Post by lajohnnystylez419 on Feb 11, 2024 15:35:21 GMT -6
Scene opens inside the Smoothie King Center in New Orleans Louisiana, the place the last episode of Monday Night IGNITE took place. New Edge Wrestling packed em in in another sold out jammed to the rafters show. Things didn’t go as planned for the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion, but we can discuss all of that at a later of time, today is about another matter entirely.
New Edge Wrestling has all but vanished from the Smoothie King center…All but it’s center piece it’s actual
Especially one man in particular but we will let him tell you all about it. Most of the lights in the arena are off save the spotlights that are shining down on the center of the arena where The DoN oF Di$Re$PeCT is sitting once again in his black leather lazy boy. He has the NEW World Heavyweight Championship belt draped over his shoulder as he is wearing a pair of black cargo shorts and a t-shirt that has the words
And right underneath it is a large blue portable toilet with a cardboard sign on the front with the letters TEW crudely sprey painted on it, and drawings of baby devil Johnny and baby Angel Jesse trying to keep from exploding with laughter as they tip that shitbox over!. Johnny is wearing his thick rimmed white sunglasses. He removes them as he reaches towards the arm of the right side of the chair and removes one of his prerolled blunts from his platinum 4:19 case. He pops it in his mouth and he cups his hands over it to light it.
The smoke rises and vanishes into thin air as he looks up and watches it as he chuckles to himself. He shaes his head and looks down, as he peers back into the camera and takes one more hit before starting to do what he does much better than anyone on the planet…ESPECIALLY that phucking NIMROD NITWIT Hunter Valentyne…HeRe WE GO AGAIN…
LA Johnny Stylez: Ya know Hunter you really are one phucking DUMB SON OF A BITCH YOU KNOW THAT? Me…Hide from you? What are you
…So no your just phucking stupid! What you are choosing to view as me hiding from you couldn’t be any further from the truth. But knowing you the way we all do by now, one thing anyone who knows Hunter Valentyne knows good and got damn well that you prefer to stay as phucking far away from the actual truth as possible, and I make you all this promise right here and right now before I’m done talking the truth is one thing Mr. Valentyne should be far more acquainted with…Because actually you narrow minded mental phucking midget is that I can’t tell you how long I have actually gone back and fourth on whether or not to actually waste my time doing this, because literally that is what every single
Cause I honestly did try yall, like for real! I tried taking what you slapasses refer to as the “HiGH ROAD” and I’m sitting here right now tellin ya, that shit is no where near the phucking fun it sounds like. Cause I tried doing what most of the world does when Hunter has a live mic and just straight up
You wanna know why people do that Hunter? You wanna know why no one speaks your name with even a slight modicum of respect? I mean part of me always thought deep down you did know these things, but the longer this shit goes round and round in the same circle it’s clear to me that you don’t which is astounding in and of itself but we will get to that in just a bit, I asked a question that needs answering right?...RIGHT!! Cause seriously ya phucking mook everytime you start flapping your gums everyone either ignores or laughs at your silly little bitch ass and let me be clear I’m not saying they laugh or ignore most of what you say…MY BOY IT IS
I have more questions, cause like really my dude clearly my curiosity got the better of me! Like this aint one of my fancy schmansey rhetorical questions I would actually LOVE it if you actually answered this one…I’ll even say PRETTY PLEASE PUSSY-BOY! SO for the LoVe of GOD could you please explain to me and anyone else who cares to listen how it is even humanly possible for someone who has one of the most
They say failure is one of if not the most effective learning tools in all of human history, which if that’s phucking true that should by all accounts make you the got damn
And since you are the idiot that you are lemme paint a nice pretty picture for ya shitbird…LET’S TAKE ohhh I DuNNO ME FOR EXAMPLE! If you went around and collected the few and far between failures I have accumulated while an active member of the New Edge Roster, your dumb ass would do more than well to note that practically every got damn time, I got back up on my own phucking two, using the failure as both lesson and motivation and not only did more times often than not did I not only RIGHT MY WRONG BUT I SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT SETTLING THE ACCOUNT ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! You should know this on the strength that it has happen to you on more than one occasion ya brain dead asshat! But again since you are the type of idiot that you are…GO ahead and
It is even on the radio for phucks sake…CLEAR AS DAY…They said no one likes to face Johnny Stylez after he loses…Now see the difference Hunter is when I say people say things its because they actually said them, you it comes from whatever delusional plane you spend most of your time on. I mean you Hunter for reasons that defy anything that slightly resembles actual phucking logic will walk directly into the same situations, not a phucking detail out of place and you will make the
And the saddest, or from my perspective the FUNNIEST part about it all is that sometime will go by and then you poke your head out of whatever hole you’ve sunk it into and you waddle back and then simply rinse and repeat! You would think after almost two decades of being the living embodiment of jerking off without the happy ending would be enough for you to learn a lesson…But bruddah, look here doggie if time after time, match after match…YEAR AFTER PHUCKING YEAR you would think at some point it would phucking dawn on you that mayhapz some of these mishaps were of your own making. How can you be screwed over that much? I mean yeah your a phucking jackass and no one likes you, but like I told you eariler MORON…NO ONE
Because your an idiot ontop of being the biggest choke artist in New Edge, and probably ART HISTORY!!! ANd still sitting here talking about it again I am gunna go ahead and ask it again, because Hunter I actually expect an answer here doggie…CAuse for realz I GOTZ TA KNOW
Cause there are certain circles that view the behavior of repeatedly doing the same shit and expecting different results to be the pure definition of INSANITY! Which now that I say it outloud does actually make sense, but at the same time I gotta call BULLSHIT, because to claim insanity for the cause of your walking, ceaseless, INSUFFERABLE stupidity is nothing more than a cop out! More or less and excuse for your to be an IDIOT and the rest of us having to be ok with it because you can’t help it…But you can help it…And by the time we are done so help me GOD YOU WILL HELP IT…Or like anything else worth while you have ever accomplished in this business
