Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2013 16:01:31 GMT -6
!!!!WELL ISN'T THIS JUST F'N LoVeLy!!!!
Once Again My Pay Per View Celebration Has Been CUT SHORT DUE TO UNFORSEEN CIRCUMSTANCEZ!!!
As I am stuck cleaning up one of Hunter's messes, but he is my friend and that's what friend's do. So until he recovers and awakens from that smackdown my female cousin just put on him it looks like for the time being it's just me, and the
!!!!K.I.D.Z.!!!!
DuN, DuN, DuN!!!!
Mere moments after knocking Hunter out, the sister of Jesse and my cousin then suddenly realized what exactly just happened. The thrill and joy that came with punching Hunter in the face was quickly replaced with fear as she just realized that by knocking Hunter out, she was left with no choice other than to leave her children in the care of yours truly!!!
I could see the look of fear overcome her face as she turned to me and began what many would consider a lecture but to me sounded more like a threat, because well let's face it there is a reason the world of NEW EDGE has yet to meet Katie as he relationship with Jesse, Myself and the rest of the family hasn't always been the best, as she has never been a fan of the family business. Jesse's father, my uncle got Jesse into it, as they prmoted and built the HWA back in the gap, and well we have been working in this business since I joined the Styles Clan some fifteen years ago, and as we all know this business puts a strain on family as our job requires constant travel, and well given the fact that Jesse was his Father's right hand man for all those years until he turned everything over to Jesse and Jesse took all three of the companies he worked for to major heights Jesse was definitley his Father's favorite and rightfully so, because between you and I ladies and gentz, KaTie was what you would call a
!!!!!RaGiNG B.I.T.C.H.!!!!!
LiKe SeRiOuSLy, I Wasn't COnViNCED SHE AND PUGH's WIFE WERENT RELATED SOME NOW!
But never the less, I didn't catch the beginning of Katie's lecture as I had devlopled a talent over the years for tuning out what she said, but then I rememberd I was going to be taking care of her rugrats for her, so it might be in my best interest to try and at least pay a little attention incase she dropped clues on how to shut them up, what to feed them, and more importantly how to put them to sleep without knocking them out or putting them in some kind of submission hold that would do the trick, because once again need I remind each of you just who the phuck I am, and well babysitter is one of the things not found on The PaRaGoNa of AMeRICaNA's resume!
Katie Styles: And I swear to God Johnny, if I come back and they don't still have all ten fingers and all ten toes, you are gunna join your little friend for a nap down there!
LA Johnny Stylez: Meh, not possible my jaw is stronger than his, hahahahahaha...
Katie Styles: Jokes?....It's always fucking jokes with you! Could you do me a favor and not be a raging dickhead for one minute, this is serious Johnny! I need to go get some shit done, and believe me if I had other options I would persue them but I have no one else, which is obvious if I am letting YOU WATCH THEM!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well Katie before you go any further please allow me to remind you that the main reason they are now in my care instead of both me and Hunter's is because once again you fail to hold onto your temper. I swear to God I don't know what it is with you and the rest of the family, but yall need phucking anger management, if you didn't have such a short fuse you wouldn't be in this situation, and well if I had to venture a guess I'd say one of the reasons you can't find another baby sitter is because well, Hmm how do I put this as delicately as I can...YOU'RE A BITCH...And YES that's me being nice! So look spare me your lecture because this is a bad situation all around. I know what I am about to say is going to scare you but it's the truth whether you wanna hear it or not. I want to watch your kids as much as you want to leave them with me. But since we don't have any other option and well my friend's chances at attaining the World Heavyweight Championship hang in the balance for this I think it's hightime your two little ones spent some quality time with their Uncle Johnny. Do I know anything about taking care of kids?
!!!!!PHUCK NO!!!!!
But HoW HaRD CaN THIS BE RIGHT?
Katie Styles: Johnny now is really not the time for you to be an arrogant jerk, I know it's just so hard doing what you and Messy Jesse do, but seriously I promise you this, dealing with children is much more difficult then anything you have ever done!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well look the way I see it is, you are wasting time, the quicker you stop bitching and just go and take care of whatever it is you need to take care of, the sooner you can get back. NOW GO, we'll be fine. We'll just sit around have a few beers and call it a night.
Katie's face drops as Johnny laughs as he holds his hands up and says...
LA Johnny Stylez: I'm kidding, relax. I just orderd some pizza we'll be fine go.
Katie then goes over a seemingly never ending list of do's and don'ts for the kids that I honestly can't tell you about because I quit listening after the first two or three, because well despite the fact that Roger once again demonstrated how phucking stupid he is to the world and dropped me with a WRIGHT STUFF, which on a totally unrelated note ironicallyt enough he would find over the next few weeks was the
!!!!WRONG F'N MOVE!!!!
...But I DiGRESS
I was in a rather pleasent mood because any time I defeat Roger I just feel a little better about myself, and well as of right now I was still a CHAMPION in NEW and still a member of the most dominant faction in New Edge Wrestling, so tonight I was in a good mood and up to the challenge of taking care of these little rugrats, and if all else fails I would bundle them up and take them to a resteraunt up the street or something and use them to pick up chicks, because well let's face it girls go crazy over a guy taking care of kids and I'm pretty sure I could pull that off, because on top of that, there is the simple fact that well...I'm
!!!LA JOHNNY STYLEZ!!!
...AND I GeT MoRE ASS THEN A TOILET SEAT...
And well if I had these little rug biters with me it'd almost be too easy, so either way it was a win win. So Katie gathered her things, threatened my life and health once more if her kids were not in the same condition they were as she left them, and then she left. And as the door slammed behind her, I was then struck with the notion that maybe, this wasn't going to be as easy as I thought it was. Because well I was just trying to get Katie the phuck outta here, and well a few moments ago I had built it up in my head that this was going to be a piece of cake, but when I turned around and saw them running around the room like lunatics it suddenly dawned on me that maybe everyone is right and I do need to stop smoking so much pot...
!!!!Ju$T KiDDIN!!!!
Because If ANYTHING WAS GOING TO GET US THROUGH THIS IT'S THAT!
SO I went with my first instinct which was to let them run around Hunter's house like a bunch of crazy asses and maybe they would wear themselves out. I mean after all Hunter HADDDDD to run his mouth, and had to cause Katie to knock the piss out of him, which in his condition after TerrorDome maybe wasn't the best idea. And well I was doing him a favor because well as Jesse said as reward for doing this Hunter was going to be the first in line to take that title from around the waist of that joke of a CHAMPION Inkt. So when he woke up and saw his house a mess and
!!!!!!CRASH!!!!!!
...And Now His New LAMP BROKEN...OOPz!!!!
He could still thank me for recieving an opportunity that was well over due. Because well Hunter and I were a team and he'd do the same for me, but then again I wouldn't put myself in a position to be knocked out before I baby sat but that's just me but that was beside the point, because well Hunter was phucking OUT COLD, and I was stuck with two children who were currently causing more destruction then King Kong and Godzilla put together, which was fine by me, because I had to go in the kitchen and whip up a batch of my special brownies as per the normal post PPV ritual.
So while I was in the kitchen putting the brownies in the oven I heard the scariest sound I have ever heard in my brief stint in baby sitting. While I'll admit I know nothing about baby sitting I do know that sheer silence is not a good thing unless they are napping and I definitley didn't put them down for a nap, so I got the uneasy feeling in my stomach that something was wrong, and boy was I right.
I rushed into the living room where they were sitting there with Hunter's twelve remotes, because of course Hunter had to have one of those phucking TV's that requires fifty different phucking remotes, as they were just pushing buttons. A feeling of relief came over me as I discovered that they hadn't killed themselves or each other, as I sat and watched them try and turn Hunter's TV on. After a few moments of failed attempts it wasn't long before one of those sterotypical childish temper tantrums began to arize. Which by the way was how I could tell Hunter was phucking OUT COLD, because well if he didn't wake up after this ruckus he was either in a coma or dead, which I hoped wasn't the case because defending the Tag Titles by myself was not something I wanted to do.
