Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2019 21:03:40 GMT -6
Scene opens backstage mere moments after Ignite went off the air. The medical staff on hand was desperately trying to tend to Brandon Moore, who more than likely sustained at the very least one or two major injuries, not to mention the handful of minor ones he is also dealing with at present. But Brandon being the warrior he is refuses all medical treatment save the one he recommended himself which really shouldn’t shock or surprise a single one of you, because even though Brandon Moore isn’t a
?“ “DoCToR””…PeR Say?
He DoES KNoW MoRE THaN HiS FaIR SHaRe oF PHaRMaCiST!!!!
So after cleaning out the good pain meds in the back of the ambulance, Moore sends one of the EMT’s flying out of the back of the truck into the bed of some poor bastard’s truck. The other poor bastard back there just ended up getting choked out with the very same IV they were trying to stick into Moore…But like we just said
!!!!!He WaSN’T HaViN NoNe oF THaT F’N SHIT!!!!
…RIGHT NOW THERE WAS WAY MORE IMPORTANT SHIT GOIN ON!!!!
Due to the amount of blood he lost during his X-KoRe title match against Shane Sparx who by the grace of God and reasoning beyond any logical and believable explanation some how Shane Sparx still represents New Edge Wrestling as it’s X-KoRe Champion! Which of course is just one oF many probles He and The Defiance needed to sort out before New Edge Wrestling broadcasts its second pay per view event in just two weeks known as COLD FRONT!
The War for New Edge Wrestling is still being waged almost on a fed wide scale at this point, yet some how in between the reunion show which got New Edge Wrestling off to one of it’s hottest starts in the company’s history giving promise to a very bright future, yet somewhere in between Jesse Styles hype kicking his cousin LA Johnny Stylez in the face after they won the main event of the first Ignite in over five years, and Kyle Manson almost becoming a thing
!!!!!!SoMEThING WeNT WRoNG!!!!!
AND NEW EDGE’S ONCE UPON A TIME BRIGHT FUTURE LOOKS A BIT DIM!!!!
Of course the roster’s ranks are still very much swelled with some of the greatest talent to ever lace up a pair of boots. And some might say the current NEW roster as it stands today is still one of the strongest rosters in New Edge Wrestling history. But attendance has been down the last two weeks and viewership on New Edge Wrestling.com has begun to slowly decline! And to make matters worse The Paragona of Americana and the rest of The Defiance stumble over their own feet seemingly at almost every turn, making it extraordinarily hard to get their message across from week to week. So much so that bottom feeders like Kyle Manson are able to run them down verbally and there isn’t much to say except for hey
!!!!!KYLE MANSON!!!!
YEAH WE ARE TALKING TO YOU PHUCK MOOK!!!!
Even on our worst days you still provide no other function here other than to jerk the curtain open for the REAL STARS OF NEW EDGE WRESTLING IN THE DEFIANCE! So suck it and close that man pleasing hole you call a mouth lest you find yourselves in the crosshairs of the most dangerous man in the history of pro wrestling, the one and only
~$~ LA JOHNNY STYLEZ ~$~
But getting back to the point Brandon Moore then makes his way to the front of the ambulance where the nerdy looking driver is sitting up front watching the recent video posted to PORNHUB of Ryan Pugh wearing EMILY KORESH OUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT, and he slowly lets his hand start to slowly creep down towards his crotch, as Brandon Moore pokes his head in the front and sees what is going on. Brandon realizing the situation before him decides to make the most of it, as he starts fumbling around his back pocket until he pulls out a pair of sweet shiney silver brass knuckles with small studded spikes in between the knuckles. They were a gift from THE DoN of Di$Re$PeCT that was given to him the night he joined The Defiance and helped The Defiance put the hinderance known as Al Envy where he belongs in the got damn
!!!!UnEMPLoYMeNT LiNe!!!!
AND NOW THAT CHUMP IS WASHING CAR’S FOR CHESTER…TALK ABOUT VERGE OF GREATNESS HUH?
Moore allows the man to get a decent rub going over his pants as he makes a move for the zipper, Moore seeing his perfect opportunity wastes not a moment of it as he….
Brandon Moore: WHAT THE FUGG ARE YOU DOIN YA NASTY LITTLE TWERP?
Moore’s voice utterly startles the young gentlemen as he drops his phone on the floor by Brandon’s feet. Moore bends over and picks up the phone and watches NEW superstar Ryan Pugh violently thrust his unusually tiny manhood into the sister of fellow NEW superstar Nocturnal. Brandon’s lips curve into a smile as he watches this grotesque display of human affection, as the ambulance driver turns and looks at Brandon Moore with a half smile, embarrassment written all over his stupid phuckin face, as Brandon Moore doesn’t bother with the pleasantries as he tosses this taco bell dog of a human being out onto the concrete with his dick practically hanging out of his pants. And as the former EMT driver sits up and rubs his head where he landed on it, Brandon nails him in the dome again with a can of vasoline…Which was very considerate of him!
He then screeches off into the night as he looks down at his phone that is vibrating like it has a bomb in it or some shit. He checks the name on it and then makes a slightly disturbed face as he draws the phone closer to his face to make sure he is reading it correctly…Remember this is moments after his match with Shane Sparx which brought violence to a whole new level. And well trying to drive under these conditions are tough enough without having to read text messages…Unless they, like this one happens to be, is a serious phuckin emergency. Brandon then immediately pats himself down until he finds a soft pack of NEWPORTS, and pops one in his mouth. He uses his DEFIANCE zippo also given to him by LA Johnny Stylez as he lights it and exhales the smoke through his nostrils as he turns the siren on and puts his foot on the pedal all the way down as the vehicles speed increases. He then tosses his phone into the passenger side seat as we are able to see the text message for ourselves that reads…
FRM: Blair Buchannan-Stylez
BRANDON HURRY!!!! NOT DOING SO WELL, GETTING ON PLANE TO NEW ORLEANS! HASN’T SAID A WORD TO ANYONE SINCE OUR MATCH ENDED! GET TO NEW ORLEANS ASAP!!! DON’T GET ARRESTED OR KILLED, LUV YA BYE! –BB
Brandon then gets on the interstate and heads down the turnpike headed towards the mile marker that reads AIRPORT 6 Miles AHEAD!
…THE NEXT DAY
We see a BLACK CADILLIAC ESCALADE parallel parks into an empty spot on Bourbon Street, in down town New Orleans Louisiana. It’s like forty five passed one PM, on a Wednesday afternoon and there are people walking up and down the street drunker than
!!!!!KYLE MANSON’S MOTHER AND FATHER WERE!!!!!
… WHEN THEY DECIDED THEY DIDN’T CARE THEY ARE ALSO BROTHER AND SISTER!
…Which is another incest story for some other incest time…Today we have bigger problems than the reasons Kyle Manson’s forehead is so huge! Brandon Moore steps out of the Escalade wearing his trademark blue suit and looks sharp as a tack. A few people walking up and down Bourbon Street stop and gawk at Brandon Moore who doesn’t even notice the peasents trying to figure out who he is. He doesn’t waste a moment as he slams the door shut, as two large black men dressed in black suiots step out with him and clear everyone back as Brandon motions for one of them to stay with the car and for the other to grab his silver haliburton brief case in the front seat. As the man retrieves what he has been ordered to, Moore walks down the brick garden and into the shitty old building Johnny’s illustrious and priceless apartment over looking the most famous street in the entire United States of AMERICA!!!
As soon as Brandon Moore steps off the elevator into Johnny’s top floor penthouse apartment above the famous TROPICAL ISLE bar that serves up the infamous HANDGRENADE drink on Bourbon Street that is an absolute must for any first time tourists to the city, as it makes a Long Island Ice T seem like the generic propel water! Brandon removes his silver AVIATOR sunglasses and gives Blair a hug as she seems stressed to say the very least. You can tell she has been crying and she is just at the end of her rope.
Brandon Moore: Woah, woah, woah settle down there B! What in the hell happened? What’s goin on?...TALK TO ME!
Blair Buchannan: I don’t know what in the hell happened? I got to my feet in the ring and the next thing I know that got damn pussy Roger took advantage and grabbed me and dropped me with that pussy ass move of his, hurt my damn neck in the process. The next thing I know the refs and Johnny are reviving me and I found out we lost. We got out of the ring and went to the back. Johnny immediately grabbed his bags and told everyone to go home for the week and he would see them at IGNITE…And those were the last words he said…We got back here and he locked himself in the bathroom and won’t come out! The only thing he said for almost three days now is…
LA Johnny Stylez: CALL BRANDON! NOW! TELL HIM I NEED HIM THE PHUCK HERE RIGHT PHUCKIN NOW!!!
Blair Buchannan: SEE? Brandon I don’t know what in the hell to do! Apparently Jesse is coming back this week and we have been running wild all over NEW…Maybe that is why he is acting so got damn crazy?...I honestly don’t know what to do…
Brandon Moore: B, relax babe! Everything is gunna be jussssss fine! You leave it to The DesPiSeD one, I know just how to get our boy’s head screwed back on his shoulders! Don’t you worry yourself no more! All our homie in there needs is his
~$~ MeDeCiNE ~$~
…AND I AINT NO FUGGIN DOCTOR BUT I GOT THAT SHIT ALL THE SAME~!~
JOHNNY OPEN UP…IT’S BRANDON! YO B TELLZ ME YOU FLIPPED YOUR LID A LITTLE THERE BROTHER! WHY DON’T YOU OPEN THIS DOOR AND WE CAN GET YOU WHAT YOU NEED SO EVERYONE CAN STOP PACING IN FRONT OF THIS DAMN DOOR WAITING FOR YOU TO BLOW YOUR BRAINZ OUT OR SOME SHIT!
Suddenly we hear several door lock’s unlocking as suddenly the large white old wooden door swings open and we see The Paragona of Americana standing there in a pair of JOKER sweat pants and a BLACK SPIDERMAN costume t-shirt. His five o’clock shadow is now a 4 a.m. beard, and there are bags underneath the bags under his eyes. He looks exhausted like he hasn’t swept a wink, and well even those thick ass black RAYBANs cant hide them dark circles underneath his eye balls. He looks at Brandon with a concerned look as he doesn’t say anything for a brief moment as the three of the members of The Defiance all stand there and share the awkward silence until the DoN of Di$Re$PeCT looks at the newest member of the faction and says…
LA Johnny Stylez: Well that was kinda dark huh B? Blair you let him inside?
Brandon Moore: Real FuNNy WiSe ASS!!! But you really gunna toss me out? Huh after I came all this way to bring you the shit you need so you can put your helmet on and get your stupid ass back in this game? You know Jesse booked a Rumble style battle royal this week? And we all need to be focused on our shit with the PPV so close…Now aint the time to crack up Johnny I’m tellin you! Throw this little pitty party later man!
LA Johnny Stylez: But that’s not it Brandon…That’s not it at all! Exactly the opposite! I finally phucking get it! It all makes perfect sense to me now…I mean at first yeah you bet your ass I was having a got damn mental breakdown! Worse than anytime Matt Slater took off the dress Cera picked out for him only to discover he was the one with the dick n balls….”ALLEGEDLY”!!!! But I called you, because a few years ago when we took that trip to Japan…
Brandon Moore: Ohhhh yeah which one?...The one time with the midget strippers? Or the time we went and almost got arrested for banging the ambassador’s daughter’s wearing those Samuri shits we stole from the museum in the airport?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhhhhhhhh…..The first one! But that second time was BOMB THOUGH REMEMBER?
Blair Buchannan: AHEMMMMM! I’m not tryin to hear that shit! And I’m standing right here JOHNNY STYLEZ! I can definitely hear it!
Johnny’s ears and eyes perk up as soon as he hears that voice…It’s that deer in headlights look, the same one your toddler gives you when he is sitting there phuckin up all your shit and you catch him red handed and laughing and lovin every minute of it! He then offers her a smile and brushes his hand across the cheek as he nonchalantly tries to play it off…
LA Johnny Stylez: BABY! HEY IS THAT YOU? WHERE YOU BEEN?...
Blair Buchannan: OHHHH NO! Don’t you dare try and pull that move! You know exactly where the phuck I’ve been SIR! I been here waiting for you to get over your bullshit!
LA Johnny Stylez: YEAH, that’s what I’m sayin! I FREAKIN MISSE D YOU TOO!!!
Blair Buchannan: BOY! NO…I tell you what, yall go on and do whatever it is you gunna do! I’ll take the Escalade up to the Riverea and go shopping, and thenb maybe if you’re lucky and I’ll come back!
LA Johnny Stylez: And?
Blair Buchannan: And what mother fucker, you’ll be doin good if we make it that far!
LA Johnny Stylez: Right, Right! You need some money?
Blair Buchannan: No, fortunately the other thing you left out here with your sanity was your pants which had your wallet in it!
