Chef Roberto and the Ghosts of Wrestling
Jan 27, 2024 17:27:58 GMT -6
kop and Blair Buchannan-Vanderbilt like this
Post by Chef Roberto on Jan 27, 2024 17:27:58 GMT -6
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! A fire alarm sounds out. Smoke billows from the kitchen of “L'anello Della Cucina” as twelve sparsely scattered diners exchange concerned glances. Indecipherable angry shouting can be heard as a man with an Italian accent RAGES.
CRACK! Plates shatter, one after another.
Through the haze, a waiter emerges, bearing plates of half-burnt chicken and charred salad. He approaches the table of a posh looking couple.
The Italian voice crescendos - “Vi ucciderò tutti!”
CRASH! The waiter's hands tremble, and he drops the plate.
Head in hands, he scans the room in panic, sweat dripping from his face.
The waiter paces around for a few moments, then runs outside. He sprints past the restaurant’s large panelled windows as diners watch in astonishment.
A nervous diner rises, attempting to depart, but before reaching the exit, CHEF ROBERTO emerges clutching a meat cleaver. Still sporting a thick black mustache, his fat muscular frame commands attention, reminiscent of his stature in 2016. The room falls silent as the nervous diner freezes.
Chef Rorberto gestures with the meat cleaver toward the other diners, who remain frozen as the nervous diner retreats to his seat.
Chef Roberto notices the dropped plates of food.
The diners gasp as Chef Roberto mimics a stabbing motion with the cleaver.
Chef Roberto strides back into the kitchen, barely discernible amidst the billowing smoke. A pan of pasta blazes with flames. Alfonso paces around, his hands searching for a solution as he grabs a damp cloth. With a swift motion, he douses the flames in the pan but overlooks the need to switch off the hob.
The cloth in the pan now sets alight and Chef Roberto’s apron, setting it on FIRE until it is engulfed in flames. Chef Roberto tears off the apron and stamps the fire out, his eyes blazing with anger as he glares at Alfonso.
Chef Roberto grabs a frying pan and strikes Alfonso on the head with a resounding WHACK. Dazed, with blood trickling from his nose, Alfonso staggers and collapses to the floor. Chef Roberto seizes his arm and escorts him to the dining area.
Only six diners remain; the others have fled.
Chef Roberto notices the charred salad strewn across the floor and picks it up.
Chef Roberto thrusts the salad into Alfonso's face. Alfonso retreats, attempting to evade Chef Roberto's fury until he finds himself cornered against the wall. Without warning, Chef Roberto delivers a sucker punch, leaving Alfonso winded and gasping for air. With brute force, Chef Roberto hoists Alfonso onto his shoulder and powerbombs him through a nearby table. The table snaps in half.
In terror, two diners flee the scene, while a sophisticated woman reaches for her cellphone, and begins to dial 911. However, before she can press call, Chef Roberto snatches the phone from her grasp and hurls it towards the window, causing it to crack under the impact.
Leaving Alfonso sprawled on the road, Chef Roberto watches as fire engines, police cars, and an ambulance arrive. He turns to face the restaurant, surveying the devastation. Retrieving a cigarette, he attempts to light it, but the lighter fails to spark.
Chef Roberto observes from across the street as firefighters douse his restaurant with water, while a paramedic attends to Alfonso. Out of nowhere, a reporter appears and thrusts a Dictaphone in his face.
The reporter glances at the fire, just a paramedic helps Alfonso to his feet.
Alfonso refuses to get in the ambulance. He approaches Chef Roberto in tears.
Roberto clenches his fist as the paramedic ushers Alfonso into the ambulance. Roberto takes a moment to process the information...
The reporter shows Chef Roberto a video clip of the King of Goats’ open challenge. A sinister smile creeps onto Roberto’s face.
The pleased reporter hurries away as Chef Roberto takes one final look at his now ruined restaurant. Reduced to rubble, the flames dance like vengeful spirits, casting eerie shadows against the remains of what was once his culinary domain. Despite this, there's a glint of determination in Chef Roberto’s eyes, another fire appears to have been ignited.
As the emergency services swarm around him and the smoke begins to clear, Chef Roberto strides away. His gaze is steely, his fist clenched. With each step forward, his pace quickens until he begins to power walk all the way back to the stairs of his nearby apartment. He takes a deep breath and ascends them with determined strides, as if following a strict training regime.
Upon unlocking the door, he barges inside. He switches on his smart television and navigates to YouTube. He watches the King of Goats' open challenge. A sinister laugh erupts!
Chef Roberto searches for "Chef Roberto vs Nocturnal vs Judas Dathan" and watches clips of himself with a nostalgic joy. He takes off his clothes and looks down on his fat muscular physique. Not much has changed from his glory days. If anything, he is in better shape.
He rises, tensing his arm muscles as he gazes at his reflection in the window. Across from his apartment, a woman peers out, their eyes meeting briefly before she glances down at his belly. Chef Roberto smiles and twirls for her.
She opens her window. Chef Roberto does the same.
Chef Roberto flips off the woman and closes his curtains. He strides to his bedroom, where the old New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight championship is mounted on proud display on the wall - the belt he never lost. He removes the belt from its case and tries it on.