But the fact is Hunter, insanity or not everyone but you seems to be well aware of the truth. I mean take Vas for example…He came here and cut a half ass promo knowing that it would probably lead to defeat, but he still did what he did because of who you are. He has no respect for you and nor should he or anyone else…Because why? WHO IN THEIR RIGHT OR LEFT MINDS RESPECTS A GOT DAMN
Cause again Hunter, how is it possible for you to convince yourself that you are even partially responsible for building New Edge Wrestling into the prominent empire it was and will once again be very soon? History is, was, and always will be written by who?...Not in your mind, in reality…K that should make it easier?...NO?...OK BAMP TIMES UP DIPSHIT…HISTORY IS WRITTEN BY THE VICTORIOUS, which automatically phucking
Cause my friend at this point it is simple arithmetic! Your loss column compared to your win column is like comparing Blair Buchanan’s body count to a 3rd graders! Which then obviously literally begs the phucking question of precsley asking what got damn
…Seriously I would actually like an answer to this one as well please because I am phucking DYING TO HEAR THAT SHIT!!!! Almost as much as I can’t wait to hear your actual explanation for what I heard you say sometime before the last IGNITE…PLEASE…PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME I HEARD YOU CORRECTLY WHEN YOU CAME OUT HERE AND HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY
I mean is it possible, are you actually getting stupider? I mean I know your memory is somewhat jaded, but I mean this isn’t even a matter of opinion anymore you phucking HALFWIT NUMSKULL! There is actual historic data that you easily have access to that don’t suggest they TELL YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE WHAT HAPPENED AND HOW IT HAPPENED..But ya know what this is fun for me, so yeah sure you made me right? That’s really what ur gunna go with?...OK LET’S PLAY! OK so while we were DoMe$TiK Di$TuRBaNCE you made not just me but our tag team the success that it was. I mean I know I’m supposed to be playing along, so please pardon me for saying this but
K now that we have spent more than enough time in IDIOTVILLE let’s check those fact keepers known as the HISTORY BOOKS SHALLLLLL WE? Cause you know when having discussions such as these despite what you may believe FACTS ARE ACTUALLY IMPORTANT, K SWEETIE? Ohhh and you might wanna go ahead and mentally prepare yourself for what’s coming because well I said facts, but I meant the truth and well like I said already we allll know just how much
DESPITE YOUR LANCE ARMSTRONG EFFORTZ TO DO SO ASSHOLE!!! K so right HISTORY..FACTS right back to the point! Guess we should start at the beginning of the only thing you have that would resemble what people might consider your GLoRy YeaRZ when
ANd I’ll admit it just as much then as I do right here in this very moment. If it weren’t for DoMe$TIK DI$TuRBaNCE I may not have gone onto become the person I am, but for you to even insinuate that you were the sole driving force behind that is so irresponsible and flat out phucking stupid I’m afraid I must insist you stop here, pause the shit, take a deep breath…Feel good?...GO HEAD HAVE ANOTHER..THEN take your hand and as fast, hard, and precise as you can
Because again you base that claim on what Hunter? What did you actually accomplish during our run in DoMe$TiK Di$TuRBANCE that makes you think you were in anyway my superior? Was it because we held the New Edge Wrestling Tag Tites, defeating Tat-N-FaT in order to do so?...Well incase you don’t recall ya PHUCK MOOK, I along with Ryan Pugh ORCHERSTRATED the entire phucking thing! He turned on INKT and opted to side with Myself, You, Jesse, and Roger and we then formed the original incarnation of The BuSiNESS! Ohh and mind you I have been too polite to point out that it was me who pinned INKT officially crowning DoMe$TiK Di$TuRBaNCE the New Edge Wrestling Tag Team CHAMPIONZ!...While also still being wayyyyy to
Ohhh and well since we are on the subject of the “original” Bu$iNeSS I find it beyond humorous that one of your favorite topics as of late is to openly discuss the BuSiNeSS being an abject failure during it’s first run, which OK fair enough…I mean maybe I guess it all depends on perspective! ANd again in the interest of being fair one of the contributing factors to the Bu$iNeSS ending prematurely was due to most of NEW’s combined might forming up together, but if you ask every single member of the BuSiNESS…and anyone else with eyes and ears who called themselves a wrestling fan at the time will tell you without bating an eyelash or any other notion of hesitation that the MAIN REASON the BUSINESS FAILED all went onto the shoulders of one man, and one man only…and spoiler alert dickhead it aint Me, Ryan, Roger, or JeSSe…GuESS WHO THAT LEAVES ASSBAG???
Who knows he isn’t on the same level as the men he thinks his peers so you always have to try and go that extra mile to prove that you stand out in some way, but everytime you shoot that shot you not only miss but Stevie Wonder could hit the mark from behind his back before you got anywhere near the bullseye because here you are still throwing metaphorical darts at any and everything other than the metaphorical phucking DARTBOARD DICKHEAD!! The straw that broke the camels back so to speak was that one thing was clear and that my friend was that all of us…Jesse and MYSELF ESPECIALLY could no longer bare the burden of having to be a grown ass man’s babysitter because himz don’t know how to behave in public not to mention all of us had our fill of your particular brand of
…And ya know what mother fucker? I’m like almost absolutely certain you were told this by every single one of us individually and collectively, same as they would if you asked em all right now…Don’t believe me, go ahead…BUt wait lemme guess we screwed you over right? You were so busy building NEW up by yourself the rest of us were jealous because we were just winning stupid WORLD TITLES, and you were failing what three shows in a row to take Cera’s what was the name of that title you couldn’t win again? Guess it don’t matter cause you couldn’t win the bitch anyway…But still we keep moving along because believe it or not moron YES
But please tell me you are at least starting to notice a pattern? Cause they say the only type of person who doesn’t recognize one is a
K so now we are finally at what I consider my favorite part of this lil exercise. More questions I’m afraid because Hunter, if you are going to tell people you were the one who made me how can you expect them to believe you when the answer to the question of how many PPVs you MAIN EVENTED(by your lonely?)…or MORE IMPORTANTLY HOW MANY WORLD TITLE MATCHES did you manage to win, was
Cause as you obviously chose to utterly overlook and ignore was there was that one time…MeMBeR? There was that one opportunity at the NEW World Championship you had that time on Collision. AGAIN OBVIOUSLY YOU LEFT THAT NIGHT EMPTY PHUCKIN HANDED THE SAME WAY YOU CAME IN…Now the million dollar question bitch…Who was it that put you down that time? You remember who it was that stomped your ass that night? Come on dildo I’m laying it on pretty thick here only because I know how thickheaded you yourself are! But I refuse to believe you really don’t recall what was the first of
