...INTRODUCING MiSS Bia NoBoDy!!!
Jan 3, 2024 17:37:58 GMT -6
Omar Azure (Blue Dragon), Josh Cole, and 1 more like this
Post by lajohnnystylez419 on Jan 3, 2024 17:37:58 GMT -6
I forgot myself for a phucking second! Literally ONE PHUCKING SECOND, but as I know better than most that is all it takes in this business to get got…And that’s what happened no two ways about it! But it’s aight…Ohh but Ms. Salinas my lil
But we will get to that shit in a bit, because yall aint gunna believe the shit that happened to me. It was like, ya know what yall just watch this shit!
…K so there I was mere moments after Tom Davis informed the general public that I put a beating so PHUCKIN HORRENDOUS on CUNTZILLA also known as Blair Buchannan that her body made the decision she probably wasn’t strong enough to make herself and GAVE OUT…I’m talkin complete
So sweet that I was even in position to put an exclamation point on my victory and you muddah phuckers know how I much I love my EXCLiMaTioN PoINTZ!!! So I backed up and was just about to try and hit Ms. Buchanan so hard it would at the very least cause some sort of permanent brain damage. But just before my foot could connect with her head, that’s when the lights went out!
I clearly remember hitting the ground and closing my eyes…I could still hear the rabid roar from the crowd as they clamored for more violence…THat is until all the got damn booing started! SO my eyes shot open and I was still in an NEW ring…Only it wasn’t the one that I was standing victorious in just a few moments prior. This was something else…I looked around and I remember thinking. HoLD oN a phucking second I know this place!...But how, like no seriously how in the
I look around and suddenly I’m not even in the ring anymore. I’m on the outside standing by the commentary table, and clearly no one in this entire arena, in this entire crazy scenario can even phucking see me…I know I PHUCKING CHECKED….Like a whole bunch of fuggin times! And that is when I heard his voice…
Male Voice: Hey ASSHAT, why don’t you come over here before you miss it and we will just have to do this whole thing all over some other time….And believe me when I tell you brother you don’t want that smoke!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: K, uhhh two questions. Number ONE…WHO IN THE UNHOLY PHUCK ARE YOU? And secondly please tell me that the only kind of smoke you have isn’t just the kind I allegedly don’t want!?!
I looked over and I seen this dude standing there. He looked like some just regular schmuck. I know for a fact I never seen this phucking dude a day before in my life…But I swear there was something so familiar about him I just couldn’t shake it. BUt fortunately he did have some of the smoke I wanted…So I DIDN’T DO WHAT EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS GUNNA DO…K….I DIDN’T
SO as I take the blunt he passed in my direction I put it in my mouth and took a hit. Felt real and everything. I remember exhaling the smoke and looking up and watching myself and my then at the time stablemate in the cRu former NEW World Champion Xavier Xanon Xanders was booked to defend the NEW CHampionship against me…because well quite frankly we beat the phucking
So this was inevitable…Xavier knew it just as well as anyone…SO one day he came to me backstage with a plan…A plan to “swerve” everyone and allow him to gracefully bow out of the Main Event picture…A courtesy I should have phucking denied him…An idea I should have rejected…And then it phucking dawns on me…
LA Johnny Stylez: OK HOLD THE PHUCK UP there CRAZY spirit man that is the only person in an entire sold out arena that can see me! Why in the phuck are we even here?
Mystery Man: I dunno Johnny…it’s your head! Your brain brought us here and is presently keeping us here my dude! If I had to wager I’d say it would hopefully serve as the universes way of trying to tell you something.
LA Johnny Stylez: K well then why won’t the universe quit being a bitch and just come on out and tell me, because well I did leave this building the NEW CHAMPION AGAIN…But I don’t wanna watch this shit bruh, it pisses me off!
Mystery Man: MAybe that is why you are here my friend!
LA Johnny Stylez: SO seriously you aren’t gunna tell me who the phuck you are?
Mystery Man: Johnny you know who I am…I mean maybe not right now, but take some time think about it! Ohh and I really hate to be the one to have to point out that if you and I are here…That means the lights aren’t all on upstairs if you catch my drift!
LA Johnny Stylez: GOT PHUCKIN DAMNIT YOU ARE RIGHT!!!! GOT DAMNIT THAT DUMB GUTTER SLUT!!!
Mystery Man: See ya round Johnny BOY!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Wait! NO….WAIT HOLD ON I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS!!!
Mystery Man: AGAIN we are in your head ya fuggin MO-MO…Which means you probably have the answers too! But for now whatever this is is over…You have much more pressing business to get to, but don’t worry we will speak again real soon! NIGHT CHAMP!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Whatever you’re a DICK!!! WOAHHHHHHHHHHHH…
And then like some weird SpongeBob weird kid cartoon graphic slowly unravels the walls of my memory and I start falling…I PHUCKING HATE FALLING…But just before I hit the ground suddenly once again my eyes open and I sit back up in the NEW ring I was in when all of this started. I looked up at the entrance ramp and I saw Valora Salinas making her way up the entrance ramp with her back turned to me…Boy is she phuckin stupid! The ref Jim Floss and his choady lookin self was standing over me with one of the medics and much to my own shock a look of relief comes over their faces when they see that I have come back to.
I could still hear these phuckin St. Louis
Telling me Valora was going to beat me for the NEW TItle…
I sat up and I held out my hand for Jim to help me up to my feet. His chubby cold fingers give me the creeps as he almost falls over pulling me up to my feet. But I catch his stupid ass and straighten out his ruffled penguin jersey, as I then forcefully backed him into a corner and asked him a few questions that were just nagging at me…
LA Johnny Stylez: K Jim…I need you to give it to me straight here bro! How long was I out?
Jim Floss: Uhh I dunno couldn’t have been more than a minute? Are you feeling alright?
LA Johnny Stylez: NO?...I mean yeah..Well PHUCK…Feeling alright? YES, it’s just that really felt like it has been hours! OK but nevermind that…I did beat Blair right? I mean I’m pretty sure I remember, but I got my bell rung pretty phuckin good!
Jim Floss: Yes sir I had to stop the match on account of Ms. Buchanan’s body giving out. They rushed her to the hospital not ten minutes ago!
LA Johnny Stylez: And using the powers of observation I am going to say the culprit who banged me on the back of my noggin is none other than that SELF RIGHTEOUS, SILLY BITCH Valora Salinas?
Jim Floss: Ye…Uh yess sir Johnny…
LA Johnny Stylez: WOAH, Jim…Come on asshat, you used to be a commentator but now your a ref, which as you very well know means you aren’t allowed to address me by my first name…Come on bruh Ima need you to phuckin keep up, I got other shit I need to figure out here! SERIOUSLY! Not to mention you know as good as anyone I have ZERO PROBLEM laying you out right here right now, and if you insist on being a BITCH, you know as well as anyone else backstage I am not above or below SLAPPING YOU LIKE ONE!
Jim Floss: Um…I’m sorry Joh…I mean Mr. Stylez!
LA Johnny Stylez: Mr. Stylez THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ya figgin DINKUS!!! LOOK NEVERMIND just answer me this…The last thing I recall doing was preparing to close my account with Blair permanently and kick her concussion right into
I remember stepping backwards. I remember lining up the shot, and I remember taking the steps, and then lights out! So my question Jim is did I at least get the shot off? Did I land the kick?
Jim Floss: Um…I’m sorry Mr. Champ Johnny Stylez sir, but Valora got to you literally in the knick of time literally half a second in either direction and you most likely would have landed it. Actually it was so perfectly timed it’s almost as if it was planned.
LA Johnny Stylez: GOT PHUCKING DAMNIT I AM GOING TO FUCKING MURDER THAT
And let me tell ya Jim in my travels I have found THE WORST MOST INSUFFERABLE KIND OF STuPID PEOPLE are the ones who think they’re smart! And well by the time I’m done with that HO her stupidity will be the only thing these phuckin jerk offs that fill them seats will be able to see when they look at her! And she’ll have no one to blame but herself!
Jim Floss: If you want my opinion sir Mr…
Floss smacks the canvas as everyone else out by the ring looked up with that “OHHH NO” look on their faces, you know the one you’d see on the hens when a fox gets into their house. Even Jim looks up at Johnny holding his cheek silently screaming a prayer to be rescued from what he has seen follow something like that one time too many. But Johnny holds his hands up motioning for the people outside the ring not to worry, he then turns to Jim Floss and bends over saying…
LA Johnny Stylez: No JIM, I don’t want your opinion, no one wants your opinion…Cause if they did PHUCKSOCK, you’d still be on commentary…And you are not on commentary anymore are you?...NOD if you understand me!
Jim Floss slowly and shamefully nods.
LA Johnny Stylez: You are a what Jim?...You can actually answer this time…
Jim Floss: a ref…
LA Johnny Stylez: I’m sure I didn’t catch that would you mind repeating it…Louder OBVIOUSLY??
Jim Floss: I’M A REF!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Good, so that means one of your primary functions is to watch…But you are the one in stripes so I assume you know this! For instance you have seen me backhand a lot of people, so you know what typically follows and you will notice you aren’t on the way to the hospital at present! Which means I granted you the one thing I hardly grant anyone…
I did it more as a warning that is really more of a binding verbal contract. From now on if those eyes of yours see anything…Anything at all that should, would, or could bother me or prevent me from my work out here, and you don’t report it to me immediately or as close to it as possible then the next prayer you utter will be to wish you were back here in this moment RIGHT NOW! Suffice to say Jim…A backhand would be the least of your worries…Again NOD iF YOU UNDeRSTaND ME!?!
Jim shamefully nods as Johnny looks around and notices that the fans haven’t left their seats due to whats going on in the ring. So he walks over and demands the Time Keeper to return his PROPERTY. The time keeper motions for the lady at his side to do it after watching Johnny’s treatment of his fellow NEW employee and the lady at his side was more than attractive, so she grabs the NEW Championship, turns around and walks it over to Johnny all smiles. Johnny notices and smiles back as he bends over and collects his prized possession. He winks at her as he looks up at the Time Keeper and rolls his eyes shaking his head we see him mouth the word B-I-T-C-H, and he then turns around and sees Jim Floss still on the canvas holding his cheek. Johnny walks over after slinging that sexy ass NEW Title belt over his shoulder. He actually extends his hand to Jim and Jim doesn’t reach out. He knows Johnny, and Johnny is never nice!
LA Johnny Stylez: Come on take my hand ya scarey bitch I’m done smacking you, believe me I get no enjoyment from it. It irritates me that I even have to do it in the first place! I just have one more question, do you have any idea where my phucking cousin is? They told me Roger’s pussy ass jumped him when I was fixing to walk out from behind the curtain?
Jim Floss: He…he was taken to the hospital sir, the Docs said he was fine, but since he is literally the source of a lot of people’s employment and well-being they thought it best to act on the side of caution!
LA Johnny Stylez: Mannnn I betcha he was PHUCKIN PISSED!!!
Jim Floss: Knowing Jesse like we do I think that is a safe assumption…
LA Johnny Stylez: Jim that was rhetorical, I know I’m right! But look I gotta run, there are much more important things I need to be doing right now sides out here wasting precious time talking to a REF…EW, Jim a ref? HA…GOTTa Go DILDO! Ohhh and remember anything those eyes see, and ears hear any moment moving forward that concerns me in anyway, and I find out you didn’t come report it to me as quickly as possible…Well you saw what I just did to Blair, and I used to be in love with her! What do you think I would do to someone who I thought could be useful to me and winds up being not?...Just ya know SOAK THAT ONE IN Jim…I mean REALLY, and I want you to think about the answer to that question every time you think of not doing what I just asked!...K night night!
Johnny exits the ring and ignores all the fans screaming and begging for high fives from the best wrestler in NEW EDGE WRESTLING…THEN, NOW, AND FOREVER!!! The scene slowly fades as we watch Johnny walk up the ramp and as soon as he makes it to the top of it, he stops dead in his tracks. We see his arrogant smirk shoot across his face as he turns around grabbing the NEW World Championship belt and holds it high up in the air making sure that St. Louis got their last peep pof GREATNESS they’ll see probably for quite some time (You KNOW just like ATLANTA FALCONS fans!) And of course as fricken usual they act like the ungrateful, simple minded, peasants they are and they boo, loudly. Which only makes Johnny’s grin grow wider…And the scene slowly fades into
We see a large black 2023 Cadillac Escalade pull up to NEW headquarters. We see the red reflector lights shine as we see the beautiful vehicle come to a complete stop. Hardly a moment passes before the front door shoots open and we see a face we find slightly familiar but don’t get enough time to make it out as the rather large mans lumbers towards the back door on the passenger side. The door opens and out steps the majority owner of New Edge Wrestling Jesse Styles. He is dressed in a fresh and pressed black Armani suit with a blood red tie.
