Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2013 15:45:45 GMT -6
I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but to quote Vince Walters...
!!"THERE IS NOTHING LIKE WHEN A PLAN COMES TOGETHER IT'S SUCH AN AMAZING FEELING"!!
...The Man May Be HALF RETARDED, But Even I Have TO Admit I Couldn't Have Said IT BETTER MYSELF..
Ahh who the phuck am I kiddin...
!!!!OF COURSE I COULD SAY IT BETTER!!!!
And I PRoBaBLy WiLL BeFoRe THIS IS ALL SAID AND DONE WITH!!!
Yet point being that after once again keeping my word to the NEW faithful, in giving them an evening to where they would once again bear witness to a certain chain of events that woud forever impact and change the course of New Edge Wrestling history, and after leaving that muscle bound super fuggin side kick Inkt layin in a pool of his own stupidity and drool I have to say that I most definitley agree with NEW's dim witted and almost half retarded color commentator Vince Walters in the sense that this was most definitley an amazing feeling. One I haven't felt in so very long. So incase there are any of you out there right now wondering if I feel bad in the slightest bit for turning my back on someone who I once considered to be one of my best friendz, the answer is a simple and firm
!!!!ABSOLUTLEY F'N NOT!!!!
...AND REALLY..WHY THE PHUCK SHOULD I???
Why should I feel bad or regret for doing what I was put on this Earth to do? Why should I feel bad for once again giving wrestling fans all around the world another reason to tune into Ignite each and every single week? Why should I feel bad for making an impact that sent a shockwave through the entire NEW locker room. For those of you that tuned into the Chris Styles show eariler in the week heard the majority of the NEW locker room preparing for WAR, which is a good thing because that my friends is
!!!!PReCi$Ley WHaT THE PHUCK THey ARE IN FOR!!!!!
AND THAT IS JUST AS MUCH A THREAT AS IT IS A GOT DAMN
!!!!!P.R.O.M.I.S.E.!!!!!
...And The PaRaGoNa of AMeRiCaNA IS A MAN OF HIS WORD...Mo$T OF THE TIME ANYWAY!!!
But getting back to the whole regret thing for a moment, why should I feel bad for going back home? Why should I feel regret for going back to my own
~$~ F.A.M.I.L.Y. ~$~
IT IS AFTER ALL THE STYLES MAFIA!!!!
And the Styles Mafia is where it all started, before there was a cRu or a Bu$iNe$$, or even The Lords of Chaos, MYSELF, Jesse, and Hazard started something damn near two decades ago that has symbolized and embodied power, dominance, and the elite as far as this business was concerned and with a few additions such as my original partner in crime and soon to be once again TAG TEAM Champion partner Hunter Valentyne, as well the brightest and most lethal up and coming star on the NEW roster in Ray Andrews we are well on our way to once again reestablishing the Styles Mafia as the most destructive, lethal, and elite Unit in all of professional wrestling. So yeah NEW, it's time you asshat's suit the phuck up because you're got damn right
!!!!!THERE'Z A F'N WAR COMIN!!!!!
AND AS OF IGNITE 148 IT'S RIGHT ON YOUR GOT DAMN DOOR STEP!!!
And the amazing thing about it all, was that all it took for all the pieces to fall into place was one swift and stern kick right to the nuts. And I say that's amazing because in one move I not only kicked Inkt in the nuts, but I kicked this entire got damn company in the nuts, and left each and every single one of you on your knees in a serious amount of pain gasping for air. The NEW locker room is in chaos, while we are patiently plotting our next move. And with PHASE OnE of our perfectly executed plan completed we are prepared to move onto bigger and better things, which just for the sake of continuity we will call it
!!!PHaZe MoTHeR PHuCKiN 2!!!!
Which OF COURSE IS TO ESTABLISH DOMINANCE!!!
And with the NEW World Heavyweight Championship already in the fold it's up to YOURZ TRULY, and my partner in crime Hunter Valentyne to send the next message to those in the NEW locker room who are runnin around all hyped up and excited over the prospect of going to WAR, that they may be in over their heads, and that it's going to take a lot more than their excitiment to bring this giant down! And we are going to accomplish that by going out and doing what we have always done and that is prove that hands down without question
~!!$!!~ DoMe$TiK DI$TuRBaNCe ~!!$!!~
IS THE GREATEST TAG TEAM IN THE HISTORY OF THIS F'N BuSiNeSS!!!
And we are going to do that by walking down to that ring and showing just how outmatched those two phuck mooks who currently hold OUR NEW Tag Team TItles truly are! But make no mistake about this one ladies and gentlemen because this Main Event Tag Team Title match goes way beyond any personal vendettas the four of us may have for each other, because once again this is all just another part of the Styles Mafia's plan to make sure that New Edge Wrestling returns to it's rightful place at the very top of the world of professional wrestling! And from where we are sitting one of the first items on the agenda were to rescue OUR Championship Titles from the phuck mooks who currently hold them that make this company look like the bingo hall promotion it was before we got a hold of it!
Which is precisley why Jesse Styles did what he did during the Main Event last week when he got involved after the snooze fest between Valora and Colt came to an end. And that ladies and gentlemen is how you know we are hands down above the rest because we have an owner who gives the fans what they want and need regardless of if they realize it or not! Because while My Cousin's complaint box is full this week from all those over grown cry baby asshats in the back who are pissed because we took matters into our own hands and took care of business in our own way. All Jesse really did was remove THE MOST PRESTEGIOUS TITLE IN THE GOT DAMN WORLD from two competitors who had no business competing for it in the phucking first place and put it around the waist of someone who has proven time and time again that he could do what Valora and Colt couldn't do on their best days COMBINED...and THAT MY FRIENDS IS
!!!!!D.R.A.W.!!!!!
