Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2013 13:48:42 GMT -6
“56!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE?!?!?!?!?!?! 51.……….YOU’RE GOING IN AT MIKE LINEBACKER!!!!!!!!!!! PRICE………..GET OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Head Coach Butch Jones was livid on the sidelines at the Stokley Athletic Center’s practice facility! Somehow, Middle Linebacker Michael “Blitz” Price missed a key assignment in a 7 on 7 drill and left the Fullback wide open in the flat. As expected, the scout team quarterback checked down from his primary receiver and dumped off to the wide open Fullback for a huge gain. As he sprinted off the field toward his fuming head coach, Blitz knew what was coming: he’d most likely spend the rest of spring practice running stadium steps and fighting for a roster spot.
“This ain’t what I had in mind……” Blitz thought to himself as he confronted Coach Jones. “I was a 5 Star Blue Chip prospect at one point……….”
”Price, the call was 4-3 Base Cover 2 Man. Now, the two safeties are supposed to play a 2 Deep Zone while everyone else plays man. Against an I Formation, your man was the Fullback. Your one responsibility was to stick with number 32 like glue. If he trots off the field and runs up the tunnel, through the locker room, and all the way to the men’s room to take a shit, your job is to stick with him. Now tell me: WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY was he wide open?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”
“Coach, I read the I, read pass, and played the Fullback as a decoy. I checked off to a blitz.”
“And allowed 32 to get wide open in the flat for a thirty yard gain! No one else is there to pick him up, Price! Sam and Willie are on the Halfback and Tight End, the corners have the wideouts, and the safeties are in a deep zone. You took a gamble and came up short……………..
Start running!”
Blitz lucked out and only had to run laps around the track instead of stadium steps like he had anticipated, but the writing was on the wall: he was mentally falling apart.
A busy school schedule, spring practice, the search for his father, and now his tenure in the NEW were all running concurrent and it was taking a toll on him.
“How long can I possibly keep this up???” He thought to himself as he made his first lap around the track.
“I have exams on Friday, our first full contact practice on Saturday, and then a match with Scarlet on Sunday…………..and I’m no closer to finding dad then I was when he disappeared!”
Making his second pass, he sees out of the corner of his eye, both the Linebacker Coach and Defensive Coordinator giving number 51 an earful. Perhaps he will have a shot at a starting job after all……………….and possibly a scholarship judging by their body language……….
Just one of many worries off his mind………..
By the time he begins his third lap, he can see ole 51 sprinting out toward the track to join him…….
“56!!!!!!!!!! GET BACK ON THE FIELD!!!!! 51.……….KEEP RUNNING AND HOPE PRICE FOULS UP AGAIN!!!!”
The next series came and went without a hitch as Blitz was able to follow his assignments to the letter. Despite everything that was weighing down his thought process, he was able to just do what came natural to him. The end result was four deflected passes, an interception, seven tackles, and a forced fumble: not bad for an afternoon of spring practice…………
LATER THAT EVENING………….
Exhausted both physically and mentally, Blitz Price finally returned to his dorm room around 7:30 that night. He wasn’t the least bit surprised to find his nerdy roommate Sherman with his face buried into his laptop computer playing World of Warcraft. On any other night, he probably would have ragged him about getting a life and made some parental-type speech along the lines of “there’s a big world outside of this dorm room……” but tonight, he just didn’t feel like it. Instead, he slumped straight into a chair and started digging through a mountain of laundry for his night clothes.
“Are you feeling okay, Michael? I’ve usually heard at least three ‘Sherman the Virgin’ insults by now.”
“Not in the mood tonight, bro. Rough practice, rough day in class, just a rough day in general. I’m not even going out for supper tonight: I think I’m just going to call in a pizza and go to bed.”
“Michael, I think you’ve taken on quite a bit more than-----DAMMIT!!!!!!---------”
“What?”
“You just got me killed!”
“How? I’m just sitting here…..”