He lies on his bed, his gaze fixed on the digital clock atop his bedside cabinet. Its display reads 22:22. After a few minutes, he nods off and within minutes, his loud snores fill the room.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! The alarm blares at 22:23, the time starts to advance in rapid motion. Chef Roberto startles awake, as the time freezes at 00:00.
He grabs the clock and removes the power cord to silence it.
After a moment, the clock turns back on despite having no power. The time remains frozen at 00:00. It begins to beep again. Followed by…
STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! Heavy footsteps can be heard from outside. Chef Roberto looks horrified.
BURP!
Chef Roberto winces as he sniffs. The door swings open as a hooded figure enters the room. Chef Roberto trembles in fear. He reaches under the bed and pulls out his trusted frying pan.
Chef Roberto scrambles out of bed. He approaches the hooded figure who pushes him back onto the bed.
Chef Roberto gets up and bursts into laughter until the ghost nails him with a superkick. Chef Roberto sprawls backwards and falls back onto the bed.
Chef Roberto, trembling with fear, follows the Ghost of Wrestling Past out of his apartment and into the night. They walk through dark alleys and deserted streets until they reach a dimly lit wrestling ring set up in an empty arena. The lights switch on. Footsteps can be heard.
A younger, 30s, version of Chef Roberto strides into the arena, sporting trousers and a chef’s vest, notably leaner than his present self. Beside him walks Mario Felluci, the former commentator of NEW in 2010, now in his prime wrestling shape, hair slicked back and tanned. Chef Roberto and Mario proceed to the ring together.
Roberto and Felluci engage in a lateral shuffle around the ring.
Roberto and Felluci lock up.
Felluci becomes distracted as Gina, a young black-haired woman, enters the arena. She is stunning. Both Roberto and Felluci release the hold and stare at her amazing cleavage.
Young Chef Roberto observes as Felluci exits the ring. Gina whispers into his ear and giggles.
Gina continues whispering into his ear. Young Chef Roberto looks annoyed, as does the present Chef Roberto.
Felluci and Gina leave the arena hand in hand.
Ghost of Wrestling Past lifts up his cloak, revealing his man boobs.
The Ghost of Wrestling Past leads Chef Roberto to the canteen where New Edge Wrestling staff queue for food. A young Chef Roberto is busy serving carrots, potatoes, pasta, fried chicken, and beverages. Jesse Styles approaches the canteen. Young Roberto fills Jesse’s plate with chicken and hands him a bottle of water. Jesse does not even acknowledge him.
In the distance, Mario Felluci approaches. Young Chef Roberto opens the a bottle of water and spikes it with a tablet.
Young Chef Roberto ignores him. Felluci shrugs his shoulders and takes the water.
The Ghost of Wrestling Past leads Chef Roberto to Jesse’s office. Inside, Felluci pleads with Jesse. Two burly security guards stand by.
The security guards drag a defeated Felluci out of Jesse’s office.
Chef follows The Ghost of Wrestling Past to the parking lot, where Gina consoles Felluci. Both look distraught, even more so Gina.
A tear rolls down Roberto’s face.
Chef Roberto wipes away the tear.
The Ghost of Wrestling Past shakes his head, his ethereal form shimmering with disappointment.
With a nod of acknowledgment, the Ghost of Wrestling Future clicks his fingers. The parking lot’s lights go out and everything turns pitch black.
A light bulb flickers until it switches on as Chef Roberto finds himself standing in his bedroom.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! The alarm blares. Chef Roberto glances toward the door as a herd of six goats trots through.
He notices a shadow looming behind him. Turning around, he sees the Ghost of Wrestling Present!
Chef Roberto hesitates, his eyes darting between the Ghost of Wrestling Present and the herd of goats. Reluctantly, he follows the spectral figure out of his apartment and into the chilly night air.
The Ghost of Wrestling Present leads Chef Roberto through the darkened streets and into a musty old apartment. Inside sits a man named Alan Webster, wearing a Texas Rangers t-shirt, slouching on a patched-up sofa. He sips a few beers as he watches a flickering TV broadcasting the latest episode of Ignite. On it, Roger Wright is making his way to the ring to confront Johnny and Jesse. Alan gets excited as he picks up a slice of pizza from a Domino’s takeaway box.
Alan laughs as he watches a King of Goats workout video on his phone. In the video, King of Goat dances while his brother also tries to dance while holding a goat.
The Ghost of Wrestling Future fades into the shadows. Chef Roberto slumps on the sofa next to Alan. Confused, Alan double-glances. He realises Chef Roberto is sitting next to him and freaks out. Alan feels Chef Roberto to check that he is real. Chef Roberto slaps Alan’s hands away.
Alan closes his eyes and opens them. Chef Roberto is still there. He checks the strength of his beer bottle.
Without warning, the television switches off as a gust of wind swirls around the room.
From the shadows emerges the Ghost of Wrestling Future, his presence commanding and inscrutable. Cloaked in darkness, his hair cascades in long strands, and his visage appears hauntingly zombified. He exudes an aura of impending doom.
