Yo....AM I TaLKiN 2 My$elf Or WHaT???
Feb 27, 2024 16:28:24 GMT -6
Blair Buchannan-Vanderbilt likes this
Post by lajohnnystylez419 on Feb 27, 2024 16:28:24 GMT -6
Look, before we get underway here, sorry yall but there is just some shit we seriously need to discuss. It’s one of if not the most important reason we are here! So we will start with a very simple question! So simple that even the number one contender Valora Salinas might be able to answer it. The operative word being
!!!!MiGHT!!!!
But DoNT FeeL BaD YeT VAL YOU AINT THE ONLY ONE MAMiCiTa!!!!
So the question is boys and girls do any of you have even the faintest idea of why in just a few short days there will even be
???TeN$ioN~n~TeXaS???
In THe F’N FiRST PLaCe???
I’ll be the first one to phucking tell ya Tension in Texas aint exactly my favorite New Edge PPV! Probably cause the one and only memory I have of one is the time Al Envy pulled off the impossible and unassed me for the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship. The very same one I presently have in my possession as we phucking speak! But as painful as that memory might be, there is simply no denying the sheer magnitude and significance of that match. The fact that it was left off of any Tension in Texas countdown is a flat out
!!!!F’N JoKe!!!!
NoT TeRRiBLy DiSSiMiLAR FRoM VaLoRa’S CHaNCeS oF WaLKIN OuT of TeXaS w/ MY F’N BELT!!!
But as usual I digress! See that match against Envy was so special because it was the culmination of a bitter rivalry that had actually started the night I won my first NEW World Heavyweight Championship! Unbeknownst to me Jesse had made a move that would help shape NEW into the premiere wrestling empire on the planet as he signed AL Envy away from TEW because he didn’t have very many if any people on the NEW roster that could even hope to to actually stand a chance against me! Kinda like
!!!!HoW SHiT iZ 2Day!!!!
…OnLy THeRe WeRe MoRe THEN!!!!
But suffice to say that was the beginning of the New Edge Wrestling revolution that swept over pro wrestling like the cure it was desperate for at the time! We were the biggest and we were the absolute best and we went to phucking war for the right to call ourselves
!!!!WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!!
…OF NEW EDGE WRESTLING!!!
And when every competitor steps into that ring for that prize brings everything they had and left it all out there in the ring is also precisely how and why the NEW Championship became THE GUIDING LIGHT OF PRO WRESTLING! Because at any given time during that span any and everyone (CePT MoLLy F’N MayHeM) had the right to refer to themselves as the BEST WRESTLER ON THE PHUCKING PLANET! And duh most of the time that was
!!!!ME!!!!
…AnD STiLL IZ ACTUaLLy!
..Only pretty much everything has changed, and not for the better particularly! But I am right here and right now taking responsibility for some of that, because as CHAMPION how well New Edge does, is, was, and always will be on my shoulders. But as I look around and as I have told you all literally millions of times since we’ve been back…Our game is phucking DYING! The weak were somewhere along the way granted a seat at our phucking table, we turned around to go get another metaphorical drink from the bar came back and these DILDOS ARE SOME HOW
?RuNNiNG SHIT?
…YoU TuRN YoUR F’N BACK FOR 15 GoT DaMn SeCoNDZ, and It’s Like PRO WRESTLING IS NOW RUN BY BUZZ LIGHTYEAR AND CHARZARD!!!
New Edge Wrestling as I stated the day it was revived is still very much so the only REAL and TRUE
!!!!!GuIDiNG LiGHT!!!!!!
IN ALL OF PRO WRESTLING!!!1
It is the one and only wrestling promotion that still allows its talent the freedom to be who and what they truly are. No limitations or shackles that the modern day wrestling promotion forces onto its competitors which means THE BEST HERE is the actual BEST No handicaps no bullshit! Which is exactly why I think about my first title defense against Valora Salinas and I can’t help but observe that while this is BY NO STRETCH OF ANY IMAGINATION what I or anyone else would refer to as
~$~ My BiGGe$T MATCH ~$~
…BuT As FaR aS I’M CoNCeRNeD It IS MY Mo$T IMPORTANT!!!
Because there is nothing…Let me say that one mo GIN
!!!!N.O.T.H.I.N.G.!!!!!
MoRE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN MY…MY….MY FUCKING NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE!!!
No one, not one person on the roster…Which means if you are in the NEW locker room and are sitting around listening to this then yes bitch I’m TALKING ABOUT YOU! None of the members of the roster are a fraction of the star I am, well maybe Blair…But yall know BeeBz, I love her to death but you can’t count on her, and you really shouldn’t even if you could!...Just ya know don’t tell Valora that shit! But fact is this match is of grave importance to me because while I am still the same brash, arrogant, drug using, alochol abusing, say what I want, do what I want, take what I want slap your muddah, MuDDaH PHUCKER I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN! Like all things on this planet I have also changed. I realize things now I should have a long time ago. An appreciation for things i used to have no respect for, as well as perhaps an understanding of who and what I am. And as you all know what I am right now is the same thing I will be Tuesday Morning…
~!$!~ THE NEW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD ~!$!~
…Putting a SuDDeN AnD ABRuPT EnD TO AnY TeNSiON THaT WaS EVeR IN TeXaS!!!
SO Valora I know you are sitting around only paying attention to select parts of this, so know you will have an entire section of this production dedicated to you and every single drop of your stupidity, and considering you’d need an olympic swimming pool to contain all those dumb ass dew drops just know that the part where I drown your silly ass in it is going to happen a little bit later, because first there is something I need to share with yall!
Aight yall, so like hear me out K? Over the years I have allowed you all to join me on some of my wildest adventures and I can narrate here in absolute honesty when I say practically every fuggin one of them were very heavily
~$~ DRuG EnDuCeD ~$~
I MEAN I F’N SWITCHED BODIES WITH RYAN PUGH…EwWwWwW
…Sometimes if I go to sleep, I wake up in the middle of the night and I can still taste those nasty ass Burger King double cheeseburgers…PHUCKIN TUBBY BITCH! Ohh CoNTeXT my bad! For those of you that don’t know ToNz oF FuN, imagine Zach Galifinikas if he did steroids for like four cycles and stopped half way through the third! ANd then BAM you got that tubby MUDDAH PHUCKER! But we didn’t come here today to talk about that DiLDo!
No something phucking weird as phuck happened to me, and I for some reason unknown to me even still I am compelled to share it with you privacy ViKiNGZ! K so here’z how it went down! Cause for real this is without question the CRAZIEST SHIT that has ever happened to me. Like there is no way it’s possible that this was REAL LIFE…But I say that and it was kinda one of the realest experiences of my entire life. Think what you want to about what you are going to see, because at the end of the day I would like you to remember one thing and one thing only. What was said and done after this here doesn’t change the simple fact that if you are
!!!!!F’N STuPiD ENoUGH!!!!!
TO F’N CRoSS ME, I’LL STiLL GLaDy BURN YOUR ENTIRE WORLD TO THE GROUND WITHOUT BATTING AN EYELASH!!!
I’m not just the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion, I am hands down the absolute
~!$!~ F’N B.E.S.T. ~!$!~
TO EVER PLAY THIS GAME…EVER!!!
And really, that is actually what all of this is about…But you’ll see…ShHhHH please shut your knob polisher cause you don’t wanna miss this here!
Tom Davis: AND HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS ROGER WRIGHT AND VALORA SALINAS!!!!
Then the most deafening boos I’ve heard in quite some time and for me that is absolutely saying something. My eyes were closed, I recollect that much, I don’t know if I was just caught off guard or my body reacted to one of the things that turns my got damn guts more than anything in the world and that is losing in my own got game backyard! SoMeONe HaS a VeRy BiG ReCiPT in HeR NeaR AnD CLeaR FuTuRe, but before we get there apparently I had a pit stop or two still to make on destiny’s path that leads to Tension in Texas.
And that’s when the shit happened yall. I opened my eyes, and I gotta be real when I tell ya I was kind of relieved when my eyes open and I didn’t hear the sound of almost twenty thousand of my fellow cajuns and coonasses ready to jump the rail, do your boy a solid and break Valora’s neck on live television! That would have been forty five different kinds of epic, but still a very
!!!!FaR F’N CRy!!!!!
FROM THE 100 DiFF KiNDZ IT WiLL Be WHEN I F’N DO IT!!!!
But anyway so where was I?...OHH YEAH SILENCE, well I sat up and I was still very much in the Smoothie King center directly across the street from the Superdome in New Orleans Louisiana where IGNITE either just took place, or will, I had no phucking idea! All of the pageantry that goes into bringing IGNITE to life once a month was no where to be seen. Any and every sign of New Edge Wrestling’s presence was vacant from our very location, well unless of course you count me IT’s CHAMPION, and of course this ring I was lying in the middle of like I fuggin just woke up from a probably long nap! I musta been smashed, I also really really hope that this means I was taking a PHuCkIN NaP and me losing to Valora the show before we meet live on Pay Per View for MY RICHEST PRIZE IN THE GAME!
…UnFUCKiNGFoRTuNaTeLy YaLL…THAT WASN’T AND STILL ISN’T THE CASE!
!!!!P.H.U.C.K.!!!!
MAN I CAN’T F’N WAIT TO CAVE HER F’N FACE IN!!!
But apparently I would have to wait to do that too, because as I stand up and look around there aint nobody anywhere in this mother phucker like at all. And I mean I aint no bitch I aint scared of nothin but the good Lord, but low key standing in the NEW ring in this otherwise completely dark building was kinda giving me the creeps! So instead of waiting for Batroy to swoop in from the shadows and take his vengeance for the sake of justice I decided I needed to find my way out of this bitch…
!!!!LiKe PRoNTO!!!!
Cause Well I’m THE NEW CHAMPION, I HAVE WAY MORE IMPORTANT SHIT TO BE DOIN!!!
SO I hop out of the ring and reach for my phone, only to realize I was still in my ring gear and my phone was sitting in the got damn skybox! PHUCK!!! Well with no other options at my disposal I then decided to just try my best to make my way out and hopefully not fall and break my neck of whatever may be lying around out there. But I’ma tell ya this right now if this is Iser and Jesse’s idea of a RIB there will be
!!!!WAR!!!!
AND GooD OLe BaTRoy WoN’T BE THE ONLY ONE OUT FOR VENGEANCE THAT I’LL CALL JUSTICE!!!
SO I climb out of the ring and begin making my way through the darkness. My hands in front of me with every slow step, cause I really couldn’t afford to get hurt, not now not like this! Eventually I make my way towards a small light I see far off in the distance. Once I finally make my way to it, I find myself in this phuckin weirdo hall way that I have never seen inside the Smoothie King Center, and Ive been around that building a time or two I would remember a room with black and white walls. The front and back walls are black as the right and lefts are white. THere are two doors both with EXIT signs above them. And just like the walls the door on the left is white, and the door on the right is black. Black being my favorite color I reach for the knob, but the moment my fingers touch the cold brass door knob I literally almost shit meself as a voice breaks the scary silence and I nearly jump out of my got damn skin…
Voice: I don’t think you wanna go in there my dude!
I quickly shoot around and sitting there on a large black marble table with a large vanity mirror directly behind him, polishing off a pack of GUSHERS, is this weird looking mother phucker. I couldn’t tell you his name to save my life, but I know I’ve seen him before, I just don’t recall at the moment…And not a moment after that thought silently crosses my mind this dude half my size with a bald head and a purple t-shirt with a picture of a doctor performing surgery on a rocket and underneath read the words
“IT’S NoT RoCKeT SuRGeRy”
Speaks up and answers the question I silently asked myself not a moment ago.
Jason: What’s GooD THeRe Johnny BOY, lookin like you’re goin through it there doggie? Look I know you are confused about where you are and who I am, but don’t worry I’m finna clear all that shit up for ya! But before we jump into that shit, I need you to pay attention to me alright? Cause what I’m finna tell you is of the upmost importance! Like if you’ve ever heard anything anyone has ever said please make sure that you remember what the fuck I’m finna tell ya alright?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhhh, quick question?!...Am I dead? Please tell me I’m not dead because if I was murdered by Valora Salinas in the NEW ring in New Orleans Louisiana I don’t know how I’ll accomplish it but I will find a way to commit suicide!
Jason: Look man don’t worry about all that you aint dead I promise you! Far from it! But like maybe come over here and sit down for a tick because some of the shit I’m gunna tell you may be a bit…Complicated? No, well yeah but actually I’d say more so it’s gunna be hard to wrap your mind around. But I have faith in you so…
LA Johnny Stylez: OK, wait again and I’m so sorry for interrupting…
Jason: Nope…No you’re not!