So the boys turned and saw me, then stood up and walked over to me and began chanting like the wild heathens they were, chanting something that I knew absolutley nothing about. Luckily I recall Hunter talking to Jesse about it eariler and seemingly this would be an easy fix.
Boys: THOMAS THE TRAIN, THOMAS, THOMAS, THOMAS, THOMAS...
LA Johnny Stylez: WHO THE PHUCK IS THOMAS?
Micheal: Thomas the Train...
LA Johnny Stylez: What the phuck is that?
Micheal: What the fuck is Thomas?
LA Johnny Stylez: NO! Don't say that!
Micheal: WHAT THE FUCK IS THOMAS HAHAHAHAHA?
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh damnit your mom is gunna kill me...OK what phucking channel does it come on?
Micheal: WE WANT THOMAS, WE WANT THOMAS, NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
LA Johnny Stylez: OK, I'll figure it out JESUS, just do me a favor and shut up!
Jon: HEY YOU'RE NOT POSE TO SAY SHUD UP MISSER!
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhh, right, do you wanna watch Thomas the Truck or what kid?
Micheal: IT'S THOMAS THE TRAIN DUMB DUMB!
I had to continue to tell myself silently that it's not ok to back hand a little kid. It was hard because anyone who speaks to me like that gets a back hand, but I some how found myself in a situation where all the rules in the world I lived in had changed, and well these kids were related to me and well I have a feeling Katie would literally kill me if anything like that happened, so I turned on the TV and by the grace of the good LORD found Thomas The Train. Once the familiar ICON popped up on the TV the boys rejoiced like it was Christmas morning, and sat down to watch as I hit play. But of course it wasn't good enough, why would it be?
Jon: We'b already seen this one Uncle Johnny...
LA Johnny Stylez: Are you sure?
Micheal: OF COURSE WE ARE SURE DUMB DUMB!
LA Johnny Stylez: Micheal, don't think I won't piledrive you!
Micheal: WHat's a piledriber?
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh Jesus..Look, fine I'll find one you two haven't seen just PLEASE BE QUIET!
So I surfed throgh the netflix until I finally found one they have probably seen a hundred times, but watched anyway, because as I was surfing there was a knock at the door, and it was then my turn to get excited, because finally the pizza dood had arrived to bring me some peace in a square shaped box of heaven, where heaven did indeed come by the slice.
LA Johnny Stylez: Pizza's here boys yall sit and watch Thomas and I'll fix you guys some.
Jon: But Uncle JOHNNY WE'VE SEEN THIS ONE...
LA Johnny Stylez: AWESOME, I'll be right back!
I open the door and I hand the dude a fifty and told him to keep the change. I then went back into the other room and of course Hunter didn't have any got damn paper plates so, I then decided to do things the Johnny way as I brought the box of pizza into the living room plopped it down on the floor in front of the TV and told the boys to dig in, and dig in they did. Hopefully Hunter won't mind the pizza stains on his rug either because apparently these two young gentlemen weren't familiar with the concept of making sure all of the pizza went into your mouth, a skill that takes practice and what better place to practice then uncle Hunter's carpet...
So finally we had some peace and quiet, or so I thought as I sat and began to eat the pizza that I had been waiting eons for, as the two boys began singing the lame ass songs that were sung on these stupid ass cartoons. As I sat and watched a feeling of rage came over me as this shit was so phucking stupid. I don't know what it is with kids these days, but when I was younger I didn't watch pussy shit like this. I mean this shit was so lame it was literally driving me phucking nutz. But these two boys phucking LOVVVVED IT. Call me selfish call me whatever you want, but after ten minutes of listening to kids sing about trains with faces I couldn't phucking take it anymore and I turned it off.
The looks on their faces were terrible. It was like I just killed Santa in front of them or something. I couldn't help but laugh at them as they turned back and looked at me with pizza sauce all over their faces as they looked like they were gunna cry.
Jon: HEY! WHAT HAPPENED TO THOMAS?
Micheal: WE WERE WATCHIN THAT!
Boys: THOMAS, THOMAS, THOMAS, THOMAS!!!!
I was kinda hoping this would wake Hunter up and I would be relieved of my command because I seriously could not watch another phucking second of that crap. It was too nice for me, and it literally drove me insane. But no such luck because by now they were screaming at the top of their lungs and were on the verge of tears and if there was ever a sound more phucking irritating then having to listen to kids sing about stupid ass trains with stupid phucking facial expressions it was that. So I had to think quickly.
LA Johnny Stylez: Sorry gentlemen but Thomas is DEAD...
Jon: DEAD?...NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
And in that very moment I shocked myself as the look on little Jon's face when I said that was a look of sorrow that made me realize I had something I thought to have rid myself of long ago...My conscience. SO in an effort to make him not feel so bad so he wouldn't look at me with those little puppy dog eyes I changed my reply.
LA Johnny Stylez: I meant he is taking a nap. He'll be back on in a little while. But in the mean time since he is napping how would you two like to hear a story?
Jon: Is it about Thomas?
LA Johnny Stylez: NO it's not about Thomas or any stupid phucking trains. I know you two are too young to understand this, but PHUCK THOMAS!
Jon/Micheal: PHUCK THOMAS!
LA Johnny Stylez: RIGHT! I'm gunna tell you guys a real story about some real trains...SOME BIG BAD ASS TRAINS! So have a seat grab some more pizza and listen to one of the greatest stories ever phucking told!
Micheal: What's the name of this story Uncle Johnny?
LA Johnny Stylez: It's called the ENGINE's THAT COULDN'T!
***TiMe OuT***
OK so the version of the story that I told the kids and the one I am going to break down for you moronz at home are going to be quite different in details only. Due to the fact that I told this tale to children while HIGH as a GIRAFFE's ass made it a little complicated because I had to incorporate things and characters to their liking. FOr instance the characters in the story were Trains because as you saw previosuly for some odd reason these two kids loved trains. Yet those are the only details that changed the message and what the story is/was about remains the same.
And what this story is about is quite simple. I like every story began
!!!!OnCE UPoN A TiMe!!!!
WiTH TWO MEN WHO REFUSED TO BE DENIED!
Two men who started with nothing and built an entire phucking EMPIRE! Two men who faced all the adversity one could face. Two men who laid the foundation and are the very reason a kingdom exists at all. Two men who spit in the face of authority and left a trail of broken bodies, dreams, hopes, and ambitionz for the to achieve what they wanted. Two men who refused to be denied at every turn, and despite what challenges lay ahead of them found a way to conquer and destroy all that laid in their path. Two men who at every step found a way to succede, even who even rose to the challenge of personal bickering and found their way to the top once more.
The tale as if you couldn't tell was the epic story of the current TAG TEAM CHAMPIONZ OF THE WORLD! The story of the two men who built the NEW tag team division after it was killed off and made it one of the single greatest divisions in all of wrestling. A tale of the two men who brought the division back from the dead and not only breathed a life into the tag team division but molded the direction of the entire company.
So let them say what they want but had it not been for DomestiK DisturbancE there would be not tag team wrestling in New Edge Wrestling, as we have faced and defeated every challenge in front of us especially the only one that could bring us down which was internal bickering and still after years of not teaming together picked up where we left off and returned to our rightful place atop the throne of the NEW Tag Team Division.
And we did so because we are a TEAM...NO Scratch that THE PHUCKING TEAM. It's our knowledge of each other, and it's our common interest that have left countless victims sent home failures and in defeat. Our story is one of struggle and most impoirtantly victory, because DomestiK DisturbancE is all about both and we epitomize both, and the reason we have earned our way into the Hall of Fame is because of the standard that we set, and as we have proven the only ones who could stop us, was US...And now that we are on the same page it's going to take more than some flash in the pan teams that have been thrown together to stop the ruthless juggernaut that is DomestiK DisturbancE.
Our every opponent bears the scars that come with facing us as teams have fallen at our feet, because we refuse to settle for anything less than what we want, and that is why anytime DomestiK DisturbancE is around we DOMINATE the scene and have returned once again to wreak havoc and mold the direction of this company as we once again establish ourselves as the single greatest tag team in the world.
