Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2013 20:12:57 GMT -6
“Bro are you kidding me? This is our chance to make a statement and that is always was we talked about. Now you are telling me to stay in the back? And you want Hazard out there with you? Do me a favor and explain why.”
Johnny runs his fingers through his blue streaked hair thinking of the right words to make me understand his reasons. He knew this would be a hard sell for someone like me. Hunter Valentyne is not exactly known for seeing things rationally. He searches his pocket looking for something.
“Listen to me Hunter and listen like you have never listened to me before. You were not around for the shit that happened with Pugh and Envy and Inkt and X and I in the cRu. This shit is personal with us. Even though you are my boy this had nothing to do with you. Giving Inkt the business is something I have to do on my own. I do not expect you to understand. What if one of your friends needed to be dialed in?”
Friends? What the hell does that word mean? He knows damned good and well that he is my only friend and the only human that could get me to play nice with the Mafia. He talked to me about it and he has this way of making people do things his way. He can be a maddening human being but this was what we had started in the WCF six months ago. Yes this goes farther back than most will ever know.
“We need to Neidhardt Pugh and Inkt and your ass knows it. This all started when you were hanging with Tommy Kain and talking to God Damned Goats and shit. I told you then what came next was for your own good. Now you are going to learn that I am not Ryan Pugh. I am not Inkt! I am Hunter God Damned Valentyne. I do not do shit just because your ass says so.”
Johnny finally grabs the box protruding from his pocket. He tends to smoke more when dealing with me. Many have said in the past that dealing with me is a pain in the ass. The same can be said about the man sitting in front of me. He is my best friend in the world and a man who believes in me like no one ever has. Often he makes me see things differently. That still does not mean I am his bitch or anything.
“Like I phucking said! I do not expect you to understand cRu business. Inkt was a big part of that as was Pugh. No outsiders can be in the middle of this shit.”
We are getting off track here. This is about us but out of respect for our friendship this is a request that shall be granted. Many people talk about all of their friends. Perhaps if gaining friendship from idiots was important this request would be denied. The fact of the matter is that Johnny is my only friend.
“I will let that shit slide. You want to do it yourself then go right ahead. You want to give Inkt the business then fine. You want me to get along with Hazard and Ray then fine. The reward is worth it. Because next week we get to beat the hell out of Envy and Inkt and take our belts back that we never lost. So considering that and the chance that I have to win Terrordome then everything is fine. Envy is going to get his ass kicked like he should have at World War X. Inkt is going to get the beating of his life. If my ass is a Johnny clone then I will give Inkty Boy the business like he has never felt before. Maybe he can actually shut his damned mouth and beat me for once.”
Johnny flashes me that smile that told me he thought we won even if he knows he had to compromise to get his way. Life with that infuriating man meant compromise. This was never easy but there was always a reward when I gave in. That is what made our team a success over the years and several tag team title wins.
As he walks away into the room walks Jesse Styles. He is getting ready to step into the ring with Ryan Pugh. As a matter of a fact his match is next and he wants a word with me. We had talked earlier in the day about a possible business deal to make more money from merchandise. He said we would talk about it later but I had assumed that time would not be minutes before he stepped into the ring with the Insane Icon. He was ready to talk.
“Hunter, I wanted you to know that I have listened to your reasoning about the third world sweat shop and selling the merchandise on location. It makes good business sense and I want you to check it out for me. There is a nice spot in Bangkok where I feel it would be perfect.”
HeHe Bangkok. Inkt could go off for days on that one statement. Unfortunately for Inkt this week he is not stepping into the ring with someone who gives a damn about being funny. When there is no music playing my ass don’t dance. He is going to learn that painful fact this week. Perhaps another set of dick and homo jokes will get the job done.
“So you want me to go to Thailand to set this whole thing up. This could not have anything to do with you wanting to get me out of the country so your boys can say anything they like about me when I am away?”
“Hunter, we buried that whole thing.”
“Yeah but do you really expect Hazard and Ray to shut their mouths? I know I do not. But I am a man of my word and I will do my best to be a good little team player. That starts next week When Johnny and I get our fucking property back and I have only one request.”
“And what would that be?”
“Stay the fuck out of my way. I do not Need Hazard, Ray or You coming to the ring to help us. We got this. Let us do what we do better than any tag team in the history of the free word and that is beat the ever living shit out of Inkt and Envy. It is not that I do not like you guys or that I do not trust you. It is that we simply…
“Do NoT PhUcKiNg NeEd It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“J I could not have said it better myself.”