Chef Roberto feels a chill run down his spine as the Ghost of Wrestling Future gestures for him to follow. Chef Roberto hesitates as he rises from the sofa, leaving Alan bewildered and alone in his dimly lit apartment.
Together, they traverse through the darkened street filled with hordes of people all heading towards a huge dome shaped arena. Finally, they arrive at a wrestling arena filled with wrestling fans. Chef Roberto and the Ghost of Wrestling Future take a seat in the stands as “Shaddap You Face” by Joe Dolce hits the tannoy as the Future Chef Roberto enters the arena to a chorus of boos.
Future Chef Roberto continues to make his way down the ramp as the fans hurl empty beer cans at him and shout abuse. Then suddenly, he stops. He clutches his chest and collapses flat on his face. The fans erupt into cheers as Future Chef Roberto twitches before falling unconscious. Not a soul rushes to his aid, other than the current Chef Roberto who rushes to the ramp from the stand but finds himself powerless to help. The ghost hovers over them both.
Chef Roberto's eyes widen as he takes in the scene before him. Eventually a referee checks his lifeless body and holds up the “X” sign. A loud cheer erupts.
Chef Roberto's chest tightens with a mixture of fear and realisation. Four men struggle to lift his limp body onto a stretcher. Eventually, they give up and just leave it on the ramp.
Chef Roberto's heart races as he struggles to comprehend the dire warning he has just been delivered. The show now over, fans start to trickle out of the arena.
Chef Roberto gets on his knees and begs the ghost. The ghost kicks him away, leaving Chef Roberto sprawled on the ramp lying next to his future lifeless body.
The Ghost of Wrestling Future snaps his fingers as the arena lights switch off, leaving Chef Roberto in absolute darkness.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Chef Roberto awakens in his bed. He opens his eyes and looks at the ceiling. He surveys his room, realising he is back in the present.
And with that, Chef Roberto slumbers out of bed and stretches. A huge smile erupts on his face as he looks forwards to a future of DESTRUCTION!
CRACK! Plates shatter, one after another.
Through the haze, a waiter emerges, bearing plates of half-burnt chicken and charred salad. He approaches the table of a posh looking couple.
The Italian voice crescendos - “Vi ucciderò tutti!”
CRASH! The waiter's hands tremble, and he drops the plate.
Head in hands, he scans the room in panic, sweat dripping from his face.
Posh Woman:
What about my food?
What about my food?
The waiter paces around for a few moments, then runs outside. He sprints past the restaurant’s large panelled windows as diners watch in astonishment.
A nervous diner rises, attempting to depart, but before reaching the exit, CHEF ROBERTO emerges clutching a meat cleaver. Still sporting a thick black mustache, his fat muscular frame commands attention, reminiscent of his stature in 2016. The room falls silent as the nervous diner freezes.
Chef Roberto:
Why you leave?
Nervous Diner:
Um... I have to meet a friend.
Chef Roberto:
No, you all stay.
Why you leave?
Nervous Diner:
Um... I have to meet a friend.
Chef Roberto:
No, you all stay.
Chef Rorberto gestures with the meat cleaver toward the other diners, who remain frozen as the nervous diner retreats to his seat.
Chef Roberto:
We’re just experiencing some teething problems.
We’re just experiencing some teething problems.
Chef Roberto notices the dropped plates of food.
Chef Roberto:
Bastardo! Where the fanculo is Aldo? I'll kill him.
Bastardo! Where the fanculo is Aldo? I'll kill him.
The diners gasp as Chef Roberto mimics a stabbing motion with the cleaver.
Chef Roberto:
Please do not worry. I will bring the food out myself. The smoke is just part of the experience. I will solve this. Alfonso!
Please do not worry. I will bring the food out myself. The smoke is just part of the experience. I will solve this. Alfonso!
Chef Roberto strides back into the kitchen, barely discernible amidst the billowing smoke. A pan of pasta blazes with flames. Alfonso paces around, his hands searching for a solution as he grabs a damp cloth. With a swift motion, he douses the flames in the pan but overlooks the need to switch off the hob.
Chef Roberto:
Stupido idiota! I gave you a second chance after Angry Gordon fired you, and this is how you repay me?
Stupido idiota! I gave you a second chance after Angry Gordon fired you, and this is how you repay me?
Alfonso:
Chef Roberto, I sorry. Please forgive me.
Chef Roberto, I sorry. Please forgive me.
The cloth in the pan now sets alight and Chef Roberto’s apron, setting it on FIRE until it is engulfed in flames. Chef Roberto tears off the apron and stamps the fire out, his eyes blazing with anger as he glares at Alfonso.
Chef Roberto:
Dannazione!
Dannazione!
Chef Roberto grabs a frying pan and strikes Alfonso on the head with a resounding WHACK. Dazed, with blood trickling from his nose, Alfonso staggers and collapses to the floor. Chef Roberto seizes his arm and escorts him to the dining area.
Only six diners remain; the others have fled.
Chef Roberto:
Alfonso would like to apologise.
Alfonso:
Please I beg for forgiveness.
Alfonso would like to apologise.
Alfonso:
Please I beg for forgiveness.
Chef Roberto notices the charred salad strewn across the floor and picks it up.
Chef Roberto:
What the fuck is this?
