Big Barry - the most dangerous man in the world is RELEASED!

[bigbarry]

Chapter 1 - Bye bye prison!

Chicago's Metropolitan Correctional Center: the cold, angular fortress that stands between the chaotic urban streets and notorious inmates like crime boss James Marcello, Maniac Mike, and R. Kelly.

Oh. And, of course, the self-proclaimed most dangerous man in the world. Well, that was at least until a few moments ago. The word on the grapevine is he’s been released!

Inside the prison, the jingling of keys echoes through the air, followed by the metallic groan of a steel door being unlocked. Big Barry emerges through it with a huge grin on his face. A cheery prison guard smirks as he escorts him to the checkout desk.

Big Barry:
They're only letting me out to protect the other inmates.

Prison Guard:
Sure thing, Big Barry. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Big Barry waits with the guard at a sturdy desk worn by the passage of countless transactions. He twitches and paces with giddiness as a CCTV camera watches his every move.

A prison officer arrives with a box of belongings, dumping its contents onto the desk.

Prison Guard:
Good luck, Barry.

The prison guard shakes Barry’s hand as he retreats back into the cell area, leaving him with the officer.

Prison Officer:
This is what you came in with. Two cigarette lighters, a wallet with no money, and exactly fifty-one condoms.

Big Barry:
I’ll need to get some more as they’ll only last me a day, in it.

Big Barry shoves his belongings into his pockets. Before he takes the condoms, the Prison Officer picks them up.

Prison Officer:
Extra small. I thought you said…

Big Barry:
Oh no, no. The extra small aren’t for... I remember now, I was going to use them to make water balloons. You see, I got sent down on a hot summer’s day.

Big Barry scoops the condoms into his pockets. The prison officer escorts Barry through various corridors until they reach the exit.

Prison Officer:
All the best, Barry. Please try to stay out of trouble.

Big Barry:
Impossible. I am bad to the bone. You best just hope I don’t get caught.

As Big Barry strolls out of prison, he takes in the bustling cityscape, grinning like a kid in a candy store. Another attractive woman in tight jeans walks past; he smiles at her, but she blanks him. An attractive female jogger in cycling shorts jogs by.

Big Barry:
Hey girl. I just got out of prison, fancy celebrating with me?

Creeped out, the female jogger starts sprinting like Linford Christie. Unfazed, Big Barry whistles as he walks away from the correctional center.

Chapter 2 - A probation proposal!

Inside a cramped probation office with flickering fluorescent lights, Big Barry slouches in a chair. The probation officer, Miss Moon, an attractive blond woman wearing black glasses and a white blouse, reviews his file.

Big Barry:
Honestly, I'm surprised they let me out.

Miss Moon:
Why's that?

Big Barry:
They usually don't release folks who've been accused of crimes against humanity.

Miss Moon:
Your file says you were in for shoplifting.

Big Barry:
Yeah, well, they couldn't pin the crimes against humanity on me, so they made up some shoplifting nonsense. I don’t steal from no one.

Miss Moon:
Interesting. So why have you put my stapler in your pocket?

Big Barry:
Oh no, I’m just happy to see you. Oh wait…

Big Barry pulls out the stapler with a look of guilt.

Big Barry:
I forgot. I was just keeping it warm for you. When staples get too cold, they start to smell. You don’t want no smelly staples.

Miss Moon:
I see. So, have you thought about the future?

Big Barry:
You mean flying cars and shit?

Miss Moon:
No. Your future. Now that you’re out, what do you want to do?

Big Barry:
Oh. Nah, not really. Maybe become a porn star…

Miss Moon stares at his crotch. There is a lack of bulge. Big Barry becomes self-conscious.

Big Barry:
Or a wrestler…

Miss Moon:
A wrestler? Do you have any experience in that field?

Big Barry:
Of course. My dad is Hulk Hogan.

Confused, Miss Moon skims through Barry’s file.

Miss Moon:
It says here you’re a Nigerian immigrant.

Big Barry:
Hulk Hogan is Nigerian. Why do you think he wears a bandana? Just look at my muscles; I am in prime shape.

Big Barry flexes; Miss Moon smirks.