Jesse looks at the capitol of his wrestling empire and smiles, that quickly vanishes the moment his eyes catch the face of his driver, whom we are unable to see on account of the vantage point being on Jesse so whoever the driver is has his back to us. But Jesse shakes his head taking a step onto the sidewalk, rudely brushing passed his driver, whom we see to be none other than the very man people jokingly refer to as Jesse’s kryptonite…THE BIG NASTY himself, former Senior Official of Outlaw Pro Wrestling as well as former New Edge Wrestling Trans Atlantic Champion…DEVIN friggin STONE YALL!!!! ANd he kinda looks the same way Chris Farley used to look in a tux…
And while the way Jesse brushed passed his former foe now chauffeur said it all pretty much, Jesse apparently didn’t see it that way as he turns around lowering his sunglasses and says…
Jesse Styles: Devin we’ve been over this…More than once! When you open the door, step the FUCK back so I can get out of the fucking car! It isn’t difficult! And put your got damn hat on and get back in the car before someone sees you! And I swear if we have to have this talk again…Well just don’t FUCKING do it…I’ll put it that way! Now put your hat on and fix your fucking face and be ready when I come out, because we have a full day ahead of us!
Devin lowers his head as Jesse strolls passed him and opens the door of the main entrance at NEW HQ. He nods to the few employees that are there today as he makes his way passed the front desk. He nods at his receptionist as he walks down towards the same hall we watched him walk down last time when he was looking for his cousin after they duped Roger and the fans and seized control of New Edge Wrestling at the same time.
So yup we are headed back to THE WAR ROOM.
Jesse presses the hidden button on the wall that is activated by his fingerprints. The door slowly pushes open and Jesse presses a button on the right wall two steps away from the door, closing it behind him. Jesse makes his way down the hall only to find the WAR ROOM empty. No asses in any of the LAZY BOYS, all the TV’s are turned off…For fucks sake the room don’t even smell like the set of a CHeech and CHong flick. Jesse looks around confused…His eyes dart all around the room. He even pulls out his phone checking the last message he received from Johnny that says…”IN THE WAR ROOM, we should talk!”
It isn’t until he steps back into the hall way and hears the sound of something slamming into something else. It sounds like someone punching a punching bag. Jesse looks to the left where the exit is…And then to the right where we see another part of the hallway we haven’t seen until this very moment. He looks confused and tilts his head trying to listen to the sound. He shakes his head and makes his way down that hall till he reaches the very a end and opens the door and walks into not a room, a gym.
There is a old wrestling ring in the center of the room, and entire Gold’s gym built into the far right of the room. There are three large flatscreen TV’s on the center wall much like in the WAR ROOM one ontop of the other..One screen we see brand new NEW Superstar Priscilla White in her last match the other of the screens are matches had by the next person Johnny Stylez is scheduled to face at IGNITE…yall know that silly bitch BIA right?
Don’t worry dickbags we will circle back to this in just a wee bit!
Jesse looks around the room until his eyes locate the direction the sound is coming from. Jesse looks over and sees his cousin’s gym bag in the corner of the ring. He walks over to the far right corner where we see9 punching bags in three rows of three. Johnny is of course in the middle punching the middle punching bag. Jesse looks over his shoulder, but we see his eyes wince in pain, putting some pressure on that freshly injured shoulder after taking that German suplex through the table.. Johnny doesn’t seem to notice his cousin as he has his earbuds in. We can faintly hear “Candy Paint” by Post Malone blaring through Johnny’s earbuds.
Jesse stands there unable to speak because you can tell by the look on his face he is fuggin FLABBERGHASTED! He has known Johnny Stylez longer than anyone else in this biz pretty much and Jesse is steadily searching the annals of his memory logs trying to recall a time he saw his cousin train for a match…Or really just work out in general. But this proves there is indeed fact a first time for everything.
Yet despite his doubts if he is even awake or not, he decides to quit wasting time and get to the bottom of this situation immediately, cause they say if you see your family members and or loved ones make a DRASTIC change in their behaviors it means something is probably going on with them…And even though most medical professionals and people that know who he is in general don’t think the normal laws that govern most humans don’t govern the man who at present is the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion.
SO Jesse smiles to himself as he shouts!
Jesse Styles: SIR!...EXCUSE ME SIR!!!
Jesse’s shout got his attention, as Johnny almost jumps out of his skin, as he jumped but had his fist rared back ready to start hookin before his eyes caught sight of his cousin standing there in a black tailormade suit with his arm in a matching black sing. Johnny then smirks and then fist bumps his cousin as he removes his ear buds, and well the look on his face drops when his cousin hits him with this…
Jesse Styles: Um sir, I’m sorry I have no idea how you even got in here to begin with, but this is private property and you are absolutely trespassing! DO I need to call security?
LA Johnny Stylez: SO what? LiKe You think you’re some kinda funny guy now? Huh? Some kinna wise ass?
Jesse Styles: OK FINE, but seriously I didn’t even know you knew this room existed! Actually if we are being honest I wasn’t sure you knew rooms like this existed anywhere! I mean you will have to forgive my reluctance to accept the fact that you are indeed My cousin?...I mean I am actually kinda compelled to ask for further proof…
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh, OK so like we are really doing this? GREAT…If you insist cue ball go ahead ask me anything…
Jesse Styles: Who is the worst NEW CHAMPION OF ALL…
LA Johnny Stylez: KADEN PHUCKING CEDRIK!!! Ask me a REAL QUESTION!!!!
Jesse Styles: Shane Sparx would also have been an acceptable answer but, OK why does Brandon Moore only go by Brandon now?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhh beats the phuckin piss outta me? But given the limited evidence at our disposal if I had to hazard a guess I’d say it’s probably because some part of him has accepted how forgettable he is, was, and in all likelihood always GUNNA PHUCKIN BE!!!...There?
Jesse Styles: OK last question who won last time you and I got in the ring?
LA Johnny Stylez: P-H-U-C-K Y-O-U…Are we done with this yet?
Jesse Styles; OK well now that we made sure you aren’t some clone or possessed by some evil spirit…Now you need to explain what you got goin on here BUD?...I mean this is a gym for all intents and purpose…SO maybe a coincidence?...But then here we are all of the TV screens are showing matches competed in by the person you are facing at the next IGNITE in Ms. BIA…
LA Johnny Stylez: Who is a TOTAL CUNT!!!
Jesse Styles: No argument here…But stay with me here Johnny I am getting the feeling I’m on the verge of an enormous discovery right now! SO OK gym, BIA matches on all the TVS…But to top it all off here you are working one of the bags, and judging by the looks of things it aint like you just got here bud…So we have collected all the evidence and I think I now have enough proof to finally answer the question I have been asked more times than I care to count…ANd well honestly I never knew the answer myself until right here…Because Johnny tell it to me straight…Are you in here like actually training for a match?
LA Johnny Stylez: You havin fun?
Jesse Styles: Kinda, yeah…But I actually really wanna know because I figured you didn’t. Because I’ve known you for pretty much my entire life…I have been your boss and wrestling promoter for well over two decades and this is seriously the first time I have ever seen you in a gym! I mean the place doesn’t even smell like pot…Nevermind usually it smells like you grow the shit here…
LA Johnny Stylez: I do…
Jesse rolls his eyes but continues…
Jesse Styles: WHATEVER you are in here working out, watching tape of your opponents matches, and you are doing it sober…I’ve never seen you do any of these things!
LA Johnny Stylez: First off…I don’t do anything sober!
Johnny holds up his left gloved hand thats still balled into a fist and turns his hand around opening his fingers allowing Jesse to see his Cake (weed) disposable vape, which is a marvelous wonder of technology as it allows Johnny the chance to smoke anywhere cause THEY FOUND A WAY TO TAKE AWAY THE SMELL..Which Johnny proves by then holding it up to his mouth and inhaling firmly as we see the bottom light up. He then briefly pauses before blowing the smoke out completing his demonstration of the new marvelous wonders of weed that no longer smells!
LA Johnny Stylez: And just because that’s the case, just because you never seen me do it means that I don’t?...Yet I’m always in ring shape, and I always have a very intimate knowledge of each of my opponents…Who they are, what they are good at, what they aren’t good at…How smart they are…How quickly they can think on their feet in the ring. How scrappy they are…Take for instance this
I HaVe HaD HoUR LoNG WaITING RooM SeSSiONS AT THe DoC’S oFFicE THaT WeRE MoRe ENTeRTaiNG Than HER!!!!
I mean for her age her in ring technique is almost flawless. And while that is very impressive in it’s own right the truth of it is she aint nearly as phuckin sharp as she thinks she is!
Jesse Styles: Ohh yeah absolutely, ya know I’m actually not just shocked to find you in here doing this, because one of the things I wanted to talk to you about Johnny is you do not wanna take any one of these kids you will be facing at one point or another lightly. Especially competitors like Bia…I hand picked this entire roster. You know I’ve always had an eye for talent, and when I left OPW and AGW I stumbled upon a practical treasure trove of talent! I mean yes Bia is far from perfect, but that doesn't make her any less dangerous. Because she is professionally trained and if you make the mistake of giving her a single…
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah I know all about yout “eye for talent” there SLICK, like the time you went and signed AL Envy away from TEW as the first person you wanted to challenge me for the NEW title, and didn’t tell me until after he informally introduced himself after I took my belt from Avalance?
Jesse Styles: Johnny stop! That was like literally a million years ago! And see this exact conversation we are having at this very moment?...This is me not doing that again, so quit bein a bitch and listen to what I’m tryin to tell ya…Now about Bia…
LA Johnny Stylez: Jess, I’m not saying this to be a cocky ass, and yes I’m well aware that is exactly what I sound like, but please hear me… I know dude! Look around you man…I’m prepared…Have you ever not known me to do my homework? I know about Bia. I know what she stands to gain and I know what she stands to lose. I also know she can be easily taunted. I know that the things that come out of my mouth have the same effect on her that they do pretty much everyone else! And well you know almost better than anyone what happens to people that allow me to drive them to madness before we even step through those ropes, right? And that is all not withstanding the fact that I know personally for me this is a loss I simply cannot take right now. Bia is the first of the new breed that I have found across the ring from me since we have been back…And well why I have defeated my first two soundly, if Bia comes out here and finds a way to pull off a got damn
Therefore losing to her is completely out of the question! Which as you see for yourself is a matter I am actually taking very seriously!
Jesse Styles: Yeah, I know you know this shit. Honestly I guess I’m still kinda shocked to see you doing shit I was almost convinced you never did! But still man I gotta ask you…It feels like there is somethin about all this you aint tellin me. I mean is there anything I need to know?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well let’s just say this time around there is a lot more on the line than my pride! There is something I need to and will take care of and not to worry Jes when it’s sorted you will be the first to know! But believe me when I tell you my boy you have no need to worry. And right now you might be the only phucking person in New Edge Wrestling that
IF anything Jesse I can tell you is that I still want the same things I always have, only this time I want them so VeRY MUCH MORE!!! And well bruh there is also the elephant in the room we need to consider.
Jesse Styles: And what’s that?
LA Johnny Stylez: The fact that we need to do something in order to let all these young fuggin WHiPPeRSNaPPeRZ know the consequences of trying to prevent us from accomplishing what we set out to!
Jesse Styles: Yeah well it aint just the rookz we gotta worry about!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah…about all that! No one is more aware of the fact that aside from me handing Blair one very satisfying ass whoopin the last Ignite was far from a success in my opinion. We were both attacked from behind, and well…We can’t
There is a very big week ahead of us Jesse, and as you can see for yourself I’m here getting in front of all that! Let’s just say one week from today everyone in the phucking PEASENT LOCKER ROOM will know what happens when you cross us!
Jesse Styles: Why do I have a feeling that not only do you have a plan, but whatever the hell it is, is more than likely going to result in trouble? And probably lots of it at that?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well what choice did they leave us with? A lot of these new phuckin D-BaGZ weren’t here for the heyday of this wrestling promotion, they think what all dumb phuck younger “talent” always thinks. They think our time has passed yadda yadda, yeah yeah
They want their piece of the pie don’t make a difference if they are vets that been here from jump or rookies greener than my got damn bank account, they wanna make it round here they need to understand we are going to force them to earn every
We are at a critical place Jesse! They may have a few more ticks on the clock then we do, but they need to understand that we aint done yet and well we are in the positions we are in for a phucking reason! But not to worry being the foremost expert on Di$ReSPeCT that I am makes me fully aware of the fact that I know respect is something that needs to be
It’s time we teach the peasants what happens when you don’t
…So now I guess the only question is my friend, are you ready?
Jesse Styles: Ready? Ready for what?
LA Johnny Stylez: To remind everyone in New Edge Wrestling that the reason they call us THE PHUCKIN BUSINESS is because that is PRECISELY WHAT WE
Come on PuMPKiN we are burnin DAY LIGHT HERE!
Jesse Styles: What do you mean?...Like right now?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhhh, yeah cause well if you wanna know the truth of it we are actually late…Maybe even REALLY LATE, but I never worry about such things, let’s go!!!
Jesse Styles: WAIT hold the fuck up for a second here! I’m injured over here I can’t be just running around with you doing your shenanigans! I mean where the hell are we even supposed to be going? Or more importantly what in the hell could we possibly be late for?...And what if I have shit to do?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah but you don’t!
Jesse Styles: I might! I am the owner of a wrestling company!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah but you still don’t?
Jesse Styles: How the hell do you know?
LA Johnny Stylez: Because making sure Devin Stone is still cutting your grass with scissors doesn’t count as something better to do! Plus, you wanna come with me!...TRUST ME!!!
Jesse Styles: Yeah you must be high! OK well at least tell me where in the hell we are going?
LA Johnny Stylez: To give back to the community!
Jesse Styles: Which one?