What the fuck is this?
Chef Roberto thrusts the salad into Alfonso's face. Alfonso retreats, attempting to evade Chef Roberto's fury until he finds himself cornered against the wall. Without warning, Chef Roberto delivers a sucker punch, leaving Alfonso winded and gasping for air. With brute force, Chef Roberto hoists Alfonso onto his shoulder and powerbombs him through a nearby table. The table snaps in half.
In terror, two diners flee the scene, while a sophisticated woman reaches for her cellphone, and begins to dial 911. However, before she can press call, Chef Roberto snatches the phone from her grasp and hurls it towards the window, causing it to crack under the impact.
BOOM!!!
The kitchen erupts in an explosion as the remaining diners flee for their lives. Chef Roberto drags Alfonso's unconscious body from the table to the street outside.Chef Roberto:
Why you so heavy? You fat merda.
Why you so heavy? You fat merda.
Leaving Alfonso sprawled on the road, Chef Roberto watches as fire engines, police cars, and an ambulance arrive. He turns to face the restaurant, surveying the devastation. Retrieving a cigarette, he attempts to light it, but the lighter fails to spark.
Chef Roberto:
Fucking typical...Got a light?
Fireman:
Sorry, I don't, mister.
Fucking typical...Got a light?
Fireman:
Sorry, I don't, mister.
Chef Roberto observes from across the street as firefighters douse his restaurant with water, while a paramedic attends to Alfonso. Out of nowhere, a reporter appears and thrusts a Dictaphone in his face.
Reporter:
Hey! Chef Roberto, do you have any comment to make?
Chef Roberto:
How did you get here so fast? It’s only just happened.
Hey! Chef Roberto, do you have any comment to make?
Chef Roberto:
How did you get here so fast? It’s only just happened.
The reporter glances at the fire, just a paramedic helps Alfonso to his feet.
Reporter:
Oh no. Not that. I mean, do you have any comment to make on the announcement of the LA Kief memorial show Night of the Ninja?
Chef Roberto:
LA Kief is dead? He owes me money for all the cookies he stole. The selfish shit.
Reporter:
Will you be taking part?
Chef Roberto:
Hello no. Why would I?
Oh no. Not that. I mean, do you have any comment to make on the announcement of the LA Kief memorial show Night of the Ninja?
Chef Roberto:
LA Kief is dead? He owes me money for all the cookies he stole. The selfish shit.
Reporter:
Will you be taking part?
Chef Roberto:
Hello no. Why would I?
Alfonso refuses to get in the ambulance. He approaches Chef Roberto in tears.
Alfonso:
Roberto, please forgive me. I just realised. I forgot to renew the insurance.
Roberto, please forgive me. I just realised. I forgot to renew the insurance.
Roberto clenches his fist as the paramedic ushers Alfonso into the ambulance. Roberto takes a moment to process the information...
Chef Roberto:
...Maybe.
Reporter:
Will you be answering the King of Goat’s open challenge?
Chef Roberto:
Who?
...Maybe.
Reporter:
Will you be answering the King of Goat’s open challenge?
Chef Roberto:
Who?
The reporter shows Chef Roberto a video clip of the King of Goats’ open challenge. A sinister smile creeps onto Roberto’s face.
Chef Roberto:
Yes. This man is a joke! I will end his career before it even started. There you go, Mister Reporter, you have your exclusive and your quote. Now, vaffanculo! I said fuck off before I practice my comeback moves on you!
Yes. This man is a joke! I will end his career before it even started. There you go, Mister Reporter, you have your exclusive and your quote. Now, vaffanculo! I said fuck off before I practice my comeback moves on you!
The pleased reporter hurries away as Chef Roberto takes one final look at his now ruined restaurant. Reduced to rubble, the flames dance like vengeful spirits, casting eerie shadows against the remains of what was once his culinary domain. Despite this, there's a glint of determination in Chef Roberto’s eyes, another fire appears to have been ignited.
Chef Roberto:
King of Goats, more like goat on a plate!
King of Goats, more like goat on a plate!
As the emergency services swarm around him and the smoke begins to clear, Chef Roberto strides away. His gaze is steely, his fist clenched. With each step forward, his pace quickens until he begins to power walk all the way back to the stairs of his nearby apartment. He takes a deep breath and ascends them with determined strides, as if following a strict training regime.
Upon unlocking the door, he barges inside. He switches on his smart television and navigates to YouTube. He watches the King of Goats' open challenge. A sinister laugh erupts!
Chef Roberto searches for "Chef Roberto vs Nocturnal vs Judas Dathan" and watches clips of himself with a nostalgic joy. He takes off his clothes and looks down on his fat muscular physique. Not much has changed from his glory days. If anything, he is in better shape.
Chef Roberto:
Il grande Chef Roberto non ha bisogno di resistenza fisica. Sono più intelligente e più potente di chiunque altro. Non vedo l'ora di assaggiare la sua capra. Mwahahahaha!
Il grande Chef Roberto non ha bisogno di resistenza fisica. Sono più intelligente e più potente di chiunque altro. Non vedo l'ora di assaggiare la sua capra. Mwahahahaha!
