his dignity away from him! Roger has no idea who he has gotten into bed with! Those people he has chosen to align himself with are practically cannibals! A bunch of self destructive, arrogant assholes who get drunk drinking their own kool-aid! Only if they were half as good as they insist that they were then we’d probably be wrestling for one of the promotions they built up, but managed to destroy within three months most of the time! And besides her coming out and telling everyone that my husband begged her to come here and this and that he wants her always has BLA BLA! I’m sure that was true once upon a time…But take a look here sweetie, if he wanted a thing like you, he could go get one of his BRAZZERS girls…Hell he could have ten yous if he wanted, because trashy sluts like you are a dime a freakin dozen! Me I am a unique genuine one of a kind! A big sparkling eye stealing diamond, and you are just loose gravel! Don’t flatter yourself sweetie I don’t exactly get it, but Johnny has even told me on several occasions how talented he thinks you are and how you could help boost ratings and help get NEW back to where it needs to be…And to a degree he was right…But that’s where it began and that’s where it ends as well! So Ron Burgundy, next time you want to report the news maybe try a better headline better than…JOHNNY STYLEZ WANTS TALENTED PEOPLE TO FILL OUT HIS PRO WRESTLING COMPANY’S ROSTER…I MEAN DUH!!!! She makes me fricken sick Howard!
Howard Stern: WOAH!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah she’s great isn’t she?
Howard Stern: That’s putting it plainly there Johnny BOY!
LA Johnny Stylez: The only thing B didn’t really touch on as far as that subject is concerned that I would like to, is that just like her lame dick boyfriend Roger Wright, Anicka told the truth…just not all of it! You see there were bits and pieces she conveniently left out to not make herself look the way she actually comes off…Because despite what my BaBy just said I have to disagree I don’t think Anicka Swan deserves to be lumped in any category with
!!!!!RoN GoT DaMN BuRGuNDy!!!!!
EVEN IF SHE IS AS CLASSY AS SAN DIEGO (WHICH OF COURSE MEANZ A WHALEZ VAGINA)
Which at this point it wouldn’t shock me in the least if that’s what that used car parking lot she calls her snatch looks like at this point! Because the fact is, yes I asked her to work with me in another wrestling promotion because we had a common enemy…And well the only thing that kept us from forming a functioning productive unit I took care of…Because you see Howard, also there is her tag team partner a walking bag of BITCH known as Jenna Riggs-Preston, and when we arrived on the scene these fisher price dickheads spoke down to us like they were superior to us and ever since then we individually took turns putting these simple bitches in their place one by one…And well I figured we could accomplish more if we combined our efforts, but of course Anicka mistook that for me wanting to sleep with her, despite the fact that not once…Let me say that one more time
!!!!NOT ONE FRIGGIN TIME!!!!!
DID I PROPOSITION HER FOR SEX!!!
And yeah sure maybe I had interest back in the gap and maybe for five minutes upon her return…But trust me I have been fortunate enough in my life to where I don’t have a very long list of regrets, but I promise you, I know deep down had she lowered her draw bridge for me that would have most definitely probably found it’s way
!!!!TO THE TOP OF THAT GOT DAMN LIST!!!!
…NOW GET THE PHUCK ON YA SILLY BITCH WIT YA BIG OLE WOLF PUSSY!!!!
Because at the end of the day Anicka Swan is a classless cunt who is no different from that walking tampon her tag team partner is married to! Because another part of the truth that Anicka left out is that despite the people she devotes herself to, if it weren’t for LA Johnny Stylez she would still be sitting around the Wolf Compound knitting Kal X Wolf’s knickers while he regails her of stories about their not so glorious past and legacy that no one but them recalls because those phucking MORONS destroyed wrestling promotions like some mother phuckers change their underwear! Not Vin, not Kal, Not Damon, not Dane…Not Roger knew Anicka’s passion and love of being in the ring and in the spot light…No one but me knew she needed the ring almost as bad as I thought the ring needed her…And as far as Action Wrestling is concerned, well I’m sure if you ask him he will tell you he left on his own accord but anyone with a lick of sense knew I sent Anicka’s tag team partner’s husband running out of Action Wrestling like a
!!!!F’N WHIPPED BITCH!!!!
