Post by inkt on Mar 27, 2013 20:48:08 GMT -6
"Aww come on baby, don't give out just yet. Come on, keep it goin. Let's get that new record!"
Inkt's hand is seen digging into his leg, and the rustling of pages can be heard from within the bathroom. A forced smile of pleasure slides across his lips as he rolls his eyes back turning the page of his magazine.
"Almost. ALMOST! AWWWWWWWW- HULLLLK SMAAASHHHH"
Right as Inkt was about to blow his load, his phone beeped with the 'emergency tone.' Grinding his jaw back and forth, he shakes his head.
"NOT NOW PUGH!"
The tone beeps once more. Pugh, being the bright fucker that he is, had already thought ahead as to what Inkt might be doing. He would keep sending whatever it was that needed to be sent until Inkt replied. In a fit of Rage, Inkt threw the magazine on the floor of the bathroom. Upon first glance, and really, the only glance some one would need, the title Martha Stewart Living could be made out, as well as a full on picture of the goddess herself.
"The fuck's so god damned important?"
Inkt speaking to his phone as he pulled it into his lap. Pants still around his ankles, and beads of sweat running from his face, he takes a deep, shaky breath as he runs his finger across the screen. What he found next, was enough to kill any erection any person may have had. Gay or straight for that matter.
"What.. The... Fuck...?"
Inkt tilts his head to one side, and then the next as he continues to analyze what he has just seen. The stamp on the picture said TMZ, so it had to be legit, right? Well, take it for what you will, we all know how inkt's gonna take it. And take it he did.
"I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!"
Hell, all his wildest dreams had damned near come true. This couldn't have come at a better time, short of last week anyways. Inkt smiles to himself, his jerkin was over for the moment. It was time for mass production. Setting his phone on the counter top of the bathroom sink, a slick smile curled his lips as he pulled up his pants. It was about to get ugly. Real fuckin ugly. Grabbing his phone on his way out of the bathroom, he entered the bedroom area of his hotel room. Still grinning from ear to ear, he couldn't help but to think of all the shit that he'd say and or do when he saw the styles mafia again. Sure, they could crack on him for takin it in the ass, or being New Edge's cabana boy and all that bull shit, but the thing that separated Inkt from those two assholes was, he was open about it. He didn't try to hide shit. If this picture was infact pure, then those two had something going on that put inkt's porn to shame. Sure, Inkt took it in the ass and everything like that, but for fuck's sake, he wasn't a cuddler. Looking at the fuckin gay ass look in both their eyes and the tender touch that hunter was offering Johnny? Oh yeah, they loved the fuckin cock. Plain and simple. Eachother's to be exact.
"It's so fucking on now, Johnny boy, so fucking on. You crack on me for bein gay and shit, and takin it in the ass? Well guess what, homo, looks like one skeleton has finally made its way out of your closet, and that bitch is rainbow. Ha."
Inkt slides his laptop onto his bed and grins to himself as he begins trollin his usual sites. Hitting up a fictional wrestling site called FedWhores he proceeded to post the image through out the forums.
"Looks like ya'll need to find new fuckin people to look up to, huh? But then again, maybe this just seals the deal when it comes to your loyalties to the obscure and redundant. I remember once when i used to look up to johnny. That was a while ago. Probably before the first time he fuckin screwed me over. Hell, now i understand why he was so mad that he didn't get to make the pin. He wanted to feel his cock pressed against... Who was it that I pinned again? Bah, fuck it, old news anyways. Moving on."
Inkt pressed a couple of more links, and found himself on photobucket. Yup, it was time to make the pic public. Knowing that after Johnny and hunter had beaten Inkt and Al, their names would be trending pretty good right about now. People looking to update their online sigs, and shit like that. Well, Inkt had the perfect pic for em. How could you go wrong with something like this? You couldn't. Fact. True story, whatever you wanna call it. After posting the picture and using some choice keywords, Inkt smiles to himself, and basically says good bye to his laptop.
"Well, i assume you're gonna be burnt into rubble or some shit in the next few days, so i might as well get my peace in now. We've had some good times. A lot of porn. A lot of viruses from porn, and well, yeah, i pretty much just used you for one thing. I have but only one regret when it comes to you, old faithful. That regret is, nuttin on the "L" key. Because, well, i do loves me some lesbians, and it makes it pretty damned hard to look up when you can't press the vital letter in the name. But don't tell anyone i said that i like the lesbos, they're content thinkin im as queer as a football bat."
Inkt leans down and presses his closed laptop to his cheek and then smiles a little bit as though he were setting a wild animal free into the world.
"What's that you say? Well of course you know i like chicks, and well, scarlet knows, and pugh knows, and ... well hell, it's just about common knowledge that I like chicks, and have in fact had sex with chicks. Tons of em."
Just then, the voice of kief can be made out from down the hall.
"You meant to say you like dudes, and have in fact had sex with them. Tons of them."
The fuck? How did he get in here? Did he seriously just witness the tenderness between inkt and his laptop?
"It's cool Inkt, don't worry about it, babe. I talk to my stuff all the time. I'm not as sensitive as you are it'd seem, but still, i like to talk to - THERE IT IS! THEIF!!!!"
Kief runs into the bathroom, and then back out with the magazine curled up in his hands.
"Did you honestly think I wouldn't notice issue number 612 missing? This is the ULTIMATE Halloween Issue of Marth Stewart Living. And you... You just help yourself to my stuff? The pages?! The pages are all bent and wrinkled, Inkt what did you do?!"
Inkt smiled and set his laptop to the side, and looks at kief with a very matter of factly tone in his voice as he speaks.
"I think you know exactly what I was doin with that. Martha was dressed like a slutty witch, and it was great, i couldn't help myself."
"You have a phone it's right here- OH MY GAWD WW... WHAT'S THIS?!"
"Yeah, that, sir, will probably be one of the most viral pictures on the internet for the next week or two. Might even rank up there with the blue waffle."
"No, nothing's gonna take down the BW. Is this for real?"
Kief begins to analyze the picture. His face quirking in different forms, trying to verify the authenticity.