He rises, tensing his arm muscles as he gazes at his reflection in the window. Across from his apartment, a woman peers out, their eyes meeting briefly before she glances down at his belly. Chef Roberto smiles and twirls for her.
She opens her window. Chef Roberto does the same.
Woman:
Creep!
Chef Roberto:
Fanculo, puttana! How dare these Americans disrespect me. They will soon stop when I start CRUSHING all their favourite wrestlers! As well as their hopes and dreams!
Creep!
Chef Roberto:
Fanculo, puttana! How dare these Americans disrespect me. They will soon stop when I start CRUSHING all their favourite wrestlers! As well as their hopes and dreams!
Chef Roberto flips off the woman and closes his curtains. He strides to his bedroom, where the old New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight championship is mounted on proud display on the wall - the belt he never lost. He removes the belt from its case and tries it on.
Chef Roberto:
Johnny Stylez, you're no Chef Roberto.
Johnny Stylez, you're no Chef Roberto.
He lies on his bed, his gaze fixed on the digital clock atop his bedside cabinet. Its display reads 22:22. After a few minutes, he nods off and within minutes, his loud snores fill the room.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! The alarm blares at 22:23, the time starts to advance in rapid motion. Chef Roberto startles awake, as the time freezes at 00:00.
Chef Roberto:
Stupido clock!
Stupido clock!
He grabs the clock and removes the power cord to silence it.
After a moment, the clock turns back on despite having no power. The time remains frozen at 00:00. It begins to beep again. Followed by…
STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! Heavy footsteps can be heard from outside. Chef Roberto looks horrified.
Chef Roberto:
Who goes there?
Who goes there?
BURP!
Chef Roberto winces as he sniffs. The door swings open as a hooded figure enters the room. Chef Roberto trembles in fear. He reaches under the bed and pulls out his trusted frying pan.
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
I am the Ghost of Wrestling Past.
I am the Ghost of Wrestling Past.
Chef Roberto scrambles out of bed. He approaches the hooded figure who pushes him back onto the bed.
Chef Roberto:
What do you want from me?
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
Cookies and to show you the error of your ways. In life I was your great rival. The sexy motherfucker who you baked a cake for and poisoned it with cyanide.
Chef Roberto:
Hahaha! It was a great tactic. I am not scared. I know you are not real.
What do you want from me?
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
Cookies and to show you the error of your ways. In life I was your great rival. The sexy motherfucker who you baked a cake for and poisoned it with cyanide.
Chef Roberto:
Hahaha! It was a great tactic. I am not scared. I know you are not real.
Chef Roberto gets up and bursts into laughter until the ghost nails him with a superkick. Chef Roberto sprawls backwards and falls back onto the bed.
Chef Roberto:
Ow! Che cazzo! Please don’t hurt me. I beg. I am a good person. I mean no harm.
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
Oh really? Come with me... you big meanie.
Ow! Che cazzo! Please don’t hurt me. I beg. I am a good person. I mean no harm.
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
Oh really? Come with me... you big meanie.
Chef Roberto, trembling with fear, follows the Ghost of Wrestling Past out of his apartment and into the night. They walk through dark alleys and deserted streets until they reach a dimly lit wrestling ring set up in an empty arena. The lights switch on. Footsteps can be heard.
Chef Roberto:
Why have you taken me here?
Why have you taken me here?
A younger, 30s, version of Chef Roberto strides into the arena, sporting trousers and a chef’s vest, notably leaner than his present self. Beside him walks Mario Felluci, the former commentator of NEW in 2010, now in his prime wrestling shape, hair slicked back and tanned. Chef Roberto and Mario proceed to the ring together.
Young Chef Roberto:
I am so grateful for this.
Mario Felluci:
Don’t sweat it. I’m grateful for your pasta dishes. Us Italians gotta look out for each other. So, today’s wrestling lesson is going to be all about technique.
I am so grateful for this.
Mario Felluci:
Don’t sweat it. I’m grateful for your pasta dishes. Us Italians gotta look out for each other. So, today’s wrestling lesson is going to be all about technique.
Roberto and Felluci engage in a lateral shuffle around the ring.
Mario Felluci:
Always remember to watch your feet. I always make sure that my right foot goes forward first. Now let’s lock up.
Always remember to watch your feet. I always make sure that my right foot goes forward first. Now let’s lock up.
Roberto and Felluci lock up.
Mario Felluci:
Now what I want you to do is...
Now what I want you to do is...
Felluci becomes distracted as Gina, a young black-haired woman, enters the arena. She is stunning. Both Roberto and Felluci release the hold and stare at her amazing cleavage.
Gina:
Hey boys. Mario, can I have a word for a moment?
Mario Felluci:
Sure.
Hey boys. Mario, can I have a word for a moment?
Mario Felluci:
Sure.
Young Chef Roberto observes as Felluci exits the ring. Gina whispers into his ear and giggles.
Mario Felluci:
Oh really?
Oh really?
Gina continues whispering into his ear. Young Chef Roberto looks annoyed, as does the present Chef Roberto.
Mario Felluci:
Hey Roberto. I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut this lesson short. I have business to tend to, if you know what I mean.
Hey Roberto. I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut this lesson short. I have business to tend to, if you know what I mean.