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohhhh I’m gunna regret that one later huh?
Blair Buchannan: Well I’m not a banker but I’d say it’s somewhere in the neighborhood of
!!!!LiKeLy!!!!!
…BuT BABY WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE!!!
Brandon Moore: JOHNNY MAKE IT STOP!!!
Blair Buchannan: Fuck you Brandon…and just for that I aint putting no gas in it…KEYS?
Brandon looks at Johnny like is she for real? Johnny looks at her and then back at Brandon, squints his eyes and nods his head yes. Brandon then shrugs his shoulders and hands Blair the keys to his ESCALADE, and she makes her exit. Which as she walks out, in walks the large African male holding a shiney silver brief case. Johnny’s eyes light up as he almost starts jumping up and down he is so excited. Johnny and Brandon take a seat in the two black leather recliner chairs in the center of his living room and the man places the case on the glass table inbetween them. Johnny immediately grabs the case and starts to study it trying to figure out how to get it open,
Brandon Moore: Yo, Yo…JOHNNY, CHILL, CHILL MAN!
LA Johnny Stylez: What?...DO WHAT?...You’re PHUCKIN KIDDING ME! TELL ME YOU’RE KIDDIN ME PLEASE!
Brandon Moore: No I’m not, and if you will calm your hyper ass down I will tell you why! You what whats in this case you crazy bastard! You know where we got it from too! And they told us both…I specifically remember that ugly ole bitch sayin…ONLY TAKE IT WHEELY AWON TOUUU! It SERIOUSLY PHUCK YO HEAD UP! And then there was the laugh!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah that shit was a little disturbing huh?
Brandon Moore: Yeah it was a little off putting yeah!
LA Johnny Stylez: B…I’m tellin you…It’s pretty much all I’ve been thinking about…And I think this is that moment she described briefly while we were leaving. I wish I could remember any of it!
Brandon Moore: So you are sure you are sure?...Is that what you are tellin me?...AND BEFORE YOU ANSWER TAKE ONE MORE MINUTE TO THINK ABOUT IF THIS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT BRUH! Because once I open this got damn case there aint gunna be no goin back or turnin it off!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah, yeah you can’t UNSCRAMBLE SCRAMBLED EGGS! Who gives a phuck, gimme the pill!
Brandon Moore: Alright man! Good luck to ya!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah whatever!
Moore snaps saying something in HATIAN, as the man opens the case in front of Brandon Moore who then points at Johnny. Johnny reaches into the center of the case and pulls out a black bag with a silver string. He then pulls out a small lock combination. He twists the combo in and then the front pops open and inside is this little pill…The bottom was blue but the top was a bunch of different African colors…And you could see the small word VooDoo written down the pill in old English. Johnny wastes no time pops that bad boy in his mouth snatches Brandon’s cigarettes and slams the door and locks what sounds like at least 14 different locks…Brandon then beats on the door and screams…
Brandon Moore; EH?...WHAT IN THE PHUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
LA Johnny Stylez: What I always ask everyone…
!!!!GiMME a F’N MiNuTE!!!!!
….THIS WONT BE LONG….(I HoPe???)
Brandon for real bro…This is just something I gotta do man…Just trust me…Order a pizza or something Ill be out in a bit…I just5 have to know…I just have to see.
Brandon Moore: Aight man, if you need me I’m out here, don’t go slitting your wrists or anything in there…It’s just a few losses man!
LA Johnny Stylez: Brandon…Could you do me a favor homie?...And just maybe from now on don’t share thoughts like that with me?
Brandon Moore: Hey man you asked!
LA Johnny Stylez: NO I PHUCKING DID NOT!!!!
Brandon Moore: WHATEVER BRUH!
The Paragona of Americana gazes into the mirror with the NEW World Heavyweight Title replica hanging over his shoulder. He is nce again admiring the way it looks on him, beause that ladies and gentlemen was secretly his favorite part of the whole thing. Johnny loved everything about Championship belts, but nothing more than the way they looked on him. As he continues to stare at the glimmer from the light causing the Title plate to shine a bit. Then suddenly the mirror looks like it is turning into water, and then Johnny to make sure he was actually seeing what he was, stuck his hand out and sure as shit it went through like it was water. Johnny pulled his hand back and flicked his wrist trying to shake the water loose…Then suddenly the sink turns on and before Johnny knows it he is blasted in the face with water.
He bends over wiping the water from his eyes only he hears the roaring of the crowd. He looks up and finds himself in the front tow for his NEW World Heavyweight Championship match against Avalanche at World War X in 2010…This is one of the most important title matches in the history of NEW, because this Championship encounter was the spark that helped turn NEW into the most successful promotion in the history of pro wrestling. It was an I QUIT match and Johnny had Avalanche dead to rights. His legs were spread and Johnny one way or another wound up with a tazer in his hand and was threatening to zap Avi in the nut sack with it..Seeing not an ounce of give in his eye Avlanche knew he would do it, if it meant he would leave that building with what was becoming increasingly clear was no longer his title. So Avlanche dug down deep and yelled out for all the world to hear him like the coward and unworthy Champion he was.
The bell sounded and the fans were too busy booing and throwing shit in the ring to notice the brief look of ELATION on Johnny’s face when the ref hands him the NEW Championship belt and he hears his name announced over the loud speaker as the NEW…NEW EDGE WRESTLING HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMMMMMPPPIIOOOOONNNNN OFFF THHHHEEE WOOOORRRRLLLLLDDDD< THE PARAGONA OF AMERICANA LA JOHNNNNYYYYYY STYLEZ!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: No shit one of my favorite moments of my entire NEW career. Looking back I know and I just hope Avalanche knows that the only reason he is in such an important match isn’t because of his talent…Actually as it turns out it’s the exact opposite! The only reason Avalanche makes it on the list of most important NEW World Heavyweight Title matches, because it marked the end of NEW’s bingo hall days as right after Johnny won the title superstars from all over gfed were flocking to come compete in the most competitive, entertaining, and innovative wrestling promotion in the world…And one by one they all came. Some never left, some ran out as soon as they got here, but it didn’t matter during those days competing there was the only thing that mattered because competing here meant
!!!!!YOU F’N MaTTeRED!!!!!
….AND I WAS THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!!!
And that my friends is why I set the bar and not that twerp Roger Wright who takes all kindz of credit for all kindz of shit he didn’t do. And see unlike him I will give credit where it is due see, because I have no problem what so ever giving Roger his due when I say his historic and still in my opinion unmatched title reign most definitely continued what I started and helped cement the legacy of the Championship…But Roger has held it six times now and that is the only one that ever mattered or was worth remembering! Me on the other hand…I could have had the title or didn’t people still spoke my name as they do today! With the out most respect with a cunt hair of
!!!!!F.E.A.R.!!!!!!
…AND BEFORE YOU ASK YES I CAN TELL EVERY F’N TIME!!!!
And not because any of you fear me like I’m the got damn boogie man! No you fear me because you know the humiliation and pain that comes with a defeat at my hands. Because I don’t just pin you…I don’t just defeat you…No No, I make
!!!!F’N SURE!!!!!
THAT YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE WATCHIN REMEMBERS WHAT HAPPENED WHEN _____ TRIED TO STEP TO ME!!!
It has never ended well for anyone! I have beaten them all…I have always and will always get the last laugh! So Come on NEW legends in this match one and all…Roger Wright, Ryan Pugh, Shane Sparxx, Nocturnal, it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference who you are…or in some of your cases WERE…Or what you contributed to making New Edge Wrestling the mecca of pro wrestling that it is today…Because none of your contributions combined with each others come even
!!!!!F’N CLOSE!!!!
TO MEANING ANYTHING LIKE MINE DID!!!
So as the door shut behind me, I sank down on my ass and took a deep breathe. What in the phuckin phuck am I doin in here? Why in the phuck am I…WAIT, wait, WAIT, wait…
!!!!!WAIT JUST A GOT DAMN SECOND!!!!!
AM I STILL TRYING TO SOLVE MY PROBLEMS SOBER???
HA well there’s my phucking problem right there! You see most people that don’t like me, which is a great deal of you always pick my love of illegal narcotics as a means to insult me. But see that’s where most of you have it all wrong to begin with! Because don’t any of you find it odd, that this total burn out who slaughters so many brain cells in droves than Hitler did HEBREWZ, is some how always the one who has the upper hand? Is the one who always finds that one thing you don’t want me to discuss and I put a spotlight on it, like it’s Brittney Spears having a wardrobe malfunction at the VMA’S! (THEY STILL DO THOSE RIGHT?) But that’s why I just nonchalantly laugh it off when you morons try and come at me with that dumb shit, because I don’t do the drugs to numb out…I do drugs to FIGURE shit out…I don’t know why I’m that way, I just am…And take a good look around…Go ahead…Look around where you currently are at this very moment…And then if there is a mirror somewhere in the vicinity go ahead and get wacky and take a look into that bitch as well…OK…..Everyone on the same page?...Everyone take a good look at where they are?...
?GOOD!!!!!
BeCaUsE NoW YoU CaN SEE FoR YoURSeLF WHy iTz MuCh FuNNeR To BE ME THAN It IS YoU!!!!
So finally I put an end to this mental agony, as I hold in my hand a narcotic so rare that it is only sold in the darkest corners of some of the America’s most well known “shady spots.” And since my apartment is literally above one of if not the most infamous party streets in this expensive free country of ours, I’d say getting my hands on one of these bad boys is a bit easier for me than it is, for let’s say…
!!!!!EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!!!!!
WHICH IS REASON #5095030430 ITS MUCH BETTER BEING JOHNNY STYLEZ THAN ANYONE ELSE!!!
So what is this little thing I’m holding in my hand right now that looks almost identical to the pill Neo took in the matrix that would send him back into the Matrix. I don’t know if they have an official name for it yet, but apparently it is some narcotic cocktail the United States government aren’t mass producing in order to treat soilders with cases of PTSD, because believe it or not some significant and promising results have been shown in patients that have PTSD that are treated with hallucinogens such as LSD or MDMA…Well one of these bad boys in a pretty unhealthy mix of those two, plus some speed, and BeNZO, and all kind of other shit! I bought it from one of the fortune tellers in Jackson Square..She sells them to tourists but her roommate steals them from the lab she works at down town and them two hoes make a killing!
But the point is, I can’t remember if she told me to open the capsule and snort it because it hits you ten times harder and quicker…Or if that was the reason she told me not to do it…Because now that I consider that also another vague recollection of her telling me that the eight cases where the dumb asses snorted this shit here against their doctor’s wishes all of them wound up
!!!!F’N DEADER!!!!
THAN ALL THINGS TEW!!!!
But I had been up burning the candle at both ends as it were trying to quiet the voices in my head that were mocking me and forcing me to think things I didn’t care to think about. I never asked to be CO-OWNER of New Edge Wrestling…and Just because I am very well suited for the position doesn’t mean its my responsibility to do it either! AH, see there I go again! OK phuck it, I don’t have enough time for this bullshit!...So….
Scene then cuts outside of the bathroom where Johnny has himself locked up, and all of a sudden we hear a huge and distinctive
!!!!!!SNIFFFFFFFF!!!!!!
Ow, Ow, OuCh, OuCH…DAMNIT COCKSUCKER…MOTHER…JESUS IT BURNZZZZZ!!!!!
Brandon’s jaw drops as he immediately begins to beat on the door and scream at the top of his lungs!
Brandon Moore: JOHNNY BOY?....YOU DIDN’T JUST SNORT THAT SHIT DID YOU?
LA Johnny Stylez: What?...Snort what?
Brandon Moore: Don’t be dumb Johnny!
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh you mean the FUKITOL? No, I didn’t snort that shit!
Brandon Moore: GOOD! Because incase you forgot dumb ass….EVERYONE that has put that shit up their nose wound up OD’d and dead in the morning! And those pussies only snorted a quarter of it!
Scene then switches back to Johnny’s side of the wall as he is now looking at the pill capsule that held his super drug, and the few crumbs of it that remained that didn’t go up Johnny’s nose. Johnny then takes a moment to look at himself in the mirror and notices immediately that there is another him in the room. Not just his reflection…But there was another LA Johnny Stylez standing behind his reflection standing there glaring at the Johnny on our side shaking his head. Johnny looks around and then back at the mirror where now his reflection and this other Johnny are standing side by side one another.
The reflection Johnny is of course dressed from head to toe an identical spitting image of himself while the other is dressed in his ring gear. He has the NEW World Heavyweight Championship slung over his shoulder and one half of the NEW Tag Team Title belts fastened around his waist. He is wearing his black and white ED HARDY designed ring shorts, a grey wifebeater and a 4:19 GoT A MiNuTe t-shjirt outsiders style. He even has a pair of white rimmed sunglasses with black lenses glaring back at him.