An agitated Sherman Edwards turned off his computer and elected to hear his roomie out. This type of thing has happened too many times already this semester: he knows he won’t be able to talk to Blitz and concentrate on his game at the same time.
“Nevermind. Listen, it’s obvious that you’ve overburdened yourself and the only way it’s going to get any better is to quit something.”
“Bro, first off, I’ve never quit anything in my entire life! Second, even if I WANTED TO, what COULD I quit? I’m not giving up school or I won’t be cleared by the NCAA to play football, I’m not quitting the team because football is my one true passion in this world. And of course, I can’t quit wrestling or I’ll never find out what happened to my father.”
“Speaking of wrestling……….you do know that you have a big match with Scarlet this week, don’t you? If you win this one, you are in the Terrordome!!”
“That’s what you said last week!”
“Well, I was wrong. Last week was just the first round of qualifying.”
“Dude, I’m counting on you here! You can’t be making mental mistakes like that!”
“ME making mental mistakes?!?!?! Do I have to remind you that I have an IQ of 216?”
“And?”
“And if you listen to me, I can help you accomplish whatever goals you have set for the NEW. What are your goals?”
“To find my father and to ruin Pugh and Styles’ lives the same way they ruined mine. Yeah, you could say my goal is simply revenge!”
“Well it looks like you might just get your chance! How big of a beating do you think Jesse is going to let his own wife take in the ring with you? I believe you’ll be able to get a few answers out of him this time around.”
“I sure hope you’re right. Say, do you happen to have a scouting report on Scarlet for me?”
“I have what little information is out there, Michael. She is one of the few who do not have a bio page on the NEW’s website. What I can tell you is that she is the wife of NEW Owner Jesse Styles, a Hall of Famer, a mother, and possibly the greatest Trans Atlantic Champion that ever walked through the NEW’s door.”
“I knew all of that stuff! That’s just common knowledge. Do you have anything useful, like a strategy?”
“Yes…………….ummmm……..watch out for the SKO.”
“Smelly Koochie Odor?”
“That too, I’ve heard vaginas can stink when the woman is sweaty. Therefore, you shouldn’t let her put you in a head scissors. But back on topic, The SKO is her finisher that she can hit from seemingly anywhere. Stay alert and stay alive, Michael.”
“Is that really all you have? The 20 year old virgin that can hack the FBI database faster than I can update a Facebook status can’t get a GooD scouting report on an NEW Hall of Famer?”
“I do have SOMETHING that might be able to help…………”
To Blitz’s surprise, he saw Sherman walk over to the tv and fire up his Xbox 360.
“I have downloaded the beta preproduction demo of NEW Ignite ‘14 off of Xbox Live and Scarlet is one of the playable characters. Why don’t you sit here and play this for a little while until you think you have her moveset figured out?”
“Shhh………..ummm……….alright, I’ll give it a try.”
“Great………..you do that and I’ll call Pizza Hut. The usual?”
“Yeah, a large Meat Lover’s, an order of cheese sticks, a two liter of Mountain Dew, and whatever you want….”
While Sherman was on the phone ordering pizza, Blitz pulled his chair up to the television and hit the START button on the demo. It was obvious that Sherman wasn’t kidding when he said the new NEW game was still in beta, as this game had more bugs in it than Ari Spears’ crotch. The graphics weren’t much better: about as ugly as the offspring of Ryan Pugh and Adrien Specter would probably be. Nevertheless, Blitz pressed onward to the character select screen.
“Ummmm………..why am I not in this?”
“26.95. Thank you, goodbye. What? What’d you say???”
“Why am I not in this game? I’m in the NEW, right?”
“Michael, you’ve been part of the active roster for two whole weeks now: I highly doubt that you’ve been drawn by the programmer yet. I’m sure you’ll be available as DLC after the official release.”
“Which is when?”
“Late November, tentatively. They’ve got a few bugs to work out before they can move forward.”