***TImE IN ***
The story has ended as both Katie Styles boys Micheal and Little Jon were sitting on the couch with their toy trains and each of them were holding the NEW Tag Team Titles across their shoulder. Since the version of the story they heard involved trains and evil engines and all that happy horse shit they were enthralled and totally captivated by Uncle Johnny's story of two HEROs who rose to the top leaving nothing but destruction and broken dreams in their wake. And just as Johnny reached the Happily Ever After a timer went off in the kitchen as Johnny, turned to the boys with a smile on his face, and says
LA Johnny Stylez: OK gentlemen, who wants BRoWNiEZ?
***FeW HoURZ LaTeR***
There is a knock on the door, that goes unanswered, as soon in a fit of fear Katie busts open the door and rushes in to find Johnny and her two sons sleeping on the couch. Johnny is sitting up as the two kids are resting on his lap with the tag titles slung over their shoulders. Katie stops and looks around and doesn't see any blood, and notices that they ineed have all ten of their fingers and toes still attached. A smile comes over her face as she for once was surprised by her cousin who is highly regarded as the phuck up of the family.
She leans over and flicks Johnny on the head, as Johnny wakes up. She smiles and says high to Johnny, as she picks up her youngest son Jon,
Katie Styles: Hey there lil Jon, you ready to go home?
Jon: Yesh Mommy...
Katie Styles: Did you have a good time with Uncle Johnny?
Micheal: Ohh boy we ser did! We ate pizza, and broke Uncle Hunter's lamps and he told us an awesome story about two trains, and four other trains who are full of nothing but steam.
Katie Styles: Uncle Johnny told you a story?...
Jon: Yeah because Thomas was taking a nap!
Katie Styles: Well ok, it's time to go home, so let's go climb in the car and I promise you boyus can watch Thomas all the way home...
Micheal: PHUCK THOMAS MOMMY!
The obscenity falls from her sons mouth as she looks at Johnny as if she knew it was almost too good to be true. Johnny can't help himself as he just smiles and shakes his head laughing as he shrugs his shoulders. He stands up and takes trhe Tag TItles from the boys as Katie punches him in the arm. She then loads them and brings them downstairs. Despite the little F-BoMb Katie was very much impressed with Johnny as the boys seemed to have a remarkable time with the most unlikley baby sitter in the world....Well I'm sure that was the case but they were young and not to mention completley stoned so of course they thought they had a good time. That stupid add story Johnny told them of course seemed awesome. It would have seemed awesome to any stoned 5 year old!
But after Katie and her two little ones leave, Johnny grabs a glass of water and throws it in Hunter's face.
Hunter Valentyne: GOT DAMNIT...WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? WHERE THE FUCK AM I?
LA Johnny Stylez: We are at your crib, and well...As far as what happened goes...
!!!!YoU GoT KNoCKeD THE PHUCK OUT!!!!
BY A CHICK!!!!
Hunter Valentyne: Are you fucking kidding me?
LA Johnny Stylez: Does it look like I'm kidding you? Does it feel like I'm kidding you?...Ohh and two little boys owe you a few new lamps and you might wanna call the carpet cleaner!
Hunter Valentyne: Johnny got damnit, can you please just shut up for a minute until I get my head on straight?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah do what you do dawg. But get up...Because Kamikazee is in the books it's now time for us to prove why we are the greatest tag team in New Edge Wrestling history! It's time to put New Edge Wrestling in their place and show them once and for phuckin all who is in control. ANd it's espeically time to show them what it takes to survive in our TAG TEAM division dawg...
Hunter Valentyne: You're about to go rant aren't ya?
LA Johnny Stylez: OHHHH YEAH!
Hunter Valentyne: Well do me a favor, and do that shit outside I have a splitting phucking headache!
!!!HeaVeN F'N HeLP NEW EDGE WRESTLING!!!
And THaT RoSTeR CHaLKeD FULL OF HYPOCRITICAL WHINY BABY BITCHEZ!!!
Never in my phucking life have I seen such a group of self righteous asshats uniting under one banner, who are guilty of the same things they accuse us of. Is it really even a wonder why week in and week out it is ALWAYZ, and I DO MEAN PHUCKING ALWAYZ The Styles MaFia standing tall in the ring to end either Ignite or a Pay Per VIew? It's the main reason we are winning this war, because despite what they say or believe those phuck mooks who offer themselves up as opposition to us aint no better than we are, in terms of what they think of us. And that is why week in and week out it is Myself and the other member of the Styles MaFia who end up having
!!!!THE La$T F'N LaUGH!!!!
BeCaUse AT THe EnD OF THE DAY, THEM AND THEIR CAUsES AINT NOTHIN BUT A GOT DAMN JOKE!!!
Because what seperates us from them, besides the one obvious answer which is uh...
!!!!T.A.L.E.N.T.!!!!
DuH...
At least we have the courage to admit what we are. Are we honest? NoPE!!! Do We FiGHT FaIR? NoPE! DO WE GET THE PHUCKIN JOB DONE?...NiNe TIMEZ OUTTA TEN YES! Like I figured each one of Hunter's and my opponents this week went out of their way to point out my least favoirte character trait of my tag team partner of promising victory and not delivering. But really while they sit there and jump his phucking case about it, find me one of them...JUST PHUCKING ONE OF THEM that hasn't or wasn't guilty of
!!!!THE EXACT SAME F'N THING THIS WEEK!!!!
OR AT SOME OTHER POINT IN THEIR VERY LACKLUSTER CAREER!!!
Valora has made so many got damn World Title promises that the fact that she even brings up what Hunter did this past week is ridicilious. And Matt Slater...Well let's just say the only reason one of the only accolades to his phucking name is a Youngblood title is because he couldn't make good on a few promises of his own, and by a few, I mean
!!!!A LOT!!!!
And I COULD KEEP GOIN BUT YOU PHUCK MOOX GET THE POINT RIGHT?...RIGHT!!!!
Or DO YOU? Because each and every single one of them is throwing stones like they haven't commited the sins themselves. But wait just a second, of course they haven't just because they are on the opposite side and their cause is a little more righteous than ours is, they are cleared from being held accountable for such crimes. Or at least that's the phucking case until they run into any of us, and then we set the phucking record straight. Isn't that right KRoNiN?...Or should I say THE FORMER NEW WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPION?...Hey at least you are now known as something right? You just like Matt Slater will walk around and brag about your silly LITTLE accolade and brag about being a former Champion, but you know just as well as I and anyone else with a MeMoRy or BRAIN know good and got damn well that your reign as Television Champion was about as much of a joke as Valora's promises and bids to become NEW World Heavyweight Champion. Yet all four of you want to sit there and run your mouths like anything any of you say has a shred of relevance or credibility, when really most of you are just talking for the sake of
!!!!F'N TaLKING!!!!
ONLy AT IGNITE THIS WEEK THE TALKING COMES TO AN END
ANd once again the four of you will be shown up by the Styles MaFia and I can't wait t hear your buffet of excuses then! Because the thing I find most humorous is that so far each of you have predicted that Hunter and Myself will over look the other teams in this match, and even though we have every phucking right to do just that, that isn't exactly the case I assure you. Because if the four of you could remove your heads from your asses long enough to catch a breathe of fresh air you would see for yourselves that if anyone is phucking guilty of underestimating anyone it is you four underestimating us! Saying that DomestiK DisturbancE doesn't deserve this, or DomestiK DisturbancE doesn't desreve that...
???ARE YOU F'N KiDDING ME???
WHILE WE ARE ON THE F'N SUBJECT, QUICK ONE OF YOU TELL ME WHY EITHER OF YOU FOUR DESERVE A SHOT AT HUNTER'S AND MY TAG TEAM TITLES?
DID the United or UnSTaBLE team win any number one contendership matches? Have either of you ever teamed before? Oh so now all of a phucking sudden the four of you are experts on who deserves what around here? WHat just because you don't like or agree with the way The STyLES MaFIA takes care of BuSiNeSS?...No to be honest that's not even it, you think and say the bullshit that you do because our success has come at your expense, but at the end of the day you phucking little children need to wake the phuck up and place the blame where it truly resides, which is
!!!!ON YOURSELVEZ!!!!
WHich Is WHy I DON'T EVEN GET MAD AT THE SHIT THAT FALLS FROM YOUR IGNORANT MOUTHZ!!!