LA Johnny Stylez: This one!...SO I guess yours?
Jesse Styles: OK but why?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well I’d be fibbing if I said it wasn’t mostly to prove a point, but also because it’s what prominent owners of prominent wrestling companies do! And well good press is good press!
Jesse Styles: FUCK the press is gunna be there?
LA Johnny Stylez: How else is everyone going to hear about it?
Jesse Styles: JOHNNY FOR FUCKS SAKES HEAR ABOUT WHAT?
Then as the universe has a wicked habit of doing at the most inopportune times Johnny’s cell phone starts going off. Johnny’s eyes glance at the name on the screen, and his eyes widen. He looks up at Jesse almost laughing proving that the irony of this particular situation isn’t lost on him.
Jesse Styles: Johnny! NO! Don’t you…DON’T YOU DARE ANSWER THAT PHONE!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: But Jesse I really really have to…Gimme one sec!
Johnny motions to his phone and despite Jesse tyring to stop him, Johnny holds off as long as he can but eventually answers holding up his finger telling his cousin it will only be a second…A second waiting on Johnny Stylez…HA! Johnny puts the phone to his ear and walks away but not too far so we can’t hear.
LA Johnny Stylez: Talk to ME!...Wait what? You can’t be serious! 7,000 for a got damn DONKEY? NO I DON’T WANT TO BUY THE DONKEY YOU HALF WIT, I want to rent it for a few hours!...YES OF COURSE I’LL BRING IT BACK ALIVE!...And tell OLD McDonald I said not to worry I’m not renting it for that! But I need you to get this done for me and make sure you and that jackass are where you are supposed to be! And look just pay them whatever…GET IT DONE!!!
Jesse Styles: I’m afraid to even ask!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah you probably don’t wanna know! But ya know that wasn’t the only interesting phone call I’ve taken today!
Jesse Styles: Ohh yeah? Is it who I’m thinking about?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yup sure is…SO SuFFiCe TO SAY..HELP IS ON THE WAY!!
Jesse Styles: Well that’s great fucking news! What a relief! That should help us with a lot of our problems right there! Fuck might even solve a few of em!
LA Johnny Stylez: That is true, and quite remarkable considering initially the goal was to cause problems, so yeah I’d say we come out ahead…AS USUAL! Now let’s be on our way call your shady chauffeur and have him pick us up around back!
Jesse Styles: Well you at least tell Devin where we are going?
LA Johnny Stylez: Sure will!...Right after!
Jesse looks into the camera after Johnny nodded in it’s general direction before he finished saying uh…the last thing he said. Jesse rolls his eyes and says…
Jesse Styles: I thought you said we were already late?
LA Johnny Stylez: I did….and I guess we still are!
Jesse Styles: I HATE YOU! HURRY THE FUCK UP!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: I dunno, this Bia BIATCH aint exactly the brightest crayon in the phuckin box, ya know?
Jesse Styles: HURRY…THE FUCK….UP!
Johnny shakes his head laughing as he takes his phone and pulls up a location, he whistles before Jesse has a chance to officially storm out and Johnny tosses Jesse his phone.
LA Johnny Stylez: Tell your MORON that’s where we are going, swipe outta that and everything you need to know about where we goin and what we are doin exactly is all there. I’ll be as brief as the universe allows!
Jesse Styles: I still hate you!
LA Johnny Stylez: Even if that were true I don’t think I could really blame you for it!
Jesse storms away saying a great deal many other things most of them four letter words! Johnny chuckles to himself as he turns around and removes his UFC bag gloves. He then begins the process of unwrapping his hands. He turns his back to us as he tosses the handwraps aside and then walks over to a small black bench that has the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship properly displayed across it. Johnny then turns around to the camera and holds up his finger asking for just one more moment, cause ya know if you are gunna do somethin might as well do it right…RIGHT?...RIGHT!!!
Johnny then grabs his NEW Championship belt and effortlessly wraps it around his waist snapping the belt into place from behind. He then takes his hands and swings the title to where the front plate is sparkling and shining gloriously right in every last one of your STUPID F’N FACES!!! Johnny then hits his CAKE dispo and exhales the smoke. He then takes a deep breath followed by another dipo hit, and as he releases the smoke from his nostrils he chuckles to himself as he begins to speak.
LA Johnny Stylez: So yall wanna hear a joke?...OF COURSE YOU DO! Who don’t like to laugh? ANd BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YA this shit I’m finna run ya is
OK so, there is this CUNT…Most people call her Bia, cause she’s either too cool for last names or her parents REALLY didn’t like her, neither would shock me honestly! But that’s not the point! See Bia is a combat sports prodigy or so I gathered whilst doing my homework! And well there are a great number of people that would even put this stupid bitch at the very forefront of the recent youth movement in New Edge Wrestling. But another thing you need to know about Bia (incase you didn’t already) is that Bia is a very ambitious person! If you listen to the fumbled and mumbled moronic statements that fall from her weiner warmer of a mouth BIG BAD BIA is going to waltz into the kingdom of New Edge Wrestling and she is…look wait here comes the funniest PHUCKING PART! And mind you this is a very paraphrased quote…But BIA is going to waltz into NEW and she is going to
…I mean look forgive me for saying this but…
…Ohhh wait you were being serious?
OK..OK let’s actually be serious now! But just for the sake of sayin shit for the record I just would like to say…Ms. Bia you really are one
A question for the philosophers I suppose! But while we are on the subject of philosophical questions if you are at all curious why I find that to be so…SO VERY AMUSING well I’ll be more than happy to share it with you. After all force feeding MORONZ the painfully obvious is something I clearly have experience with. And there it is Ms. Bia, because in all honesty the amusement I get from hearing that statement isn’t drawn entirely from the fact that it fell out of your mouth. Cause look here mama I know you aint exactly the brightest crayon in the box, but there is no way you are even THAT DIM to think you are the first person to
Cause I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell ya this Ms. Bia but even if your claim to humble me was meant as a threat, a promise, or literally anything else at the end of the day a JOKE is all it will ever be! I mean can you blame me? People have been promising to humble me for years and do you think I would do the things I do, or speak the way as only I do if anyone had ever even gotten close? So maybe I wasn’t exactly accurate when I said a joke is all that statement winds up being because as you will come to discover for yourself soon enough ya
That isn’t even a slight against you and your abilities inside the squared circle, because I’m not the type of fool you take me for B! Do I think I’m going to beat you?...YOU BET YOUR FLAT ASS I DO! But does that mean I overlook the fact that the possibility of it not going my way is just as real?
SO yeah let’s even go ahead and talk about it…only because it pertains to the overall phucking point! Because could you win?...Sure… as HIGHLY UNPHUCKINGLIGHTLY as it may be, it could happen…and let’s for argument sake say that it does!...You still with me there SHORTSTACK? K so just a quick recap right now we are on tour of the very last stop in the multiverse where you pull this win out of your ass…with the rest of your head apparently, and you are able to some how devise away with the help of one or two miracles from dietys you never even heard of and some how managed to pull off what will easily be the biggest upset in New Edge since its reformation, ohh wait sorry…In the biz we call em
Ultimately what you are failing to grasp here my sweet dim witted BAG BEATER is that you may very well defeat me at IGNITE, but one thing I can promise you won’t do and I say THIS SHIT with absolute certainty, DONALD PHUCKING TRUMP WILL BE NAMED
…True story MAMA, but look you don’t even have to take my word for it…Allz ya gotta do to continue being the stubborn OX I had you PeGGeD AS SiNCe THe MoMeNT I FiRST SEENT YA, then all you need do is simply turn around and ask one of any of the other I dunno what it’s actually up to at this point but if I had to guess I’d say feel free to ask one of the other fuggin
Better men and women have tried, sometimes two and three at a time! But you know what B? As I sit here and think about it, and I can’t believe I’m actually going to admit this to you, but I can’t shake the feeling that I may have misspoken the time or two where I may have used a word or a small collection of them to point out what I perhaps mistakenly viewed as you
…Do you know what the difference is Bia? We’ll just go head and hop over the majestic OBVIOUS ELEPHANT in the ROOM and just go ahead and tell you that the one and only thing that separates STUPIDITY from IGNORANCE is
Because biggest and most humiliating PUBLIC ASS BEATING you have or will ever TAKE IN YOUR LIFE not withstanding this is actually quite a significant match aside from the fact that I had to come down the card to face you! Because while New Edge Wrestling has come out on fire promising and packing a very promising crop of young up and comers with solid vet LEADERSHIP. We are heading into our third show, yet this is the very first time one of you has found yourself on the wrong side of the ring FROM ONE OF ME! SO what in the phuck does that have to do with your
Because see while you are officially a member of the New Edge Wrestling roster you still have NO PHUCKING INKLING of anything RESEMBLING A PHUCKING UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT THAT MEANS TO BEGIN WITH!! Here we expect…or maybe these days it’s more of a DEMAND, but at any rate the DEMANDED EXPECTATION IS, WAS, AND ALWAYS PHUCKING WILL BE
You can talk down to me all you’d like, go ahead and act like me being the greatest (and at PRESENT THE ONLY) CHAMPION in New Edge Wrestling doesn’t impress you. But I do ask that you’ll excuse me if I once again uncontrollably break into laughter again because even you have to see the humor in someone who has a forgettable appearance (put it mildly obviously) in the NEW Rumble, and then a SURPRISE WIN over the NEW RUMBLE Silver Medalist, which honestly I saw coming a mile away, I mean COME the WOMAN ALLOWS
That idiot knows about successfully navigating the murky challenging waters of one of the most successful and long standing wrestling promotions in the world as you do entertaining people other than YOURSELF…Because look
OK time back in…Where were we? OHH yeah…SO yes please tell me Bia you do see the IRONY of someone with a forgettable appearance in the NEW Rumble…that she did not win, and if you didn’t win then guess we know what column to count that in, and then you have a victory over a Queen who is slowly coming to terms with just how exactly SMALL THE POND SHE AND YOU CAME FROM ACTUALLY WAS…and VERY MUCH STILL
All that aside a person with that shit to her name telling the guy who won two straight main events and a 7th WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE she’s not impressed is well is there a polite way to say
But don’t worry B you are fixing to know better than most what it means to compete in one of our rings! If you want to beat me little girl you are going to have to fight harder than you ever have in your life! Which is one of the things I have always found so amusing about you bag beaters…All the technical talent in the world, but have fallen at my feet like any and all of the others! Because Bia not only are you not the first person to threaten to humble me, you aren’t even the first…whatever you are! We’ve seen the whole
And for someone who is supposed to be a combat sports prodigy your foolishness and lack of perception or even simple grasp of the obvious would be phucking impressive if it weren’t so PHUCKING SAD! For instance let’s take your current predicament. Sure in that ring you are second to none, but what happens when the situation uh…
Sorry to say but your frontchancery will be worth the value of a BLOCKBUSTER GIFT CARD! I wonder how good you’ll be then? Because well again
Johnny stops talking and motions for the camera to pan out so everyone can get a clear view of him wearing the NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE AROUND HIS WAIST…You know cause it’s HIS! Before once again having to say
And that is when its gunna happen to you Bia! It is in that moment where I see that look in your eye the moment you realize that while you were busy throwing your oar over the side you look down at the water and realize that you done phucked around and drifted into the deep end…And incase they didn’t warn you dear there are indeed
…And here you are without your phucking floaties! Cause if you think for two seconds that even if you win I’ll allow you to walk out of that arena on your own two phucking feet then you really need to save your two cents because you clearly aren’t paying attention, and the bill is finna be due, and when the DoN oF Di$Re$PeCT comes to collect…Well I get results! But look B, I get it…I really do! You have to act tough, right? But that knot jerking tighter in your stomach at the conclusion of my every run on sentence is called FEAR! Because your worst nightmare is fixing to come to life! You have to by now at least realize this isn’t gunna go the way you thought! I’m not going to make the mistake you are hoping to pray on. I’m not going to underestimate you. So you can carry on thinking I’m a fool because of the way I speak or whatever, but then what do we call you after I bury you underneath the your own pile of
Because I alluded to it earlier, and as I’m sitting here thinking about it the one thing you really need my girl is a LAST NAME! Cause well if you are going to only rock one name you kinda have to be cool…Like STING, PRINCE, The Rock…And well I’ve already alluded to you having as much charisma as a pile of dirty laundry and well if you don’t wannan get lost in the shuffle here in NEW then it only stands to reason that you shouldn’t do anything to make it easier on them…And well one name is much easier to forget than two…
But it can’t just be any name can it? NO! No a competitor such as yourself needs something not just distinctive and original, but something that also perfectly embodies everything you are! ANd before I share it with you, I want you to know this is just one of several gifts I am going to give you over the course of the next few days! And while most times you wait to give the most important gift last I am gunna remix that and start with the best first…Because this one will set the stage for the others. It will make them all mean more I guess is what I’m trying to say…So without further ado Ms. Bia the last name I have chosen for you…and shall hereby from this moment on refer to you as always! So ladies and gentlemen it is with great pride and pleasure I proudly present to you Ms. BIA
It’s kinda perfect don’t you think? Because unless you can get over yourself, find a way to rise to the standard I set. Unless you gain a proper appreciation of just who and what the phuck you are up against. Unless you pause for a brief moment to consider that I am perhaps more aware than you that Jesse Styles hand picked you to be one of the leaders to carry the torch that we already phucking lit for ya well into the future….As long as you realize that I’m here to see if he was right…Because the ones who prove themselves will earn their place in wrestling history, the ones who rise to the occasion will rightufly earn a place in this compay’s very bright future…While everyone else will just join a long list of fools, idiots, and twats I’ve made
Come on Ms. NoBoDy this shit aint over yet!!!...Ohh WELCOME TO NEW EDGE WRESTLING By THe By!