“I’ll say!!! Listen to Tom Davis!!! He sounds like Humpty Dumpty on Crystal Meth!”
“So, who’d you select?”
“I used this crash test dummy-looking thing that is supposed to be Matt Slater. Maybe he’ll………..NEVERMIND…..”
When ‘Matt Slater’ appeared on the top of the entrance ramp, his character model was nothing more than a solid white stick figure.
“What’s with this game?
“I told you: it’s a preproduction BETA version. Character models, voiceover, and most of the features aren’t available yet.”
“and it was already on Xbox Live? Shouldn't they at least have made it........ummm, playable first?”
“Well……………okay,you've got me! I didn't exactly get it off XBox Live….”
“Let me guess:you hacked the software company’s computers and stole it, right?”
“May……….be……”
“Oh and here comes Scarlet……..or should I say…..Barbara Bush?”
“Whoa! The former First Lady is apparently a hidden character in this game.”
“Look, I don’t have time for this. I’m going to jump in the shower. Why don’t you take Stick boy and beat the hell outta the old lady and let me know how you did it in the morning?I mean, GoD damn!!! Scarlet looks like the lovechild of Fat Bastard and The Man Beast Rhyno!!!!”
With that, Blitz tossed the wireless controller across the room to Sherman and headed into the bathroom……….
"Michael is right.........this demo is horrible. Scarlet DOES look alot like Fat Bastard AND Barbara Bush!
What were these programmers smoking? And why is she only punching and kicking?? Did they not even program her an AI moveset or is this her actual repetoire?
NEVERMIND!!"
With that, Scarlet did what she does best and hit Matt Slater with an SKO.......which caused the game to crash.
Frustrated, Sherman turned the console off and sat staring at the door: waiting for the pizza delivery guy to come knocking.
WILL SHERMAN FIGURE OUT A STRATEGY FOR SCARLET?
WILL BLITZ EVER GET HIS LIFE IN ORDER??
WILL THE PIZZA GUY SHOW UP ALREADY??
Find out the answers to all of these questions and more…………….NEXT WEEK!!!!
Until that day, until all are one.
Head Coach Butch Jones was livid on the sidelines at the Stokley Athletic Center’s practice facility! Somehow, Middle Linebacker Michael “Blitz” Price missed a key assignment in a 7 on 7 drill and left the Fullback wide open in the flat. As expected, the scout team quarterback checked down from his primary receiver and dumped off to the wide open Fullback for a huge gain. As he sprinted off the field toward his fuming head coach, Blitz knew what was coming: he’d most likely spend the rest of spring practice running stadium steps and fighting for a roster spot.
“This ain’t what I had in mind……” Blitz thought to himself as he confronted Coach Jones. “I was a 5 Star Blue Chip prospect at one point……….”
”Price, the call was 4-3 Base Cover 2 Man. Now, the two safeties are supposed to play a 2 Deep Zone while everyone else plays man. Against an I Formation, your man was the Fullback. Your one responsibility was to stick with number 32 like glue. If he trots off the field and runs up the tunnel, through the locker room, and all the way to the men’s room to take a shit, your job is to stick with him. Now tell me: WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY was he wide open?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”
“Coach, I read the I, read pass, and played the Fullback as a decoy. I checked off to a blitz.”
“And allowed 32 to get wide open in the flat for a thirty yard gain! No one else is there to pick him up, Price! Sam and Willie are on the Halfback and Tight End, the corners have the wideouts, and the safeties are in a deep zone. You took a gamble and came up short……………..
Start running!”
Blitz lucked out and only had to run laps around the track instead of stadium steps like he had anticipated, but the writing was on the wall: he was mentally falling apart.
A busy school schedule, spring practice, the search for his father, and now his tenure in the NEW were all running concurrent and it was taking a toll on him.
“How long can I possibly keep this up???” He thought to himself as he made his first lap around the track.
“I have exams on Friday, our first full contact practice on Saturday, and then a match with Scarlet on Sunday…………..and I’m no closer to finding dad then I was when he disappeared!”
