Post by lajohnnystylez419 on Nov 19, 2023 4:23:50 GMT -6
…The Night After the NEW press conference
We see an open laptop monitor replaying the events that went down at the press conference. More specifically the moment Jesse informed his cousin that as long as he was an “active competitor” in New Edge Wrestling then his seat at the “decision making” table would be suspended indefinitely. As you all can clearly see for yourselves in case you missed it earlier Johnny didn’t exactly take this news very well. Actually to make matters even worse the moment after Jesse informed Johnny of the fine print in the talent contract he signed, seemingly as if on phucking que guess who emerges from the crowd to make his presence felt offering nothing but a cool smirk as the attention of everyone in the room followed Roger Wright until he made it to the exit turned back and looked at his long time arch rival Johnny Stylez losing his shit destroying everything he can get his hands on. Before exiting, Roger just turns, looks and shakes his head before exiting NEW Headquarters almost chuckling to himself.
The camera then freezes on this exact frame before the camera can switch back to more of Johnny breaking stuff and Jesse standing at the podium with a confident smirk on his face as he answers a few stragglers questions. All we see is the look on Roger’s face as he observes the effect his presence has on the man he will meet in ten days for the New Edge Wrestling Heavyweight Championship of the World.
The camera then pans out and we see that the laptop monitor we were looking at a few moments ago is on a large black desk in the middle of an elaborate office with several books, comic books, as well as more perfectly placed wrestling memorabilia posters, photos, framed t-shirts that read 4:19 GoT -A- ??MiNuTe?? And of course the always popular seller the SOAK SOME UP TSHIRT, there is even a black and white cRu tshirt framed in the center of a large wall with Johnny’s other framed merch. Then of course right under a large 58 inch flat screen TV, are three large glass casings that hold every single Championship belt every won and held by none other than THe PaRaGoNa oF AMeRiKaNa.
The laptop monitor remains frozen while the flat screen TV is showing highlights of the press conference while the guys over at the popular wrestling youtube channel WRESTLETALK go over what went down just a few short hours ago. Johnny is of course going banana sammich inside of the press area as the WRESTLETALK hosts give their irrelevant two cents on the way THe DoN oF DI$Re$PeCT still chooses to conduct himself in public…But before all of them have a chance to weigh in suddenly that frame freezes as well as we hear the sound of a lighter flicking…We then sit in the calm silence for a moment as smoke blows into view of the camera as everything freezes and we hear the voice of the man that will once again stand unchecked and unchallenged as the CHAMPION of NEW EDGE WRESTLING, the one and only LA Johnny Stylez ask the one question on everyone’s mind over this crazy last week.
!!$!!…HeRe We Go AGaIN!!$!!
…That Is WHaT ALL YoU ASSHATS ARE THINKING RIGHT NOW ISN’T IT???
Or at least you phuckin should be, because as you all have heard for yourselves by now, the wrestling promotion that defined greatness for over a phuckin decade is set to return in a little over a week and as I’m sure you can all imagine expectations are once again high as there are more than a few wrestling fans who are waiting with bated breath for NEW to return and hopefully once again do what it has done any and every single time NEW has
The frame suddenly unfreezes and we see LA Johnny Stylez himself wearing a pair of black and white pin stripped pants and a black wife beater. His wet blue hair hangs in his face as he runs his hands through it before slicking it back out of his face as he takes a small hit from his blunt French inhaling it before continuing his conversation he is having with his assistant former OPW color commentator and adult film star Mason Moore.
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah I’m listening to these fuggin didlos right now! Let them say what they want for now, because as always none of those greasy twats have anything remotely close to an idea of whats going on! And it looks like Roger even fell for it to, which is of course the point of it all to begin with. SO yeah I’d call that a success and everything is seemingly falling into place. Now allz I gotta phuckin do is put foot to ass and make sure eleven days from now everyone and their mama is well aware of the fact that once again
!!!!!YoURZ F’N TRULy!!!!!
IZ ONCE AGAIN THE NEW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD!!!!
And then its off to the races we go!
Mason Moore: Simple as that?
LA Johnny Stylez: I dunno if I’d refer to anything that is going to transpire in the next week or so “simple” but yeah when you break it down I suppose it is! SO anyway I know you didn’t call me to inform me that a bunch of phuckin dweebs were talkin shit about me on the internet. SO what do you say for once we skip the foreplay and you skip to the part where you tell me what you need dear, because as I am sure you can imagine I have like seven thousand other things I’d rather be doing right now than this…
Mason Moore: Well don’t go getting too comfortable boss, because I called to remind you that Jesse was sending someone over to interview you, something about hyping your match up even more…Addressing of course why you and Roger’s match is for the NEW title. Not to mention why the fans want or need to see you and Roger one more time…Ohhh and to help stress what will be different about NEW this go round.
LA Johnny Stylez: And that’s tonight?
Mason Moore: Yeah boss fraid so!
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh for phucks sake reschedule it or something?
Mason Moore: If only I could, I forgot myself until Jesse’s office sent me a reminder text that they were already on the way…
LA Johnny Stylez: They didn’t happen to mention who was going to be conducting this interview did they?...Please say CLARK BENSON…PLEASE SAY CLARK BENSON!!!!
Mason Moore: Can’t help ya there Bossman…And no they didn’t say who it was exactly…?
LA Johnny Stylez: What the phuck does that mean?...They almost told you who they were sending?
Mason Moore: No they didn’t almost tell me, but they did say that Jesse said you should get a “kick out of it.” SO my guess is Vince Walters, or hey maybe even your cousin Chris!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well if its Chris then at least I know there will be substances that I can abuse to help me suffer through his idiocy, and VInce Walters…Jesse knows Vince isn’t allowed inside my house after that uh “INCIDENT” from a few years back!
Mason Moore: Take it easy on Vince Johnny he had never seen pornstars in real life before!
LA Johnny Stylez: WHEN HE GOT HERE HE ASKED IF THERE WAS SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM!
Mason Moore: SO?...Isn’t there always?
LA Johnny Stylez: First of all it’s a pleasure cave not a CHAMPAGNE ROOM, and second of all last I checked paying for your lap dances in nickels, quarters, and dimes was frowned upon in yalls community, not to mention once you have been kicked out of a party for jerking off in plain view of any and everyone at the party it is also very bad manners to think you could continue in the driveway around cars he is legally not allowed to be within 100ft of!
Mason Moore: Man parties at your place always have a way of getting out of hand don’t they?...Good times! But yeah I’m pretty sure it isn’t Vince…Jesse wants this to come off in a way that would be literally impossible if the questions were asked by Vince fuckin Walters.
LA Johnny Stylez: Yes they do, and if you think those parties are crazy wait until you attend your first ever…JOHNNY STYLEZ IS ONCE AGAIN THE CHAMP parties…It’s been 13 years since I’ve thrown one and I’d say I’m…well the entire wrestling world is over due, because take it to the bank in ten days when I hand Roger his ass ONE MORE TIME, and retake posession of what is, was, and always has been MY PHUCKING PROPERTY, I’m going to throw a party so loud, so obnoxious, so crazy that those who weren’t fortunate enough to merit an invitation will gladly pay be stream it online.
Cause IM tellin ya Mase, you and the rest of these assbags aint seen shit yet! This is only the beginning of something much much bigger I can feel it in my got damn bones…All of them not just the one you are the most familiar with. I hate to say it but with everything perfectly falling into place as much as I despise even the notion one can’t help but wonder if this is what the mouthbreathers commonly refer to as
? F.A.T.E. ?
