Post by pugh10 on Mar 27, 2013 16:54:58 GMT -6
Pugh: Pizza is here guys
Pugh walks into a giant hotel suite just outside of Uniondale with five pizza boxes in his hands. Inkt and LA Kief both come running at the mention and smell of pizza.
Inkt: It is so awesome to be able to get pizza again now that Johnny is not here so the rest of us can actually have a piece.
Pugh: I know its weird but that little stoner could really put away some pizza, well dig in boys
Pugh puts the pizza's on the table and makes a straight line for his lap top. Kief digs right in and is quickly on his third, that's right THIRD piece with a quickness but Inkt is hesitant to grab himself a slice as he looks over at Pugh.
Inkt: Ok what the hell did you do to the pizza fat boy?
Pugh: I didn't do anything to it, why does it not taste right?
Kief: Taste fucking awesome to me
Inkt: I don't think I have ever seen you walk away from food before unless you know something was wrong with it and even then you normally say fuck it and eat it anyway. So again I ask what the fuck did you do to the pizza fat boy?
Pugh: NOTHING! I'm going to get some in just a minute, I just wanted to show you guys something first.
Inkt: Which is?
Inkt is still not buying it and has now walked over to Pugh and his lap top and is right over the right shoulder of Pugh. Pugh makes a few clicks and pulls up a new window and smiles as he sits back.
Pugh: I made a few calls and I happen to know the guy behind Big Dawg Creations, what do you think?
The camera goes in over Pugh's shoulder to show the computer screen.
Inkt: Oh that is fucking dope dude, I actually get to be in the middle?
Pugh: Yep, its your turn to shine Inky baby so I hope you enjoy it. What do you think Kief?
Kief has now demolished an entire pizza by himself and has not paid a bit of attention to anything else going other then the pizza in front of his face.
Pugh: KIEF!!!!!
Kief: Huh?
Inkt: Come look at this dumb ass and leave some pizza for the rest of us.
Kief: Who are the Sexy Bitchz?
Pugh and Inkt both just look at each with a look of pure bewilderment.
Pugh: That's us Kieffy, we are the Sexy Bitchz
Kief: Well we are all pretty damn sexy so I guess it makes sense, looks pretty cool.
Kief quickly goes back to the pizza as Pugh and Inkt both light up a cigarette as Inkt takes a seat on the edge of the table next to the lap top.
Pugh: So you ready this week dude? This may be the biggest match of your wrestling career to this point and after last week we really need to get some pay back on that cock sucker.
Inkt: Oh trust me big boy I got some shit for his stoner ass. When I am done with Johnny Stylez he is going to be nothing more then the dumb smurf in the background that never gets any speaking parts, just dances around for the amusement of the rest of the smurfs.
Pugh: Good to hear and you know if you want me at ring side I am with you bro
Inkt: I should be alright dude as long as he doesn't bring his butt trolls with him, if he does then I may need you and mega m00bs over there to get my back.
Pugh: Oh you know we got your back dude and I am pretty sure United will have it as well but I need to sit down with my sister and make sure we are all on the same page before we get too far into this thing.
Inkt: That wouldn't be a bad idea but I am pretty sure we are all working for the same thing at this point. Besides you need to stop worrying about me and start worrying about you, you gonna be ready for Valora this week? You may not think so but that bitch is damn sure tougher then she looks.
Pugh: Come on dude have you forgot who you are talking to? It's an Insane Rulez match and who invited the Insane Rulez match?
Inkt: You did but you better not take her lightly bro
Pugh: Oh I'm not but when push comes to shove she is still a girl and I am still a man and this is my back yard she is playing in. I have heard stories of what she has done to people and how "Hardcore" she is and I will admit that from what I have seen she is a pretty mean bitch but I am Ryan Pugh after all so I am sure I will be fine. Besides I am always down for rolling around with a hot ass chick in the ring and getting paid for it!
Inkt: That's all well and good until she splits you open and gives you another concussion
Pugh: Dude if she was topless I would probably just let her and not even fight back, true story.
Inkt: Nice to see you are still thinking with the wrong head there buddy
Pugh: I gotta be me right? Look my head is on straight and I am sure I will get pretty fucked up out there, I almost always do when it comes to this kind of match, but the point is she is going to get fucked up to and I don't care how tough she thinks she is or even how tough she really is the fact still remains that she is at least half my size and in reality she weighs about as much as one of my legs or one of Kief's tits!
Kief: I heard that
Pugh: I didn't whisper it dumb ass, its not a secret Kief everyone knows you have the biggest breasts in all of NEW and that covers every gender
Kief: You damn right and don't you forget it bitch!!!