LA Johnny Stylez: K yeah got me there! But I have another question before you keep talking and saying things that make zero sense to me! SO if I’m not dead….Are you like God or something, because this weird trippy ominous shit going on is giving me them kinda vibes?
Jason: God? WHO ME? HA! HARDLY MY MAN! At least I hope not! Well as far as you are concerned I guess that’s not the wildest way to put it, but no I’m not God. I kinda hate to tell you this, but it’s kinda a weeeee bit more CoMPLiCaTeD THaN THAT!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: HEY! YOU just did my thing?
Jason: Your thing?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah MoTHeR PHuCKeR My THiNG!! I mean people try and do it all the time but you’re like the only one who did it right?
Jason: Yeah well if you think that shit’s wild then…
LA Johnny Stylez: Look man, I didn’t catch your name but
Jason: It’s Jason!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah I’m sure it is…But incase you are some kinda space MoRoN, you can tell by this shiny belt around my waist that I’m kind of important which means I’ve got more important shit I need to get to getting to, ya dig? So tell ya what, I’ma go take care of all that, you stay right here, K? I’ll come back if I feel like it?
Johnny then turns back around and shakes his head placing his fingers around the knob but before he can turn the knob the man who identified himself as Jason says…
Jason: You don’t wanna go in there bruh I’m tellin you!
LA Johnny Stylez: Hey Mr. I’MNoTGOD, how do you know whats on the otherside of this door?
Jason: Well I mean I’ll tell ya but it’s not something I can do in a sentence! I’m afraid we have that in common!
LA Johnny Stylez: Wow, you must feel really special I mean having something in common with me, must be like amazing for you! But like I said since you aren’t God and can’t tell me who you are without making me listen to some LAME-O bed time story…I have deduced that this has to be some whack ass dream, I need to lay off the damn MOLLYWHOP! So if it’s alright with you I’d like to go through the door and wake up or at least get closer to whatever this is being over, so yeah SEE YA NEVER!!!
Jason: Suit yourself, just don’t say I didn’t warn ya because when you show back up in about fifteen minutes I am going to remind you that I did indeed fact warn you! Twice! But I mean while you are in there I know it is going to go against every fiber of your being, believe me I really
!!!!!F’N DO!!!!!
BuT JuST THiS OnCe MayBe FoCuS MoRe on LiSTeNiNG and MuCH LeSS ON TALKING!!! PRETTY PLEASE DICKHEAD??
There I even asked nicely!
LA Johnny Stylez: WAIT HOLD THE PHUCK ON…How can you do my other thing? YA know what the longer I stay the weirder this gets…I don’t wanna know none of this shit, I just wanna get the phuck outta here! But hey since you asked so nicely I probably will do exactly what you asked when I go in this room!
Jason: Nope…No you won’t!
LA Johnny Stylez: RiGHT AGAIN SIR! But hey cool tshirt bro!
Jason: Thanks! See ya in ab fifteen of em!
LA Johnny Stylez: Whatever you say SLICK! See YA NeVER!!!
Johnny then finally turns the knob and the door opens. A white light pours into the room as Johnny has to hold his hands up to shield his eyes from the light. HE then proceeds with caution as he walks into the room closing the door behind him. The camera lingers for a moment as Jason sits on the table, reaches in his pocket and pulls out a pack of Lucky Strikes, pops one in his mouth and lights it. HE takes a drag glaring at the door, he chuckles to himself as he then leans back against the mirror almost in a state of sheer serenity as he softly sasy to himself…
Jason: Man he really is the WORST!!! SO wait does that make me the wors…? No there is no way that’s possible! NeVeRMIND!!!
Scene then switches back to Johnny’s JoURNey. The door closes behind him and all of a sudden he finds himself back in the SKYBOX in the Smoothie King Center that The Members of The BuSiNESS used as a locker room while IGNITE was going on. Jesse is being checked by a medical professional. Jesse’s knuckles are bloody and bruised as the medical examiner is shining a light in his eyes checking to see if he sustained a concussion, but the doc gives him the OK.
Johnny’s eyes then dart around the room and he sees Seth Iser sitting on a large black leather couch with his feet up on the table enjoying a bottle of FIJI water. THe look on Johnny’s face clearly indicates that the knot in his stomach just untied and a feeling of calming comfort sweeps over him immediately, as that dream that was almost a nightmare is over and he is back here in reality.
…HoWEVeR those feelings of calm and serenity are quickly EVAPORATED as the moment Jesse’s eyes lock on Johnny, Jesse visibly and clearly agitated nearing pissed off barks at Johnny from across the room.
Jesse Styles: Ohh thank you for finally deciding to grace us with your presence CHAMP!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah don’t mention it BoSSMaN, I am after all a man of the people! Look it’s been a weird one so can we?
Jesse Styles: WHAT THE FUCK JOHNNY?
LA Johnny Stylez: Wait, say what now? What the fuck me?...NO SIR WHAT THE PHUCK YOU! The hells your got damn problem? Last I checked if anyone has any kind of right to be pissed it’s me! Cause I mean look I know wrestling has changed a lot since we left and came back, but I’m pretty sure the rules regarding tag matches require both participants to remain ringside until the match itself concludes! SO, if you would like to explain the phuck all that was about I’m all ears!
Jesse Styles: Alright WISE ASS! SO you wanna do this do ya?...OF COURSE YOU DO! FINE, despite the fact that not only did I do literally everything I could to put a BOW ON THT ONE FOR YOU IN YOUR HOMETOWN, but Roger left Valora hanging! He did us a favor without doing us a favor, and you still couldn’t get the job done! Johnny maybe you didn’t notice but I had to fend off not one but two extra assholes who really came down there to get a piece of YOU! SO if you wanna know where I was, ask yourself where is Jesse during moments like these? CLEANING UP YOUR GOT DAMN MESSES AS FUCKING USUAL! I thought we weren’t gunna make the same mistakes this time around Johnny?
LA Johnny Stylez: WOAH, HoL uP SWoLe UP!!!! ME? My MESS? Correct me if I’m wrong CUZ but I thought we was supposed to be in this shit together BRUH? They jump on you they jump on me ReMeMBeR? That is the deal we made is it not? Or did you just do that thing you’ve been known to do from time to time where you alter the terms of sed deal and just neglect to mention it? And hold on…ISER where in the phuck were you bruh? You see Jesse having to fight off two people…Even if one of them is Hunter Valentyne, having a little back up that we paid you quite handsomely to be would have been great!
Seth Iser: Well Johnny, I seem to recall you saying something to the effect of “YA KNoW WHaT ISeR, Me and JeSS GOT THIS SHIT HERE! You can kick back and watch the Styles Mafia…bla bla bla bla….More bla bla bla YOU CAN EVEN TAKE A NAP IF YOU WANT TO!” I may be paraphrasing a tad but I think that was the jist of it! So…You suggested I take a nap and that is precisely what I did, and if you doubt me there is of course video evidence of the whole ordeal! NOW please leave me out of whatever the hell this is, THANKS!
Jesse Styles: Yeah Johnny ISER has nothing to do with what happened out there! If you want someone to blame then take a sec and go into any of the three bathrooms in this got damn skybox and look into the mirror man! You said we weren’t gunna do this shit this time! That was YOUR PROMISE JOHNNY! Underestimating Valora this close to Tension in Texas? You know that woman has more fight in her than half of the entire roster!
LA Johnny Stylez: HEY PHUCK VALORA!!!
Jesse Styles: Yeah that’s the problem Johnny! That seems to be your fucking attitude with everything these days man! I don’t know what in the fuck is going on with you but you had better pull your head from your asshole and do it with a quickness or a wrestling match won’t be the only thing you lose come Tension in Texas!
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhhhh
???WHAT the ACTUAL P.H.U.C.K.
WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT? IT WAS ONE PHUCKIN MATCH!!!
Which is the first time I’ve lost since we’ve been back! I was practically the only undefeated person left on the roster!
Jesse Styles: Yeah and now it’s just Valora!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yes but I’m pretty sure I already said PHUCK VALORA! Like not even three minutes ago!
Jesse Styles: THAT is MY POINT RIGHT THERE DINGBAT!! It wasn’t just one match…I mean yeah as far as wins and losses go, but this is about way more than that man! And if you don’t fucking see that brother then as much as I hate to say this to you, but if you can’t see what’s actually going on here then maybe you need to take a look at the fact that your grasp on reality may be just as loose as Hunter’s
LA Johnny Stylez: UM EXcU$e YOU?...WHAT THE PHUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?
Jesse Styles: JOHNNY STOP! I’m not about to do this with you bruh! NOW your options are kinda thin so you can either sit here and get all in your feelings and then shoto your mouth off and in all probability make this way fucking worse than it is or has to be, or you can open your ears and listen to what the hell I’m trying to tell you, cause whether or not you are capable of seeing this for yourself right now I’m actually trying to FUCKING HELP YOU!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Jesse, DooD, at least start by telling me where in the phucking phuck all this nonsense is coming from?
Jesse Styles: NONSENSE?...NONSENSE!!!! You want nonsense OK…How about bailing on all your commitments and pretty much leaving me with my DICK IN MY HAND with the Kief show? Hmm? YOU ARE THE NEW CHAMPION JOHNNY! Not to mention you and Kief were supposed to be boys…But you show up late as fuck and blitzed outta your got damn mind! GUess what Johnny…THERE’S MORE! Like this stupid shit you got going on with Hunter! WHY? We are trying to take on the got damn world, and you wanna rattle that cage why? I mean yeah he shoots his mouth off, but you know he’s full of shit…EVERYONE from the front row to the nosebleed section, and sitting at home watching TV knows Hunter is completely full of shit! You know that better than all of them combined. Johnny again YOU ARE THE CHAMP…HE IS FUCKING BENEATH YOU! ANd that is completely neglecting the fact that there are probably a MILLION MORE IMPORTANT THINGS YOU NEED TO BE WORRYING ABOUT RIGHT NOW!
LA Johnny Stylez: Wel…
Jesse Styles: NO you wanted to know where this “NONSENSE” is coming from…Well sit down and stay a while cause I’m not done yet! Cause then there is the subject of that crap you fucking pulled on me three got damn days before IGNITE went live here in NEW ORLEANS!
LA Johnny Stylez: What? Forced you to attend a party with every PORNSTAR that’s worth jerking off to? I know I’m just the WORST!!!!
Jesse Styles: NO ASSHOLE! I mean yeah that was pretty cool, but I am talking about the fact that YOU FUCKING ROOFIED ME!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well see that’s not true…THEY weren’t even roofies, if they had been you would have had no fun, less eyebrows, and probably a dick drawn on your face. BUT YOU KNOW I wouldnt have done it cause I can’t draw for shit! But anyway yeah it was MOLLYWHOP, ya know that shit we been working on it’s a mix of…
Jesse Styles: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT IT WAS! The point is YOU FUCKING DRUGGED ME!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well to be fair I tried to microdose you…But you fucking drank ISER’s
Iser quickly shoots a look of disdain in Johnny’s direction that Johnny immediately notices and mouths the words “SoRRy DuDe” but the moment Iser’s attention goes elsewhere we see Johnny look at Jesse and shake his head and silently say…NO IM NOT!!!
Jesse Styles: For fucks sake JOHNNY I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT IT WAS CALLED! You fucking drugged me! What if I would have gotten arrested? Or OD’d? I am responsible for running a multi million dollar wrestling promotion, and all of my money is tied up in this. Not to mention the increasing number of people that depend on me for the livelihood! After running your own promotion you think you would have taken that into consideration, but as usual it’s Johnny doing whatever the hell Johnny wants cause CONSEQUENCE?
WHAT ARE THOSE? But Johnny I can’t and won’t continue cleaning up all your messes especially if you aren’t going to at leasdt attempt to keep the promises you made me! ANd all of this ontop of what you know I’m going through personally right now man! I mean I know you are an inconsiderate prick to them. But you don’t do that shit to me, I believe that was also part of our agreement you tried throwing in my face a minute ago!
Johnny takes the NEW CHAMPIONSHIP Belt and drapes it over the couch in front of him and then goes to speak but before a single word gets out he hears the voice of that assbag, whatever his name was that was told him to “DO LESS TALKING” and Johnny for reasons unknown to him closes his mouth as Jesse looks him dead in his eyes and says…
Jesse Styles: I mean Johnny I hear you…EVERYONE HEARS YOU walk around every and anywhere with the NEW Championship belt with you. It’s almost like it’s one of your body parts man, and I’m proud that you are so proud of it, but Johnny man if you are going to tell anyone who will listen and even more than a few who won’t that you are the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion then please for both of our sakes pull your shit together and START FUCKING ACTING LIKE IT MAN!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well GAWD DAMN CUZ that’s how you feelin?
