Post by Ricky Cassels on Mar 31, 2015 22:37:04 GMT -6
The ship has been steered in the proper direction now. Last week on Ignite 202, Ricky Bobby managed to gain some momentum by defeating newcomer Buck Florida in a steel cage match. Buck will soon have his time to shine in New Edge as he is easily a blue chip prospect... but now is Ricky Bobby's time. This week NEW will be hosting a pay-per-view titled Demented in which Ricky will once again challenge Al Envy for the NEW Trans-Atlantic Title....
......Really???
........Do we REALLY have to sit through this shit, AGAIN!?!?!?!
Hasn't the trailer park wonder had enough god damn chances at winning the TA title? Yet he gets another opportunity.... a rivalry is no longer a rivalry whenever the end result is the same each time.
Ricky Bobby held the Trans-Atlantic Title with pride for the better half of 2014 before losing it to "The Show Stealer" at Annihilation. The following month Ricky Bobby would be granted the opportunity to regain the TA Title at Tension in Texas. The stipulation would be he'd have to face Al Envy in a Texas Death match. No easy task to defeat Envy in his home state. Ricky Bobby would lose once again.
Now the bar has been raised even higher. If Ricky Bobby is to reclaim the TA Title he once held so proudly, he will have to do so by defeating Envy in a Styles Rules match. A match that without a shadow of a doubt will be designed for Envy to win. Because a Styles Rules match allows Al's allegiance, Jesse Styles proclaim the rules on the fly. Jesse has made it perfectly clear that he will do whatever it takes to destroy Ricky Bobby Cassels. There is no doubt the shenanigans will be at an all time during the Styles Rules match. Ricky already knows in order to win the match he will have to defeat Al and whatever antics Jesse comes up with. But the Mullet has a couple of tricks up his sleeve...... uhhhh..... I mean up his wife beater.
Ricky Bobby sits reclined in his chair and he is barely able to move after his brutal steel cage match with Buck Florida. He is pounding Busch light beer as usual. Nikki sits across the room from Ricky on their couch. She is chain smoking Pall Mall's back to back. She has her rather large legs crossed and shaking them very profusely. Her eyes are locked in on Ricky Bobby as he watched Judge Judy on television. Nikki continues staring at Ricky as she clearly has something on her mind.
Nikki Juggs: *puff puff* So Rick-eh Bobby who was that gaw damn whore ya was making out with at Ignite!?!?
Ricky's eye remained glued on the hard nosed judge as she hears a case about a landlord suing his tenant for setting his rental house ablaze.
Nikki Juggs: Don't act like yah can't hear meh ya mutha fuckin sum bitch!!!! *puff puff* Who was she!
? Ricky Bobby: Baby, tha Rick-eh done told ya... He don't remember nothin after he climbed outta that there still cage!
Nikki Juggs: That bullshit and ya know it, Rick-eh Bobby!! Tha Nikk-eh saw ya stickin yer tongue down her throat!!!
Just as Ricky begins explaining himself further, a car horn is heard outside his double wide trailer. Nikki walks over to the window and pulls the blinds back to reveal a long, white stretch limousine.
Nikki Juggs: Gaw dammit....
Ricky Bobby: What is it, baby?
Nikki Juggs: The biggest gaw damn car tha Nikk-eh ever saw in her life!!
A tap is heard at the door of Ricky's double wide. Nikki walks over to the door and opens it up. She is greeted by a black man with a suit, top hat and a cheesy grin on his face.
Black Man: Yous must be Miss Juggs....Yous even mo beautiful than theys told me.
Nikki Juggs: Yeh I'm tha Nikk-eh. *puff puff* Jus who in the gaw damn hell are ya spose to be?!
Black Man: I'm the man who's gone take ya and Mister Ricky Bobby for a lemo-suine ride!
Nikki Juggs: We ain't interested in yer fancy car!
Nikki tries to slam the door shut but just before the door shuts, the limo driver flashes a $100 at Nikki. She decides not to slam the door and to hear the limo driver out.
Black Man: Boss man say to me take ya for a lemo-suine ride and yous get this money for yer time.
Ricky Bobby looks up from Judge Judy to see the limo driver flashing the $100 bill.