Suddenly this weird science is broken as Johnny hears a voice coming from behind the door as he quickly snaps back into reality…
Brandon Moore: John?...You ok in there bud? It’s been a few minutes and I haven’t heard you move or nothing…Just aking sure you are still alive in there!?!
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhhh…yeah B….I’m uh….I’m PHUCKING GREAT MAN! Never better actually!
Brandon Moore: Ohh yeah? That shit’s good yo?
LA Johnny Stylez: PHUCK YEAH IT IS DOOD! I snorted the whole phucking thing!
Brandon Moore: GAWWWWDDDD DAMNIT JOHNNY! Do I need to call the hospital?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhh, no please don’t do that! They bring the cops and cops are very very bad Brandon!
Brandon Moore: Even the ones who are on your payroll?
LA Johnny Stylez: What are you kidding me?...THOSE ARE THE WORST PHUCKING ONES! They are like a bunch of Kyle Manson’s….A bunch of idiotic, short sighted,
!!!!IMBECILES!!!!!
WHO DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO CHECK THEIR ASS OR SCRATCH THEIR F’N WATCHES!!!
But think because they have the teeniest tiniest little scrab of power they have the right to talk down to everyone else!...SO NO, NO COPS! OR AMBULANCES! I’[m cool! If you don’t hear from me or if I am not out of this bathroom in the next a hundred minutes then you have my permission to knock this phuckin door down and get me somewhere with some crash panels!
Brandon Moore: A hundred minutes? How fuggin long is that?
LA Johnny Stylez: I said thirty minutes?
Brandon Moore: NO YOU DIDN’T!!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: YES I PHUCKIN DID!
Brandon Moore: NO JOHNNY YOU DIDN’T!
LA Johnny Stylez: BRANDON YES I PHUC….
Johnny Stylez: No YOU DIDN’T JOHNNY! You said a hundred minutes…Which that aint really a thing dood! So maybe just stop talking before Brandon out there thinks you are some wet TWAT that can’t hold his shit!
LA Johnny Stylez: YOU ARE RIGHT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!
Brandon Moore: What?...I mean I agree, I just don’t know what the fug you are talking about my boy! But look I’m step out and take this phone call real quick Ill be back to check on you in a few cool?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah man, call me back later or whatever! I gotta go….
Johnny Stylez: Of course I’m right ya phuckin DILDO! I’m you! Well, the better parts of you if we are being more specific! But listen we don’t really have a lot of time to get into all of that…Apparently something is bothering the me inside of you, and we need to handle that shit and handle it now before it costs us more than it already has! So are you ready PHUCK ASS?
LA Johnny Stylez: Ummm….?
Johnny Stylez: I didn’t ask you who likes dick more out of Bobby Backdoor or Ryan Pugh, I asked you if you were ready to deal with yoiur own shit, put it behind you, open that door then go out there and start accomplishing the mission you returned to accomplish?
LA Johnny Stylez: I…
Johnny Stylez: What the phuck am I asking you for?...OF COURSE YOU DO! You know how I know that shit?
Real world Johnny at this point has given up trying to fight with this rather mouthy version of himself…Which ya know I have to admit, I can see why most of you can’t stand this
!!!!A.S.S.H.O.L.E.!!!!!
…HE IS INSUFFERABLY ARROGANT! AND KNOW WHAT ELSE?...HE’S F’N RUDE
!!!!!AS PHUCK!!!!!
But He IS GOOD LOOKIN AINT HE?
Johnny Stylez: Anyway if you are done blubbering around here maybe we can get this show on the road because we really aint workin with a lot of time slick!
LA Johnny Stylez: Where in the phuck are we goin? I can’t drive anywhere…And you aren’t real so I guess that means you are out too! And well I aint walkin down the stairs that lead to Bourbon street, much less go walking on that damn street itself, because the minute I show my face some Douche bag wrestling fan is going to run up and ask me for my autograph, then a picture, then he is going to ask me all kinds of dumb ass questions, like what was I thinking the night I failed to regain my NEW Title from Chris Shields at Hollow Night Fight which was the night after my birthday?
Johnny Stylez: People ask us that kind of shit?...How stupid? I mean how do they think you felt?...Like you wanted to throw yourself at some on coming traffic, because the only thing worse than being Chris Shields is…
!!!!BEING HUNTER VALENTYNE!!!!
BUT THEN AGAIN ARGUING OVER WHO IS MORE RETARDED THERE IS LIKE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO SUX THE MOST OUT OF DANE PRESTON…?
Johnny Stylez: And that walking splooge sock Damon Riggs?
LA Johnny Stylez: EXXXACCCTLLLYYYYYY!!!
Johnny Stylez: You havin fun?
LA Johnny Stylez: HECK YEAH! THIS DOPE IS ACTUALLY PRETTY FRICKEN DOPE!’
Johnny Stylez: Yeah well settle down cowboy, because you aint seen nothing yet! Now are you ready to go or what?...I SWEAR if you were ever on time for anything I know at least six people just off the top of my head that would literally drop dead from shock!
LA Johnny Stylez: I aint goin no where with you till you tell me where the phuck we are going and how we are gunna phuckin get there?
Johnny Stylez: We are going to find one of your memorys because shit has gotten so out of hand around here lately that you have lost your confidence…Which means you have lost sight of why we are here to begin with. So if we can go find it then we grab it and put it back where it goes, then we can snap out of this phuckin drug trance we are in, and hopefully you survive it unlike the other morons who tried what we did!...But really Johnny I’m thinkin you shouldn’t have snorted the whole thing!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah you know what you’re right..That was phuckin dumb as phuck! Maybe we should sta….
Johnny Stylez: Bitch please…Do you want to lose this Rumble Match we have this week?
LA Johnny Stylez: Should leave that problem for someone that wants to handle it!
Johnny Stylez: Are you talking about FuTuRe JoHNNy!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: The one and only! You know him?
Johnny Stylez: Sure do, and ohhh spoiler alert! He’s a PHUCKIN ASSHOLE!
LA Johnny Stylez: Sounds like my KiNda DooD!! SO ok now we know where we are goin, how in the phuck are we gunna get there?
Suddenly CHAMPION Johnny steps out of the mirror and stands right next to himself. He wraps his arm around his shoulder and pulls him close, and motions with his head for crying wet rag Johnny to look at himself in the mirror.
Johnny Stylez: You see that handsome devil staring at the both of us right now?
LA Johnny Stylez: I…I’m…uhhh yeah I see him?
Johnny Stylez: Don’t worry phuck mook YOU SEE HIM! Now whenever you are ready lean in and he will tell you exactly how to get where we need to go….Ohh and remember that shit I said about knowing where we are going?
LA Johnny Stylez: YES! And thank GOD for that, because I don’t even know what I did with my feet! I’m not exactly sure where I am right now, so if we were counting on me to know where we are going then I’d say we are like EMILY KORESH’s PORNHUB debut and I’d go ahead and say we’re
!!!!P.H.U.C.K.E.D.!!!!!
AND JUST LIKE EMILY’S POOR NOT SO VIRGIN BUTT HOLE…IT AINT IN A GOOD WAY!!!
Johnny Stylez: Yeah well, look remember when I said I knew where we were going?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhh…? Yeah?
Johnny Stylez: Well that’s not entirely true!
LA Johnny Stylez: Huh?
Johnny Stylez: I’m sorry what?
LA Johnny Stylez: But you said…
Johnny Stylez: …OOPS!
Suddenly Johnny’s reflection rolls his eyes and lunges towards phucked up Johnny, as Champion Johnny gives himself a slight shove to make sure reflection Johnny catches him. As Reflection Johnny grabs our boy he pulls him into the mirror and suddenly we see splashes of water like they jumped into a pool splash against the sink. Champion Johnny then looks around the counter and sees Johnny’s bag of weed and his New Orleans Saints glass pipe, he grabs it, loads it, lights it, and blows it out as he looks into the camera and lowers his sunglasses and winks as he then jumps into the window as well splashing even more water onto the sink and the floor below.
Scene then switches into some crazy underwater cavern where all we can see is the pale grayish yellow color the water is giving off as the Johnny’s make their way through the universe.
He bends over wiping the water from his eyes only he hears the roaring of the crowd. He looks up and finds himself in the front tow for his NEW World Heavyweight Championship match against Avalanche at World War X in 2010…This is one of the most important title matches in the history of NEW, because this Championship encounter was the spark that helped turn NEW into the most successful promotion in the history of pro wrestling. It was an I QUIT match and Johnny had Avalanche dead to rights. His legs were spread and Johnny one way or another wound up with a tazer in his hand and was threatening to zap Avi in the nut sack with it..Seeing not an ounce of give in his eye Avlanche knew he would do it, if it meant he would leave that building with what was becoming increasingly clear was no longer his title. So Avlanche dug down deep and yelled out for all the world to hear him like the coward and unworthy Champion he was.
The bell sounded and the fans were too busy booing and throwing shit in the ring to notice the brief look of ELATION on Johnny’s face when the ref hands him the NEW Championship belt and he hears his name announced over the loud speaker as the NEW…NEW EDGE WRESTLING HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMMMMMPPPIIOOOOONNNNN OFFF THHHHEEE WOOOORRRRLLLLLDDDD< THE PARAGONA OF AMERICANA LA JOHNNNNYYYYYY STYLEZ!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: No shit one of my favorite moments of my entire NEW career. Looking back I know and I just hope Avalanche knows that the only reason he is in such an important match isn’t because of his talent…Actually as it turns out it’s the exact opposite! The only reason Avalanche makes it on the list of most important NEW World Heavyweight Title matches, because it marked the end of NEW’s bingo hall days as right after Johnny won the title superstars from all over gfed were flocking to come compete in the most competitive, entertaining, and innovative wrestling promotion in the world…And one by one they all came. Some never left, some ran out as soon as they got here, but it didn’t matter during those days competing there was the only thing that mattered because competing here meant
!!!!!YOU F’N MaTTeRED!!!!!
….AND I WAS THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!!!
And that my friends is why I set the bar and not that twerp Roger Wright who takes all kindz of credit for all kindz of shit he didn’t do. And see unlike him I will give credit where it is due see, because I have no problem what so ever giving Roger his due when I say his historic and still in my opinion unmatched title reign most definitely continued what I started and helped cement the legacy of the Championship…But Roger has held it six times now and that is the only one that ever mattered or was worth remembering! Me on the other hand…I could have had the title or didn’t people still spoke my name as they do today! With the out most respect with a cunt hair of
!!!!!F.E.A.R.!!!!!!
…AND BEFORE YOU ASK YES I CAN TELL EVERY F’N TIME!!!!
And not because any of you fear me like I’m the got damn boogie man! No you fear me because you know the humiliation and pain that comes with a defeat at my hands. Because I don’t just pin you…I don’t just defeat you…No No, I make
!!!!F’N SURE!!!!!
THAT YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE WATCHIN REMEMBERS WHAT HAPPENED WHEN _____ TRIED TO STEP TO ME!!!
It has never ended well for anyone! I have beaten them all…I have always and will always get the last laugh! So Come on NEW legends in this match one and all…Roger Wright, Ryan Pugh, Shane Sparxx, Nocturnal, it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference who you are…or in some of your cases WERE…Or what you contributed to making New Edge Wrestling the mecca of pro wrestling that it is today…Because none of your contributions combined with each others come even
!!!!!F’N CLOSE!!!!
TO MEANING ANYTHING LIKE MINE DID!!!!
Because at the end of the day the answer to the age old question of whether the man makes the title or the title makes the man…Most of the phuck mooks that infest my business with their stupidity and inferiority are too got damn
!!!!!STuPiDeRRRRRR!!!!!!
TO REALIZE IT’S A TRICK F’N QUESTION!!!!
The answer is both! It just depends on where a man is at in his career when The GOLD TANGIBLE SYMBOL OF YOUR GREATNESS finds its way into your possession! But you see that is also where we, and only we exist because any and every time we won that thing we needed it almost as badly as it needed us! Because look the first time we saved it from the clutches of Senior KRISPY KREME Avalanche!
Johnny Stylez: Wait, do you call him that because he was a fat piece of shit loser curtain jerker?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhh, well yeah that…AND because I hear he works there now!
Johnny Stylez: Ohhh WORD!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well Johnny, I’m glad we came here but I still don’t think this is what we are looking for?
Johnny Stylez: Yeah I didn’t think so either, it just seemed like the most logical place to start! So guess we should get going then, because any minute now Al Envy is going to come out of the crowd and PHUCK YOUR SHIT ALL UP!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah too bad it took him almost three years to beat me! And really only pulled it off once!
Johnny Stylez: Ha, ya know it’s funny when you think about how much he and Roger Wright actually have in common?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah well…they both struggle in the ring against me, they both think they are way better than they actually are…And then there is the simple bit that they think everyone likes watching them have sex every week!