Which then brings us to…
Scene opens back inside the WAR ROOM. We see Jesse all leaned back in one of the barge black leather Lazy Boys. Jesse reaches over to a small table that stands between his chair and his cousin’s and grabs the remote. He checks his watch and then shouts off into the distance…
Jesse Styles: JOHNNY HURRY THE FUCK UP IT’S ABOUT TO START!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhhh it’s ok I know what happens we were kinda there remember?
Jesse Styles: ALWAYS GOTTA BE AN ASSHOLE DON’T YA?
LA Johnny Stylez: Relax, relax I’m right here! These blunts unfortunately don’t roll themselves ya know?
Jesse Styles: OK SHUT UP! WE’RE ON!!!
Suddenly scene switches to Jesse and Johnny’s POV as we join them on watching the 5 p.m. broadcast of the WGN (Chicago) evening news. WGN anchors
Dina Bair: Well it appears as one of Chicago’s most controversial sons has decided to try and improve his image and that of his Chicago based wrestling promotion New Edge Wrestling.
Jackie Bange: Yes the enigmatic figure known as Jesse Styles along with his cousin who just so happens to be the Champion of Jesse’s wrestling promotion were both on hand yesterday to announce the plans to construct a brand new battered women’s shelter in down town Chicago just a few blocks from the New Edge Wrestling headquarters itself….Our field reporter Jenna Barnes is on location for more on this blockbuster announcement!
Jenna Barnes: Thank you Jackie and Dina, that’s right in a rather uncharacteristic move Chicago’s own says it’s time to give back to the community that he claims has given him so much. Right now I am standing in front of what will someday soon be the officially sponsored and funded shelter designed to help women who have been the victims of domestic abuse somewhere to get back on their feet. Jesse claims he understands the severity of the issue and the need for us all to do our part…
Scene then quickly cuts to the press conference held yesterday by Jesse Styles to announce his philanthropic project. Jesse is standing wearing the same suit we saw him in yesterday, his arm still in the black sling. His cousin NEW CHAMPION LA Johnny Stylez proudly stands beside him also wearing a black Armani suit with a bright blue tie and vest. Johnny’s thick rimmed sunglasses shield his red glassy eyes as his trademark arrogant smirk plastered across his face as Jesse speaks to everyone on hand.
Jesse Styles: After my cousin’s recent foray into philanthropy I have to say I was inspired! I wanted to help do my part for my community and find a way to give back, and one issue my cousin and I discuss quite oftenly is that of the mostly unheard cry of women who have suffered mental abuse, physical abuse, or both! ANd given the fact that I employ several of the top female combat sports competitors in the entire world who better than us to stand up say we won’t stand for this! And so it gives me great pride and pleasure to announce than within the next year and a half a brand new facility will be built here, and you have MY WORD as a GENTLEMEN we will do everything in our power to see this battle is not just fought but perhaps even won! ANd so as a way to give inspiration to any females out there who are too afraid to seek help, my cousin suggested a wonderful idea to let these ladies know there are others like them, who have decidedto roll their sleeves up, pick themselves up and keep on fighting the good fight. And so before any actual construction begins my cousin would like for the first bricks to be laid on this foundation bare the names of the very female women soldiers who have or will take beating after beating and keep pon trucking.
Johnny then steps forward with a black briefcase in his hand. He places it on the table in front of Jesse and then stops removing a pair of white gloves from his back pocket he then goes about opening the case. It pops open just like it did in the movies and then we see Johnny wrap his fingers around the contents of the case which we find out are two literal bricks with the names BLAIR BUCHANNAN and BIA NOBODY careved into them. Johnny then walks over to the edge of the stage and then holds his gloved hands out and then Johnny drops the bricks onto the ground like he just dropped the mic. He then looks into the camera briefly lowering his sunglasses and he winks directly into the camera. We see Jesse doing his best not to laugh,as Johnny sees and immediately has to look away.
We then hearing roaring laughter coming from them both as the news story winds down.
Jesse Styles: JOHNNY YOU ARE THE WORST!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: What?...I actually phuckin feel bad!
Jesse Styles: WHy?
LA Johnny Stylez: Cause I promised Bia she would be the first brick laid in the New Edge Wrestling battered BITCHES shelter…But ohh well, not the first time she found out she wasn’t the first to do something this week! Sides we could use the good press right?
Jesse Styles: Gotta hand it to you actually, normally this would have been a shit show you left at my feet to clean up, but this time you actually accomplished both your elaborate FUCK YOU…and wound up making us look like heroes for it! SO well done sirt! Now you just need to concern yourself with Bia because I can almost promise you she is going to be pissed!
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohhh I’m sure she is, and if not she will be by the time she arrives to IGNITE this week!
Jesse Styles:You mean this wasn’t it? Which can only mean there is more…Please tell me there isn’t anymore!
LA Johnny Stylez: JESSE COME ON MAN! You remember the last IGNITE right? Valora and Roger took it upon themselves to stick their noses in our business and physically harm us! If we allow that to stand what kind of message ooes it send to the BIA NOBODYs, and Rylie Ruins, Meg Coleman’s and so on and so fourth on the roster! They need to not just know…BUT ALWAYS BEAR IN MIND the cost of phucking with the BUSINESS! We have no choice to teach these twats why they call us the BUSINESS In the phuckin first place!
Jesse Styles: And why is that?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well they call us the BUSINESS cause that’s what we give the asshats who cross us!
Jesse Styles: JOHNNY FOR FUCKS SAKES JUST SKIP TO THE PART WHERE YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU DID!!
LA Johnny Stylez: OK, OK chill bro! OK first thing I want you to keep in mind is that I also did this for the children!
Jesse Styles: …
LA Johnny Stylez: OK, I did it to get a bigger apartment in her head cause shit if the rent is free might as well live in luxury right?...Sorry OK….so here is what’s gunna happen…
As Johnny leans in to disclose his latest misdeed, the scene then switches to
The show doesn’t start for a few more hours but that didn’t stop the fans from gathering in great number after receiving an alert from their phones suggesting they arrive early to take part in the festivities! Apparently there will be a special meet and greet session with special guests of the New Edge Wrestling WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION LA JOHNNY STYLEZ! So be there three hours before show time and get your chance to step up and meet the family of one of NEW’s hottest up and comers, as all the way from DOWN UNDER LA Johnny Stylez has had it arangend for the fans to be able to meet up close and personally the lady responsible for giving birth to Bia NoBoDy, and of course as always she HAD TO BRING HER DONKEY WITH HER!!!
The scene shows an far framed establishing shot of all the TENNESSEE NEW fans that showed up to take part in this side activity. We see a large Donkey standing chewing on some bushes while some short fat lady in a worn pink MUMU slumps in the corner wearing a pair of sunglasses and double fisting two bottles of very cheap prosecco!...It is in that moment where the scene briefly pauses…
Jesse Styles: That…that’s not Bia’s actual mother is it?
LA Johnny Stylez: Nah just the drunk slut who minds the DONKEY inbetween performances. I offered her $75, some edibles, and free BRAZZERS for six months and she agreed to come along…But hey the fans don’t know that…and neither does the $8 I charged them for the pleasure!
Jesse Styles: Yup…it’s worth saying again YOU REALLY ARE JUST THE WORST!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: I ask that you hold off all hurtful judgements until you hear the rest of it!
Jesse Styles: The rest of it? Johnny this is gunna make her blow a gasket!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Again if this doesn’t then this might!!!
Johnny then once again goes to finish his story as the scene switches from kids riding the donkey, Bia NoBoDy’s mother passing out drooling on herself, and then of course the DONKEY shitting everywhere while countless little children take turns petting him. The scene then slowly fades out
As we enter the female locker room we wind a long corner bordered by seemingly countless grey lockers. After we round the corner we see the main common area of the NEW’s women’s locker room, we see Meg Coleman quickly make her way passed us holding her nose almost screaming…
Meg Coleman: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING EVEN DOING IN HERE? IT FUCKING SMELLS LIKE OLD MCDONALDS FARM IN HERE! THIS IS DISGUSTING!
After Meg says her piece, the camera continues to pan around until we see a locker at the center of the room and the reason we notice this locker more than the others is because it is the only locker that has a FUCKING DONKEY TIED TO IT! We see Bia’s mother passed out in the locker room with her mouth wide open. And high above the locker we see the name BIA and right next to that is a folded up piece of paper that says
A pair of hands reach into view and remove the paper and unfold it so that we can all see what it says…
…Dear BIA NOBODY, your pal Johnny here again to let you know these long few weeks of me making a mockery of you and everything you stand for is almost over. We are now just moments away from climbing in the ring and you have your chance to get one of the biggest wins you’ve ever had EVER. Please understand even though I think you are one of the biggest phuckin MORONZ on the NEW roster, I really still didn’t do anything I have done as far as you are concerned for any other reason than it being BUSINESS. You see as the NEW CHAMPION it is my job to constantly raise the stakes and set the bar, and well as I already told you several times you do have potential…
But potential is simply that until you apply it and then realize it! But a message needed to be sent that serious consequences follow those who seek to oppose or dispose us! Tonight I can promise that Roger Wright, Valora Salinas, and YOU will know better than anyone in the world the cost that comes when you cross myself or any member of the BUSINESS…and yes there are others, but that isn’t for you to worry about JUUSSSTTTT YET!
But look Bia, I know right now you may be feeling played because those asshats on the radio led you to believe that I struggled with people I’ve never faced before…It made me LOL for sure but I can see why you might not find the same humor in it I do…SO that explains the enormous bag over flowing with donkey shit stuffed in your locker underneath the drunk slut I paid a few dollars to pretend to be your mother, because I wanted to show you and anyone else that the only struggle I had this week was finding someone to stuff 10 pounds of shit in a five pound bag for $30! So please I hope you take from this what you can, I sincerely hope that Post Malone was speaking for me in his song Candy Paint when he says..
…See YA IN A BIT Ms. NoBoDy…Ohh and please also bare in mind that this time like any and every other time before it
P.S. Also let the DONKEY also serve as a stark reminder that if shit goes SIDEWAYZ for you here…Well there’s always TIJUANA!!!
!!!!MoRoNiC MaMiCTia!!!!
…I KNoW RIGHT NoW IT FeeLZ LiKe YoU DiD THe RiGHT THiNG, BuT TRuS ME CUNT It’LL PASS, VERY SOON!!!
But we will get to that shit in a bit, because yall aint gunna believe the shit that happened to me. It was like, ya know what yall just watch this shit!
…K so there I was mere moments after Tom Davis informed the general public that I put a beating so PHUCKIN HORRENDOUS on CUNTZILLA also known as Blair Buchannan that her body made the decision she probably wasn’t strong enough to make herself and GAVE OUT…I’m talkin complete
!!!!!F’N SySTeM FaiLuRE!!!!
And Lemme TeLL YALL IT WAS TRULY…PHUCKING SWEET!!!
So sweet that I was even in position to put an exclamation point on my victory and you muddah phuckers know how I much I love my EXCLiMaTioN PoINTZ!!! So I backed up and was just about to try and hit Ms. Buchanan so hard it would at the very least cause some sort of permanent brain damage. But just before my foot could connect with her head, that’s when the lights went out!
I clearly remember hitting the ground and closing my eyes…I could still hear the rabid roar from the crowd as they clamored for more violence…THat is until all the got damn booing started! SO my eyes shot open and I was still in an NEW ring…Only it wasn’t the one that I was standing victorious in just a few moments prior. This was something else…I looked around and I remember thinking. HoLD oN a phucking second I know this place!...But how, like no seriously how in the
???F’N PHUCK???
IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE???
Look!!!
NEW ISUNDAY
August 27th, 2011
MAIN EVENT LADDER MATCH
NEW World Heavyweight and NEW Xtreme Title Match
XXX(c) vs LA Johnny Stylez(c)
I look around and suddenly I’m not even in the ring anymore. I’m on the outside standing by the commentary table, and clearly no one in this entire arena, in this entire crazy scenario can even phucking see me…I know I PHUCKING CHECKED….Like a whole bunch of fuggin times! And that is when I heard his voice…
Male Voice: Hey ASSHAT, why don’t you come over here before you miss it and we will just have to do this whole thing all over some other time….And believe me when I tell you brother you don’t want that smoke!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: K, uhhh two questions. Number ONE…WHO IN THE UNHOLY PHUCK ARE YOU? And secondly please tell me that the only kind of smoke you have isn’t just the kind I allegedly don’t want!?!
I looked over and I seen this dude standing there. He looked like some just regular schmuck. I know for a fact I never seen this phucking dude a day before in my life…But I swear there was something so familiar about him I just couldn’t shake it. BUt fortunately he did have some of the smoke I wanted…So I DIDN’T DO WHAT EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS GUNNA DO…K….I DIDN’T
!!!!!F’N FREAK OUT MAN!!!!!