Miss Moon:
That you are Barry. That you are. Actually, I have a friend who runs a wrestling school. You probably haven’t heard of him; his name is Bill Morris. Maybe I could refer you there.

Big Barry:
No need. I’m already too dangerous. I shared a cell with two wrestlers, LA Kief and Jesse Styles. I beat them both up all day and night. Especially, Jesse. I made him a maid man. Not like Mafia "made" but more like a butler "maid"... basically, he was my little bitch. If you know what I'm saying.

Miss Moon:
I see. Well, if you’re THAT good, maybe he can fast track you. I believe he has connections to New Edge Wrestling.

Big Barry hesitates. Miss Moon looks over her glasses as she calls his bluff.

Big Barry:
Ummm… I dunno.

Miss Moon:
I mean, if you’re as dangerous as you say you are… it shouldn’t be a problem. Right? Imagine all the fans and attention you’ll get; you could become a real hero. If you dominated Jesse Styles in prison as you say you did, maybe you could dominate him in NEW.

Big Barry:
A hero eh? If I beat Jesse Styles, will you go on a date with me?

Miss Moon laughs.

Big Barry:
Shit. Did I say that out loud?

Miss Moon:
Look Barry, if you become a successful professional wrestler, I’m sure a lot of women will want to go on dates with you.

Big Barry:
Even people like you?

Miss Moon:
Even people like me. I’ll put the referral through. I’ll send you an email as soon as I hear anything.

Big Barry:
It’s on. Refer me to the wrestling school! When I make it, I promise I’ll take you somewhere nice, maybe even KFC. I’m going to train real hard Miss Moon.

Big Barry jumps out of his chair. He does five press-ups followed by a star jump.

Miss Moon:
Barry, I didn’t mean it like…

Big Barry:
See. I’m a machine!

Big Barry races to the door. He gets out of breath and coughs.

Chapter 3 – Morris Mat Mastery, the place where wrestling legends are made!

A dimly lit gym with a wrestling ring. The place is rundown with faded posters of Triple X, Jason Scene and Mike Park peeling off the wall. Dull fluorescent lights flicker overhead as two shadowy figures stand in the ring.

Upon closer view, Bill Morris, a rotund and weathered wrestling veteran, watches as Big Barry squats in the ring. With every dip, there is a strange clink sound as if Big Barry’s carrying something metallic in his spandex shorts.

Bill Morris:
What the heck is that sound? You sound like the tin man.

Big Barry:
It’s just my nuts.

Bill Morris:
If that’s the case, it sounds like you have a screw loose.

Big Barry is already gassed out; he coughs and staggers around.

Bill Morris:
If you’re this out of breath, you ain’t going to make it dude!

Big Barry:
I’ve already run a marathon before I got here, boss.

Bill Morris:
Sure. Whatever. Do ten forward rolls.

Big Barry does a forward roll. He lands on his neck with a sickening THUD followed by a metallic CLANG as his derriere hits the mat… Bill Morris cringes and looks away. Somehow, Big Barry staggers to his feet.

Bill Morris:
What the heck dude? You’re going to get yourself killed. Have you ever wrestled at all?

Big Barry:
Of course I have.

Bill Morris:
Bullshit. Lock up with me.

Big Barry:
Lock up with you?

Bill Morris:
Yes! You freaking pussy.

Big Barry hesitates before he locks up. Bill Morris immediately overpowers him, forcing Big Barry to his knees. Tears roll down his face. Bill Morris releases the hold and pushes him to the floor.

Bill Morris:
Dude! What the heck are you doing here? I can’t work with you. I’m telling Sophie Moon. This is total bullshit.

Big Barry:
Please don’t. I’ll get better I promise.

Big Barry uses the ropes to pull himself up as he gasps for breath.

Bill Morris:
Screw you dude. You’re wasting my time and Miss Moon’s time. And I hate time wasters.

Bill Morris gets out his mobile. He scrolls through his contact list and calls Miss Moon.

Bill Morris:
Sophie, you need to get down here. This is…

Bill Morris turns away as he talks on the phone. Big Barry rummages through his shorts; he pulls out his keys followed by a pair of brass knuckles. He puts them on his fist and…

WALLOP! He hits Bill Morris on the back of the head who falls to the floor with a thud. An instant KO.