…NO JOHNNY PLEASE DON’T…OUCH! JOHNNY PLEASE STOP BEATING ME UP..WHA WHA WHA!!!!
I swear to GAWD I have unfortunately been in a nursery where there were 15 babies crying at once…and they still can’t even hold a candle to that vaginal maggot known to the rest of the world as
!!!!DANE PRESTON!!!!!
BUT THAT’S THE COMPANY SHE KEEPS BC SHE AINT NO DIFFERENT FROM THEM!!!
Because the way I see it Howard is that she wont be that difficult to forget about and move on from because well if the entire populous of pro wrestling fans can some how manage to not only forget the name Anicka Swan, but also Damon Riggs, Vincent Black, Kal X Wolf, Josh Manhunt, then I should be able to no problem., because well most pro wrestling fans are idiots but they remember some of the craziest shit, but when Swan and her ASSBAG sidekicks came back to the ring, the crowd honestly didn’t know how to react because they had no phucking clue who they were? And ya know I think about these things and I can’t help but
!!!!!JUST LAUGH AT THEM TWO IGNORANT IMBECILEZ!!!!!
BeCauSE THEY SPEAK WITH SUCH CONVICTION IT’S LIKE THEY ACTUALLY BELIEVE THEIR OWN BULLSHIT!
And ya know Howard that is truly why I love this profession more than any profession in the entire world. Yeah financing and filming people fuck is a good a time as a fella can have…But what I really love! What really makes me feel alive and like my life has meaning…Is when I find an ignorant mother phucker like Roger Wright…Who has his head shoved soooo far up his own ass that he can’t tell the difference between
!!!!HIS FARTZ and IDEAZ!!!!
WHICH ULTIMATLEY THEREZ NO REAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO ANYWAY BUT I DIGRESS!!!
I love it when I find someone like Roger who has brain phucked any particular situation to twist it to fit whatever point he wants to make…And he believes it so much he is willing to put it all on the line and fight me tooth and nail over it…And then there is that moment in that ring. When all the noise of the sold out crowd…All of those faceless countless voices goes away. You can’t see them or hear them…For just a brief moment it is just Roger Wright, LA Johnny Stylez and the mother phucking
~{$}~ T.R.U.T.H. ~{$}~
…AND WHEN I GRAB A HANDFUL OF HIS HAIR ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD AND PROCEED TO
!!!!!B.I.T.C.H. S.L.A.P.!!!!!
THE EVER LIVING PISS OUT OF HIM!
It’s almost as if I can see it in his face, the moment of horrible clarity when he realizes how wrong he is and how RIGHT I AM…And how there is nothing he can do to stop what’s coming next…And it’s the thought of what he knows is coming next that causes his face to twist and turn in such a way you can see the nameless emotion that drives some human’s to suicide or worse when anger mixes with sadness as he realizes that he is defeated, and not only that is going to have to choke down each and every single one of his MORONIC SENTENCES that I reduced to utter nonsense that is to be disregarded and forgotten about immediately because history is written by the
!!!!V.I.C.T.O.R.I.O.U.S.!!!!!
…AND WELL IF ROGER WAS ACTUALLY RIGHT HE WOULDN’T HAVE TO NARROW DOWN WHEN HE IS SUCCESSFUL AGAINST ME!!!
Because that is just a way to attempt to get inside my head! He thinks he is going to play mind games with me?...HA Roger just learned how to tread water in the shallow end, one step without his floaties in my area of the pool and I’ll
!!!!F’N DROWN THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!!
RIGHT THERE IN THE SHALLOW END WITH HIS PHUCKIN FLOATIES ON!!!
Because it drives Roger nuts! I know it eats him alive, how he can sit there with the NEW World Heavyweight Championship Belt…A girl who up until recently was on a very and I do mean VERY short list of people in this business I actually respected, and yet still some how despite all of that…Deep down isn’t content with any of it, because he knows deep down that he still is no where near as
!!!!G.R.E.A.T. AS THE DoN oF Di$Re$PeCT!!!!!
IM COOLER, WITTIER, STRONGER, FASTER, SEXIER, MEANER, AND SMARTER THAN HE COULD EVER HOPE TO BE!
