Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2019 19:01:46 GMT -6
…...And here we are. Now I must say the air surely has a different feel around the apartment of my newest unwitting partner in crime Tommy Kain. The man many of you neophyte mouth breathers call “The Cool Rifle”. A moniker I do not understand and in all honesty hope I NEVER understand. But surely his mood and demeanor have noticeably improved since his last contest for that overly dramatic, somewhat barbaric, “wrestling” company known as NEW. If I am to understand, the outcome of his last contest was decidedly different than any of the previous encounters. To put it simply for those of you who can barely scrape two brain cells to rub together to form a borderline coherent thought, Thomas was able to, now how did he put it, yes, and I quote, “HE FUCKING WON!!!!!”
Now granted, it is hard for me to comprehend how anyone wins a contest where both contestants leave battered and bruised but nontheless it appears that Mr. Kain was the victor. Now while I admittedly have no stake in these “wrestling” contests. This last contest was different in that I was conducting an experiment. My scientists have been working on developing a performance enhancing agent. A concoction designed to make the human body stronger, faster, increase reaction time, fully compliment fast twitch muscle response, and over all improve physical performance and make the human body……..better.
Now granted an experiment like this is not without variables. There needed to be a way to administer the serum. This was easy enough, the way Mr. Kain drinks anything that comes in a bottle makes the administration fairly easy. Then of course there is the work of observing the potential results of the serum in a controlled environment which was simple enough with these silly penis measuring contests all these “wrestlers” find themselves in on a seemingly weekly basis. So there I sat watching Tommy Kain and Kevin Drake on a monitor in a locker room. Spending every second not concentrating on my experiment loathing the smell of Axe body spray, sweat, and low grade marijuana.
Fortunately the experiment was a resounding success. In the ring, Kain looked like a machine. His reaction time faster than ever, his athleticism was otherworldly. It was if he was anticipating his opponents movements sooner than they had time to occur. Now sure, to be fair, there was still the concern of side effects. Considering this serum had never been used on a human subject, one could only anticipate anything from mild dehydration to total organ failure or paralysis. From the time of the final bell to the time it took Kain to arrive in this dank, mildew infused locker room, Kain seemed to be free of any side effects at all. It was now just a matter to see if he woke up blind or bald. All that aside, it had come time to study the psychological effects. Physically our subject, looked like a well oiled machine, but what about his mind. Had his confidence increased, his motivation, his proverbial spirit. We needed to wait and see. So I sat and watched as he got dressed and then finished another bottle of that alcoholic, poison, swill, he was always throwing down his throat. He spent several quiet minutes staring into a mirror set just above a sink that had long since been due for a fine scrubbing. Suddenly he addressed me……
Well we did it Goat.
BAHHHHHHHHHHH! (I attempted to explain to Kain that he did nothing, that it was my genius that had won this day.)
I know buddy, it was like riding a bike man. It was just what I needed, a one on one good old fashioned wrasslin match. I mean sure Kevin Drake doesn’t have what anybody would call a stellar win-loss record but hey, I had to start somewhere right?
But as much as I would love to let this victory party keep on rollin like REO Speedwagon. It turns out this week we got us one of those Rumbly kind of deals.
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!(I again attempted to tell Kain that I didn’t care. Even though his physical capabilities had been modified, his conversational skills were not up to par.)
I know Goatster, I hate them too. But either way man, that is what is on the docket so we are gonna make the best of it. I just feel, feel so damn good. Like I could take on the world.
I just need to figure this all out. I mean I wonder if I didn’t get bit by something in my sleep. You don’t think, you don’t think I am becoming……..A FUCKING SUPER HERO! DUDE, HOLY SHIT, WHAT IF I CAN FLY TOMORROW? I MEAN WRASSLIN IS COOL BUT YA KNOW WHAT UNCLE BEN SAID…….
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!(I didn’t know this Uncle Ben, But I know this man child is an idiot.)
That’s right Goat, with great power comes great responsibility. But I don’t need to put the cart in front of your mom or whatever. So I need to wait it out a bit. So in the meantime I can just keep wrasslin and go with the flow. I mean sooner or later I am gonna need a costume and a code name and a secret identity. But for now I better just focus on this Rumbly bumbly deal.