Johnny Stylez: And you are forgetting one big one…One might even say it’s the most obvious one!
LA Johnny Stylez: What? The fact that the main reason both of them hate me so much is because they aren’t me?
Johnny Stylez: I was going to say they both cried after you beat them, but that’s because you didn’t just take their titles from them, you did way more than hurt their feelings…You turned Roger’s boyfriend/assistant into a raging heroine addict… But you took Al Envy’s daughter and let her spend the day with both members of the Insane Clown Posse…When he came to pick her up she had clown make up on remember?
LA Johnny Stylez: YEAH THAT SHIT WAS SOOOOO DOPE!
Johnny Stylez: Yeah almost as dope as when you handcuffed Al Envy to the ring and forced him to watch you and your old side kick shave Molly Mayhem’s head!
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohhhh yeah I almost forgot about that one!
Johnny Stylez: Really?
LA Johnny Stylez: What are you phuckin kiddin me that shit was classic?!?!...Let’s get the phuck outta here!
Johnny and Johnny then walk outside find the first car they see and jump into the glass that also take on the watery form the mirror did earlier…And just like earlier it makes a huge splash like they both jumped into a pool at the same time. Some little old white lady is slowly making her way to the cab that is next to the car Johnny and Johnny jumped into but before she can reach past her walker to the door handle she is splashed by water and is soaked as she looks around more confused then she was when she woke up this morning???
Johnny and Johnny then find themselves ontop of the cage in what was one of Johnny Stylez favorite victories in all of his career but as it turns out was the worstr got damn match he ever had been apart of…As then Collision World Heavyweight Champion Roger Wright was defending his newly won title against top contenders Ryan Pugh, LA Johnny Stylez and was supposed to be Chris Shields, but somewhere in between Hallows Night Fight and Kamikazee he realized how worthless he is and killed himself…The fans even popped when the news broke…And some moron in the truck thought it would be even funnier if they played some promo he had cut before the event moments before he killed himself…And while that dude got fired for airing the tape…He was right, it did make the whole situation much funnier!
We see a huge timer on the NEWTRON is almost winding down to zero. Roger Wright is stuck in some cage for some reason while Johnny had just blasted Ryan Pugh with the CURTAIN JERKER and had his legs hooked for the 1……2…….3….The ref shot up and called for the bell as almost at the same time the buzzer goes off signaling the end of the match. Johnny Stylez sits up and looks directly across the ring at his rival and adverseary Roger Wright who right then and right there
!!!!!KNeW WHaT F’N TiME IT WaS!!!!!
…OR WHAT TIME IT WASN’T….ANYMORE!!!!!
Roger knew his Collision Title reign had come to an end…And he also knew that no matter how much he hated Johnny for what he did to his best friend and pillow biting buddy Shane in that moment he realized there was absolutely nothing at all he could do about it. Because in that moment Johnny had managed to take everything Roger held dear and tossed it inside of a universal shredder as from that day on Roger Wright was never the same man again!
The Johnny’s sit ontop of the cage watching this and look out at the sea of faceless people booing their heads of screaming at the top of their lungs throwing shit at Johnny eventhough there was a steel cage inbetween them and him. But Johnny is handed his NEW World Heavyweight Championship…And once again if you look closely you see his eyes sparkle with a sense of vindication as Johnny had fought like a man possessed by the devil himself to get back to that title belt. And finally after all his scratching and clwing, ups and downs, blood, sweat and tears…He pinned TONZ of FUN for running out on him leaving him to be fed to the wolves known as the TPT…But also even the score with Roger Wright, and also got back what is, was, and always will be his…THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE! Johnny held that title and took it everywhere with him over the next few months as he held that title with a sense of pride no other man that has held a World Championship anywhere did.
LA Johnny Stylez: Shit in a few months I even climbed in the ring with that fat phuckin tub of goo SPOTLIGHT WHORE RYAN PUGH! We were both World Champions…and I straight up
!!!!!WHooPED HIS PUNK ASS!!!!!!
…IN HIS OWN GOT DAMN MATCH THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!
IT WAS PHUCKING SWEET!!!
Johnny Stylez: HELL YEAH IT WAS!!! I think we still have the footage you took of what happened after the medical staff was able to revivie him….
LA Johnny Stylez: “Ohh,…uhhh WHAT HAPPENED?....DID I BEAT HIM.”?
!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!
…NoPe SuRE DiDN’T ToNZ oF FUN!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAH
Johnny Stylez: That is phuckin great! But I still don’t think this is what we are looking for!
LA Johnny Stylez: What are you thinkin when I won the Xtreme Title and became Blackout Champion?
Johnny Stylez: Emmmm, kinda…
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh you mean the time I…NO! NO PHUCK THAT! We aren’t going there!
Johnny Stylez: THE PHUCK YOU’RE NOT!
LA Johnny Stylez: But no I don’t wanna! Can’t we go somewhere else? Like when I won the Youngblood titke? Or when Pugh and I beat Slater and XXX?
Johnny Stylez: Ye…NO!
LA Johnny Stylez: BUT WAIT I CAN’T SWIM!
Johnny Stylez: HA, NICE TRY MORON!
LA Johnny Stylez: REALLY YOU THINK SO?
Johnny Stylez: NO, I don’t! NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT!
LA Johnny Stylez: GAAAWWWDDDD DAMNIT!!!!
Back into the water they go…Only this time we see Champion Johnny pulling LA Johnny Stylez kicking and screaming to what appears to be the
!!!!!SHALLOW END!!!!!!
DuN, DuN, DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Champion Johnny shoves a large door open and uses all of his strength to send LA Johnny Stylez flying up out of the water. The Johnny’s catch their breathe as they find themselves inside the extremely lavish locker room that brings a warm smile to both Johnny’s faces as they get stuck in the moment as they remember their cherished days they spent as members of the SUPER GROUP that dominated New Edge Wrestling more than any other force in wrestling history…Of course you know I am referring to the
~!$!~ cRu ~!$!~
…YA KNOW THEM BOYZ WHO WERE #BeTTeRTHaNu!!!!!
But both Johnny’s smile quickly fade as we see LA Johnny Stylez had just wrapped an interview with Jill Matthews after defeating Jason Scene earlier in the evening taking his NEW Xtreme title in th eproccess and crowning himself the second only BLACKOUT Champion in NEW history! Johnny is standing there admiring himself in the mirror holding the one NEW title that had alluded him up until this point. Johnny watched himself pose with the title remembering exactly what he was thinking. Making all kinds of plans because if there ever was a Championship that fit Johnny Stylez other than the NEW World Heavyweight Championship it was the Xtreme Championship. A division without any rules or regulations. The only requirement is that you completely and utterly mame and destroy your opponent to where even if they could get up they don’t in fear of having what’s left of their teeth smacked into the front row like Jason Scene’s million dollar smile that night. Yet Johnny’s next memory doesn’t continue the warm smile from momentrs before as his smile quickly changes to a frown as then the door opens and in walks none other than then NEW UNDISPUTED WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION XXX. X took all Johnny’s credit for destroying Roger Wright, but truth be told by the time X had dismantled Roger Wright, Roger wasn’t even a fraction of the man he was when Johnny dethroned him!
Yet despite X taking all kinds of credit for destroying an already broken man, he still could never quite achieve the same success Roger or Johnny did with the title because well all of X’s credible challengers were on his side and some say that is one of if not the main reasons X had for forming this super faction. But anyway X walks in and sees Johnny posing with his Xtreme title. X takes the NEW World Heavyweight Championship title from off his shoulder and tosses it on the table directly behind Johnny and sighsn. Johnny trying to not let X interrupt him from accepting his award for GREATEST WRESTLER OF ALL TIME speech. Yet X wouldn’t be ignored because as Johnny would find our very phuckin soon X dilbreately sought Johnny out on this particular evening to discuss a plot that would spare X some humiliation or so he thought.
Champion Johnny sits there and watches as normal Johnny watches on with an emptiness in his eyes that don’t have a hint of his normal swagger or arrogance.
Johnny Stylez: Why so blue Panda Bear?
LA Johnny Stylez: Because I have a life full of sin and debauchery! I have done and said some phucked up ass shit to all kinds of people. I have ruined lives, marriages, careers, and family reunions! And through all of that, I only have one regret in my entire life!
Johnny Stylez: Ohhh yeah tough guy, and what’s that?
LA Johnny Stylez: Man if I had a got damn time machine, you can bet your simple ass I’d go back to this date and tell that bald SuMMa BITCH that he isn’t handing me shit…ESPECIALLY THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! A title that I and a few others literally busted our asses to turn into a symbol of greatness in our industry and I let my greed and esire to be a team player let X talk me into the dumbest got damn thing…That now that I’m thinking about it was the moment that lead to the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship hit a hard decline, as after that I shortly left for PCW and I tried to give the title to Al Envy…SURPRISE SURPRISE he couldn’t hold onto it as he lost it to Adrien Specter or Aaron Abraham or some shit after we left for PCW…And then after that I haven’t held the NEW World Title since! And after that a slue of some of the biggest fricken douche bags, curtain jerkers, and unworthy mouth breathing pussiues who never…and I mean never not today, yesterday or right now…EVER had what it takes to wear that title with the same pride I once did! They never were a representation of what that belt said..no PROVED WE WERE! Inkt, Hunter Valentyne, Nocturnal, Bobby Backdoor, Ryan Pugh, Matthew Slater could never…EVER look at themselves in the mirror and refer to themselves as the absolute
!!!!BEST IN THE FREAKIN WORLD!!!!!
…AND THAT AINT A CATCH PHRASE OR A DUMB PAY PER VIEW NAME!!!
It was a way of life! It was an obsession and my one and only true addiction! Because to hold that Championship while I am around means you had better be what you say you are, or it is only a matter of time before you learn the golden rule they don’t teach you in school…Yet is the first lesson you learn on the streets…Because well I know that you know what they say about
?FooLZ AND THeIR GoLD?
…HMMM I WONDER IF ROGER OR EVERYONE ELSE IN NEW REMEMBERS???
Maybe I can remind them as I toss their moronic asses over the top rope OnE BY PHUCKNG ONE! As I prove to them and everone else young and old…NEW and veteran! Boy or girl…Champion or challenger that if you want to call yourself the best around here…Then this is what its going to take to even come close to even thinking about it…Because I will separate the strong from the weak…I will right my only wrong I have ever committed against NEW…and I will do it in that Rumble tomorrow night as everyone currently on the New Edge Wrestling roster will see first phucking hand that they aren’t allowed anywhere near my WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP, until I have dealt with Roger and his reign as NEW Champion was as short and disappointing as he and Anni’s first, second, and every
!!!!!SeXuaL EnCoUNTeR!!!!!
ONLY HIS FEELINGS MIGHT BE MORE HURT THEN HIS ASSHOLE WAS WHEN SHE BROKE OUT HER RUBBER BLACK STRAP ON FRIEND RIGHT ROG?
Because that is who I am and that’s what the phuck I do!..I’m LA Johnny Stylez and I am the best GOT DAMN WRESTLER to ever step foot inside of an NEW ring…And at Cold Front next week I will march into that ppv the challenger and I will walk out vindicated and ready to take on the world because I will once again be crowned king of NEW! The rest of the wrestling world will bow in awe as Johnny Stylez has returned home to claim what is his…And consequently each and every single member of the NEW roster will be able to see for themselves first hand..and recall in their minds like I am doing at this very moment when LA Johnny Stylez grabbed them by the back of their bitch ass heads and threw them over the top rope and sent them toppling down to the floor below…
Making them and everyone else realize that they can get to top of the mouintan anyway they’d like…Fact is at the end of the day how they got up will make no matter to anyone at all, because they will all leave the same….By me violently throwing them back down to swim with the rest of the guppies in the sea hoping to GOD to catch one of my scraps as I line em up one by one and force em all to
!!!!!SoaK!!!!!
!!!!!SoMe!!!!!
!!!!!!UP!!!!!!!
….BECAUSE INCASE THERE EVER WAS EVEN A SHRED OF DOUBT…I WILL REMIND THEM!!!
Suddenly the scene switches back to a loud thud…and then another, and then another as Brandon Moore rams his shoulder into the door finally knocking it clean off the hinges he looks at his good friend and business associate LA Johnny Stylez who is now standing in the shower with all of his clothes on as he wipes the water from his face that once again has life in it…There is once again a firey passion in his eyes as he looks at Brandon Moore and says…
LA Johnny Stylez: Yo do me a favor homie and get everyone together…It’s time to remind them…and it’s time to tell them that the only way we are going to spread our message is to force it down their throat..and that shit begins this week! They aint gunna like it one bit either!
Brandon Moore: No I suppose they wont!...Where the hell you goin?