"Well if it's fake, it's a damned good job. Where'd you get it? Can I have one?"
"Pugh sent it to me. Found it on the TMZ site. Go ahead and forward it to yourself. The thing that strikes me is, I never figured Johnny to be gay. I mean, he's always so damned angry."
"Well, it explains the blue hair, Inkt. I mean really. I know a thing or two about a thing or two. Kinda smart, ya know?"
"No dude, seriously, you make me look like einstein or some shit. Im sure you have your moments, and im also sure that when you do, there's no one around to see them, or if there is, then it gets dismissed as a total random accident, or some sort of rip in the vortex of dimensions or whatever it is that you think you do."
"You have no idea what you're talking about right now. I was sent here to save the sexy Bitchz. Do you know how many different dimensions i've been through when it comes to trying to find the right one? I've been through thousands. Hundreds of thousands. In one dimension you're the fat one with the beard. In another, you and Pugh are chicks... I stuck around in that one for a while. It was pretty nice. I mean, there's tranny versions of you guys. I mean, you name it, i've probably seen it, and well, fucked it."
"Your mission is to fuck us?"
"No? Well my personal- You know what, Inkt, this isn't about me right now. This is about you taking on that blue haired homo. You have any thoughts on how to get into his head, or i guess now that its all on the table, into his anus?"
Inkt smiles and looks to good ol kief.
"You know, as a matter of fact I do. To be honest, I'm gonna need your help with it also."
"A mission?"
"Only if you choose to accept it."
"Oh, i choose. I choose. What is it?"
"Im not sure yet, im still trying to work out the kinks. Usually things come to me when i jerk off, but i keep getting interrupted. By now i've got so much batter in there, i could probably swin- Holy shit, i just figured it out. Yup. I know exactly what we're gonna do, Kiefer. You're gonna enjoy this. To be honest, im glad you're here and not Pugh. Pugh wouldn't be down for this. At least not now. Not since he's head over heels for the goth princess or whatever the fuck she is."
"She's fuckin hot, that's what she is, inkt. Think there's any pics of her on the internet?"
"There is. I've seen a couple. Hell, most of the New Edge girls have some sort of porn here and there."
"Is it legit?"
"Most of it? No. But still, i mean, we get to see them every week, so its easy for us to imagine. But i mean, a little aid here and there goes a long way."
"Or in your case a short way. Have you beaten your record yet?"
"My record?"
"Yeah, pugh was tellin me that your spurt record is 3:15 or something like that."
"Oh, yeah... He told you that huh? Well, I think i was on track to beat it here today with the help of Martha, but fuck man, pugh kept sending that damned file and it fucked up my pace.I think i could have knocked it down to like 2:45 or so."
"Shit, knocking 30 seconds off is nothing to laugh at. If there was some sort of olympic sport for fastest nutting, i'd be willing to guess you'd be in like the top ten or something... Me? Well, i dont mean to brag or anything, but i've cum three times since i've been here. Pretty impressive, huh?"
Inkt looks down at kief's crotch and then back up to his face.
"Like I said, pretty impressive, huh?"
"Actually, yeah. Pretty damned impressive. Now I kind of want a never ending hard on."
"Well, it's a gift and a curse, Inkt. To be honest, it scares more people then it entices. Plus with you goin against johnny this week, as soon as you get in the ring with that hard on, he's just gonna wanna jack ya off the whole time."
"What's wrong with that?"
"I bet his hands are abrasive."
"Good point."
Inkt stands and walks over to his dresser, where sitting on top of it is his trusty handy cam. You know the one that's always being used for this that and the other. It was this camera that allowed the world to see him give it to scarlet. It was this camera from back in the day that caught pugh rockin it with a tranny. It will be this camera, that records the fall of rome, aka the styles mafia. Starting with their blue haired ceasar. Man lovin bitch. Removing the camera from it's charging station a smile comes across inkt's face once more as he extends it to kief.
"Know how to work one of these?"
"No."
"Well, you should learn here. You've got essentially ten minutes. Cause i need to finish what i was working on, and you need to get the hell outta here so i can formulate my plan a little bit more."
"Well, when the shit is this goin down?"
"I highly doubt Johnny's stayin at this hotel, so we're gonna need to catch him in his locker room. Preferably after one of his long ass rants, or after a workout or something."
"You mean ass pounding, right?"
"Why, is that your code for it?"
"Workout? Shit, i'd call it something other then that dude. Does it look like i could get away with saying i've been working out?"
"Yeah, my bad. Anyways, yeah, so familiarize yourself with that, take the charger with you, and i'll come get you in the morning."
"Uh, okay. OH! Can i film shit too?"
"I guess... Just make sure it's all erased before we use it. I don't wanna lose a thing when all's said and done."
"Yeah, okay. Does this hook right up to the computer?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Uh, no reason."
"What the fuck are you planning on doing, Kief?"
"Porn?"
"Hmmmm.... Yeah, I'll allow it. knock yourself out. Oh, there's a dark filter on there too, so you can fuck with the lights off and still record it, all paris hilton style and shit."
"For real?! That's awesome! Hey, some time you wanna pull a houdini?"
"Yeah, totally dude, we could rock that. No problem. Also, if you see pugh, let him know im looking for him."
"Yeah yeah, okay no problem. Like i said though, i think he's tryin to show his peener to emily."
"Im pretty sure that's not gonna get him to pound town, kief... just sayin."
"Probably right. Alright, Inkt. Im out. You want me to come by in the morning, or are you gonna find me?"
"I'll probably find you, Kief. I dont know how long imma be awake tonight, and if it's for too long, then it might end up bein tomorrow afternoon or some shit."
"Cool... Alright then. Thanks for the camera."
As Kieft begins to let himself out, Inkt turns and hollars in his direction.
"Oh, leave the martha stewart magazine."
"Go fuck yourself."
"I was planning on it, but i need the magazine."
"too damned bad. You should have asked in the first place. Clearly, you never had comics as a kid."
"cock."
"What was that?"
"Beer?"
"Nah, im good, thanks Inkt."