…ALL I WANNA KNOW IS…WHAT THE PHUCK IS GOING ON??
SO as I take the blunt he passed in my direction I put it in my mouth and took a hit. Felt real and everything. I remember exhaling the smoke and looking up and watching myself and my then at the time stablemate in the cRu former NEW World Champion Xavier Xanon Xanders was booked to defend the NEW CHampionship against me…because well quite frankly we beat the phucking
!!!!!P.I.S.S.!!!!!!
OuT oF LiTeRaLLy EVERYONE ELSE!!!
So this was inevitable…Xavier knew it just as well as anyone…SO one day he came to me backstage with a plan…A plan to “swerve” everyone and allow him to gracefully bow out of the Main Event picture…A courtesy I should have phucking denied him…An idea I should have rejected…And then it phucking dawns on me…
LA Johnny Stylez: OK HOLD THE PHUCK UP there CRAZY spirit man that is the only person in an entire sold out arena that can see me! Why in the phuck are we even here?
Mystery Man: I dunno Johnny…it’s your head! Your brain brought us here and is presently keeping us here my dude! If I had to wager I’d say it would hopefully serve as the universes way of trying to tell you something.
LA Johnny Stylez: K well then why won’t the universe quit being a bitch and just come on out and tell me, because well I did leave this building the NEW CHAMPION AGAIN…But I don’t wanna watch this shit bruh, it pisses me off!
Mystery Man: MAybe that is why you are here my friend!
LA Johnny Stylez: SO seriously you aren’t gunna tell me who the phuck you are?
Mystery Man: Johnny you know who I am…I mean maybe not right now, but take some time think about it! Ohh and I really hate to be the one to have to point out that if you and I are here…That means the lights aren’t all on upstairs if you catch my drift!
LA Johnny Stylez: GOT PHUCKIN DAMNIT YOU ARE RIGHT!!!! GOT DAMNIT THAT DUMB GUTTER SLUT!!!
!!!!!VALORA!!!!!!
I’M GUNNA PHUCKIN KILL THAT BIT….
Mystery Man: See ya round Johnny BOY!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Wait! NO….WAIT HOLD ON I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS!!!
Mystery Man: AGAIN we are in your head ya fuggin MO-MO…Which means you probably have the answers too! But for now whatever this is is over…You have much more pressing business to get to, but don’t worry we will speak again real soon! NIGHT CHAMP!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Whatever you’re a DICK!!! WOAHHHHHHHHHHHH…
And then like some weird SpongeBob weird kid cartoon graphic slowly unravels the walls of my memory and I start falling…I PHUCKING HATE FALLING…But just before I hit the ground suddenly once again my eyes open and I sit back up in the NEW ring I was in when all of this started. I looked up at the entrance ramp and I saw Valora Salinas making her way up the entrance ramp with her back turned to me…Boy is she phuckin stupid! The ref Jim Floss and his choady lookin self was standing over me with one of the medics and much to my own shock a look of relief comes over their faces when they see that I have come back to.
I could still hear these phuckin St. Louis
!!!!SHiTKiCKeRZ!!!!
YELLING SHIT AT THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS AT ME!
Telling me Valora was going to beat me for the NEW TItle…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
….Yeah, WHATEVER BRUH!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: K Jim…I need you to give it to me straight here bro! How long was I out?
Jim Floss: Uhh I dunno couldn’t have been more than a minute? Are you feeling alright?
LA Johnny Stylez: NO?...I mean yeah..Well PHUCK…Feeling alright? YES, it’s just that really felt like it has been hours! OK but nevermind that…I did beat Blair right? I mean I’m pretty sure I remember, but I got my bell rung pretty phuckin good!
Jim Floss: Yes sir I had to stop the match on account of Ms. Buchanan’s body giving out. They rushed her to the hospital not ten minutes ago!
LA Johnny Stylez: And using the powers of observation I am going to say the culprit who banged me on the back of my noggin is none other than that SELF RIGHTEOUS, SILLY BITCH Valora Salinas?
Jim Floss: Ye…Uh yess sir Johnny…
LA Johnny Stylez: WOAH, Jim…Come on asshat, you used to be a commentator but now your a ref, which as you very well know means you aren’t allowed to address me by my first name…Come on bruh Ima need you to phuckin keep up, I got other shit I need to figure out here! SERIOUSLY! Not to mention you know as good as anyone I have ZERO PROBLEM laying you out right here right now, and if you insist on being a BITCH, you know as well as anyone else backstage I am not above or below SLAPPING YOU LIKE ONE!
Jim Floss: Um…I’m sorry Joh…I mean Mr. Stylez!
LA Johnny Stylez: Mr. Stylez THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ya figgin DINKUS!!! LOOK NEVERMIND just answer me this…The last thing I recall doing was preparing to close my account with Blair permanently and kick her concussion right into
!!!!F’n BRAIN DAMAGE!!!!!
…Also oF THe PeRMaNeNT VaRiETy!!!
I remember stepping backwards. I remember lining up the shot, and I remember taking the steps, and then lights out! So my question Jim is did I at least get the shot off? Did I land the kick?
Jim Floss: Um…I’m sorry Mr. Champ Johnny Stylez sir, but Valora got to you literally in the knick of time literally half a second in either direction and you most likely would have landed it. Actually it was so perfectly timed it’s almost as if it was planned.
LA Johnny Stylez: GOT PHUCKING DAMNIT I AM GOING TO FUCKING MURDER THAT
!!!!DuMB CuNT!!!!!
…I MeaN SHe’s NeVeR BeeN MiSTaKeN FoR THe BRiGHTeST CRAYON iN THE BoX, BuT DAMN!!!
And let me tell ya Jim in my travels I have found THE WORST MOST INSUFFERABLE KIND OF STuPID PEOPLE are the ones who think they’re smart! And well by the time I’m done with that HO her stupidity will be the only thing these phuckin jerk offs that fill them seats will be able to see when they look at her! And she’ll have no one to blame but herself!
Jim Floss: If you want my opinion sir Mr…
!!!!!SMACK!!!!!
….ALMOST AS IF BY REFLEX JOHNNY BACK HANDS JIM FLOSS!!!
Floss smacks the canvas as everyone else out by the ring looked up with that “OHHH NO” look on their faces, you know the one you’d see on the hens when a fox gets into their house. Even Jim looks up at Johnny holding his cheek silently screaming a prayer to be rescued from what he has seen follow something like that one time too many. But Johnny holds his hands up motioning for the people outside the ring not to worry, he then turns to Jim Floss and bends over saying…
LA Johnny Stylez: No JIM, I don’t want your opinion, no one wants your opinion…Cause if they did PHUCKSOCK, you’d still be on commentary…And you are not on commentary anymore are you?...NOD if you understand me!
Jim Floss slowly and shamefully nods.
LA Johnny Stylez: You are a what Jim?...You can actually answer this time…
Jim Floss: a ref…
LA Johnny Stylez: I’m sure I didn’t catch that would you mind repeating it…Louder OBVIOUSLY??
Jim Floss: I’M A REF!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Good, so that means one of your primary functions is to watch…But you are the one in stripes so I assume you know this! For instance you have seen me backhand a lot of people, so you know what typically follows and you will notice you aren’t on the way to the hospital at present! Which means I granted you the one thing I hardly grant anyone…
!!!!!M.E.R.C.Y.!!!!!
…BuT WIPE THAT STUPID SMILE OFF YOUR FACE, I DIDN’T DO IT OUT OF THE KINDESS OF MY HEART JACKASS!!!
Jim shamefully nods as Johnny looks around and notices that the fans haven’t left their seats due to whats going on in the ring. So he walks over and demands the Time Keeper to return his PROPERTY. The time keeper motions for the lady at his side to do it after watching Johnny’s treatment of his fellow NEW employee and the lady at his side was more than attractive, so she grabs the NEW Championship, turns around and walks it over to Johnny all smiles. Johnny notices and smiles back as he bends over and collects his prized possession. He winks at her as he looks up at the Time Keeper and rolls his eyes shaking his head we see him mouth the word B-I-T-C-H, and he then turns around and sees Jim Floss still on the canvas holding his cheek. Johnny walks over after slinging that sexy ass NEW Title belt over his shoulder. He actually extends his hand to Jim and Jim doesn’t reach out. He knows Johnny, and Johnny is never nice!
LA Johnny Stylez: Come on take my hand ya scarey bitch I’m done smacking you, believe me I get no enjoyment from it. It irritates me that I even have to do it in the first place! I just have one more question, do you have any idea where my phucking cousin is? They told me Roger’s pussy ass jumped him when I was fixing to walk out from behind the curtain?
Jim Floss: He…he was taken to the hospital sir, the Docs said he was fine, but since he is literally the source of a lot of people’s employment and well-being they thought it best to act on the side of caution!
LA Johnny Stylez: Mannnn I betcha he was PHUCKIN PISSED!!!
Jim Floss: Knowing Jesse like we do I think that is a safe assumption…
!!!!SMACK!!!!!
Johnny AGAIN ONLY THIS TIME OPEN PALM…It was delivered swiftly and precisely…Didn’t really have juice the first one did, but Johnny wasn’t trying to knock him down this time. Jim looks up like a whipped dog, as Johnny looks at him and smirks and even almost starts laughing…
LA Johnny Stylez: Jim that was rhetorical, I know I’m right! But look I gotta run, there are much more important things I need to be doing right now sides out here wasting precious time talking to a REF…EW, Jim a ref? HA…GOTTa Go DILDO! Ohhh and remember anything those eyes see, and ears hear any moment moving forward that concerns me in anyway, and I find out you didn’t come report it to me as quickly as possible…Well you saw what I just did to Blair, and I used to be in love with her! What do you think I would do to someone who I thought could be useful to me and winds up being not?...Just ya know SOAK THAT ONE IN Jim…I mean REALLY, and I want you to think about the answer to that question every time you think of not doing what I just asked!...K night night!
Johnny exits the ring and ignores all the fans screaming and begging for high fives from the best wrestler in NEW EDGE WRESTLING…THEN, NOW, AND FOREVER!!! The scene slowly fades as we watch Johnny walk up the ramp and as soon as he makes it to the top of it, he stops dead in his tracks. We see his arrogant smirk shoot across his face as he turns around grabbing the NEW World Championship belt and holds it high up in the air making sure that St. Louis got their last peep pof GREATNESS they’ll see probably for quite some time (You KNOW just like ATLANTA FALCONS fans!) And of course as fricken usual they act like the ungrateful, simple minded, peasants they are and they boo, loudly. Which only makes Johnny’s grin grow wider…And the scene slowly fades into
…4 Days and 19 HOURS LaTeR!!!
(Chicago Illinois NEW HEADQUATERZ)
We see a large black 2023 Cadillac Escalade pull up to NEW headquarters. We see the red reflector lights shine as we see the beautiful vehicle come to a complete stop. Hardly a moment passes before the front door shoots open and we see a face we find slightly familiar but don’t get enough time to make it out as the rather large mans lumbers towards the back door on the passenger side. The door opens and out steps the majority owner of New Edge Wrestling Jesse Styles. He is dressed in a fresh and pressed black Armani suit with a blood red tie.
Jesse looks at the capitol of his wrestling empire and smiles, that quickly vanishes the moment his eyes catch the face of his driver, whom we are unable to see on account of the vantage point being on Jesse so whoever the driver is has his back to us. But Jesse shakes his head taking a step onto the sidewalk, rudely brushing passed his driver, whom we see to be none other than the very man people jokingly refer to as Jesse’s kryptonite…THE BIG NASTY himself, former Senior Official of Outlaw Pro Wrestling as well as former New Edge Wrestling Trans Atlantic Champion…DEVIN friggin STONE YALL!!!! ANd he kinda looks the same way Chris Farley used to look in a tux…
And while the way Jesse brushed passed his former foe now chauffeur said it all pretty much, Jesse apparently didn’t see it that way as he turns around lowering his sunglasses and says…
Jesse Styles: Devin we’ve been over this…More than once! When you open the door, step the FUCK back so I can get out of the fucking car! It isn’t difficult! And put your got damn hat on and get back in the car before someone sees you! And I swear if we have to have this talk again…Well just don’t FUCKING do it…I’ll put it that way! Now put your hat on and fix your fucking face and be ready when I come out, because we have a full day ahead of us!
Devin lowers his head as Jesse strolls passed him and opens the door of the main entrance at NEW HQ. He nods to the few employees that are there today as he makes his way passed the front desk. He nods at his receptionist as he walks down towards the same hall we watched him walk down last time when he was looking for his cousin after they duped Roger and the fans and seized control of New Edge Wrestling at the same time.
So yup we are headed back to THE WAR ROOM.
Jesse presses the hidden button on the wall that is activated by his fingerprints. The door slowly pushes open and Jesse presses a button on the right wall two steps away from the door, closing it behind him. Jesse makes his way down the hall only to find the WAR ROOM empty. No asses in any of the LAZY BOYS, all the TV’s are turned off…For fucks sake the room don’t even smell like the set of a CHeech and CHong flick. Jesse looks around confused…His eyes dart all around the room. He even pulls out his phone checking the last message he received from Johnny that says…”IN THE WAR ROOM, we should talk!”