I don’t need a man servant following me around telling me which foot my shoes go on, I don’t even need to sit here and film my promos for NEW half of completely naked putting my fingers in my Wife’s phuck holes to prove to the world that I am the object of her affection and that I am cool enough to where I get laid by the type of women most men only bang with their eyes closed and with a fist full of jergens or their moms shampoo! Nope I don’t have to film myself doing any of that, because well
!!!!I’M LA JOHNNY STYLEZ!!!!
IT’S ALREADY IMPLIED!!!!
And to me that’s the best part Howard…Yes Roger Wright most definitely had the most successful NEW World Heavyweight Title reign in the history of the NEW World Heavyweight Title…Yet despite that…LA Johnny Stylez is still the man people think first when they say BEST…Or who the best CHAMPION is or was, and always will be! And I have been in that ring with Roger and I have seen him reach that realization so many times I know it’s been beaten into the back of his brain like the BITCH HE IS! Because Roger may be a lot of things, but stupid aint on that list! Now he isn’t the most brilliant strategist, but I’d say his success has come more so from being an opportunist than anything! Because whiule he sat there in that little promo Artie was making fun of a few minutes ago bragging to me about how he defended the NEW Title last week, talking me down because I didn’t defend the NEW title as many times as he seems to think I needed to. When at the end of the day…I’m not some dumb shit wrestling fan who forgets the details about what happened! But if he for two seconds think that he can stand toe to toe, face to face with me and call that bullshit last week defending the title, then perhaps our boy Roger
!!!!!HAS LOST HIS MIND!!!!
…AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT FOOLZ AND THEIR GOLD DON’T YA?
Because yes Roger Wright left Miami with the NEW World Heavyweight Championship…and yes the announcer even proclaimed him still the NEW World Heavyweight Champion…and even the history books will record that as a successful title defense! But see that’s where I come in…That’s why I am wwho I am…Because I am not afraid to get right back in his punk ass face and tell him that bullshit aint gunna cut it! Because while it was a very grueling and competitive match…Nomad picked up the mic and said when he wants Roger’s belt he will take it…And then kicked the cage over and sent Roger flying through the announce table…The bell rang because of a technicality and if he is proud of that I can’t really say I blame him, because at this juncture I guess the son of a bitch needs to take what he can get right? But I’ll tell you why he is proud…He is proud because while the rest of us hear the noises in the arena…The voices the music the pyro…All Roger has heard since the ref raised his hand at Ascension and handed him the NEW Championship, was a slight ominous ticking sound! Because he knew the moment he was pronounced NEW Champion…His time in the spotlight WAS AND STILL VERY PHUCKIN MUCH IS
!!!!!RuNNiNG The PHuCK OUT!!!!!
…AND LATELY THE TICKING HAS ONLY GROWN LOUDER!!!!
Because now the stakes are raised a little bit higher. Because as we both knew it would as it has everytime…It is as trhough everytime Roger and I climb into the ring to face each other it getrs more and more personal everytime!
Blair Buchannan: Yeah because speaking from experience Johnny there is nothing worse in our business than losing to you!
Artie: Yeah but does that also mean there is nothing better than beating him?
Blair Buchannan: Well….
LA Johnny Stylez: No MaM, don’t be bashful now! Tell em the truth!
Blair Buchannan: Well let me put it to you this way I wont sit here and say THERE IS NOTHING BETTER…But if you or anyone is able to pin my husband shoulders to the mat for a 1,2,3 then you know you have accomplished something! And that right there is all the proof I or anyone else ever needs to know it’s US who set the bar! They are just talking out of their asses just to do so! Because both of them briefly at one point or another were the pinnacle of this business, but have since been replaced and they just refuse to accept reality! I beat Anicka Swan live on pay per view, and she said it with her own cum stained lips that she didn’t recognize me as better than her or however the dumb bitch worded it…Like that is supposed to mean something to me or anyone for that matter? I don’t care if she accepts it or not…I got in that ring I took all she had to dish out and I walked out the winner, plain and simple…I proved I am better than her, and I have done so my entire NEW career! And tomorrow night when my husband and I walk down the asile and climb in the ring to give those two
!!!!PATHETICALLY CLUELESS PEASENTZ!!!!
A MEAN DOSE OF REALITY, AND A GLIMPSE INTO THEIR IMMEDIATE FUTURE!