Because you can say what you want, but at the end of the day like I said eariler you all are just running your cocksuckers for the sake of running your cocksuckerz, but history is written by the victors and the one and only thing that is important in this business is VICTORY! And in that regard we are hands and feet above the four of you by LEAPZ AND PHUCKING BOUNDZ! You dipshits can have your honor and respect, I'll keep my victories and CHAMPIONSHIP gold if it's all the same to you! SO do me a favor Valora, next time you decide to try and talk down to someone who has done something FIVE TIMES that you have failed to do THREE TIMES NOW, just keep your rug munching mouth shut because all you are doing is
!!!!MaKiNG YOURSELF LOOK STUPID!!!!
AS IF LOSING THREE STRAIGHT WORLD TITLE MATCHES DIDN'T DO THAT ALREADY YA DUMB CUNT!
Because it's just a little funny to me that you wanna sit there and talk about what I've been handed over my career, as if you have a phucking clue to begin with, on the very week YOU HAVE BEEN HANDED A SHOT AT THE WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES FOR DOING ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING EXECPT FOR THE ONE THING YOU HAVE BECOME NOTORIOUS FOR DOING OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS WHICH IS
!!!!!F.A.I.L.!!!!!
LET ME SAY THAT ONE MoRe TIME SO MAYBE IT SINKZ IN DIP SHIT
!!!!!F.A.I.L.!!!!!
THERE ARE WE CLEAR NOW?
That and well since your phucking dip shit partner has become a samurai shogun or whatever, since he failed to win the XKoRe title match last week according to his new stanards he is suppose to kill himself because SHOGUNS cannot live without honor. So hopefully, if he's smart which, well this is Judas we are talking about after all, should be doing himself, us and the rest of the world a favor and should be taking a long walk off a short cliff by now...Which ya know is probably a load of shit because despite this fantasy world Judas lives in where he is this great warrior is nothing more than just that. THe one thing the two of you can count on is DomestiK DisturbancE doiing what we've always done, and if Judas Dathan was DisHoNored by his failure in the XKoRe title match at Kamikazee,
!!!!WAIT TILL YOU SEE WHAT WE DO TO HIS ASS THIS WEEK!!!!
AS JUDAS AND VALORA Won'T BE WALKING OUT OF IGNITE WITH THEIR HONOR!
The only thing they will be walking out with are fresh bumps, bruises and scars as they will become walking trestaments of what happens when you challenge the greatest team in New Edge Wrestling history without the proper credentials
So go right ahead, enjoy yourselves this week. Frolick amongst yourselves doing your faggoty ass team building excersies but don't get all butt hurt when Ignite comes to an end, and once again it is DoMesTIK Di$TuRBaNCE standing tall in the ring with our hands raised in victory because you asshats over looked the simple fact that it's going to take more than a few days worth of team building excersies to take down the greatest Tag Teag in the history of New Edge Wrestling. Because you phucking idiotz over looked the simple fact that just because you moronz are in the same faction, have the same goal, and a common enemy that it is going to be enough to get passed us. Because unlike the four of you TAG TEAMZ is Hunter's and MY SPECIALITY!
And whether you chose to acknowledge it or not we have earned the right, we earned our way into the hall of fame by disposing of dipshits who thought the same things you are thinking to yourselves right now. As a matter of fact that is precisley how DomestiK DisTurbancE became two time, two time, two time NEW Tag Team Championz of the WORLD ALL OVER AGAIN! By taking on two idiots who were a much better team then the four of you combined and dropping them on their heads for thinking their week long motivation was going to be enough to knock over two men who know how to take care of business inside of that ring better than any other two people who have come before us!
So before any of you go shooting your mouths off about what we do or do not deserve, why don't you pull your head out of your own or each other's asses and take a phucking wif of reality while you still can. Because agree or not, the fact of the matter is Hunter and Myself are a remarkable tag team worthy of the claim of being the GREATEST TAG TEAM in the history of this company. Something you Matt Slater know better than anyone. Where you get off shooting your phucking mouth off about what DomestiK DisturbancE is truly baffles me, because I recall the first time Hunter and I won the World Tag Team Titles it was done so at your expense, which you can say what you want but we played a very big role in the plumitting of your career as you almost permanetly banished yourself away from the Main Event stature.
But by now Hunter and I know good and got damn well why you spoke the way you did. Because you much like everyone else in your little camp, you enjoy a week or two of success and then all of a sudden you think you can climb in the ring with the big boys. And truly Matt my hat is off to you as you won the TerrorDome a feat even I have not been able to accomplish, but if you think for two seconds that you are just going to waltz in and defeat us at our own game with that
!!!!GeRMaN J-BRONE!!!!
As YOUR TAG TEAM PARTNER YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMIN!!!
Because if anyone you should know this is our territory where Hunter and I rule supreme. Because unlike the two of you we don't need to hold hands and go play soccer together, we don't need to do team building excersies, our team building excersises is walking down to the ring and sending the two of you back there empty handed with another notch in your very long
!!!!L.O.$.$. C.O.L.U.M.N.!!!!
AS WE HAVE DONE IN THE PAST AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO!!!
SO make no mistake about it United, when Envy tured his back on you dip shits it showed the chink in your armor, the facade that you all stand on a UNITED front is a got damn joke because if you all were as close as you claim maybe, just maybe you would have seen it comin. But now you are just trying your best to scurry and pick up what pieces you can and try and present yourselves as still formidiable opponents, when once again the scale has been tipped in our favor and once again DomestiK DisturbancE walks out on Ignite and proves why we rule the TAG TEAM DIVISION WITH AN IRON PHUCKING FIST! Put any tandems together that you like, build whatever opposition you think is worthy enough to stand and face us, and two by two we will
!!!!SEnD YOU MoRoNZ PACKING!!!!
BeCaUSe WHEN IT COMES TO WORKING AS A TEAM HUNTER VALENTYNE AND JOHNNY STYLEZ ARE
!!!!2nd-2-F'N-NoNe!!!!
Especially When Compared To The Hypocritical, EXCUSE MAKING, SORRY EXCUSES FOR TAG TEAMS WE ARE FACING THIS WEEK!
Because let us also not forget the fact that all four of you are still licking your wounds from the hellacious wars you were all in this past week, as all but one of you found yourselves in the loser's circle and then after the number AL Envy did on Matt Slater his victory felt like anything but! I'll admit my match with Roger was no walk in the park but I didn't compete or fail in an Ultimate XKoRe Match nor did I compete in the TerrorDome, or in Kronin's case nor did I get my ass phucking whipped by someone with superior military training. And again what makes us as lethal as a team is that we take all of that into account. The video tapes don't lie and pretty much this week told us where to hit you, and prey upon your weaknesses is something we will do with pride, pleasure, and as usual
!!!!NO F'N MERCY!!!!
So ONCE AGAIN DESPITE WHAT THE FOUR OF YOU MAY BE THINKIN, THE REALITY IS WHAT YOU THINK
!!!!HAS ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING TO DO WITH REALITY!!!!
AND THE REALITY IS AS FAR AS TAG TEAM'S GO THE 4 OF YOU DOn'T MEASURE UP!!!
ANd don't think that is me overlooking you, because I am familiar with each and every single one of you. If any of you knew me half as well as you pretend to when a camera is in front of your faces you know good and well that LA Johnny Stylez studies his opponents, especially when it comes to matters of Championship Gold. I know fully what I am walking into, and I know fully what each of you are capable of, while the four of you are sitting there trying to convince yourselves that Hunter and I are not worthy of our position despite the fact that we have proven it time and time again, and will prove once more when we take the best NEW has to throw at us, and once again prove why DomestiK DisturbancE has been and always will be the PINNACLE OF TAG TEAM WRESTLING HERE IN NEW EDGE by taking your combined efforts, ripping them to shreds and forcing you all to
!!!!!SoaK!!!!!
!!!!!SoMe!!!!
!!!!!!UP!!!!!!
AS ANOTHER IGNITE WILL END WITH OUR HANDS RAISED HIGH IN THE AIR AND OUR BELTS STILL AROUND OUR PHUCKING WAIST!