AND I AINT TALKIN ABOUT WITH A PENCIL EITHER!!!!
Having an asshat like Colt as the New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion was like having Avalanche or David Hart as the World Champion, and well as the history books tell us the only reason those two phuck mooks ever got their curtian jerking mits around that title in the first place is the same reason Colt wound up with a title shot and the belt in the phucking first place and that is ONLY BECAUSE at the time
!!!!THERE SIMPLY WASN'T ANYONE ELSE AROUND!!!!
BuT THaT AiNT EXaCTLy THe Ca$E AnyMoRe NoW IS IT???
...And the only reason I bring that up is because it is that exact UnFoRTuNaTe SiTuATiON that has befallen what once was and will very soon once again be the most prestegious Tag Team Titles the world of professional wrestling has ever known in the coveted NEW Tag Team Titles that are currently being held hostage by two of NEW's biggest disappointments, who refer to themselves as 8 Bit for the time being, but after Ignite reaches an end this week it won't make a phucking difference what they or anyone else calls them because the only thing they will be able to refer to them two as is the
!!!!FoRMER TAG TEAM CHAMPIONZ OF THE WORLD!!!!
As THey Will BE DEFEATED AND REPLACED BY THE RIGHTFUL OWNERZ OF THOSE GOT DAMN BELTZ!!!
A team who has won Tag Team TItles all over the world a team that took those titles and brought tag team wrestling in NEW back from the dead and put them in the Main Event SPOT! The team who defined Tag Team Wrestling in NEW for almost two phucking years! And finally the TEAM that will do it
!!!ALL F'N OVER AGAIN!!!
WHen We ENd THIS JOKE OF A REIGN BY TWO JOKES OF PRO WRESTLERZ!!!
Al Envy and Inkt, two of the most well known and historied side kicks in the history of New Edge Wrestling. Sure they both have impressive rap sheets, as it is arguable and even a bit of truth in the fact that both of them are counted amongst the select few of us that built this phucking company. And even though they have accomplished a considerable and commendable amount at the end of the day when you try and compare them to someone like...Hmm I DoN'T KNow...
!!$!! ME !!$!!
YOU FIND THAT THEY SIMPLY DO NOT COMPARE AT ALL!!!
A point that I have proven more than once already, but a point I have no problem with and actually CANNOT PHUCKING WAIT TO PROVE ONCE MORE! Because as I stated eariler as this passed Sunday Night when Ignite went off the air for the first time since I've been back I finally feel like my old self again. I feel like I'm back on top of the phucking world and there is literally nothing and no one that can stop me and the rest of the Mafia from taking what is rightfully ours while putting this company back on the got damn map in the process!
Throw all yours verbal jabs all you'd like dip shits, but love him or hate him Hunter Valentyne and I are
!!!!2ND-2-F'N N.O.N.E.!!!!!
When It Comes To THE BUSINESS OF TAG TEAM WRESTLING!!!
Sure much like everyone else I have been around in this business he and I have had more than our fair share of disputes, arguments, and confrontations but now enough time has gone by and once again The Myth Killer and Myself have put those differences aside and are ready to once again take this company and the Tag Team Division by storm and force each and every single one of you phuckin MORONZ who seek to offer yourselves up as opposition against us, either on your cocksucking knees or flat on your fuggin backs, which ironically enough is the exact two places
!!!!AL ALMOST'S WiFe EnDeD UP ARoUND ME!!!!
...And HoNeSTLy AL, IF SHE WERE STILL ALIVE SHE COULD TELL YOU I'M GOOD FOR LONGER THAN 30 SeCoNDZ!
But it's ok homie you probably just got those times confused with the length of both your World TItle Reigns...I'm just sayin...And ya know now that I think about it, either on your knees or flat on your back is where you always end up when you cross me as well, which I gotta be honest when I tell ya it makes me feel a little less like an asshole this time around because at least by now you're probably
!!!!F'N UsED TO IT!!!!
BeCaUse MaKe No MiSTaKe ABoUT IT ASSHAT, ONCE AGAIN DoMe$TiK DI$TuRBaNCE WiLL BE THe OnEZ WHO STEAL THE GOT DAM SHOW FROM THE SHOW STEALER!!!
So keep on watchin NEW fans, because it's gunna be a mother phuckin BLOOD BATH! It'll be beautiful! But before this new era of New Edge Wrestling's greatness can truly begin there are but a few more loose ends that need tying up, and dethroning those two phuck mooks is at the tip top of that list. SO say what you will about the Styles Mafia as most of you already have and will continue to do so, but the one thing you phuck mooks and imbeciles need to get through your thick phucking skulls is that you may not like our methods, and quite frankly I can't say I blame you as a lot of our methods come at your expense. Yet despite all that we do what we do and we did what we have done to accomplish what you asshats couldn't do on your own, and that is make this company the single greatest wrestling promotion in the WORLD! And like it or not NEW will never be that as long as SideKICK ONE and SIDEKICK TWO are the World Tag Team Champions.
And at the end of the day either way you look at it, The Styles Mafia, more specifically in this case DoMeSTiK DiSTuRBaNCe is New Edge Wrestling's
!!!!NeCeSSaRY E.V.I.L.!!!!!