Pugh: But in all honesty I am looking forward to this match dude
Inkt: I have never understood why you look forward to getting your ass beat so damn much. Every damn time you bleed you get a fucking boner and it makes no sense at all.
Pugh: I wouldn't expect you to understand it dude, its a state of mind and a way of life. I will never be the best technical wrestler and I will never be able to do all that high flying jumping bean shit but I can take a ridiculous amount of pain and I can dish out just as much as anyone can give to me so that is just who I am. At the end of the day I am fucking insane and there aint no changing that, so why fight it when I can embrace it and use it to my advantage?
Inkt: Yeah I guess you have a point there fluffy, never thought of it like that
Pugh: Plus this should be a really good tune up for Ultimate Xcore next week. That shit is going to be so brutal I may get a stiffly that never goes down.
Kief: I have one of those too and its pretty awesome Pugh, we could so sword fight all day if that happens.
Pugh: I didn't think it was possible but I may now have a teammate that is even gayer then you are
Inkt: What if I said I wanted to record that sword fight?
Pugh: And we are back to square one huh? If I was a betting man I would put money on you two hooking up before it was all said and done.
Inkt: That would probably be a pretty safe bet, I mean have you seen those thunder thighs in action yet?
Pugh simply lowers his head at the visual image that was just put in his head.
Pugh: As I was saying, Ultimate Xcore is going to be all kinds of fun and it will be my mission to put that overgrown retard Hazard in his place and in the hospital if I have anything to say about it. Honestly I don't even care if I win it as long as I make sure he doesn't win it. If Hazard gets that Xcore title then there may be no saving the Xcore division and the only way that is happening is over my big fat dead body damn it!
Just then Pugh's phone goes off and he franticly digs in his pocket to get to it. After pulling it out of his pocket and seeing who it was he got a smile on his face that was quickly replaced with a frown at the comments of his best friend.
Inkt: Is it your living dead girlfriend?
Pugh: Fuck you, go eat some damn pizza before Kief finishes it all
Inkt looks over to see two stacks of boxes, one stack has four boxes in it and the other has just one.
Inkt: How pizza have you ate already Kief?
Kief: I'm almost done
Inkt: Almost done? Almost done with what? With all of it?
Kief: Yep
Inkt: You fucking fat bastard give me some damn pizza!!!
Pugh lets out a chuckle as he answers his phone and steps out the door of his room.
Pugh: Hey babe
Emily: Don't fucking call me babe
Pugh: Sorry Emily its a habit
Emily: Well its a bad one and you need to break in a hurry
Pugh: I'm doing my best here, so what are you doing?
Emily: Just bored out of mind and Jeb wont leave me alone, he's so damn protective
Pugh: You know I don't like that big inbreed fucker anyway, you want me to take him out for you?
Emily: Why the hell would I want that?
Pugh: Cause you said he was bugging you
Emily: So automatically think I want you to beat him up?
Pugh: maybe?
Emily: Fucking men
Pugh: Ok so don't take him out then?
Emily: No you imbecile, You know Ryan I think you have taken a few too many shots to the head
Pugh: More then likely, so you want to hang out or something? I heard about this little bar near here that is supposed to be pretty low key and cool.
Emily: Why would I want to go to a pub with you? Plus when you get drunk you get even more dumb then you already are.
Pugh: Catch a movie then?
All of the sudden Pugh heard nothing on the other end of the line.
Pugh: Emily? Baby? SHIT!!!
Pugh took a look at his phone to see that Emily was no longer on the other end of the call.
Pugh: I'm so fucking stupid, why in the hell didn't I just let her tell me why she called? I'm never gonna get anywhere with this chick at this pace. Where the fuck am I?
Pugh looks around and doesn't notice much as he had been walking the whole time he was on the phone with Emily and was so caught up in not trying to make a fool of himself with her that he had paid no attention what so ever to where he was walking to. Fortunately for Pugh this hotel had pretty much been rented out by NEW for the upcoming Ignite so it was full of wrestlers and behind the scenes men and women so it didn't take him long to see someone he recognized.
Pugh: Don't I know you? Your that peanut butter jelly guy right?
PJ: Actually I'm Patrick Jones dude and no I have nothing to do with any peanut butter and jelly
Pugh: Why not? It's fucking delicious dude and its super cheap
PJ: That's nice but I was just going...
Pugh: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHERE YOU WERE GOING!!!
PJ: Really?
Pugh: Sorry, I always wanted to do that to someone, but in all seriousness where the fuck am I?
PJ: My guess is not on this planet dude
Pugh: No PB&J I know WHERE I am I just don't know where I am. I think I am lost, what wing is this?