Kief lets himself out of the room once more and closes the door behind him. As Inkt hears the latch click, he throws himself on his bed, and flips on the TV. Instantly, it defaults to the Hotel's channel that offers the pay movies, the porn, and the old ass gaming stuff. Inkt's attention peaks as he begins to scroll through the porn selection.
"Seen it... Seen it... Don't care... Too black... Don't care... Seen it... Dude! Where the fuck are the college bitches?"
Frustrated, he begins to flip through the channels, and ends up on MTV. They were running one of their random ass marathons, and before inkt could change the channel thinking it was jersey shore or some shit, he hears the phrase: Hi, Im johnny knoxville, and this is jackass.
"Now that's quality right there."
Inkt smiles, leans to the side of the bed, and pulls a beer out of the now melted ice bucket. Cracking to the top, he pulls it to his lips with one hand, while un buttoning the top button of his pants. He wasn't gonna rip one out to the cast of jackass, but just incase a nikki minage video or some shit came on, he wanted to be ready.
Watching the show for what seemed to be hours on end, we find Inkt passed out in bed, with one hand down his pants, and several beer bottles littered about him. Snoring loudly, now is as good a time to call it a night as any.
---------------------------------------------
Next Morning.... I think?
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Inkt rolls over in bed, issuing a loud enough fart that it wakes him up. Bringing his head up, his eyes take forever to adjust as he tries to focus on the bed side clock. It read, 1830... Or maybe it was 1030... Probably the latter. As Inkt tries to steady himself, he swings his legs over the side of the bed, and runs his hands through his hair and over his face. He had felt hung over as all hell, but he didn't drink nearly enough to get to that point. Just then, he heard a soft thud against his door. Standing, he makes his way over to it, almost rolling an ankle on an empty bottle.
"Jesus fuck..."
The thud could be heard again. Inkt opens the door to his room, and in spills Kief.
"Kief, the fuck are you doin?"
"Documenting your door. It wasn't zooming in enough, so i figured i'd get closer to it. Anyways, I think i might have broken your camera."
"WHAT?! Are you shitting me?"
Kief hands Inkt the camera. The view finder was a little bit cracked, but nothing major.
"I guess we're even for the whole martha stewart magazine episode yesterday then, huh?"
Inkt shrugged, as the camera was still useful and not really all that broken. It still did what it had to do. Quickly, he moved it over to his beloved laptop, plugged the USB cable in, and began going through the stuff that was on there. One file read, 'pound town'.
"Kief, did you save any of these to your shit?"
Before Kief could answer, Inkt had already deleted the files.
"uh... Yeah?"
"You don't know, do you?"
"Nope. It was fun though, I made food porn last night. I had a banana giving it to an orange, and then the strawberries joined in, and then..."
"You know, i hate to say it, but im actually pretty interested in seeing that."
"I'll show you when i get all the post work done. I still need to dub in some voices and stuff like that."
"Like voices from porn?"
"Yup."
"Nice."
"Oh! So, what are we gonna do to Johnny today?"
Inkt nods to himself, and then looks up from his screen.
"Im so glad you asked. So, last night on TV, they were running a jackass marathon, right?"
"Ok."
"Well, i got to thinkin. You know how they do those segment... You know what? Im not gonna ruin it. You'll just have to follow me, okay?"
"Uh, okay. I can do that, i guess."
"No, you will do that. Cause like i said, what im about to do, im pretty sure no one else is gonna be willing to record that shit."
Kief looks a bit nervous as he quietly agrees to Inkt's terms.
"You... You aren't gonna kill him or something, or make a snuff film or some shit are ya?"
"Nope... Well, not exactly... Dammit Kief. Come on. Let's get the fuck outta here..."
"Well, do you know where he is?"
"Not exactly, but if i were a gamblin man, this close to the show, im sure that he's havin a sit down with the rest of those fucks and with jesse coming up with ways to make sure their shit looks uber important during the show. So, that being said, let's uh... hmmm... Let's see if we can't find out where jesse's staying?"
"Top floor. Third suite on the left. I managed to lift the master key card off of one of the maids I was showin my peener to last night."
"Did you record it?"
"Yup."
"Did you save it?"
"Nope..."
"Sorry dude, it's gone now."
"Fuck."
"Pretty much. Alright, well, let's see what we can't find. You know where the janitor's closet is?"
"No, but pugh does."
"Don't you lie to me kief. You know damn good and well where it is."
Kief hangs his head a little bit, and then tries to look innocent.
"Down the hall, third door on the left next to valora's room."
"Well, that figures. Put a messican next to the janitor's closet. Shocker."
Inkt laughs as the joke clearly goes over kief's head.
"Alright, well, we need to look the part. So, what we're gonna do is, dress up as janitors, and keep our heads low. Then we're gonna go on jesse's floor and stakeout his room. Like i said, knowing them, they'll be having some sort of meeting. When the meeting's done, that's when i need you to call on your little latin lover to stall johnny for a good three minutes and thirty seconds."
"Exactly three thirty?"
"Well, unless you let me tape a picture of martha stewart to your chest."
"330 it is. Okay, so, while this is going on?"
"While this is going, i need you to keep your eyes on mine. Not any where else, you got me?"
"I think so... Dude, what are you gonna be doing."
"No time for that. Mission implausible starts now."
The two of them then leave Inkt's room, and they continue down the hall towards the janitor's closet. Looking from side to side, Inkt slides into the closet first, and begins rummaging for stuff. He manages to find a smelly ass uniform. He begins to put it on over his clothes. The thing barely fits, and if he were to move too fast in any direction, that thing was gonna split some where. He then began to search for something for Kief to wear. Unfortunately, there wasn't anything else. Coming out of the closet, Inkt smiles and lowers his cap to try and hide his face a little bit, while popping the collars. You know, cliche attempted spy shit.
"Was there anything in there for me?"
"Sorry dude, i didn't see anything. Even if there was, there's no way it'd fit you. I wonder..."
"OH! I totally forgot. I actually have a maid's outfit."
"Why in the hell would you have one of those?"
"Uh, cause some times i like to dress up like a girl when im takin other girls to pound town?"
"Valid. Okay, go get that shit on."