I MEAN IT’S ALMOST FEELZ LIKE ALL OF THIS WAS, OR IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN?!?
But look I think I’m pretty sure whatever poor bastard Jesse paid to conduct this interview is here…So do me a favor and call our friend in Texas and tell him to make sure to follow every instruction I gave him down to the letter, and when I arrive tomorrow morning if everything is as it should be he will be paid every penny we agreed on…And remind them of what happens if I get there tomorrow and EVERYTHING is not taken care of…This is paramount Mase so make sure they don’t phuck it up, K?
Mason Moore: No worries boss, I got you…But hey do try and at least take it easy on whatever hapless mother fucker Jesse conned in to doing this! And remember it is still a success if the interview ends and they are not crying and still employed by New Edge Wrestling!
LA Johnny Stylez: Mason…
Mason Moore: Yeah boss?
LA Johnny Stylez: Don’t tell me my business ya silly biatch!!!
Mason Moore: But it’s what you pay me for?
LA Johnny Stylez: ONE…it’s ONE of the things I pay you for!
Mason Moore: Whatever, talk to you later, PLEASE BEHAVE!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Behave?...You must have me confused with someone else!
Johnny hangs up his phone and looks up at the youtube video he had paused at the same exact frame he had frozen on his laptop. The look on Roger’s face just before he left the NEW press conference smirking to himself. Johnny looked up at it and chuckled to himself and shook his head as he grabbed a glass ash tray off his desk and began making his way to his front door.
Johnny doesn't check the peep hole so he is completely caught off guard by this person standing before him that maybe kinda looks familiar but when you see as many women a day as the owner of a porn company does, sometimes you forget names that belong to faces. But in the literal 25 seconds they stood there in awkward silence Johnny's brain could not determine if he knew this woman or not?...Cause if it is who Jesse sent to interview him, he said he would get a kick out of it.
...And well she's not bad prehaps boderline too thick, but at 3am she is totally passable...And well there is also no production company in sight...Which lead Johnny to this particular ABSURD CONCLUSION...He really is a jackass folks...And we'd say we were sorry if we thought just one of you would believe it!
Johnny hangs up his phone and looks up at the youtube video he had paused at the same exact frame he had frozen on his laptop. The look on Roger’s face just before he left the NEW press conference smirking to himself. Johnny looked up at it and chuckled to himself and shook his head as he grabbed a glass ash tray off his desk and began making his way to his front door. Johnny doesn’t
LA Johnny Stylez: Mam, uh I don’t know how you got onto the property but I am not doing anymore casting couch sessions until you figure out a way to shift some of that weight in your thighs to your…
Lady: OH MY GOD I’M NOT HERE TO TRY AND BE ONE OF YOUR PROFESSIONAL PROSTITUTES! YOU ARE WITHOUT DOUBT ONE OF THE WORST PEOPLE I HAVE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, I TOLD JESSE IF HE WANTED ME TO DO THIS HE WAS GOING TO HAVE TO PAY ME AT LEAST DOUBLE…
LA Johnny Stylez: And who in the rug munchkin multiverse are you supposed to…HOLY PHUCKIN SHIT JILL PHUCKIN MATTHEWS is it really you?...I mean you sound like your normal “always on a menstrual cycle” self but you look…You look so…uhh…Hmmm how do you nicely say
?REALLY LeT YoURSeLF GoOoO?
I MEAN YOU USED TO BE PASSEABLE IN A SMURFETTE KINDA WAY NOW YOUR EASILY A BUTTER-FACE!!!
I’d ask how you’ve been, but using the context cluez my guess would be you either popped out a few little ones and are still trying to get married or your just really into podcasting and went on a strict
!!!!HoTPoCKeT n EGGO DiET!!!!
But Hey At Least You Don’t Have To GIVE a LOCKER ROOMS WORTH OF BLOWIES TO SCORE AN INTERVIEW ANYMORE, WRiGHT??
If you have a second you should compare notes with Blair she has been where you are at least…Uhhh 12 or 14 times now? And I mean only a fool would turn down free advice from a PRO, right?
Jill Matthews: Johnny it has been over a decade and I can honestly tell you I still haven’t come across anyone I truly dislike more than you, you are without doubt the most insufferable prick I have ever…
LA Johnny Stylez: BeeN FoRCeD To INTeRViEw???
Jill Matthews: Yes and I regretted it when I agreed, I don’t even know how to describe it!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well again just free advice here, but if you are open to suggestions I suggest you simply do what Aaron Abraham did when he was initiated into the cRu and you went down on him…The only thing he could do was try oh so hard to remember that it could always be worse, because really Ryan gave him a choice…You or INKT, and well he wasn’t thrilled when he asked about your…I believe the kids today call it a
?“?BODY COUNT?”?
But Can You Really Call It A Count IF You LoST TRACK SOMEWHERE AFTER 99…Million?
Jill Matthews: OK! Listen to me you insufferable JACKASS! I know it’s your thing to say the most gawd awful things, I know its your little character to be the biggest asshole you could possibly be, and if that is still your schtick after all these years…WHATEVER I honestly couldn’t care less. But our jobs are on the line here…New Edge has to work. I don't wanna go back to…Well where I was, and I know you don’t either. We are conducting this interview because we have to.
THe wrestling world has questions and unFUCKINGfortunatley you are the only one who has the answers which if you ask me means we are FUCKED from jump street, but whatever I just work here…So if you have gotten all the assholery out of your system is it really too much to ask that we do this the right way?
LA Johnny Stylez: …I’m really so happy you finally grew some tits there GIRLY, LIKE FOH-REEL….OK sorry I just had to say that, now we can be professionals…Come on in, please don’t touch or steal anything. I would really hate having to explain to Jesse why I fed his play by play announcer to my dogs…and one really mean cat. Really her name is Dru she’s mean as phuck if you see her don’t look her in the eye!...You’ve been warned! My office is this way…
Jill Matthews: GROSS I HATE CATS!!!
Johnny leads Jill into his office, he grabs a near by remote and turns off the YOUTUBE show he was watching and he shuts his laptop as Johnny takes a seat in his large black leather seat and Jill Matthews takes the seat to the left allowing room for the camera and lighting guys to do their thing. It is only a matter of moments after settling on the place the interview will be conducted as full team of NEW’s finest techs and electricians. They are setting lights, plugging in cables, testing mics and going over a few last minute notes with Jill.
Johnny just sits there seemingly amused by all the hustle and bustle going on. The look on his face admits that he had almost forgotten what it was like. A warm smile creeps across his lips as Johnny opens his desk drawer and pulls out his pack of pre rolled blunts pops on in his mouth and sparks that bad boy up. You know the drill after this RoLL IT Up LiGHT iT Up SMoKe IT UP…INHALE…EXHALE…Cypress Hill? No?...Seriously? Well gotttttt damn
!!!!!YaLL SUCK!!!!
AGAIN SEE YOUTUBE FOR THE SLIGHTLY DATED REFERENCE!!!