LA Johnny Stylez: Change outta these wet clothes and get ready to hand one blonde haired bitch paper CHAMPION his marching papers!...
…See YaLL AT THE RUMBLE…
…It’s Been Your PLeaSuRe
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??
?“ “DoCToR””…PeR Say?
He DoES KNoW MoRE THaN HiS FaIR SHaRe oF PHaRMaCiST!!!!
So after cleaning out the good pain meds in the back of the ambulance, Moore sends one of the EMT’s flying out of the back of the truck into the bed of some poor bastard’s truck. The other poor bastard back there just ended up getting choked out with the very same IV they were trying to stick into Moore…But like we just said
!!!!!He WaSN’T HaViN NoNe oF THaT F’N SHIT!!!!
…RIGHT NOW THERE WAS WAY MORE IMPORTANT SHIT GOIN ON!!!!
Due to the amount of blood he lost during his X-KoRe title match against Shane Sparx who by the grace of God and reasoning beyond any logical and believable explanation some how Shane Sparx still represents New Edge Wrestling as it’s X-KoRe Champion! Which of course is just one oF many probles He and The Defiance needed to sort out before New Edge Wrestling broadcasts its second pay per view event in just two weeks known as COLD FRONT!
The War for New Edge Wrestling is still being waged almost on a fed wide scale at this point, yet some how in between the reunion show which got New Edge Wrestling off to one of it’s hottest starts in the company’s history giving promise to a very bright future, yet somewhere in between Jesse Styles hype kicking his cousin LA Johnny Stylez in the face after they won the main event of the first Ignite in over five years, and Kyle Manson almost becoming a thing
!!!!!!SoMEThING WeNT WRoNG!!!!!
AND NEW EDGE’S ONCE UPON A TIME BRIGHT FUTURE LOOKS A BIT DIM!!!!
Of course the roster’s ranks are still very much swelled with some of the greatest talent to ever lace up a pair of boots. And some might say the current NEW roster as it stands today is still one of the strongest rosters in New Edge Wrestling history. But attendance has been down the last two weeks and viewership on New Edge Wrestling.com has begun to slowly decline! And to make matters worse The Paragona of Americana and the rest of The Defiance stumble over their own feet seemingly at almost every turn, making it extraordinarily hard to get their message across from week to week. So much so that bottom feeders like Kyle Manson are able to run them down verbally and there isn’t much to say except for hey
!!!!!KYLE MANSON!!!!
YEAH WE ARE TALKING TO YOU PHUCK MOOK!!!!
Even on our worst days you still provide no other function here other than to jerk the curtain open for the REAL STARS OF NEW EDGE WRESTLING IN THE DEFIANCE! So suck it and close that man pleasing hole you call a mouth lest you find yourselves in the crosshairs of the most dangerous man in the history of pro wrestling, the one and only
~$~ LA JOHNNY STYLEZ ~$~
But getting back to the point Brandon Moore then makes his way to the front of the ambulance where the nerdy looking driver is sitting up front watching the recent video posted to PORNHUB of Ryan Pugh wearing EMILY KORESH OUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT, and he slowly lets his hand start to slowly creep down towards his crotch, as Brandon Moore pokes his head in the front and sees what is going on. Brandon realizing the situation before him decides to make the most of it, as he starts fumbling around his back pocket until he pulls out a pair of sweet shiney silver brass knuckles with small studded spikes in between the knuckles. They were a gift from THE DoN of Di$Re$PeCT that was given to him the night he joined The Defiance and helped The Defiance put the hinderance known as Al Envy where he belongs in the got damn
!!!!UnEMPLoYMeNT LiNe!!!!
AND NOW THAT CHUMP IS WASHING CAR’S FOR CHESTER…TALK ABOUT VERGE OF GREATNESS HUH?
Moore allows the man to get a decent rub going over his pants as he makes a move for the zipper, Moore seeing his perfect opportunity wastes not a moment of it as he….
Brandon Moore: WHAT THE FUGG ARE YOU DOIN YA NASTY LITTLE TWERP?
Moore’s voice utterly startles the young gentlemen as he drops his phone on the floor by Brandon’s feet. Moore bends over and picks up the phone and watches NEW superstar Ryan Pugh violently thrust his unusually tiny manhood into the sister of fellow NEW superstar Nocturnal. Brandon’s lips curve into a smile as he watches this grotesque display of human affection, as the ambulance driver turns and looks at Brandon Moore with a half smile, embarrassment written all over his stupid phuckin face, as Brandon Moore doesn’t bother with the pleasantries as he tosses this taco bell dog of a human being out onto the concrete with his dick practically hanging out of his pants. And as the former EMT driver sits up and rubs his head where he landed on it, Brandon nails him in the dome again with a can of vasoline…Which was very considerate of him!
He then screeches off into the night as he looks down at his phone that is vibrating like it has a bomb in it or some shit. He checks the name on it and then makes a slightly disturbed face as he draws the phone closer to his face to make sure he is reading it correctly…Remember this is moments after his match with Shane Sparx which brought violence to a whole new level. And well trying to drive under these conditions are tough enough without having to read text messages…Unless they, like this one happens to be, is a serious phuckin emergency. Brandon then immediately pats himself down until he finds a soft pack of NEWPORTS, and pops one in his mouth. He uses his DEFIANCE zippo also given to him by LA Johnny Stylez as he lights it and exhales the smoke through his nostrils as he turns the siren on and puts his foot on the pedal all the way down as the vehicles speed increases. He then tosses his phone into the passenger side seat as we are able to see the text message for ourselves that reads…
FRM: Blair Buchannan-Stylez
BRANDON HURRY!!!! NOT DOING SO WELL, GETTING ON PLANE TO NEW ORLEANS! HASN’T SAID A WORD TO ANYONE SINCE OUR MATCH ENDED! GET TO NEW ORLEANS ASAP!!! DON’T GET ARRESTED OR KILLED, LUV YA BYE! –BB
Brandon then gets on the interstate and heads down the turnpike headed towards the mile marker that reads AIRPORT 6 Miles AHEAD!
…THE NEXT DAY
We see a BLACK CADILLIAC ESCALADE parallel parks into an empty spot on Bourbon Street, in down town New Orleans Louisiana. It’s like forty five passed one PM, on a Wednesday afternoon and there are people walking up and down the street drunker than
!!!!!KYLE MANSON’S MOTHER AND FATHER WERE!!!!!
… WHEN THEY DECIDED THEY DIDN’T CARE THEY ARE ALSO BROTHER AND SISTER!
…Which is another incest story for some other incest time…Today we have bigger problems than the reasons Kyle Manson’s forehead is so huge! Brandon Moore steps out of the Escalade wearing his trademark blue suit and looks sharp as a tack. A few people walking up and down Bourbon Street stop and gawk at Brandon Moore who doesn’t even notice the peasents trying to figure out who he is. He doesn’t waste a moment as he slams the door shut, as two large black men dressed in black suiots step out with him and clear everyone back as Brandon motions for one of them to stay with the car and for the other to grab his silver haliburton brief case in the front seat. As the man retrieves what he has been ordered to, Moore walks down the brick garden and into the shitty old building Johnny’s illustrious and priceless apartment over looking the most famous street in the entire United States of AMERICA!!!
As soon as Brandon Moore steps off the elevator into Johnny’s top floor penthouse apartment above the famous TROPICAL ISLE bar that serves up the infamous HANDGRENADE drink on Bourbon Street that is an absolute must for any first time tourists to the city, as it makes a Long Island Ice T seem like the generic propel water! Brandon removes his silver AVIATOR sunglasses and gives Blair a hug as she seems stressed to say the very least. You can tell she has been crying and she is just at the end of her rope.
Brandon Moore: Woah, woah, woah settle down there B! What in the hell happened? What’s goin on?...TALK TO ME!
Blair Buchannan: I don’t know what in the hell happened? I got to my feet in the ring and the next thing I know that got damn pussy Roger took advantage and grabbed me and dropped me with that pussy ass move of his, hurt my damn neck in the process. The next thing I know the refs and Johnny are reviving me and I found out we lost. We got out of the ring and went to the back. Johnny immediately grabbed his bags and told everyone to go home for the week and he would see them at IGNITE…And those were the last words he said…We got back here and he locked himself in the bathroom and won’t come out! The only thing he said for almost three days now is…
LA Johnny Stylez: CALL BRANDON! NOW! TELL HIM I NEED HIM THE PHUCK HERE RIGHT PHUCKIN NOW!!!
Blair Buchannan: SEE? Brandon I don’t know what in the hell to do! Apparently Jesse is coming back this week and we have been running wild all over NEW…Maybe that is why he is acting so got damn crazy?...I honestly don’t know what to do…
Brandon Moore: B, relax babe! Everything is gunna be jussssss fine! You leave it to The DesPiSeD one, I know just how to get our boy’s head screwed back on his shoulders! Don’t you worry yourself no more! All our homie in there needs is his
~$~ MeDeCiNE ~$~
…AND I AINT NO FUGGIN DOCTOR BUT I GOT THAT SHIT ALL THE SAME~!~
JOHNNY OPEN UP…IT’S BRANDON! YO B TELLZ ME YOU FLIPPED YOUR LID A LITTLE THERE BROTHER! WHY DON’T YOU OPEN THIS DOOR AND WE CAN GET YOU WHAT YOU NEED SO EVERYONE CAN STOP PACING IN FRONT OF THIS DAMN DOOR WAITING FOR YOU TO BLOW YOUR BRAINZ OUT OR SOME SHIT!
Suddenly we hear several door lock’s unlocking as suddenly the large white old wooden door swings open and we see The Paragona of Americana standing there in a pair of JOKER sweat pants and a BLACK SPIDERMAN costume t-shirt. His five o’clock shadow is now a 4 a.m. beard, and there are bags underneath the bags under his eyes. He looks exhausted like he hasn’t swept a wink, and well even those thick ass black RAYBANs cant hide them dark circles underneath his eye balls. He looks at Brandon with a concerned look as he doesn’t say anything for a brief moment as the three of the members of The Defiance all stand there and share the awkward silence until the DoN of Di$Re$PeCT looks at the newest member of the faction and says…
LA Johnny Stylez: Well that was kinda dark huh B? Blair you let him inside?
Brandon Moore: Real FuNNy WiSe ASS!!! But you really gunna toss me out? Huh after I came all this way to bring you the shit you need so you can put your helmet on and get your stupid ass back in this game? You know Jesse booked a Rumble style battle royal this week? And we all need to be focused on our shit with the PPV so close…Now aint the time to crack up Johnny I’m tellin you! Throw this little pitty party later man!
LA Johnny Stylez: But that’s not it Brandon…That’s not it at all! Exactly the opposite! I finally phucking get it! It all makes perfect sense to me now…I mean at first yeah you bet your ass I was having a got damn mental breakdown! Worse than anytime Matt Slater took off the dress Cera picked out for him only to discover he was the one with the dick n balls….”ALLEGEDLY”!!!! But I called you, because a few years ago when we took that trip to Japan…
Brandon Moore: Ohhhh yeah which one?...The one time with the midget strippers? Or the time we went and almost got arrested for banging the ambassador’s daughter’s wearing those Samuri shits we stole from the museum in the airport?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhhhhhhhh…..The first one! But that second time was BOMB THOUGH REMEMBER?
Blair Buchannan: AHEMMMMM! I’m not tryin to hear that shit! And I’m standing right here JOHNNY STYLEZ! I can definitely hear it!
Johnny’s ears and eyes perk up as soon as he hears that voice…It’s that deer in headlights look, the same one your toddler gives you when he is sitting there phuckin up all your shit and you catch him red handed and laughing and lovin every minute of it! He then offers her a smile and brushes his hand across the cheek as he nonchalantly tries to play it off…
LA Johnny Stylez: BABY! HEY IS THAT YOU? WHERE YOU BEEN?...
Blair Buchannan: OHHHH NO! Don’t you dare try and pull that move! You know exactly where the phuck I’ve been SIR! I been here waiting for you to get over your bullshit!
LA Johnny Stylez: YEAH, that’s what I’m sayin! I FREAKIN MISSE D YOU TOO!!!
Blair Buchannan: BOY! NO…I tell you what, yall go on and do whatever it is you gunna do! I’ll take the Escalade up to the Riverea and go shopping, and thenb maybe if you’re lucky and I’ll come back!
LA Johnny Stylez: And?
Blair Buchannan: And what mother fucker, you’ll be doin good if we make it that far!
LA Johnny Stylez: Right, Right! You need some money?
Blair Buchannan: No, fortunately the other thing you left out here with your sanity was your pants which had your wallet in it!
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohhhh I’m gunna regret that one later huh?
Blair Buchannan: Well I’m not a banker but I’d say it’s somewhere in the neighborhood of
!!!!LiKeLy!!!!!
…BuT BABY WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE!!!