"Thing is, Inkt... It's kinda... well, its a fetish outfit. So i mean, it looks like a maid's gig when you look at it real quick. But there's some things that you begin to notice if you stare too long at it."
"Oh, like what?"
"My tits hang out for one."
"Uh... You know what? Fuck it, we're wasting enough time as it is. Tell ya what, just get your maid friend up there, and get her to stall johnny when he comes out. Tell her to offer him sex or drugs, or both. Fuck i don't care. Just get me that 330."
"Well where the hell am I gonna be?"
"You'll be hiding out around the corner, okay? I'll do my little segment, and then you just hidden cam that shit while the maid and i do our thing. As soon as she starts talking to him, and she has his undivided attention? That's when my time starts."
"Alright, let's do it."
"Uh, what about our diversion."
"She's already up there cleaning. I showed her the D before I came over to document your door. She said she had to get back to work. It's funny, she kept calling me meesah Kief. I thought it was cute. Reminded me of Consuela off of family guy. Cause she just kept sayin' 'no' to me."
"Probably meant she didn't wanna fuck."
"Well then I guess im a rapist, and we should hurry this along."
The two of them head towards the elevator. Inkt with a shit eating grin on his face.
"Okay, start rolling."
Kief positions the camera and faces Inkt with it.
"Mr. Johnny styles. My how the tides have changed. You and your little parrot hunter might have gotten over on Al and I last week. Good on ya, i suppose. Not for gettin over on us, but for comin out to the world about your new found sexual preference. I mean, pugh and I, and now kief. We do some fucked up shit, but that's because we're bromos. You guys? Well, i mean, if that glamour shot is any indicator as to what ya'll do in your spare time, the fuck that noise. Im stayin the hell outta your business. I bet ya'll do the naked helmet dance and shit with those title belts strapped around eachother while you take turns suckin jesse off. A little far? Maybe, a little far off? Who knows. Im not one to point fingers, but dude, you're gay. real gay. More so then a fuckin football team runnin the train on the only male cheerleader gay."
"Dude, that's gay."
"Shut up Kief."
"ok."
"See the thing is, I understand, all gayness aside as to why you turned on Pugh and I. I do, you just couldn't handle not being in the spotlight. I mean, when it's given to you time and time again, you just kind of expect it. Like a dog expects a treat when it takes a shit in the yard instead of the house or something like that. It's one of those things that sooner then later, that same dog, just goes outside, does nothing, comes trottin back in, expecting a treat. I guess that was your mentality wasn't it? You didn't need to shit, you just expected to get your treat for prancin out into the ring, doing nothing, and then being rewarded for it. Well, see, this time, it's different. This time, it's just you and me. There is no one to choke on my end, unless it's myself. There's no one to bring the quality of this match down, or even give it a questionable outcome, unless i do it on my one. I am accountable for my actions, and that is why, sir... -"
Inkt begins to stick his hand down his pants. Proceeds to whip it out, and start fiddling with it.
"Uh... what are you doing?"
"Starting the count down early, kief."
Inkt begins speaking into the camera once more.
"That is why this week is going to be a week that you won't soon forget. You thought me ratting you out to the TSAs on the way to germany was bad? You remember? Why you had to go knuckles deep in your ass to remove your little balloon of 'candy' ? Yeah.. "
Inkt groans a little bit as the elevator doors open. As they did, Inkt could hear the voices of the styles mafia down the hallway. They were making their way towards the elevators.
"Fuck dude, fuck, we're late... Moan for me or something. I don't care what it is. Show me a titty! Anything, Kief. Dammit, this isn't gonna fail. Not today. This is my one shot at infamy."
Kief whips out his tit, while the camera begins to shake as he adjusts.
"Like this?"
"Yeah, now lick it."
"What?"
"Lick it bitch!"
Like a stripper begging for singles, the look of shame comes over kief as he slowly raises his moob to his out stretched tongue.
"yeah, that's it. Now pretend like you enjoy it."
"Pretend? Right, yeah, cause this is nasty."
Inkt shakes his head, and begins to bite his lower lip. He was almost there, not a moment too soon either the sounds of Johnny and Hunter could be heard just barely a few strides away from them.
"YO! Hold the phuckin door!"
"HULLLLLKKKK SMAAASSSHHHH!"
Inkt released into his hand, and then looked at Kief who was now really getting into his titty licking.
"Dude, that's enough. Hurry focus that mother fucker on me, and then get ready to run for your fuckin life."
"I can't fuckin run. Look at me."
Kief pivots the camera and faces it at Inkt once more. Inkt looks down at the pool of jizz in his hand and then cracks and evil smile.
"Hi, my name's Inkt, and this is the spiderman."
Jumping out of the entrance to the elevator, Inkt manages to catch Johnny and hunter by surprise. A war cry escapes his lips as Kief tries to keep up with him.
"SOAK SOME UP MOTHER FUCKER!"
With that, Inkt flung the small pool of jizz at johnny stylez, hitting him directly in the cheek. The stuff seemed to stream down his face in slow motion as Inkt and Kief began to run away. Hunter, being the bright one that he was, ran back to jesse's office, knocked on the door, and waited for jesse to answer.
"Jesse, shovels, NOW!"
Jesse stepped out of the way so hunter could race in there and get he and johnny's precious fuckin shovels for the two of them. But it was too late. Inkt and Kief had already made a fuckin B line for the stairs and were already several flights down... Or up... Who's to say since no one saw which way they went, right?
The door to Inkt's floor swings open, and the two of them barrel into Inkt's room. Gasping for air, Inkt begins to strip out of his Janitor costume, with a huge grin.
"Dude, that wasn't no 330."
"Damn right. Two firsts for me."
"Which was?"
"Issuing a successful spiderman on the first try, and beating my record jerk off time. Top ten my ass. Bitch im sittin bronze now."
The scene fades with the two of them laughing to themselves.
"you know he's gonna get you back right?"
"Good for him dude, but i figured he could use a little man juice in the face given his new alternative lifestyle. Fuck him, fuck hunter, fuck jesse, fuck the mafia... Fuck it all. They want a war, they've got it. The thing is, they, as of now, are very VERY unarmed when it comes to dealing with the likes of us."