Because ADMIT IT OR NOT NEW HAS AND ALWAYS WILL NEED US!!!
And I can sit here and honestly say that because look at the shit shape this company was in before we did what we did this past week. What has always seperated US from the rest of you bottom feeding asshats is that at the end of the day while most of you sit there and talk about saving or putting New Edge back on the map, one thing that each member of the Mafia does exceptionally well is put foot to ass and not only talk about it, but we phucking do it as well. SO bottom line incase there are a few of you (which I don't doubt one got damn bit) who aren't pickin up what I'm layin down is that the reason New Edge Wrestling needs DomestiK DisturbancE and the Styles Mafia is because unlike most of you we are actually capable of
!!!!TaKiNG CaRE OF Bu$iNe$$!!!!
Which MosT oF THE TIMe INVoLVeZ GiViNG YOU The BuSiNeSS
Which is why you hate us, but that's fine, but when this war reaches the same result as it always does don't come crying to us or anyone else asking why, because you know why! Case and point look at this past Ignite. Hazard, Ray Andrews, Hunter Valentyne, Jesse Styles, and The PaRaGoNa OF AMeRiCaNA accomplished more and made a bigger impact in
!!!!ONE GOT DAMN NIGHT!!!!
THAN EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU HAVE IN THE FEW MONTHS THAT WE HAVE BEEN OPEN FOR BUSINESS!!!
ANd they say good things come to those who wait, and ohh how Hunter and I have waited for this moment, this opportunity to once again take our place at the top of the Tag Team World. An opportunity I used Inkt to get. But we'll get to that later because unfortunatley as of this moment there are other matters that require my attention, as we were called upon by The BoSS, THe NEW World Champion and Owner to do what we do best which is take care of BuSiNeSS inside and outside of the ring. ANd who does he send to do it? None other than the duo he know he can't count on, especially when it comes to the jobs that require us getting our hands dirty.
So while Hunter and I sit and literally count down the hours until we reassume our position as NEW Tag Team Champions at least Jesse gave us something to do to kill time, as he sent us on what was seemingly a dead end trip to Bangkok to tour the LONGSHOT distribution company that Jesse set up to get rid of all the NEW Merchandise that we couldn't use due to various reasons. For the past four years Jesse has used this company as tax write off as he did his part playing the humanatarin role by literally giving away this shit we couldn't sell even if we phucking gave it away, but after talking to his accountant and numerous financial advisors Jesse was forced to accept what he always knew, or should have known considering I have been telling him from the moment I found out about this live operating shit stand, is that it's more trouble than it's worth.
Jesse of course never made any trips out here, because well why would he? I mean how many billionaires go to the places where they are literally throwing phucking money away. But much like what Hunter and I had to accomplish out in the ring this week on Ignite this little trip to this wonderfully named yet over populated and disgusting city was necessary. Because even though I was a bit skeptical about why he wanted us to come out here in the first place due to the reasoning he gave us I knew there was something more to it than the original reasons he gave us, because well it's not like we were his financial advisors and rightfully so because you mother phuckers don't even wanna know what I'd do with NEW finances if I were in charge of them.
But as usual I had my own personal agenda for coming out here as I came out here to retrieve something I had Jesse keep out here for me for safe keeping. I came out here to retrieve something that would once again alter the course of very many people in the NEW locker room's careers, ONE main person in particular, but more on that in just a bit.
Because it wasn't until Hunter and I actually walked through the doors of this literal money toilet that I was made aware of what THe BoSS actually wanted us to do, which made much more sense. Because he knew good and got damn well there was nothing here that would help NEW turn a profit with the execption of the one thing I came here to get. SO as I reached into my pocket to read the text message Jesse just sent to me I was over come with joy and releif! And as I read the new orders from the boss I could feel my lips curving to a grin that stretched from ear to ear, as I looked up and saw Hunter looking at me, and he already knew without me saying a word what was up.
Hunter Valentyne: Let me guess, change of plans?
LA Johnny Stylez: OHHHH YEAH!
Hunter Valentyne: I figured, I don't know why that cue ball mother fucker couldn't have just told us that shit from jump street, instead of wasting our fucking time going through all this crap like we've been doing for the last few hours!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well Hunter it is us! He knows good and got damn well with our Tag Title shot just around the phucking corner if we didn't have something to occupy our time the chances of us doing something that would make Al Almost, and NEW's favorite Cabanna Boy, or anyone and everyone else in the NEW cry like little bitches they are was more than likely! The rest of New Edge might not know it yet, but he knows good and got damn well that DomestiK DisturbancE is back and that is bad mother phuckin news for anyone and everyone in NEW that don't run with The Styles MaFia!
Hunter Valentyne: Which they would if you would have let me come down to the ring during Jesse's match!
LA Johnny Stylez: Are we still on this DooD?...SeRiouSLy?
Hunter Valentyne: You're got damn right we are! That was supposed to be our moment, to let each and every last one of those asshats from the J-BRONES all the way up to the alleged Main Eventers that their time in the spot light was coming to a sudden and abrupt end! That would have been the perfect moment to let New Edge in on our little secret that we had been keeping for months, that NEW was FUCKED!
LA Johnny Stylez: OK I will give you that MyTh KiLLA, it would have been a great time to do that. But I honestly think that the best moment to send that mesge is this week!