Once Again My Pay Per View Celebration Has Been CUT SHORT DUE TO UNFORSEEN CIRCUMSTANCEZ!!!
As I am stuck cleaning up one of Hunter's messes, but he is my friend and that's what friend's do. So until he recovers and awakens from that smackdown my female cousin just put on him it looks like for the time being it's just me, and the
!!!!K.I.D.Z.!!!!
DuN, DuN, DuN!!!!
Mere moments after knocking Hunter out, the sister of Jesse and my cousin then suddenly realized what exactly just happened. The thrill and joy that came with punching Hunter in the face was quickly replaced with fear as she just realized that by knocking Hunter out, she was left with no choice other than to leave her children in the care of yours truly!!!
I could see the look of fear overcome her face as she turned to me and began what many would consider a lecture but to me sounded more like a threat, because well let's face it there is a reason the world of NEW EDGE has yet to meet Katie as he relationship with Jesse, Myself and the rest of the family hasn't always been the best, as she has never been a fan of the family business. Jesse's father, my uncle got Jesse into it, as they prmoted and built the HWA back in the gap, and well we have been working in this business since I joined the Styles Clan some fifteen years ago, and as we all know this business puts a strain on family as our job requires constant travel, and well given the fact that Jesse was his Father's right hand man for all those years until he turned everything over to Jesse and Jesse took all three of the companies he worked for to major heights Jesse was definitley his Father's favorite and rightfully so, because between you and I ladies and gentz, KaTie was what you would call a
!!!!!RaGiNG B.I.T.C.H.!!!!!
LiKe SeRiOuSLy, I Wasn't COnViNCED SHE AND PUGH's WIFE WERENT RELATED SOME NOW!
But never the less, I didn't catch the beginning of Katie's lecture as I had devlopled a talent over the years for tuning out what she said, but then I rememberd I was going to be taking care of her rugrats for her, so it might be in my best interest to try and at least pay a little attention incase she dropped clues on how to shut them up, what to feed them, and more importantly how to put them to sleep without knocking them out or putting them in some kind of submission hold that would do the trick, because once again need I remind each of you just who the phuck I am, and well babysitter is one of the things not found on The PaRaGoNa of AMeRICaNA's resume!
Katie Styles: And I swear to God Johnny, if I come back and they don't still have all ten fingers and all ten toes, you are gunna join your little friend for a nap down there!
LA Johnny Stylez: Meh, not possible my jaw is stronger than his, hahahahahaha...
Katie Styles: Jokes?....It's always fucking jokes with you! Could you do me a favor and not be a raging dickhead for one minute, this is serious Johnny! I need to go get some shit done, and believe me if I had other options I would persue them but I have no one else, which is obvious if I am letting YOU WATCH THEM!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well Katie before you go any further please allow me to remind you that the main reason they are now in my care instead of both me and Hunter's is because once again you fail to hold onto your temper. I swear to God I don't know what it is with you and the rest of the family, but yall need phucking anger management, if you didn't have such a short fuse you wouldn't be in this situation, and well if I had to venture a guess I'd say one of the reasons you can't find another baby sitter is because well, Hmm how do I put this as delicately as I can...YOU'RE A BITCH...And YES that's me being nice! So look spare me your lecture because this is a bad situation all around. I know what I am about to say is going to scare you but it's the truth whether you wanna hear it or not. I want to watch your kids as much as you want to leave them with me. But since we don't have any other option and well my friend's chances at attaining the World Heavyweight Championship hang in the balance for this I think it's hightime your two little ones spent some quality time with their Uncle Johnny. Do I know anything about taking care of kids?
!!!!!PHUCK NO!!!!!
But HoW HaRD CaN THIS BE RIGHT?
Katie Styles: Johnny now is really not the time for you to be an arrogant jerk, I know it's just so hard doing what you and Messy Jesse do, but seriously I promise you this, dealing with children is much more difficult then anything you have ever done!
LA Johnny Stylez: Well look the way I see it is, you are wasting time, the quicker you stop bitching and just go and take care of whatever it is you need to take care of, the sooner you can get back. NOW GO, we'll be fine. We'll just sit around have a few beers and call it a night.
Katie's face drops as Johnny laughs as he holds his hands up and says...
LA Johnny Stylez: I'm kidding, relax. I just orderd some pizza we'll be fine go.
Katie then goes over a seemingly never ending list of do's and don'ts for the kids that I honestly can't tell you about because I quit listening after the first two or three, because well despite the fact that Roger once again demonstrated how phucking stupid he is to the world and dropped me with a WRIGHT STUFF, which on a totally unrelated note ironicallyt enough he would find over the next few weeks was the
!!!!WRONG F'N MOVE!!!!
...But I DiGRESS
I was in a rather pleasent mood because any time I defeat Roger I just feel a little better about myself, and well as of right now I was still a CHAMPION in NEW and still a member of the most dominant faction in New Edge Wrestling, so tonight I was in a good mood and up to the challenge of taking care of these little rugrats, and if all else fails I would bundle them up and take them to a resteraunt up the street or something and use them to pick up chicks, because well let's face it girls go crazy over a guy taking care of kids and I'm pretty sure I could pull that off, because on top of that, there is the simple fact that well...I'm
!!!LA JOHNNY STYLEZ!!!
...AND I GeT MoRE ASS THEN A TOILET SEAT...
And well if I had these little rug biters with me it'd almost be too easy, so either way it was a win win. So Katie gathered her things, threatened my life and health once more if her kids were not in the same condition they were as she left them, and then she left. And as the door slammed behind her, I was then struck with the notion that maybe, this wasn't going to be as easy as I thought it was. Because well I was just trying to get Katie the phuck outta here, and well a few moments ago I had built it up in my head that this was going to be a piece of cake, but when I turned around and saw them running around the room like lunatics it suddenly dawned on me that maybe everyone is right and I do need to stop smoking so much pot...
!!!!Ju$T KiDDIN!!!!
Because If ANYTHING WAS GOING TO GET US THROUGH THIS IT'S THAT!
SO I went with my first instinct which was to let them run around Hunter's house like a bunch of crazy asses and maybe they would wear themselves out. I mean after all Hunter HADDDDD to run his mouth, and had to cause Katie to knock the piss out of him, which in his condition after TerrorDome maybe wasn't the best idea. And well I was doing him a favor because well as Jesse said as reward for doing this Hunter was going to be the first in line to take that title from around the waist of that joke of a CHAMPION Inkt. So when he woke up and saw his house a mess and
!!!!!!CRASH!!!!!!
...And Now His New LAMP BROKEN...OOPz!!!!
He could still thank me for recieving an opportunity that was well over due. Because well Hunter and I were a team and he'd do the same for me, but then again I wouldn't put myself in a position to be knocked out before I baby sat but that's just me but that was beside the point, because well Hunter was phucking OUT COLD, and I was stuck with two children who were currently causing more destruction then King Kong and Godzilla put together, which was fine by me, because I had to go in the kitchen and whip up a batch of my special brownies as per the normal post PPV ritual.
So while I was in the kitchen putting the brownies in the oven I heard the scariest sound I have ever heard in my brief stint in baby sitting. While I'll admit I know nothing about baby sitting I do know that sheer silence is not a good thing unless they are napping and I definitley didn't put them down for a nap, so I got the uneasy feeling in my stomach that something was wrong, and boy was I right.
I rushed into the living room where they were sitting there with Hunter's twelve remotes, because of course Hunter had to have one of those phucking TV's that requires fifty different phucking remotes, as they were just pushing buttons. A feeling of relief came over me as I discovered that they hadn't killed themselves or each other, as I sat and watched them try and turn Hunter's TV on. After a few moments of failed attempts it wasn't long before one of those sterotypical childish temper tantrums began to arize. Which by the way was how I could tell Hunter was phucking OUT COLD, because well if he didn't wake up after this ruckus he was either in a coma or dead, which I hoped wasn't the case because defending the Tag Titles by myself was not something I wanted to do.
So the boys turned and saw me, then stood up and walked over to me and began chanting like the wild heathens they were, chanting something that I knew absolutley nothing about. Luckily I recall Hunter talking to Jesse about it eariler and seemingly this would be an easy fix.