Brandon Moore: JOHNNY MAKE IT STOP!!!
Blair Buchannan: Fuck you Brandon…and just for that I aint putting no gas in it…KEYS?
Brandon looks at Johnny like is she for real? Johnny looks at her and then back at Brandon, squints his eyes and nods his head yes. Brandon then shrugs his shoulders and hands Blair the keys to his ESCALADE, and she makes her exit. Which as she walks out, in walks the large African male holding a shiney silver brief case. Johnny’s eyes light up as he almost starts jumping up and down he is so excited. Johnny and Brandon take a seat in the two black leather recliner chairs in the center of his living room and the man places the case on the glass table inbetween them. Johnny immediately grabs the case and starts to study it trying to figure out how to get it open,
Brandon Moore: Yo, Yo…JOHNNY, CHILL, CHILL MAN!
LA Johnny Stylez: What?...DO WHAT?...You’re PHUCKIN KIDDING ME! TELL ME YOU’RE KIDDIN ME PLEASE!
Brandon Moore: No I’m not, and if you will calm your hyper ass down I will tell you why! You what whats in this case you crazy bastard! You know where we got it from too! And they told us both…I specifically remember that ugly ole bitch sayin…ONLY TAKE IT WHEELY AWON TOUUU! It SERIOUSLY PHUCK YO HEAD UP! And then there was the laugh!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah that shit was a little disturbing huh?
Brandon Moore: Yeah it was a little off putting yeah!
LA Johnny Stylez: B…I’m tellin you…It’s pretty much all I’ve been thinking about…And I think this is that moment she described briefly while we were leaving. I wish I could remember any of it!
Brandon Moore: So you are sure you are sure?...Is that what you are tellin me?...AND BEFORE YOU ANSWER TAKE ONE MORE MINUTE TO THINK ABOUT IF THIS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT BRUH! Because once I open this got damn case there aint gunna be no goin back or turnin it off!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah, yeah you can’t UNSCRAMBLE SCRAMBLED EGGS! Who gives a phuck, gimme the pill!
Brandon Moore: Alright man! Good luck to ya!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah whatever!
Moore snaps saying something in HATIAN, as the man opens the case in front of Brandon Moore who then points at Johnny. Johnny reaches into the center of the case and pulls out a black bag with a silver string. He then pulls out a small lock combination. He twists the combo in and then the front pops open and inside is this little pill…The bottom was blue but the top was a bunch of different African colors…And you could see the small word VooDoo written down the pill in old English. Johnny wastes no time pops that bad boy in his mouth snatches Brandon’s cigarettes and slams the door and locks what sounds like at least 14 different locks…Brandon then beats on the door and screams…
Brandon Moore; EH?...WHAT IN THE PHUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
LA Johnny Stylez: What I always ask everyone…
!!!!GiMME a F’N MiNuTE!!!!!
….THIS WONT BE LONG….(I HoPe???)
Brandon for real bro…This is just something I gotta do man…Just trust me…Order a pizza or something Ill be out in a bit…I just5 have to know…I just have to see.
Brandon Moore: Aight man, if you need me I’m out here, don’t go slitting your wrists or anything in there…It’s just a few losses man!
LA Johnny Stylez: Brandon…Could you do me a favor homie?...And just maybe from now on don’t share thoughts like that with me?
Brandon Moore: Hey man you asked!
LA Johnny Stylez: NO I PHUCKING DID NOT!!!!
Brandon Moore: WHATEVER BRUH!
The Paragona of Americana gazes into the mirror with the NEW World Heavyweight Title replica hanging over his shoulder. He is nce again admiring the way it looks on him, beause that ladies and gentlemen was secretly his favorite part of the whole thing. Johnny loved everything about Championship belts, but nothing more than the way they looked on him. As he continues to stare at the glimmer from the light causing the Title plate to shine a bit. Then suddenly the mirror looks like it is turning into water, and then Johnny to make sure he was actually seeing what he was, stuck his hand out and sure as shit it went through like it was water. Johnny pulled his hand back and flicked his wrist trying to shake the water loose…Then suddenly the sink turns on and before Johnny knows it he is blasted in the face with water.
He bends over wiping the water from his eyes only he hears the roaring of the crowd. He looks up and finds himself in the front tow for his NEW World Heavyweight Championship match against Avalanche at World War X in 2010…This is one of the most important title matches in the history of NEW, because this Championship encounter was the spark that helped turn NEW into the most successful promotion in the history of pro wrestling. It was an I QUIT match and Johnny had Avalanche dead to rights. His legs were spread and Johnny one way or another wound up with a tazer in his hand and was threatening to zap Avi in the nut sack with it..Seeing not an ounce of give in his eye Avlanche knew he would do it, if it meant he would leave that building with what was becoming increasingly clear was no longer his title. So Avlanche dug down deep and yelled out for all the world to hear him like the coward and unworthy Champion he was.
The bell sounded and the fans were too busy booing and throwing shit in the ring to notice the brief look of ELATION on Johnny’s face when the ref hands him the NEW Championship belt and he hears his name announced over the loud speaker as the NEW…NEW EDGE WRESTLING HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMMMMMPPPIIOOOOONNNNN OFFF THHHHEEE WOOOORRRRLLLLLDDDD< THE PARAGONA OF AMERICANA LA JOHNNNNYYYYYY STYLEZ!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: No shit one of my favorite moments of my entire NEW career. Looking back I know and I just hope Avalanche knows that the only reason he is in such an important match isn’t because of his talent…Actually as it turns out it’s the exact opposite! The only reason Avalanche makes it on the list of most important NEW World Heavyweight Title matches, because it marked the end of NEW’s bingo hall days as right after Johnny won the title superstars from all over gfed were flocking to come compete in the most competitive, entertaining, and innovative wrestling promotion in the world…And one by one they all came. Some never left, some ran out as soon as they got here, but it didn’t matter during those days competing there was the only thing that mattered because competing here meant
!!!!!YOU F’N MaTTeRED!!!!!
….AND I WAS THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!!!
And that my friends is why I set the bar and not that twerp Roger Wright who takes all kindz of credit for all kindz of shit he didn’t do. And see unlike him I will give credit where it is due see, because I have no problem what so ever giving Roger his due when I say his historic and still in my opinion unmatched title reign most definitely continued what I started and helped cement the legacy of the Championship…But Roger has held it six times now and that is the only one that ever mattered or was worth remembering! Me on the other hand…I could have had the title or didn’t people still spoke my name as they do today! With the out most respect with a cunt hair of
!!!!!F.E.A.R.!!!!!!
…AND BEFORE YOU ASK YES I CAN TELL EVERY F’N TIME!!!!
And not because any of you fear me like I’m the got damn boogie man! No you fear me because you know the humiliation and pain that comes with a defeat at my hands. Because I don’t just pin you…I don’t just defeat you…No No, I make
!!!!F’N SURE!!!!!
THAT YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE WATCHIN REMEMBERS WHAT HAPPENED WHEN _____ TRIED TO STEP TO ME!!!
It has never ended well for anyone! I have beaten them all…I have always and will always get the last laugh! So Come on NEW legends in this match one and all…Roger Wright, Ryan Pugh, Shane Sparxx, Nocturnal, it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference who you are…or in some of your cases WERE…Or what you contributed to making New Edge Wrestling the mecca of pro wrestling that it is today…Because none of your contributions combined with each others come even
!!!!!F’N CLOSE!!!!
TO MEANING ANYTHING LIKE MINE DID!!!
So as the door shut behind me, I sank down on my ass and took a deep breathe. What in the phuckin phuck am I doin in here? Why in the phuck am I…WAIT, wait, WAIT, wait…
!!!!!WAIT JUST A GOT DAMN SECOND!!!!!
AM I STILL TRYING TO SOLVE MY PROBLEMS SOBER???
HA well there’s my phucking problem right there! You see most people that don’t like me, which is a great deal of you always pick my love of illegal narcotics as a means to insult me. But see that’s where most of you have it all wrong to begin with! Because don’t any of you find it odd, that this total burn out who slaughters so many brain cells in droves than Hitler did HEBREWZ, is some how always the one who has the upper hand? Is the one who always finds that one thing you don’t want me to discuss and I put a spotlight on it, like it’s Brittney Spears having a wardrobe malfunction at the VMA’S! (THEY STILL DO THOSE RIGHT?) But that’s why I just nonchalantly laugh it off when you morons try and come at me with that dumb shit, because I don’t do the drugs to numb out…I do drugs to FIGURE shit out…I don’t know why I’m that way, I just am…And take a good look around…Go ahead…Look around where you currently are at this very moment…And then if there is a mirror somewhere in the vicinity go ahead and get wacky and take a look into that bitch as well…OK…..Everyone on the same page?...Everyone take a good look at where they are?...
?GOOD!!!!!
BeCaUsE NoW YoU CaN SEE FoR YoURSeLF WHy iTz MuCh FuNNeR To BE ME THAN It IS YoU!!!!
So finally I put an end to this mental agony, as I hold in my hand a narcotic so rare that it is only sold in the darkest corners of some of the America’s most well known “shady spots.” And since my apartment is literally above one of if not the most infamous party streets in this expensive free country of ours, I’d say getting my hands on one of these bad boys is a bit easier for me than it is, for let’s say…
!!!!!EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!!!!!
WHICH IS REASON #5095030430 ITS MUCH BETTER BEING JOHNNY STYLEZ THAN ANYONE ELSE!!!
So what is this little thing I’m holding in my hand right now that looks almost identical to the pill Neo took in the matrix that would send him back into the Matrix. I don’t know if they have an official name for it yet, but apparently it is some narcotic cocktail the United States government aren’t mass producing in order to treat soilders with cases of PTSD, because believe it or not some significant and promising results have been shown in patients that have PTSD that are treated with hallucinogens such as LSD or MDMA…Well one of these bad boys in a pretty unhealthy mix of those two, plus some speed, and BeNZO, and all kind of other shit! I bought it from one of the fortune tellers in Jackson Square..She sells them to tourists but her roommate steals them from the lab she works at down town and them two hoes make a killing!
But the point is, I can’t remember if she told me to open the capsule and snort it because it hits you ten times harder and quicker…Or if that was the reason she told me not to do it…Because now that I consider that also another vague recollection of her telling me that the eight cases where the dumb asses snorted this shit here against their doctor’s wishes all of them wound up
!!!!F’N DEADER!!!!
THAN ALL THINGS TEW!!!!
But I had been up burning the candle at both ends as it were trying to quiet the voices in my head that were mocking me and forcing me to think things I didn’t care to think about. I never asked to be CO-OWNER of New Edge Wrestling…and Just because I am very well suited for the position doesn’t mean its my responsibility to do it either! AH, see there I go again! OK phuck it, I don’t have enough time for this bullshit!...So….
Scene then cuts outside of the bathroom where Johnny has himself locked up, and all of a sudden we hear a huge and distinctive
!!!!!!SNIFFFFFFFF!!!!!!
Ow, Ow, OuCh, OuCH…DAMNIT COCKSUCKER…MOTHER…JESUS IT BURNZZZZZ!!!!!
Brandon’s jaw drops as he immediately begins to beat on the door and scream at the top of his lungs!
Brandon Moore: JOHNNY BOY?....YOU DIDN’T JUST SNORT THAT SHIT DID YOU?
LA Johnny Stylez: What?...Snort what?
Brandon Moore: Don’t be dumb Johnny!
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh you mean the FUKITOL? No, I didn’t snort that shit!
Brandon Moore: GOOD! Because incase you forgot dumb ass….EVERYONE that has put that shit up their nose wound up OD’d and dead in the morning! And those pussies only snorted a quarter of it!
Scene then switches back to Johnny’s side of the wall as he is now looking at the pill capsule that held his super drug, and the few crumbs of it that remained that didn’t go up Johnny’s nose. Johnny then takes a moment to look at himself in the mirror and notices immediately that there is another him in the room. Not just his reflection…But there was another LA Johnny Stylez standing behind his reflection standing there glaring at the Johnny on our side shaking his head. Johnny looks around and then back at the mirror where now his reflection and this other Johnny are standing side by side one another.
The reflection Johnny is of course dressed from head to toe an identical spitting image of himself while the other is dressed in his ring gear. He has the NEW World Heavyweight Championship slung over his shoulder and one half of the NEW Tag Team Title belts fastened around his waist. He is wearing his black and white ED HARDY designed ring shorts, a grey wifebeater and a 4:19 GoT A MiNuTe t-shjirt outsiders style. He even has a pair of white rimmed sunglasses with black lenses glaring back at him.
Suddenly this weird science is broken as Johnny hears a voice coming from behind the door as he quickly snaps back into reality…
Brandon Moore: John?...You ok in there bud? It’s been a few minutes and I haven’t heard you move or nothing…Just aking sure you are still alive in there!?!