As Johnny sits cool, calm, and collected he allows the NEW production team to do their thing. Johnny spins around in his chair and looks out of his window. There is rain gently falling from the night sky, it makes a tiny yet soothing noise as the rain drops become heavier and heavier. As Johnny listens to the noise while blocking out the NEW tech team, he places a little less than half his blunt in the glass ashtray that has the catchphrase 4:19 GoT -A- ??MiNuTe?? Engraved underneath the top rim of the glass used to catch the ashes. As we see the smoke rise into the air and vanish suddenly we too find ourselves slipping away to..
…A LoNG ASS F’N TIME AGO!!!
We see none other than the newly recrowned majority owner of New Edge Wrestling The Hype himself Jesse Styles. However this isn’t the Jesse you all know and love today, no this version of Jesse is the Wrestler/Promoter version of Jesse as he helped his Father run two successful promotions in the old AOL territory days. But Jesse appears to be on the administrative side this evening, as he walks in not wearing his ring gear..Instead he has a pair of grey dress slacks o and a bright blue button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. As he walks into the room we can feel or sense something aint right here.
Jesse walks around what appears to be a Men’s locker room, but doesn’t find what he is looking for, INstead he doubles back and walks right up to the door that says REST ROOM…and right underneath that a little more to the right is the sign above the handle that says OCCUPIDO!
Jesse bangs on the door, waits a few moments after not hearing anything he bangs again only this time louder…He even yells at Johnny to
Jesse Styles: Open the fucking door dude! You are needed up in gorilla, unless you did decide to bitch out and call the match off…You heard my Dad and the few old timers you can always work as a ref while learning the…
Suddenly the door swings open and out walks a very wet behind the ears LA Johnny Stylez. The look on his face is much different than the one now save that arrogant smirk plastered across his face. Johnny’s hair was wrapped in a towel he had draped over his head. Johnny looks at his cousin with a “DUDDE….CHILL THE PHUCK OUT” look on his face as he goes to reply…
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah yeah I’m comin I’m coming! I aint backin out of shit…Honestly I’m really kinda feelin like this just may very well be one of the most important nights of my young life…I’m ready Jess I think I am actually phucking ready to do this shit!
Jesse Styles: Yeah whatever FAMOUS LAST WORDS LIL CUZ!!!! But what you got hiding under here, you didn’t get a perm did you? I know I said develop a character, and commit to it, but even this I have to say…I have to say uhh…HOLY SHIT Johnny your got damn hair is BLUE?!?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah you’ll do well to notice it aint a perm either cue ball! But yes my hair is now and will remain blue until I decide to change i. Ohh and before I forget congratulations you sir have now been promoted to Captain of the OBVIOUS MILITARY, on behalf of a grateful nation I would just like to say
!!!!PHUCK OFF!!!!
YES MY HAIR IS BLUE, AND TRUST ME THAT IS ONLY WHERE IT BEGINS?
Jesse Styles: What you need new trunks so you can officially become a spice girl?
LA Johnny Stylez: Phuck you cue ball your Mom’s a spice girl! Look your dad, my uhhh step whatever Mr. Patrick, and you told me to do anything and everything I can to make myself stand out.
Jesse Styles: Ohh fucking great, now let me guess you’ve already got a catch phrase don’t ya?
LA Johnny Stylez: You wanna hear…
Jesse Styles: ABSOLUTELY NOT, but please don’t tell me it’s GIRLPOWER?
LA Johnny Stylez: Jesse if you don’t phuck off about my hair color I swear on everything decent and upstanding that I will wait till you fal asleep put some rogaine on your upper lip and you’ll wake up with a HITLER MUSTACHE! And you know me well enough now that idle threats aint really my thing!
Jesse Styles: Well look the one and only thing you need to concern yourself with now is WINNING. Winning is, was, and always will be the only thing that matters in our line of work. Let me give you some advice…If winning is the only thing that matters John, then you had better go out there and find a way to make it happen. It doesn’t really matter how you get the win, just as long as you get it…And you did say you wanted to be CHAMP eventually right?
LA Johnny Stylez: No I said I wanted to be
~$~ THE B-E-S-T BEST ~
2ND TO F’N N.O.B.O.D.Y.!!
…I mean the way I see it being CHAMP is a by product of that…But yes I did say I want to be CHAMPION, but so did every other mother phucker in this locker room at one point or another.
Jesse Styles: EXACTLY and what separates the good from the great Johnny ultimately it’s the guy who goes the distance and gets the job done. Yes I and pretty soon the entire world is going to learn just how much you love running your mouth, but you can’t walk out there run your mouth the way you do…Looking like a bad 80’s singer in an even worse video!
LA Johnny Stylez: So…you are saying...Go out there and win? That is how I become successful or perhaps even great? What wonderful nuggets of wisdom you are dropping NO SeRiOUSLy YoU’RE A
~!$!~ GoT DaMn GeNIUS ~$~
…Who Actually (SPOILER ALERT) May Very WeLL BE TOTALLY PHUCKED IN THE HEAD…
...probably on both sides, but whatever…I’d ask if you have anymore advice, but let me go ahead and guess…Next you’re gunna tell me that I should probably also do everything I can to
?!?!AVoID LoSING?!?!
Many Thanks For Your Vigilance Captain!!!
But I think I’ve got it covered, guess there is only one way to find out eh?
Jesse Styles: Whatever dumb ass, come on we gotta get goin!..Johnny?...Johnny what the fuck are you doing gorilla is this way…
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah but…this is Shane Micthells’ bag hanging out of his unlocked locker!
Jesse Styles: JOHNNY NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! Mitchell is one of our top draws. My dad will have a conniption if you…well be you! Plus you are fixing to walk out there and have YOUR FIRST FUCKING MATCH…You really want to piss off the US Champion on your first night?...ANd you said I was the genius!
LA Johnny Stylez: OK I just want you to know for real I know exactly what you are saying…but after like 4 minutes of very careful consideration I have decided that Yes that is exactly what I want to do, because first of all
!!!!PHUCK SHANE MITCHELL!!!!
…AND HIS GYM BAG WITH HIS JA RULE CD AND EMPTY BOTTLEZ OF JERGENZ!!!
He aint shit. Sure he is a big name now…And that is being generous. He needs to be put on notice just like everyone else, and that is LA Johnny Stylez has completed his training and is preparing to make his great ascent to the top of the industry, and now it is only a matter of time before our shadow is cast over the entire pro rasslin universe! Plus he won’t have time to look for me tonight, because well let’s just say when he is done jerking off Sabre in the broom closet he will come back put on his trunks and eventually feel that tingling cold yet warm feeling that only comes from ICY HOT!
Jesse Styles: JOHNNY I SAID NO! DON’T YOU DAR…
LA Johnny Stylez: Sorry bro, but I put the icy hot in there before you even started talking! SO I guess the only thing left to do is to suggest that from here on out Shane Mitchells take every available opportunity to
!!!!!SoaK!!!!
!!!!SoMe!!!!
!!!!!!!UP!!!!!!
…Because BY THE TIME SHANE MITCHELLS REALIZES WHAT TRUE GREATNESS ACTUALLY IS HIS FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME WILL HAVE BEEN UP AN HOUR AGO!!!
Jesse Styles: Wait was that your catchphrase?
LA Johnny Stylez: Indeed it was CUZ…INdeed it was…WHat do you think?
Jesse Styles: Well I think you are a few French Fries short of a happy meal, but I guess it’ll do because honestly I have heard much much worse!!!