(end)
Inkt's hand is seen digging into his leg, and the rustling of pages can be heard from within the bathroom. A forced smile of pleasure slides across his lips as he rolls his eyes back turning the page of his magazine.
"Almost. ALMOST! AWWWWWWWW- HULLLLK SMAAASHHHH"
Right as Inkt was about to blow his load, his phone beeped with the 'emergency tone.' Grinding his jaw back and forth, he shakes his head.
"NOT NOW PUGH!"
The tone beeps once more. Pugh, being the bright fucker that he is, had already thought ahead as to what Inkt might be doing. He would keep sending whatever it was that needed to be sent until Inkt replied. In a fit of Rage, Inkt threw the magazine on the floor of the bathroom. Upon first glance, and really, the only glance some one would need, the title Martha Stewart Living could be made out, as well as a full on picture of the goddess herself.
"The fuck's so god damned important?"
Inkt speaking to his phone as he pulled it into his lap. Pants still around his ankles, and beads of sweat running from his face, he takes a deep, shaky breath as he runs his finger across the screen. What he found next, was enough to kill any erection any person may have had. Gay or straight for that matter.
"What.. The... Fuck...?"
Inkt tilts his head to one side, and then the next as he continues to analyze what he has just seen. The stamp on the picture said TMZ, so it had to be legit, right? Well, take it for what you will, we all know how inkt's gonna take it. And take it he did.
"I FUCKING KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!"
Hell, all his wildest dreams had damned near come true. This couldn't have come at a better time, short of last week anyways. Inkt smiles to himself, his jerkin was over for the moment. It was time for mass production. Setting his phone on the counter top of the bathroom sink, a slick smile curled his lips as he pulled up his pants. It was about to get ugly. Real fuckin ugly. Grabbing his phone on his way out of the bathroom, he entered the bedroom area of his hotel room. Still grinning from ear to ear, he couldn't help but to think of all the shit that he'd say and or do when he saw the styles mafia again. Sure, they could crack on him for takin it in the ass, or being New Edge's cabana boy and all that bull shit, but the thing that separated Inkt from those two assholes was, he was open about it. He didn't try to hide shit. If this picture was infact pure, then those two had something going on that put inkt's porn to shame. Sure, Inkt took it in the ass and everything like that, but for fuck's sake, he wasn't a cuddler. Looking at the fuckin gay ass look in both their eyes and the tender touch that hunter was offering Johnny? Oh yeah, they loved the fuckin cock. Plain and simple. Eachother's to be exact.
"It's so fucking on now, Johnny boy, so fucking on. You crack on me for bein gay and shit, and takin it in the ass? Well guess what, homo, looks like one skeleton has finally made its way out of your closet, and that bitch is rainbow. Ha."
Inkt slides his laptop onto his bed and grins to himself as he begins trollin his usual sites. Hitting up a fictional wrestling site called FedWhores he proceeded to post the image through out the forums.
"Looks like ya'll need to find new fuckin people to look up to, huh? But then again, maybe this just seals the deal when it comes to your loyalties to the obscure and redundant. I remember once when i used to look up to johnny. That was a while ago. Probably before the first time he fuckin screwed me over. Hell, now i understand why he was so mad that he didn't get to make the pin. He wanted to feel his cock pressed against... Who was it that I pinned again? Bah, fuck it, old news anyways. Moving on."
Inkt pressed a couple of more links, and found himself on photobucket. Yup, it was time to make the pic public. Knowing that after Johnny and hunter had beaten Inkt and Al, their names would be trending pretty good right about now. People looking to update their online sigs, and shit like that. Well, Inkt had the perfect pic for em. How could you go wrong with something like this? You couldn't. Fact. True story, whatever you wanna call it. After posting the picture and using some choice keywords, Inkt smiles to himself, and basically says good bye to his laptop.
"Well, i assume you're gonna be burnt into rubble or some shit in the next few days, so i might as well get my peace in now. We've had some good times. A lot of porn. A lot of viruses from porn, and well, yeah, i pretty much just used you for one thing. I have but only one regret when it comes to you, old faithful. That regret is, nuttin on the "L" key. Because, well, i do loves me some lesbians, and it makes it pretty damned hard to look up when you can't press the vital letter in the name. But don't tell anyone i said that i like the lesbos, they're content thinkin im as queer as a football bat."
Inkt leans down and presses his closed laptop to his cheek and then smiles a little bit as though he were setting a wild animal free into the world.
"What's that you say? Well of course you know i like chicks, and well, scarlet knows, and pugh knows, and ... well hell, it's just about common knowledge that I like chicks, and have in fact had sex with chicks. Tons of em."
Just then, the voice of kief can be made out from down the hall.
"You meant to say you like dudes, and have in fact had sex with them. Tons of them."
The fuck? How did he get in here? Did he seriously just witness the tenderness between inkt and his laptop?
"It's cool Inkt, don't worry about it, babe. I talk to my stuff all the time. I'm not as sensitive as you are it'd seem, but still, i like to talk to - THERE IT IS! THEIF!!!!"
Kief runs into the bathroom, and then back out with the magazine curled up in his hands.
"Did you honestly think I wouldn't notice issue number 612 missing? This is the ULTIMATE Halloween Issue of Marth Stewart Living. And you... You just help yourself to my stuff? The pages?! The pages are all bent and wrinkled, Inkt what did you do?!"
Inkt smiled and set his laptop to the side, and looks at kief with a very matter of factly tone in his voice as he speaks.
"I think you know exactly what I was doin with that. Martha was dressed like a slutty witch, and it was great, i couldn't help myself."
"You have a phone it's right here- OH MY GAWD WW... WHAT'S THIS?!"
"Yeah, that, sir, will probably be one of the most viral pictures on the internet for the next week or two. Might even rank up there with the blue waffle."
"No, nothing's gonna take down the BW. Is this for real?"
Kief begins to analyze the picture. His face quirking in different forms, trying to verify the authenticity.
"Well if it's fake, it's a damned good job. Where'd you get it? Can I have one?"