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhhh…yeah B….I’m uh….I’m PHUCKING GREAT MAN! Never better actually!
Brandon Moore: Ohh yeah? That shit’s good yo?
LA Johnny Stylez: PHUCK YEAH IT IS DOOD! I snorted the whole phucking thing!
Brandon Moore: GAWWWWDDDD DAMNIT JOHNNY! Do I need to call the hospital?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhh, no please don’t do that! They bring the cops and cops are very very bad Brandon!
Brandon Moore: Even the ones who are on your payroll?
LA Johnny Stylez: What are you kidding me?...THOSE ARE THE WORST PHUCKING ONES! They are like a bunch of Kyle Manson’s….A bunch of idiotic, short sighted,
!!!!IMBECILES!!!!!
WHO DON’T KNOW WHETHER TO CHECK THEIR ASS OR SCRATCH THEIR F’N WATCHES!!!
But think because they have the teeniest tiniest little scrab of power they have the right to talk down to everyone else!...SO NO, NO COPS! OR AMBULANCES! I’[m cool! If you don’t hear from me or if I am not out of this bathroom in the next a hundred minutes then you have my permission to knock this phuckin door down and get me somewhere with some crash panels!
Brandon Moore: A hundred minutes? How fuggin long is that?
LA Johnny Stylez: I said thirty minutes?
Brandon Moore: NO YOU DIDN’T!!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: YES I PHUCKIN DID!
Brandon Moore: NO JOHNNY YOU DIDN’T!
LA Johnny Stylez: BRANDON YES I PHUC….
Johnny Stylez: No YOU DIDN’T JOHNNY! You said a hundred minutes…Which that aint really a thing dood! So maybe just stop talking before Brandon out there thinks you are some wet TWAT that can’t hold his shit!
LA Johnny Stylez: YOU ARE RIGHT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!
Brandon Moore: What?...I mean I agree, I just don’t know what the fug you are talking about my boy! But look I’m step out and take this phone call real quick Ill be back to check on you in a few cool?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah man, call me back later or whatever! I gotta go….
Johnny Stylez: Of course I’m right ya phuckin DILDO! I’m you! Well, the better parts of you if we are being more specific! But listen we don’t really have a lot of time to get into all of that…Apparently something is bothering the me inside of you, and we need to handle that shit and handle it now before it costs us more than it already has! So are you ready PHUCK ASS?
LA Johnny Stylez: Ummm….?
Johnny Stylez: I didn’t ask you who likes dick more out of Bobby Backdoor or Ryan Pugh, I asked you if you were ready to deal with yoiur own shit, put it behind you, open that door then go out there and start accomplishing the mission you returned to accomplish?
LA Johnny Stylez: I…
Johnny Stylez: What the phuck am I asking you for?...OF COURSE YOU DO! You know how I know that shit?
Real world Johnny at this point has given up trying to fight with this rather mouthy version of himself…Which ya know I have to admit, I can see why most of you can’t stand this
!!!!A.S.S.H.O.L.E.!!!!!
…HE IS INSUFFERABLY ARROGANT! AND KNOW WHAT ELSE?...HE’S F’N RUDE
!!!!!AS PHUCK!!!!!
But He IS GOOD LOOKIN AINT HE?
Johnny Stylez: Anyway if you are done blubbering around here maybe we can get this show on the road because we really aint workin with a lot of time slick!
LA Johnny Stylez: Where in the phuck are we goin? I can’t drive anywhere…And you aren’t real so I guess that means you are out too! And well I aint walkin down the stairs that lead to Bourbon street, much less go walking on that damn street itself, because the minute I show my face some Douche bag wrestling fan is going to run up and ask me for my autograph, then a picture, then he is going to ask me all kinds of dumb ass questions, like what was I thinking the night I failed to regain my NEW Title from Chris Shields at Hollow Night Fight which was the night after my birthday?
Johnny Stylez: People ask us that kind of shit?...How stupid? I mean how do they think you felt?...Like you wanted to throw yourself at some on coming traffic, because the only thing worse than being Chris Shields is…
!!!!BEING HUNTER VALENTYNE!!!!
BUT THEN AGAIN ARGUING OVER WHO IS MORE RETARDED THERE IS LIKE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO SUX THE MOST OUT OF DANE PRESTON…?
Johnny Stylez: And that walking splooge sock Damon Riggs?
LA Johnny Stylez: EXXXACCCTLLLYYYYYY!!!
Johnny Stylez: You havin fun?
LA Johnny Stylez: HECK YEAH! THIS DOPE IS ACTUALLY PRETTY FRICKEN DOPE!’
Johnny Stylez: Yeah well settle down cowboy, because you aint seen nothing yet! Now are you ready to go or what?...I SWEAR if you were ever on time for anything I know at least six people just off the top of my head that would literally drop dead from shock!
LA Johnny Stylez: I aint goin no where with you till you tell me where the phuck we are going and how we are gunna phuckin get there?
Johnny Stylez: We are going to find one of your memorys because shit has gotten so out of hand around here lately that you have lost your confidence…Which means you have lost sight of why we are here to begin with. So if we can go find it then we grab it and put it back where it goes, then we can snap out of this phuckin drug trance we are in, and hopefully you survive it unlike the other morons who tried what we did!...But really Johnny I’m thinkin you shouldn’t have snorted the whole thing!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah you know what you’re right..That was phuckin dumb as phuck! Maybe we should sta….
Johnny Stylez: Bitch please…Do you want to lose this Rumble Match we have this week?
LA Johnny Stylez: Should leave that problem for someone that wants to handle it!
Johnny Stylez: Are you talking about FuTuRe JoHNNy!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: The one and only! You know him?
Johnny Stylez: Sure do, and ohhh spoiler alert! He’s a PHUCKIN ASSHOLE!
LA Johnny Stylez: Sounds like my KiNda DooD!! SO ok now we know where we are goin, how in the phuck are we gunna get there?
Suddenly CHAMPION Johnny steps out of the mirror and stands right next to himself. He wraps his arm around his shoulder and pulls him close, and motions with his head for crying wet rag Johnny to look at himself in the mirror.
Johnny Stylez: You see that handsome devil staring at the both of us right now?
LA Johnny Stylez: I…I’m…uhhh yeah I see him?
Johnny Stylez: Don’t worry phuck mook YOU SEE HIM! Now whenever you are ready lean in and he will tell you exactly how to get where we need to go….Ohh and remember that shit I said about knowing where we are going?
LA Johnny Stylez: YES! And thank GOD for that, because I don’t even know what I did with my feet! I’m not exactly sure where I am right now, so if we were counting on me to know where we are going then I’d say we are like EMILY KORESH’s PORNHUB debut and I’d go ahead and say we’re
!!!!P.H.U.C.K.E.D.!!!!!
AND JUST LIKE EMILY’S POOR NOT SO VIRGIN BUTT HOLE…IT AINT IN A GOOD WAY!!!
Johnny Stylez: Yeah well, look remember when I said I knew where we were going?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhh…? Yeah?
Johnny Stylez: Well that’s not entirely true!
LA Johnny Stylez: Huh?
Johnny Stylez: I’m sorry what?
LA Johnny Stylez: But you said…
Johnny Stylez: …OOPS!
Suddenly Johnny’s reflection rolls his eyes and lunges towards phucked up Johnny, as Champion Johnny gives himself a slight shove to make sure reflection Johnny catches him. As Reflection Johnny grabs our boy he pulls him into the mirror and suddenly we see splashes of water like they jumped into a pool splash against the sink. Champion Johnny then looks around the counter and sees Johnny’s bag of weed and his New Orleans Saints glass pipe, he grabs it, loads it, lights it, and blows it out as he looks into the camera and lowers his sunglasses and winks as he then jumps into the window as well splashing even more water onto the sink and the floor below.
Scene then switches into some crazy underwater cavern where all we can see is the pale grayish yellow color the water is giving off as the Johnny’s make their way through the universe.
He bends over wiping the water from his eyes only he hears the roaring of the crowd. He looks up and finds himself in the front tow for his NEW World Heavyweight Championship match against Avalanche at World War X in 2010…This is one of the most important title matches in the history of NEW, because this Championship encounter was the spark that helped turn NEW into the most successful promotion in the history of pro wrestling. It was an I QUIT match and Johnny had Avalanche dead to rights. His legs were spread and Johnny one way or another wound up with a tazer in his hand and was threatening to zap Avi in the nut sack with it..Seeing not an ounce of give in his eye Avlanche knew he would do it, if it meant he would leave that building with what was becoming increasingly clear was no longer his title. So Avlanche dug down deep and yelled out for all the world to hear him like the coward and unworthy Champion he was.
The bell sounded and the fans were too busy booing and throwing shit in the ring to notice the brief look of ELATION on Johnny’s face when the ref hands him the NEW Championship belt and he hears his name announced over the loud speaker as the NEW…NEW EDGE WRESTLING HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMMMMMPPPIIOOOOONNNNN OFFF THHHHEEE WOOOORRRRLLLLLDDDD< THE PARAGONA OF AMERICANA LA JOHNNNNYYYYYY STYLEZ!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: No shit one of my favorite moments of my entire NEW career. Looking back I know and I just hope Avalanche knows that the only reason he is in such an important match isn’t because of his talent…Actually as it turns out it’s the exact opposite! The only reason Avalanche makes it on the list of most important NEW World Heavyweight Title matches, because it marked the end of NEW’s bingo hall days as right after Johnny won the title superstars from all over gfed were flocking to come compete in the most competitive, entertaining, and innovative wrestling promotion in the world…And one by one they all came. Some never left, some ran out as soon as they got here, but it didn’t matter during those days competing there was the only thing that mattered because competing here meant
!!!!!YOU F’N MaTTeRED!!!!!
….AND I WAS THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!!!
And that my friends is why I set the bar and not that twerp Roger Wright who takes all kindz of credit for all kindz of shit he didn’t do. And see unlike him I will give credit where it is due see, because I have no problem what so ever giving Roger his due when I say his historic and still in my opinion unmatched title reign most definitely continued what I started and helped cement the legacy of the Championship…But Roger has held it six times now and that is the only one that ever mattered or was worth remembering! Me on the other hand…I could have had the title or didn’t people still spoke my name as they do today! With the out most respect with a cunt hair of
!!!!!F.E.A.R.!!!!!!
…AND BEFORE YOU ASK YES I CAN TELL EVERY F’N TIME!!!!
And not because any of you fear me like I’m the got damn boogie man! No you fear me because you know the humiliation and pain that comes with a defeat at my hands. Because I don’t just pin you…I don’t just defeat you…No No, I make
!!!!F’N SURE!!!!!
THAT YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE WATCHIN REMEMBERS WHAT HAPPENED WHEN _____ TRIED TO STEP TO ME!!!
It has never ended well for anyone! I have beaten them all…I have always and will always get the last laugh! So Come on NEW legends in this match one and all…Roger Wright, Ryan Pugh, Shane Sparxx, Nocturnal, it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference who you are…or in some of your cases WERE…Or what you contributed to making New Edge Wrestling the mecca of pro wrestling that it is today…Because none of your contributions combined with each others come even
!!!!!F’N CLOSE!!!!
TO MEANING ANYTHING LIKE MINE DID!!!!
Because at the end of the day the answer to the age old question of whether the man makes the title or the title makes the man…Most of the phuck mooks that infest my business with their stupidity and inferiority are too got damn
!!!!!STuPiDeRRRRRR!!!!!!
TO REALIZE IT’S A TRICK F’N QUESTION!!!!
The answer is both! It just depends on where a man is at in his career when The GOLD TANGIBLE SYMBOL OF YOUR GREATNESS finds its way into your possession! But you see that is also where we, and only we exist because any and every time we won that thing we needed it almost as badly as it needed us! Because look the first time we saved it from the clutches of Senior KRISPY KREME Avalanche!
Johnny Stylez: Wait, do you call him that because he was a fat piece of shit loser curtain jerker?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhh, well yeah that…AND because I hear he works there now!
Johnny Stylez: Ohhh WORD!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well Johnny, I’m glad we came here but I still don’t think this is what we are looking for?
Johnny Stylez: Yeah I didn’t think so either, it just seemed like the most logical place to start! So guess we should get going then, because any minute now Al Envy is going to come out of the crowd and PHUCK YOUR SHIT ALL UP!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah too bad it took him almost three years to beat me! And really only pulled it off once!
Johnny Stylez: Ha, ya know it’s funny when you think about how much he and Roger Wright actually have in common?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah well…they both struggle in the ring against me, they both think they are way better than they actually are…And then there is the simple bit that they think everyone likes watching them have sex every week!
Johnny Stylez: And you are forgetting one big one…One might even say it’s the most obvious one!
LA Johnny Stylez: What? The fact that the main reason both of them hate me so much is because they aren’t me?