Which now that I stop to consider shit I guess you did, and it happens to be the very thing you are stealing everytime you open your cock carwash! PRECIOUS, IRREPLACEABLE, NOW COMPLETELY PHUCKING WASTED MOMENTS OF OUR LIVES WE CAN’T GET BACK! ANd now what we are doomed to suffer your bullshit again because you failed to learn simple lessons about not only your own limitations and shortcomings, but also simple ins and outs of this business. For example how it works…See the MAIN EVENTS feature a wrestling promotion’s main attraction, who the fans show with their reaction who it is that entertains them the most, and well Ive main evented more NEW PPVS than I can count…And the ones you have were either MULTIMAN matches with way more important people in them or because it was during one of those periods where none of the important people were here to begin with! THAT NOT WITHSTANDING HUNTER VALENTYNE AND THIS QUESTION I ABSOLUTELY
You think I’m afraid of you? Why would I possibly be afraid of you? Cause see and again maybe I’m weird but people that I have shitkicked numerous time don’t really put the fearof God in me, ya feel me moron? Cause again it’s not sometimes, it wasn’t once…I’ve WHOOPED YOUR DUMB ASS
As in they weren’t even PHUCKING CLOSE, NOTA MOTHER FUGGIN ONE OF EM EITHER! And besides when have you ever seen me run from phucking anyone? Anyone who knows THe PaRaGoNa oF AMeRiKaNa KNOWS GOOD AND GOT DAMN WELL if you come round this way looking for a FIGHT, then more times often than not, not only am I more than happy to oblige them, but I also go above and beyond to ensure they also find HuMiLiaTiON, PAIN, and THeN oF COURSe my favorite
LA Johnny Stylez is, was, and will always be a go for the juglar type of FeLLa, and unlike you I under no circumstance TOLERATE FAILURE, because I’m aware of the simple fact that if you are resigned to wage war on the world then you had better know what hills to die on or more importantly which ones not to die on, but your dumb ass charges up hill almost going out of your way to make sure you have every disadvantage as possible and you get mowed down before you get a single meaningful shot off! Cause Hunter our words have to mean something if you truly hope to be or mean anything in this business and I hate to sound like a got damn broken record but I find myself FORCED TO ASK HOW THE PHUCKIN PHUCK IT IS EVEN POSSIBLE THAT YOU
Which is what ultimatley forced me to decide to cut this promo. My responsibilities as New Edge Wrestling Heavyweight CHAMPION…of THE WORLD HUNTER…THE WORLD MOTHER FUCKER, actually compell me to do what I’m about to! Because when you take my well known allergy to gross incompetence, and then add that in with your incessant need to say things out loud, then throw in the fact that winning wrestling matches aint really your jam either and hopefully you can see how you are becoming a phucking LIABILITY…Which makes you a detriment to New Edge Wrestling, which means you ASSWIPE are
You have pretty much no one but yourself to blame for that shit either, because your failure to grasp simple concepts about this business, or why actions speak louder than words…Why winning matters, because Hunter if the things you say aren’t backed up by anything substantial then why should people listen to your dumb ass in the phucking first place amigo?...I MEAN THAT SHIT THERE IS FOR FREE ON THE STRENGTH OF THE FACT THAT IT’S
I mean brother you are beyond the term SHIT SHOW…Cause I sincerely doubt you versus Devin Stone at the IOWA STATE FAIR would draw anything other than flies and cockroaches especially when they could gladly spend their six bucks on a much more satisfying corn dog or something ya fuggin TWAT!!! K so to point an exclamation point on all of this, I have one last question for ya HOTSHOT…
But wait, first I am going to need what we refer to in the BIZ as a
You have one win to your name since NEW has reopened, and it was against someone that was here for a one off that he had to fill on a different show he was even booked on because once again you’d rather be a jerk off than make money or actually do something that might help people take notice. But nope you’ve done nothing but prove that even if you were once upon a time in the same league as me Marty, them days is well in the rearview…Look bruh if you’re still not SoaKiNG any of this in…Lemme put it to you this way…If the Dallas Cowboy fan base was a person…
So if you can give me ONE…all I’m asking for IS ONE actual LEGIT REASON why I should waste the few minutes of my life it would take for me to climb in the ring and stomp your face into MUSH, then I’ll grant you your request free of charge! Because remember phuckrag it was you out here at least twice harping on people getting things they don’t deserve, and well what the phuck does someone who has done nothing but fail deserve aside from the privilege of jerking my curtains open for me on a nightly basis? Your rightful place at Tension in Texas…Hunter
You didn’t even almost win, so rightful place at Tension in Texas? BITCH PLEASE! Hide behind your lawyers skirt while you can…But no one makes demands of THE BUSINESS especially moronz like you! SO here is what we are gunna do, since you in all likelihood won’t come up with a good reason why I should climb in the ring with you, mainly due to the fact that you CAN’T, I suggest we come to an understanding or accord of our own? And look I know you want to get in the ring with ISER so he can make a fool out of you…and yeah you are right if you were to climb in the ring at Tension in Texas and leave the BATTLEBORN Champion that would indeed fact very much interest me, but see the problem there is you are facing and almost friend of mine. Her name is Prescilla White, and she is a lil on the green side, but is still more than capable of handing you your ass like she PHUCKING
But right here right now I will offer you a chance to skip all that and get what it is you say you really want. I will grant you chance to not only deal me what I can tell you without hesitation or reservation would be the most humiliating loss of my career, but also you could be the one to take from me that which I love the most in this world. I heard you flapping your gums talking about not wanting to be the World Champion and if that is how you really feel Hunter then you don’t phucking belong here to begin with. BEcause despite your worthless point of view being the WORLD CHAMPION MEANS EVERYTHING and if you aren’t with that then you are on the wrong ship, and then I have yet one more reason to want to go out of my way to