Felluci and Gina leave the arena hand in hand.
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
She broke your heart. But at least she had excellent boobies!
Chef Roberto:
Yes, why are you showing me this?
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
I dunno. Maybe because it’s fun! And because of the cyanide cake! Do you want to see my boobies?
She broke your heart. But at least she had excellent boobies!
Chef Roberto:
Yes, why are you showing me this?
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
I dunno. Maybe because it’s fun! And because of the cyanide cake! Do you want to see my boobies?
Ghost of Wrestling Past lifts up his cloak, revealing his man boobs.
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
What’s wrong, I thought you liked boobies? I guess only Gina’s. Anyway, follow me.
What’s wrong, I thought you liked boobies? I guess only Gina’s. Anyway, follow me.
The Ghost of Wrestling Past leads Chef Roberto to the canteen where New Edge Wrestling staff queue for food. A young Chef Roberto is busy serving carrots, potatoes, pasta, fried chicken, and beverages. Jesse Styles approaches the canteen. Young Roberto fills Jesse’s plate with chicken and hands him a bottle of water. Jesse does not even acknowledge him.
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
It must have been hard. The fucker never even thanked you. Bad Jesse. Is that why you set him up with the sting thing?
Chef Roberto:
Maybe.
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
Haha! He got so mad! I’ll be visiting my old friend Jesse tomorrow night
It must have been hard. The fucker never even thanked you. Bad Jesse. Is that why you set him up with the sting thing?
Chef Roberto:
Maybe.
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
Haha! He got so mad! I’ll be visiting my old friend Jesse tomorrow night
In the distance, Mario Felluci approaches. Young Chef Roberto opens the a bottle of water and spikes it with a tablet.
Mario Felluci:
I’m not hungry, just some water. Hey Roberto, are you okay?
I’m not hungry, just some water. Hey Roberto, are you okay?
Young Chef Roberto ignores him. Felluci shrugs his shoulders and takes the water.
Chef Roberto:
He doesn’t know what’s coming. I guess you can say payback is a bitch Mario!
LA Kief:
So spiking my cake with cyanide wasn’t a one-off after all. What did you put in it?
Chef Roberto:
Ecstasy!
LA Kief:
No wonder he was slurring his words on commentary! I watched that broadcast, his eyes were popping!
He doesn’t know what’s coming. I guess you can say payback is a bitch Mario!
LA Kief:
So spiking my cake with cyanide wasn’t a one-off after all. What did you put in it?
Chef Roberto:
Ecstasy!
LA Kief:
No wonder he was slurring his words on commentary! I watched that broadcast, his eyes were popping!
The Ghost of Wrestling Past leads Chef Roberto to Jesse’s office. Inside, Felluci pleads with Jesse. Two burly security guards stand by.
Mario Felluci:
Please don’t fire me. This is all I have.
Jesse Styles:
Take him away!
Please don’t fire me. This is all I have.
Jesse Styles:
Take him away!
The security guards drag a defeated Felluci out of Jesse’s office.
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
That was a little bit mean.
Chef Roberto:
What am I supposed to do? Let him take the woman of my dreams?
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
I’d have asked if she wanted a threesome! ...Admit it. Deep down, you're just a scared boy wanting to be loved. But your plan to split them up didn’t work, did it?
That was a little bit mean.
Chef Roberto:
What am I supposed to do? Let him take the woman of my dreams?
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
I’d have asked if she wanted a threesome! ...Admit it. Deep down, you're just a scared boy wanting to be loved. But your plan to split them up didn’t work, did it?
Chef follows The Ghost of Wrestling Past to the parking lot, where Gina consoles Felluci. Both look distraught, even more so Gina.
Gina:
Don’t worry, Mario. I’ll stand by you no matter what. Maybe PCW will have you.
Don’t worry, Mario. I’ll stand by you no matter what. Maybe PCW will have you.
A tear rolls down Roberto’s face.
Chef Roberto:
Gina, I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Only Mario.
The Ghost of Wrestling Past:
Finally some remorse! It’s never too late to change. Well, it is when you die. Fortunately, people liked me. That’s why I have my own tribute show.
Gina, I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Only Mario.
The Ghost of Wrestling Past:
Finally some remorse! It’s never too late to change. Well, it is when you die. Fortunately, people liked me. That’s why I have my own tribute show.
Chef Roberto wipes away the tear.
Chef Roberto:
Remorse is for pussies!
Remorse is for pussies!
The Ghost of Wrestling Past shakes his head, his ethereal form shimmering with disappointment.
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
Being friendly isn't weakness. It takes strength not to hold grudges. Look at where your anger and resentment have led you. Why suck a bag of dicks when you can be playing with boobies?
Chef Roberto:
Shut up! Leave me alone!
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
Okay, have it your way.
Being friendly isn't weakness. It takes strength not to hold grudges. Look at where your anger and resentment have led you. Why suck a bag of dicks when you can be playing with boobies?
Chef Roberto:
Shut up! Leave me alone!
Ghost of Wrestling Past:
Okay, have it your way.
With a nod of acknowledgment, the Ghost of Wrestling Future clicks his fingers. The parking lot’s lights go out and everything turns pitch black.