Pugh: This is the wing for people Jesse hates so you will fit right in here, now if you will excuse..
Pugh: So this is the bitch wing huh? Ok I need to figure out how to get back up to the rich people's part cause its depressing down here.
PJ: Oh so you want the core wing? Yeah just go through there and get on that giant ass elevator and press the VIP button. Your own your own from there, now if you will excuse me I really need to get to the microwave, I think my noodles are done.
Pugh: Noodles? Who the fuck eats noodles?
Patrick Jones walks by Pugh to get back to his meal and Pugh has a puzzled look on his face.
Pugh: Seriously who eats noodles? Fucking poor people....
Just then Pugh turns and runs into a door that had just been pushed open.
Pugh: MOTHER FUCKER
Pugh stumbles back and holds his head for a moment as what appears to be a janitor stumbles out of his closet.
Janitor: I am so sorry sir
Pugh: You fucking should be, do you know who I am?
Pugh now looks up to see the janitor
Pugh: Where are your pants bro?
Janitor: Shit
The janitor hurries back into the closet to retrieve his pants as Pugh is now disturbingly curious of why the guy had no pants on.
Pugh: What the fuck were you just doing in here?
Janitor: Uh...um...nothing...uh
Pugh: Bullshit dude, you might want to come clean before I decide to go tell your boss you were in here jerking it and then hit me with a fucking door!
Janitor: No please don't sir, I am sorry
Pugh: I don't give a shit if your sorry, what the fuck were you doing in here? Fess up or I'm going to your boss right now!
The janitor lowers his head and simply points at a small sign on the wall.
Pugh: I don't get it
Janitor: Remove the sign sir
Pugh reaches over and takes the sign off the wall and reveals a hole.
Pugh: I still don't get it
Janitor: Look through the hole sir
Pugh: Why? I swear if Inkt put you up to this and there is a giant cock about to come through this thing at me you are all dead!
Pugh bends down and looks through the hole
Pugh: Holy fucking shit are you kidding me? You were peeping on her?
Janitor: Yes sir
Pugh: Fuck your boss dude, I should tell her what you did and watch while she beats the fuck out of you.
Janitor: Please sir...
Pugh: Oh relax guy I'm not going to nark on you, besides I enjoy a good peep hole as much as the next guy so why don't you go do your job and let me get back to this.
Janitor: But sir
Pugh: But nothing guy, get out of here and let me jerk it in peace dude!
The janitor gets a weird look on his face as he exits the closet and closes the door. Pugh bends back down to look back through the peep hole.
Pugh: Damn it that bitch is fine, I aint never had no Mexican before, I bet that shit is so tight
Pugh stands up to drop his pants and the camera goes into the peep hole to reveal that on the other side is none other then Valora taking a shower.
Pugh: I got some damn Latino heat for your sexy ass MAMACITA!!!!
Valora: What was that?
Pugh: Shit I was too loud, maybe she will ignore it
Pugh leans back down to catch Valora stepping out of the shower and leaving the bathroom wrapping a towel around her.
Pugh: FUCK! Well at least I got a sneak peek at the goods and it sucks she left but damn if I didn't love to watch her leave! Looks like Spaz isn't the only one in need of some lotion right now!
Pugh pulls his pants back up and exits the closet and decides it would be a good idea to get out of there pretty quickly in case Valora was coming to investigate the noise. He gets back in the elevator and back up to his wing where he makes his way back to his room.
Pugh: Guys you will never guess what I just saw......guys?
The room was now empty.
Pugh: I wasn't gone that long where the hell did they go?
Pugh pulls out his phone and begins to make his way over to his lap top that is still open.
Pugh: Dude where the hell are you?
Inkt: Can this wait I am kinda in the middle of something here
Pugh: Are you fucking jerking it again? I swear you whack off more then Spaz dude
Inkt: I don't care
Pugh: Anyway dude You will never guess what I just......
Pugh stops and looks down at his computer screen
Pugh: Ok was it you or Kief that was looking up gay porn on my damn lap top?
Inkt: Kief......definitely Kief
Pugh: What the fuck is that? Why the hell would that be....
Pugh clicks an advertisement on the side of the page and a enormous smile crosses his face from ear to ear.
Inkt: What the hell are you talking about?
Pugh: Dude get over here right the fuck now
Inkt: I'm a little busy
Pugh: find then I am going to send you a link on your phone
Inkt: Why? What the hell is going on?
Pugh: Just click it and thank me later bitch!
Pugh hangs up the phone and sits back in his chair and just begins laughing uncontrollably.