It isn’t until he steps back into the hall way and hears the sound of something slamming into something else. It sounds like someone punching a punching bag. Jesse looks to the left where the exit is…And then to the right where we see another part of the hallway we haven’t seen until this very moment. He looks confused and tilts his head trying to listen to the sound. He shakes his head and makes his way down that hall till he reaches the very a end and opens the door and walks into not a room, a gym.
There is a old wrestling ring in the center of the room, and entire Gold’s gym built into the far right of the room. There are three large flatscreen TV’s on the center wall much like in the WAR ROOM one ontop of the other..One screen we see brand new NEW Superstar Priscilla White in her last match the other of the screens are matches had by the next person Johnny Stylez is scheduled to face at IGNITE…yall know that silly bitch BIA right?
???YEaH..SO LiKe SHe’S A DUMB CuNT RiGHT???
…WeLL PHuCKIN DUHHH!!!
Don’t worry dickbags we will circle back to this in just a wee bit!
Jesse looks around the room until his eyes locate the direction the sound is coming from. Jesse looks over and sees his cousin’s gym bag in the corner of the ring. He walks over to the far right corner where we see9 punching bags in three rows of three. Johnny is of course in the middle punching the middle punching bag. Jesse looks over his shoulder, but we see his eyes wince in pain, putting some pressure on that freshly injured shoulder after taking that German suplex through the table.. Johnny doesn’t seem to notice his cousin as he has his earbuds in. We can faintly hear “Candy Paint” by Post Malone blaring through Johnny’s earbuds.
Jesse stands there unable to speak because you can tell by the look on his face he is fuggin FLABBERGHASTED! He has known Johnny Stylez longer than anyone else in this biz pretty much and Jesse is steadily searching the annals of his memory logs trying to recall a time he saw his cousin train for a match…Or really just work out in general. But this proves there is indeed fact a first time for everything.
Yet despite his doubts if he is even awake or not, he decides to quit wasting time and get to the bottom of this situation immediately, cause they say if you see your family members and or loved ones make a DRASTIC change in their behaviors it means something is probably going on with them…And even though most medical professionals and people that know who he is in general don’t think the normal laws that govern most humans don’t govern the man who at present is the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion.
SO Jesse smiles to himself as he shouts!
Jesse Styles: SIR!...EXCUSE ME SIR!!!
Jesse’s shout got his attention, as Johnny almost jumps out of his skin, as he jumped but had his fist rared back ready to start hookin before his eyes caught sight of his cousin standing there in a black tailormade suit with his arm in a matching black sing. Johnny then smirks and then fist bumps his cousin as he removes his ear buds, and well the look on his face drops when his cousin hits him with this…
Jesse Styles: Um sir, I’m sorry I have no idea how you even got in here to begin with, but this is private property and you are absolutely trespassing! DO I need to call security?
LA Johnny Stylez: SO what? LiKe You think you’re some kinda funny guy now? Huh? Some kinna wise ass?
Jesse Styles: OK FINE, but seriously I didn’t even know you knew this room existed! Actually if we are being honest I wasn’t sure you knew rooms like this existed anywhere! I mean you will have to forgive my reluctance to accept the fact that you are indeed My cousin?...I mean I am actually kinda compelled to ask for further proof…
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh, OK so like we are really doing this? GREAT…If you insist cue ball go ahead ask me anything…
Jesse Styles: Who is the worst NEW CHAMPION OF ALL…
LA Johnny Stylez: KADEN PHUCKING CEDRIK!!! Ask me a REAL QUESTION!!!!
Jesse Styles: Shane Sparx would also have been an acceptable answer but, OK why does Brandon Moore only go by Brandon now?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhh beats the phuckin piss outta me? But given the limited evidence at our disposal if I had to hazard a guess I’d say it’s probably because some part of him has accepted how forgettable he is, was, and in all likelihood always GUNNA PHUCKIN BE!!!...There?
Jesse Styles: OK last question who won last time you and I got in the ring?
LA Johnny Stylez: P-H-U-C-K Y-O-U…Are we done with this yet?
Jesse Styles; OK well now that we made sure you aren’t some clone or possessed by some evil spirit…Now you need to explain what you got goin on here BUD?...I mean this is a gym for all intents and purpose…SO maybe a coincidence?...But then here we are all of the TV screens are showing matches competed in by the person you are facing at the next IGNITE in Ms. BIA…
LA Johnny Stylez: Who is a TOTAL CUNT!!!
Jesse Styles: No argument here…But stay with me here Johnny I am getting the feeling I’m on the verge of an enormous discovery right now! SO OK gym, BIA matches on all the TVS…But to top it all off here you are working one of the bags, and judging by the looks of things it aint like you just got here bud…So we have collected all the evidence and I think I now have enough proof to finally answer the question I have been asked more times than I care to count…ANd well honestly I never knew the answer myself until right here…Because Johnny tell it to me straight…Are you in here like actually training for a match?
LA Johnny Stylez: You havin fun?
Jesse Styles: Kinda, yeah…But I actually really wanna know because I figured you didn’t. Because I’ve known you for pretty much my entire life…I have been your boss and wrestling promoter for well over two decades and this is seriously the first time I have ever seen you in a gym! I mean the place doesn’t even smell like pot…Nevermind usually it smells like you grow the shit here…
LA Johnny Stylez: I do…
Jesse rolls his eyes but continues…
Jesse Styles: WHATEVER you are in here working out, watching tape of your opponents matches, and you are doing it sober…I’ve never seen you do any of these things!
LA Johnny Stylez: First off…I don’t do anything sober!
Johnny holds up his left gloved hand thats still balled into a fist and turns his hand around opening his fingers allowing Jesse to see his Cake (weed) disposable vape, which is a marvelous wonder of technology as it allows Johnny the chance to smoke anywhere cause THEY FOUND A WAY TO TAKE AWAY THE SMELL..Which Johnny proves by then holding it up to his mouth and inhaling firmly as we see the bottom light up. He then briefly pauses before blowing the smoke out completing his demonstration of the new marvelous wonders of weed that no longer smells!
LA Johnny Stylez: And just because that’s the case, just because you never seen me do it means that I don’t?...Yet I’m always in ring shape, and I always have a very intimate knowledge of each of my opponents…Who they are, what they are good at, what they aren’t good at…How smart they are…How quickly they can think on their feet in the ring. How scrappy they are…Take for instance this
!!!!!BuMBLinG F’N BIaTCH NaMeD BIA!!!!!
She’s GooD DoN’T GeT Me WRoNG, BuT...
I HaVe HaD HoUR LoNG WaITING RooM SeSSiONS AT THe DoC’S oFFicE THaT WeRE MoRe ENTeRTaiNG Than HER!!!!
I mean for her age her in ring technique is almost flawless. And while that is very impressive in it’s own right the truth of it is she aint nearly as phuckin sharp as she thinks she is!
Jesse Styles: Ohh yeah absolutely, ya know I’m actually not just shocked to find you in here doing this, because one of the things I wanted to talk to you about Johnny is you do not wanna take any one of these kids you will be facing at one point or another lightly. Especially competitors like Bia…I hand picked this entire roster. You know I’ve always had an eye for talent, and when I left OPW and AGW I stumbled upon a practical treasure trove of talent! I mean yes Bia is far from perfect, but that doesn't make her any less dangerous. Because she is professionally trained and if you make the mistake of giving her a single…
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah I know all about yout “eye for talent” there SLICK, like the time you went and signed AL Envy away from TEW as the first person you wanted to challenge me for the NEW title, and didn’t tell me until after he informally introduced himself after I took my belt from Avalance?
Jesse Styles: Johnny stop! That was like literally a million years ago! And see this exact conversation we are having at this very moment?...This is me not doing that again, so quit bein a bitch and listen to what I’m tryin to tell ya…Now about Bia…
LA Johnny Stylez: Jess, I’m not saying this to be a cocky ass, and yes I’m well aware that is exactly what I sound like, but please hear me… I know dude! Look around you man…I’m prepared…Have you ever not known me to do my homework? I know about Bia. I know what she stands to gain and I know what she stands to lose. I also know she can be easily taunted. I know that the things that come out of my mouth have the same effect on her that they do pretty much everyone else! And well you know almost better than anyone what happens to people that allow me to drive them to madness before we even step through those ropes, right? And that is all not withstanding the fact that I know personally for me this is a loss I simply cannot take right now. Bia is the first of the new breed that I have found across the ring from me since we have been back…And well why I have defeated my first two soundly, if Bia comes out here and finds a way to pull off a got damn
!!!!M.I.R.A.C.L.E.!!!!
THaT WOULD LiTeRaLLy SeND THE EXACT F’N OPPoSiTe MeSSaGe FRoM THe ONE We NeeD To SeND THIS WEEK!!!
Therefore losing to her is completely out of the question! Which as you see for yourself is a matter I am actually taking very seriously!
Jesse Styles: Yeah, I know you know this shit. Honestly I guess I’m still kinda shocked to see you doing shit I was almost convinced you never did! But still man I gotta ask you…It feels like there is somethin about all this you aint tellin me. I mean is there anything I need to know?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well let’s just say this time around there is a lot more on the line than my pride! There is something I need to and will take care of and not to worry Jes when it’s sorted you will be the first to know! But believe me when I tell you my boy you have no need to worry. And right now you might be the only phucking person in New Edge Wrestling that
!!!!DoNT F’N NEED TO!!!!
WE AINT LOCKED IN HERE WITH THEM…THEY LoCKeD iN THiS BITCH WiTH US!!!
IF anything Jesse I can tell you is that I still want the same things I always have, only this time I want them so VeRY MUCH MORE!!! And well bruh there is also the elephant in the room we need to consider.
Jesse Styles: And what’s that?
LA Johnny Stylez: The fact that we need to do something in order to let all these young fuggin WHiPPeRSNaPPeRZ know the consequences of trying to prevent us from accomplishing what we set out to!
Jesse Styles: Yeah well it aint just the rookz we gotta worry about!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah…about all that! No one is more aware of the fact that aside from me handing Blair one very satisfying ass whoopin the last Ignite was far from a success in my opinion. We were both attacked from behind, and well…We can’t
!!!!BE HaViN THaT SHIT!!!!
ATTACKING THe BUSINESS iS A SeRioUS OFFENSE THaT CoMES WiTH EVeN MoRE SeRiOUS CoNSeQuENCES!!!
There is a very big week ahead of us Jesse, and as you can see for yourself I’m here getting in front of all that! Let’s just say one week from today everyone in the phucking PEASENT LOCKER ROOM will know what happens when you cross us!
Jesse Styles: Why do I have a feeling that not only do you have a plan, but whatever the hell it is, is more than likely going to result in trouble? And probably lots of it at that?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well what choice did they leave us with? A lot of these new phuckin D-BaGZ weren’t here for the heyday of this wrestling promotion, they think what all dumb phuck younger “talent” always thinks. They think our time has passed yadda yadda, yeah yeah
!!!!WHaT THe F-U-C-K E-V-E-R!!!!
TiME TO TeaCH THeSE PuSSyZ WHaT IT MeaNZ TO BE a MeMBER OF THIS ROSTER!!!
They want their piece of the pie don’t make a difference if they are vets that been here from jump or rookies greener than my got damn bank account, they wanna make it round here they need to understand we are going to force them to earn every
!!!!GOT DAMN INCH OF IT!!!
…AnD ALSo MaKe THeM PaY WHeN THe BiLL CoMES DuE AND ALL THEY F’N GOTZ IS THEIR WORTHLESS 2 CeNTZ!!!
We are at a critical place Jesse! They may have a few more ticks on the clock then we do, but they need to understand that we aint done yet and well we are in the positions we are in for a phucking reason! But not to worry being the foremost expert on Di$ReSPeCT that I am makes me fully aware of the fact that I know respect is something that needs to be
!!!!!T.A.U.G.H.T.!!!!!!
…AnD WeLL As oF THiS MoRnING CLaSS IS ABSoLUTeLY IN SeSSION!!!
It’s time we teach the peasants what happens when you don’t
!!!!F’N MiND YoUR BeTTeRZ!!!!
…And I THiNK I KNoW JuSSSSSTTTTT HoW 2 Do IT!!!!
…So now I guess the only question is my friend, are you ready?
Jesse Styles: Ready? Ready for what?
LA Johnny Stylez: To remind everyone in New Edge Wrestling that the reason they call us THE PHUCKIN BUSINESS is because that is PRECISELY WHAT WE
!!!!F’N GIVE PeoPLE!!!!!
SO AGAIN CUE BALL…ARE…YOU….READY…MOTHER PHUCKER???
Come on PuMPKiN we are burnin DAY LIGHT HERE!
Jesse Styles: What do you mean?...Like right now?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhhh, yeah cause well if you wanna know the truth of it we are actually late…Maybe even REALLY LATE, but I never worry about such things, let’s go!!!
Jesse Styles: WAIT hold the fuck up for a second here! I’m injured over here I can’t be just running around with you doing your shenanigans! I mean where the hell are we even supposed to be going? Or more importantly what in the hell could we possibly be late for?...And what if I have shit to do?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah but you don’t!
Jesse Styles: I might! I am the owner of a wrestling company!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah but you still don’t?
Jesse Styles: How the hell do you know?