Jesse Styles: NO JOHNNY THAT’S HOW IT IS! Listen to me man, I mean really listen to me. I chose to back you and would probably do it again because I know what you are capable of, and I know you are capable of keeping every promise you made me when we laid this whole plan out! But Johnny we really…REALLY NEED YOU TO MAN THE FUCK UP and start doing your got damn job!
LA Johnny Stylez: Aight then, I see how it is! FINE, so like are we done with whatever the phuck this is? Or do you wanna slap my other wrist too?
Jesse Styles: Johnny you are such a pain in the ass sometimes! Ya know what I’m not about to get into another screaming match that eventually becomes a pissing contest between the two of us that will sooner rather than later go to blows. SO why don’t you take a fucking walk, cool off and think about why you are here and what it is you really wanna accomplish because Johnny the way you are going about it you are fixing to flush it all down the fucking toilet!
LA Johnny Stylez: FINALLY something you said that we can agree on! I’m DEFINITELY THE PHUCK OUTTA HERE!
Johnny turns around and opens the door he came in and then powerfully slams it behind him. Jesse and Iser exchange irritated looks as Jesse runs his hands over his head and face as suddenly the door swings back open and Johnny comes in saying all kinda shit all of em curse words. He walks right back to where he was standing and grabs the…no HIS NEW Championship belt off the couch and then turns right back around and storms back out of the room SLAMMING the door behind him once again. There is an awkward silence for a moment as Jesse and Iser lock eyes again and Seth is trying his best to hold in the laughter. Jesse sees this as well and lets out a chuckle on accident, but quickly catches himself as he looks in Iser’s direction and simply says…
Jesse Styles: STOP!
The two then erupt in laughter as the camera immediately cuts back to Johnny’s JOURNEY! He was so pissed when he stormed out of the room it didn’t occur to him to not go back in the way he came. So the moment the door closes behind him and it finally does dawn on him that if he was looking for the EXIT he went the WRONG F’N WAY, it is too late. His grip on the doorknob is firm as it gets but the door is now locked! Johnny jerks and twists as much as he can, he backs up looking like he is ready to try and kick it down, when once again that voice…
Jason: Don’t do that! It won’t work! ANd before you think about ignoring me again, ask yourself how well that worked out for ya last time PHUCKSOCK!!!
Johnny’s head sinks. His eyes were closed but when they open he finds himself staring at the glimmering beautiful golden sight of the love of his LIFE the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship. His head then quickly shoots up and he storms over to the black marble table this Jason dickbag was sitting ontop of. Johnny glares at Jason who appears oblivious that the way he is sitting makes it impossible for Johnny to sit. SO Jason scootches and Johnny hops on the table. Jason reaches over and pulls up a box of GUSHERS and sits it inbetween them.
Johnny looks around trying to act like GUSHERS wouldn’t immediately improve these unfortunate circumstances he seems to be all caught up in presently. So he says phuck it and sends his hand diving into the box and removes three of it’s six bags. Jason laughs as he pulls out another couple of LUCKY STRIKES cigarettes. He hands one to Johnny who places it behind his ear as Jason lights it using Johnny’s 4:19 ZIPPO LIGHTER. Johnny notices this and is so shocked he almost chokes on the entire bag of gushers he shoved into his mouth. But once he is finally able to work past that situation he points and says..
LA Johnny Stylez: WHERE THE PHUCK DID YOU GET THAT! There is only ONE…and IT’s MINE! No half answers man, GIVE ITTO ME STRAIGHT! No riddles, games, or bullshit! I’m having what I hope is only a night but it sure as phuck is a rough one! And I have a big match I need to be preparing for so if you could just tell me what the phuck is going on I won’t be as compelled as I feel to pound you and steel the rest of your gushers, ya feel me?
Jason: OK fine, but brace yourself cause you probably aint gunna like it my boy!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well I don’t wanna say IT CANT BE ANY WORSE…but Ive been wrong once or twice before!
Jason: OK well then since we are doing this I suppose the first question you want answered is who I am, right?
LA Johnny Stylez: Thought we were gunna skip the theatrics?
Jason: Right!..K so…
Jason then leans over and begins whispering something into Johnny’s ear as we see Johnny’s face FUCKING DROP! It is a look if shock no one in the entire human race has ever seen before. As Jason’s words fall from his lips and into Johnny’s eardrum we see Johnny’s eyes widen and then close as we can see he is having trouble wrapping his head around the things he is presently being told. After a few moments Jason then leans over grabbing the zippo he placed at his side and unhooks the top of it and flicks it holding the flame for Johnny as he slumps and lets out a slight HA as he puts the cigarette in his mouth and leans forward allowing the flame to gently dance across the tip of his cigarette. HE takes one long drag exhaling the smoke as he rubs his hands over his face. Jason sits back watching his reaction, clearly loving every moment of it!
LA Johnny Stylez: DUDE NO WAY! So if you created me then how are you not GOD?
Jason: Because I created you and most of the shit you do, but as far as the other people in your world I have no control or say over until we beat them, and even then!
LA Johnny Stylez: I KNOW
!!!!RiGHT?
…BUT WE SURE DO BEAT THEM BITCHES UP DON’T WE???
So wait, if you are ME…Does that mean I’m you?
Jason: Um, kinda but not really
LA Johnny Stylez: OK pal, look you’ll have to forgive me but that shit you just told me is WILD! You got anyway you can prove any of this?
Jason: You mean aside from making sure you wake up in the middle of the NEW ring in a dark arena that lead you to this room where you literally just got back from walking through one of two doors I placed for you here?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uh yeah, I thought me asking for it implied that, but whatever!
Jason: OK let me ask you a question! Where are your midgets?
LA Johnny Stylez: Jacobi and Tibbz?
Jason: We both know you don’t have any other midgets, I thought me asking that implied that?
LA Johnny Stylez: WISE ASS! OK FINE…My two tiny killers are…Well see after…I think they’re…Ya know come to think of it, I have no PHUCKING CLUE WHERE THEY ARE! WHERE ARE MY PHUCKING MIDGETS BRO???
Jason: Relax, I haven’t worked it all out yet, but they are running BRAZZERS for you at the BRAZZERS studios in California!
LA Johnny Stylez: Um…
?4 ReaL DAWG?
THEY CAN’T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!
…Them two tiny turdz ran these streets with me for years and I never heard em say a word!
Jason: WOw you actually noticed that?
LA Johnny Stylez: PHUCK YOU!
Jason: Wow, I’m actually kinda surprised! But yeah I’m pretty sure that’s where they are. BUt look it doesn’t matter right now, keep that one in your back pocket for a rainy day or something, becaue well I know your second question at this point is why?...WHy now right? Why after all this time, why of all the instances where we could have had this little meeting do I chose here and now? And yes it is my fault you lost to Valora this time, but that is kinda why I’m here now to make sure it don’t happen to us twice in a row! Because Johnny this is important! Where you go and what you do from here is paramount to yours…or our redemption!
LA Johnny Stylez: Redemption? Who the phuck says we need redemption?
Jason: Um me and all the spoken and unspoken laws that govern your very existence! Why do you exist?
LA Johnny Stylez: To be THE BEST! Not just one of them either…I wanna be the unchecked and
!!!!UnF’N CHALLENGED!!!!
LiKe IT OR NOT UNDENIABLE BEST TO EVER DO THIS SHIT!!!
…And hey I gotta hand it to us…So FaR So F’N GooD RIGHT?
Jason: Yeah sure…But see you can’t know where you are going till you know where you been! ANd we did some things a while back that have blemished our otherwise flawless record in big time situations.
LA Johnny Stylez: Please tell me you’re not talking about the time I gave Envy the NEW Championship, cause I mean I didn’t really have a choice, I was PCW Champ too and they said I couldn’t keep both! BELIEVE ME I TRIED!!! And well Envy was cRu and better give it to him then one of those d-bagz against us that deserved it less than Hunter Valentyne does to breathe the rest of our air!...Wait, real quick, I’m guessing Hunter has one of you right?
Jason: As a matter of fact he does!
LA Johnny Stylez: Oh my GOD, really? That’s phucking
!!!!H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S.!!!!!
YOU DoNT EVeN GoTTa TeLL ME IF HE IS A SCHMUCK CaUse I MEAN DUHHHHHHH
How someone can be that stupid is
Johnny/Jason: BEYOND ME! HA! JyNX…WHAT NO PHUCK YOU!
LA Johnny Stylez: K what about Valora? Is she hot in your world?
Jason: Uhhh I dunno I’m not really into dudes!
LA Johnny Stylez: GET THE PHUCK OUTTA HERE BRO NO WAY!!! I mean I guess it makes sense…What a TWAT! OK what about Blair?
Jason: Look if you ask me all the ?’s what are we gunna have to talk about next time?
LA Johnny Stylez: There’z gunna be a next time?
Jason: Who knows…Look K enough dickin around! NO the time with Envy isn’t the one I’m talking about. You know exactly what I’m referring to. We touched on it already when we stomped Bia NoBoDy’z ass right out of NEW!
LA Johnny Stylez: MANNNNNNN, I don’t wanna talk about that shit no more! It’s in the past. XXX and I played paper, rock, scissors for the NEW CHAMPIONSHIP! It’s cRin the past, what the phuck you wanna do about it now? Besides if what you’re telling me is true this is your fault way more than it is mine!
Jason: Not really, see I made the decision based on what you would do!
LA Johnny Stylez: No sir what I would have done was whoop his bald bitch ass from one side of the arena to the other! Especially after he came out there bragging about smashing Roger’s record…Phuck him and both of their records!
Jason: K then HoTSHOT, why didn’t you do it?...Let me guess you were ultimately OK with it becaue the record book indicated that he dropped the NEW title to you, and not the other way around? Plus he was cRu, plus it was an asshole thing for the DoN oF Di$Re$PeCT to do?...yeah yeah I KNOW BRO! But Im sittin here tellin ya what we did was FUBAR…FUCKED UP BEYONED ALL
LA Johnny Stylez: YEAH I GET IT!
Jason: NO I don’t think you do…FoRTuNaTeLy in this realm I can do anything…Like this watch!
Jason then reaches in his back pocket and removes a remote that has two buttons on it. He presses one and a large LED screen drops down. Jason then mashes the othr button and it brings us back to
NEW EDGE WRESTLING PPV
ISUNDAY 2011
MAIN EVENT
NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT/NEW X-Treme Championship
XXX(c) vs LA Johnny Stylez(c)
Tom Davis: Introducing first…well..Both of the champions in tonights main event. One is the longest reigning World champion in NEW history, he is the ICON Xavier Xannon Xanders! The other is the incomparable Xtreme champion, The Paragona of Americana LA Johnny Stylez! Together they are THE FEATURE PRESENTATION!!!!
Clark Benson: When was the last time you saw a champ and a challenger come to the ring at the same time?
Vince Walters: The last time I smelt a fix. Here it comes Clark…I should have known better.
Xavier and Johnny enter the ring, and right away the ICON grabs a mic from ringside and addresses the crowd.
XXX: Ladies and gentleman, yesterday I broke the record set by Roger Wright to become the longest standing World champion in the history of the NEW. Since Tension in Texas I have been unstoppable, and to borrow a phrase from Johnny it’s been YOUR pleasure. Tonight I defend my belt against a man who has been my worst enemy, and now he is one of my best friends…and no matter how much you would love to see us tear each other apart, it’s just not going to happen. The cRu will remain after this epic battle, and we will be stronger and more unified than ever. You got anything to add Mr. Stylez?
Johnny: Yeah, yall are about to SOAK SOME UP!
X hands the mic to Johnny, who responds in common form before dropping the stick and waiting for the bell.
Clark Benson: Here we go. There’s the bell and both men are looking up at the titles.
Vince Walters: And…both men just shot up their respective ladders! I knew having those set up before the match even started was odd.
Clark Benson: Xavier is going to pull down the Undisputed and Johnny’s grabbing the Xtreme! The fix is on!
Vince Walters: Wait…Johnny just knocked X’s hands off the undisputed title! We might have a match here after all folks.
Johnny glares at X shaking his head, and then holds out his fist on top of his palm. X does the same, smacking his hand with his fist at the same time as Johnny before throwing out scissors. Johnny counters with Rock, as Xavier shrugs reaching for the Xtreme title instead of the undisputed. On the count of three both men unlatch the titles, Johnny with the Undisputed and Xavier with the Xtreme.