Making his second pass, he sees out of the corner of his eye, both the Linebacker Coach and Defensive Coordinator giving number 51 an earful. Perhaps he will have a shot at a starting job after all……………….and possibly a scholarship judging by their body language……….
Just one of many worries off his mind………..
By the time he begins his third lap, he can see ole 51 sprinting out toward the track to join him…….
“56!!!!!!!!!! GET BACK ON THE FIELD!!!!! 51.……….KEEP RUNNING AND HOPE PRICE FOULS UP AGAIN!!!!”
The next series came and went without a hitch as Blitz was able to follow his assignments to the letter. Despite everything that was weighing down his thought process, he was able to just do what came natural to him. The end result was four deflected passes, an interception, seven tackles, and a forced fumble: not bad for an afternoon of spring practice…………
LATER THAT EVENING………….
Exhausted both physically and mentally, Blitz Price finally returned to his dorm room around 7:30 that night. He wasn’t the least bit surprised to find his nerdy roommate Sherman with his face buried into his laptop computer playing World of Warcraft. On any other night, he probably would have ragged him about getting a life and made some parental-type speech along the lines of “there’s a big world outside of this dorm room……” but tonight, he just didn’t feel like it. Instead, he slumped straight into a chair and started digging through a mountain of laundry for his night clothes.
“Are you feeling okay, Michael? I’ve usually heard at least three ‘Sherman the Virgin’ insults by now.”
“Not in the mood tonight, bro. Rough practice, rough day in class, just a rough day in general. I’m not even going out for supper tonight: I think I’m just going to call in a pizza and go to bed.”
“Michael, I think you’ve taken on quite a bit more than-----DAMMIT!!!!!!---------”
“What?”
“You just got me killed!”
“How? I’m just sitting here…..”
An agitated Sherman Edwards turned off his computer and elected to hear his roomie out. This type of thing has happened too many times already this semester: he knows he won’t be able to talk to Blitz and concentrate on his game at the same time.
“Nevermind. Listen, it’s obvious that you’ve overburdened yourself and the only way it’s going to get any better is to quit something.”
“Bro, first off, I’ve never quit anything in my entire life! Second, even if I WANTED TO, what COULD I quit? I’m not giving up school or I won’t be cleared by the NCAA to play football, I’m not quitting the team because football is my one true passion in this world. And of course, I can’t quit wrestling or I’ll never find out what happened to my father.”
“Speaking of wrestling……….you do know that you have a big match with Scarlet this week, don’t you? If you win this one, you are in the Terrordome!!”
“That’s what you said last week!”
“Well, I was wrong. Last week was just the first round of qualifying.”
“Dude, I’m counting on you here! You can’t be making mental mistakes like that!”
“ME making mental mistakes?!?!?! Do I have to remind you that I have an IQ of 216?”
“And?”
“And if you listen to me, I can help you accomplish whatever goals you have set for the NEW. What are your goals?”
“To find my father and to ruin Pugh and Styles’ lives the same way they ruined mine. Yeah, you could say my goal is simply revenge!”
“Well it looks like you might just get your chance! How big of a beating do you think Jesse is going to let his own wife take in the ring with you? I believe you’ll be able to get a few answers out of him this time around.”
“I sure hope you’re right. Say, do you happen to have a scouting report on Scarlet for me?”
“I have what little information is out there, Michael. She is one of the few who do not have a bio page on the NEW’s website. What I can tell you is that she is the wife of NEW Owner Jesse Styles, a Hall of Famer, a mother, and possibly the greatest Trans Atlantic Champion that ever walked through the NEW’s door.”
“I knew all of that stuff! That’s just common knowledge. Do you have anything useful, like a strategy?”
“Yes…………….ummmm……..watch out for the SKO.”
“Smelly Koochie Odor?”