So Hunter please for once in your life stop being an utter MORON and listen to what the phuck I’m tellin ya! I will not only grant you an opportunity to face me for the NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE, but I will also allow you to dictate every aspect of it…When, where, stipulations, ref, time keeper…ALL OF IT! And all it is going to cost you my former friend is your God GIVEN and AMERICAN RIGHT to freedom of speech…ANd a bit more because see if you agree to this deal…WHen you sign your name on the dotted line it will clearly and legally state that the moment Tom Davis informs you again that the winner and still NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION is oF COURSE LA JOHNNY STYLEZ then you for a period of 7 months will IMMEDIATLEY report to the BUSINESS LOCKER ROOM where you will begin your new duties as our BUTLER, but don’t worry because that will just be your occupation when IGNITE isn’t on LIVE. Control over every aspect of your career will BELONG TO
The only thing I want is an end to your insufferable stupidity! I want an end to all the nonsense, and well after we climb in the ring and I beat you down again then this time for the first time I can stand up and not be forced to listen to any of your idiotic nonsense and NEW doesn’t come off like a joke because we have you on the roster. ANd yes while you will wash our dishes, mow our lawns, fetch me MOUINTAN DEWS…Hopefully this go round you will actually LEARN SOMETHING, which I believe you will find to be much easier when you aren’t allowed to speak! SO there you have it BITCH…I’m not running I’m RIGHT PHUCKING HERE! You are free to carry on the course you are presently on but given your current pace if you even make it to me at all in my opinion would be a GOT DAMN MIRACLE!!! So I’m offering you a chance to avoid all that failure and we get right to it. BUt if you think for a moment that I would allow you to put me in a position where I have everything to lose and you have nothing save what remains of your dignity then you sir truly are one DUMB SON OF A BITCH! THis is a
The facts are you don’t deserve to be in the ring with me, you don’t deserve an opportunity to be NEW World Heavyweight Champion…AND while we are on the subject MARTY you don’t even really deserve to even WATCH MY PHUCKING MATCHES ANYMORE! But in this world you have to pay to play! Put your money where your bitch ass mouth is and if you ARE REALLY
…It’s a more than fair offer consdiering how little you bring to the table! But really it doesn’t matter because it won’t matter what road you decide to take Hunter the bad news you already know deep down is that they all lead down the same PHUCKING DEAD END! WHich means climb the ladder, or take me up on my offer makes no nevermind it all ends the same way..The same way it has since the first time I slammed my shovel into your stupid face just before I burned down your lil bitch ass cafe, the same way it has everytime we have gotten in the ring, or swapped verbal haymakerz…It all ends with you losing and me winning, the only thing you can realistically hope for mi amigo is that this time around you actually
…Guess I’ll be seeing ya, HAHAHAHAHA run from YOU…You’re a silly bitch you know that? K so guess we’re done here!
ANd with that The NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, arrognantly smirks and winks into the camera as he flicks what remains of his blunt into the camera stands up, grabs his NEW World Championship slings it over his shoulder walks towards the camera till he gets close to place the palm of his hand over the camera lens and he pie faces it attempting to send a nonverbal message to the idiot in question who just like the rest you watching this shit are struck with the familiar unwelcome notion that despite the fact that you can’t stand him still watching and listening to him as always
…HaS BeeN YoUR PLea$uRE!!!!
New Edge Wrestling has all but vanished from the Smoothie King center…All but it’s center piece it’s actual
~$~ F’N FRANCHISE ~$~
THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD (IT’S THE MAIN REASON HE’Z BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU)
Especially one man in particular but we will let him tell you all about it. Most of the lights in the arena are off save the spotlights that are shining down on the center of the arena where The DoN oF Di$Re$PeCT is sitting once again in his black leather lazy boy. He has the NEW World Heavyweight Championship belt draped over his shoulder as he is wearing a pair of black cargo shorts and a t-shirt that has the words
“THE ONLY HOUSE HUTER EVER BUILT!!!”
And right underneath it is a large blue portable toilet with a cardboard sign on the front with the letters TEW crudely sprey painted on it, and drawings of baby devil Johnny and baby Angel Jesse trying to keep from exploding with laughter as they tip that shitbox over!. Johnny is wearing his thick rimmed white sunglasses. He removes them as he reaches towards the arm of the right side of the chair and removes one of his prerolled blunts from his platinum 4:19 case. He pops it in his mouth and he cups his hands over it to light it.
The smoke rises and vanishes into thin air as he looks up and watches it as he chuckles to himself. He shaes his head and looks down, as he peers back into the camera and takes one more hit before starting to do what he does much better than anyone on the planet…ESPECIALLY that phucking NIMROD NITWIT Hunter Valentyne…HeRe WE GO AGAIN…
LA Johnny Stylez: Ya know Hunter you really are one phucking DUMB SON OF A BITCH YOU KNOW THAT? Me…Hide from you? What are you
?F’N HIGH?
…NoPe YoU’RE aWaKe SO THaT CANT BE TRUE!!!
…So no your just phucking stupid! What you are choosing to view as me hiding from you couldn’t be any further from the truth. But knowing you the way we all do by now, one thing anyone who knows Hunter Valentyne knows good and got damn well that you prefer to stay as phucking far away from the actual truth as possible, and I make you all this promise right here and right now before I’m done talking the truth is one thing Mr. Valentyne should be far more acquainted with…Because actually you narrow minded mental phucking midget is that I can’t tell you how long I have actually gone back and fourth on whether or not to actually waste my time doing this, because literally that is what every single
!!!!F’N BEATDOWN!!!!
I HaVe EVeR GiVeN YOU WINDZ UP BEING…AND THEY ARE STARTING TO PILE UP THERE DUMB ASS!!
Cause I honestly did try yall, like for real! I tried taking what you slapasses refer to as the “HiGH ROAD” and I’m sitting here right now tellin ya, that shit is no where near the phucking fun it sounds like. Cause I tried doing what most of the world does when Hunter has a live mic and just straight up
!!!!I.G.N.O.R.E.!!!!!
EVeRy DRoP oF STuPIDiTy THaT CoMeZ LeaKinG OuT oF HiS KNoB PoLI$HeR!!!
You wanna know why people do that Hunter? You wanna know why no one speaks your name with even a slight modicum of respect? I mean part of me always thought deep down you did know these things, but the longer this shit goes round and round in the same circle it’s clear to me that you don’t which is astounding in and of itself but we will get to that in just a bit, I asked a question that needs answering right?...RIGHT!! Cause seriously ya phucking mook everytime you start flapping your gums everyone either ignores or laughs at your silly little bitch ass and let me be clear I’m not saying they laugh or ignore most of what you say…MY BOY IT IS
!!!!EVeRy F’N WORD OF IT!!!!