LA Johnny Stylez: Because making sure Devin Stone is still cutting your grass with scissors doesn’t count as something better to do! Plus, you wanna come with me!...TRUST ME!!!
Jesse Styles: Yeah you must be high! OK well at least tell me where in the hell we are going?
LA Johnny Stylez: To give back to the community!
Jesse Styles: Which one?
LA Johnny Stylez: This one!...SO I guess yours?
Jesse Styles: OK but why?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well I’d be fibbing if I said it wasn’t mostly to prove a point, but also because it’s what prominent owners of prominent wrestling companies do! And well good press is good press!
Jesse Styles: FUCK the press is gunna be there?
LA Johnny Stylez: How else is everyone going to hear about it?
Jesse Styles: JOHNNY FOR FUCKS SAKES HEAR ABOUT WHAT?
Then as the universe has a wicked habit of doing at the most inopportune times Johnny’s cell phone starts going off. Johnny’s eyes glance at the name on the screen, and his eyes widen. He looks up at Jesse almost laughing proving that the irony of this particular situation isn’t lost on him.
Jesse Styles: Johnny! NO! Don’t you…DON’T YOU DARE ANSWER THAT PHONE!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: But Jesse I really really have to…Gimme one sec!
Johnny motions to his phone and despite Jesse tyring to stop him, Johnny holds off as long as he can but eventually answers holding up his finger telling his cousin it will only be a second…A second waiting on Johnny Stylez…HA! Johnny puts the phone to his ear and walks away but not too far so we can’t hear.
LA Johnny Stylez: Talk to ME!...Wait what? You can’t be serious! 7,000 for a got damn DONKEY? NO I DON’T WANT TO BUY THE DONKEY YOU HALF WIT, I want to rent it for a few hours!...YES OF COURSE I’LL BRING IT BACK ALIVE!...And tell OLD McDonald I said not to worry I’m not renting it for that! But I need you to get this done for me and make sure you and that jackass are where you are supposed to be! And look just pay them whatever…GET IT DONE!!!
Jesse Styles: I’m afraid to even ask!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah you probably don’t wanna know! But ya know that wasn’t the only interesting phone call I’ve taken today!
Jesse Styles: Ohh yeah? Is it who I’m thinking about?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yup sure is…SO SuFFiCe TO SAY..HELP IS ON THE WAY!!
Jesse Styles: Well that’s great fucking news! What a relief! That should help us with a lot of our problems right there! Fuck might even solve a few of em!
LA Johnny Stylez: That is true, and quite remarkable considering initially the goal was to cause problems, so yeah I’d say we come out ahead…AS USUAL! Now let’s be on our way call your shady chauffeur and have him pick us up around back!
Jesse Styles: Well you at least tell Devin where we are going?
LA Johnny Stylez: Sure will!...Right after!
Jesse looks into the camera after Johnny nodded in it’s general direction before he finished saying uh…the last thing he said. Jesse rolls his eyes and says…
Jesse Styles: I thought you said we were already late?
LA Johnny Stylez: I did….and I guess we still are!
Jesse Styles: I HATE YOU! HURRY THE FUCK UP!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: I dunno, this Bia BIATCH aint exactly the brightest crayon in the phuckin box, ya know?
Jesse Styles: HURRY…THE FUCK….UP!
Johnny shakes his head laughing as he takes his phone and pulls up a location, he whistles before Jesse has a chance to officially storm out and Johnny tosses Jesse his phone.
LA Johnny Stylez: Tell your MORON that’s where we are going, swipe outta that and everything you need to know about where we goin and what we are doin exactly is all there. I’ll be as brief as the universe allows!
Jesse Styles: I still hate you!
LA Johnny Stylez: Even if that were true I don’t think I could really blame you for it!
Jesse storms away saying a great deal many other things most of them four letter words! Johnny chuckles to himself as he turns around and removes his UFC bag gloves. He then begins the process of unwrapping his hands. He turns his back to us as he tosses the handwraps aside and then walks over to a small black bench that has the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship properly displayed across it. Johnny then turns around to the camera and holds up his finger asking for just one more moment, cause ya know if you are gunna do somethin might as well do it right…RIGHT?...RIGHT!!!
Johnny then grabs his NEW Championship belt and effortlessly wraps it around his waist snapping the belt into place from behind. He then takes his hands and swings the title to where the front plate is sparkling and shining gloriously right in every last one of your STUPID F’N FACES!!! Johnny then hits his CAKE dispo and exhales the smoke. He then takes a deep breath followed by another dipo hit, and as he releases the smoke from his nostrils he chuckles to himself as he begins to speak.
LA Johnny Stylez: So yall wanna hear a joke?...OF COURSE YOU DO! Who don’t like to laugh? ANd BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YA this shit I’m finna run ya is
!!!!!F’N HySTeRiCaL!!!!!
…MaDe Me LaUGH SO HARD THe 1st TiMe I HeaRD IT I NeaRLy PiSSeD MESELF!!!
OK so, there is this CUNT…Most people call her Bia, cause she’s either too cool for last names or her parents REALLY didn’t like her, neither would shock me honestly! But that’s not the point! See Bia is a combat sports prodigy or so I gathered whilst doing my homework! And well there are a great number of people that would even put this stupid bitch at the very forefront of the recent youth movement in New Edge Wrestling. But another thing you need to know about Bia (incase you didn’t already) is that Bia is a very ambitious person! If you listen to the fumbled and mumbled moronic statements that fall from her weiner warmer of a mouth BIG BAD BIA is going to waltz into the kingdom of New Edge Wrestling and she is…look wait here comes the funniest PHUCKING PART! And mind you this is a very paraphrased quote…But BIA is going to waltz into NEW and she is going to
?H.U.M.B.L.E.?
…LA JOHNNY STYLEZ!
…I mean look forgive me for saying this but…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
!!!!SiLLy BITCH!!!!
WHiCH I FiND COnFuSiNG CaUse HoW DO YOU HaVe SuCH a SeNsE oF HuMoR AND ABSOLUTELY NO CHARISMA???
A question for the philosophers I suppose! But while we are on the subject of philosophical questions if you are at all curious why I find that to be so…SO VERY AMUSING well I’ll be more than happy to share it with you. After all force feeding MORONZ the painfully obvious is something I clearly have experience with. And there it is Ms. Bia, because in all honesty the amusement I get from hearing that statement isn’t drawn entirely from the fact that it fell out of your mouth. Cause look here mama I know you aint exactly the brightest crayon in the box, but there is no way you are even THAT DIM to think you are the first person to
!!!!TeLL THaT F’N JoKE!!!!
I BeeN HeaRiNG IT FOR DeCaDES, AnD YoU’LL DO WeLL TO NOTICE I’M STiLL HeRe LaUGHIN!!!!
Cause I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell ya this Ms. Bia but even if your claim to humble me was meant as a threat, a promise, or literally anything else at the end of the day a JOKE is all it will ever be! I mean can you blame me? People have been promising to humble me for years and do you think I would do the things I do, or speak the way as only I do if anyone had ever even gotten close? So maybe I wasn’t exactly accurate when I said a joke is all that statement winds up being because as you will come to discover for yourself soon enough ya
!!!!S.I.M.P.L.E. B.I.T.C.H.!!!!
CaUsE IT WiLL ALSo ReNDeR YoUR THReaTZ IDLE AnD PRoMiSeS EMPTY!!!
That isn’t even a slight against you and your abilities inside the squared circle, because I’m not the type of fool you take me for B! Do I think I’m going to beat you?...YOU BET YOUR FLAT ASS I DO! But does that mean I overlook the fact that the possibility of it not going my way is just as real?
!!!!!YeAHHH…HoW ABoUT NEVER!!!!!
YoU THiNK I’D Be WHeRe I Am ToDay iF I WaS THaT FooLISH???
~!$!~ F.L.U.K.E.Z. ~!$!~
…Cause Ya GoTTa CaLL Em SoMeTHiNG RiGHT???
Ultimately what you are failing to grasp here my sweet dim witted BAG BEATER is that you may very well defeat me at IGNITE, but one thing I can promise you won’t do and I say THIS SHIT with absolute certainty, DONALD PHUCKING TRUMP WILL BE NAMED
!!!!!F.E.M.I.N.I.S.T.!!!!!!
OF THE YEAR 5 YEARS IN A ROW BEFORE YOU EVER HUMBLE ME CuP CaKE!!!
~$~ 3453415435594566 ~$~
DuMB CuNTS WHo PRoMiSeD To HuMBLe Me…AnD DoN’T FoRGeT TO AsK Em HoW THaT WoRKeD OuT FoR THEM!!!!
!!!!!OVERWHeLMiNG STuPiDiTy!!!!!
Cause Maybe YOUR PROBLEM isn’t that your STOOPID….MAYBE YOU’RE JuST ReaLLy F’N IGNORANT???
!!!!KNoWING BETTER!!!!!
…WHiCH BRiNGZ U$ To y THe PHUCK WE ARE ACTUALLY HERE!!!!
Because biggest and most humiliating PUBLIC ASS BEATING you have or will ever TAKE IN YOUR LIFE not withstanding this is actually quite a significant match aside from the fact that I had to come down the card to face you! Because while New Edge Wrestling has come out on fire promising and packing a very promising crop of young up and comers with solid vet LEADERSHIP. We are heading into our third show, yet this is the very first time one of you has found yourself on the wrong side of the ring FROM ONE OF ME! SO what in the phuck does that have to do with your
???IGnoRaNCE???
The ANSWER BIA…IS EVERYTHING!!!
Because see while you are officially a member of the New Edge Wrestling roster you still have NO PHUCKING INKLING of anything RESEMBLING A PHUCKING UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT THAT MEANS TO BEGIN WITH!! Here we expect…or maybe these days it’s more of a DEMAND, but at any rate the DEMANDED EXPECTATION IS, WAS, AND ALWAYS PHUCKING WILL BE
~!!$!!!~ E.X.C.E.L.L.E.N.C.E. ~!!$!!~
…IN UDDeR WORDS IT’S PuT Up OR SHUT UP TIMe CUNT!!!
You can talk down to me all you’d like, go ahead and act like me being the greatest (and at PRESENT THE ONLY) CHAMPION in New Edge Wrestling doesn’t impress you. But I do ask that you’ll excuse me if I once again uncontrollably break into laughter again because even you have to see the humor in someone who has a forgettable appearance (put it mildly obviously) in the NEW Rumble, and then a SURPRISE WIN over the NEW RUMBLE Silver Medalist, which honestly I saw coming a mile away, I mean COME the WOMAN ALLOWS
!!!!CLARK F’N BENSON!!!!
TO MANAGE HER AFFAIRS HOW SMART CAN SHE BE???
!!!!!TiMe-OuT!!!!!
…I JuST WaNNa LeT YOU KNoW YoU ReaLLY ARE A F’N DULLARD!!!
!!!F’N IS!!!!
YALL IN A MUCH DIFFERENT JUNGLE NOW KiTTy KaTZ!!!!
All that aside a person with that shit to her name telling the guy who won two straight main events and a 7th WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE she’s not impressed is well is there a polite way to say
???PHuCKING ABSuRD???
…CAUSE OF THE TWO OF US I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO IS ACTUALLY UNIMPRESSED, AND THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS ANY RIGHT TO BE!!!
But don’t worry B you are fixing to know better than most what it means to compete in one of our rings! If you want to beat me little girl you are going to have to fight harder than you ever have in your life! Which is one of the things I have always found so amusing about you bag beaters…All the technical talent in the world, but have fallen at my feet like any and all of the others! Because Bia not only are you not the first person to threaten to humble me, you aren’t even the first…whatever you are! We’ve seen the whole
?$?$RoNDa RoUSEY RoUTiNe?$?$?
WHaT ALMOST THREE BILLION TIMES BY NOW???
And for someone who is supposed to be a combat sports prodigy your foolishness and lack of perception or even simple grasp of the obvious would be phucking impressive if it weren’t so PHUCKING SAD! For instance let’s take your current predicament. Sure in that ring you are second to none, but what happens when the situation uh…
???ESCaLaTeS???
…AnD SuDDeNLy ANy AND ALL RuLeS CePT SuRViVe ARE GiVeN A VIOLENT F’N SHOVE OFF THE TABLE???
Sorry to say but your frontchancery will be worth the value of a BLOCKBUSTER GIFT CARD! I wonder how good you’ll be then? Because well again
Johnny stops talking and motions for the camera to pan out so everyone can get a clear view of him wearing the NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE AROUND HIS WAIST…You know cause it’s HIS! Before once again having to say
!!!!O.B.V.I.O.U.S.L.Y.!!!!
I CAN CLEARLY HaNG w/ THe LiKeZ oF YoU!!!
!!!!SHARX n THeM WaTeRZ!!!!!
WHo ARe LiTeRaLLy CoUNTING THe SeCoNDZ TiLL THeY CaN CHEW YOU UP AND SPIT YOU OUT!!!
…And here you are without your phucking floaties! Cause if you think for two seconds that even if you win I’ll allow you to walk out of that arena on your own two phucking feet then you really need to save your two cents because you clearly aren’t paying attention, and the bill is finna be due, and when the DoN oF Di$Re$PeCT comes to collect…Well I get results! But look B, I get it…I really do! You have to act tough, right? But that knot jerking tighter in your stomach at the conclusion of my every run on sentence is called FEAR! Because your worst nightmare is fixing to come to life! You have to by now at least realize this isn’t gunna go the way you thought! I’m not going to make the mistake you are hoping to pray on. I’m not going to underestimate you. So you can carry on thinking I’m a fool because of the way I speak or whatever, but then what do we call you after I bury you underneath the your own pile of
???UNDeRE$TiMaTioN???