As the last words of a conversation that took place well over two decades ago in the promotion Jesse’s father founded and Jesse ran for the first few years of our careers in this biz., Johnny snaps back to reality as the NEW tech team are trying to mic him up. Johnny rolls his eyes as we can see him trying very hard to stop himself from cracking the mic guys skull, but he simply looks over at Jill Matthews and cuts an arrogant perhaps even flirty smirk as she looks down but quickly looks back up and shoots him a smile of her own
The mic guy finishes hooking Johnny’s mic up as he backs away and the producer shines the light in Johnny’s direction as he loudly asks…
NEW Producer: OK guys yall ready to do this? Because we are going live in about 25 seconds!
LA Johnny Stylez: Wait…I beg your pardon I could have sworn for a sec you said this was going to air LIVE?
Jill Matthews: Yeah Jesse wants as much promotion as he can get for the first show back, and well he seems to think putting a live mic in front of you is sure to generate some kind of buzz!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well then we musn’t keep our internet dweebs, obsessive fans, and chronic masterbaters waiting now can we?
Jill Matthews: OK so I guess that’s a yes…This is going to be a got damn nightmare!
…and
.3
..2
…1 ACTION!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: THE WORLD!!!
Jill Matthews: Excuse me?
LA Johnny Stylez: 10 days from now when I walk into any arena in the country they will address me as the New Edge Wrestling Heavyweight Champion…of THE WORLD! Meaning it aint just the top prize in NEW, it’s the top prize in the sport period!!!
Jill Matthews: You honestly still believe that? Despite the constant openings and closings? So much time has passed between the last time NEW was open, and I’m not referring to those few short weeks in 2019 that eventually lead to us becoming OPW. So I guess my first question is how can you honestly sit there and say that you believe despite not being active for years, and not to mention how much the landscape of the current product that is pro wrestling has changed over the years?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well let me put it to you this way Ms. Matthews after IGNITE if I am the one standing ,a now record breaking 7th New Edge Wrestling World Title, I will go above and beyond the normal call of duty to ensure it’s prestige, luster, and integrity to see the NEW Championship not only
!!!!!R.E.S.T.O.R.E.D.!!!!!
But ALSO DRASTICALLY IMPROVED!
Jill Matthews were you aware that it has been
{+} 12 Years 2 Months 2 Weeks and 3 F’N DAYZ {+}
Since NEW’s top prize was in my possession…
I have had a lot of time to think and reflect on my career and everything I have accomplished and I can tell you with absolute certainty that if I am the one who emerges victorious on the first episode of IGNITE then I will make it clear across every social media platform, every radio and TV interview, every podcast, every youtube, tik tok, and of course snap chat will know NEW has returned and is being lead by a man who knows the true cost of achieving greatness! You spoke about changes a few moments ago Jill…And you are right so much has changed seemingly overnight, but the more things change I PHUCKING PROMISE YOU it’s KNUCKIN FUTZ WHEN YOU SLOW DOWN AND TAKE A MOMENT TO REALIZE the more some shit
!!!!!STAYZ THE F’N SaMe!!!!
And ONE THING THAT HASN’T CHANGED IS I AM STILL THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD!!!
And anyone who disagrees with that is more than welcome to come along and try and prove me wrong. But what they and Roger Wright will be able to see and experience for themselves is right before THANKSGIVING they will be privy to another dining experience I like to call
!!!!!THe La$T SuPPeR!!!!
(SPOILER ALERT THAT IS WHAT I CALLZ IT WHEN I STOMP YOUR FACES INTO THE CANVAS)
Jill Matthews: ANd what makes you so certain of all this? What makes you think you are still capable of taking on such a task that is just as much a blessing as it is a curse?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well as much as the world needs a phucking history lesson we will just go ahead and skip to the part where I remind you and every pair of eyes that ever watched New Edge Wrestling of the fact that when NEW was at it’s best and brightest I was there to kick it off and or see it through! And yes I know I am still capable of being the one to guide NEW into it’s new and very prosperous future because not only do I know what it takes to lead the treacherous journey,to the top but also what it takes for us to
!!!!!!F’n STAY THERE!!!!!
AND THERE AINT NOONE…NOT NOBODY THAT IS MORE QUALIFIED OR SUITED TO THE TASK THAN THE DoN oF DI$ReSPeCT!!!
!!!!!F’N WIN THEM!!!!!
BC THAT PHUCKSOCKS, IS PRETTY MUCH THE DEFINITION OF GREATNESS!!!
But really Jill Ima be real with ya…I am sitting here before you now doing an interview days before the relaunch of NEW, because I firmly believe my and NEW’s best days are in front of us. I believe every moment..every championship, accolade, or achievement, as well as every failure, loss, or mistake that I have experienced in my life has lead me to this exact moment to be what NEW and pro wrestling needs me to be. Now am I getting older every second of every day like everyone else?
Yeah that is the way our world works, but despite what the rhetorical “THEM” would have you believe in this particular instance my youth or lack there of will be one of my greatest strengths and in all likelihood will be the one thing that finally allows me to reach and take that step that will obviously separate me from the rest of the pack and finally achieve what it is I am really after. But really Jill I could sit here and talk until my face is as blue as my phuckin hair but there is literally nothing I can say that will make the doubters stop doubting and the haters to stop
!!!!!!F’n HaTiNG!!!!!
…Cause For ReaLZ I GeT IT…IF I WaSN’T Me I’D PRoBaBLy Be PiSSeD TOO!!!!
SO to you and anyone else who doubts whether or not I can get inbetween them ropes and take care of business the way I always have, I suggest you make sure to tune into Ignite and watch as I once again prove all of you wrong, because I’m telling yall this now..If you thought I was bad before, if you thought I was an insufferable prick prior to this well I sincerely regret to inform you that yall
!!!!!AiNT SeeN S.H.I.T. YET!!!!!
As I Rebuild The Halls of New Edge On Top of My ENEMIES BROKEN BONES, ASPIRATIONS, AMBITIONZ AND FAILUREZ!!!
So like I said the more things tend to change the more they also stay the same!
Jill Matthews: OK but the one question I as well as a large number of NEW fans has is why?...Why return to a place you swore to God and everyone else with eyes and ears that you would never ever return to? Why is this so important to you? And why forgo the chance to let others bleed while you run things from behind the scenes with Jesse?
You saw a great deal of success running OPW and going into all of this you were the owner of New Edge why risk all of that? Of all the things you may be Mr. Stylez a fool is not one of them. You wouldn’t go through all of this unless you were after something…So I guess that’s the real question Johnny other than regaining the NEW Championship what are you actually hoping to accomplish?
LA Johnny Stylez: What do I hope to accomplish? A great number of things, but before we get into that allow me to paint a picture for ya. About five years ago at OPW’s last pay per view under my tenure as owner I was arrested and for the first time in my phucking life was facing charges I wasn’t sure I could beat. Of course that wasn’t the case because the bitch of it all was that for all the crimes I have notoriously commited I almost went down for good for crimes I didn’t even commit. I was framed just like Roger Rabbit’s bitch ass and had the usurpers crossed all T’s and Dotted all I’s I wouldn’t be here now. For one calendar year I sat in prison forced to watch the company I built up from nothing be stolen out from underneath me and turned into the success I had always hoped or envisioned for it. So as I’m sure you can understand a situation like that would humble
!!!!!F’N ANYONE!!!!!
…AsK Me HoW I KNoW!!!!