Hunter Valentyne: I would ask you if you were high but that would be like asking Inkt if he likes the feeling of dick in his ass. So we will skip all that and let you get to the part where you explain to me how this week is better for DomestiK DisturbancE to remind New Edge Wrestling that their worst fucking nightmare has returned than last week when we pulled off another history making swerve! And don't give me any of that it was personal crap, because come on!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well that was a bit true, but think of it this way BRoHaM...Yeah like I said I admit last week would have been very impactful if you would have been there, but this week is much better trust me...Because think about it this way, last week was about The Styles Mafia and us proving to them that they don't know jack shit about what was going on. While we had them thinking the Mafia was on the verge of implosion it allowed us to pull the wool over their eyes and kick them all right in the got damn balls! BUT THIS WEEK, you and I make our much awaited and very much anticipated return to the Tag Team Division and after almost two years at being at each others throats we pick up right where we left off without seemingly missing a beat and we dethrone those two unworthy ass goblins who are tarnashing what we busted our and a lot of other people's asses to build up! And not only that but we do it where it has the most IMPACT, DomestiK DisturbancE makes our redebut where we belong in the GOT DAMN
~$~ M.A.I.N. E.V.E.N.T. ~$~
...So HoW YA LiKe THEM APPLEZ HuNTA???
Hunter Valentyne: Well I'll admit most of the time I hate it when you are right especially in situations like these, but when you put it like that it makes perfect sense. Those two bit jerk offs have no fuggin idea what they got comin when we climb in the ring on Ignite!
LA Johnny Stylez: OF COURSE IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE! Well at least it makes more sense then banging Hazard's sister and then telling him about it a few days before World War X!
Hunter Valentyne: Hey FUCK YOU! I was trying to UnLeash THE MONSTER within him. Because you know just as well as I do that an angry and motivated Hazard is practically unstoppable!
LA Johnny Stylez: I couldn't agree with you more and while your head is in the right place mi amigo you should know that if you're gunna get that monstorous mother phucker angry it's best if he is angry at the right people. Now come on brah it's me you are talking to here, there is something else to that!
Hunter Valentyne: WHAT?...OK, FINE...You know me Johnnz, I was in the strip club and well she yanks my dick out my pants and starts sucking like the cure to herpes was in there! And well...Who is gunna say no to that?
LA Johnny Stylez: HAHAHAA, speaking of herpes you did get yourself checked after that right?
Hunter Valentyne: You bet your ass I did! Clean as a whistle some how, I was actually shocked because ya know it wasn't exactly the cleanest strip club I've ever been to...
LA Johnny Stylez: YOU DON'T SAY!
Hunter Valentyne: I know right, but look enough about that shit, we're all on the same page now and I don't know about you but I'm ready to get back and regain what is rightfully ours! And I'm damn sure ready to settle the score with Al ALMOST...The fucking asshat walked away with his title at World War X on a technicality but he is running around acting like he beat me! And it's time to set the mother fuckin record straight, and it's most definitley time to releave him of some of that gold that you and I both know he has no business carrying!
LA Johnny Stylez: PHUCK EM! Let him enjoy the few fleeting moments he has left in the lime light because now that we have shown that everyone in the Mafia is on a united front it's time to show them what we are capable of, because as long as we all work together just like when you and I work together as a UNIT we are unphuckin touchable! And this week it's up to us to lead the way. We need to be the ones to set the standard and example for the rest in the Mafia to let them know that last week was only the phucking beginning! Last week we might have got the jump on them, but we need to make sure everyone in New Edge Wrestling knows that we aint afraid to take the fight right to them!
Hunter Valentyne: Yeah which is why I really wish you would have let me come down to the ring, and at least help Jesse clean Pugh's clock!
LA Johnny Stylez: NO! I made it clear that whatever happened between Jesse and Pugh was between them, as far as what I did out there was between Inkt and Me. Pugh belongs with us and he knows it, but you know how got damn stubborn he is! So I gave him a week to think about it, and sooner rather than later reality will set in like it always does and he will accept that as much as he hates it, he knows I'm right and that running around with NEW's favorite Bi-SeXuaL beanie wearing
!!!!B.I.A.T.C.H.!!!!
IS ONLY GUNNA DRAG HIM DOWN IN THE END!!!
Because just like this little tag team with Al Envy, Inkt and his career has been one long joke! And getting back together with Inkt and trying to do Tat n Fat is pointless because well after this week we will be The NEW Tag Team Champions and the both of them know good and got damn well that the chances of Tat n Fat wearing Tag Team Gold in a division dominated by DomestiK DisturbancE is as likely as Jesse making money off of these crap t-shirts! Bottom line I know you and Pugh have your differences but trust me when I tell ya, he will come to the realization sooner or later that running with Inkt is a dead phucking end! Let's just hope for his sake he realizes that before Ignite. Because if he doesn't I promise you he will get phucking trampled like everyone else...ANd I will personally see to it!
Hunter Valentyne: I guess we'll see. But speaking of these t-shirts I mean look at this crap. I mean some of this shit isn't even funny...ANd the sad thing is most of these crap t-shirts are AL Envy t-shirts!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah but just like this entire building, AL Envy is without question the worst investment Jesse has ever made in NEW. I mean he brought Envy in to take me out, which he has never even come close to doing...And eventhough he may say different, the truth is something AL Almost avoids at every got damn turn!