Vince Walters: I want to be sick. After all of that…after defending the belt against all comers, Xavier just turned the title over to Johnny in a game of Rosh ambo.
Clark Benson: Not only that, but they pissed on the Xtreme title as well…So now we have 2 new champions, who are basically the old champions. This is like the Tag belts all over again. The cRu thinks they can just do whatever the hell they want.
Tom Davis: Here is your winners and NEW champions. Johnny Stylez the UNDISPUTED CHAMPION, and Xavier Xannon Xanders, the XTR….
Xavier slides from the ring snatching the mic from Tom Davis.
XXX: The new TRIPLE X-treme champion…fancy title belt to come soon.
Vince Walters: What a joke…a complete and utter joke. They’ve just made a mockery out of the main event of an NEW PPV, which they held ransom to start with.
Clark Benson: But…there is a light at the end of the tunnel as these 2 idiots celebrate. Here comes Jesse Styles.
Johnny and X feign being scared of the NEW’s owner, as Johnny holds his new Undisputed title high for the crowd to see!
LA Johnny Stylez: OK, like seriously do we really have to watch this shit all over again?
Jason: Bet your fucking ass YOU DO PoDNuH! Take a good look if you find it hard to watch now I regret to inform you it has always been hard to watch. The sheer hypocrisy of it all is almost maddening! That Title has been your life forever! But doing this, shit all over everything it and you claimed to have stood for. And that Johnny Stylez is why you, me WE need redemption! New Edge Wrestling is the one and only wrestling promotion that is left where you and everyone on the roster are free to be just themselves. The only true free place left in the entire business, and that my friend as you very well know is sad. These fucks running the game today are lazy half ass weaklings and well just as we did with New Edge once upon a time if you want to see change LA Johnny Stylez…that means what doggie?
LA Johnny Stylez: YOU GOTTA BE
~!!!~ THE GoT DaYuM CHaNGe~!!!~
…BRO WE JUST NAILLLLEDDDDDD IT!!!!!
UP TOP?
The two both look in the opposite direction of one another and then without missing a beat both shoot their hands in the air at the same time deievering what both of these men will always refer back to that time they gave and received THE LITERAL HIGHEST OF 5’z! …Yeah we are a bit dorky, but like ya know phuck yall we don’t care! Anyway
Jason: Point I need you to firmly grasp and think of literally nothing else moving forward is you take a good look at what you did here in the past and use that to guide you and NEW into another and hopefully it’s brightest future yet! It can be done sir, all the tools are there. Yeah the heard may have thinned a bit but there is enough in place for a more than soli jumping off point, and well once upon a time you did a whole lot more
!!!!!WiTH a WHoLe LoT LeSS!!!!!
…DoMeSTiK Di$TuRBaNCe 4 INSTANCE!!!
Cause ya know…
LA Johnny Stylez: He really is a phucking idiot!
Jason: HE REALLY IS MAN! I mean it’s insane! But fuck him, but speaking of phuck yous, who does the biggest one go to?
LA Johnny Stylez: Valora Salinas?
Jason: BINGO! Phuck her and everything she thinks she’s about which these days covers a pretty wide spectrum right?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah Ms. ImSOJeNNyFRoMTHeBLOCK is now all of a sudden trying to walk the straight and narrow in some kind of Scientology LiTe bullshit running around constantly calling me and anyone else she don’t like a BISH because her new owners…SoRRy I meant
!!!! “FRiEnDZ” !!!!!
…I mean OBVIOUSLY I MEANT HER OWNERS, BUT MEANT TO SAY FRIENDZ MY BAD SoRRy NoT SoRRy!!!
“WON’T LET HER”...Uhhh
!!!!PHUCK EVERY GRAIN OF THAT SHIT!!!!
SoMeOnE WHO LIVES THEIR LIFE THAT WAY IS NOT FIT TO LEAD ANYONE ANYWHERE UNLESS IT’S A MASS SUICIDE THEN IT WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE!!!
But outside of that, yeah I can’t agree with you anymore when I once again emphatically say with every knife tipped rudness I can muster when I say yes sir INDEED
!!!!!PHUCK VALORA SALINAS!!!!!
THAT HOE AINT SHIT!!!
And I’m sure she will take exception to me calling her a hoe, but I mean sure just because they don’t wear bright colored pin stripped suits, mink coats, carry canes, and put baby powder on their hands before they open palm slap you for talkin to DaDDy LiKe THaT In FRoNT oF CoMpNey” Doesn’t mean she isn’t presently being pimped out by whoever the present day David Koresh is running this sham. And for Valora Salinas to actively fall for something like this, proves she was NEVER…and LOOK I LITERALLY MEAN
!!!!!F’N NeVeR!!!!!
HaLF aS SMaRT As SHe ONcE PReTeNDeD TO BE!!!
Jason: Yup and she fell for it because she was looking for something to believe in…Meaning something was and probably still is missing. Her insults are weak as fuck, and watching her stomp and parade around like she is this model of strength and mental toughness is a JOKE!...ANd not a fucking funny one either!
LA Johnny Stylez: I dunno bruh I be laughing at that shit all the time! But maybe we just need to let others in on the joke because you know these days you really gotta explain the jokes to them sometimes, they aint nearly as quick as they used to be I’ll just put it that way and leave it at that!
Jason: Well Johnny, this was…This was fun, I mean of course it was. And look I could wipe your memory and make it to where you don’t recall any of this, but I’m not gunna do that becaue I need you to remember everything we talked about, everything you saw…Becaue how you act and carry yourself going for is of the upmost importance. You have spent your entire career insisting to any and everyone who would listen that you are the very hero they have been pleading for since Roger Wright won the first TerrorDoME…But you’ve always been the guy they hated to love and love to hate and there is REAL POWER in that brother, because when they have to respect you despite hating everything you, say, do, and think …outloud! That sir is talent it is the only kind of victory that we both know we deem as
!!!!!A.C.C.E.P.T.A.B.L.E.!!!!!
CaUse ViCTORy IS MuCH SWeeTeR WHeN IT’s F’N A.B.S.O.L.U.T.E.!
Right?
LA Johnny Stylez: So this is good bye then?
Jason: Yeah…Yeah I think so!
LA Johnny Stylez: Can I ask five questions?
Jason: Hmmmm how about two?
LA Johnny Stylez: NO FAIR! WHATEVER…OK, do you know who my mom is?
Jason: You really wanna know?
LA Johnny Stylez: YEAH PHUCKASS I ONLY HAVE TWO QUESTIONS AND THAT WAS MY FIRST ONE…YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU A PHUCKING PICTURE?
Jason: OK…THe answer is NO I have no idea! I figured that is better left unanswered, because if we knew who she was then we would have to include her in shit form time to time, and well a cunt who would do to you what she did doesn’t deserve any kind of spotlight ever, so piss on her as far as I’m concerned!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah she sounds like a SKANK anyway! Piss on her indeed!
Jason: OK…Last question CHAMP, make it a good one!
LA Johnny Stylez: You really think we can lead these mother phuckerz for real?
Jason: Yeah I do, first is first you have to always BEAT THEM AT THEIR OWN GAME, and MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO DO SO SOUNDLY! So then when they can’t compete with you in their game it makes changing the rules much easier! So dig in and fight every fight in the trenches and slowly most likely because these kids sure do love their misery these days, but you drag em kicking and screamin if necessary because if we don’t do something and do it relatively soon our game may join WCW in the past tense! And I really hate saying this outloud to you especially but no game…Means NO…
LA Johnny Stylez: BITE YOUR TONGUE! OK! I GET IT! HOLY SHIT, NEVER EVEN THINK THAT HORRID THOUGHT AGAIN! I MEAN WHAT THE PHUCK WOULD YOU EVEN DO WITHOUT ME? I mean this whole time I been low key kinda think of things from like your perspective and well if I was you I would love PRETENDING TO BE ME TOO! I MEAN they act like they can’t stand me, but that is actually NoN$eN$e cause they all know in addition to being the most direct, disrespectful, blunt person they’ve ever come across they also know that if nothing else LA Johnny Stylez is, was, and always phucking WILL BE a GooD…NO a
~$~ F’N GReaT TIMe ~$~
…AND I HAD TO KICK A WHOLE LOTTA BUTTZ TO MAKE IT SO, BUT HERE WE ARE!!!!
SO yeah you know!
Jason: Yeah here we are indeed! Now what you gunna do? And why is it so important you do it?
LA Johnny Stylez: Cause it’s everything! And we are gunna go into Tension in TeXas and whoop that mental CHILD VALORA SALINAS who is as delusional as she is LAME AS PHUCK! And finally step up to the plate and be what I was created to be!
Jason: Yeah now of course idiots like Hunter and anyone else who likes the low hanging fruit and they are gunna say you are starting to “go soft” but to pay things that deserve their due respect is not soft or weak in anyway. THat is what makes you giving it a big deal because you respect nothing and no one! Which should tell them everything they need to know about the things you do respect! I’m not asking or saying you need to change, because you keep being you the same way we have always been, in fact crank it up a notch or six maybe? But it is time that they recgonize that you are the leader and always have been! And the only way to get people to do anything in this world is if you what?
LA Johnny Stylez: MaKE EM!
Jason: YUP! SO if you are able to pull all of this off…If we can fight the tough ones and find ways to continue winning them, then not only will you lead NEW into it’s brightest future yet which is and always will be the goal, same as it always has been, but you will also put the memory of what yo…WE did at ISUNDAY so far in the rearview it will be all but forgotten! Because look I dunno how the shit with Valora is going to fall, she may beat us for all we know, but that is nothing but a set back,! This is the mission and phuck any and everyone who stands between us and the top of the stairway! What you are…WHO you are has never been more important than it is right now. We represent originality, passion, strength, love, and REAL…THose are the foundations this game were probably originally founded on and should be it’s governing principals! So hammer them as hard and directly as you can until they submit…YOU KNOW THE PROCCESS!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah you could say I’ve done it a time or 2…00(Two HunDReD MILLION BAGILLION!)
Jason: Aight Don, it was a PRiVLeaGe INDeeD!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Alright come over here and show me some love mother phucker! Ohhh wait before you go can I just say ONE more thing?
Jason: Yeah what ya got?
LA Johnny Stylez: Please know I have rarely said this out loud to anyone, so I want you to know that I say it with every single fiber of my being! THANK YOU….NO REALLY
!!!!THAAAANNNKKKKK YOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!
FoR THe PoRN STARS!!! I MEAN YOU’RE A GENIUS BRO! A MOTHER PHUCKING GENIUS!!!
OK now get the hell outta here so I can put this cunt in her place and get to gettin!
Jason: Later Johnny…Ohh and Johnny before I forget that conversation you had with Jesse…Happened, but at the same time it didn’t! It was where you were headed…So I’m kinda putting you back in and you won’t have spoken to Jesse since you lost on IGNITE! SO maybe DO BETTER than that first go round?
LA Johnny Stylez: PHUCK YOU…Aint you supposed to be the steering wheel?
Jason: BYE Johnny…Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!
LA Johnny Stylez: AInt that why you created me?
Jason: Yeah…guess it kinda is! Alright bruddah, see ya back at the top!
LA Johnny Stylez: AIGHT MAN BE COOL! PHUCK KADEN CEDRIK!
Jason: YUP RIGHT IN HIS STUPID FACE!
…ANd then I woke back up back in the ring with everyone in New Orleans strongly considering jumping the rail and doing what I’m finna do to Valora in the very near and clear! But I sat up and looked around and smiled! Man I love this shit I really do! So then I found the nearest camera man and DEMANDED he put it on me. I looked dead into it, and I said what I said directly to Valora Salinas, just as much if not more than everyone else when I mouthed that sweet and sexy TIMELESS CATCH PHRASE OF MINE…You know the one…the one where I tell phucksox like Valora Salinas to
!!!!!SoaK!!!!!
!!!!!SoMe!!!!!
!!!!!!!UP!!!!!!!
And with that LA Johnny Stylez stood up back up on his feet. Looked around and for once really stopped and took some of his own advice and listened to the adulation and warm reception from the one and only crowd on the planet that would ever cheer this man. He closed his eyes and points to them all as the roar goes from loud…to F’N LOUDER in no more than a few seconds. HE then opens his eyes and demands the time keeper give him his PROPERTY…THE NEW EDGE WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP BELT…He then with both hands proudly holds it above his head, and the fans here in the BiG Ea$y are all on their feet. Don’t worry he isn’t gunna cry like a bitch, but he will smile like the half goofy mother phucker he is. But take a good look kids, cause this is how it should be done, and should have been done this entire time…But don’t worry we’ll get yall right! Even if we gotta drag yall kickin and screamin..TIll then asshatz!!!