A light bulb flickers until it switches on as Chef Roberto finds himself standing in his bedroom.
Chef Roberto:
Thank god, it was just an hallucination!
Thank god, it was just an hallucination!
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! The alarm blares. Chef Roberto glances toward the door as a herd of six goats trots through.
Chef Roberto:
Che cazzo!
Che cazzo!
He notices a shadow looming behind him. Turning around, he sees the Ghost of Wrestling Present!
Ghost of Wrestling Present:
I am the...
Chef Roberto:
I already know. You are the King of Goats!
Ghost of Wrestling Present:
No. I am the Ghost of Wrestling present.
Chef Roberto:
Why do you disturb the great Chef Roberto at this time of night? I will fillet all of these goats and turn them into goat pies.
Ghost of Wrestling Present:
You cannot harm these goats as they are no more alive than I am. Come, you must follow.
I am the...
Chef Roberto:
I already know. You are the King of Goats!
Ghost of Wrestling Present:
No. I am the Ghost of Wrestling present.
Chef Roberto:
Why do you disturb the great Chef Roberto at this time of night? I will fillet all of these goats and turn them into goat pies.
Ghost of Wrestling Present:
You cannot harm these goats as they are no more alive than I am. Come, you must follow.
Chef Roberto hesitates, his eyes darting between the Ghost of Wrestling Present and the herd of goats. Reluctantly, he follows the spectral figure out of his apartment and into the chilly night air.
The Ghost of Wrestling Present leads Chef Roberto through the darkened streets and into a musty old apartment. Inside sits a man named Alan Webster, wearing a Texas Rangers t-shirt, slouching on a patched-up sofa. He sips a few beers as he watches a flickering TV broadcasting the latest episode of Ignite. On it, Roger Wright is making his way to the ring to confront Johnny and Jesse. Alan gets excited as he picks up a slice of pizza from a Domino’s takeaway box.
Chef Roberto:
Domino’s pizza, he's such a loser. A real man eats Italian pizza, not crappy fake American pizza.
Domino’s pizza, he's such a loser. A real man eats Italian pizza, not crappy fake American pizza.
Alan laughs as he watches a King of Goats workout video on his phone. In the video, King of Goat dances while his brother also tries to dance while holding a goat.
Ghost of Wrestling Present:
Do you see how happy he is? You used to be that happy person until resentment took hold.
Chef Roberto:
I make people laugh!
Ghost of Wrestling Present:
People laugh at you, not with you. If you set out to end the King of Goats’ fragile career, you will be depriving thousands of wrestling fans of joy. If you take away this joy, what else will bring Alan pleasure during the baseball off-season? Do you really want this on your conscience?
Chef Roberto:
Haha! Wrestling fans are idiots! And so is this man! I do not care about these people. They all disrespect me when they cheer for that loser LA Kief. I will make them all suffer.
Ghost of Wrestling Present:
Very well. You leave me with no choice.
Do you see how happy he is? You used to be that happy person until resentment took hold.
Chef Roberto:
I make people laugh!
Ghost of Wrestling Present:
People laugh at you, not with you. If you set out to end the King of Goats’ fragile career, you will be depriving thousands of wrestling fans of joy. If you take away this joy, what else will bring Alan pleasure during the baseball off-season? Do you really want this on your conscience?
Chef Roberto:
Haha! Wrestling fans are idiots! And so is this man! I do not care about these people. They all disrespect me when they cheer for that loser LA Kief. I will make them all suffer.
Ghost of Wrestling Present:
Very well. You leave me with no choice.
The Ghost of Wrestling Future fades into the shadows. Chef Roberto slumps on the sofa next to Alan. Confused, Alan double-glances. He realises Chef Roberto is sitting next to him and freaks out. Alan feels Chef Roberto to check that he is real. Chef Roberto slaps Alan’s hands away.
Alan:
What the fuck is going on?
Chef Roberto:
I have no idea!
Alan:
Are you?
Chef Roberto:
I am Chef Roberto, the world record holder for fastest Spaghetti Bolognese, inventor of toadfish in a hole and greatest New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion of all time. Anyway, why are you watching these idiots? Roger, Jesse, Johnny, they all idioti!
Alan:
I dunno! Because they’re entertaining… Wait a minute, this can’t be real.
What the fuck is going on?
Chef Roberto:
I have no idea!
Alan:
Are you?
Chef Roberto:
I am Chef Roberto, the world record holder for fastest Spaghetti Bolognese, inventor of toadfish in a hole and greatest New Edge Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion of all time. Anyway, why are you watching these idiots? Roger, Jesse, Johnny, they all idioti!
Alan:
I dunno! Because they’re entertaining… Wait a minute, this can’t be real.
Alan closes his eyes and opens them. Chef Roberto is still there. He checks the strength of his beer bottle.
Without warning, the television switches off as a gust of wind swirls around the room.
From the shadows emerges the Ghost of Wrestling Future, his presence commanding and inscrutable. Cloaked in darkness, his hair cascades in long strands, and his visage appears hauntingly zombified. He exudes an aura of impending doom.
Chef Roberto:
What the fuck do you want?