Hunter Valentyne: That's because only two things ever come out of Al Envy's mouth, and that's drunken jibberish and BULLSHIT! The guy is an overrated joke. I mean since it's just me and you here yeah I'll admit on paper he may have accomplished a good bit, but in reality the guys a joke. Why he even brings up the fact that he is a two time World Champion just makes me laugh! His second reign was so short it took more time for you to walk to the ring take the belt off and hand it to him than he did actually holding it!
Both Hunter and I share a laugh at the expense at AL Almost as I then begin digging through the boxes of shirts that never saw the day light of NEW Merchandise stands, and as I go through them I find it funny that most of these flawed and unusable shirts ironically are Al Envy t-shirts. Then as I get to the bottom of the final box I find one that sums AL Envy up to a tee (SEE WHAT I DID THERE)....I can barley hold the laughter in as I hold it up for Hunter to see...
LA Johnny Stylez: If anyone wants to know the real AL ALMOST they should just spend ten or fifteen minutes in this got damn warehouse...But check this out DooD...I found a shirt that says it all right here...I mean dood...This takes pathetic to a whole new meaning...
Hunter Valentyne: Ohh come the fuck on you have got to be kidding me!
LA Johnny Stylez: I wish I was...I REALLY DO
I then unfold the shirt and hold it so Hunter can see it perfectly as it is an AL ENVY..."BEST IN THE WORLD" t-shirt...And when I say BEST IN THE WORLD T-SHIRT I mean that...The only difference between this one and the one you find on WWE merchandise stands all over the country is the fact that it's green and has Envy's name on it instead of CM Punks. I mean it's got the taped up hand holding the bolt of lighting and everything. Then the laughing stops as I look at this worthless piece of shit and just shake my head as this just isn't even funny...I mean it is, but its really more sad than anything.
Hunter Valentyne: Yup, and this coming from a guy who is trying to tell us how to be creative!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah and you gotta love the fact that he had the audacity to try and tell us how to cut a promo...But not only that that phuckin moron, sit there and tried to say that we win our matches by the way we cut our promos, and then of course he ignores that the only reason he walked out of his title match with you with his title is because time expired, and well never mind the fact that the reason we didn't get our first glimpse of "UNITED" until the Ignite after World War X was because they didn't even qualify for the event...ANd I forget why wasn't UNITED a part of World War X?
Hunter Valentyne: Ohh yeah, I think it's because
!!!!YOU HANDED HIM HIS FUCKING ASS!!!!
...AGAIN!!!
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh yeah...That's right...Best IN The World HuH? And then that jerk off wants to try and mock our promos saying we go out of our way to make them elaborate like XXX used to...I still don't know what our promos have to do with anything but...
Hunter Valentyne: This coming from a guy, who ends every single one of his promos by saying that he's...BETTERTHANu...Now I was not a member of The cRu or anything, but I'm pretty sure that before you guys adopted that as yalls catch phrase that was X's shit...But right we are the ones who need to be creative!
LA Johnny Stylez: Please if our matches were decided by our promos then all Al ALmost did this week and any other damn week he faces either of us is prove that just like in the ring
!!!!We'D WASH HIS STOOPID ASS!!!!
It's PATHETIC MAN...SO GOT DAMN PATHETIC!!!
Hunter Valentyne: Ohh, man Johnny look at this fuckin shirt man...You probably won't find this as funny as I do, but check this shit out...
Hunter reaches into a box and pulls out a black t-shirt that does hit kinda close to home...It's from Stable Wars one year ago...We (the cRu) were so got damn sure we were gunna win that damn match we went ahead and had the t-shirts printed and everything. Which who could blame us because well there was a one in a million chance we didn't win that match and that one in a million's name is...drum roll please.....AL ENVY....SURPRISE SURPRISE...However the reason Hunter pulled this shirt up suprisingly enough wasn't to mock Al, even though this shirt's existence is a mockery of the man who calls himself the Show Stealer but hasn't stolen a show since...Well we don't have that kinda time...But anyway, as Hunter holds up the shirt the smile comes back across my face as we see the original members of the cRu who were the ones who participated in that match...In the front was Myself, XXX, Ryan Pugh, and even AL Envy...Yet in the back, almost faded out was none other than the man who stole the opportunity to compete for the World TItle at Kamikaze, yup you guessed it none other than THe Back Door Man of War Inkt himself.
Hunter Valentyne: Damn dude, it's sad when even the fuckin t-shirt guy knows you are just one of the "out of focus guys"
LA Johnny Stylez: OnE OF THeSe ThInGS JuSt DoEzN'T BeLoNG HeRe!!!!
Johnny/Hunter:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh JESUS DooD check this shit out!
I then reach into the box and remove another black t-shirt out and there is a shilouette pic of Ryan Pugh's face, as you see nothing but the long hair and the bear and on top of, on the side and on the bottom of his face is the phrase
"BEAT ME IF YOU CAN....SURVIVE IF I LET YOU."
LA Johnny Stylez: Ya know what....I'm not even gunna provide commentary on this one...This just says it all right there!
Hunter Valentyne: WOW...Some of this shit...JUST WOW!!!
Hunter and I spend the next few moments looking over some of the most assanine, ridicilous, and worthless t-shirts that thankfully never made it to NEW merchandise stands. NEW has been the pinnacle in pro wrestling but this warehouse was living proof that it wasn't all good times as we much like any company have had our fair share of ups and downs, success and desperate and horrid failures...And just to keep things moving here, here is a brief list of some of the
!!!!!CRAP-OLA!!!!!