They aren’t going to like it one bit! Because like my husband was saying earlier they will be forced to accept the truth we’ve been telling them since we started this whole DEFIANCE THING!
LA Johnny Stylez: And then they will more than likely fall into the same pattern as countless other idiots in this town who go out drinking one night, sit down and meet someone and start talking, which is more like they just take turns complaining over one another about the shitty hands they were dealt in their lives..So they go in the bathroom and have a little wild public sex…The next thing you know they think they found their soulmate and then off to the very same wedding chapel they go that Blair and I exchangfed our vows in…Only to wake up in the morning, and the booze have worn off, and now they are stuck in a commitiment neither of them have the slightest inkling of what it means and what it will cost to undo their momentary lapse in sanity! And so ends what everyone calls the
~$~ HoNey MooN PHa$e ~$~
…AND FROM WHERE I’M SITTING YALL MIGHT AS WELL CALL THE F’N FAT LADY
!!!!AnD TeLL THaT BITCH SHE’S ON IN 5!!!!
BeCauSe TiMe IS No LoNGeR On YoUR SiDE!!!!
And lemme tell ya this Ani…Yeah he sure seems like a hoot right now…But what do you think he is going to be like when I take EVERYTHING FROM HIM! Because both of you have known me long enough to know that when I come to take from you I phucking TAKE IT ALL!~ I’m taking my belt, my victory, my stature and I’m going to leave him with nothing..Nothing than the clothes he came down to the ring with…And when the medical staff revives him he will find that the one thing he had spent repairing during the time he spent away from the business will be ripped to phucking pieces and scattered all along the front row…And that of course is every last shred of
!!!!D.I.G.N.I.T.Y.!!!!
AS I PROVED TO HIM AND EVERYONE ELSE IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD THAT
!!!!!ROGER WRIGHT…IS WRONG!!!!!
AND A FAILURE, AND A BITCH, AND WELL NOT ME!
Howard Stern: DEAR GOD! How do you do that! That was some vicious shit talking there brother I gotta hand it to ya! You kiss your other with that mouth?
LA Johnny Stylez: Nope, Ive never had the privleage I’m afraid…But don’t feel too bad for me Howard cause I never had a problem kissing your mother with it!
Howard Stern: Johnny, how many times do I gotta ask you to leave Dorthy out of this huh?
LA Johnny Stylez: What you can proposition my wife for sex on the air, but I can’t talk about giving your mother who makes probably THE WORST LASAGANA Ive ever tasted a little kiss?
Howard Stern: Now Damnit Johnny!....Meh you’re right it’s awful…Ma if you are listening to this…Try some aregeno…and well there are other things that go in it besides riciotta cheese! But we love ya Ma..Johnny says hello!
LA Johnny Stylez: Hey MaMa STERN, maybe next time we go out to DINNER…it’s on me!
Artie: JOHNNY! Come on you’ve met Howard’s mother, dinner is probably going to be on you FROM NOW ON!
Robin Quivers: And he’ll have no one to blame but himself!
Howard Stern: What the hell are you guys talking about? You’ve all tasted what my mother insists is lasagna! If you ask me Johnny paying for dinner every time he comes by is the perfect solution! Trust me whatever he spends on dinner is worth not having to taste my mothers slimey flavorless lasagna…It’s kind of like eating wet Styrofoam!
LA Johnny Stylez: I’ll bet that’s not all that different of what it feels like to have sex with Anicka Swan!
Artie: Anal or regular?
Blair Buchannan: Who can tell anymore, I’m sure whatever flap of skin she had that separated the two holes once upon a time was rubbed clean off by carpet burn and public restroom toilets!
Robin Quivers: Oh MY! I am going to be sick! Can we please change the subject! Didn’t you guys come here to…
Artie: DON’T YOU DARE SAY PLUG!
Howard Stern: Promote…I think is the word you geniuses are looking for! What are you two newlyweds here to promote on this lovely morning?
Blair Buchannan: Well we didn’t come here to mention this, but I should let everyone know that my reality show brushing up with The Buchannan’s premiered last night on E as the highest rated Saturday Night premiere in the last eight years! And if any of the fans out there want to know how Johnny and I got married then I suggest you catch it on whatever streaming service you have because well Johnny and I saw it for the first time last night and even we were surprised at some of the things we did that night!