Ricky Bobby: Hell yeh baby, tha Rick-eh can buy 50 cases of beer with that there money! Lets go!!!
Ricky climbs out of his recliner as he and Nikki promptly follow the black man out to his limo. He opens the back door and lets the first couple of white trash inside the limo. Nikki and Ricky get a taste of redneck paradise instantly as they realize the limo has been stocked with all the Busch Light, Pall Mall, and cable television they want! Nikki lights up a cigarette as Ricky Bobby cracks open a Busch light and turns on the tv. The limo driver continues his cheesy grin as he closes the door and gets in the driver seat.
Ricky Bobby: Baby, where ya reckon this here sum-bitch bout to take us?
Nikki is too busy stuffing cartons upon cartons of cigarettes into her purse.
As Ricky watched his girlfriend swipe cigarettes, his mind began to wonder about the limo ride. Was this some ploy set up by Jesse Styles to trick Ricky Bobby into letting his guard down so he could kick Ricky's teeth in once again? Hell Ricky cannot afford many more hype kicks from a dental stand point as he didn't have many teeth to begin with!
Ricky was able to quickly rule out the possibility of Jesse being behind the limo. Jesse was poorer than shit lately with all the lawsuits on top of having to pay out salaries for the past six months. And Ricky didn't have an wealthy relatives who could afford to ride him and Nikki around in a limo either. Ricky scanned the limo for more gadgets as Nikki pulled a roll of lottery tickets out of her chest area and began scratching away. The trailer park wonder located the button that rolled the window down separating Nikki and Ricky from the limo driver.
Limo Driver: Yezzir Mister Cassels?
Ricky Bobby: Hey bossman where ya takin tha Nikk-eh and tha Rick-eh?
Limo Driver: Oh I gots specific instructions Mister Cassels. It's gone be a biiiiiiig surprise. *flashes smile*
Nikki Juggs: Gaw dammit!
Ricky Bobby: What's wrong baby?
Nikki Juggs: Tha Nikk-eh ain't gone win no money off these gaw damn lotto tickets!!
Ricky Bobby: It's okay baby, we got all that money pourin in from yo modeling career!
Nikki Juggs: What about yer gaw damn match this week with that queer sum bitch Owl Anvy?!
Ricky hadn't given the match much thought. But he was truly in for the match of his career this Sunday against defending TA Champion Al Envy. This matchup would be a classic battle of the good versus evil. Rich versus poor. Al Envy representing the wealthy 1% of the population and Ricky Bobby representing the common man.
Ever since New Edge Wrestling has returned to the airwaves, Al Envy and Jesse Styles have made Ricky and Nikki's life a living hell.... as if it wasn't already. Week after week the first couple of white trash has received hype kick after hype kick after hype kick. Hell one of the hype kick's caused poor Nikki to have reconstructive facial surgery.
Now Ricky Bobby would get his crack at revenge but would have to do so under Styles Rules. An unfortunate twist of fate of the trailer park wonder. Basically this meant Jesse could do whatever the hell he wished during the TA title match. If he wanted to make the match a cage match he could do so..... if he wanted to make it a battle royal he could do so.... if he wanted to make it a handicap match he could do so.... if he wanted to make the match the entire NEW roster versus Ricky Bobby he could do so.
The limousine driver pulled his ride into a parking lot and jammed the limo into park. He exited the limo and walked to the back where he opened the limo door up for Ricky Bobby and Nikki. The first couple of white trash then proceeded to exit the limo, Nikki still chain smokin like hell and Ricky Bobby now 10 beers deep. Ricky lets out a belting beer burp. The parking lot leads to a massive white building with several stories. The limo driver instructs Ricky and Nikki to follow him which they do. He leads them into the large building and them into a room full of people and computers.
Limo Driver: Your destination Mister Cassels and Misses Juggs.... I will be waiting outside for you in the limo. Enjoy.
And with that, the limo driver exits the room leaving Ricky and Nikki behind. They slowly and reluctantly enter the room filled with technology. Living a life filled with poverty, the first couple of white trash haven't seen very many computers before. The other people in the room are mostly sitting, each seemingly having their own personal desktop computer. Two empty seats await Nikki and Ricky. Standing at the front of he room is a very larger chested, blonde female..... wait a damn minute...... that's the same chick who gave Ricky Bobby CRP last week on Ignite 202! She has apparently altered her look as she has cut her hair short and is wearing reading glasses. She also is wearing a navy blue business suite instead of scrubs now. Ricky nor Nikki notice the teacher.