THAT NEVER SOLD, AND THAT WE CAN HARDLY GIVE AWAY TO THESE 3rd WORLD BangKoK PHUCK MOOKS...
DomestiK DisturbancE Top15 Worst T-SHirts Ever Made
1. Al Envy Best In The World
2. THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR TWILIGHT- Dwayne Mattais
3. BLACK ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING-BLACK ELVIS
4. Matt Slater Silver Knight T-Shirt (Matt Slater wearing armour with a sword standing in front of Queen Vanessa sitting on a throne)
5. The Josh Cole T-shirt ( No description just a pic of Josh Cole w/ The Youngblood Title...NEVER SOLD ONE)
6. THE BIG NASTY T-shirt ( See above) Jesse Styles-0 Devin Stone-1
7. "PROVEN COMMODITY" Jake Slade Collision T-shirt.
8. BE AGGRESSIVE B-E AGRESSIVE- The NEW Cheerleaders t-shirt
9. Suicide King- The Chris Shields t-shirt
10. MAIN EVENT OR NOTHIN- P.T. Merciless
11. The Power Trip...LiTeraLLy XXX& Elijah Archer w NEW Tag Titles and Kaden Cedrik w The NEW World Title
12. The Offical ISunday t-shirt
13. Selles LIVES- The One and only Brian Selles NEW tee...pic of half normal Selles other half Zombie Selles
14. THE D.E.F.I.A.N.C.E.- No explination necessary just an epic FAIL
15. The Jesse Styles Phedophile of the year t-shirt made by Chef Roberto
Scene then cuts back to Hunter and Myself as there are t-shirts phucking everywhere as we look at each other and shake our heads. Hunter takes the Jesse Styles Phedophile t-shirt and puts it on, while I put on the cRu Stable Championz t-shirt w Inkt as the out of focus guy. I then pull a joint from my cigarette case as I pop it in my mouth and spark it up./ After looking through and reliving many of NEW's most epic fails I NEEDED THIS SMOKE.
It boggles my mind the number of asshats that have come and gone in this place, but fortunatley for every ten of those there is one of me, so it totally makes up for it! But as Hunter and I finished getting a good laugh out of all this I felt my cell phone vibrating again as I look down and see that it is none other than the NEW World Heavyweight Champion Jesse calling, so I answer.
LA Johnny Stylez: What up PoP, What Up PoP?
Jesse Styles: You gentlemen burn that shithole down yet?
LA Johnny Stylez: Not exactly but we're working on it! We were going through some of this shit, and well DooD some of it's phuckin hilarious!
Jesse Styles: Yeah well you know what's not hilarious? THe thousands I lose every day keeping that shit hole open! SO you two do me a favor and burn it to the ground and I'll collect the insurance on it and hopefully make my money back! And then get your asses back here, we've got another big week comin up, and I'll be damned if you two drop the ball this week to those two dingleberries Envy and Inkt, they have been stinkin up my tag team division for way too long!
LA Johnny Stylez: Jess we couldn't agree with you more HoMie!...But don't worry we'll get it done!
I then hang up the phone and then slip it back in my pocket as I take another hit of the joint and look at Hunter's shirt and shake my head and laugh.
Hunter Valentyne: So what's the plan?
LA Johnny Stylez: Burn this bitch down and collect insurance...Come on..What else would it be?
Hunter Valentyne: Damnit! See I knew we should have taken those creative lessons from Envy!
LA Johnny Stylez: You mean the guy who has someone as ridicilious as Chris Styles with him and still manages to some how not be funny at all?
Hunter Valentyne: Yeah that's the guy!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah prehaps we'll look into it when we get back. Right now we have a warehouse full of failures to burn down!
Hunter Valentyne: Wait I thought you already burned Envy's house down?
LA Johnny Stylez: AH-HA TOUCHE! But no let's get to work, because seriously I feel like a jackass just wearing this tshirt. I have no idea how Envy can walk around like this.
Hunter Valentyne: OK, so look lets just pile all this crap up in a box strike a match and be done with it.
LA Johnny Stylez: Well first we gotta do something because well we didn't come here just to do that...There is something here I need to get first that is going to make sure that this little war between us and NEW remains in our favor...Call it a secret weapon of sorts!
Hunter Valentyne: A secret weapon?...HERE? What the fuck could it possibly be?
LA Johnny Stylez: You'll see come with me HoMie!
Hunter Valentyne: OK but if it's another one of Molly's dildos you named after yourself I'm seriously not gunna hang out with you anymore!
LA Johnny Stylez: No sir, trust me when you see what it is you'll know! And as far as how we aree gunna burn this mother down is concerned we are going to do this our way...We're gunna get someone else to do it for us, so that way it doesn't come back on us!...On second thought phuck it we don't really have time for all that...Look go back to the truck get the can of gasoline, make sure you grab the kid and for crying out loud get the phucker a got damn lunch box so he shuts up. I think he'll be valuable to us when we get back...And well I'm gunna go run and get what it is we really came for...
Hunter Valentyne: What is it?
LA Johnny Stylez: You'll see in a few just go...We don't have much time!
Hunter Valentyne: Whatever...But I'm keeping this phedophile t-shirt!
LA Johnny Stylez: Knock yourself out...As a matter of fact take a few of these so we are the only people who have em, we can cash in on em later!
Hunter Valentyne: Precisley what I was thinkin...OK well see you back in the truck in ten?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah...ten minutes got it...And make sure your ass is in the passenger seat!