"Pugh sent it to me. Found it on the TMZ site. Go ahead and forward it to yourself. The thing that strikes me is, I never figured Johnny to be gay. I mean, he's always so damned angry."
"Well, it explains the blue hair, Inkt. I mean really. I know a thing or two about a thing or two. Kinda smart, ya know?"
"No dude, seriously, you make me look like einstein or some shit. Im sure you have your moments, and im also sure that when you do, there's no one around to see them, or if there is, then it gets dismissed as a total random accident, or some sort of rip in the vortex of dimensions or whatever it is that you think you do."
"You have no idea what you're talking about right now. I was sent here to save the sexy Bitchz. Do you know how many different dimensions i've been through when it comes to trying to find the right one? I've been through thousands. Hundreds of thousands. In one dimension you're the fat one with the beard. In another, you and Pugh are chicks... I stuck around in that one for a while. It was pretty nice. I mean, there's tranny versions of you guys. I mean, you name it, i've probably seen it, and well, fucked it."
"Your mission is to fuck us?"
"No? Well my personal- You know what, Inkt, this isn't about me right now. This is about you taking on that blue haired homo. You have any thoughts on how to get into his head, or i guess now that its all on the table, into his anus?"
Inkt smiles and looks to good ol kief.
"You know, as a matter of fact I do. To be honest, I'm gonna need your help with it also."
"A mission?"
"Only if you choose to accept it."
"Oh, i choose. I choose. What is it?"
"Im not sure yet, im still trying to work out the kinks. Usually things come to me when i jerk off, but i keep getting interrupted. By now i've got so much batter in there, i could probably swin- Holy shit, i just figured it out. Yup. I know exactly what we're gonna do, Kiefer. You're gonna enjoy this. To be honest, im glad you're here and not Pugh. Pugh wouldn't be down for this. At least not now. Not since he's head over heels for the goth princess or whatever the fuck she is."
"She's fuckin hot, that's what she is, inkt. Think there's any pics of her on the internet?"
"There is. I've seen a couple. Hell, most of the New Edge girls have some sort of porn here and there."
"Is it legit?"
"Most of it? No. But still, i mean, we get to see them every week, so its easy for us to imagine. But i mean, a little aid here and there goes a long way."
"Or in your case a short way. Have you beaten your record yet?"
"My record?"
"Yeah, pugh was tellin me that your spurt record is 3:15 or something like that."
"Oh, yeah... He told you that huh? Well, I think i was on track to beat it here today with the help of Martha, but fuck man, pugh kept sending that damned file and it fucked up my pace.I think i could have knocked it down to like 2:45 or so."
"Shit, knocking 30 seconds off is nothing to laugh at. If there was some sort of olympic sport for fastest nutting, i'd be willing to guess you'd be in like the top ten or something... Me? Well, i dont mean to brag or anything, but i've cum three times since i've been here. Pretty impressive, huh?"
Inkt looks down at kief's crotch and then back up to his face.
"Like I said, pretty impressive, huh?"
"Actually, yeah. Pretty damned impressive. Now I kind of want a never ending hard on."
"Well, it's a gift and a curse, Inkt. To be honest, it scares more people then it entices. Plus with you goin against johnny this week, as soon as you get in the ring with that hard on, he's just gonna wanna jack ya off the whole time."
"What's wrong with that?"
"I bet his hands are abrasive."
"Good point."
Inkt stands and walks over to his dresser, where sitting on top of it is his trusty handy cam. You know the one that's always being used for this that and the other. It was this camera that allowed the world to see him give it to scarlet. It was this camera from back in the day that caught pugh rockin it with a tranny. It will be this camera, that records the fall of rome, aka the styles mafia. Starting with their blue haired ceasar. Man lovin bitch. Removing the camera from it's charging station a smile comes across inkt's face once more as he extends it to kief.
"Know how to work one of these?"
"No."
"Well, you should learn here. You've got essentially ten minutes. Cause i need to finish what i was working on, and you need to get the hell outta here so i can formulate my plan a little bit more."
"Well, when the shit is this goin down?"
"I highly doubt Johnny's stayin at this hotel, so we're gonna need to catch him in his locker room. Preferably after one of his long ass rants, or after a workout or something."
"You mean ass pounding, right?"
"Why, is that your code for it?"
"Workout? Shit, i'd call it something other then that dude. Does it look like i could get away with saying i've been working out?"
"Yeah, my bad. Anyways, yeah, so familiarize yourself with that, take the charger with you, and i'll come get you in the morning."
"Uh, okay. OH! Can i film shit too?"
"I guess... Just make sure it's all erased before we use it. I don't wanna lose a thing when all's said and done."
"Yeah, okay. Does this hook right up to the computer?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Uh, no reason."
"What the fuck are you planning on doing, Kief?"
"Porn?"
"Hmmmm.... Yeah, I'll allow it. knock yourself out. Oh, there's a dark filter on there too, so you can fuck with the lights off and still record it, all paris hilton style and shit."
"For real?! That's awesome! Hey, some time you wanna pull a houdini?"
"Yeah, totally dude, we could rock that. No problem. Also, if you see pugh, let him know im looking for him."
"Yeah yeah, okay no problem. Like i said though, i think he's tryin to show his peener to emily."
"Im pretty sure that's not gonna get him to pound town, kief... just sayin."
"Probably right. Alright, Inkt. Im out. You want me to come by in the morning, or are you gonna find me?"
"I'll probably find you, Kief. I dont know how long imma be awake tonight, and if it's for too long, then it might end up bein tomorrow afternoon or some shit."
"Cool... Alright then. Thanks for the camera."
As Kieft begins to let himself out, Inkt turns and hollars in his direction.
"Oh, leave the martha stewart magazine."
"Go fuck yourself."
"I was planning on it, but i need the magazine."
"too damned bad. You should have asked in the first place. Clearly, you never had comics as a kid."
"cock."
"What was that?"
"Beer?"
"Nah, im good, thanks Inkt."
Kief lets himself out of the room once more and closes the door behind him. As Inkt hears the latch click, he throws himself on his bed, and flips on the TV. Instantly, it defaults to the Hotel's channel that offers the pay movies, the porn, and the old ass gaming stuff. Inkt's attention peaks as he begins to scroll through the porn selection.