“Attention all passengers we are beginning our descent into the picturesque city of Bangkok. Please make sure all electronic devices are shit off and you have returned to your seats. Thank you for flying with us here on the friendly skies.”
My slumber has been interrupted by the far too cheery voice of the flight attendant. We have been on this bucket of bolt for several hours and the regulation on smoking on an airplane has made my mood somewhat irritable. Of course this bitch talking to me like she has no problems in the world and all is well is not helping matter any. Johnny looks at me as if he had no sleep. Knowing mi amigo like I do makes me realize his old axiom is still in place. Johnny Stylez will sleep when he is dead. It is good to have my friend back as he was not what he had become.
“Hunter, I know what you are thinking. I know exactly what twisted thoughts are going through your mind. While you were in the middle of your beauty sleep, I found out that she does indeed like it in the ass. By the way you need another ten years of beauty sleep because you are way over phucking due. Now what the phuck did Jesse have in mind for this little Bu$ine$$ trip?”
It was something that my ass never thought I would see again. Johnny is back to his old self for the most part. It would have been nice to Neidhardt Pugh and leave him lying in a puddle of his own puke and piss like the old days. Sometimes in a friendship you take what you can get.
“Well do you know how a lot of major league teams sell their useless t shirts made before a final game? Kind of like the Indanapolis Colts made Super Bowl Champions right before your Saints gave them the business?”
“You bet you phucking ass I remember that game. My Got Damned Saints phucked that shit up. What is your damned point Hunter or do you have one?”
“Well a lot of Indianapolis Colts World Champion jerseys were made. They had to do something with them so they sent them to third world countries so those people too poor to buy clothes can wear a shirt. These losers do not care if they are wearing a shirt that never happened. So they ship them to a place like where we are headed.”
Johnny is wrapping his head around the concept but in the end he will not get the whole thing until he sees it with his own eyes. This is how he has been from day one. It is one of the things that drew us together.
“Okay so where are we going?”
“Jonnz we are going to the NEW Longshot Production company. Here they produce shirts that are likely never going to happen. Instead of shipping them off to America they are left here. Why both sending shit to the states that is never going to happen in a million years? It cuts down on the costs of shipping and they can be distributed immediately. I have a few shirts from post production to show you because I know you need to see them with your very own eyes.”
From my bag are a few of the latest shirts sent to me from the Longshots Production Company. The first one is pulled out of the bag and it is black with white writing. The words Al Envy Show Stealer are on the front of it. Johnny looks confused but he really should not be.
“Hunter, Envy is actually the show stealer.”
“The only time that ass hat has stolen a show was when I carried him to it. How often does his over rated ass actually steal a show anymore? You said it yourself, brah. He is Al Almost and not even close to being a show stealer. He almost lost to that second rate piece of crap Jake Youngblood for Christ Sakes.
“Hunter, you need to show at least a little respect for Al. I mean he did retain his TA title against you at World War X.”
“He didn't beat me j. But we will continue this later.”
The plane has come to a halt. The men and women are hurriedly moving to the front of the plane as we wait for them to make their way to the front. We are really in no hurry to leave the plane as Johnny winks at the stewardess he banged earlier while my ass was asleep. He runs his fingers through his blue hair as we are the last ones off of the plane.
We make our way off of the plane without Johnny getting busted for weed. He learned his lesson from Germany and decided not to smuggle it in his brown eye. It helped when I reminded him that Thailand has some good shit. He also remembers the feeling of that baggy up his ass and did not wish to repeat that debacle. We all know Inkty Boy was jealous and not of the ass kicking he was soon to receive.
We got off the plane and there was a six year old kid with an older kid standing beside him. It appeared they were waiting for us to come off the plane. Unlike last week there were not any dickhead signs waiting for me. The older kid appeared to be in the lead and walked to me. He began speaking in an American accent.
“Uncle Hunter and Uncle Johnny it is good you came to see us. We are very proud of our work here in Bangmekok.”
“Bangmekok?”
“Uncle Huntuh I do not swing that way. Now if you will come with us we got a way to get you to our playhouse.”
“Playhouse?”
“Hell no you sick freak I am not playing house with you. “
“God Damn it!”
Johnny was getting a kick out of this. The kid was giving me the business and Johnny could not stop laughing. He was barely able to breathe as he waited for the next one. He slapped me in the back of the head as he spoke to the three of us.
“Dood you are getting taken to school by a ten year old. This is some funny ass shit.”
“Look you little fuck mook take me to where you are taking us and be quick about it. I grow weary of these bullshit games.”
The six year old kid begins speaking to us. He says one thing and one thing only and it is about as annoying as shit. It was the same shit over and over again This was making me highly irritable.