Boys: THOMAS THE TRAIN, THOMAS, THOMAS, THOMAS, THOMAS...
LA Johnny Stylez: WHO THE PHUCK IS THOMAS?
Micheal: Thomas the Train...
LA Johnny Stylez: What the phuck is that?
Micheal: What the fuck is Thomas?
LA Johnny Stylez: NO! Don't say that!
Micheal: WHAT THE FUCK IS THOMAS HAHAHAHAHA?
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh damnit your mom is gunna kill me...OK what phucking channel does it come on?
Micheal: WE WANT THOMAS, WE WANT THOMAS, NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
LA Johnny Stylez: OK, I'll figure it out JESUS, just do me a favor and shut up!
Jon: HEY YOU'RE NOT POSE TO SAY SHUD UP MISSER!
LA Johnny Stylez: Uhh, right, do you wanna watch Thomas the Truck or what kid?
Micheal: IT'S THOMAS THE TRAIN DUMB DUMB!
I had to continue to tell myself silently that it's not ok to back hand a little kid. It was hard because anyone who speaks to me like that gets a back hand, but I some how found myself in a situation where all the rules in the world I lived in had changed, and well these kids were related to me and well I have a feeling Katie would literally kill me if anything like that happened, so I turned on the TV and by the grace of the good LORD found Thomas The Train. Once the familiar ICON popped up on the TV the boys rejoiced like it was Christmas morning, and sat down to watch as I hit play. But of course it wasn't good enough, why would it be?
Jon: We'b already seen this one Uncle Johnny...
LA Johnny Stylez: Are you sure?
Micheal: OF COURSE WE ARE SURE DUMB DUMB!
LA Johnny Stylez: Micheal, don't think I won't piledrive you!
Micheal: WHat's a piledriber?
LA Johnny Stylez: Ohh Jesus..Look, fine I'll find one you two haven't seen just PLEASE BE QUIET!
So I surfed throgh the netflix until I finally found one they have probably seen a hundred times, but watched anyway, because as I was surfing there was a knock at the door, and it was then my turn to get excited, because finally the pizza dood had arrived to bring me some peace in a square shaped box of heaven, where heaven did indeed come by the slice.
LA Johnny Stylez: Pizza's here boys yall sit and watch Thomas and I'll fix you guys some.
Jon: But Uncle JOHNNY WE'VE SEEN THIS ONE...
LA Johnny Stylez: AWESOME, I'll be right back!
I open the door and I hand the dude a fifty and told him to keep the change. I then went back into the other room and of course Hunter didn't have any got damn paper plates so, I then decided to do things the Johnny way as I brought the box of pizza into the living room plopped it down on the floor in front of the TV and told the boys to dig in, and dig in they did. Hopefully Hunter won't mind the pizza stains on his rug either because apparently these two young gentlemen weren't familiar with the concept of making sure all of the pizza went into your mouth, a skill that takes practice and what better place to practice then uncle Hunter's carpet...
So finally we had some peace and quiet, or so I thought as I sat and began to eat the pizza that I had been waiting eons for, as the two boys began singing the lame ass songs that were sung on these stupid ass cartoons. As I sat and watched a feeling of rage came over me as this shit was so phucking stupid. I don't know what it is with kids these days, but when I was younger I didn't watch pussy shit like this. I mean this shit was so lame it was literally driving me phucking nutz. But these two boys phucking LOVVVVED IT. Call me selfish call me whatever you want, but after ten minutes of listening to kids sing about trains with faces I couldn't phucking take it anymore and I turned it off.
The looks on their faces were terrible. It was like I just killed Santa in front of them or something. I couldn't help but laugh at them as they turned back and looked at me with pizza sauce all over their faces as they looked like they were gunna cry.
Jon: HEY! WHAT HAPPENED TO THOMAS?
Micheal: WE WERE WATCHIN THAT!
Boys: THOMAS, THOMAS, THOMAS, THOMAS!!!!
I was kinda hoping this would wake Hunter up and I would be relieved of my command because I seriously could not watch another phucking second of that crap. It was too nice for me, and it literally drove me insane. But no such luck because by now they were screaming at the top of their lungs and were on the verge of tears and if there was ever a sound more phucking irritating then having to listen to kids sing about stupid ass trains with stupid phucking facial expressions it was that. So I had to think quickly.
LA Johnny Stylez: Sorry gentlemen but Thomas is DEAD...
Jon: DEAD?...NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
And in that very moment I shocked myself as the look on little Jon's face when I said that was a look of sorrow that made me realize I had something I thought to have rid myself of long ago...My conscience. SO in an effort to make him not feel so bad so he wouldn't look at me with those little puppy dog eyes I changed my reply.
LA Johnny Stylez: I meant he is taking a nap. He'll be back on in a little while. But in the mean time since he is napping how would you two like to hear a story?
Jon: Is it about Thomas?
LA Johnny Stylez: NO it's not about Thomas or any stupid phucking trains. I know you two are too young to understand this, but PHUCK THOMAS!
Jon/Micheal: PHUCK THOMAS!
LA Johnny Stylez: RIGHT! I'm gunna tell you guys a real story about some real trains...SOME BIG BAD ASS TRAINS! So have a seat grab some more pizza and listen to one of the greatest stories ever phucking told!
Micheal: What's the name of this story Uncle Johnny?
LA Johnny Stylez: It's called the ENGINE's THAT COULDN'T!
***TiMe OuT***
OK so the version of the story that I told the kids and the one I am going to break down for you moronz at home are going to be quite different in details only. Due to the fact that I told this tale to children while HIGH as a GIRAFFE's ass made it a little complicated because I had to incorporate things and characters to their liking. FOr instance the characters in the story were Trains because as you saw previosuly for some odd reason these two kids loved trains. Yet those are the only details that changed the message and what the story is/was about remains the same.
And what this story is about is quite simple. I like every story began
!!!!OnCE UPoN A TiMe!!!!
WiTH TWO MEN WHO REFUSED TO BE DENIED!
Two men who started with nothing and built an entire phucking EMPIRE! Two men who faced all the adversity one could face. Two men who laid the foundation and are the very reason a kingdom exists at all. Two men who spit in the face of authority and left a trail of broken bodies, dreams, hopes, and ambitionz for the to achieve what they wanted. Two men who refused to be denied at every turn, and despite what challenges lay ahead of them found a way to conquer and destroy all that laid in their path. Two men who at every step found a way to succede, even who even rose to the challenge of personal bickering and found their way to the top once more.
The tale as if you couldn't tell was the epic story of the current TAG TEAM CHAMPIONZ OF THE WORLD! The story of the two men who built the NEW tag team division after it was killed off and made it one of the single greatest divisions in all of wrestling. A tale of the two men who brought the division back from the dead and not only breathed a life into the tag team division but molded the direction of the entire company.
So let them say what they want but had it not been for DomestiK DisturbancE there would be not tag team wrestling in New Edge Wrestling, as we have faced and defeated every challenge in front of us especially the only one that could bring us down which was internal bickering and still after years of not teaming together picked up where we left off and returned to our rightful place atop the throne of the NEW Tag Team Division.
And we did so because we are a TEAM...NO Scratch that THE PHUCKING TEAM. It's our knowledge of each other, and it's our common interest that have left countless victims sent home failures and in defeat. Our story is one of struggle and most impoirtantly victory, because DomestiK DisturbancE is all about both and we epitomize both, and the reason we have earned our way into the Hall of Fame is because of the standard that we set, and as we have proven the only ones who could stop us, was US...And now that we are on the same page it's going to take more than some flash in the pan teams that have been thrown together to stop the ruthless juggernaut that is DomestiK DisturbancE.
Our every opponent bears the scars that come with facing us as teams have fallen at our feet, because we refuse to settle for anything less than what we want, and that is why anytime DomestiK DisturbancE is around we DOMINATE the scene and have returned once again to wreak havoc and mold the direction of this company as we once again establish ourselves as the single greatest tag team in the world.