LA Johnny Stylez: Imagine the shit that happened off the camera!
Artie: I’d rather wait till I’m alone for that thank you very much!
Howard Stern: Well we definitely want to thank you two for stopping by always a pleasure when we get to catch up! It’s always a blast having you both on individually, but now that you are married this is even better! You know except I can’t subliminally suggest you sleep with me anymore, but I think I’ll be able to get over it…One day!
LA Johnny Stylez: OHH PHUCK I CAN’T BELIEVE I ALMOST PHUCKIN FORGOT!
Robin Quivers: What did you forget Roger’s balls in your back pocket?
LA Johnny Stylez: ROBIN! Anicka probably ate those for breakfast the morning after she slept with him the first time, because ever since then I think the only people on this planet that were whipped more than your boy Roger were the HEBREW’s when they built the pyramids for the Egyptians!
Howard Stern: As a HEBREW Johnny, I would like to say…WOW THAT WHIPPED HUH?
Robin Quivers: Well what about you Johnny? I’ll bet your life is much different now that you are a married man and the owner of two big well known brand name companys! Before you were just a loud obnoxious, rude, foul mouthed pro wrestler…Now
Blair Buchannan: Now he is a loud, obnoxious, rude, and foul mouthed PRO WRESTLER, BUSINESS MAN, and BOSS!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah well of course Ive changed a little bit! Isn’t that all apart of the human condition anyway? I mean I am still the same in ring competitor Ive always been! But some shit will never change, but at the same time, some shit will always change no matter how much we want it to. Like I know that this may be one of the last runs in the ring I ever take…I just know now that it’s up to me to make sure that this run is so got damn great they still talk about it in comparison when anything in the business happens that anyone cponsiders great…
Howard Stern: Is that all? Any other big changes?
LA Johnny Stylez: Meh a few things here a few things there! I gotta shake a lot of babies and kiss a lot of hands..Ya know that sorta crap! And then there is the philanthropy side that I had to take up once I signed the documents to become 50% Owner of New Edge Wrestling…And that is actually the last thing I wanted to talk to you guys about here today. You see in my contract as Owner of NEW…I am required to give back to local communities that support New Edge, to kind of build a bond and relationship with these towns and cities tht we travel to and from all year long! And well I’m not exactly embarrassed to admit that I’m not exactly the most chairtiable mother phucker in the World…But for what it’s worth I let both Al Envy and Hunter Valentyne ride my coattails way longer than I should of…And when I submitted that to the board they denied it! So I decided to take matters into my own hands!
Artie: OHHH AND THE PLOT THICKENS!
Robin Quivers: Oh dear God I’m almost afraid to hear about it!
Howard Stern: Robin, shush the man is trying to tell a story! Sorry Johnny, please go on…LA Johnny Stylez and Blair Buchannan forced to do charity now this is something I have to hear!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well when I told Blair about what I had to do, being the WIFE she is decided she would do this with me, catching my back like she always has in one way or another! So we put our heads together and tried to come up with something we could give the city of Las Vegas something that it needed and something that would last there for a very long time. And it took a while but when it came to me it hit me like a ton of bricks! So we decided to give them something that was built in the spirit of Sin City itself…And at the same time created a innovative and funny way for people to laugh at themselves while at the same time take the time to do a little personal inventory.! Which believe me if everyone took five minutes out of their day everyday and took their nose out of other people’s business and worried about their own shit then I promise you this world would be a better place, because really some people just really need to get out of their own way! And in order to do that…
Blair Buchannan: BaBy, you are forgetting to tell them the best part!
LA Johnny Stylez: I tell you what PReTTy LaDy, why don’t you tell em huh?
Blair Buchannan: Well thank you!
Howard Stern: I would just like to say I support that decision I have a strange feeling I’ll like whatever it is way more if she says it!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah, that’s kinda why I let her do it!
Robin Quivers: SMART MAN!
LA Johnny Stylez: Happy WIFe HaPPy LiFe YERD?
Blair Buchannan: Well are you going to let me tell them or what?
