Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2015 14:50:23 GMT -6
DEMENTED
Live from Courtland, Arizona
NEW Self Made Arena
---
Johnny Bonecrusher V Sasha Foote
Johnny Bonecrusher is a very unhappy guy. Thus far in New Edge Wrestling, he's produced his "coming soon" vignette, which was great... but followed that up with a backstage debut at the last episode of Ignite, which also was good... until Sasha Foote made her presence known... physically. When Johnny woke up later on, he checked out Twitter only to discover Sasha had a change of heart when it came to her conceited attitude, making beating her head in that much greater a challenge with a clear conscience.
But regardless of concepts like good and evil, Bonecrusher-Foote is going to happen, and happen big time at Demented, NEW's next Pay-Per-View event, and Johnny's in-ring debut here. Both sides have a lot to prove: Sasha, coming off of a loss NEEDS this to go in her favour. Meanwhile Johnny also NEEDS the win, so he doesn't get cursed with a debut loss.
So our story today begins within the US, inside the borders of Arizona, within the jurisdiction of Courtland, on a particular street, inside a gym, and inside the gym is a ring, and inside the ring is a man, and inside the man is a bunch of organs and bones, but in retrospect, we've gone too far now.
The man is Johnny Bonecrusher, but the ring is NOT a wrestling ring. Oh sure, it LOOKS like a regular ring, but it's smaller, and the posts are not jump-off-of-friendly. This, my friends, is a BOXING ring. It can even, dare I say, double for a KICKboxing ring! Johnny's sparring partner appears to be one such character.
"New Edge Wrestling, you know my name already, don't you? Oh, you might THINK you don't know my name, but YOU know my name!"
He looks over at his sparring partner expectantly, who just shrugs. Johnny glares at him, shaking his head.
"I-It's Johnny Bonecrusher. The Pre-Millennium Wrestler? The Johnimant Species?! King Shit on Fu- oh, to Hell with it!"
Johnny inhales deeply, as he examines the ropes. They're looser than he's used to. No one Irish whips people in kickboxing matches. Well, legally, anyway.
"A couple of days ago, I was being interviewed when all of a sudden, this little bitty thing crashes the party and decides it was a SMART idea to dry gulch me upside the head!"
Raising his voice near the end there causes him to wince in pain, the impression left by the kickboxing rookie a grave reminder that kicks do indeed hurt.
"I was minding my own bidniz, and you took the initiative and made a name for yourself. Well, GOOD for YOU! And later on that same night, you made an impressive showing against that Hal Envoy DICK, but came up short. Immediately following that match, you saw the light. You saw the light, you saw the light, you saw the li-YOU TOOK AWAY MY MOTIVATION IS WHAT YA DID THERE, SISTER!!!"
Johnny clutches at his head, followed by rubbing at it in a vain attempt to soothe the pain. He then looks directly into the camera, looking very unimpressed.
"What'm I supposed to DO with that, HUH? I can't call you NAMES now, now that we're on the same side. I can't tell you I'm going to waterboard you or otherwise torture you in the name of justice anymore, now CAN I? So what'm I LEFT with?"
He holds out his hands, imploring the viewers for an answer. Moments later he drops his arms to his sides, then redirects his focus onto the other man in the ring. A menacing visage upon his mug. He then starts to point at the guy as he starts to smile, followed by laughing in an obviously exaggeratedly forced manner.
"This guy, thiiiiis fuckin' guy, folks! In case you're just tuning in, this guy here's a kickboxer guy. He's spent many years boxing kicks. Let's call him... Tasha Flute."
The kickboxer looks confused.
"Uh, that's a girl's name..."
Johnny whips his hand in the kickboxer's direction with a dramatic point.
"SssshhhhUT UP, Tasha! Now, this guy here's going to act as an analogue for a certain lady fair who a certain handsome thirtysomething's going to be pitted against at Demented in 12 days. So, uh, Ms. Foote, WATCH! AND LEARRRRN!"
Johnny then suddenly flies at "Tasha", who sidesteps him easily. Johnny tries to rebound off the ropes, but remember when it was stated earlier that they were looser than wrestling ring ropes? So he nearly falls out of the ring, but recovers just beyond the ropes. "Tasha" doesn't really know what exactly he's supposed to do, so he just backs off, waiting for Johnny to get back to his feet. Johnny holds out his hands to show that he's okay, extending his hand for "Tasha" to shake it, who stupidly accepts. Johnny grabs a hold of "Tasha's" hand and delivers a short-arm clothesline, dropping the fighter to the mat. Johnny looms over "Tasha" and proceeds to immediately lock in The Johnny Special (2015 Comeback Tour Edition), which if you REALLY need to know, is a sitting single leg-capture double underhook submission
hold. "Tasha" taps out almost immediately. Johnny jumps back up to his feet, raising his arms in the air as if he just won the Super Bowl.
"And THAT'S how you get things done with a kickboxer, Sasha!"
"Tasha" finally makes his way back up to his feet, looking unimpressed himself.
"Hey man, that wasn't part of the plan! That really hurt!"
Once again, Johnny whips his hand in the kickboxer's direction with a dramatic point.
"SssshhhhUT UP, Tasha! All's fair in love and wrestling, and it don't look like there's no love in the air HERE!"
Johnny then turns his attention back to the camera.
"Leeeet me make one thing perfectly CLEAR here, Ms. Foote: you BRING your kicks, you BRING your rudimentary wrasslin' skills, and you BRING whatever you need to bring, because you're once AGAIN entering the ring with a veteran of the sport, the SPORT... of professional wrestling. As I said, I managed to see a replay of your match when I regained consciousness, so I know you lost, and I know that means that you're gonna wanna try THAT much harder against Yours Truly. Good! Fine! I almost hope you BEAT me, if ONLY to shut up these bitter, jaded, crusty old vets here in the NEW, and-"
Johnny pauses, as if he just realized what he in fact said.
"But, uh, umm... Waaaait a sec... Oh shit, NO! What'm I SAYING?! The Johnny's going into Demented, his first match here in New Edge, and he's gonna run roughshod over Li'l Miss Kickboxer, because like it or not, want it or don't, when you're looking for a winner, you KNOW you've got to get Johnny Bonecrusher to fit the bill! MAYBE, MAYBE it's nothing personal now, because I DO wanna see your little girl see mom as some sorta superhero, someone who's looking at her from afar and KNOWING... KNOWING... 'MAN, that's MY momma, and MY momma can kick YOUR momma's ass ANY day!'... uh, only... without the swearing. Don't swear, kids!"
Johnny gives an insincere grin and thumbs up, before the smile fades from his face.
"But The Johnny, Saint Johnny, he can forgive and forget, but the ONE thing The Johnny don't do, won't do, CAN'T do... is lay down for ANYONE! You're gonna EARN this win or DESERVE this loss, COUNT on it. Good luck in 12 days. Keep your temper, keep your head firmly on your shoulders, because in one week and five days... things are gonna get... DEMENTED! I'm done."
And with that, Johnny turns to face a still-annoyed "Tasha", holding out his hands apologetically, before the scene fades to aquamarine, because aquamarine's the new black.
THE END.