And when I wasn’t watching my wrestling empire grow and thrive without me, I still had nothing but time to reflect on my career, my life and everything that landed me where I was. And honestly when you spend all day trippin about the mistakes I made, the regrets I have, and the things I would have done or do differently if ever given the chance again almost drove me insane. Had I not been released when I was I can tell you with every fiber of my being that I would have driven myself mad and probably end it all.
Because despite everything I had accomplished over a very illustrious and long career there were still things I was unable to accomplish, contributions I still feel like I needed to make, and the broken promise I made to myself the night before I left the St. George Orphanage in the French Quarter and was put on the path that lead me to my chosen profession. If my fate would have been to spend the remainder of my days locked in a phucking cage I couldn’t live with it. I wanted more, I wanted to be more.
…So the night before I was given the news that my charges were dropped and thrown out I made another vow in the form of a prayer that if I ever got out of that literal hell hole, I would waste no more time, I would do anything and everything in my power to make sure I accomplished the one thing I set out to from the very beginning, I would leave a mark upon this world that every man, woman, and child that has ever called themselves a wrestling fan could
!!!!!EvER F’N IGNoRe!!!!!
EVEN IF THEY WANTED TO!!!
What am I hoping to accomplish? Well see Jill that is a tricky question, because you ask any slapass on any rinky dink pro wrestling promotion that same question and they will probably all say the same thing…Fight their way to the top and become World Champion, which there is nothing wrong with that was the sum of my ambition once upon a time…Because yes you can’t attain what I’m after without fighting your way to the top and hoisting the big belt above your head…But what it turns out what I am and always have been after is something different and actually much phucking bigger. Because what practically everyone who chooses this as their career is actually after isn’t just a title, no what they really seek is
!!!!!IMMORTALITY!!!!!
To Be So GooD AT THiS GaMe YoU MaKe An IMPReSSiON THAT LIVES ON BEYOND THe BoUNDaRiEZ oF TIMe ITSELF!!!!
This business has seen countless champions, but what I am and always have aspired to be is more than just a CHAMPION. Shit there were times when the New Edge World Title was in the possession of not me, and people still knew who the best was. When people in the nosebleed section all the way down to the sorry jag off waiting in the ring for me to come down and phuck his day up knows that the moment my music hits over the PA SYSTEM and I step from behind the curtain they may not know what is fixing to happen but they know for certain
!!!!!BuiSNe$$ Is ABoUT TO PiCK UP!!!!!
ANd LoVe Me oR HaTe Me I HaVe LeFT THEM ALL WITH MeMoRiEZ THaT WILL NeVeR EVER FADE!!!
ANd that Jill Matthews is the truth I learned about myself and my path while I was in jail! And after I was released from jail and awarded a ridiculous some of money for being wrongfully imprisoned after a federal officer admitted to falsify documents implicating my guilt I knew that I was being given what had to be at least my
!!!!!419th SeCoND CHaNCE!!!!!
And ONe Way OR THe OTHeR I KNeW IT ALWAYS WIND UP HERE!!!
After being released from prison I did try and rebuild OPW, because the reason I formed Outlaw Pro Wrestling to begin with was because in a world without New Edge Wrestling there had to be a place where the traditions, the spirit, and foundation that me and a few others dumped an entire lifetime’s worth of blood sweat and tears into building needed to carry on. Because the other thing I saw for myself in prison was that the wrestling business without NEW was falling back into squalor, because we werent there to set the standard of what it means to truly earn greatness in this business. We werent there to do the work NEW had proudly done for this business for all those years and so our business became inhabited and infected by this current generation of
!!!!SNoBBy SeLF ABSoRBeD HaLF WITTED PHUCK MOOKS!!!!
Who Wouldn’T KNoW ACTUAL GREATNESS IF IT KICKED EM IN BALL SACK!!!...WeLL NoT YeT ANYWAY!!!
And I truly believed OPW was the remedy this business needed in order to survive before these half ass half wits phucked the biz beyond repair! Because one thing lot of these entitled mouth breathing pussys don’t understand is why they hop from promotion to promotion like they did during the AOL territory days and would win some gold, and call that greatness. But the reality of it all that is completely and utterly overlooked is that if no one
!!!!!F’N ReMeMBeRZ IT…OR THEM!!!!
THEN IT DOESN’T MATTER AND IT NeVeR PHUCKIN DID!!!
Because GREATNESS and IMMORTALITY require endurance….It’s one of the very many underrated benefits of recording history to something other than memory or here say! They must withstand the test of time that has claimed every man, woman, and child that have ever existed. Because in our game of egos and opinions for a promotion to be able to endure that is when you are fighting for something worth fighting for…And the only way to achieve such a thing is to do everything in our power to see that it lasts. So to answer your question Jill.
…I ultimately decided I was done with OPW, because the best way for me to do what I was born to do and lead pro wrestling to levels of prominence and prosperity it has never known could never be done from the gorilla position. My main contributions have and always will taken place in an NEW ring, because at the end of the day my greatest ambition for OPW was for it to be New Edge Wrestling. And just like the first time I got the call from Jesse informing me he had recently acquired New Edge from its previous owner and invited me to come be apart of it, the state of pro wrestling as a whole is so similar it’s phuckin
!!!!!SAD, BAD, AND VERY F’N DEPRESSING!!!!
…But No Need To WORRY BeCaUSe HELP IS ON THE WAY!!!
!!!!!THE F’N PROBLEM!!!!
…A PROBLEM ONLY MYSELF AND THe REST oF THE NEW ROSTER (but mostly just me) CAN AND WILL REMEDY VERY F’N SOON!!!
So that Jill Matthews is why I came back under the circumstances I did. You are right they were designed, because while one day I know time will force me from the ring and into a prominent backstage role, but unfortunately for Roger Wright and everyone else who aspires to challenge me in the future that day aint sure as SHIT
!!!! AINT ToDay !!!!
WHICH MEaNZ WE ARE STUCK WITH EACH OTHER!
Ya know until you find a way to force me out, and really I really just wish you all the luck in the world with that! GooD PHUCKIN LUCK INDEED…You want to be rid of me it will take something stronger than luck, I dunno maybe try uhhh
?PRAYING INSTEAD?
TO AS MANY DIETYS AS POSSIBLE!!...HA no, yeah but SERIOUSLY!
So ya wanna know why I really came back?...Yes I came back to NEW for a number of reasons…To once again wear the NEW CHAMPIONSHIP, but also to end the got damn debate once and for all that hands down, without question the single greatest star in the history of New Edge Wrestling and probably wrestling in general is was and always phuckin will be
!!!!THe PaRaGoNa oF AMeRiKaNA!!!!
…THE ONE AND ONLY LA JOHNNY STYLEZ!!!!
…Because anyone who has ever been in the ring with me…that has ever gone to war with me knows good and got damn well what happens to people who try and stand between ME AND WHAT I WANT. And despite their best and even combined efforts some how I always find a way to make sure they and the entire world know that the joke has been on them the entire time, because while they are busy trying to pick up the broken pieces of themselves while adjusting to their new and very grim reality I am sitting on top of the world on a throne they no are no longer worthy of, and the only sound they hear isn’t the roar of the crowd, or even the sound of their own thoughts over the thunderous sound of my loud and obnoxious
!!!!!LaUGHTeR!!!!