“Lost and Found wants Lunchbox!”
Johnny and I look at each other and wonder if that was who the fuck we think it was. Did we just find Chris Styles’ little bastard crack head son? That could not be the same mother fucker who was actually related to Johnny.
“Me want lunchbox!”
The older kid point to his ride out from of the airport and it is not exactly what we had in mind. It looks like Inkt’s thoughts on Johnny losing his cars were right. We were going to be transported from the airport on a bicycle with a cart following behind it. We both look at each other with the same look as Envy had when Johnny and I handed the last so called greatest tag team ever the worst defeat of their lives. It was a look of total defeat just as it was when we killed off The Verge of Greatness.
“You have got to be phucking kidding me. I am not getting into that thing.”
“J, do you see any cars around here?”
“NO!”
“Well it is either get into that pile of shit or walk. I would suggest riding with the skinny little bitch pedal our asses to this fucking place.”
“PHUCK!”
Johnny has a look of total dejection kind of like the one when Al Envy tried to beat Johnny two different times and got his ass beaten like he owed The Don of Disrespect money. Johnny was beaten like Al is every time he steps into the ring with someone not a jobber. It is like Inkt stepping into the ring with me anytime. He always seems to get his bitchy like dick and gay joke loving ass kicked. It is the look five minutes after they are smashed into pieces after our match when they ask what fucking train hit them. That my friends is the look of total and utter defeat.
We take our seat in the little cart that is going to take us via pedal power to the factory that the longshot merchandise is made. As the ten year old kid begins to pedal he yells back at us. We could barely hear him over the hustle and bustle of one of America’s largest cities.
“Me want Lunchbox!”
“You like our new shirts?”
A chuckle escapes my lips as the kid trying his damnedest to pedal his ass to our location is wearing an Al Envy 2012 World Champion shirt. It has him scoring a pin fall victory of Johnny on the front of it. We damned sure know that is a long shot considering their long and storied history of Johnny beating his ass. Johnny found this one funny as well.
“Al Almost beating me is damned sure a long shot if history is any indicator…”
“J, do I feel a rant coming?”
“You bet your phucking ass there is rant coming. Every time Al Envy has had a chance to step up to the plate and play with the big boys he came up sorter than Inkt did with Scarlet Styles. Rumor has it he was not even long enough to hit the spot if you know what I mean. No wonder I kicked him in the nuts. Her is lucky I did not Curtain Jerk him or Insult to Injury him but he heeded to be whole for the ass kicking we are about to give him. “
“ME want Lunchbox!”
“Inkt and Envy are going to learn what it feels like when they lose to the greatest tag team in the history of the free phucking world. They are fine when someone is there to tell them what the phuck to do. It is another story when they are the lead dog. The show Slower and the Backdoor bitch of War are about to get their curtain jerked big time. And when we both insult that Injury it is all over. So do the world a favor and soak that shit up!”
“Does AL remember what happens when he steps to Domestik Disturbance for the World Tag Titles? Last time he tried that shit we ended the run of the as called greatest tag team in history and stamped that shit on our resume. No one has done anything to disprove that to me or to you, Hunter. As I recall we phucking slapped the shit out of them. The same thing is going to happen only with a different partner who we also slapped the shit out of.”
“J”
“Phuck off Hunter I am ranting for a minute. Inkt, do you remember the beating you got the last time you stepped into the ring with us? It makes the little kick in the nuts you are crying about seem like a sweet ass lullaby. Do you remember that your blood stained the mat when the business was formed which eventually turned into the Got Damned cRu? Do you remember…?”
“Me want lunchbox!”
“Sweet Jesus do you ever shut the fuck up? Jesus we have been here for twenty damned minutes.”
“Phuck off bitch!”
The kid pedaling the bicycle is suiting on the grass totally spent. His hands are laced behind his head and sweat is pouring from his forehead making his black hair mat to his forehead. He looks up at us and asks a simple question.
“What the hell did you guys eat? I have pedaled twice that much and never gotten tired. Damned it was like you had rocks in your pockets or something. How in the hell did you make that shit so difficult.
Johnny and I answer at the same time with a point like two little kids. The boy is looking at us for our response and he begins to laugh.
“Me want lunchbox!”
“His EGO!”
The little kid begins laughing harder at the two of us as he shows us our way to the factory. We are walking behind the kid looking at some of the shirt. The one that caught my eye was one that told the entire story on the front of the building we were soon to walk into. We both looked at each other and laughed as we read to large words.
“8 Bit World Tag Team Champions 2014.”
“And someone get that kid a lunchbox!”
Game over bitches