CaUse EVeRyTHiNG YoU SaY i$ EiTHeR PuRE BuLLSHiT oR PaINFuLLy F’N S.T.U.P.I.D.!!!!
I have more questions, cause like really my dude clearly my curiosity got the better of me! Like this aint one of my fancy schmansey rhetorical questions I would actually LOVE it if you actually answered this one…I’ll even say PRETTY PLEASE PUSSY-BOY! SO for the LoVe of GOD could you please explain to me and anyone else who cares to listen how it is even humanly possible for someone who has one of the most
!!!!IMF’NPRESSIVE!!!!!
CoLLECTiON oF MiSSTePZ, BLuNDeRZ and OUT~n~OuT FAILUREZ AS YOU DO AND STILL NEVER MANAGE TO LEARN SHIT??
They say failure is one of if not the most effective learning tools in all of human history, which if that’s phucking true that should by all accounts make you the got damn
~!$!~ HeaDMa$TeR @ HaRVaRD ~!$!~
…YA KNOW IF HARVARD TAUGHT NUMSKULL F’N LOZERZ!!!
!!!!LiTeRaLLy!!!!
…ASK ANY…NO ALL OF EM ABOUT THE TIME THEY BEAT ME AND THE ASS WHOOPIN THEY WERE FORCED TO ENDURE SHORTLY THERE AFTERWARDZ!!!
!!!EXACT SAME MISTAKE!!!
ALL THE WHILE UTTERLY CONVINCED THIS WILL BE THE TIME YOU DON’T FALL ON YOUR FACE LIKE THE JACKASS YOU ARE AND ALWAYS HAVE BEEN!
And the saddest, or from my perspective the FUNNIEST part about it all is that sometime will go by and then you poke your head out of whatever hole you’ve sunk it into and you waddle back and then simply rinse and repeat! You would think after almost two decades of being the living embodiment of jerking off without the happy ending would be enough for you to learn a lesson…But bruddah, look here doggie if time after time, match after match…YEAR AFTER PHUCKING YEAR you would think at some point it would phucking dawn on you that mayhapz some of these mishaps were of your own making. How can you be screwed over that much? I mean yeah your a phucking jackass and no one likes you, but like I told you eariler MORON…NO ONE
~!!!~ TaKeZ YoU SeRiOu$Ly ~!!!~
…LiKe AT ALL EVER!!!
Because your an idiot ontop of being the biggest choke artist in New Edge, and probably ART HISTORY!!! ANd still sitting here talking about it again I am gunna go ahead and ask it again, because Hunter I actually expect an answer here doggie…CAuse for realz I GOTZ TA KNOW
?HOW THE F’N FUCK?
IS THAT SHIT EVEN POSSIBLE???
Cause there are certain circles that view the behavior of repeatedly doing the same shit and expecting different results to be the pure definition of INSANITY! Which now that I say it outloud does actually make sense, but at the same time I gotta call BULLSHIT, because to claim insanity for the cause of your walking, ceaseless, INSUFFERABLE stupidity is nothing more than a cop out! More or less and excuse for your to be an IDIOT and the rest of us having to be ok with it because you can’t help it…But you can help it…And by the time we are done so help me GOD YOU WILL HELP IT…Or like anything else worth while you have ever accomplished in this business
!!!!!I’LL F’N DO IT FOR YOU!!!!!
…ALMOST FREE OF CHARGE TOO ASSHAT!!!
But the fact is Hunter, insanity or not everyone but you seems to be well aware of the truth. I mean take Vas for example…He came here and cut a half ass promo knowing that it would probably lead to defeat, but he still did what he did because of who you are. He has no respect for you and nor should he or anyone else…Because why? WHO IN THEIR RIGHT OR LEFT MINDS RESPECTS A GOT DAMN
?ABSOLUTE IDIOT?
OF THE MOST INSUFFERABLE VARIETY THAT THEY MAKE?
Cause again Hunter, how is it possible for you to convince yourself that you are even partially responsible for building New Edge Wrestling into the prominent empire it was and will once again be very soon? History is, was, and always will be written by who?...Not in your mind, in reality…K that should make it easier?...NO?...OK BAMP TIMES UP DIPSHIT…HISTORY IS WRITTEN BY THE VICTORIOUS, which automatically phucking
!!!RuLEZ YoU OUT BITCH!!!
…UNLESS I WAS THERE HOLDING YOUR HAND OF COURSE MARTY!!!
Cause my friend at this point it is simple arithmetic! Your loss column compared to your win column is like comparing Blair Buchanan’s body count to a 3rd graders! Which then obviously literally begs the phucking question of precsley asking what got damn
?BRIX oF NEW’s FoUnDaTiON?
DO YOU SERIOUSLY BELIEZVE YOURSELF RESPONSIBLE FOR LAYING???
…Seriously I would actually like an answer to this one as well please because I am phucking DYING TO HEAR THAT SHIT!!!! Almost as much as I can’t wait to hear your actual explanation for what I heard you say sometime before the last IGNITE…PLEASE…PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME I HEARD YOU CORRECTLY WHEN YOU CAME OUT HERE AND HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY
???YOU MADE ME???
UHHHH…NO F’N MAM!!!
I mean is it possible, are you actually getting stupider? I mean I know your memory is somewhat jaded, but I mean this isn’t even a matter of opinion anymore you phucking HALFWIT NUMSKULL! There is actual historic data that you easily have access to that don’t suggest they TELL YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE WHAT HAPPENED AND HOW IT HAPPENED..But ya know what this is fun for me, so yeah sure you made me right? That’s really what ur gunna go with?...OK LET’S PLAY! OK so while we were DoMe$TiK Di$TuRBaNCE you made not just me but our tag team the success that it was. I mean I know I’m supposed to be playing along, so please pardon me for saying this but
!!!!HA F-U-C-K-I-N-G- HA!!!!
…WHATEVER SeNiORiTa JaNeTTy!!!