As You Learn The F’N HARD WAY That Johnny Stylez…ALWAYS…ALWAYS…ALWAYS GETS THE LAST F’n LAUGH!!!
…And I cannot phucking wait to get back to it!
Jill Matthews: OK, so what of your opposition? The way you are talking it’s almost like you already won the match…But if you truly learned from your mistakes then you would know the worst thing you could do at this juncture is underestimate Roger Wright! So what are your thoughts on having to renew the rivalry against one of the greatest CHAMPIONS in NEW history?
I mean you have clearly stated why you think you are worthy of this opportunity…DO you feel the same can be said about Roger? No one has really seen or heard from him in months! But perhaps Roger is just as ready to resume his mantle as the greatest hero in the history of pro wrestling, or as ambitious to be the one to lead New Edge into it’s hopefully bright future! You’ve been enemies, rivals, and even business partners from pretty much the word go…
Your careers have always paralleled when they weren’t intersecting, but here we are again one more time for all the marbles…So what have you to say about your opponent in what will probably be the biggest match of your lives up to this point which is saying something considering the wars you two have fought and some how survived?
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh Jill, hmm let me see, how can I put this as rudely as I possibly can? And know that when I say this I say it with every single phucking fiber of my being…
!!!!!F.U.C.K. ROGER WRIGHT!!!!!
…ANd THE JACKASS HE RODE IN ON!!!
..It truly astounds me that after all of that you or anyone else doesn’t have enough common sense to call a SPADE a SPADE…I know the more time passes the less the truth matters to the mouth breathing moronic chunk that make up the majority of wrestling fans, but still at the end of the day you can’t ignore FACTS…and one way or the other the truth always finds a way to surface, a lesson I have proudly and thoroughly forced Roger Wright to learn the hard way EVERY CHANCE I GOT!
A lesson I will gladly prove to him and the rest of you idiots who overlook facts that were born from actions, numbers, stats, and of course an immeasurable amount blood and sweat and in Roger’s case
!!!!SO…SO MaNy MaNy TEARS!!!!
THaT ALLOW YOU ALL TO REMEMBER THINGS HOW U WANT INSTEAD OF HOW THEY ACTUALLY ARE!!
I suffered two of the worst defeats in my entire career at his hands. After he defeated me one on one in my own backyard I was humiliated to the point I couldn’t deal. I left NEW altogether, I was doubting myself…I questioned anything and everything I thought about myself. But after returning to my senses I made it my resolve to never ever suffer like that at his hands again, and if you take the time and do the homework you will see for yourselves that is a VOW I have and will continue to
!!!!!!F’N KEEP!!!!!
AS LONG AS I HAVE AIR IN MY LUNGS AND ENOUGH STRENGTH TO FIGHT!
I once upon a time despised the man, mostly out of insane jealousy. I mean the dude came out of phucking no where and won the biggest match pro wrestling had seen up to that point when he shocked the world and won the very first TerrorDome…A match I don’t own a single victory in. So when I returned to New Edge I refused to bide my time and wait for my next opportunity to set the record straight once and for all…
A fate I was nearly robbed of after the decision was made to split the overgrown NEW rosters into two brands…Roger still the IGNITE CHAMP was drafted to IGNITE while XXX used his first pick on me to help build the Collision brand. I was the TRANS ATLANTIC CHAMPION at the time, and while I still take pride in every time I held that title, the voice in the back of my head wouldn’t let me rest until I got my second chance and used it to not only prove to myself and everyone else who the throne of New Edge Wrestling belonged to, but do everything I could to break NEW’s golden hero into so many pieces it would be impossible to even think about repairing! And fate dealt me that hand shortly after that.
…After I failed to win the NEW Collision CHampionship from Chris phucking Shields at Hallows FIGHT NIGHT, Roger some how weasled his way into a Collision Title match and ended up putting Shields down and once again crowned himself with MY PHUCKING CROWN! Long story short when my opportunity came I did exactly what I vowed to do, and I went above and beyond the call of DUTY to not just beat Roger, but to utterly annhiliate him, and God be good even CRIPPLE HIM metaphorically or physically it made no difference to me.
…And that is exactly what I did, I turned his entire world upside down as I gave him his first lesson and dose of reality when I showed him his best friend, confidant, manager, business partner…The closest person to him in the world, took Roger’s most prized possession…The symbol of everything he had accomplished and turned it over to Roger’s worst enemy for a bag of dope that most people paid $60 bucks for! I still remember the look of defeat on his face as I opened the door and saw he had done as I instructed.
I tossed the bag of dope at him took the belt and slammed the door shut in his face, while also slamming the door on the historic run of success the two were able to achieve. Because the Championship I carried to the ring that night was technically Roger’s…But by the time the match concluded in one phuckin swoop I regained MY NEW CHAMPIONSHIP, HUMBLED AND DEFEATED NEW’s knight in shining armor…But I didn’t just beat him I
!!!!!F’n BROKE HIS BITCH ASS!!!!
…ANd Roger AINT BEEN W(R)IGHT EVER SINCE THEN!!!!
Because Roger truly did believe he was a hero, and for all I know he probably still does…And it is in that regard that I was able to distance myself from him, because if Im not mistaken Roger Wright never again pinned my shoulders to the mat in NEW ever again! And suffice to say that wasn’t the last time we would find ourselves across the ring from each other. And really the thing that helped me defeat Roger time and time again wasn’t just because I am and always have been his superior on a physical front, but to say I am his superior in the mental aspect of the game is probably the biggest phucking
!!!!!UnDeRSTaTeMeNT!!!!
IN THE HISTORY OF ANY AND EVERY KIND OF STATEMENT!!!
Roger being the hero operated using a code of ethics that was honorable and perhaps even commendable to other losers who just tell themselves that to make their failures seem less than. But every time we faced each other, his doses of reality only grew bigger and bigger, and sooner or later he will have to accept the fact that there aint no phucking such thing
!!!!!AS HEROES!!!!
ESPECIALLY IN MY KINGDOM KNOWN AS NEW EDGE!!!
The world and New Edge Wrestling was built by the mother phucking bad guyz! Even the only other phuckin bozo I know who saw value in being cheered by those faceless moronz who attend our shows and pay our bills I believe you all know him as GOOD OLE TONZ OF FUN Mr. SUNSHINE ON MY GOT DAMN SHOULDERS RYAN PUGH or now more so commonly known as I TURN HEEL OR FACE ABOUT AS MUCH AS INKT CHANGES HIS SEXUAL PREFRENCE.
…But what did that ever truly get him? What is adoration and love of people who can’t do a thing but cheer your losing efforts? Especially when the defeats, and failures begin to pile up. I realized very early that the only thing that matters is winning. How you got the win makes no nevermind because the history books rarely mention that I won most of my matches by cheating…All it says is that I won because that is the only thing that matters! Roger played by the rules and lost I broke every rule I could some for the simple sake that I love breaking rules, and walked out with my hand raised a belt that used to be his.
…I enjoyed the fruits of success while he did everything the way he was supposed to and came up short every phucking time! And as I sit here and recall all of this after all this time, I can’t help but sincerely hope Roger Wright was able to find a moment to get a pencil and some paper…and maybe even a CALCULATOR so he could hopefully finally finding the missing part of the equation by actually sitting down and doing the math, only to unfortunately discover that even after you do the math the answer of what it all equals is ACTUALLY NOTHING because MiND YOU The DoN oF Di$ReSPeCT don’t
!!!!!HaVe ANY F’N EQUALZ!!!!