Hunter Valentyne: Are you fucking kidding me dood? It aint been that long mother fucker and from what I've seen you still drive like a blind Asian!
LA Johnny Stylez: PHUCK YOU!
Hunter Valentyne: Look we'l figure it out in a little bit, just make sure your ass is outside in ten minutes this isn't something you can be late for, because this building will be set on fire and it'll be really hard to hand those Two Bit Dickheads their asses if you are burnt up like all your brain cells!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah, yeah I got it. Just go!
...15 MiNuTeS LaTer...
Hunter is sitting outside in the truck looking at his watch looking nervous as shit as the smoke coming from the building is beginning to grow larger and larger. The flames begin to burst out the windows as he picks up his cell phone and calls me for what has been the twelth time by now, but this time it goes straight to voice mail. Hunter tries again and gets the same result. He throws his phone against the dash board, and runs his hands through his hair as he is silently cursing me out under his breathe.
Hunter Valentyne: Got damn that stupid slow ass son of a bitch he's probably a pile of ashes right now, serves him right thinkin this world operates under his time...
LA Johnny Stylez: GoT DAMN Hunter, you kiss your mother with that mouth?
-
Hunter Valentyne: Not as often as I kiss yours?
LA Johnny Stylez: Holy shit you found my mother? Is she as big of a whore as I always imagined?
Hunter Valentyne: Fuck you get in the car what the fuck took you so long?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well Jesse thought it was a wise choice to keep this thing locked in a safe and well he forgot to give me the combo and the lock gave me a little trouble...But do I know how to make a phuckin entrance or what?
Hunter Valentyne: FUck you I hope whatever you got was worth it.
LA Johnny Stylez: You bet your phuckin ass it is...Check this shit out.
Johnny opens up the brown paper bag that is carrying this mystery item that Johnny flew all the way to Bangkok to get. As he pulls it out Hunter's jaw almost hits the floor as he looks at Johnny and flashes an evil smirk as Johnny returns it. We then pan around to see that in Johnny's hands is an item that has been missing from it's owner for too long. We see that Johnny is holding the mask once worn by the Monster and Enforcer of the Styles Mafia HAZARD!!!
Hunter Valentyne: BRILLIANT ABSOLUTLEY BRILLIANT! Hazard is gunna flip his shit when you give that to him!
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah and I'm gunna give it to him right before his match. You want to know how to motivate a monster? Just like me man you just gotta bring his ass back home! Something tells me this was all that's missing from the equation, once he puts this bad mother phucker back on he will be unphucking stoppable...So again let's hope Pugh makes the right choice, because if he don't...He'll have to deal with the REAL HAZARD!
Hunter Valentyne: You mean the same one who curb stomped you?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah, ASSHOLE...THe exact same one...Only this time he is going to remain on our side...The only people who he will be curb stomping are the ones we tell him to! We are going to kick this shit off right brotha! Those asshats aren't gunna stand a chance! We just have to make sure we all stay on the same page...We do that and there won't be a person, team, or faction that can phuck with us I promise you that!
Hunter Valentyne: Ohh JeSus...DOes that mean you feel another rant comin on?
LA Johnny Stylez: Well Envy and Inkt took it upon themselves to do one...SInce we've got the time I might as well show em how its done right?...RIGHT!
Hunter Valentyne: Whatever bro do your thing, I'm just glad you're not talking to Goats and shit anymore like that cheesy bitch you were becoming!
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh no sir...Which is kinda where my point begins..
I then turn to the camera and slowly begin to speak...
LA Johnny Stylez: Ladies and Gentlemen of the NEW...Or more specifically 8 Bit...You two can figure out who the gentlemen and who the lady is amongst yourselves I was just trying to be polite one last time before DomestiK DisturbancE climbs in the ring against the two of you this week on Ignite and makes
!!!!B.I.T.C.H.E.Z.!!!!
OUT OF YOU TWO ASSHATZ ANYWAY!!!
I've already said pretty much all there was to say to and about you two phuckin moronz that there is to say. At this point I'm not telling either of you two phuck mooks shit you and everyone else doesn't already know so I am gunna do my best to keep this short and sweet. Because at this point it's really simple. Sure you along with the rest of the NEW is good and got damn ready to climb inside of the ring and hand Hunter and Myself the beatings we allegedly have coming to us. As seemingly ever since Ignite has gone off the air it seems as if the two of you have a fire lit under your asses and you are determined to stop this before it even begins. But before you two bitches go getting all excited, let me ask you one very important rhetorical question and that my friends is...
???WHO LIT THE FIRE IN THE F'N FIRST PLACE???
IN OTHER WORDS DID EITHER OF YOU STOP TO THINK THAT YOU TWO ARE PRECISLEY WHERE WE WANT YOU?
Did you two ever stop to think that just like the plan to swerve the entire NEW at the expense of the Man of War wasn't carefully thought out? You see unlike the two of you what made us able to pull off the caper that we did was the fact that we came into this prepared, we had a got damn game plan and we pulled it off to damn near perfection. What makes you think we didn't anticipate your next moves as well, because I'm here to tell you two asshats right now that is precisley what we did, and that my friends is why at the end of the day by the time the Main Event has reached it's climatic end, you two will be in the same place you always are when the stakes are extremly high and that my friends is flat on your backs drowning in a bottom less pool of
!!!!FaiLuRe!!!!
CoURTe$eY OF YOUR FRIENDS IN DoMeSTiK DISTuRBaNCE!!!