“That too, I’ve heard vaginas can stink when the woman is sweaty. Therefore, you shouldn’t let her put you in a head scissors. But back on topic, The SKO is her finisher that she can hit from seemingly anywhere. Stay alert and stay alive, Michael.”
“Is that really all you have? The 20 year old virgin that can hack the FBI database faster than I can update a Facebook status can’t get a GooD scouting report on an NEW Hall of Famer?”
“I do have SOMETHING that might be able to help…………”
To Blitz’s surprise, he saw Sherman walk over to the tv and fire up his Xbox 360.
“I have downloaded the beta preproduction demo of NEW Ignite ‘14 off of Xbox Live and Scarlet is one of the playable characters. Why don’t you sit here and play this for a little while until you think you have her moveset figured out?”
“Shhh………..ummm……….alright, I’ll give it a try.”
“Great………..you do that and I’ll call Pizza Hut. The usual?”
“Yeah, a large Meat Lover’s, an order of cheese sticks, a two liter of Mountain Dew, and whatever you want….”
While Sherman was on the phone ordering pizza, Blitz pulled his chair up to the television and hit the START button on the demo. It was obvious that Sherman wasn’t kidding when he said the new NEW game was still in beta, as this game had more bugs in it than Ari Spears’ crotch. The graphics weren’t much better: about as ugly as the offspring of Ryan Pugh and Adrien Specter would probably be. Nevertheless, Blitz pressed onward to the character select screen.
“Ummmm………..why am I not in this?”
“26.95. Thank you, goodbye. What? What’d you say???”
“Why am I not in this game? I’m in the NEW, right?”
“Michael, you’ve been part of the active roster for two whole weeks now: I highly doubt that you’ve been drawn by the programmer yet. I’m sure you’ll be available as DLC after the official release.”
“Which is when?”
“Late November, tentatively. They’ve got a few bugs to work out before they can move forward.”
“I’ll say!!! Listen to Tom Davis!!! He sounds like Humpty Dumpty on Crystal Meth!”
“So, who’d you select?”
“I used this crash test dummy-looking thing that is supposed to be Matt Slater. Maybe he’ll………..NEVERMIND…..”
When ‘Matt Slater’ appeared on the top of the entrance ramp, his character model was nothing more than a solid white stick figure.
“What’s with this game?
“I told you: it’s a preproduction BETA version. Character models, voiceover, and most of the features aren’t available yet.”
“and it was already on Xbox Live? Shouldn't they at least have made it........ummm, playable first?”
“Well……………okay,you've got me! I didn't exactly get it off XBox Live….”
“Let me guess:you hacked the software company’s computers and stole it, right?”
“May……….be……”
“Oh and here comes Scarlet……..or should I say…..Barbara Bush?”
“Whoa! The former First Lady is apparently a hidden character in this game.”
“Look, I don’t have time for this. I’m going to jump in the shower. Why don’t you take Stick boy and beat the hell outta the old lady and let me know how you did it in the morning?I mean, GoD damn!!! Scarlet looks like the lovechild of Fat Bastard and The Man Beast Rhyno!!!!”
With that, Blitz tossed the wireless controller across the room to Sherman and headed into the bathroom……….
"Michael is right.........this demo is horrible. Scarlet DOES look alot like Fat Bastard AND Barbara Bush!
What were these programmers smoking? And why is she only punching and kicking?? Did they not even program her an AI moveset or is this her actual repetoire?
NEVERMIND!!"
With that, Scarlet did what she does best and hit Matt Slater with an SKO.......which caused the game to crash.
Frustrated, Sherman turned the console off and sat staring at the door: waiting for the pizza delivery guy to come knocking.
WILL SHERMAN FIGURE OUT A STRATEGY FOR SCARLET?
WILL BLITZ EVER GET HIS LIFE IN ORDER??
WILL THE PIZZA GUY SHOW UP ALREADY??
Find out the answers to all of these questions and more…………….NEXT WEEK!!!!
Until that day, until all are one.