NOT THEN and NOT NOW..It’s Actually WHY I’M THE F’N BEST
Which brings us to the point of our lil stroll down memory lane! See the difference between Roger and Myself is a great many number of things…I mean not even mentioning our complete different views on practically every subject in the world the main thing that separates Roger from myself is that Roger like most of you are the type that attend parties, while on the other (and much greener side of the pasture) are people like me(if there are any)
!!!!!THAT LITERALLY ARE THE F’N PARTY!!!!!
I HAVE MORE FUN, BECAUSE I SEE WHAT I WANT AND I F’N TAKE IT!!!!
Roger needed the NEW CHampionship to define who he was…So after he lost Shane and both the IGNITE and Collision titles he spent a good amount of time trying to redefine or reinvent himself…ANd according to my calculations he is in the middle of another regenesis cycle as we speak!
Which is fine and honestly if he wasn’t the only thing standing between me and my purpose in life…MY CROWN I haven’t held in 12 long phucking years I might be inclined to feel something resembling sympathy for the guy, because the fact that he hasn’t learned it doesn’t matter what he does…Cut his hair, shave his head, change his name…Change his ring gear, his look, wear a mask, wear face paint…PREACH HUSTLE LOYALTY AND RESPECT
!!!!WHAT THE PHUCK EVER!!!
NONE OF IT WILL EVER CHANGE THE FACT THAT I AM THE GREATEST WRESTLER AND CHAMPION IN NEW HISTORY!!!
Which by default makes him less than! To borrow one of his old lines as much as it literally pains me to utter this phrase, but its as simple as it is TRUE in my present circumstance,so suffice to literally phuckin say, MY TIME IS NOW! Roger doesn’t have the means, the knowledge, the instincts, or the sack to be the kind of Champion NEW EDGE needs now in order to guide us into a prosperous future! Roger was actually the last mother phucker to be able to call himself NEW CHAMPION after defeating that half wit Hazard who could have truly been great if he could quit tripping over his own feet and his gay managers loin cloth!
But look at the result…Roger once again claims the NEW crown and before the first pay per view NEW was relegated to the past tense, along with any notion that Roger Wright was worthy of NEW’s crown ever again…Because IM telling you this now Roger the only way you walk out of IGNITE in possession of my WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP is if you were able to take it from my cold dead fingers! Because the only way Im leaving IGNITE is as the NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
And as long as you finally learn your place and actually take advantage of the lessons I have been trying to teach you for years we may even be able to possibly definitely maybe..?
???Co-EXIST???
I Mean MOLLY MAYHEM GETS TO CALL HERSELF FORMER NEW CHAMPION, SO YA KNOW CRAZIER S.H.I.T. HaS F’n HAPPENED? PROMISE!
Because Roger please understand me when I tell you I am not underestimating you…I have had to always keep an eye on you ever since you forced yourself onto my radar almost 13 years ago…I saw the direction you were headed in OPW…I saw what some might be brash enough to call a glimmer of hope.
…And I do believe there is hope for you here in the new NEW…Just as long as that hope doesn’t involve MY CHAMPIONSHIP, because you know what it means to me and you are well aware of the what I am willing to do in order to see this through, and if you think for one second that I won’t drive to Texas and BURN YOUR RANCH to the ground with everything and everyone you have ever loved still inside of it then
!!!!!!PiSS ON THE PILE OF ASHES!!!!!
THEN YOU CLEARLY HAVEN’T LEARNED A PHUCKING THING!!!
So ultimately Roger has to ask himself the same question I asked myself that I always ask myself that has helped me arrive to similar conclusions in the past that paid massive dividends for your boy…ANd that is what’s it worth to you?...TO me it’s worth EVERYTHING! So know that even though I have found a way to bring myself to respect you…That doesn’t mean I won’t wipe you off the face of this planet like the piece of shit you are without hesitation or a 2nd presumably rational thought!
???Ya DiGG???
PHuCK ARoUND ANd FiND OuT LiKe IT’Z THe FiRST F’N TiMe ALL OVeR AGAIN!
…and yeah Jill I’d say sometimes it BE LIKE THAT, ya know?...Yeah you KNOW!
Jill Matthews: OK so we covered why and how we got to this point, and we got your opinion on the current state of the business and what this NEW Championship Match against long standing rival Roger Wright means to you. I’d say we pretty much have it all covered unless there is something you’d like to say in closing perhaps something about NEW’s immediate future?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well this was very much unlike the first time you banged TonZ oF FUN
!!!!!HARDLY ANY PAIN AT ALL!!!!!
…AND NOT NEARLY AS MUCH CRYING WHIMPERING OR WHISPERING EITHER!
Ya know Jill I’m starting to wonder if somewhere along the way you miraculously got really good at this (or at least infinitely better than you were)...Or perhaps I was up to my cheeks in drugs sex rock n roll and lots and lots of golden belts and was probably way too blitzed out of my mind to notice you for the talented and delightful person you are!!!!
Jill stands up walks over to Johnny raises her hand and begins to repeatedly slap Johnny any and every where she can as he tries to shield himself from the fury of this firecracker of a soccer mom as she yells…
Jill Matthews: WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SUCH A FUCKIN JERK???…UHHH I FUCKIN HATE YOUU-UHHHHH!??
LA Johnny Stylez: WHAT?...Hey knock it off ya got damn spider monkey…COOL IT! STOP, Look OK FINE…Truth?...TRUTH and I just want you to know I was really trying to be serious…probably! Because like sheeeyeaaahhhh right there is no way it was the second scenario, bc even if I was to whacked to notice you swallowed so much semen your first three years in NEW the doctors mistook it for you phucking blood type…
!!!!!TWICE!!!!
…GOOD TIMES RIGHT JILL…?
GOOD F’N TIMES INDEED, AND THEY ARE COMING BACK FROM WHAT I HEAR!!! Ohh wait which reminds me, while you still got them cameras rollin I do have one last thing I want to say, so make sure you twat waffles perk up and listen here cause I’m only gunna run yall this here
!!!!O.N.C.E.!!!!
Cause AFTER THAT EVeRyTHING ELsE WiLL SPeaK FoR ITSELF, QUOTE ME ON THAT!!!
For those of you who saw the marquee that had New Edge Wrestling written in the brightest lights on the broadway…And underneath it in the FEATURE PRESENTATION SLOT you saw the familiar names Roger Wright and LA Johnny Stylez were booked to once again wage war for the right to enter this new era of New Edge Wrestling as not just it’s CHAMPION, not even as it’s FACE, but more so than anything else as it’s
!!!!L.E.A.D.E.R.!!!!
…So Really I GenUiENLY HoPe YoU NeW PHUCKERZ ARE BeTTeR AT FoLLoWING ORDERS THAN I WAS AND PRETTY MUCH STILL AM!!!
So if you saw that match and shrugged it off as “same ole NEW” I’m here to phuckin tell ya, you couldn’t be any further from the phuckin facts! It may appear that way on the surface sure only a fool would deny that, but this more so than any other time is a critical point which we are going to have to find a way to push through together or the half ass mockery that presently stands where something at least resembling greatness once and obviously no longer stands are going to win…And if these garage sale versions of bad gimmicks we left to burn in the same flames that torched GFED are the ones to train the next generation then that means it will be worse…and it scares me to know that as desolate as it is now…It can still always
!!!!!F’N BE WORSE!!!!!