…It’s BeeN YOuR PLea$uRE!!!
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??
!!!!MiGHT!!!!
But DoNT FeeL BaD YeT VAL YOU AINT THE ONLY ONE MAMiCiTa!!!!
So the question is boys and girls do any of you have even the faintest idea of why in just a few short days there will even be
???TeN$ioN~n~TeXaS???
In THe F’N FiRST PLaCe???
I’ll be the first one to phucking tell ya Tension in Texas aint exactly my favorite New Edge PPV! Probably cause the one and only memory I have of one is the time Al Envy pulled off the impossible and unassed me for the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship. The very same one I presently have in my possession as we phucking speak! But as painful as that memory might be, there is simply no denying the sheer magnitude and significance of that match. The fact that it was left off of any Tension in Texas countdown is a flat out
!!!!F’N JoKe!!!!
NoT TeRRiBLy DiSSiMiLAR FRoM VaLoRa’S CHaNCeS oF WaLKIN OuT of TeXaS w/ MY F’N BELT!!!
But as usual I digress! See that match against Envy was so special because it was the culmination of a bitter rivalry that had actually started the night I won my first NEW World Heavyweight Championship! Unbeknownst to me Jesse had made a move that would help shape NEW into the premiere wrestling empire on the planet as he signed AL Envy away from TEW because he didn’t have very many if any people on the NEW roster that could even hope to to actually stand a chance against me! Kinda like
!!!!HoW SHiT iZ 2Day!!!!
…OnLy THeRe WeRe MoRe THEN!!!!
But suffice to say that was the beginning of the New Edge Wrestling revolution that swept over pro wrestling like the cure it was desperate for at the time! We were the biggest and we were the absolute best and we went to phucking war for the right to call ourselves
!!!!WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!!
…OF NEW EDGE WRESTLING!!!
And when every competitor steps into that ring for that prize brings everything they had and left it all out there in the ring is also precisely how and why the NEW Championship became THE GUIDING LIGHT OF PRO WRESTLING! Because at any given time during that span any and everyone (CePT MoLLy F’N MayHeM) had the right to refer to themselves as the BEST WRESTLER ON THE PHUCKING PLANET! And duh most of the time that was
!!!!ME!!!!
…AnD STiLL IZ ACTUaLLy!
..Only pretty much everything has changed, and not for the better particularly! But I am right here and right now taking responsibility for some of that, because as CHAMPION how well New Edge does, is, was, and always will be on my shoulders. But as I look around and as I have told you all literally millions of times since we’ve been back…Our game is phucking DYING! The weak were somewhere along the way granted a seat at our phucking table, we turned around to go get another metaphorical drink from the bar came back and these DILDOS ARE SOME HOW
?RuNNiNG SHIT?
…YoU TuRN YoUR F’N BACK FOR 15 GoT DaMn SeCoNDZ, and It’s Like PRO WRESTLING IS NOW RUN BY BUZZ LIGHTYEAR AND CHARZARD!!!
New Edge Wrestling as I stated the day it was revived is still very much so the only REAL and TRUE
!!!!!GuIDiNG LiGHT!!!!!!
IN ALL OF PRO WRESTLING!!!1
It is the one and only wrestling promotion that still allows its talent the freedom to be who and what they truly are. No limitations or shackles that the modern day wrestling promotion forces onto its competitors which means THE BEST HERE is the actual BEST No handicaps no bullshit! Which is exactly why I think about my first title defense against Valora Salinas and I can’t help but observe that while this is BY NO STRETCH OF ANY IMAGINATION what I or anyone else would refer to as
~$~ My BiGGe$T MATCH ~$~
…BuT As FaR aS I’M CoNCeRNeD It IS MY Mo$T IMPORTANT!!!
Because there is nothing…Let me say that one mo GIN
!!!!N.O.T.H.I.N.G.!!!!!
MoRE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN MY…MY….MY FUCKING NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE!!!
No one, not one person on the roster…Which means if you are in the NEW locker room and are sitting around listening to this then yes bitch I’m TALKING ABOUT YOU! None of the members of the roster are a fraction of the star I am, well maybe Blair…But yall know BeeBz, I love her to death but you can’t count on her, and you really shouldn’t even if you could!...Just ya know don’t tell Valora that shit! But fact is this match is of grave importance to me because while I am still the same brash, arrogant, drug using, alochol abusing, say what I want, do what I want, take what I want slap your muddah, MuDDaH PHUCKER I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN! Like all things on this planet I have also changed. I realize things now I should have a long time ago. An appreciation for things i used to have no respect for, as well as perhaps an understanding of who and what I am. And as you all know what I am right now is the same thing I will be Tuesday Morning…
~!$!~ THE NEW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD ~!$!~
…Putting a SuDDeN AnD ABRuPT EnD TO AnY TeNSiON THaT WaS EVeR IN TeXaS!!!
SO Valora I know you are sitting around only paying attention to select parts of this, so know you will have an entire section of this production dedicated to you and every single drop of your stupidity, and considering you’d need an olympic swimming pool to contain all those dumb ass dew drops just know that the part where I drown your silly ass in it is going to happen a little bit later, because first there is something I need to share with yall!
Aight yall, so like hear me out K? Over the years I have allowed you all to join me on some of my wildest adventures and I can narrate here in absolute honesty when I say practically every fuggin one of them were very heavily
~$~ DRuG EnDuCeD ~$~
I MEAN I F’N SWITCHED BODIES WITH RYAN PUGH…EwWwWwW
…Sometimes if I go to sleep, I wake up in the middle of the night and I can still taste those nasty ass Burger King double cheeseburgers…PHUCKIN TUBBY BITCH! Ohh CoNTeXT my bad! For those of you that don’t know ToNz oF FuN, imagine Zach Galifinikas if he did steroids for like four cycles and stopped half way through the third! ANd then BAM you got that tubby MUDDAH PHUCKER! But we didn’t come here today to talk about that DiLDo!
No something phucking weird as phuck happened to me, and I for some reason unknown to me even still I am compelled to share it with you privacy ViKiNGZ! K so here’z how it went down! Cause for real this is without question the CRAZIEST SHIT that has ever happened to me. Like there is no way it’s possible that this was REAL LIFE…But I say that and it was kinda one of the realest experiences of my entire life. Think what you want to about what you are going to see, because at the end of the day I would like you to remember one thing and one thing only. What was said and done after this here doesn’t change the simple fact that if you are
!!!!!F’N STuPiD ENoUGH!!!!!
TO F’N CRoSS ME, I’LL STiLL GLaDy BURN YOUR ENTIRE WORLD TO THE GROUND WITHOUT BATTING AN EYELASH!!!
I’m not just the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion, I am hands down the absolute
~!$!~ F’N B.E.S.T. ~!$!~
TO EVER PLAY THIS GAME…EVER!!!
And really, that is actually what all of this is about…But you’ll see…ShHhHH please shut your knob polisher cause you don’t wanna miss this here!
Tom Davis: AND HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS ROGER WRIGHT AND VALORA SALINAS!!!!
Then the most deafening boos I’ve heard in quite some time and for me that is absolutely saying something. My eyes were closed, I recollect that much, I don’t know if I was just caught off guard or my body reacted to one of the things that turns my got damn guts more than anything in the world and that is losing in my own got game backyard! SoMeONe HaS a VeRy BiG ReCiPT in HeR NeaR AnD CLeaR FuTuRe, but before we get there apparently I had a pit stop or two still to make on destiny’s path that leads to Tension in Texas.
And that’s when the shit happened yall. I opened my eyes, and I gotta be real when I tell ya I was kind of relieved when my eyes open and I didn’t hear the sound of almost twenty thousand of my fellow cajuns and coonasses ready to jump the rail, do your boy a solid and break Valora’s neck on live television! That would have been forty five different kinds of epic, but still a very
!!!!FaR F’N CRy!!!!!
FROM THE 100 DiFF KiNDZ IT WiLL Be WHEN I F’N DO IT!!!!
But anyway so where was I?...OHH YEAH SILENCE, well I sat up and I was still very much in the Smoothie King center directly across the street from the Superdome in New Orleans Louisiana where IGNITE either just took place, or will, I had no phucking idea! All of the pageantry that goes into bringing IGNITE to life once a month was no where to be seen. Any and every sign of New Edge Wrestling’s presence was vacant from our very location, well unless of course you count me IT’s CHAMPION, and of course this ring I was lying in the middle of like I fuggin just woke up from a probably long nap! I musta been smashed, I also really really hope that this means I was taking a PHuCkIN NaP and me losing to Valora the show before we meet live on Pay Per View for MY RICHEST PRIZE IN THE GAME!
…UnFUCKiNGFoRTuNaTeLy YaLL…THAT WASN’T AND STILL ISN’T THE CASE!
!!!!P.H.U.C.K.!!!!
MAN I CAN’T F’N WAIT TO CAVE HER F’N FACE IN!!!
But apparently I would have to wait to do that too, because as I stand up and look around there aint nobody anywhere in this mother phucker like at all. And I mean I aint no bitch I aint scared of nothin but the good Lord, but low key standing in the NEW ring in this otherwise completely dark building was kinda giving me the creeps! So instead of waiting for Batroy to swoop in from the shadows and take his vengeance for the sake of justice I decided I needed to find my way out of this bitch…
!!!!LiKe PRoNTO!!!!
Cause Well I’m THE NEW CHAMPION, I HAVE WAY MORE IMPORTANT SHIT TO BE DOIN!!!
SO I hop out of the ring and reach for my phone, only to realize I was still in my ring gear and my phone was sitting in the got damn skybox! PHUCK!!! Well with no other options at my disposal I then decided to just try my best to make my way out and hopefully not fall and break my neck of whatever may be lying around out there. But I’ma tell ya this right now if this is Iser and Jesse’s idea of a RIB there will be
!!!!WAR!!!!
AND GooD OLe BaTRoy WoN’T BE THE ONLY ONE OUT FOR VENGEANCE THAT I’LL CALL JUSTICE!!!
SO I climb out of the ring and begin making my way through the darkness. My hands in front of me with every slow step, cause I really couldn’t afford to get hurt, not now not like this! Eventually I make my way towards a small light I see far off in the distance. Once I finally make my way to it, I find myself in this phuckin weirdo hall way that I have never seen inside the Smoothie King Center, and Ive been around that building a time or two I would remember a room with black and white walls. The front and back walls are black as the right and lefts are white. THere are two doors both with EXIT signs above them. And just like the walls the door on the left is white, and the door on the right is black. Black being my favorite color I reach for the knob, but the moment my fingers touch the cold brass door knob I literally almost shit meself as a voice breaks the scary silence and I nearly jump out of my got damn skin…
Voice: I don’t think you wanna go in there my dude!
I quickly shoot around and sitting there on a large black marble table with a large vanity mirror directly behind him, polishing off a pack of GUSHERS, is this weird looking mother phucker. I couldn’t tell you his name to save my life, but I know I’ve seen him before, I just don’t recall at the moment…And not a moment after that thought silently crosses my mind this dude half my size with a bald head and a purple t-shirt with a picture of a doctor performing surgery on a rocket and underneath read the words
“IT’S NoT RoCKeT SuRGeRy”
Speaks up and answers the question I silently asked myself not a moment ago.
Jason: What’s GooD THeRe Johnny BOY, lookin like you’re goin through it there doggie? Look I know you are confused about where you are and who I am, but don’t worry I’m finna clear all that shit up for ya! But before we jump into that shit, I need you to pay attention to me alright? Cause what I’m finna tell you is of the upmost importance! Like if you’ve ever heard anything anyone has ever said please make sure that you remember what the fuck I’m finna tell ya alright?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhhh, quick question?!...Am I dead? Please tell me I’m not dead because if I was murdered by Valora Salinas in the NEW ring in New Orleans Louisiana I don’t know how I’ll accomplish it but I will find a way to commit suicide!
Jason: Look man don’t worry about all that you aint dead I promise you! Far from it! But like maybe come over here and sit down for a tick because some of the shit I’m gunna tell you may be a bit…Complicated? No, well yeah but actually I’d say more so it’s gunna be hard to wrap your mind around. But I have faith in you so…
LA Johnny Stylez: OK, wait again and I’m so sorry for interrupting…
Jason: Nope…No you’re not!
LA Johnny Stylez: K yeah got me there! But I have another question before you keep talking and saying things that make zero sense to me! SO if I’m not dead….Are you like God or something, because this weird trippy ominous shit going on is giving me them kinda vibes?