"Seen it... Seen it... Don't care... Too black... Don't care... Seen it... Dude! Where the fuck are the college bitches?"
Frustrated, he begins to flip through the channels, and ends up on MTV. They were running one of their random ass marathons, and before inkt could change the channel thinking it was jersey shore or some shit, he hears the phrase: Hi, Im johnny knoxville, and this is jackass.
"Now that's quality right there."
Inkt smiles, leans to the side of the bed, and pulls a beer out of the now melted ice bucket. Cracking to the top, he pulls it to his lips with one hand, while un buttoning the top button of his pants. He wasn't gonna rip one out to the cast of jackass, but just incase a nikki minage video or some shit came on, he wanted to be ready.
Watching the show for what seemed to be hours on end, we find Inkt passed out in bed, with one hand down his pants, and several beer bottles littered about him. Snoring loudly, now is as good a time to call it a night as any.
---------------------------------------------
Next Morning.... I think?
---------------------------------------------
Inkt rolls over in bed, issuing a loud enough fart that it wakes him up. Bringing his head up, his eyes take forever to adjust as he tries to focus on the bed side clock. It read, 1830... Or maybe it was 1030... Probably the latter. As Inkt tries to steady himself, he swings his legs over the side of the bed, and runs his hands through his hair and over his face. He had felt hung over as all hell, but he didn't drink nearly enough to get to that point. Just then, he heard a soft thud against his door. Standing, he makes his way over to it, almost rolling an ankle on an empty bottle.
"Jesus fuck..."
The thud could be heard again. Inkt opens the door to his room, and in spills Kief.
"Kief, the fuck are you doin?"
"Documenting your door. It wasn't zooming in enough, so i figured i'd get closer to it. Anyways, I think i might have broken your camera."
"WHAT?! Are you shitting me?"
Kief hands Inkt the camera. The view finder was a little bit cracked, but nothing major.
"I guess we're even for the whole martha stewart magazine episode yesterday then, huh?"
Inkt shrugged, as the camera was still useful and not really all that broken. It still did what it had to do. Quickly, he moved it over to his beloved laptop, plugged the USB cable in, and began going through the stuff that was on there. One file read, 'pound town'.
"Kief, did you save any of these to your shit?"
Before Kief could answer, Inkt had already deleted the files.
"uh... Yeah?"
"You don't know, do you?"
"Nope. It was fun though, I made food porn last night. I had a banana giving it to an orange, and then the strawberries joined in, and then..."
"You know, i hate to say it, but im actually pretty interested in seeing that."
"I'll show you when i get all the post work done. I still need to dub in some voices and stuff like that."
"Like voices from porn?"
"Yup."
"Nice."
"Oh! So, what are we gonna do to Johnny today?"
Inkt nods to himself, and then looks up from his screen.
"Im so glad you asked. So, last night on TV, they were running a jackass marathon, right?"
"Ok."
"Well, i got to thinkin. You know how they do those segment... You know what? Im not gonna ruin it. You'll just have to follow me, okay?"
"Uh, okay. I can do that, i guess."
"No, you will do that. Cause like i said, what im about to do, im pretty sure no one else is gonna be willing to record that shit."
Kief looks a bit nervous as he quietly agrees to Inkt's terms.
"You... You aren't gonna kill him or something, or make a snuff film or some shit are ya?"
"Nope... Well, not exactly... Dammit Kief. Come on. Let's get the fuck outta here..."
"Well, do you know where he is?"
"Not exactly, but if i were a gamblin man, this close to the show, im sure that he's havin a sit down with the rest of those fucks and with jesse coming up with ways to make sure their shit looks uber important during the show. So, that being said, let's uh... hmmm... Let's see if we can't find out where jesse's staying?"
"Top floor. Third suite on the left. I managed to lift the master key card off of one of the maids I was showin my peener to last night."
"Did you record it?"
"Yup."
"Did you save it?"
"Nope..."
"Sorry dude, it's gone now."
"Fuck."
"Pretty much. Alright, well, let's see what we can't find. You know where the janitor's closet is?"
"No, but pugh does."
"Don't you lie to me kief. You know damn good and well where it is."
Kief hangs his head a little bit, and then tries to look innocent.
"Down the hall, third door on the left next to valora's room."
"Well, that figures. Put a messican next to the janitor's closet. Shocker."
Inkt laughs as the joke clearly goes over kief's head.
"Alright, well, we need to look the part. So, what we're gonna do is, dress up as janitors, and keep our heads low. Then we're gonna go on jesse's floor and stakeout his room. Like i said, knowing them, they'll be having some sort of meeting. When the meeting's done, that's when i need you to call on your little latin lover to stall johnny for a good three minutes and thirty seconds."
"Exactly three thirty?"
"Well, unless you let me tape a picture of martha stewart to your chest."
"330 it is. Okay, so, while this is going on?"
"While this is going, i need you to keep your eyes on mine. Not any where else, you got me?"
"I think so... Dude, what are you gonna be doing."
"No time for that. Mission implausible starts now."
The two of them then leave Inkt's room, and they continue down the hall towards the janitor's closet. Looking from side to side, Inkt slides into the closet first, and begins rummaging for stuff. He manages to find a smelly ass uniform. He begins to put it on over his clothes. The thing barely fits, and if he were to move too fast in any direction, that thing was gonna split some where. He then began to search for something for Kief to wear. Unfortunately, there wasn't anything else. Coming out of the closet, Inkt smiles and lowers his cap to try and hide his face a little bit, while popping the collars. You know, cliche attempted spy shit.
"Was there anything in there for me?"
"Sorry dude, i didn't see anything. Even if there was, there's no way it'd fit you. I wonder..."
"OH! I totally forgot. I actually have a maid's outfit."
"Why in the hell would you have one of those?"
"Uh, cause some times i like to dress up like a girl when im takin other girls to pound town?"
"Valid. Okay, go get that shit on."
"Thing is, Inkt... It's kinda... well, its a fetish outfit. So i mean, it looks like a maid's gig when you look at it real quick. But there's some things that you begin to notice if you stare too long at it."