Johnny Stylez: I was going to say they both cried after you beat them, but that’s because you didn’t just take their titles from them, you did way more than hurt their feelings…You turned Roger’s boyfriend/assistant into a raging heroine addict… But you took Al Envy’s daughter and let her spend the day with both members of the Insane Clown Posse…When he came to pick her up she had clown make up on remember?
LA Johnny Stylez: YEAH THAT SHIT WAS SOOOOO DOPE!
Johnny Stylez: Yeah almost as dope as when you handcuffed Al Envy to the ring and forced him to watch you and your old side kick shave Molly Mayhem’s head!
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohhhh yeah I almost forgot about that one!
Johnny Stylez: Really?
LA Johnny Stylez: What are you phuckin kiddin me that shit was classic?!?!...Let’s get the phuck outta here!
Johnny and Johnny then walk outside find the first car they see and jump into the glass that also take on the watery form the mirror did earlier…And just like earlier it makes a huge splash like they both jumped into a pool at the same time. Some little old white lady is slowly making her way to the cab that is next to the car Johnny and Johnny jumped into but before she can reach past her walker to the door handle she is splashed by water and is soaked as she looks around more confused then she was when she woke up this morning???
Johnny and Johnny then find themselves ontop of the cage in what was one of Johnny Stylez favorite victories in all of his career but as it turns out was the worstr got damn match he ever had been apart of…As then Collision World Heavyweight Champion Roger Wright was defending his newly won title against top contenders Ryan Pugh, LA Johnny Stylez and was supposed to be Chris Shields, but somewhere in between Hallows Night Fight and Kamikazee he realized how worthless he is and killed himself…The fans even popped when the news broke…And some moron in the truck thought it would be even funnier if they played some promo he had cut before the event moments before he killed himself…And while that dude got fired for airing the tape…He was right, it did make the whole situation much funnier!
We see a huge timer on the NEWTRON is almost winding down to zero. Roger Wright is stuck in some cage for some reason while Johnny had just blasted Ryan Pugh with the CURTAIN JERKER and had his legs hooked for the 1……2…….3….The ref shot up and called for the bell as almost at the same time the buzzer goes off signaling the end of the match. Johnny Stylez sits up and looks directly across the ring at his rival and adverseary Roger Wright who right then and right there
!!!!!KNeW WHaT F’N TiME IT WaS!!!!!
…OR WHAT TIME IT WASN’T….ANYMORE!!!!!
Roger knew his Collision Title reign had come to an end…And he also knew that no matter how much he hated Johnny for what he did to his best friend and pillow biting buddy Shane in that moment he realized there was absolutely nothing at all he could do about it. Because in that moment Johnny had managed to take everything Roger held dear and tossed it inside of a universal shredder as from that day on Roger Wright was never the same man again!
The Johnny’s sit ontop of the cage watching this and look out at the sea of faceless people booing their heads of screaming at the top of their lungs throwing shit at Johnny eventhough there was a steel cage inbetween them and him. But Johnny is handed his NEW World Heavyweight Championship…And once again if you look closely you see his eyes sparkle with a sense of vindication as Johnny had fought like a man possessed by the devil himself to get back to that title belt. And finally after all his scratching and clwing, ups and downs, blood, sweat and tears…He pinned TONZ of FUN for running out on him leaving him to be fed to the wolves known as the TPT…But also even the score with Roger Wright, and also got back what is, was, and always will be his…THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE! Johnny held that title and took it everywhere with him over the next few months as he held that title with a sense of pride no other man that has held a World Championship anywhere did.
LA Johnny Stylez: Shit in a few months I even climbed in the ring with that fat phuckin tub of goo SPOTLIGHT WHORE RYAN PUGH! We were both World Champions…and I straight up
!!!!!WHooPED HIS PUNK ASS!!!!!!
…IN HIS OWN GOT DAMN MATCH THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!
IT WAS PHUCKING SWEET!!!
Johnny Stylez: HELL YEAH IT WAS!!! I think we still have the footage you took of what happened after the medical staff was able to revivie him….
LA Johnny Stylez: “Ohh,…uhhh WHAT HAPPENED?....DID I BEAT HIM.”?
!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!
…NoPe SuRE DiDN’T ToNZ oF FUN!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAH
Johnny Stylez: That is phuckin great! But I still don’t think this is what we are looking for!
LA Johnny Stylez: What are you thinkin when I won the Xtreme Title and became Blackout Champion?
Johnny Stylez: Emmmm, kinda…
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh you mean the time I…NO! NO PHUCK THAT! We aren’t going there!
Johnny Stylez: THE PHUCK YOU’RE NOT!
LA Johnny Stylez: But no I don’t wanna! Can’t we go somewhere else? Like when I won the Youngblood titke? Or when Pugh and I beat Slater and XXX?
Johnny Stylez: Ye…NO!
LA Johnny Stylez: BUT WAIT I CAN’T SWIM!
Johnny Stylez: HA, NICE TRY MORON!
LA Johnny Stylez: REALLY YOU THINK SO?
Johnny Stylez: NO, I don’t! NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT!
LA Johnny Stylez: GAAAWWWDDDD DAMNIT!!!!
Back into the water they go…Only this time we see Champion Johnny pulling LA Johnny Stylez kicking and screaming to what appears to be the
!!!!!SHALLOW END!!!!!!
DuN, DuN, DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Champion Johnny shoves a large door open and uses all of his strength to send LA Johnny Stylez flying up out of the water. The Johnny’s catch their breathe as they find themselves inside the extremely lavish locker room that brings a warm smile to both Johnny’s faces as they get stuck in the moment as they remember their cherished days they spent as members of the SUPER GROUP that dominated New Edge Wrestling more than any other force in wrestling history…Of course you know I am referring to the
~!$!~ cRu ~!$!~
…YA KNOW THEM BOYZ WHO WERE #BeTTeRTHaNu!!!!!
But both Johnny’s smile quickly fade as we see LA Johnny Stylez had just wrapped an interview with Jill Matthews after defeating Jason Scene earlier in the evening taking his NEW Xtreme title in th eproccess and crowning himself the second only BLACKOUT Champion in NEW history! Johnny is standing there admiring himself in the mirror holding the one NEW title that had alluded him up until this point. Johnny watched himself pose with the title remembering exactly what he was thinking. Making all kinds of plans because if there ever was a Championship that fit Johnny Stylez other than the NEW World Heavyweight Championship it was the Xtreme Championship. A division without any rules or regulations. The only requirement is that you completely and utterly mame and destroy your opponent to where even if they could get up they don’t in fear of having what’s left of their teeth smacked into the front row like Jason Scene’s million dollar smile that night. Yet Johnny’s next memory doesn’t continue the warm smile from momentrs before as his smile quickly changes to a frown as then the door opens and in walks none other than then NEW UNDISPUTED WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION XXX. X took all Johnny’s credit for destroying Roger Wright, but truth be told by the time X had dismantled Roger Wright, Roger wasn’t even a fraction of the man he was when Johnny dethroned him!
Yet despite X taking all kinds of credit for destroying an already broken man, he still could never quite achieve the same success Roger or Johnny did with the title because well all of X’s credible challengers were on his side and some say that is one of if not the main reasons X had for forming this super faction. But anyway X walks in and sees Johnny posing with his Xtreme title. X takes the NEW World Heavyweight Championship title from off his shoulder and tosses it on the table directly behind Johnny and sighsn. Johnny trying to not let X interrupt him from accepting his award for GREATEST WRESTLER OF ALL TIME speech. Yet X wouldn’t be ignored because as Johnny would find our very phuckin soon X dilbreately sought Johnny out on this particular evening to discuss a plot that would spare X some humiliation or so he thought.
Champion Johnny sits there and watches as normal Johnny watches on with an emptiness in his eyes that don’t have a hint of his normal swagger or arrogance.
Johnny Stylez: Why so blue Panda Bear?
LA Johnny Stylez: Because I have a life full of sin and debauchery! I have done and said some phucked up ass shit to all kinds of people. I have ruined lives, marriages, careers, and family reunions! And through all of that, I only have one regret in my entire life!
Johnny Stylez: Ohhh yeah tough guy, and what’s that?
LA Johnny Stylez: Man if I had a got damn time machine, you can bet your simple ass I’d go back to this date and tell that bald SuMMa BITCH that he isn’t handing me shit…ESPECIALLY THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! A title that I and a few others literally busted our asses to turn into a symbol of greatness in our industry and I let my greed and esire to be a team player let X talk me into the dumbest got damn thing…That now that I’m thinking about it was the moment that lead to the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship hit a hard decline, as after that I shortly left for PCW and I tried to give the title to Al Envy…SURPRISE SURPRISE he couldn’t hold onto it as he lost it to Adrien Specter or Aaron Abraham or some shit after we left for PCW…And then after that I haven’t held the NEW World Title since! And after that a slue of some of the biggest fricken douche bags, curtain jerkers, and unworthy mouth breathing pussiues who never…and I mean never not today, yesterday or right now…EVER had what it takes to wear that title with the same pride I once did! They never were a representation of what that belt said..no PROVED WE WERE! Inkt, Hunter Valentyne, Nocturnal, Bobby Backdoor, Ryan Pugh, Matthew Slater could never…EVER look at themselves in the mirror and refer to themselves as the absolute
!!!!BEST IN THE FREAKIN WORLD!!!!!
…AND THAT AINT A CATCH PHRASE OR A DUMB PAY PER VIEW NAME!!!
It was a way of life! It was an obsession and my one and only true addiction! Because to hold that Championship while I am around means you had better be what you say you are, or it is only a matter of time before you learn the golden rule they don’t teach you in school…Yet is the first lesson you learn on the streets…Because well I know that you know what they say about
?FooLZ AND THeIR GoLD?
…HMMM I WONDER IF ROGER OR EVERYONE ELSE IN NEW REMEMBERS???
Maybe I can remind them as I toss their moronic asses over the top rope OnE BY PHUCKNG ONE! As I prove to them and everone else young and old…NEW and veteran! Boy or girl…Champion or challenger that if you want to call yourself the best around here…Then this is what its going to take to even come close to even thinking about it…Because I will separate the strong from the weak…I will right my only wrong I have ever committed against NEW…and I will do it in that Rumble tomorrow night as everyone currently on the New Edge Wrestling roster will see first phucking hand that they aren’t allowed anywhere near my WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP, until I have dealt with Roger and his reign as NEW Champion was as short and disappointing as he and Anni’s first, second, and every
!!!!!SeXuaL EnCoUNTeR!!!!!
ONLY HIS FEELINGS MIGHT BE MORE HURT THEN HIS ASSHOLE WAS WHEN SHE BROKE OUT HER RUBBER BLACK STRAP ON FRIEND RIGHT ROG?
Because that is who I am and that’s what the phuck I do!..I’m LA Johnny Stylez and I am the best GOT DAMN WRESTLER to ever step foot inside of an NEW ring…And at Cold Front next week I will march into that ppv the challenger and I will walk out vindicated and ready to take on the world because I will once again be crowned king of NEW! The rest of the wrestling world will bow in awe as Johnny Stylez has returned home to claim what is his…And consequently each and every single member of the NEW roster will be able to see for themselves first hand..and recall in their minds like I am doing at this very moment when LA Johnny Stylez grabbed them by the back of their bitch ass heads and threw them over the top rope and sent them toppling down to the floor below…
Making them and everyone else realize that they can get to top of the mouintan anyway they’d like…Fact is at the end of the day how they got up will make no matter to anyone at all, because they will all leave the same….By me violently throwing them back down to swim with the rest of the guppies in the sea hoping to GOD to catch one of my scraps as I line em up one by one and force em all to
!!!!!SoaK!!!!!
!!!!!SoMe!!!!!
!!!!!!UP!!!!!!!
….BECAUSE INCASE THERE EVER WAS EVEN A SHRED OF DOUBT…I WILL REMIND THEM!!!
Suddenly the scene switches back to a loud thud…and then another, and then another as Brandon Moore rams his shoulder into the door finally knocking it clean off the hinges he looks at his good friend and business associate LA Johnny Stylez who is now standing in the shower with all of his clothes on as he wipes the water from his face that once again has life in it…There is once again a firey passion in his eyes as he looks at Brandon Moore and says…
LA Johnny Stylez: Yo do me a favor homie and get everyone together…It’s time to remind them…and it’s time to tell them that the only way we are going to spread our message is to force it down their throat..and that shit begins this week! They aint gunna like it one bit either!
Brandon Moore: No I suppose they wont!...Where the hell you goin?
LA Johnny Stylez: Change outta these wet clothes and get ready to hand one blonde haired bitch paper CHAMPION his marching papers!...
…See YaLL AT THE RUMBLE…
…It’s Been Your PLeaSuRe
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??