K now that we have spent more than enough time in IDIOTVILLE let’s check those fact keepers known as the HISTORY BOOKS SHALLLLLL WE? Cause you know when having discussions such as these despite what you may believe FACTS ARE ACTUALLY IMPORTANT, K SWEETIE? Ohhh and you might wanna go ahead and mentally prepare yourself for what’s coming because well I said facts, but I meant the truth and well like I said already we allll know just how much
!!!!YOU F’N DESPISE THAT SHIT!!!!!
BuT LiKe EM oR NOT FACTZ ARE SIMPLY THAT AND THERE AINT NO OUTRUNNING THEM
DESPITE YOUR LANCE ARMSTRONG EFFORTZ TO DO SO ASSHOLE!!! K so right HISTORY..FACTS right back to the point! Guess we should start at the beginning of the only thing you have that would resemble what people might consider your GLoRy YeaRZ when
~$~ DoMe$TiK Di$TuRBaNCE ~$~
Was KNoCKiN DooRZ DoWN, TaKiN, DoIN, SaYiN WHATEVER WE WANTED WHEN WE WANTED!
ANd I’ll admit it just as much then as I do right here in this very moment. If it weren’t for DoMe$TIK DI$TuRBaNCE I may not have gone onto become the person I am, but for you to even insinuate that you were the sole driving force behind that is so irresponsible and flat out phucking stupid I’m afraid I must insist you stop here, pause the shit, take a deep breath…Feel good?...GO HEAD HAVE ANOTHER..THEN take your hand and as fast, hard, and precise as you can
!!!!SLAP YOURSELF!!!!
RIGHT IN YOUR STUPID PHUCKING FACE!
Because again you base that claim on what Hunter? What did you actually accomplish during our run in DoMe$TiK Di$TuRBANCE that makes you think you were in anyway my superior? Was it because we held the New Edge Wrestling Tag Tites, defeating Tat-N-FaT in order to do so?...Well incase you don’t recall ya PHUCK MOOK, I along with Ryan Pugh ORCHERSTRATED the entire phucking thing! He turned on INKT and opted to side with Myself, You, Jesse, and Roger and we then formed the original incarnation of The BuSiNESS! Ohh and mind you I have been too polite to point out that it was me who pinned INKT officially crowning DoMe$TiK Di$TuRBaNCE the New Edge Wrestling Tag Team CHAMPIONZ!...While also still being wayyyyy to
!!!!!F’N PoLITe TO PoINT OuT!!!!!
WHeN DoMe$TiK DI$TuRBaNCe ENDED AFTER I DRoPPeD YOU On YOUR HEaD, THE TAG TITLES CAME WITH THEIR ACTUAL OWNER,DIPSHIT!!!
Ohhh and well since we are on the subject of the “original” Bu$iNeSS I find it beyond humorous that one of your favorite topics as of late is to openly discuss the BuSiNeSS being an abject failure during it’s first run, which OK fair enough…I mean maybe I guess it all depends on perspective! ANd again in the interest of being fair one of the contributing factors to the Bu$iNeSS ending prematurely was due to most of NEW’s combined might forming up together, but if you ask every single member of the BuSiNESS…and anyone else with eyes and ears who called themselves a wrestling fan at the time will tell you without bating an eyelash or any other notion of hesitation that the MAIN REASON the BUSINESS FAILED all went onto the shoulders of one man, and one man only…and spoiler alert dickhead it aint Me, Ryan, Roger, or JeSSe…GuESS WHO THAT LEAVES ASSBAG???
???YoU KNoW WHo!!!!
THE ANSWER IS YOU…THE REASON THE BUSINESS FAILED WAS BECAUSE YOU ARE A GOT DAMN MORON!!!
Who knows he isn’t on the same level as the men he thinks his peers so you always have to try and go that extra mile to prove that you stand out in some way, but everytime you shoot that shot you not only miss but Stevie Wonder could hit the mark from behind his back before you got anywhere near the bullseye because here you are still throwing metaphorical darts at any and everything other than the metaphorical phucking DARTBOARD DICKHEAD!! The straw that broke the camels back so to speak was that one thing was clear and that my friend was that all of us…Jesse and MYSELF ESPECIALLY could no longer bare the burden of having to be a grown ass man’s babysitter because himz don’t know how to behave in public not to mention all of us had our fill of your particular brand of
!!!!InSuFFeRABLe STuPDiTy!!!!
We BeGaN To WoRRy SoMe oF IT MiGHT GeT On US, EwWwW
…And ya know what mother fucker? I’m like almost absolutely certain you were told this by every single one of us individually and collectively, same as they would if you asked em all right now…Don’t believe me, go ahead…BUt wait lemme guess we screwed you over right? You were so busy building NEW up by yourself the rest of us were jealous because we were just winning stupid WORLD TITLES, and you were failing what three shows in a row to take Cera’s what was the name of that title you couldn’t win again? Guess it don’t matter cause you couldn’t win the bitch anyway…But still we keep moving along because believe it or not moron YES
!!!!THERE’Z MoRE!!!!
SO SO MUCH MORE!!!
But please tell me you are at least starting to notice a pattern? Cause they say the only type of person who doesn’t recognize one is a
!!!!!F.O.O.L.!!!!!
AND YoU KNoW WHaT THey SaY ABoUT SHoEZ & THeM FiTTiN DoN’T Ya CiNDAReLLy???
K so now we are finally at what I consider my favorite part of this lil exercise. More questions I’m afraid because Hunter, if you are going to tell people you were the one who made me how can you expect them to believe you when the answer to the question of how many PPVs you MAIN EVENTED(by your lonely?)…or MORE IMPORTANTLY HOW MANY WORLD TITLE MATCHES did you manage to win, was
?F’N Z.E.R.O.?
…AND DON’T YOU DARE SIT THERE AND ACT LIKE THAT WAS DUE TO LACK OF OPPORTUNITIES!!
Cause as you obviously chose to utterly overlook and ignore was there was that one time…MeMBeR? There was that one opportunity at the NEW World Championship you had that time on Collision. AGAIN OBVIOUSLY YOU LEFT THAT NIGHT EMPTY PHUCKIN HANDED THE SAME WAY YOU CAME IN…Now the million dollar question bitch…Who was it that put you down that time? You remember who it was that stomped your ass that night? Come on dildo I’m laying it on pretty thick here only because I know how thickheaded you yourself are! But I refuse to believe you really don’t recall what was the first of
!!!!EVERY F’N TIME WE CLIMBED IN THE RING!!!!