Jason: God? WHO ME? HA! HARDLY MY MAN! At least I hope not! Well as far as you are concerned I guess that’s not the wildest way to put it, but no I’m not God. I kinda hate to tell you this, but it’s kinda a weeeee bit more CoMPLiCaTeD THaN THAT!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: HEY! YOU just did my thing?
Jason: Your thing?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah MoTHeR PHuCKeR My THiNG!! I mean people try and do it all the time but you’re like the only one who did it right?
Jason: Yeah well if you think that shit’s wild then…
LA Johnny Stylez: Look man, I didn’t catch your name but
Jason: It’s Jason!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah I’m sure it is…But incase you are some kinda space MoRoN, you can tell by this shiny belt around my waist that I’m kind of important which means I’ve got more important shit I need to get to getting to, ya dig? So tell ya what, I’ma go take care of all that, you stay right here, K? I’ll come back if I feel like it?
Johnny then turns back around and shakes his head placing his fingers around the knob but before he can turn the knob the man who identified himself as Jason says…
Jason: You don’t wanna go in there bruh I’m tellin you!
LA Johnny Stylez: Hey Mr. I’MNoTGOD, how do you know whats on the otherside of this door?
Jason: Well I mean I’ll tell ya but it’s not something I can do in a sentence! I’m afraid we have that in common!
LA Johnny Stylez: Wow, you must feel really special I mean having something in common with me, must be like amazing for you! But like I said since you aren’t God and can’t tell me who you are without making me listen to some LAME-O bed time story…I have deduced that this has to be some whack ass dream, I need to lay off the damn MOLLYWHOP! So if it’s alright with you I’d like to go through the door and wake up or at least get closer to whatever this is being over, so yeah SEE YA NEVER!!!
Jason: Suit yourself, just don’t say I didn’t warn ya because when you show back up in about fifteen minutes I am going to remind you that I did indeed fact warn you! Twice! But I mean while you are in there I know it is going to go against every fiber of your being, believe me I really
!!!!!F’N DO!!!!!
BuT JuST THiS OnCe MayBe FoCuS MoRe on LiSTeNiNG and MuCH LeSS ON TALKING!!! PRETTY PLEASE DICKHEAD??
There I even asked nicely!
LA Johnny Stylez: WAIT HOLD THE PHUCK ON…How can you do my other thing? YA know what the longer I stay the weirder this gets…I don’t wanna know none of this shit, I just wanna get the phuck outta here! But hey since you asked so nicely I probably will do exactly what you asked when I go in this room!
Jason: Nope…No you won’t!
LA Johnny Stylez: RiGHT AGAIN SIR! But hey cool tshirt bro!
Jason: Thanks! See ya in ab fifteen of em!
LA Johnny Stylez: Whatever you say SLICK! See YA NeVER!!!
Johnny then finally turns the knob and the door opens. A white light pours into the room as Johnny has to hold his hands up to shield his eyes from the light. HE then proceeds with caution as he walks into the room closing the door behind him. The camera lingers for a moment as Jason sits on the table, reaches in his pocket and pulls out a pack of Lucky Strikes, pops one in his mouth and lights it. HE takes a drag glaring at the door, he chuckles to himself as he then leans back against the mirror almost in a state of sheer serenity as he softly sasy to himself…
Jason: Man he really is the WORST!!! SO wait does that make me the wors…? No there is no way that’s possible! NeVeRMIND!!!
Scene then switches back to Johnny’s JoURNey. The door closes behind him and all of a sudden he finds himself back in the SKYBOX in the Smoothie King Center that The Members of The BuSiNESS used as a locker room while IGNITE was going on. Jesse is being checked by a medical professional. Jesse’s knuckles are bloody and bruised as the medical examiner is shining a light in his eyes checking to see if he sustained a concussion, but the doc gives him the OK.
Johnny’s eyes then dart around the room and he sees Seth Iser sitting on a large black leather couch with his feet up on the table enjoying a bottle of FIJI water. THe look on Johnny’s face clearly indicates that the knot in his stomach just untied and a feeling of calming comfort sweeps over him immediately, as that dream that was almost a nightmare is over and he is back here in reality.
…HoWEVeR those feelings of calm and serenity are quickly EVAPORATED as the moment Jesse’s eyes lock on Johnny, Jesse visibly and clearly agitated nearing pissed off barks at Johnny from across the room.
Jesse Styles: Ohh thank you for finally deciding to grace us with your presence CHAMP!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah don’t mention it BoSSMaN, I am after all a man of the people! Look it’s been a weird one so can we?
Jesse Styles: WHAT THE FUCK JOHNNY?
LA Johnny Stylez: Wait, say what now? What the fuck me?...NO SIR WHAT THE PHUCK YOU! The hells your got damn problem? Last I checked if anyone has any kind of right to be pissed it’s me! Cause I mean look I know wrestling has changed a lot since we left and came back, but I’m pretty sure the rules regarding tag matches require both participants to remain ringside until the match itself concludes! SO, if you would like to explain the phuck all that was about I’m all ears!
Jesse Styles: Alright WISE ASS! SO you wanna do this do ya?...OF COURSE YOU DO! FINE, despite the fact that not only did I do literally everything I could to put a BOW ON THT ONE FOR YOU IN YOUR HOMETOWN, but Roger left Valora hanging! He did us a favor without doing us a favor, and you still couldn’t get the job done! Johnny maybe you didn’t notice but I had to fend off not one but two extra assholes who really came down there to get a piece of YOU! SO if you wanna know where I was, ask yourself where is Jesse during moments like these? CLEANING UP YOUR GOT DAMN MESSES AS FUCKING USUAL! I thought we weren’t gunna make the same mistakes this time around Johnny?
LA Johnny Stylez: WOAH, HoL uP SWoLe UP!!!! ME? My MESS? Correct me if I’m wrong CUZ but I thought we was supposed to be in this shit together BRUH? They jump on you they jump on me ReMeMBeR? That is the deal we made is it not? Or did you just do that thing you’ve been known to do from time to time where you alter the terms of sed deal and just neglect to mention it? And hold on…ISER where in the phuck were you bruh? You see Jesse having to fight off two people…Even if one of them is Hunter Valentyne, having a little back up that we paid you quite handsomely to be would have been great!
Seth Iser: Well Johnny, I seem to recall you saying something to the effect of “YA KNoW WHaT ISeR, Me and JeSS GOT THIS SHIT HERE! You can kick back and watch the Styles Mafia…bla bla bla bla….More bla bla bla YOU CAN EVEN TAKE A NAP IF YOU WANT TO!” I may be paraphrasing a tad but I think that was the jist of it! So…You suggested I take a nap and that is precisely what I did, and if you doubt me there is of course video evidence of the whole ordeal! NOW please leave me out of whatever the hell this is, THANKS!
Jesse Styles: Yeah Johnny ISER has nothing to do with what happened out there! If you want someone to blame then take a sec and go into any of the three bathrooms in this got damn skybox and look into the mirror man! You said we weren’t gunna do this shit this time! That was YOUR PROMISE JOHNNY! Underestimating Valora this close to Tension in Texas? You know that woman has more fight in her than half of the entire roster!
LA Johnny Stylez: HEY PHUCK VALORA!!!
Jesse Styles: Yeah that’s the problem Johnny! That seems to be your fucking attitude with everything these days man! I don’t know what in the fuck is going on with you but you had better pull your head from your asshole and do it with a quickness or a wrestling match won’t be the only thing you lose come Tension in Texas!
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhhhh
???WHAT the ACTUAL P.H.U.C.K.
WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT? IT WAS ONE PHUCKIN MATCH!!!
Which is the first time I’ve lost since we’ve been back! I was practically the only undefeated person left on the roster!
Jesse Styles: Yeah and now it’s just Valora!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yes but I’m pretty sure I already said PHUCK VALORA! Like not even three minutes ago!
Jesse Styles: THAT is MY POINT RIGHT THERE DINGBAT!! It wasn’t just one match…I mean yeah as far as wins and losses go, but this is about way more than that man! And if you don’t fucking see that brother then as much as I hate to say this to you, but if you can’t see what’s actually going on here then maybe you need to take a look at the fact that your grasp on reality may be just as loose as Hunter’s
LA Johnny Stylez: UM EXcU$e YOU?...WHAT THE PHUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?
Jesse Styles: JOHNNY STOP! I’m not about to do this with you bruh! NOW your options are kinda thin so you can either sit here and get all in your feelings and then shoto your mouth off and in all probability make this way fucking worse than it is or has to be, or you can open your ears and listen to what the hell I’m trying to tell you, cause whether or not you are capable of seeing this for yourself right now I’m actually trying to FUCKING HELP YOU!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Jesse, DooD, at least start by telling me where in the phucking phuck all this nonsense is coming from?
Jesse Styles: NONSENSE?...NONSENSE!!!! You want nonsense OK…How about bailing on all your commitments and pretty much leaving me with my DICK IN MY HAND with the Kief show? Hmm? YOU ARE THE NEW CHAMPION JOHNNY! Not to mention you and Kief were supposed to be boys…But you show up late as fuck and blitzed outta your got damn mind! GUess what Johnny…THERE’S MORE! Like this stupid shit you got going on with Hunter! WHY? We are trying to take on the got damn world, and you wanna rattle that cage why? I mean yeah he shoots his mouth off, but you know he’s full of shit…EVERYONE from the front row to the nosebleed section, and sitting at home watching TV knows Hunter is completely full of shit! You know that better than all of them combined. Johnny again YOU ARE THE CHAMP…HE IS FUCKING BENEATH YOU! ANd that is completely neglecting the fact that there are probably a MILLION MORE IMPORTANT THINGS YOU NEED TO BE WORRYING ABOUT RIGHT NOW!
LA Johnny Stylez: Wel…
Jesse Styles: NO you wanted to know where this “NONSENSE” is coming from…Well sit down and stay a while cause I’m not done yet! Cause then there is the subject of that crap you fucking pulled on me three got damn days before IGNITE went live here in NEW ORLEANS!
LA Johnny Stylez: What? Forced you to attend a party with every PORNSTAR that’s worth jerking off to? I know I’m just the WORST!!!!
Jesse Styles: NO ASSHOLE! I mean yeah that was pretty cool, but I am talking about the fact that YOU FUCKING ROOFIED ME!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well see that’s not true…THEY weren’t even roofies, if they had been you would have had no fun, less eyebrows, and probably a dick drawn on your face. BUT YOU KNOW I wouldnt have done it cause I can’t draw for shit! But anyway yeah it was MOLLYWHOP, ya know that shit we been working on it’s a mix of…
Jesse Styles: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT IT WAS! The point is YOU FUCKING DRUGGED ME!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well to be fair I tried to microdose you…But you fucking drank ISER’s
Iser quickly shoots a look of disdain in Johnny’s direction that Johnny immediately notices and mouths the words “SoRRy DuDe” but the moment Iser’s attention goes elsewhere we see Johnny look at Jesse and shake his head and silently say…NO IM NOT!!!
Jesse Styles: For fucks sake JOHNNY I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT IT WAS CALLED! You fucking drugged me! What if I would have gotten arrested? Or OD’d? I am responsible for running a multi million dollar wrestling promotion, and all of my money is tied up in this. Not to mention the increasing number of people that depend on me for the livelihood! After running your own promotion you think you would have taken that into consideration, but as usual it’s Johnny doing whatever the hell Johnny wants cause CONSEQUENCE?
WHAT ARE THOSE? But Johnny I can’t and won’t continue cleaning up all your messes especially if you aren’t going to at leasdt attempt to keep the promises you made me! ANd all of this ontop of what you know I’m going through personally right now man! I mean I know you are an inconsiderate prick to them. But you don’t do that shit to me, I believe that was also part of our agreement you tried throwing in my face a minute ago!
Johnny takes the NEW CHAMPIONSHIP Belt and drapes it over the couch in front of him and then goes to speak but before a single word gets out he hears the voice of that assbag, whatever his name was that was told him to “DO LESS TALKING” and Johnny for reasons unknown to him closes his mouth as Jesse looks him dead in his eyes and says…
Jesse Styles: I mean Johnny I hear you…EVERYONE HEARS YOU walk around every and anywhere with the NEW Championship belt with you. It’s almost like it’s one of your body parts man, and I’m proud that you are so proud of it, but Johnny man if you are going to tell anyone who will listen and even more than a few who won’t that you are the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion then please for both of our sakes pull your shit together and START FUCKING ACTING LIKE IT MAN!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well GAWD DAMN CUZ that’s how you feelin?