As Blair goes into her explanation about her and Johnny’s little project, the scene switches from inside Howard Stern’s studio, to outside the construction that we saw Johnny staring at at the end of Blair’s promo and the beginning of this one. We see the construction crews finish putting in two rows of photobooths as now we see a flight of concrete steps built on both sides of the bridge that connect Ceasars Palace and The Bellagio. The concrete steps lead below to a patio area that has a few tables, some vending machines, and on each side of the bridge are three rows of identical photo booths.
As Blair’s words tell the story of what this is exactly we see Johnny and Blair a little while after the interview had concluded speaking at a podium in the center of the bridge connecting Ceasars and the Bellagio. The large crowd of people are cheering as we can’t exactly hear the speeches they are giving, but when we see Blair and Johnny motion to the large black stone plaque carving engraved on both sides above the set of stairs that lead down to the bridge below that reads LAS VEGAS WELCOMES AND INVITES ONE AND ALL TO TAKE A STROLL ACROSS THE
~!{$}!~ WRIGHT-SWAN BRIDGE ~!{$}!~
WHERE YOU ARE FREE TO DO YOURSELF AND THE WORLD A FAVOR BY LITERALLY TAKING A WALK ACROSS THIS SECRET BRIDGE IN HOPES THAT YOU CAN FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE BY THE PATRONZ THIS BRIDGE WAS NAMED AFTER AND GET OVER YOURSELF…-YOUR WELCOME!!!
Blair Buchannan: Now you see when Johnny and I found out we were booked against Roger and Anicka this week and we had to sit there and watch their soft core porn/cW 90210 hack promo…It dawned on both of us…One of the main missions of our group the DEFIANCE, was to rid pro wrestling of a few bad habits it and standards that were put into place by the generation that succeeded ours and turned it into the mockery it is today…
LA Johnny Stylez: That, and well a few months ago when I beat Dane Preston’s ass so bad live on pay per view the toddler inside of him that controls his emotions couldn’t handle it at all, so he ran out of Action Wrestling crying worse than a new born baby whose ear infection
!!!!HAD AN EAR INFECTION!!!!!
…YEAH THAT’S A LOT OF PHUCKIN CRYING!!!
But other than the server amount of violence I had to unleash upon him to beat some humility into that self righteous MID CARD MORON was damn near impossible! But I believe what gave me the mental edge was, before our match which was an AMBULANCE MATCH…I uhhh borrowed an ambulance from the local uh….AMBULANCE STORE? And drove it to home depot….I then loaded it up with all the necessary tools and wood that Dane would need….I then drove that ambulance all the way to the Wolf Family compound where Dane Preston learns to perfect the ancient art of
!!!!!DOUCHE BAGGERY!!!!!
…WHICH I HEAR HE JUST BECAME A GREEN BELT IN!!!!
And I drove it through the front gate, and then bailed out…And just like my beautiful wife would have dione I made sure to leave two post-it notes on the steering wheel after the Wolf Family guards shot the ambulance so many times to make sure no body crawled out of the ambulance alive…But when Jenna’s wife finally worked up the sack to walk out there, she found the note which I’m sure she read aloud to Dane that said….DEAR DANE SINCE THIS IS OUR LAST HURRAH, I THOUGHT IT FITTING TO GET YOU A GIFT…IN THE BACK YOU WILL FIND ALL THE NECESSARY TOOLS, WOOD, and SUPPLIES YOU’LL NEED TO BUILD A BRIDGE, IN HOPES THAT YOU AT LONG LAST DO US ALL AND YOURSELF A FAVOR AND FINALLY
!!!!!GET THE PHUCK OVER YOURSELF!!!!
Because Really Dane Back Then Thought WAY TOO HIGHLY OF HIMSELF!!!
Especially for a man who’s biggest aspiration was to one day fill the tighty whities of the man that fathered his beloved wife, a man who’s legacy in this business for those that remember that name remember him as the biggest HEMROID ON THE ASS OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING known as
~$~ DaMoN “HaVoK” RiGGz ~$~
THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF JACKASSES, JERK OFFS, and MORONZ!!!