AND I BEAT YOU LIKE YOU F’N STOLE SOMETHING!!!
Which now that I stop to consider shit I guess you did, and it happens to be the very thing you are stealing everytime you open your cock carwash! PRECIOUS, IRREPLACEABLE, NOW COMPLETELY PHUCKING WASTED MOMENTS OF OUR LIVES WE CAN’T GET BACK! ANd now what we are doomed to suffer your bullshit again because you failed to learn simple lessons about not only your own limitations and shortcomings, but also simple ins and outs of this business. For example how it works…See the MAIN EVENTS feature a wrestling promotion’s main attraction, who the fans show with their reaction who it is that entertains them the most, and well Ive main evented more NEW PPVS than I can count…And the ones you have were either MULTIMAN matches with way more important people in them or because it was during one of those periods where none of the important people were here to begin with! THAT NOT WITHSTANDING HUNTER VALENTYNE AND THIS QUESTION I ABSOLUTELY
!!!!DE-PHUCKING-MAND AND ANSWER 2!!!!
…YOU SPECIFICALLY TELL ME WHEN I EVER F’N RAN FROM YOUR BITCH ASS???
You think I’m afraid of you? Why would I possibly be afraid of you? Cause see and again maybe I’m weird but people that I have shitkicked numerous time don’t really put the fearof God in me, ya feel me moron? Cause again it’s not sometimes, it wasn’t once…I’ve WHOOPED YOUR DUMB ASS
!!!!E.V.E.R.Y. F’N T.I.M.E.!!!!
Ive Stood Across The RING FROM YOU, AND ALL OF THEM DEFINITIVE!!!
As in they weren’t even PHUCKING CLOSE, NOTA MOTHER FUGGIN ONE OF EM EITHER! And besides when have you ever seen me run from phucking anyone? Anyone who knows THe PaRaGoNa oF AMeRiKaNa KNOWS GOOD AND GOT DAMN WELL if you come round this way looking for a FIGHT, then more times often than not, not only am I more than happy to oblige them, but I also go above and beyond to ensure they also find HuMiLiaTiON, PAIN, and THeN oF COURSe my favorite
!!!!D.E.F.E.A.T.!!!!
WHICH AGAIN DUMB ASS IS A SUBJECT YOU CAN PERSONALLY ATTEST TO!!!
LA Johnny Stylez is, was, and will always be a go for the juglar type of FeLLa, and unlike you I under no circumstance TOLERATE FAILURE, because I’m aware of the simple fact that if you are resigned to wage war on the world then you had better know what hills to die on or more importantly which ones not to die on, but your dumb ass charges up hill almost going out of your way to make sure you have every disadvantage as possible and you get mowed down before you get a single meaningful shot off! Cause Hunter our words have to mean something if you truly hope to be or mean anything in this business and I hate to sound like a got damn broken record but I find myself FORCED TO ASK HOW THE PHUCKIN PHUCK IT IS EVEN POSSIBLE THAT YOU
?DON’T COMPREHEND THIS SHIT???
I MEAN WE CAN’T EVEN CALL YOU A SLOW LEARNER BECAUSE THAT WOULD IMPLY THAT YOU LEARNED THE SHIT AT SOME POINT!
Which is what ultimatley forced me to decide to cut this promo. My responsibilities as New Edge Wrestling Heavyweight CHAMPION…of THE WORLD HUNTER…THE WORLD MOTHER FUCKER, actually compell me to do what I’m about to! Because when you take my well known allergy to gross incompetence, and then add that in with your incessant need to say things out loud, then throw in the fact that winning wrestling matches aint really your jam either and hopefully you can see how you are becoming a phucking LIABILITY…Which makes you a detriment to New Edge Wrestling, which means you ASSWIPE are
!!!!BaD 4 BuSiNe$$!!!!
Cause What I ACTUALLY MeaNT WHeN I SaId YoU ARE a LiABiLiTy WaS THaT YoU ARE A HUMILIATION!
You have pretty much no one but yourself to blame for that shit either, because your failure to grasp simple concepts about this business, or why actions speak louder than words…Why winning matters, because Hunter if the things you say aren’t backed up by anything substantial then why should people listen to your dumb ass in the phucking first place amigo?...I MEAN THAT SHIT THERE IS FOR FREE ON THE STRENGTH OF THE FACT THAT IT’S
~$~ CoMMoN F’N SeNSE DAWG ~$~
BuT AT THiS PoINT YoU ARE 3MB, DeViN STONE, JOHN LAURINITAS PEOPLE POWER BAD!!!
I mean brother you are beyond the term SHIT SHOW…Cause I sincerely doubt you versus Devin Stone at the IOWA STATE FAIR would draw anything other than flies and cockroaches especially when they could gladly spend their six bucks on a much more satisfying corn dog or something ya fuggin TWAT!!! K so to point an exclamation point on all of this, I have one last question for ya HOTSHOT…
?HoWZ THiS FoR RUNNIN PHUCKSOCK?
TeLL Me WHeN TeLL Me WHERE…AND BET YOUR SIMPLE STUPID SORRY ASS I’M PHUCKING THERE!!!
But wait, first I am going to need what we refer to in the BIZ as a
?GooD Rea$oN?
CaUse AS WE Ju$T FiNiSHED GoING OVER I HAVE STOMPED YOU EVERYTIME I’VE FOUGHT YOU!
You have one win to your name since NEW has reopened, and it was against someone that was here for a one off that he had to fill on a different show he was even booked on because once again you’d rather be a jerk off than make money or actually do something that might help people take notice. But nope you’ve done nothing but prove that even if you were once upon a time in the same league as me Marty, them days is well in the rearview…Look bruh if you’re still not SoaKiNG any of this in…Lemme put it to you this way…If the Dallas Cowboy fan base was a person…
!!~!! IT’D BE YOUR DUMB ASS !!~!!
YA KNOW STILL INSIST THEY ARE GREAT EVENTHOUGH THE LAST TIME THEY ACTUALLY WERE PPL WERE USING BEEPERZ AND SHIT!!!