Blonde Teacher: Welcome! You must be Nikki and Ricky...
Ricky Bobby: *looks at teacher* I'm Ricky Bobby!
Ricky still doesn't notice the teacher as the same girl who gave him mouth to mouth last. And with good reason as he was truly passed the fuck out. Nikki glances at the teacher and knows she looks familiar, but he cannot place her. But needless to say Nikki keeps her eye on the teacher.
Blonde Teacher: Please have a seat! We will be getting started soon.
Nikki Juggs: *still smoking a cigarette* Who tha gaw damn hell do ya think you are tellin us what to do and shit? Ya better shut yer gaw damn mouth before I knock yer teeth down yer throat!!
Ricky Bobby: *to Nikki* Relax baby... She ain't meant no harm to tha Rick-eh and tha Nikk-eh!!
The blonde teacher doesn't acknowledge Nikki's ignorance, although she does flash a flirtatious smile in the direction of Ricky Bobby. Ricky glances around the classroom and quickly realizes he and Nikki are the only two students in the class under the age of 80 years old. The well endowed teacher walks to the back of the classroom and proceeds to close the door before walking back to the front podium.
Blonde Teacher: Hello everyone and welcome to Computers 101! My name is Candi Cherry and I will be your teacher for the evening! Now if you will all please turn on your computers, we will get started.
The room goes from silent to a loud roar as the students try to figure out how to turn on the modern day technology. Ricky Bobby has grabbed ahold of his computer and is shaking it back and forth, hoping to get a response.
Ricky Bobby: Baby, how in the gaw damn hell do ya werk this thang?
Meanwhile, Nikki scans the room for a television remote to use to turn on her monitor.
Nikki Juggs: Hell if I know. Looks like we need tha remoke control....
Ricky Bobby: Baby, this thang ain't no gaw damn television....
Ricky continues shaking his computer and Nikki keeps looking for a remote. Teacher Candi Cherry notices Ricky Bobby having trouble and she walks over to his work station. The beautiful teacher then leans over Ricky Bobby's shoulder, her low cut shirt causing her ASSETS to nearly give Ricky a black eye. She reaches down as if she's going to unzip Ricky's pants but instead lifts her hand up and presses the power button on Ricky's computer. Nikki notices the teacher close to her man and she pops up outta her chair and marches over toward the babe of a teacher. Nikki puts her finger in the teachers face.
Nikki Juggs: Don't ya ever put yer hands on muh man again, ya gaw damn whore or else I'll knock yer fuckin slutty arse on this here gaw damn floor!!!
The teacher brushes off Nikki's warning and proceeds to help Nikki turn on her computer as well which irritates Nikki even further. Meanwhile Ricky Bobby restrains his girlfriend to her seat. The teacher walks back to the front of the class and begins teaching the class about computer usage.
Candi Cherry: Okay class can anyone show me where the screen is on your computer.
Ricky Bobby raises his hand.
Candi Cherry: Yes Mr. Cassels...
Ricky Bobby: Tha screen is what we use back home to keep the skeeters off tha front porch!
Ricky smiles big as he thinks he has answered the questions correctly. The teacher is caught off guard as she giggles.
Candi Cherry: Very funny Mr. Cassels!
The teacher then points to the screen on her demonstrative computer.
Candi Cherry: While a screen CAN be used to keep mosquitoes off the porch, this is your computer screen. It will allow y'all to see what kind of work you are doing on your computer. Now can anyone tell me where the mouse is?
Nikki Juggs: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Nikki Juggs lets out a loud screech as she jumps atop her work station desk and continues screaming hysterically.
Candi Cherry: Ms. Juggs what is the matter?
Nikki Juggs: Tha Nikk-eh scared of rats!!!
Nikki remains atop her desk until he body weight causes her table to collapse sending her hard to the floor. Her computer lands on top of her and she quickly becomes embarrassed.
Nikki Juggs: Gaw damn sum-bitch mutha fuckin shit!!!!!!!!