I also need to start hanging out with Johnny and the crew a little more. I mean I am a member of Defiance. The crew that makes their own rules. But somehow I am always hanging out by myself………well and my best buddy Goat.
I am sure they have big plans. And I am sure they are gonna want me to be a part of them. Especially now that I am…….*whispers* super.
BAHHHHHHHHHHH!(That’s it, I am having his voicebox removed.)
Now granted, it is hard for me to comprehend how anyone wins a contest where both contestants leave battered and bruised but nontheless it appears that Mr. Kain was the victor. Now while I admittedly have no stake in these “wrestling” contests. This last contest was different in that I was conducting an experiment. My scientists have been working on developing a performance enhancing agent. A concoction designed to make the human body stronger, faster, increase reaction time, fully compliment fast twitch muscle response, and over all improve physical performance and make the human body……..better.
Now granted an experiment like this is not without variables. There needed to be a way to administer the serum. This was easy enough, the way Mr. Kain drinks anything that comes in a bottle makes the administration fairly easy. Then of course there is the work of observing the potential results of the serum in a controlled environment which was simple enough with these silly penis measuring contests all these “wrestlers” find themselves in on a seemingly weekly basis. So there I sat watching Tommy Kain and Kevin Drake on a monitor in a locker room. Spending every second not concentrating on my experiment loathing the smell of Axe body spray, sweat, and low grade marijuana.
Fortunately the experiment was a resounding success. In the ring, Kain looked like a machine. His reaction time faster than ever, his athleticism was otherworldly. It was if he was anticipating his opponents movements sooner than they had time to occur. Now sure, to be fair, there was still the concern of side effects. Considering this serum had never been used on a human subject, one could only anticipate anything from mild dehydration to total organ failure or paralysis. From the time of the final bell to the time it took Kain to arrive in this dank, mildew infused locker room, Kain seemed to be free of any side effects at all. It was now just a matter to see if he woke up blind or bald. All that aside, it had come time to study the psychological effects. Physically our subject, looked like a well oiled machine, but what about his mind. Had his confidence increased, his motivation, his proverbial spirit. We needed to wait and see. So I sat and watched as he got dressed and then finished another bottle of that alcoholic, poison, swill, he was always throwing down his throat. He spent several quiet minutes staring into a mirror set just above a sink that had long since been due for a fine scrubbing. Suddenly he addressed me……
Well we did it Goat.
BAHHHHHHHHHHH! (I attempted to explain to Kain that he did nothing, that it was my genius that had won this day.)
I know buddy, it was like riding a bike man. It was just what I needed, a one on one good old fashioned wrasslin match. I mean sure Kevin Drake doesn’t have what anybody would call a stellar win-loss record but hey, I had to start somewhere right?
But as much as I would love to let this victory party keep on rollin like REO Speedwagon. It turns out this week we got us one of those Rumbly kind of deals.
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!(I again attempted to tell Kain that I didn’t care. Even though his physical capabilities had been modified, his conversational skills were not up to par.)
I know Goatster, I hate them too. But either way man, that is what is on the docket so we are gonna make the best of it. I just feel, feel so damn good. Like I could take on the world.
I just need to figure this all out. I mean I wonder if I didn’t get bit by something in my sleep. You don’t think, you don’t think I am becoming……..A FUCKING SUPER HERO! DUDE, HOLY SHIT, WHAT IF I CAN FLY TOMORROW? I MEAN WRASSLIN IS COOL BUT YA KNOW WHAT UNCLE BEN SAID…….
BAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!(I didn’t know this Uncle Ben, But I know this man child is an idiot.)
That’s right Goat, with great power comes great responsibility. But I don’t need to put the cart in front of your mom or whatever. So I need to wait it out a bit. So in the meantime I can just keep wrasslin and go with the flow. I mean sooner or later I am gonna need a costume and a code name and a secret identity. But for now I better just focus on this Rumbly bumbly deal.
I also need to start hanging out with Johnny and the crew a little more. I mean I am a member of Defiance. The crew that makes their own rules. But somehow I am always hanging out by myself………well and my best buddy Goat.
I am sure they have big plans. And I am sure they are gonna want me to be a part of them. Especially now that I am…….*whispers* super.
BAHHHHHHHHHHH!(That’s it, I am having his voicebox removed.)