Jesse Styles: NO JOHNNY THAT’S HOW IT IS! Listen to me man, I mean really listen to me. I chose to back you and would probably do it again because I know what you are capable of, and I know you are capable of keeping every promise you made me when we laid this whole plan out! But Johnny we really…REALLY NEED YOU TO MAN THE FUCK UP and start doing your got damn job!
LA Johnny Stylez: Aight then, I see how it is! FINE, so like are we done with whatever the phuck this is? Or do you wanna slap my other wrist too?
Jesse Styles: Johnny you are such a pain in the ass sometimes! Ya know what I’m not about to get into another screaming match that eventually becomes a pissing contest between the two of us that will sooner rather than later go to blows. SO why don’t you take a fucking walk, cool off and think about why you are here and what it is you really wanna accomplish because Johnny the way you are going about it you are fixing to flush it all down the fucking toilet!
LA Johnny Stylez: FINALLY something you said that we can agree on! I’m DEFINITELY THE PHUCK OUTTA HERE!
Johnny turns around and opens the door he came in and then powerfully slams it behind him. Jesse and Iser exchange irritated looks as Jesse runs his hands over his head and face as suddenly the door swings back open and Johnny comes in saying all kinda shit all of em curse words. He walks right back to where he was standing and grabs the…no HIS NEW Championship belt off the couch and then turns right back around and storms back out of the room SLAMMING the door behind him once again. There is an awkward silence for a moment as Jesse and Iser lock eyes again and Seth is trying his best to hold in the laughter. Jesse sees this as well and lets out a chuckle on accident, but quickly catches himself as he looks in Iser’s direction and simply says…
Jesse Styles: STOP!
The two then erupt in laughter as the camera immediately cuts back to Johnny’s JOURNEY! He was so pissed when he stormed out of the room it didn’t occur to him to not go back in the way he came. So the moment the door closes behind him and it finally does dawn on him that if he was looking for the EXIT he went the WRONG F’N WAY, it is too late. His grip on the doorknob is firm as it gets but the door is now locked! Johnny jerks and twists as much as he can, he backs up looking like he is ready to try and kick it down, when once again that voice…
Jason: Don’t do that! It won’t work! ANd before you think about ignoring me again, ask yourself how well that worked out for ya last time PHUCKSOCK!!!
Johnny’s head sinks. His eyes were closed but when they open he finds himself staring at the glimmering beautiful golden sight of the love of his LIFE the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship. His head then quickly shoots up and he storms over to the black marble table this Jason dickbag was sitting ontop of. Johnny glares at Jason who appears oblivious that the way he is sitting makes it impossible for Johnny to sit. SO Jason scootches and Johnny hops on the table. Jason reaches over and pulls up a box of GUSHERS and sits it inbetween them.
Johnny looks around trying to act like GUSHERS wouldn’t immediately improve these unfortunate circumstances he seems to be all caught up in presently. So he says phuck it and sends his hand diving into the box and removes three of it’s six bags. Jason laughs as he pulls out another couple of LUCKY STRIKES cigarettes. He hands one to Johnny who places it behind his ear as Jason lights it using Johnny’s 4:19 ZIPPO LIGHTER. Johnny notices this and is so shocked he almost chokes on the entire bag of gushers he shoved into his mouth. But once he is finally able to work past that situation he points and says..
LA Johnny Stylez: WHERE THE PHUCK DID YOU GET THAT! There is only ONE…and IT’s MINE! No half answers man, GIVE ITTO ME STRAIGHT! No riddles, games, or bullshit! I’m having what I hope is only a night but it sure as phuck is a rough one! And I have a big match I need to be preparing for so if you could just tell me what the phuck is going on I won’t be as compelled as I feel to pound you and steel the rest of your gushers, ya feel me?
Jason: OK fine, but brace yourself cause you probably aint gunna like it my boy!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well I don’t wanna say IT CANT BE ANY WORSE…but Ive been wrong once or twice before!
Jason: OK well then since we are doing this I suppose the first question you want answered is who I am, right?
LA Johnny Stylez: Thought we were gunna skip the theatrics?
Jason: Right!..K so…
Jason then leans over and begins whispering something into Johnny’s ear as we see Johnny’s face FUCKING DROP! It is a look if shock no one in the entire human race has ever seen before. As Jason’s words fall from his lips and into Johnny’s eardrum we see Johnny’s eyes widen and then close as we can see he is having trouble wrapping his head around the things he is presently being told. After a few moments Jason then leans over grabbing the zippo he placed at his side and unhooks the top of it and flicks it holding the flame for Johnny as he slumps and lets out a slight HA as he puts the cigarette in his mouth and leans forward allowing the flame to gently dance across the tip of his cigarette. HE takes one long drag exhaling the smoke as he rubs his hands over his face. Jason sits back watching his reaction, clearly loving every moment of it!
LA Johnny Stylez: DUDE NO WAY! So if you created me then how are you not GOD?
Jason: Because I created you and most of the shit you do, but as far as the other people in your world I have no control or say over until we beat them, and even then!
LA Johnny Stylez: I KNOW
!!!!RiGHT?
…BUT WE SURE DO BEAT THEM BITCHES UP DON’T WE???
So wait, if you are ME…Does that mean I’m you?
Jason: Um, kinda but not really
LA Johnny Stylez: OK pal, look you’ll have to forgive me but that shit you just told me is WILD! You got anyway you can prove any of this?
Jason: You mean aside from making sure you wake up in the middle of the NEW ring in a dark arena that lead you to this room where you literally just got back from walking through one of two doors I placed for you here?
LA Johnny Stylez: Uh yeah, I thought me asking for it implied that, but whatever!
Jason: OK let me ask you a question! Where are your midgets?
LA Johnny Stylez: Jacobi and Tibbz?
Jason: We both know you don’t have any other midgets, I thought me asking that implied that?
LA Johnny Stylez: WISE ASS! OK FINE…My two tiny killers are…Well see after…I think they’re…Ya know come to think of it, I have no PHUCKING CLUE WHERE THEY ARE! WHERE ARE MY PHUCKING MIDGETS BRO???
Jason: Relax, I haven’t worked it all out yet, but they are running BRAZZERS for you at the BRAZZERS studios in California!
LA Johnny Stylez: Um…
?4 ReaL DAWG?
THEY CAN’T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!
…Them two tiny turdz ran these streets with me for years and I never heard em say a word!
Jason: WOw you actually noticed that?
LA Johnny Stylez: PHUCK YOU!
Jason: Wow, I’m actually kinda surprised! But yeah I’m pretty sure that’s where they are. BUt look it doesn’t matter right now, keep that one in your back pocket for a rainy day or something, becaue well I know your second question at this point is why?...WHy now right? Why after all this time, why of all the instances where we could have had this little meeting do I chose here and now? And yes it is my fault you lost to Valora this time, but that is kinda why I’m here now to make sure it don’t happen to us twice in a row! Because Johnny this is important! Where you go and what you do from here is paramount to yours…or our redemption!
LA Johnny Stylez: Redemption? Who the phuck says we need redemption?
Jason: Um me and all the spoken and unspoken laws that govern your very existence! Why do you exist?
LA Johnny Stylez: To be THE BEST! Not just one of them either…I wanna be the unchecked and
!!!!UnF’N CHALLENGED!!!!
LiKe IT OR NOT UNDENIABLE BEST TO EVER DO THIS SHIT!!!
…And hey I gotta hand it to us…So FaR So F’N GooD RIGHT?
Jason: Yeah sure…But see you can’t know where you are going till you know where you been! ANd we did some things a while back that have blemished our otherwise flawless record in big time situations.
LA Johnny Stylez: Please tell me you’re not talking about the time I gave Envy the NEW Championship, cause I mean I didn’t really have a choice, I was PCW Champ too and they said I couldn’t keep both! BELIEVE ME I TRIED!!! And well Envy was cRu and better give it to him then one of those d-bagz against us that deserved it less than Hunter Valentyne does to breathe the rest of our air!...Wait, real quick, I’m guessing Hunter has one of you right?
Jason: As a matter of fact he does!
LA Johnny Stylez: Oh my GOD, really? That’s phucking
!!!!H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S.!!!!!
YOU DoNT EVeN GoTTa TeLL ME IF HE IS A SCHMUCK CaUse I MEAN DUHHHHHHH
How someone can be that stupid is
Johnny/Jason: BEYOND ME! HA! JyNX…WHAT NO PHUCK YOU!
LA Johnny Stylez: K what about Valora? Is she hot in your world?
Jason: Uhhh I dunno I’m not really into dudes!
LA Johnny Stylez: GET THE PHUCK OUTTA HERE BRO NO WAY!!! I mean I guess it makes sense…What a TWAT! OK what about Blair?
Jason: Look if you ask me all the ?’s what are we gunna have to talk about next time?
LA Johnny Stylez: There’z gunna be a next time?
Jason: Who knows…Look K enough dickin around! NO the time with Envy isn’t the one I’m talking about. You know exactly what I’m referring to. We touched on it already when we stomped Bia NoBoDy’z ass right out of NEW!
LA Johnny Stylez: MANNNNNNN, I don’t wanna talk about that shit no more! It’s in the past. XXX and I played paper, rock, scissors for the NEW CHAMPIONSHIP! It’s cRin the past, what the phuck you wanna do about it now? Besides if what you’re telling me is true this is your fault way more than it is mine!
Jason: Not really, see I made the decision based on what you would do!
LA Johnny Stylez: No sir what I would have done was whoop his bald bitch ass from one side of the arena to the other! Especially after he came out there bragging about smashing Roger’s record…Phuck him and both of their records!
Jason: K then HoTSHOT, why didn’t you do it?...Let me guess you were ultimately OK with it becaue the record book indicated that he dropped the NEW title to you, and not the other way around? Plus he was cRu, plus it was an asshole thing for the DoN oF Di$Re$PeCT to do?...yeah yeah I KNOW BRO! But Im sittin here tellin ya what we did was FUBAR…FUCKED UP BEYONED ALL
LA Johnny Stylez: YEAH I GET IT!
Jason: NO I don’t think you do…FoRTuNaTeLy in this realm I can do anything…Like this watch!
Jason then reaches in his back pocket and removes a remote that has two buttons on it. He presses one and a large LED screen drops down. Jason then mashes the othr button and it brings us back to
NEW EDGE WRESTLING PPV
ISUNDAY 2011
MAIN EVENT
NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT/NEW X-Treme Championship
XXX(c) vs LA Johnny Stylez(c)
Tom Davis: Introducing first…well..Both of the champions in tonights main event. One is the longest reigning World champion in NEW history, he is the ICON Xavier Xannon Xanders! The other is the incomparable Xtreme champion, The Paragona of Americana LA Johnny Stylez! Together they are THE FEATURE PRESENTATION!!!!
Clark Benson: When was the last time you saw a champ and a challenger come to the ring at the same time?
Vince Walters: The last time I smelt a fix. Here it comes Clark…I should have known better.
Xavier and Johnny enter the ring, and right away the ICON grabs a mic from ringside and addresses the crowd.
XXX: Ladies and gentleman, yesterday I broke the record set by Roger Wright to become the longest standing World champion in the history of the NEW. Since Tension in Texas I have been unstoppable, and to borrow a phrase from Johnny it’s been YOUR pleasure. Tonight I defend my belt against a man who has been my worst enemy, and now he is one of my best friends…and no matter how much you would love to see us tear each other apart, it’s just not going to happen. The cRu will remain after this epic battle, and we will be stronger and more unified than ever. You got anything to add Mr. Stylez?
Johnny: Yeah, yall are about to SOAK SOME UP!
X hands the mic to Johnny, who responds in common form before dropping the stick and waiting for the bell.
Clark Benson: Here we go. There’s the bell and both men are looking up at the titles.
Vince Walters: And…both men just shot up their respective ladders! I knew having those set up before the match even started was odd.
Clark Benson: Xavier is going to pull down the Undisputed and Johnny’s grabbing the Xtreme! The fix is on!
Vince Walters: Wait…Johnny just knocked X’s hands off the undisputed title! We might have a match here after all folks.
Johnny glares at X shaking his head, and then holds out his fist on top of his palm. X does the same, smacking his hand with his fist at the same time as Johnny before throwing out scissors. Johnny counters with Rock, as Xavier shrugs reaching for the Xtreme title instead of the undisputed. On the count of three both men unlatch the titles, Johnny with the Undisputed and Xavier with the Xtreme.
Vince Walters: I want to be sick. After all of that…after defending the belt against all comers, Xavier just turned the title over to Johnny in a game of Rosh ambo.