…AGAIN MOLLY MAYHEM DEFEATED RYAN PUGH FOR THE NEW TITLE, IN REAL LIFE!!!!
I mean how do I not REST MY CASE off the strength of that one nugget of real life crappola? But really all joking aside…It may seem like this is all trying to return to our former glory which ok full disclosure of course that is apart of this. But in times of great peril you should turn to the ones you know not only get the results but the ones you were originally HOPING FOR…ANd as always I can’t speak for Roger, yet I still have every confidence Roger will do anything and everything within his means and power to put fourth the absolute best version of himself…Because not only is this a historic achievement for the victor, nor is it simply another epic battle between two of the greatest CHAMPIONS wrestling has ever known…Well yes it is those things but one thing it is also meant to be is an actual real life
!!!!!F’N DISPLAY!!!!
OF HOW GREAT THIS GAME OF OURZ IS WHEN IT’S PLAYED RIG…Nah
…Let’s say CORRECTLY…Yes when it’s played correctly I like that much better! So for now boys and girls as well as the other pronouns who are considering identifying as a prepositional phrase moving forward for the first time in a long time, lay your head on your pillow and dream sweet dreams, because the proven brand that has time and time again set the standard of excellence in this game of ours, by producing and putting on the best phucking wrestling shows on the planet, and while you mock, hate, jest and joke about how this is the same ole same ole.
...WHen the morning after IGNITE comes and the new era of New Edge Wrestling is officially underway know I’ll be the one on your monitor as you talk about me and us on your social medias, twitters, snap chats and everything else in between and then week after week we will regain inch after inch, until opinion starts to lean more towards fact and you can’t deny or ignore the force of innovation, change, stability, and real life greatness that New Edge Wrestling has once again brought to the table…Know then in that very moment I will be silently waiting there for you to turn around.
…So I can hopefully literally, but actually will wind up being figuratively punching you all in your baby dicks and as you bend over gasping for air that aint there, I am going to lean in and whisper the same thing I am going to whisper to the entire world loudly and clearly what I have always whispered to stupid dickweeds just like all of you when we found ourselves in these types of situations…Which of phucking course is that you take advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity to be among the first to
!!!!!SoaK!!!!
!!!!!SoMe!!!
!!!!!!UP!!!!!!
AS WE ONCE AGAIN WELCOME YOU ALL HOME!!!
Johnny then turns his back to the camera and the live feed cuts off. Johnny turns around and takes a deep breathe and looks Jill Matthews way and extends a sincere thumbs up…Which she of course responded to with her middle finger! Johnny shook his head and chuckled to himself as he put his blunt back in his mouth took a hit held it in for a few momenrts and as he exhaled the smoke it completely covers the entire camera to where we can’t see a thing.
When the smoke finally clears we find ourselves in the empty NEW locker room after World War X when LA Johnny Stylez defeated then NEW Champion Avalanche in an epic I QUIT MATCH in which Johnny won by threatening to take a taser to Avalance’s mysterious lady parts, causing him to scream out and the entire wrestling world heard it…Because in that moment not only did he end his one and only reign as WORLD CHAMPION SUBMITTING LIKE A BUSTER ASS BITCH WHILE AT THE SAME TIME ANNOUNCING THE NEWS THAT NEW EDGE WRESTLING now had a brand new Champion, and his name was The DoN oF DI$ReSPeCT LA Johnny Stylez.
Everyone else had gone home…or the hotel, or wherever you get it…Point is no one is still in the arena…No one save the freshly crowned World Champion still in his ring gear sitting on a black leather couch just holding the belt in front of him looking at it. Come on…Don’t tell me yall don’t notice that look…EVERYONE KNOWS THAT LOOK, because lemme tell ya if you don’t know the look of a FOOL that is head over heels intoxicatingly inlove…Then you probably should spend more time around you know people that you can talk to instead of FACETIME..Just sayin
But anyway Johnny was drenched because after he walked to the back in the locker room his fellow stable mates the LORDZ OF CHAOS welcomed their new champion and the beginning of this new era with a CHAMPAGNE shower. The alcohol had been dried long ago as evidence by the crust like formation on his wrestling trunks, but Johnny couldn’t stop gazing at it. His silent obsessing was then suddenly and surprisingly interrupted as the sound of another voice made Johnny jump like he was about to get caught jerking off or something. HE threw his hands up and squinted his eyes trying to see who’s ass he was finna have to kick, until he saw that it was his cousin and now also boss the owner of NEW…Jesse Styles. He looks at the new CHAMPION and shakes his head in a disapproving manner as he says…
Jesse Styles: For FUCKS SAKE PLEASE TELL ME YOU WERENT IN HERE JERKING OFF WITH THE BELT IN YOUR HANDS!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: I can tell you that, but I can’t and won’t promise that I wasn’t thinking it! Well actually honestly i really wasn’t, but thanks for the idea!
Jesse Styles: Johnny…there are just so…so very many things wrong with you!
LA Johnny Stylez: I know…But phuck it we are in too deep now CUZ!
Jesse Styles: Indeed we are sir…INdeed we are. I was fixing to head out, and I know I already congratulated you so be happy you got that because don’t think I’m gunna be doin that again or kissing your ass because you are the CHAMP…Stay in your lane and I’ll stay in mine, and together I think we can navigate this ship and everyone on it directly where it needs to go…I guess the only question I have to ask now is.
…Are you ready?...Are you ready to do what you need to do in order to help me see this thing through?...Cause this is it man…We are both in the big game now and everything is on the line! So no matter what happens after tonight you never EVER loose sight of that you hear me Johnny?
We may not be family in the genetic sense of the word, but aside from that bullshit scientific fact shit we are by every other unwritten law and code indeed FAMILY…There may be times when we wantto rip each others throats out…and hell for all we know one of us might fuck around and pull it off one day…But no matter what we will always HAVE THIS…As long as we play smart and never let em beat us!
LA Johnny Stylez: AGREED FAM! I can promise you this…I’ll never stop fighting, I’ll never stop pushing…and no one will ever ever be able to shut me up..ANd if they can’t shut me up what phuckin prayer in the universe do they have hoping to stop me? But we will cross that bridge when we get to it…RIght now SIR we have a very expensive and lavish party to get to that will more than likely result in a lot of damages and probably us being banned from that hotel…and any other one within a five mile radius at that…But it will be one for the ages I promise! HERE IS TO THE FUTURE!!!
Jesse Styles: AND THE PRESENT!!!...Please don’t say your catch phrase!!!
(Since we already said it twice we will spare you the third one…) However we leave you with this charming scene of what it was like the moment before the pro wrestling powerhouse known as New Edge Wrestling shot into existence and took pro wrestling by storm, and allow you tio draw your own conclusions about how different the times and circumstances may be, but if you look close enough you will notice that at the root of that is the fact that some things never change…because they don’t have to…AND WE WON’T HAVE TO…Grab a TWIX AND CHEW THAT ONE OVER UNTIL IGNITE AND IT ALL BEGINS AGAIN!!!
SO welcome back on this truly momentous occasion because it has been ABSOLUTLEY TOO LONG, before you ended such a captivating intoxicating experience only to be reminded just a brief moment before it ends that
…It’s Been YOUR PLEA$uRE!!!!
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??