A man who could have really meant something to this business if he spent as much time building a brand and maintaining it as he did crying, moaning, bitching, and complaining about any and every little misstep that happened in every wrestling promotion that was dumb enough to over pay him! As far as I knew he was pro wrestling’s first cancer as he almost single handily killed off the circuit Blair and I and a few others Shane Sparx, Jesse Styles, Hazard, Hudson McKnight, and Anicka Swan cut our teeth on! A pro wrestling circuit that saw some of the most talented men and women I have ever known in this business, in some of the greatest matgches…That are all lost and forgotten all because of ONE emotionally stunted pathetic little man, and all of his cock sucking, self righteous, egomaniacal, petty , leeches he called his friends and family destroyed one pro wrestling kingdom after another, all because Damon Havok Riggs didn’t understand or comprehend the fact that somedays he was going to get in that ring and walk out not the winner…A man so afraid of failure he’d rather watch the kingdom crumble rather than use his name value to help it thrive…Well it akll came back to bite him in his bitch ass, because now those of us who do remember the name Damon Riggs
!!!!WiSH WE DiDN’T!!!!!
BECAUSE THAT WALKING MENSTRUAL CYCLE OF A MAN HAS MORE ISSUES THAN COSMO!!!
And you know what they say! Those who do not learn from their mistakes are doomed to repeat them…And I was confident enough that the direction Damon was giving Mr. Preston, and this younger generation of ELITIST JERK OFFS they had been raising away from the view of the world had anything to do with his failures as I’m sure he heaped a lot of the blame on me…Eventhough here I am thriving where he had failed and failed miserably, and the fans hate me way more than they ever hated him! And well Dane obviously learned his lesson, because he ran out of there faster than female interns ran from Bill Cosby’s dressing room in the morning! And it occurred to me that perhaps I should attempt another grand gesture with the same message as it was seemingly very effective and accomplished just what I wanted it to…And so when I shared it with my beautiful wife…It was actually her idea that why be selfish and only allow Roger and Anicka to learn from this message, when I am a man of power and position, and as a result of that I now had a responsibility to the people to help them learn from the same mistakes made by these tremendous arrogant fools that ended up costing them the immortality they wasted so much of their own blood, sweat, and
!!!!!T.E.A.R.Z.!!!!!
…LOTS AND LOTS OF GROWN MAN TEARS…I’M TALKIN F’N KENTWOOD WATER JUG SHIT!!!
And so there you have it!
Blair Buchannan: It is our gift to you Las Vegas and Howard we would be honored if you joined us for the reveal party in three hours you can cut one of the ribbons! And help us deliver this wonderful gift to the masses as we hype up the fans who are in town to witness Ignite live and in person when my Husband in I go down to that ring, and prove to those two infatuated love sick puppies, why their side of the story is just nothing more than a rearranged mangled version of the truth…And why Johnny and I are the genuine article! But we hope after we are done handing them their asses in the center of that ring…That they actually make use of our gift…THE MONUMENT WE built in their honor…
LA Johnny Stylez: Because after we are done giving them a preview of the nightmare their lives are to become going forward when we HUMBLE THEM, and HUMILIATE THEM, and HOPEFULLY GET THEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS AINT THERE WORLD…IT NEVER WAS AND IT NEVER WILL BE…But perhaps they will be able to understand a little better after we’ve made them
!!!!!SoaK!!!!!!
!!!!!SoMe!!!!
!!!!!!UP!!!!!!
…THAT MAYBE THEY SHOULD GET OVER THEMSELVES, BECAUSE THE REST OF US HAVE BEEN FOR QUITE SOOME TIME!!!
And with that, Johnny and Blair turn to each other and slowly bring their faces close together for a kiss…But right before their lips touch, they lower their sunglasses that were rested on their heads…And as soon as the dark thick lenses are covering their eyeballs, and they have that dark cool look about them…They look at the camera and smirking that turns into wicked laughter as they extend their middle fingers, and then turn to each other and share a passionate kiss as the camera fades out and leaves you sad mouth breathers to wonder…Wonder what Blair’s immaculate body looks like with no clothes on…Wonder what their favorite position is…WONDER how an asshole like LA Johnny Stylez and Blair Buchannan can be so good…And how you can go about being half as cool as they are….Which we are afraid there isn’t much most of you can do…Because well look at you! But hey turn those frowns upside down..Because there is always the fact that this time, like last time, and the time before that and so on and so fourth
…HaS BeeN YoUr Plea$uRE!!!!
4:19
GoT
-A-
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