Because keep in mind that the ones who call themselves UNITED aren't the only ones on a UNITED front. BEcause the Styles Mafia in a little under two hours flipped the phuckin script on the entire NEW and in just one night we proved just how dangerous we truly are, as damn near everyone on the roster felt the sting of our return in some shape, form or fashion. And at the end of the day the reason it will be DomestiK DisturbancE who stands over your broken and battered bodies as once again the reiging UNDISPUTED CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD is because at the end of the day we are the better team! ANd we have proven this every single step of the way!
The two of you wouldn't be in the Main Event and the two of you wouldn't even be in the same ring together had it not been for what Hunter, Myself, and the rest of the Styles Mafia accomplished last week. Those Tag Team Titles mean more to us than I could ever sit here and explain to you, and as you all saw for yourselves time and time again as far as the both of us are concerned when there is something we want there isn't any length we won't go to...No low we won't stoop, no short cut we won't take, no punch we won't pull in order to see that we get exactly whatever the phuck we want! And we will trample anything and evrerything that stands in our way!
Your team was born out of bordem as there was nothing and no one else there to challenge you. And deep down the both of you know you are not a real team, because deep down the both of you think as less of each other as Hunter and I do...And if you go into this match thinking that way then it will only be a matter of time before Hunter and I expose that weakness and exploit it to our advantage and use it to drive you two off the cliff plunging down to your own defeat and failure.
So before I go any further, Inkt...If I may borrow your catch phrase for a moment sir...
???U MAD BRO???
OF COURSE YOU ARE PHUCK MOOK I MADE A FRICKEN FOOL OUT OF YOU AGAIN!!!
And the bad news for you asshat is that it doesn't stop there. So make whatever joke you want at my expense, make whatever thrreat or claim that you want but at the end of the day you know deep down inside that no matter what you do or say none of that changes the fact that in this game...I am, was, and always will be
!!!!BeTTERTHANu!!!!
ANd UnLIKE YOUR PARTNER I HAVE EVERY F'N RIGHT TO SAY THAT!!!
Because ultimatley Inkt you lack what it takes to get to the top which is precisley why what happened to you, happened to you! You can call me selfish all you want, because you are exactly correct. I didn't make it to the top five times by being generous! You'll have to excuse me but Mortal Kombat has never been my thing. Ultimatley what makes me the greatest superstar and what makes DomestiK DisturbancE the greatest tag team, and what is going to put the Styles Mafia at least two or three steps ahead of everyone else is the simple fact that we take what we want and we never think twice! And that's what this business has always been about! ANd you may think that NOW is your time all you'd like, but you know just as well as I do it's only a matter of phucking time before you buckle under the pressure and give in to someone else, because underneath that beanie of yours aside from flaming red hair is an empty mind. You don't have the same drive or understanding of what it takes to truly succede in this business and you sir are going to pay for that. Now may be your time, but know this...The Styles MaFia RULES NEW, so in turn even if this is your time, know that you are only borrowing it from us!
Because the fact of the matter is what happened to you last week is going to happen again, and again, and again...Especially during the main event this week as Hunter and I take back what is rightfully ours because in all honesty those belts wouldn't even exist if it weren't for us. But much like your career and your team with Envy everything is a phucking joke...Only no one is laughing anymore! And when this is all over with phuck mook the only ones who will be laughing is DomestiK DisturbancE, because we plotted your downfall ever got damn step of the way! But just know that this week when you fall at my feet once more you make sure you and your half ass partner of yours know that it sadly doesn't end there, because we won't stop until we have it all!
Because NEW EDGE WRESTLING in your hands is a joke. Look at the Tag Team Division since you and Envy took the reigns. It isn't even a reflection of what it used to be! So you can take our friendship and stick it up the hole that you let all those guys use for target practice because I came back to bring this company back to greatness, I came back to revive what you and that phuck mook Envy have nearly destroyed! ANd more importantly I have come back to make you and the rest of New Edge Wrestling
!!!!SoaK!!!!
!!!!SoMe!!!
!!!!UP!!!!!
...Which You and Envy Have Gotten To BE Rather GooD AT THESE DAYS!!!
Because what's going to happen when you fail to keep another promise? How is Envy going to face UNited after failing to stop us...How are you going to go forward towards the World Title after we make a mockery out of the two of you the same way you have done to OUR Tag Team Titles since you have won them! QUestions that will have their answers by the end of Ignite, as once again The DoN of Di$Re$PeCT and The MyTh KiLLeR do what we do better than any other tag team in the history of this company and that's take care of BUSINESS! So from the bottom of our hearts we sincerelt hope that you enjoyed "YOUR TIME" but your fifteen minutes are just about up phuck mooks...As a matter of fact make sure at Igntie someone calls the Fat Lady and tells that BITCH
!!!!She's ON In FiVE!!!!
...SO GeT ReaDy 8 Bit Because History Will Once Again REPEAT ITSELF
And as usual you two will be forced to sit by and watch men who are truly great take NEW back to the promised land, but thank you for playing your part because we seriously could not have done it without the two of you!...So don't worry years down the road this will be the story you tell your grand kids about how you [played your part in returning NEW to greatness, and even though this will result in the two of you being on the recieving end of the most humilating assbeating you have ever recieved much like every single NEW fan and employee just being apart of this, and just being in the ring with the real greatest tag team in NEW history
...HaS BeeN YoUR PLea$uRe!!!
...SEE YHOU PHUCK MOOX STATE SIDE!!!
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??