"Oh, like what?"
"My tits hang out for one."
"Uh... You know what? Fuck it, we're wasting enough time as it is. Tell ya what, just get your maid friend up there, and get her to stall johnny when he comes out. Tell her to offer him sex or drugs, or both. Fuck i don't care. Just get me that 330."
"Well where the hell am I gonna be?"
"You'll be hiding out around the corner, okay? I'll do my little segment, and then you just hidden cam that shit while the maid and i do our thing. As soon as she starts talking to him, and she has his undivided attention? That's when my time starts."
"Alright, let's do it."
"Uh, what about our diversion."
"She's already up there cleaning. I showed her the D before I came over to document your door. She said she had to get back to work. It's funny, she kept calling me meesah Kief. I thought it was cute. Reminded me of Consuela off of family guy. Cause she just kept sayin' 'no' to me."
"Probably meant she didn't wanna fuck."
"Well then I guess im a rapist, and we should hurry this along."
The two of them head towards the elevator. Inkt with a shit eating grin on his face.
"Okay, start rolling."
Kief positions the camera and faces Inkt with it.
"Mr. Johnny styles. My how the tides have changed. You and your little parrot hunter might have gotten over on Al and I last week. Good on ya, i suppose. Not for gettin over on us, but for comin out to the world about your new found sexual preference. I mean, pugh and I, and now kief. We do some fucked up shit, but that's because we're bromos. You guys? Well, i mean, if that glamour shot is any indicator as to what ya'll do in your spare time, the fuck that noise. Im stayin the hell outta your business. I bet ya'll do the naked helmet dance and shit with those title belts strapped around eachother while you take turns suckin jesse off. A little far? Maybe, a little far off? Who knows. Im not one to point fingers, but dude, you're gay. real gay. More so then a fuckin football team runnin the train on the only male cheerleader gay."
"Dude, that's gay."
"Shut up Kief."
"ok."
"See the thing is, I understand, all gayness aside as to why you turned on Pugh and I. I do, you just couldn't handle not being in the spotlight. I mean, when it's given to you time and time again, you just kind of expect it. Like a dog expects a treat when it takes a shit in the yard instead of the house or something like that. It's one of those things that sooner then later, that same dog, just goes outside, does nothing, comes trottin back in, expecting a treat. I guess that was your mentality wasn't it? You didn't need to shit, you just expected to get your treat for prancin out into the ring, doing nothing, and then being rewarded for it. Well, see, this time, it's different. This time, it's just you and me. There is no one to choke on my end, unless it's myself. There's no one to bring the quality of this match down, or even give it a questionable outcome, unless i do it on my one. I am accountable for my actions, and that is why, sir... -"
Inkt begins to stick his hand down his pants. Proceeds to whip it out, and start fiddling with it.
"Uh... what are you doing?"
"Starting the count down early, kief."
Inkt begins speaking into the camera once more.
"That is why this week is going to be a week that you won't soon forget. You thought me ratting you out to the TSAs on the way to germany was bad? You remember? Why you had to go knuckles deep in your ass to remove your little balloon of 'candy' ? Yeah.. "
Inkt groans a little bit as the elevator doors open. As they did, Inkt could hear the voices of the styles mafia down the hallway. They were making their way towards the elevators.
"Fuck dude, fuck, we're late... Moan for me or something. I don't care what it is. Show me a titty! Anything, Kief. Dammit, this isn't gonna fail. Not today. This is my one shot at infamy."
Kief whips out his tit, while the camera begins to shake as he adjusts.
"Like this?"
"Yeah, now lick it."
"What?"
"Lick it bitch!"
Like a stripper begging for singles, the look of shame comes over kief as he slowly raises his moob to his out stretched tongue.
"yeah, that's it. Now pretend like you enjoy it."
"Pretend? Right, yeah, cause this is nasty."
Inkt shakes his head, and begins to bite his lower lip. He was almost there, not a moment too soon either the sounds of Johnny and Hunter could be heard just barely a few strides away from them.
"YO! Hold the phuckin door!"
"HULLLLLKKKK SMAAASSSHHHH!"
Inkt released into his hand, and then looked at Kief who was now really getting into his titty licking.
"Dude, that's enough. Hurry focus that mother fucker on me, and then get ready to run for your fuckin life."
"I can't fuckin run. Look at me."
Kief pivots the camera and faces it at Inkt once more. Inkt looks down at the pool of jizz in his hand and then cracks and evil smile.
"Hi, my name's Inkt, and this is the spiderman."
Jumping out of the entrance to the elevator, Inkt manages to catch Johnny and hunter by surprise. A war cry escapes his lips as Kief tries to keep up with him.
"SOAK SOME UP MOTHER FUCKER!"
With that, Inkt flung the small pool of jizz at johnny stylez, hitting him directly in the cheek. The stuff seemed to stream down his face in slow motion as Inkt and Kief began to run away. Hunter, being the bright one that he was, ran back to jesse's office, knocked on the door, and waited for jesse to answer.
"Jesse, shovels, NOW!"
Jesse stepped out of the way so hunter could race in there and get he and johnny's precious fuckin shovels for the two of them. But it was too late. Inkt and Kief had already made a fuckin B line for the stairs and were already several flights down... Or up... Who's to say since no one saw which way they went, right?
The door to Inkt's floor swings open, and the two of them barrel into Inkt's room. Gasping for air, Inkt begins to strip out of his Janitor costume, with a huge grin.
"Dude, that wasn't no 330."
"Damn right. Two firsts for me."
"Which was?"
"Issuing a successful spiderman on the first try, and beating my record jerk off time. Top ten my ass. Bitch im sittin bronze now."
The scene fades with the two of them laughing to themselves.
"you know he's gonna get you back right?"
"Good for him dude, but i figured he could use a little man juice in the face given his new alternative lifestyle. Fuck him, fuck hunter, fuck jesse, fuck the mafia... Fuck it all. They want a war, they've got it. The thing is, they, as of now, are very VERY unarmed when it comes to dealing with the likes of us."
(end)