Clark Benson: Not only that, but they pissed on the Xtreme title as well…So now we have 2 new champions, who are basically the old champions. This is like the Tag belts all over again. The cRu thinks they can just do whatever the hell they want.
Tom Davis: Here is your winners and NEW champions. Johnny Stylez the UNDISPUTED CHAMPION, and Xavier Xannon Xanders, the XTR….
Xavier slides from the ring snatching the mic from Tom Davis.
XXX: The new TRIPLE X-treme champion…fancy title belt to come soon.
Vince Walters: What a joke…a complete and utter joke. They’ve just made a mockery out of the main event of an NEW PPV, which they held ransom to start with.
Clark Benson: But…there is a light at the end of the tunnel as these 2 idiots celebrate. Here comes Jesse Styles.
Johnny and X feign being scared of the NEW’s owner, as Johnny holds his new Undisputed title high for the crowd to see!
LA Johnny Stylez: OK, like seriously do we really have to watch this shit all over again?
Jason: Bet your fucking ass YOU DO PoDNuH! Take a good look if you find it hard to watch now I regret to inform you it has always been hard to watch. The sheer hypocrisy of it all is almost maddening! That Title has been your life forever! But doing this, shit all over everything it and you claimed to have stood for. And that Johnny Stylez is why you, me WE need redemption! New Edge Wrestling is the one and only wrestling promotion that is left where you and everyone on the roster are free to be just themselves. The only true free place left in the entire business, and that my friend as you very well know is sad. These fucks running the game today are lazy half ass weaklings and well just as we did with New Edge once upon a time if you want to see change LA Johnny Stylez…that means what doggie?
LA Johnny Stylez: YOU GOTTA BE
~!!!~ THE GoT DaYuM CHaNGe~!!!~
…BRO WE JUST NAILLLLEDDDDDD IT!!!!!
UP TOP?
The two both look in the opposite direction of one another and then without missing a beat both shoot their hands in the air at the same time deievering what both of these men will always refer back to that time they gave and received THE LITERAL HIGHEST OF 5’z! …Yeah we are a bit dorky, but like ya know phuck yall we don’t care! Anyway
Jason: Point I need you to firmly grasp and think of literally nothing else moving forward is you take a good look at what you did here in the past and use that to guide you and NEW into another and hopefully it’s brightest future yet! It can be done sir, all the tools are there. Yeah the heard may have thinned a bit but there is enough in place for a more than soli jumping off point, and well once upon a time you did a whole lot more
!!!!!WiTH a WHoLe LoT LeSS!!!!!
…DoMeSTiK Di$TuRBaNCe 4 INSTANCE!!!
Cause ya know…
LA Johnny Stylez: He really is a phucking idiot!
Jason: HE REALLY IS MAN! I mean it’s insane! But fuck him, but speaking of phuck yous, who does the biggest one go to?
LA Johnny Stylez: Valora Salinas?
Jason: BINGO! Phuck her and everything she thinks she’s about which these days covers a pretty wide spectrum right?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah Ms. ImSOJeNNyFRoMTHeBLOCK is now all of a sudden trying to walk the straight and narrow in some kind of Scientology LiTe bullshit running around constantly calling me and anyone else she don’t like a BISH because her new owners…SoRRy I meant
!!!! “FRiEnDZ” !!!!!
…I mean OBVIOUSLY I MEANT HER OWNERS, BUT MEANT TO SAY FRIENDZ MY BAD SoRRy NoT SoRRy!!!
“WON’T LET HER”...Uhhh
!!!!PHUCK EVERY GRAIN OF THAT SHIT!!!!
SoMeOnE WHO LIVES THEIR LIFE THAT WAY IS NOT FIT TO LEAD ANYONE ANYWHERE UNLESS IT’S A MASS SUICIDE THEN IT WOULD BE ACCEPTABLE!!!
But outside of that, yeah I can’t agree with you anymore when I once again emphatically say with every knife tipped rudness I can muster when I say yes sir INDEED
!!!!!PHUCK VALORA SALINAS!!!!!
THAT HOE AINT SHIT!!!
And I’m sure she will take exception to me calling her a hoe, but I mean sure just because they don’t wear bright colored pin stripped suits, mink coats, carry canes, and put baby powder on their hands before they open palm slap you for talkin to DaDDy LiKe THaT In FRoNT oF CoMpNey” Doesn’t mean she isn’t presently being pimped out by whoever the present day David Koresh is running this sham. And for Valora Salinas to actively fall for something like this, proves she was NEVER…and LOOK I LITERALLY MEAN
!!!!!F’N NeVeR!!!!!
HaLF aS SMaRT As SHe ONcE PReTeNDeD TO BE!!!
Jason: Yup and she fell for it because she was looking for something to believe in…Meaning something was and probably still is missing. Her insults are weak as fuck, and watching her stomp and parade around like she is this model of strength and mental toughness is a JOKE!...ANd not a fucking funny one either!
LA Johnny Stylez: I dunno bruh I be laughing at that shit all the time! But maybe we just need to let others in on the joke because you know these days you really gotta explain the jokes to them sometimes, they aint nearly as quick as they used to be I’ll just put it that way and leave it at that!
Jason: Well Johnny, this was…This was fun, I mean of course it was. And look I could wipe your memory and make it to where you don’t recall any of this, but I’m not gunna do that becaue I need you to remember everything we talked about, everything you saw…Becaue how you act and carry yourself going for is of the upmost importance. You have spent your entire career insisting to any and everyone who would listen that you are the very hero they have been pleading for since Roger Wright won the first TerrorDoME…But you’ve always been the guy they hated to love and love to hate and there is REAL POWER in that brother, because when they have to respect you despite hating everything you, say, do, and think …outloud! That sir is talent it is the only kind of victory that we both know we deem as
!!!!!A.C.C.E.P.T.A.B.L.E.!!!!!
CaUse ViCTORy IS MuCH SWeeTeR WHeN IT’s F’N A.B.S.O.L.U.T.E.!
Right?
LA Johnny Stylez: So this is good bye then?
Jason: Yeah…Yeah I think so!
LA Johnny Stylez: Can I ask five questions?
Jason: Hmmmm how about two?
LA Johnny Stylez: NO FAIR! WHATEVER…OK, do you know who my mom is?
Jason: You really wanna know?
LA Johnny Stylez: YEAH PHUCKASS I ONLY HAVE TWO QUESTIONS AND THAT WAS MY FIRST ONE…YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU A PHUCKING PICTURE?
Jason: OK…THe answer is NO I have no idea! I figured that is better left unanswered, because if we knew who she was then we would have to include her in shit form time to time, and well a cunt who would do to you what she did doesn’t deserve any kind of spotlight ever, so piss on her as far as I’m concerned!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah she sounds like a SKANK anyway! Piss on her indeed!
Jason: OK…Last question CHAMP, make it a good one!
LA Johnny Stylez: You really think we can lead these mother phuckerz for real?
Jason: Yeah I do, first is first you have to always BEAT THEM AT THEIR OWN GAME, and MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO DO SO SOUNDLY! So then when they can’t compete with you in their game it makes changing the rules much easier! So dig in and fight every fight in the trenches and slowly most likely because these kids sure do love their misery these days, but you drag em kicking and screamin if necessary because if we don’t do something and do it relatively soon our game may join WCW in the past tense! And I really hate saying this outloud to you especially but no game…Means NO…
LA Johnny Stylez: BITE YOUR TONGUE! OK! I GET IT! HOLY SHIT, NEVER EVEN THINK THAT HORRID THOUGHT AGAIN! I MEAN WHAT THE PHUCK WOULD YOU EVEN DO WITHOUT ME? I mean this whole time I been low key kinda think of things from like your perspective and well if I was you I would love PRETENDING TO BE ME TOO! I MEAN they act like they can’t stand me, but that is actually NoN$eN$e cause they all know in addition to being the most direct, disrespectful, blunt person they’ve ever come across they also know that if nothing else LA Johnny Stylez is, was, and always phucking WILL BE a GooD…NO a
~$~ F’N GReaT TIMe ~$~
…AND I HAD TO KICK A WHOLE LOTTA BUTTZ TO MAKE IT SO, BUT HERE WE ARE!!!!
SO yeah you know!
Jason: Yeah here we are indeed! Now what you gunna do? And why is it so important you do it?
LA Johnny Stylez: Cause it’s everything! And we are gunna go into Tension in TeXas and whoop that mental CHILD VALORA SALINAS who is as delusional as she is LAME AS PHUCK! And finally step up to the plate and be what I was created to be!
Jason: Yeah now of course idiots like Hunter and anyone else who likes the low hanging fruit and they are gunna say you are starting to “go soft” but to pay things that deserve their due respect is not soft or weak in anyway. THat is what makes you giving it a big deal because you respect nothing and no one! Which should tell them everything they need to know about the things you do respect! I’m not asking or saying you need to change, because you keep being you the same way we have always been, in fact crank it up a notch or six maybe? But it is time that they recgonize that you are the leader and always have been! And the only way to get people to do anything in this world is if you what?
LA Johnny Stylez: MaKE EM!
Jason: YUP! SO if you are able to pull all of this off…If we can fight the tough ones and find ways to continue winning them, then not only will you lead NEW into it’s brightest future yet which is and always will be the goal, same as it always has been, but you will also put the memory of what yo…WE did at ISUNDAY so far in the rearview it will be all but forgotten! Because look I dunno how the shit with Valora is going to fall, she may beat us for all we know, but that is nothing but a set back,! This is the mission and phuck any and everyone who stands between us and the top of the stairway! What you are…WHO you are has never been more important than it is right now. We represent originality, passion, strength, love, and REAL…THose are the foundations this game were probably originally founded on and should be it’s governing principals! So hammer them as hard and directly as you can until they submit…YOU KNOW THE PROCCESS!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah you could say I’ve done it a time or 2…00(Two HunDReD MILLION BAGILLION!)
Jason: Aight Don, it was a PRiVLeaGe INDeeD!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Alright come over here and show me some love mother phucker! Ohhh wait before you go can I just say ONE more thing?
Jason: Yeah what ya got?
LA Johnny Stylez: Please know I have rarely said this out loud to anyone, so I want you to know that I say it with every single fiber of my being! THANK YOU….NO REALLY
!!!!THAAAANNNKKKKK YOOOOOUUUUUU!!!!
FoR THe PoRN STARS!!! I MEAN YOU’RE A GENIUS BRO! A MOTHER PHUCKING GENIUS!!!
OK now get the hell outta here so I can put this cunt in her place and get to gettin!
Jason: Later Johnny…Ohh and Johnny before I forget that conversation you had with Jesse…Happened, but at the same time it didn’t! It was where you were headed…So I’m kinda putting you back in and you won’t have spoken to Jesse since you lost on IGNITE! SO maybe DO BETTER than that first go round?
LA Johnny Stylez: PHUCK YOU…Aint you supposed to be the steering wheel?
Jason: BYE Johnny…Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!
LA Johnny Stylez: AInt that why you created me?
Jason: Yeah…guess it kinda is! Alright bruddah, see ya back at the top!
LA Johnny Stylez: AIGHT MAN BE COOL! PHUCK KADEN CEDRIK!
Jason: YUP RIGHT IN HIS STUPID FACE!
…ANd then I woke back up back in the ring with everyone in New Orleans strongly considering jumping the rail and doing what I’m finna do to Valora in the very near and clear! But I sat up and looked around and smiled! Man I love this shit I really do! So then I found the nearest camera man and DEMANDED he put it on me. I looked dead into it, and I said what I said directly to Valora Salinas, just as much if not more than everyone else when I mouthed that sweet and sexy TIMELESS CATCH PHRASE OF MINE…You know the one…the one where I tell phucksox like Valora Salinas to
!!!!!SoaK!!!!!
!!!!!SoMe!!!!!
!!!!!!!UP!!!!!!!
And with that LA Johnny Stylez stood up back up on his feet. Looked around and for once really stopped and took some of his own advice and listened to the adulation and warm reception from the one and only crowd on the planet that would ever cheer this man. He closed his eyes and points to them all as the roar goes from loud…to F’N LOUDER in no more than a few seconds. HE then opens his eyes and demands the time keeper give him his PROPERTY…THE NEW EDGE WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP BELT…He then with both hands proudly holds it above his head, and the fans here in the BiG Ea$y are all on their feet. Don’t worry he isn’t gunna cry like a bitch, but he will smile like the half goofy mother phucker he is. But take a good look kids, cause this is how it should be done, and should have been done this entire time…But don’t worry we’ll get yall right! Even if we gotta drag yall kickin and screamin..TIll then asshatz!!!
…It’s BeeN YOuR PLea$uRE!!!
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??