Alan:
This alcohol must be some strong shit. Are you Nocturnal?
Chef Roberto:
Haha! I am not frightened of you - I already beat you twice!
Ghost of Wrestling Future:
I am not Alexander Koresh. I am the Ghost of Wrestling Future and I am here to show you of what will come if you do not change your ways. Alan, if you would excuse us. Roberto, come with me.
What the fuck do you want?
Alan:
This alcohol must be some strong shit. Are you Nocturnal?
Chef Roberto:
Haha! I am not frightened of you - I already beat you twice!
Ghost of Wrestling Future:
I am not Alexander Koresh. I am the Ghost of Wrestling Future and I am here to show you of what will come if you do not change your ways. Alan, if you would excuse us. Roberto, come with me.
Chef Roberto feels a chill run down his spine as the Ghost of Wrestling Future gestures for him to follow. Chef Roberto hesitates as he rises from the sofa, leaving Alan bewildered and alone in his dimly lit apartment.
Together, they traverse through the darkened street filled with hordes of people all heading towards a huge dome shaped arena. Finally, they arrive at a wrestling arena filled with wrestling fans. Chef Roberto and the Ghost of Wrestling Future take a seat in the stands as “Shaddap You Face” by Joe Dolce hits the tannoy as the Future Chef Roberto enters the arena to a chorus of boos.
Future Chef Roberto continues to make his way down the ramp as the fans hurl empty beer cans at him and shout abuse. Then suddenly, he stops. He clutches his chest and collapses flat on his face. The fans erupt into cheers as Future Chef Roberto twitches before falling unconscious. Not a soul rushes to his aid, other than the current Chef Roberto who rushes to the ramp from the stand but finds himself powerless to help. The ghost hovers over them both.
Ghost of Wrestling Future:
Roberto, this is the future you are hurtling towards. A future devoid of glory, consumed by darkness and regret. You will have caused so much pain and destruction that nobody will mourn your death. Not like they did with LA Kief.
Roberto, this is the future you are hurtling towards. A future devoid of glory, consumed by darkness and regret. You will have caused so much pain and destruction that nobody will mourn your death. Not like they did with LA Kief.
Chef Roberto's eyes widen as he takes in the scene before him. Eventually a referee checks his lifeless body and holds up the “X” sign. A loud cheer erupts.
Ghost of Wrestling Future:
Behold the consequences of your actions, the legacy you are forging with each step down the path of vengeance. If you follow this route, your name will become a symbol of depression and despair.
Behold the consequences of your actions, the legacy you are forging with each step down the path of vengeance. If you follow this route, your name will become a symbol of depression and despair.
Chef Roberto's chest tightens with a mixture of fear and realisation. Four men struggle to lift his limp body onto a stretcher. Eventually, they give up and just leave it on the ramp.
Chef Roberto:
No... Please don't let the great Chef Roberto die not in front of these idioti. I beg for mercy!
Ghost of Wrestling Future:
The choice is yours, Chef Roberto. The path you tread is not set in stone. But heed this warning, for the shadows of your past will continue to haunt you until you confront the demons within.
No... Please don't let the great Chef Roberto die not in front of these idioti. I beg for mercy!
Ghost of Wrestling Future:
The choice is yours, Chef Roberto. The path you tread is not set in stone. But heed this warning, for the shadows of your past will continue to haunt you until you confront the demons within.
Chef Roberto's heart races as he struggles to comprehend the dire warning he has just been delivered. The show now over, fans start to trickle out of the arena.
Ghost of Wrestling Future:
Remember this moment, Chef Roberto. Remember the pain and the emptiness you feel now. It is not too late to change your course, to seek redemption and find solace in a different path.
Chef Roberto:
Please! I beg you. Just give me one more chance. I will be good! I promise!
Remember this moment, Chef Roberto. Remember the pain and the emptiness you feel now. It is not too late to change your course, to seek redemption and find solace in a different path.
Chef Roberto:
Please! I beg you. Just give me one more chance. I will be good! I promise!
Chef Roberto gets on his knees and begs the ghost. The ghost kicks him away, leaving Chef Roberto sprawled on the ramp lying next to his future lifeless body.
Ghost of Wrestling Future:
The answers lie within you, Chef Roberto. You must confront the darkness that consumes your soul, face the demons that whisper in the depths of your heart. Only then can you truly embrace the light and find the redemption you seek.
The answers lie within you, Chef Roberto. You must confront the darkness that consumes your soul, face the demons that whisper in the depths of your heart. Only then can you truly embrace the light and find the redemption you seek.
The Ghost of Wrestling Future snaps his fingers as the arena lights switch off, leaving Chef Roberto in absolute darkness.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Chef Roberto awakens in his bed. He opens his eyes and looks at the ceiling. He surveys his room, realising he is back in the present.
Chef Roberto:
Haha! What a ridiculous dream… Chef Roberto will never die! I can’t wait to end the career of the King of Goats before it even started!
Haha! What a ridiculous dream… Chef Roberto will never die! I can’t wait to end the career of the King of Goats before it even started!
And with that, Chef Roberto slumbers out of bed and stretches. A huge smile erupts on his face as he looks forwards to a future of DESTRUCTION!