DON’T WORRY AS ALWAYS I GOT YA COVERED!!!
Because I alluded to it earlier, and as I’m sitting here thinking about it the one thing you really need my girl is a LAST NAME! Cause well if you are going to only rock one name you kinda have to be cool…Like STING, PRINCE, The Rock…And well I’ve already alluded to you having as much charisma as a pile of dirty laundry and well if you don’t wannan get lost in the shuffle here in NEW then it only stands to reason that you shouldn’t do anything to make it easier on them…And well one name is much easier to forget than two…
!!!!IT’S MATH!!!!
…YOU CAN GET YOUR CALCULATOR IF NEED BE!!!
But it can’t just be any name can it? NO! No a competitor such as yourself needs something not just distinctive and original, but something that also perfectly embodies everything you are! ANd before I share it with you, I want you to know this is just one of several gifts I am going to give you over the course of the next few days! And while most times you wait to give the most important gift last I am gunna remix that and start with the best first…Because this one will set the stage for the others. It will make them all mean more I guess is what I’m trying to say…So without further ado Ms. Bia the last name I have chosen for you…and shall hereby from this moment on refer to you as always! So ladies and gentlemen it is with great pride and pleasure I proudly present to you Ms. BIA
~$~ NoBoDy ~$~
…OMG DO YOU LOVEEEE IT???
It’s kinda perfect don’t you think? Because unless you can get over yourself, find a way to rise to the standard I set. Unless you gain a proper appreciation of just who and what the phuck you are up against. Unless you pause for a brief moment to consider that I am perhaps more aware than you that Jesse Styles hand picked you to be one of the leaders to carry the torch that we already phucking lit for ya well into the future….As long as you realize that I’m here to see if he was right…Because the ones who prove themselves will earn their place in wrestling history, the ones who rise to the occasion will rightufly earn a place in this compay’s very bright future…While everyone else will just join a long list of fools, idiots, and twats I’ve made
!!!!SoaK!!!!
!!!!SoMe!!!!
!!!!!UP!!!!!!
…At Least Now You CaN AWAKE THe MoRNinG AFTeR IGNITE AND KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED YOU’LL ALWAYS
!!!!BiA NoBoDY!!
…KiNDa RoLLZ oFF THE TONGUE RIGHT???
Come on Ms. NoBoDy this shit aint over yet!!!...Ohh WELCOME TO NEW EDGE WRESTLING By THe By!
Which then brings us to…
…24 HoURZ LaTeR!!!
Scene opens back inside the WAR ROOM. We see Jesse all leaned back in one of the barge black leather Lazy Boys. Jesse reaches over to a small table that stands between his chair and his cousin’s and grabs the remote. He checks his watch and then shouts off into the distance…
Jesse Styles: JOHNNY HURRY THE FUCK UP IT’S ABOUT TO START!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhhh it’s ok I know what happens we were kinda there remember?
Jesse Styles: ALWAYS GOTTA BE AN ASSHOLE DON’T YA?
LA Johnny Stylez: Relax, relax I’m right here! These blunts unfortunately don’t roll themselves ya know?
Jesse Styles: OK SHUT UP! WE’RE ON!!!
Suddenly scene switches to Jesse and Johnny’s POV as we join them on watching the 5 p.m. broadcast of the WGN (Chicago) evening news. WGN anchors
Dina Bair: Well it appears as one of Chicago’s most controversial sons has decided to try and improve his image and that of his Chicago based wrestling promotion New Edge Wrestling.
Jackie Bange: Yes the enigmatic figure known as Jesse Styles along with his cousin who just so happens to be the Champion of Jesse’s wrestling promotion were both on hand yesterday to announce the plans to construct a brand new battered women’s shelter in down town Chicago just a few blocks from the New Edge Wrestling headquarters itself….Our field reporter Jenna Barnes is on location for more on this blockbuster announcement!
Jenna Barnes: Thank you Jackie and Dina, that’s right in a rather uncharacteristic move Chicago’s own says it’s time to give back to the community that he claims has given him so much. Right now I am standing in front of what will someday soon be the officially sponsored and funded shelter designed to help women who have been the victims of domestic abuse somewhere to get back on their feet. Jesse claims he understands the severity of the issue and the need for us all to do our part…
Scene then quickly cuts to the press conference held yesterday by Jesse Styles to announce his philanthropic project. Jesse is standing wearing the same suit we saw him in yesterday, his arm still in the black sling. His cousin NEW CHAMPION LA Johnny Stylez proudly stands beside him also wearing a black Armani suit with a bright blue tie and vest. Johnny’s thick rimmed sunglasses shield his red glassy eyes as his trademark arrogant smirk plastered across his face as Jesse speaks to everyone on hand.
Jesse Styles: After my cousin’s recent foray into philanthropy I have to say I was inspired! I wanted to help do my part for my community and find a way to give back, and one issue my cousin and I discuss quite oftenly is that of the mostly unheard cry of women who have suffered mental abuse, physical abuse, or both! ANd given the fact that I employ several of the top female combat sports competitors in the entire world who better than us to stand up say we won’t stand for this! And so it gives me great pride and pleasure to announce than within the next year and a half a brand new facility will be built here, and you have MY WORD as a GENTLEMEN we will do everything in our power to see this battle is not just fought but perhaps even won! ANd so as a way to give inspiration to any females out there who are too afraid to seek help, my cousin suggested a wonderful idea to let these ladies know there are others like them, who have decidedto roll their sleeves up, pick themselves up and keep on fighting the good fight. And so before any actual construction begins my cousin would like for the first bricks to be laid on this foundation bare the names of the very female women soldiers who have or will take beating after beating and keep pon trucking.
Johnny then steps forward with a black briefcase in his hand. He places it on the table in front of Jesse and then stops removing a pair of white gloves from his back pocket he then goes about opening the case. It pops open just like it did in the movies and then we see Johnny wrap his fingers around the contents of the case which we find out are two literal bricks with the names BLAIR BUCHANNAN and BIA NOBODY careved into them. Johnny then walks over to the edge of the stage and then holds his gloved hands out and then Johnny drops the bricks onto the ground like he just dropped the mic. He then looks into the camera briefly lowering his sunglasses and he winks directly into the camera. We see Jesse doing his best not to laugh,as Johnny sees and immediately has to look away.
We then hearing roaring laughter coming from them both as the news story winds down.
Jesse Styles: JOHNNY YOU ARE THE WORST!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: What?...I actually phuckin feel bad!
Jesse Styles: WHy?
LA Johnny Stylez: Cause I promised Bia she would be the first brick laid in the New Edge Wrestling battered BITCHES shelter…But ohh well, not the first time she found out she wasn’t the first to do something this week! Sides we could use the good press right?
Jesse Styles: Gotta hand it to you actually, normally this would have been a shit show you left at my feet to clean up, but this time you actually accomplished both your elaborate FUCK YOU…and wound up making us look like heroes for it! SO well done sirt! Now you just need to concern yourself with Bia because I can almost promise you she is going to be pissed!
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohhh I’m sure she is, and if not she will be by the time she arrives to IGNITE this week!
Jesse Styles:You mean this wasn’t it? Which can only mean there is more…Please tell me there isn’t anymore!
LA Johnny Stylez: JESSE COME ON MAN! You remember the last IGNITE right? Valora and Roger took it upon themselves to stick their noses in our business and physically harm us! If we allow that to stand what kind of message ooes it send to the BIA NOBODYs, and Rylie Ruins, Meg Coleman’s and so on and so fourth on the roster! They need to not just know…BUT ALWAYS BEAR IN MIND the cost of phucking with the BUSINESS! We have no choice to teach these twats why they call us the BUSINESS In the phuckin first place!
Jesse Styles: And why is that?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well they call us the BUSINESS cause that’s what we give the asshats who cross us!
Jesse Styles: JOHNNY FOR FUCKS SAKES JUST SKIP TO THE PART WHERE YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU DID!!
LA Johnny Stylez: OK, OK chill bro! OK first thing I want you to keep in mind is that I also did this for the children!
Jesse Styles: …
LA Johnny Stylez: OK, I did it to get a bigger apartment in her head cause shit if the rent is free might as well live in luxury right?...Sorry OK….so here is what’s gunna happen…
As Johnny leans in to disclose his latest misdeed, the scene then switches to
Memphis Tennessee
Mid-South Coliseum
SUNDAY NIGHT IGNITE ep3
The show doesn’t start for a few more hours but that didn’t stop the fans from gathering in great number after receiving an alert from their phones suggesting they arrive early to take part in the festivities! Apparently there will be a special meet and greet session with special guests of the New Edge Wrestling WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION LA JOHNNY STYLEZ! So be there three hours before show time and get your chance to step up and meet the family of one of NEW’s hottest up and comers, as all the way from DOWN UNDER LA Johnny Stylez has had it arangend for the fans to be able to meet up close and personally the lady responsible for giving birth to Bia NoBoDy, and of course as always she HAD TO BRING HER DONKEY WITH HER!!!
The scene shows an far framed establishing shot of all the TENNESSEE NEW fans that showed up to take part in this side activity. We see a large Donkey standing chewing on some bushes while some short fat lady in a worn pink MUMU slumps in the corner wearing a pair of sunglasses and double fisting two bottles of very cheap prosecco!...It is in that moment where the scene briefly pauses…
Jesse Styles: That…that’s not Bia’s actual mother is it?
LA Johnny Stylez: Nah just the drunk slut who minds the DONKEY inbetween performances. I offered her $75, some edibles, and free BRAZZERS for six months and she agreed to come along…But hey the fans don’t know that…and neither does the $8 I charged them for the pleasure!
Jesse Styles: Yup…it’s worth saying again YOU REALLY ARE JUST THE WORST!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: I ask that you hold off all hurtful judgements until you hear the rest of it!
Jesse Styles: The rest of it? Johnny this is gunna make her blow a gasket!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Again if this doesn’t then this might!!!
Johnny then once again goes to finish his story as the scene switches from kids riding the donkey, Bia NoBoDy’s mother passing out drooling on herself, and then of course the DONKEY shitting everywhere while countless little children take turns petting him. The scene then slowly fades out
1 HoUR BeFORE SHOW TIME
Mid-South Coliseum
NEW EDGE WRESTLING FEMALE LOCKER ROOM
As we enter the female locker room we wind a long corner bordered by seemingly countless grey lockers. After we round the corner we see the main common area of the NEW’s women’s locker room, we see Meg Coleman quickly make her way passed us holding her nose almost screaming…
Meg Coleman: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING EVEN DOING IN HERE? IT FUCKING SMELLS LIKE OLD MCDONALDS FARM IN HERE! THIS IS DISGUSTING!
After Meg says her piece, the camera continues to pan around until we see a locker at the center of the room and the reason we notice this locker more than the others is because it is the only locker that has a FUCKING DONKEY TIED TO IT! We see Bia’s mother passed out in the locker room with her mouth wide open. And high above the locker we see the name BIA and right next to that is a folded up piece of paper that says
READ ME CUNT
A pair of hands reach into view and remove the paper and unfold it so that we can all see what it says…
…Dear BIA NOBODY, your pal Johnny here again to let you know these long few weeks of me making a mockery of you and everything you stand for is almost over. We are now just moments away from climbing in the ring and you have your chance to get one of the biggest wins you’ve ever had EVER. Please understand even though I think you are one of the biggest phuckin MORONZ on the NEW roster, I really still didn’t do anything I have done as far as you are concerned for any other reason than it being BUSINESS. You see as the NEW CHAMPION it is my job to constantly raise the stakes and set the bar, and well as I already told you several times you do have potential…
But potential is simply that until you apply it and then realize it! But a message needed to be sent that serious consequences follow those who seek to oppose or dispose us! Tonight I can promise that Roger Wright, Valora Salinas, and YOU will know better than anyone in the world the cost that comes when you cross myself or any member of the BUSINESS…and yes there are others, but that isn’t for you to worry about JUUSSSTTTT YET!
But look Bia, I know right now you may be feeling played because those asshats on the radio led you to believe that I struggled with people I’ve never faced before…It made me LOL for sure but I can see why you might not find the same humor in it I do…SO that explains the enormous bag over flowing with donkey shit stuffed in your locker underneath the drunk slut I paid a few dollars to pretend to be your mother, because I wanted to show you and anyone else that the only struggle I had this week was finding someone to stuff 10 pounds of shit in a five pound bag for $30! So please I hope you take from this what you can, I sincerely hope that Post Malone was speaking for me in his song Candy Paint when he says..
!!!!YoU DON’T F’N KNOW ME HOMIE!!!!
…YOU DON’T WANT WAR!!!
…See YA IN A BIT Ms. NoBoDy…Ohh and please also bare in mind that this time like any and every other time before it
…HaS BeeN YoUR PLea$uRE!!!
P.S. Also let the DONKEY also serve as a stark reminder that if shit goes SIDEWAYZ for you here…Well there’s always TIJUANA!!!
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??