***TImE IN ***
The story has ended as both Katie Styles boys Micheal and Little Jon were sitting on the couch with their toy trains and each of them were holding the NEW Tag Team Titles across their shoulder. Since the version of the story they heard involved trains and evil engines and all that happy horse shit they were enthralled and totally captivated by Uncle Johnny's story of two HEROs who rose to the top leaving nothing but destruction and broken dreams in their wake. And just as Johnny reached the Happily Ever After a timer went off in the kitchen as Johnny, turned to the boys with a smile on his face, and says
LA Johnny Stylez: OK gentlemen, who wants BRoWNiEZ?
***FeW HoURZ LaTeR***
There is a knock on the door, that goes unanswered, as soon in a fit of fear Katie busts open the door and rushes in to find Johnny and her two sons sleeping on the couch. Johnny is sitting up as the two kids are resting on his lap with the tag titles slung over their shoulders. Katie stops and looks around and doesn't see any blood, and notices that they ineed have all ten of their fingers and toes still attached. A smile comes over her face as she for once was surprised by her cousin who is highly regarded as the phuck up of the family.
She leans over and flicks Johnny on the head, as Johnny wakes up. She smiles and says high to Johnny, as she picks up her youngest son Jon,
Katie Styles: Hey there lil Jon, you ready to go home?
Jon: Yesh Mommy...
Katie Styles: Did you have a good time with Uncle Johnny?
Micheal: Ohh boy we ser did! We ate pizza, and broke Uncle Hunter's lamps and he told us an awesome story about two trains, and four other trains who are full of nothing but steam.
Katie Styles: Uncle Johnny told you a story?...
Jon: Yeah because Thomas was taking a nap!
Katie Styles: Well ok, it's time to go home, so let's go climb in the car and I promise you boyus can watch Thomas all the way home...
Micheal: PHUCK THOMAS MOMMY!
The obscenity falls from her sons mouth as she looks at Johnny as if she knew it was almost too good to be true. Johnny can't help himself as he just smiles and shakes his head laughing as he shrugs his shoulders. He stands up and takes trhe Tag TItles from the boys as Katie punches him in the arm. She then loads them and brings them downstairs. Despite the little F-BoMb Katie was very much impressed with Johnny as the boys seemed to have a remarkable time with the most unlikley baby sitter in the world....Well I'm sure that was the case but they were young and not to mention completley stoned so of course they thought they had a good time. That stupid add story Johnny told them of course seemed awesome. It would have seemed awesome to any stoned 5 year old!
But after Katie and her two little ones leave, Johnny grabs a glass of water and throws it in Hunter's face.
Hunter Valentyne: GOT DAMNIT...WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? WHERE THE FUCK AM I?
LA Johnny Stylez: We are at your crib, and well...As far as what happened goes...
!!!!YoU GoT KNoCKeD THE PHUCK OUT!!!!
BY A CHICK!!!!
Hunter Valentyne: Are you fucking kidding me?
LA Johnny Stylez: Does it look like I'm kidding you? Does it feel like I'm kidding you?...Ohh and two little boys owe you a few new lamps and you might wanna call the carpet cleaner!
Hunter Valentyne: Johnny got damnit, can you please just shut up for a minute until I get my head on straight?
LA Johnny Stylez: Yeah do what you do dawg. But get up...Because Kamikazee is in the books it's now time for us to prove why we are the greatest tag team in New Edge Wrestling history! It's time to put New Edge Wrestling in their place and show them once and for phuckin all who is in control. ANd it's espeically time to show them what it takes to survive in our TAG TEAM division dawg...
Hunter Valentyne: You're about to go rant aren't ya?
LA Johnny Stylez: OHHHH YEAH!
Hunter Valentyne: Well do me a favor, and do that shit outside I have a splitting phucking headache!
!!!HeaVeN F'N HeLP NEW EDGE WRESTLING!!!
And THaT RoSTeR CHaLKeD FULL OF HYPOCRITICAL WHINY BABY BITCHEZ!!!
Never in my phucking life have I seen such a group of self righteous asshats uniting under one banner, who are guilty of the same things they accuse us of. Is it really even a wonder why week in and week out it is ALWAYZ, and I DO MEAN PHUCKING ALWAYZ The Styles MaFia standing tall in the ring to end either Ignite or a Pay Per VIew? It's the main reason we are winning this war, because despite what they say or believe those phuck mooks who offer themselves up as opposition to us aint no better than we are, in terms of what they think of us. And that is why week in and week out it is Myself and the other member of the Styles MaFia who end up having
!!!!THE La$T F'N LaUGH!!!!
BeCaUse AT THe EnD OF THE DAY, THEM AND THEIR CAUsES AINT NOTHIN BUT A GOT DAMN JOKE!!!
Because what seperates us from them, besides the one obvious answer which is uh...
!!!!T.A.L.E.N.T.!!!!
DuH...
At least we have the courage to admit what we are. Are we honest? NoPE!!! Do We FiGHT FaIR? NoPE! DO WE GET THE PHUCKIN JOB DONE?...NiNe TIMEZ OUTTA TEN YES! Like I figured each one of Hunter's and my opponents this week went out of their way to point out my least favoirte character trait of my tag team partner of promising victory and not delivering. But really while they sit there and jump his phucking case about it, find me one of them...JUST PHUCKING ONE OF THEM that hasn't or wasn't guilty of
!!!!THE EXACT SAME F'N THING THIS WEEK!!!!
OR AT SOME OTHER POINT IN THEIR VERY LACKLUSTER CAREER!!!
Valora has made so many got damn World Title promises that the fact that she even brings up what Hunter did this past week is ridicilious. And Matt Slater...Well let's just say the only reason one of the only accolades to his phucking name is a Youngblood title is because he couldn't make good on a few promises of his own, and by a few, I mean
!!!!A LOT!!!!
And I COULD KEEP GOIN BUT YOU PHUCK MOOX GET THE POINT RIGHT?...RIGHT!!!!
Or DO YOU? Because each and every single one of them is throwing stones like they haven't commited the sins themselves. But wait just a second, of course they haven't just because they are on the opposite side and their cause is a little more righteous than ours is, they are cleared from being held accountable for such crimes. Or at least that's the phucking case until they run into any of us, and then we set the phucking record straight. Isn't that right KRoNiN?...Or should I say THE FORMER NEW WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPION?...Hey at least you are now known as something right? You just like Matt Slater will walk around and brag about your silly LITTLE accolade and brag about being a former Champion, but you know just as well as I and anyone else with a MeMoRy or BRAIN know good and got damn well that your reign as Television Champion was about as much of a joke as Valora's promises and bids to become NEW World Heavyweight Champion. Yet all four of you want to sit there and run your mouths like anything any of you say has a shred of relevance or credibility, when really most of you are just talking for the sake of
!!!!F'N TaLKING!!!!
ONLy AT IGNITE THIS WEEK THE TALKING COMES TO AN END
ANd once again the four of you will be shown up by the Styles MaFia and I can't wait t hear your buffet of excuses then! Because the thing I find most humorous is that so far each of you have predicted that Hunter and Myself will over look the other teams in this match, and even though we have every phucking right to do just that, that isn't exactly the case I assure you. Because if the four of you could remove your heads from your asses long enough to catch a breathe of fresh air you would see for yourselves that if anyone is phucking guilty of underestimating anyone it is you four underestimating us! Saying that DomestiK DisturbancE doesn't deserve this, or DomestiK DisturbancE doesn't desreve that...
???ARE YOU F'N KiDDING ME???
WHILE WE ARE ON THE F'N SUBJECT, QUICK ONE OF YOU TELL ME WHY EITHER OF YOU FOUR DESERVE A SHOT AT HUNTER'S AND MY TAG TEAM TITLES?
DID the United or UnSTaBLE team win any number one contendership matches? Have either of you ever teamed before? Oh so now all of a phucking sudden the four of you are experts on who deserves what around here? WHat just because you don't like or agree with the way The STyLES MaFIA takes care of BuSiNeSS?...No to be honest that's not even it, you think and say the bullshit that you do because our success has come at your expense, but at the end of the day you phucking little children need to wake the phuck up and place the blame where it truly resides, which is
!!!!ON YOURSELVEZ!!!!
WHich Is WHy I DON'T EVEN GET MAD AT THE SHIT THAT FALLS FROM YOUR IGNORANT MOUTHZ!!!