Phone: Hello?

Big Barry picks up the phone. He hesitates speaking but hangs up. He writes a text message:

"Hello!

Big Barry here…"

He deletes the message and starts again.

"Hey, it’s Bill. This guy is amazing. You got to come down and see him."

Big Barry is about to click send when he adds,

"He is a woman's dream"

As Big Barry clicks send, he notices Bill regaining consciousness as he mutters.

Big Barry panics. He paces up and down. He notices Bill Morris’s water bottle and stops. He thinks for a moment and pulls out a green backpack from under the ring. Inside, he finds some pills. He hurries back into the ring and dissolves them in the bottle.

Big Barry: Here have this.

Bill sips the water. One… two… Bill drifts back into unconsciousness.

A few moments later…

The sound of high-heeled footsteps approaching…

Miss Moon walks into the training camp; she observes the chaotic scene of Bill Morris still unconscious and Big Barry pacing nervously. She raises an eyebrow.

Miss Moon:
What in the world happened here?

Big Barry:
This is your fault! I warned you I was dangerous.

Miss Moon narrows her eyes at Big Barry, then looks at the unconscious Bill Morris.

Miss Moon:
Is this how you show gratitude for the opportunity I gave you?

Big Barry:
No, no, it's not like that. I was just trying to impress him. You know, show I have what it takes.

Miss Moon:
This is not the way to impress anyone.

Big Barry nods, a bit sheepish.

Big Barry:
Right! But check this out.

Big Barry climbs the turnbuckle, attempting a grandiose move. He loses his balance, almost falling, but manages to recover in an awkward display of athleticism - he follows it up with the ungraceful elbow drop known to man onto an empty mat.

Miss Moon:
Well, that was... something.

Big Barry:
I call it the "Barry Bounce" - it’s how I made Jesse my little bitch.

Miss Moon:
Good. Now help me get Mister Morris up. We need him conscious if you're going to continue your training.

Big Barry:
Sure thing!

Bill Morris snores. They struggle to lift him up. Miss Moon notices the water bottle; she picks it up… Big Barry looks worried for a moment until she pours it all over Bill Morris to wake him up.

Stunned, Bill Morris opens his eyes. He staggers to his feet and looks around confused.

Miss Moon:
Welcome back Bill. Can you remember what happened?

Bill Morris:
…No... I don’t… Erm… I remember locking up, and then everything is blank.

Big Barry:
I overpowered you and knocked you out. It was an accident, it’s because I’m too dangerous.

Bill Morris:
I haven’t been knocked out for years. Maybe Jesse was your prison bitch after all.

Big Barry:
He was.

Bill Morris:
Sorry Sophie, this is embarrassing. I am usually made of stern stuff.

Miss Moon:
I’m so sorry Bill. I’ll terminate the program.

Big Barry leaves the ring and heads to the exit as Miss Moon tends to Bill. Big Barry gets to the door...

Big Morris:
Wait! I have an idea. It’s coming to me… If Barry can knock me out, believe me, he will be able to knock out anyone… LA Kief is having a memorial show right?

Miss Moon:
Who?

Bill Morris:
A comrade who just died. And Big Barry if what you say is true, you, Kief, and Jesse shared a cell, right?

Big Barry:
Of course.

Bill Morris:
What would be better than to have Kief’s two former cellmates square up. The debuting Big Barry versus the wrestling veteran Jesse Styles? The media will eat it up. All we need to do is rile Jesse up; we’ll record a challenge and post it on social media. Jesse will bite because he always does. And then… boom. It will go viral. What do you say Barry?

Big Barry:
I dunno. Maybe I’m too dangerous.

Bill Morris:
No, that’s why it’s perfect. You will destroy Jesse and will cause the biggest upset in wrestling history, and I’ll get half your earnings as compensation for the accident.

Big Barry:
I dunno…

Miss Moon:
Big Barry, it would be very impressive.

Miss Moon whispers in Big Barry’s ear…

Miss Moon:
… And it would kind of turn me on.

A bulge appears from Big Barry’s spandex shorts. His penis says yes!