So if you can give me ONE…all I’m asking for IS ONE actual LEGIT REASON why I should waste the few minutes of my life it would take for me to climb in the ring and stomp your face into MUSH, then I’ll grant you your request free of charge! Because remember phuckrag it was you out here at least twice harping on people getting things they don’t deserve, and well what the phuck does someone who has done nothing but fail deserve aside from the privilege of jerking my curtains open for me on a nightly basis? Your rightful place at Tension in Texas…Hunter
!!!!!LOL!!!!!
BRUH NEVERMIND THE FINAL THREE BITCH YOU AMONG THE FIRST OUT THAT BITCH!!!
You didn’t even almost win, so rightful place at Tension in Texas? BITCH PLEASE! Hide behind your lawyers skirt while you can…But no one makes demands of THE BUSINESS especially moronz like you! SO here is what we are gunna do, since you in all likelihood won’t come up with a good reason why I should climb in the ring with you, mainly due to the fact that you CAN’T, I suggest we come to an understanding or accord of our own? And look I know you want to get in the ring with ISER so he can make a fool out of you…and yeah you are right if you were to climb in the ring at Tension in Texas and leave the BATTLEBORN Champion that would indeed fact very much interest me, but see the problem there is you are facing and almost friend of mine. Her name is Prescilla White, and she is a lil on the green side, but is still more than capable of handing you your ass like she PHUCKING
!!!!BoRRoWED IT!!!!
YA KNOW SO SHE COULD PRACTICE KICKING IT AT HOME…AND WELL PRACTICE MAKES WHAT ASSHAT???
But right here right now I will offer you a chance to skip all that and get what it is you say you really want. I will grant you chance to not only deal me what I can tell you without hesitation or reservation would be the most humiliating loss of my career, but also you could be the one to take from me that which I love the most in this world. I heard you flapping your gums talking about not wanting to be the World Champion and if that is how you really feel Hunter then you don’t phucking belong here to begin with. BEcause despite your worthless point of view being the WORLD CHAMPION MEANS EVERYTHING and if you aren’t with that then you are on the wrong ship, and then I have yet one more reason to want to go out of my way to
!!!!DeMoTe YOUR DUMB ASS TO FAN!!!!
WHICH WOULD BE GETTING OFF EASY FOR YOU!!!
So Hunter please for once in your life stop being an utter MORON and listen to what the phuck I’m tellin ya! I will not only grant you an opportunity to face me for the NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE, but I will also allow you to dictate every aspect of it…When, where, stipulations, ref, time keeper…ALL OF IT! And all it is going to cost you my former friend is your God GIVEN and AMERICAN RIGHT to freedom of speech…ANd a bit more because see if you agree to this deal…WHen you sign your name on the dotted line it will clearly and legally state that the moment Tom Davis informs you again that the winner and still NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION is oF COURSE LA JOHNNY STYLEZ then you for a period of 7 months will IMMEDIATLEY report to the BUSINESS LOCKER ROOM where you will begin your new duties as our BUTLER, but don’t worry because that will just be your occupation when IGNITE isn’t on LIVE. Control over every aspect of your career will BELONG TO
!!!!!ME!!!!!!
WHICH MEANS YOU CAN’T DO OR SAY ANYTHING UNLESS I OR JESSE SIGN OFF ON IT FIRST!
The only thing I want is an end to your insufferable stupidity! I want an end to all the nonsense, and well after we climb in the ring and I beat you down again then this time for the first time I can stand up and not be forced to listen to any of your idiotic nonsense and NEW doesn’t come off like a joke because we have you on the roster. ANd yes while you will wash our dishes, mow our lawns, fetch me MOUINTAN DEWS…Hopefully this go round you will actually LEARN SOMETHING, which I believe you will find to be much easier when you aren’t allowed to speak! SO there you have it BITCH…I’m not running I’m RIGHT PHUCKING HERE! You are free to carry on the course you are presently on but given your current pace if you even make it to me at all in my opinion would be a GOT DAMN MIRACLE!!! So I’m offering you a chance to avoid all that failure and we get right to it. BUt if you think for a moment that I would allow you to put me in a position where I have everything to lose and you have nothing save what remains of your dignity then you sir truly are one DUMB SON OF A BITCH! THis is a
!!!!GENTLEMEN’S AGREEMENT SIR!!!!
EVEN IF YOU ARE INVOLVED!!!
The facts are you don’t deserve to be in the ring with me, you don’t deserve an opportunity to be NEW World Heavyweight Champion…AND while we are on the subject MARTY you don’t even really deserve to even WATCH MY PHUCKING MATCHES ANYMORE! But in this world you have to pay to play! Put your money where your bitch ass mouth is and if you ARE REALLY
!!!!BoUT THAT SHIT!!!!
THEN PROVE IT!!!
…It’s a more than fair offer consdiering how little you bring to the table! But really it doesn’t matter because it won’t matter what road you decide to take Hunter the bad news you already know deep down is that they all lead down the same PHUCKING DEAD END! WHich means climb the ladder, or take me up on my offer makes no nevermind it all ends the same way..The same way it has since the first time I slammed my shovel into your stupid face just before I burned down your lil bitch ass cafe, the same way it has everytime we have gotten in the ring, or swapped verbal haymakerz…It all ends with you losing and me winning, the only thing you can realistically hope for mi amigo is that this time around you actually
!!!!SoaK!!!!
!!!!SoMe!!!!
!!!!!!UP!!!!!!
…SO IN OTHER WORDZ BITCH YOU BETTER SWITCH TO YOUR F’N INSIDE VOICE BEFORE I PUT YOU OUTSIDE!!!
…Guess I’ll be seeing ya, HAHAHAHAHA run from YOU…You’re a silly bitch you know that? K so guess we’re done here!
ANd with that The NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, arrognantly smirks and winks into the camera as he flicks what remains of his blunt into the camera stands up, grabs his NEW World Championship slings it over his shoulder walks towards the camera till he gets close to place the palm of his hand over the camera lens and he pie faces it attempting to send a nonverbal message to the idiot in question who just like the rest you watching this shit are struck with the familiar unwelcome notion that despite the fact that you can’t stand him still watching and listening to him as always
…HaS BeeN YoUR PLea$uRE!!!!
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??