Because you can say what you want, but at the end of the day like I said eariler you all are just running your cocksuckers for the sake of running your cocksuckerz, but history is written by the victors and the one and only thing that is important in this business is VICTORY! And in that regard we are hands and feet above the four of you by LEAPZ AND PHUCKING BOUNDZ! You dipshits can have your honor and respect, I'll keep my victories and CHAMPIONSHIP gold if it's all the same to you! SO do me a favor Valora, next time you decide to try and talk down to someone who has done something FIVE TIMES that you have failed to do THREE TIMES NOW, just keep your rug munching mouth shut because all you are doing is
!!!!MaKiNG YOURSELF LOOK STUPID!!!!
AS IF LOSING THREE STRAIGHT WORLD TITLE MATCHES DIDN'T DO THAT ALREADY YA DUMB CUNT!
Because it's just a little funny to me that you wanna sit there and talk about what I've been handed over my career, as if you have a phucking clue to begin with, on the very week YOU HAVE BEEN HANDED A SHOT AT THE WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES FOR DOING ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING EXECPT FOR THE ONE THING YOU HAVE BECOME NOTORIOUS FOR DOING OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS WHICH IS
!!!!!F.A.I.L.!!!!!
LET ME SAY THAT ONE MoRe TIME SO MAYBE IT SINKZ IN DIP SHIT
!!!!!F.A.I.L.!!!!!
THERE ARE WE CLEAR NOW?
That and well since your phucking dip shit partner has become a samurai shogun or whatever, since he failed to win the XKoRe title match last week according to his new stanards he is suppose to kill himself because SHOGUNS cannot live without honor. So hopefully, if he's smart which, well this is Judas we are talking about after all, should be doing himself, us and the rest of the world a favor and should be taking a long walk off a short cliff by now...Which ya know is probably a load of shit because despite this fantasy world Judas lives in where he is this great warrior is nothing more than just that. THe one thing the two of you can count on is DomestiK DisturbancE doiing what we've always done, and if Judas Dathan was DisHoNored by his failure in the XKoRe title match at Kamikazee,
!!!!WAIT TILL YOU SEE WHAT WE DO TO HIS ASS THIS WEEK!!!!
AS JUDAS AND VALORA Won'T BE WALKING OUT OF IGNITE WITH THEIR HONOR!
The only thing they will be walking out with are fresh bumps, bruises and scars as they will become walking trestaments of what happens when you challenge the greatest team in New Edge Wrestling history without the proper credentials
So go right ahead, enjoy yourselves this week. Frolick amongst yourselves doing your faggoty ass team building excersies but don't get all butt hurt when Ignite comes to an end, and once again it is DoMesTIK Di$TuRBaNCE standing tall in the ring with our hands raised in victory because you asshats over looked the simple fact that it's going to take more than a few days worth of team building excersies to take down the greatest Tag Teag in the history of New Edge Wrestling. Because you phucking idiotz over looked the simple fact that just because you moronz are in the same faction, have the same goal, and a common enemy that it is going to be enough to get passed us. Because unlike the four of you TAG TEAMZ is Hunter's and MY SPECIALITY!
And whether you chose to acknowledge it or not we have earned the right, we earned our way into the hall of fame by disposing of dipshits who thought the same things you are thinking to yourselves right now. As a matter of fact that is precisley how DomestiK DisTurbancE became two time, two time, two time NEW Tag Team Championz of the WORLD ALL OVER AGAIN! By taking on two idiots who were a much better team then the four of you combined and dropping them on their heads for thinking their week long motivation was going to be enough to knock over two men who know how to take care of business inside of that ring better than any other two people who have come before us!
So before any of you go shooting your mouths off about what we do or do not deserve, why don't you pull your head out of your own or each other's asses and take a phucking wif of reality while you still can. Because agree or not, the fact of the matter is Hunter and Myself are a remarkable tag team worthy of the claim of being the GREATEST TAG TEAM in the history of this company. Something you Matt Slater know better than anyone. Where you get off shooting your phucking mouth off about what DomestiK DisturbancE is truly baffles me, because I recall the first time Hunter and I won the World Tag Team Titles it was done so at your expense, which you can say what you want but we played a very big role in the plumitting of your career as you almost permanetly banished yourself away from the Main Event stature.
But by now Hunter and I know good and got damn well why you spoke the way you did. Because you much like everyone else in your little camp, you enjoy a week or two of success and then all of a sudden you think you can climb in the ring with the big boys. And truly Matt my hat is off to you as you won the TerrorDome a feat even I have not been able to accomplish, but if you think for two seconds that you are just going to waltz in and defeat us at our own game with that
!!!!GeRMaN J-BRONE!!!!
As YOUR TAG TEAM PARTNER YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMIN!!!
Because if anyone you should know this is our territory where Hunter and I rule supreme. Because unlike the two of you we don't need to hold hands and go play soccer together, we don't need to do team building excersies, our team building excersises is walking down to the ring and sending the two of you back there empty handed with another notch in your very long
!!!!L.O.$.$. C.O.L.U.M.N.!!!!
AS WE HAVE DONE IN THE PAST AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO!!!
SO make no mistake about it United, when Envy tured his back on you dip shits it showed the chink in your armor, the facade that you all stand on a UNITED front is a got damn joke because if you all were as close as you claim maybe, just maybe you would have seen it comin. But now you are just trying your best to scurry and pick up what pieces you can and try and present yourselves as still formidiable opponents, when once again the scale has been tipped in our favor and once again DomestiK DisturbancE walks out on Ignite and proves why we rule the TAG TEAM DIVISION WITH AN IRON PHUCKING FIST! Put any tandems together that you like, build whatever opposition you think is worthy enough to stand and face us, and two by two we will
!!!!SEnD YOU MoRoNZ PACKING!!!!
BeCaUSe WHEN IT COMES TO WORKING AS A TEAM HUNTER VALENTYNE AND JOHNNY STYLEZ ARE
!!!!2nd-2-F'N-NoNe!!!!
Especially When Compared To The Hypocritical, EXCUSE MAKING, SORRY EXCUSES FOR TAG TEAMS WE ARE FACING THIS WEEK!
Because let us also not forget the fact that all four of you are still licking your wounds from the hellacious wars you were all in this past week, as all but one of you found yourselves in the loser's circle and then after the number AL Envy did on Matt Slater his victory felt like anything but! I'll admit my match with Roger was no walk in the park but I didn't compete or fail in an Ultimate XKoRe Match nor did I compete in the TerrorDome, or in Kronin's case nor did I get my ass phucking whipped by someone with superior military training. And again what makes us as lethal as a team is that we take all of that into account. The video tapes don't lie and pretty much this week told us where to hit you, and prey upon your weaknesses is something we will do with pride, pleasure, and as usual
!!!!NO F'N MERCY!!!!
So ONCE AGAIN DESPITE WHAT THE FOUR OF YOU MAY BE THINKIN, THE REALITY IS WHAT YOU THINK
!!!!HAS ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING TO DO WITH REALITY!!!!
AND THE REALITY IS AS FAR AS TAG TEAM'S GO THE 4 OF YOU DOn'T MEASURE UP!!!
ANd don't think that is me overlooking you, because I am familiar with each and every single one of you. If any of you knew me half as well as you pretend to when a camera is in front of your faces you know good and well that LA Johnny Stylez studies his opponents, especially when it comes to matters of Championship Gold. I know fully what I am walking into, and I know fully what each of you are capable of, while the four of you are sitting there trying to convince yourselves that Hunter and I are not worthy of our position despite the fact that we have proven it time and time again, and will prove once more when we take the best NEW has to throw at us, and once again prove why DomestiK DisturbancE has been and always will be the PINNACLE OF TAG TEAM WRESTLING HERE IN NEW EDGE by taking your combined efforts, ripping them to shreds and forcing you all to
!!!!!SoaK!!!!!
!!!!!SoMe!!!!
!!!!!!UP!!!!!!
AS ANOTHER IGNITE WILL END WITH OUR HANDS RAISED HIGH IN THE AIR AND OUR BELTS STILL AROUND OUR PHUCKING WAIST!