Candi and Ricky Bobby both rush over o check on Nikki. They accidentally bump into each other.
Candi Cherry: *to Ricky Bobby* I'm very sorry, sugar,
The blonde knockout rubs Ricky Bobby's arm in an apologetic manner. Meanwhile, Nikki remains beneath the collapsed table.
Nikki Juggs: Somebody get this shit off meh!!!!
Ricky Bobby lifts the broken desk and computer off of Nikki before helping her to her feet. He then gives up his seat to Nikki.
Ricky Bobby: Here baby, ya can have muh seat!
Candi Cherry: Ms. Juggs I am very sorry I didn't clarify.... the mouse is what you use to navigate around the computer. It isn't an ACTUAL mouse or rat. It's part of the computer. And Mr. Cassels please feel free to use MY computer since Nikki broke hers.
The teacher escorts Ricky Bobby to the front of the classroom. She turns back and looks at Nikki giving her an 'eat shit and die' look. Ricky then takes his seat in the teachers chair as Candi positions her firm rump directly in Ricky's face while she continues teaching the computer course.
Candi Cherry: Now i'd like to teach everyone how to use the internet. You will need to open Windows.
Ricky Bobby raises his hand. Candi smiles before calling upon him.
Candi Cherry: Yes Ricky Bobby.
Ricky Bobby: Ma'am tha only wind-er tha Rick-eh knows how to open is tha one in muh truck when tha Nikk-eh cuts a big one and stanks up muh truck. Then I have to let tha wind-er down.
Candi giggles once again. She then wraps both hands around Ricky Bobby's body before placing her hands on Ricky's keyboard- merely inches away from his wiener. The bangin teacher proceeds to pull up the internet on Ricky's computer.
Candi Cherry: Ok Mr. Ricky Bobby, do you have any specific website you like to frequently visit?
Ricky Bobby wants so bad to have the teacher look up pornography but he decides against it with Nikki in the same room as him. Then one site pops in his head.
Ricky Bobby: Muh opponent likes to use that there thang they calls Twitter....
Candi Cherry: Oh yes! Twitter! That is perfect!
Candi punches up Twitter.com and helps Ricky Bobby log into his Twitter account that he has never learned how to appropriately used. The old geezers in the room follow along as they two punch in Twitter.com into their computers. Nikki watches on with great jealous as the beautiful teachers gets very close to her man.
Candi Cherry: And you are officially on Twitter...
Ricky Bobby: What does tha Ricky spose to do know?
Candi Cherry: *flashes a smile* Anything you want to do...
Ricky Bobby: Anythang?
Candi Cherry: Yes. *seductively strokes keyboard* You can do anything YOU want to it. *flashes another smile at Ricky*
Ricky stares at the steamy teacher like he is about to rip all her clothes off and make sweet love to her in front of Nikki, the old geezers and God himself. Candi lusciously licks her perfect lips. Ricky continues staring at Candi.... but then he looks down at his keyboard and begins typing..... or should we say pecking? One finger at a time he types.....
"Owl Anvy prepare for a Gaw damn ass whoopin like ya ain't never had before!"
Ricky Bobby: Ok now what?
Candi Cherry: Now you need to do the NEW hash tag...
The steamy teacher places Ricky's finger on the # sign guiding him through. Ricky presses the button and address his Tweet to New Edge Wrestlin. The tweet goes through and Candi celebrates by giving Ricky Bobby a high five. Ricky Bobby was now a dangerous man as not only was he the toughest sum bitch in tha trailer park, but now he knew how to use technology!
Candi Cherry: Congratulations Mr. Cassels! You've just posted your first tweet! And that concludes the first half of Computers 101. I will be around to answer any questions you may have.
Candi then turns and ignores the class and focuses all her attention on her seemingly favorite student Ricky Bobby. Nikki Juggs is boiling mad by now and has decided she has had enough. She decides that she is about to tear this bimbo teacher limb from limb and begins stomping her way toward the front of the room.
Meanwhile, outside in the limousine.... the limo driver has just received a text message on his cell phone. He opens his phone up to see the text has come through from Al Envy and reads: "Are the two morons inside the building?" The limo driver no longer has a smile on his face but now a look of evilness. He replies to Al's text message: "Yes, they're ready for you."
